Unexpected
by jennycaakes
Summary: Madge and Gale form an unexpected bond when Katniss is thrown into the Hunger Games. They take comfort in each other, but what happens when Katniss gets back? Or when Madge's life takes an unexpected twist? All 3 books, Madge's POV, AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer for story: I don't own The Hunger Games or these wonderful characters that I so greatly ship! Forever wishing I did though. **

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><p>I smooth the creases out of my dress and smile at myself in the mirror as my dad enters my room. He smiles back at me, but not the same smile I give. His is more pained, scared. I know he must be scared for me, but I'm not. The Reaping doesn't scare me. Nerves, sure, but being the daughter of the mayor I feel pretty secure.<p>

"Here," he pulls at my hair and gently ties it up in a pink bow. "It's your mothers. She wanted you to wear it."

"Thanks Daddy," I reach around and hug him. He brushes a strand of hair out of my face and sighs. "You don't have to be so nervous, you know."

"Yes I do," he mutters, "every day until you turn 19, Madge." Then he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a little golden pin. I've seen pictures of it before but never in person. "Your aunt was 16 when she went into the arena," he tells me. "This is for you, for good luck." He fastens it to my dress and I turn back to the mirror to assess myself. "You look beautiful, sweetie." I nod in response, and he turns to leave. "Oh, right, money for the strawberries is on the counter. They should be here soon." He leaves now and I know it's because he has to get things ready for the arrival of the Capitols team. Effie Trinket will make another spectacular return, one can only guess what color her hair will be this time.

"Ridiculous," I mutter to myself, remembering last year's forest green shade. Capitol people. They have marvelous fashion, but I can't stand the things they do to their hair. Why not natural colors? I'll never understand.

A knock at the door brings me back to the present and I'm scurrying down the stairs, careful to skip the step that squeaks so I don't wake my mother. She most certainly has her curtains drawn and is submerged in morphling, but reaping day is always bad for her and anything might wake her. I scoot the money from the counter into my palms and open the door. Katniss stands with a greeting smile, but her friend next to her has a face of stone.

"Pretty dress," he mutters almost instantly, and I narrow my glare. I don't miss the sarcasm in his tone.

"Well, if I end up going to the Capitol, I want to look nice, don't I?" Two can play at this game. It isn't my fault my father's the mayor. His eyebrows knit in confusion and I know he picked up my own sarcasm. His face quickly transforms into indifference again.

"You won't be going to the Capitol," he tells me, and his eyes dart down to the pin on my dress. I drop my own eyes to look at it for a moment, but look up and meet his stare before too long. Yes, Gale, it _is _real gold. "What can you have? Five entries? I had six when I was just twelve years old."

I go to snap at him but Katniss beats me to it, saying, "That's not her fault." I want to thank her for defending me but it feels kind of silly to do that with Gale standing right next to her. I'll have to remember to say something in school Monday.

"No, it's no one's fault. Just the way it is," he says. My face turns just as stone as his and I turn my gaze to Katniss. I drop the money in her hands and she passes me the berries.

"Good luck, Katniss."

"You too," she replies, and I watch her pass the coins to Gale. He's the first to turn away, and she offers a pity smile before turning to follow him. I gently shut the door behind them and turn back, going to the kitchen to run the berries under the sink water.

I chew at the inside of my cheek as the pipes squeak and sputter before the water shoots out. I pull a strainer out of the cabinet and toss the berries in quickly before setting it under the faucet. I want to be upset, and I want to yell at someone, but I know what Gale said is right. My odds compared to the odds of everyone else are slim, but it isn't my fault it's that way. And I can't change it either; it's just the way it is. I slam the handle down and the water turns off.

I shake the drainer to get the extra drops of water out and leave them to sit in the sink. I make my way over to the piano in the living room and finger through the playing sheets I have out. One catches my eye and I know it wouldn't disturb my mother if I played. My fingers dance across the keys and my thoughts drift off. Why do things have to be this complicated? The games? The reaping? The peacemakers are enough terror, why do we need to watch children brutally kill each other? My aunt died in vain, as did hundreds of others. Why do we just sit back and take it? Why should we be so scared?

As my thoughts shout the questions I'd never dare to speak a banging on the door makes me jump out of my skin. The peacemakers can't already be checking for stragglers, can they? I check the clock quickly and sigh in relief that I'm not late yet. I push myself off the stool and scramble to the door. Through the eye hole a tall figure stands with his arms crossed and a stony look on my face.

I open the door, not even masking the confusion that's shining on my face. "Gale?"

"Was that you playing?"

"Yeah," I absentmindedly smooth the folds out of my dress. "Why're you here?"

"You paid too much," he says quickly, holding out his hand, a single shiny gold coin glistening between his thumb and index finger. "Thought you'd want it back."

I shake my head and cross my arms, pulling the door shut behind me. I should probably get going anyways. "No, I paid the right amount." He steps back as I step forward, dropping his hand awkwardly. He's changed now, a blue cotton button up tight around his arms and khakis that probably won't fit him next year. "Keep it."

"I don't want your money, Undersee," he mutters, "and I don't need it."

"I gave you the right amount," I insist, "the amount I deemed worthy for the fruit." He sighs and drops the coin in his pocket.

"I don't need someone like you pitying me." He growls before turning off, most likely to the reaping. "Snotty rich town girl with more money than she can handle."

"I resent that!" I jab after him, following on his heels. He pauses in step and I bump into his back, but quickly push myself off and smooth my dress. "I don't pity you, and I'm not a snotty rich town girl!"

"Ah," he turns, crossing his arms, "But you do have more money than you can handle? A pin made of gold? An expensive white dress?"

"That isn't my fault!" I hiss at him, "Why do you blame _me_ for the money my _father_ has?" His face is emotionless and his hands slowly drop from across his chest before he starts back toward the square. My brain can't bring my feet to follow him.

"You forgot your shoes," he calls back to me without turning around, and I look down, realizing he's right.

"Good luck, Gale," I reply loudly. I know it's his last year and I'd hate to see how Katniss would act if he got reaped. Besides, his family needs him, and he's right. His name is in there plenty more times than mine. He pauses, looks back at me for a moment, but then shakes his head and continues on his way.

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><p>AN: Okay so this is my first fanfic and I'm nervous to post it but I love Gadge so hey I'll post it and okay enjoy! c:


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Suzanne Collins does and I thank her every day for it. **

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><p>Prim's name is called over the megaphones at the reaping and my heart sinks. Prim, 12 year old Primrose Everdeen who can't hurt a single thing? She has less slips in that stupid glass bowl than me! The world freezes as the peacekeepers begin to march her, but then Katniss jumps out. Katniss, the only friend I have, volunteers to take her sisters place. I want to look away but I can't, there's shouting and commotion and I notice Gale carrying a screaming Prim away and I want to go comfort her and I know can't. After a few more agonizing moments the boy victor is called, Peeta Mellark, and again my heart sinks. I know Peeta, our fathers are friends. I buy bread from his bakery and we always chat. We aren't the best of friends but I do consider him a friend, most of the kids from the town tend to clump together and I've known him since primary school.<p>

In the furor Prim has stopped yelling and I still have yet to pull my eyes away from the two on the stage. My father's been reading the Treaty of Treason but I can't focus on the words, and I know he can't either. His eyes shimmer with sadness, knowing both of the tributes to some degree this time. Their eyes glisten with fear as they're forced to shake hands. My father sighs and pats Katniss on the back before they're shoved into the Justice Building. I have to visit them. Both of them.

Family slots are first so I take my wait in line. Gale's behind me and I feel awkward. He doesn't speak, he doesn't move only to step forward. In front of me is Peeta's father, which I find odd considering I'm in the line to see Katniss. He's carrying a small package and glances around nervously. I can't stop tapping my foot and the taste of copper swirls in my mouth as I bite my cheek again. It feels like hours of waiting before Prim and Ms. Everdeen exit the room, both with tear stained eyes. Prim sees Gale the moment she exits the room and runs straight to him. Gale, who's been unchanged this entire time, accepts her with open arms. He's whispering something in her ear and hugging her, while trying to wipe her tears away at the same time. I can't focus on his words, I can't focus on much of anything, but then they're calling my name and I'm charging in to see Katniss.

She's standing by a bookshelf when I walk in, maybe browsing the titles, maybe trying to keep her mind occupied. Her eyebrows knit together in confusion as I walk straight to her as if she hadn't expected to see me.

"They let you wear one thing from your district in the arena," the words are spilling out of my throat as I fumble with the golden pin on my dress. "One thing to remind you of home. Will you wear this?" I thrust my hand at her and she looks taken aback.

"Your pin?"

"Here, I'll put it on your dress, all right?" My voice is shaky and my hands are shaky but somehow I manage to fasten it to her dress. "Promise you'll wear it into the arena, Katniss? Promise?" I feel she isn't going to answer me.

But she nods and says, "Yes," and then I lean forward and kiss her on the cheek, quickly wrapping my arms around her and squeezing all I can into her before the peacekeepers nudge me out. As I leave she's staring down at the pin, examining its tiny golden wings and golden arrow. I'm still shaking by the time I leave the room and my eyes are glued to the floor. I almost run into Gale as I switch into Peeta's line but manage to avoid him as he hurries toward Katniss' room.

Peeta's family have already seen him and I'm guessing his friends too, so I don't have to wait in line. When I enter the room he's sitting on the edge of a couch, his head in his hands and he's breathing steadily. He looks up and forces a crooked smile on his face.

"Wasn't expecting to see _you_," he admits, sitting back slowly and wiping at his eyes. I can tell he's been crying but I know better than to say anything.

"I find that offensive," I cross my arms and sit next to him. "We've been friends since primary school." He doesn't respond, instead he stares at the floor. "I went to see Katniss," I tell him, "she's holding up."

"Of course she is," he mumbles, "she's Katniss."

"Peeta," I sigh, "you can't just give up. Okay?" He nods, but keeps his gaze on the carpet. I imagine he's tracing the intricate pattern design with his mind but maybe he's just staring. "Just, just try your best, okay? I know you're strong."

"All I can say is that 12 will have a Victor this year." My eyes avert to the ceiling to stop myself from tearing up, because I know he isn't referring to himself. "Thanks for stopping by, Madge. It was good to see you again." I stand up, and he does too, and then we give each other a quick goodbye hug. Like with Katniss I try to push all of my energy into him. I'm about to tell him that I'll miss him when I stop myself and realize that isn't something he'd want to hear. "Make sure my dad doesn't burn down the shop." I snort, but then cover my face and nod, and walk out of his room with a sad smile on my face.

Two people I call my friends, gone, just like that. As I force myself out of the Justice Building and into the streets, words of things I should have said tumbling around my mind. Maybe I should have given them strategy advice or something, I never _have _said goodbye to tributes before. Once I push open the door and the bright sunlight attacks me and I stumble to catch the railing.

When I look up I find myself face to face with Gale Hawthorne. His face, unsurprisingly, is still hard as stone. The only emotion that's visible is indifference. His best friend is about to fight to the death and he's showing _indifference_.

"What?" I snap at him, irritated at how he isn't reacting at all.

"You talked to the boy?"

"He's my friend, too." I mutter, pushing myself past him. This time, he's the one that follows me. "What do you want, Gale?" I just want to go home and take a long hot bath before we're forced to watch the replays of the reaping. I want a nice tall glass of ice water. I want Katniss and Peeta to get off the train that's surely taken off by now and come back to the district and the reaping to never have happened. I want a lot of things to happen right now, but what does _he_ want?

"She had your pin on," he mumbles, grabbing my arm lightly. "Did you give it to her?"

"Yeah," I yank my arm out of his grasp. "I did."

"Why?" Why? I… don't know. Katniss is my friend, or at least I think she is. Maybe not as good a friend as her and Gale but definitely my friend. I know her father died in the mining incident when she was little and they've been striving to make ends meet ever since, and I know that I love her and wanted her to know that. That we'd all be here rooting for her to make it home despite the odds not particularly being in her favor.

"I wanted to." He scoffs at my answer, which I guess is a pretty pathetic answer. But I can't tell all of that to Gale, can I? He'd surely laugh at me then; call me a stupid rich girl again or something. "She didn't have a token." We're standing awkwardly at the top of the Justice Building steps, the crowd already having dispersed and gone home. I think back to the golden mockingjay with its golden arrow that reminded me so much of her and sigh. "I don't know, Gale, I just wanted her to have it." I guess he accepts that as an answer because he nods, and then marches himself down the Justice Building steps without another word. His posture is still strong, still powerful, but his steps have a bit of a lag to them. I watch him until he's out of view, and then I sit on the top step, pulling myself into a ball.

My new white dress is getting coal dust on it and I don't care. I rip the pink ribbon out of my hair and toss it into the dirt with a hiss before slumping over on my knees and placing my head in my hands, and then I remember I never got to thank Katniss for defending me in front of her stupid friend. I never got to tell her, and now she'll never know. I think of little Prim in her mothers arms crying herself to sleep tonight, and then I realize I would give anything for my name to have been picked instead of Prim's. Anything.

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><p><em>AN: Sorry for the lag in update! I wanted to post a whole bunch of chapters right away but I had to go away for a week... and this website is very confusing! I think I might have figured it out though, at least I'm hoping so. Fingers crossed! More chapters very shortly, I promise you. Enjoy! c:_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: If I owned these characters then Gadge would have been head cannon. That is all.**

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><p>Mother only wakes to find out if I have been reaped, and when my father tells her I haven't she takes another dose of morphling and passes out. Dinner is especially quiet and I can tell my dad doesn't hear me when I try to speak to him. He gives a nod or a grunt but nothings being absorbed. He excuses himself before he even touches his meat and shuts himself in his office. I know he knew both Peeta and Katniss but I never considered how great their impression on him was. I glance at the clock on the wall and notice that the replay of each reaping is about to begin. Despite not wanting to watch them I know I have to, I have to see who my friends are up against.<p>

My father doesn't leave his office but I presume he's watching the live feed in there, and although I wish someone was with me to watch the replays, I understand why he needs to be alone. Instead, I curl myself in a ball, my soiled reaping dress still clinging to me, and turn on the television. From District 1 a bubbly blonde is reaped, and I can't help but be jealous of her luscious flowing hair. She blows kisses at the camera and winks; the announcer lets out a long slow whistle. From District 2 a boy named Cato volunteers, and wow. He's huge. That's the only word to describe him. His muscles are huge. His arm must be bigger than my head, and he cracks his knuckles with a bloodthirsty grin. My insides shiver and quake and I take a deep breath, but the TV cranks on. From District 5 is a red headed girl who shows no flicker of emotion as she takes the stage. I only remember her because her hair glistened in the sunlight and I wondered why we don't have any red heads in District 12 besides Darius, who's from the Capitol anyways. Most of the others aren't very memorable, until they hit District 11.

A little girl, only 12, is reaped. A little girl, much like Prim, is forced onto the stage as she wears a brave face. A tiny little girl, the smallest tribute of them all. I can't help but wonder if this was planned. If Prim was supposed to be reaped alongside her, if all the names in the bowl are already picked out and planned. Maybe the Capitol was planning on an alliance between the two to make for a good show. Then I wonder if Prim wasn't reaped on accident at all, that it was the Capitols way of showing Katniss they knew she was illegally hunting. District 12 hasn't had a volunteer in years, no one could have expected that Katniss would throw herself onto the stage for Prim, would they? I press my hands into my eyes to get these thoughts out of my head and then pull them away to watch as the male tribute is called. A boy over six feet tall lumbers onto the stage and I can't stop myself from thinking how silly the two look next to each other, this tiny little girl next to this giant. They shake hands and he appears to be gentle with her, and then they flash to our own reaping.

I've seen it in person, and watching it again on the television isn't something I want to do. Instead I leave the TV running and scurry off to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. The thoughts of Prim being purposely chosen come back to haunt me, but then I think this mustn't be true because then why wouldn't they have reaped Gale? Gale is obviously stronger than Katniss would be, maybe in a different aspects, but still stronger. Plus it was his last year, wouldn't that be the best time to take him? Why not make it worse and take both of them?

The screeching of my kettle jolts me back to reality and I curse myself for these thoughts. My mind is still hazy when I pour my glass and burn my finger on the side of the pot. I somehow manage to make it back to the television as the program fades to black. My father is standing at the couch with the remote in hand and clicks it off, then glances at me. His face is indifferent, just as Gale's had been earlier, and suddenly I'm angry at how calm everyone is taking this.

"You should go to bed, Madge." He looks at my tea then says, "After you've drunken that, of course." I nod, and then excuse myself to sit on the back porch. Firstly, I curse myself for thinking that they should have sent Gale and Prim (or well, Katniss because she volunteered). Secondly, I curse myself for wearing white when I live in the coal mining district. Thirdly, I curse myself because I'm still thinking about Gale and how him and my father are both dunderheads and need a good slap across the face. Indifference? At a time like this? The cameras will be swarming both of them over the next few weeks, no doubt. I glance down at my cup and realize its empty, but I don't think I drank much of it so I must've chucked in the garden somewhere.

I make slow work of putting my cup in the sink for washing and carrying myself up the stairs. My father's door is cracked and news from the Capitol is leaking into the hallway. I can't bring myself to listen and instead I stumble into my room, locking my door behind me. I want to sleep. I want to sleep for the rest of my life and wake up and realize that this was all a dream. The reaping. District 12. Everything. I want to wake up in a life before the Dark Days and before kids were being slaughtered for entertainment and punishment. To wake up in a life in which I can speak these thoughts instead of just think them, or to be in a place in which someone would actually _listen, _someone that thought the same things I did.

I'm woken by my father tapping on my door in the morning and I'm not even sure that I slept. All I remember is an endless abyss of black. I push myself out of bed and glance at myself in the mirror, I'm still in my reaping dress. I open the door and his face morphs into a scowl at my outfit.

"I was tired?" I suggest, wondering to myself why I hadn't changed or bathed.

He shrugs then rubs the crease in his forehead, knowing he'll have to send the dress away to be cleaned and pressed. "You have a visitor." It's my turn to scowl and as I go to ask who he turns and shuts the door behind him. Visitor? Who would be visiting me? The only person I really talked to in school was Katniss, and the trek to the mayor's house is a little out of the way.

Without changing I stumble down the stairs quickly, my father obviously having returned to his office. By the piano sits Prim, her hands hovering over the keys but not yet touching them. She hasn't seen me yet and I watch her for a moment. Her hair is in the same pinned back look as yesterday only its messy and I can tell she's slept in it. Her outfit is different, a loose t-shirt and shorts. Her eyes are red rimmed and cheeks flushed.

"Have you ever played?" The words tumble out before I realize what I'm asking. She looks up at me quickly but then drops her eyes back to the keys and shakes her head no. "Go on then," I take a few more steps, "press a key." She looks up at me again and I nod. She reaches across and presses a g, the note tumbles through the air pleasantly. She looks up at me again and smiles slightly.

"It's pretty," she says quietly, "I've always wanted to learn but…" she trails off and I nod in understanding.

"I can teach you," I've made my way to the bottom of the stairs and across the room, then slide onto the bench. She looks reluctant, but finally sits next to me. "If you want, that is."

"I'd have to ask," Prim says while staring at the keys. "Can you play something?"

"Sure," I laugh gently as she sits next to me. "Any requests?" Prim thinks for a minute, but then shakes her head slightly. I smile, and press a few keys slowly, gradually picking up speed. Instead of watching what I'm doing I watch Prim who is mesmerized by the movement of my fingers. After a few minutes she begins to smile genuinely, and leans in closer to watch. As the tune comes to a close she leans back, a soft smile still on her face.

"That was _beautiful_," she sighs. "What was it?"

"Summer Delight by Arpatzl," I tell her. "They play it at weddings sometimes." Her eyes flicker in recognition and I cross my hands. Prim looks down into her own lap and then scoots off the bench, I follow after her. "You didn't come to hear me play piano though, did you?" She shakes her head and looks uncomfortably nervous.

"I need your help," she says, "I couldn't think of anyone else to ask." She looks up and I smile.

"Sure, Prim, anything." She looks at my outfit and squints her eyes momentarily, probably wondering why I'm in the same dress I wore yesterday, but then looks back up at me.

"The opening ceremonies are tonight," she says, "and Gale's run off in the woods…" For a moment I'm confused, but then I instantly realize what she's asking. Everyone has to be checked into the town square to watch the ceremonies and if he doesn't come back… "I need you to go find him."

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><p><em>AN: Like I said, just trying to get the first few chapters out quickly! Hopefully there aren't many grammatical errors and whatnot. Thanks for the reviews, and I hope you like it! c:_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I still don't own them, what a pity.**

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><p>If anyone other than Prim had asked me to look for Gale I wouldn't have done it. But here I am, an hour later, standing at the fence in a pair of old jeans and a baggy shirt, listening for the electric hum. Prim stands next to me constantly throwing a glance over her shoulder as I lean closer.<p>

"Careful!" She shouts, and I jump nearly face planting into the damn thing anyways. "Sorry," she mumbles when I throw a look at her, "I just get nervous."

"Well it's not on," I conclude, crossing my arms, "but I don't know how to get through." Prim looks over her shoulder one more time and then scurries down the side of the fence, before pointing with her small fingers.

"I've been through it this way," she says, and takes a deep breath before prying the fence up. She sighs with relief and pushes loose strands of hair behind her ears, much like I've seen Katniss do. "I'll hold it up so you can crawl under." My insides hiss at her but she hikes the fence high over her head and I drop to the ground instantly. Despite the fence being off now, it might turn on at any second. Once I'm through I lean over to help her, but she's dropped the fence.

"Prim?"

She looks down at her shoes and folds her hands behind her back. "I… I'm scared of the woods." My throat clenches and I can't seem to swallow. "I should have told you," she mutters, "but I knew you wouldn't have come… and I don't know if he's going to come back… please, Madge?" The desperation in her voice makes my heart swell.

However, my insides are hissing again, but I force a smile onto my face. "Sure, Prim." I try to hide the annoyance in my voice but I know she can hear it because she cringes, then reaches for the fence again. "No, no! Stay here, I'll be back with Gale before anyone notices we're gone." She smiles again, another genuine smile, and I know I have to do this. Before Prim can say anything else I glance out towards the mines then run up the hill towards the trees.

I've never been in the woods, never been past the fence, and technically never broken a law. My heart should be thundering with terror and fear but instead I feel… free. I feel the blood pumping through my veins and I feel the wind blowing through my hair like it's never done before. This is exciting and a voice in the back of my head is hoping I don't find Gale for a little bit just so I can soak up this new wonder.

I've never seen so many trees in my life. I pause to lean against one and just listen. I listen as the wind pushes its way through the leaves above me; I listen as birds in the distance chirp happily in the sunlight; I listen as a nearby stream trickles… there's so much to listen to. My feet pull me in the direction of the stream, simply because the only stream I've ever seen is filled with pollution from the mine and I need to see one in nature, pure, clean, and untouched by the Capitol. I push my way through a patch of bushes and end up right on the edge of the water. It's glistening clear and I dip a hand in. My body shivers by its cool touch and I scoop up a handful to splash on my face. It feels wonderful in this heat.

I find myself looking around and realizing I wish I could tell someone about this. I sigh and tug my hair into a pony tail before I continue down the edge of the stream. I can't tell my parents that I've broken Capitol laws, laws punishable by death… and it's not like I can tell Katniss anymore. Prim, I guess I could tell, but where's the excitement in that? I'm pleased I have a secret, but at the same time what good is a secret if you can't share it with anyone?

After a few minutes of trudging along I start getting hopeless. What am I even _doing_? Why did Prim think me, out of all people, would be able to find him, let alone convince him to come back? The boy hates me for crying out loud, can't stand to be in my presence! Besides, the woods are huge! If he's running away then there's no chance in hell that I'll find him, and I'll probably end up getting lost and stuck in the woods where I'll die off because Prim's the only one that knows I'm out here… dammit what have I gotten myself into?

As I take another step my foot is suddenly being yanked into the air and I fall backwards, my wrists painfully colliding with the ground before my elbows. I let out a yelp of pain and surprise and look at my ankle that's now hanging about 2 feet off of the ground, caught by a snare.

"You've gotta be kidding me." I snap my head around and watch Gale lower his bow as he eyes up the situation, processing that it really is me. "What the hell are _you_ doing out _here_?" My wrists are throbbing in pain and I think one of them is twisted so instead of answering I'm fumbling with the trap around my foot.

"Get me out of this thing!" I hiss, not sparing him another glance. He slides his bow behind his back and saunters over, a pleasant smirk on his face. "Gale Hawthorne I swear when I get out of this thing I'll…"

"You'll what, Undersee?" He reaches down and fiddles with the contraption and then my ankle plummets to the ground. I can feel my face radiating heat but not from embarrassment, from anger. "That's what I thought."

"Prim came to my house, my_ house_, and told me that you ran away in the woods!" Despite the pain in my wrists I force myself up and jab a finger at his chest as that same stupid smirk is still beaming from his face. "She's worried sick about you and you think this is funny?"

"The mayor's daughter breaking Capitol laws to find _me_, a skilled hunter, in the vast expanse of the woods, when I've barely been gone four hours." He pauses, then tilts his head to the side. "Yeah, I think it's hilarious actually." He resets the snare and I watch, my face wearing a permanent scowl. "I'm not an idiot, Madge, I have a family I gotta take care of." I cross my arms across my chest and he turns back to me. "Two, actually. Alright?"

"Well then tell that to Prim," I snap, now more agitated than before, "and… and…"

"And what?" He crosses his arm, his lips threatening to tug into that smirk again. He pauses, waits for an answer, and then lets out a brief laugh. "Exactly. And nothing." He glances up at the sky then back down at me, his eyes drifting over my clothes briefly before meeting my eye. "You of all people," he mutters.

"Just ridiculous I know. Who would have thought I could do something outside the ordinary, huh? Sheltered rich girl too scared to brave the wilderness." Sarcasm is dripping from my voice. He goes to say something, probably a witty reply, but obviously is having trouble formulating the words and shuts his mouth instead. "Well?" We've been standing here staring at each other for at least a minute.

"Well, what?" Annoyance is obvious in his tone as he learns to speak again and he crosses his arms.

"I don't know how to get back!" To this he rolls his eyes and rubs his forehead. "I thought… I don't know what I thought. I only did this so Prim would be happy, alright?" He obnoxiously sighs then pushes his way past me and jerks his head, motioning me to follow. I cross my arms and am suddenly feeling very self conscious. My footsteps are offensively loud compared to his, and he walks with a confidence twelve times the size of mine. The sun's beginning to set and I realize I have no idea how long I've been out here. I keep glancing around because I'm still pretty intoxicated from being in the woods and I'm trying to take in as much as I can. Not watching my feet I trip over a root and fly forward, landing on my wrist again. "Dammit!" I shout, clutching it and pushing myself to sit quickly. Gale turns around and raises an eyebrow.

"Princess has a mouth on her, eh?"

"I think my wrist is sprained you asshole," I hiss at him. He walks back towards me and offers his hand to help me up. With my throbbing but un-sprained wrist I manage to get standing, and he grabs the other wrist gently. "Ouch," I yank it back and he sighs angrily.

"Just lemme see it," he growls. I lift my wrist back towards him and he grabs it lightly, slowly turning it back and forth between his hands. "Well it isn't broken," he finally says, letting it drop smoothly.

"How would you know?"

"You'd be screaming," he mutters, "you're right, probably just sprained. I'm sure one of your fancy town doctors can patch you up in no time." Then he turns and starts walking again, but I've dropped my jaw and I'm just standing there staring at him. Not hearing my footsteps he turns around. "What _now_?" he groans, dropping his hands by his side.

"What do you propose I tell those 'fancy town doctors' when I walk in with a sprained wrist? Or my parents who know I've been gone all day? That I tripped down the stairs?" He snorts and the smirk slides back onto his face. "That isn't funny! I'm not a klutz, Gale, someone would get suspicious!"

"Would you rather Mrs. Everdeen look at it, then?" I consider this for a moment, and then nod my head yes. "Alright, we'll stop by. Now can we just get out of these damn woods already?" His tone is agitated and frustration is plastered on his face. Something inside of me feels guilty and I hold my wrist to stunt the pain. I keep my eyes on the ground so I don't trip again and my mouth shut so I don't say something stupid. After what feels like hours the sun has tinted the sky orange and we make our way to the gate. Prim is sitting on the other side with her legs crossed and her eyes light up when she sees us.

"Gale! Madge!" She hikes up the fence so we can crawl under and then latches herself around Gale as best she can.

He returns the hug but pulls her up close. "I told you not to worry about me, alright?" His voice is firm and yet somehow gentle at the same time. "I'm not gonna leave you, Prim."

"I know," she whimpers back, "I was just scared and I thought I'd have to watch the ceremonies alone and…"

"Stop it, Primrose." He pulls away and forces her trembling chin up so her eyes meet his. "I told you that I'm not going anywhere. Alright?" She nods again and then throws her arms back around him. He sighs and looks toward me for a moment, then drops his gaze. The look in his eyes was pained, scared, and I wrap my arms around myself to stop from getting goosebumps. He'd always shown indifference, and I knew better than to mention Katniss, but Prim's fear obviously stirred something inside of him that needed to be left alone. I should have figured he went into the woods to clear his head. "Come on," he pulls her up, "we have to get your mom to look at her wrist."

Prim looks up at me holding my wrist and then nods, scurrying across the field, Gale and I behind her. Within the confines of the fence I suddenly feel claustrophobic, like I can't breathe. Behind both of them I feel out of place, like a lost dog desperately trying to keep up with its owners. After a few minutes of silence we reach the Everdeen house. It's smaller than I remember it and then I'm feeling guilty all over again. When they open the door to let me in Mrs. Everdeen says nothing, her face morphs into stone. Her eyes reveal a sharp pain by looking at me but she doesn't look away.

"Madge hurt her wrist, mommy," Prim tells her, pulling on her hand and pulling her mother out of her trance. "Can you fix it?" Mrs. Everdeen grabs my wrist from my grasp without a word and gently examines it before nodding. Gale leads Prim back outside and Mrs. Everdeen gets her kit.

"Sorry to be such a burden," I say quietly as she pulls out a few bottles, gauze, and some medical tape. "Prim had me look for Gale and I tripped and…"

"It's no burden at all," she says quietly, dipping the gauze in some antiseptic and wrapping it delicately around my wrist. A shiver shoots down my spine when she speaks to me because I know she rarely talks when working. I feel even more uncomfortable as she continues her healing, her eyes dart from the work she's doing on my wrist back up to my face. A few minutes later the pain feels as though it's being pulled from my bones and I sigh in relief. After that she wraps it with tape and steps back to look at her work. "Should be healed in about a week. That's the best I can do."

"Thank you," I stand, "I didn't bring any money with me, I can stop by tomorrow, though."

"Nonsense, Madge," my name in her mouth sounds like it belongs, like greeting an old friend. "This one's on me. For… for doing Prim that favor." I smile, and she does too but it drops almost instantly.

"Thank you," I say again, and honestly I'm grateful. However, explaining the tape around my wrist to my father might be a bit difficult. A moment later, Gale and Prim walk back inside, Prim laughing at something he must've just said. Gale stops in the doorway and glances at my wrist. "I guess I should go," I say quietly and start walking towards the door, but Prim stops me.

"Wait," she grabs the wrist her mother didn't tape up. "We're about to go to the square. Will you come with us?" First I look towards Mrs. Everdeen who doesn't meet my eyes anymore, and then back towards Gale.

"I mean, I…" What do I say? Of course I want to be there with Prim, especially because she asked me, and I'm sure my father wouldn't mind, but Gale and Mrs. Everdeen? Gale drops his gaze but shrugs, then nods once before turning out the door. Prim smiles and grabs my hand, pulling me after him. I guess I'll be watching the opening ceremonies from the front row, tonight.

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><p><em>AN: This one's a little longer, and the one I've been most unsure of. I didn't want to write Gale as sappy and depressed and I figured he spent most of his time in the woods right after Katniss left. I always thought Prim and Gale had this greater bond than what was mentioned in the book, considering Gale took care of her while Katniss was gone. I also always thought Madge was fond of Prim, hence the Prim/Madge interaction. I figured she always wanted a little sister and she doesn't want her to be so alone during this time. Please please please tell me if I'm going too far out of character or out of character at all. Any advice would help! Thank you for reading! c:_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: These characters aren't my work of art. Sadly.**

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><p>Standing in the square with Gale's family along with Prim and Mrs. Everdeen is a lot more awkward than I would have thought it to be. Gale's mom, Hazelle ("Please, Madge, Mrs. makes me sound old!"), and Mrs. Everdeen whisper back and forth and look towards me. Gale's little sister Posy sits on the ground while Vick, his youngest brother, tries to get her to stand because she's ruining her dress. Prim and Rory, Gale's other younger brother, stand off to the side and chat about something quietly, both looking towards the flashing Capitol symbol on the screen. Gale and I stand next to each other awkwardly as I flex my hand to try and get it to stop hurting.<p>

"Stop that," he growls, "it doesn't make it heal any faster."

"Sorry," I reply, "I'm just trying to keep my mind busy." To this he crosses his arms and looks back towards the screen. We're all waiting for the announcers to come on but for now it's just the spinning C. "Does Mrs. Everdeen dislike me?"

"How would I know?" he mutters back. I shrug and look back towards the whispering pair who avert their eyes when I see them.

"I don't know," I drop my eyes, "I feel like she hates me."

"Couldn't tell ya." With this the anthem plays, and then the screen flashes on. Gale morphs back into indifference and stands up straight. Hazelle and Mrs. Everdeen stop their whispers and also turn ice like. Prim looks like she could be on the verge of tears again and Rory steps closer to her. Posy looks toward the screen, as does Vick, but they both quickly lose interest. A lump in the back of my throat suggests I might puke soon depending on how this goes. I hear a few people behind me mutter something about District 12 being stark naked again and my heart sinks, please don't let that happen to Katniss.

District 12 is never well represented in the opening ceremonies and that only makes it harder and harder to swallow. Gale watches as the announcers are shown but I can't bring myself to focus. They're talking about how it looks like it's going to be a great games and I wonder what their definition of great is. Gale's watching intently and I think Prim is too, but I'm focusing on them because they're here right now and I need something sturdy and not holographic.

I finally look towards the screen when they begin to show the tributes in their chariots. First is D1, looking flashy as usual, all waving and smiling. The girl's wearing something skimpy and I'm almost a hundred percent sure that Rory can't take his eyes off of her. D2 is next with the giant muscled boy and once again my insides quake. Everyone is looking flashy and powerful and stunning and the stylists truly did their best to make them all look wonderful. All the districts ride by but the first few are the only ones to leave a lasting impression. They're mostly the same as the year before. D4 in fishnets. D7 in tree bark. D10 in animal print. The little girl in D11 has a crown made of leaves on her fluffy brown hair.

After they're shown the announcer goes off on this little tidbit about how D12 always tries their best but never reaches the minimum impression and I want to reach through the screen and strangle him. His partner gasps and then the cameras flash on the D12 chariots. The entire town square goes silent as entire Capitol audience goes wild. After a few moment we realize that, yes, we're staring at Katniss and Peeta, and then we start cheering too. Never have I attended an opening ceremony in which our own district screams with joy. They're holding hands, _holding hands!_ That's never been done before! Katniss is giggling and blushing and blowing kisses and the entire audience is screaming her name alongside Peeta's.

I glance down at Prim who has a bright smile on her face. "Look at her! That's Katniss, mom!" Mrs. Everdeen is speechless and has her hand held to her mouth. "She's on _fire_! How did they do that?" I look towards Gale and he's still hard as stone, but everyone else is eating this up. Opening ceremonies are the first step in gaining sponsors. I'm betting Katniss and Peeta already have a ton.

The cameras are on them the rest of the show and I realize I've been grinning like a nutter the entire time. As the screen flashes back to the announcers Gale turns around and marches out of the square. He has to cut past a few people but then he's on his way. Hazelle watches him go but stays with her other kids. Prim is hugging her mom and Posy's asking Vick about how they didn't get burned. My dad's on the front stage and is motioning for the peacekeepers to start evacuating people. He sees me, nods, and then continues his job. I can't stop wondering why Gale left so quickly.

After deciding that neither mother needed me around, and my father is too busy to notice where I am, I follow him. Its hard to find the general direction of his path due to him leaving a good five minutes before me, but I finally make my way back towards the meadow. I figure the woods are his solitary place and that would be the only logical place for him to go. Thankfully, I was right.

Gale sits in the meadow facing the fence, his arms crossed over his knees and his head down. "Undersee," he notes, hearing my footsteps close in on him.

"Hawthorne," I reply, crossing my arms but staying a few feet behind him.

I wanted to ask how he knew it was me but then he says, "You walk like someone from town."

"You just have ears like a hunter," I mumble.

"It's because I _am_ a hunter," he states, leaning back on his hands. "And you're someone from town; therefore you'd walk like someone from town." I walk forward and wonder how people from the Seam and people from town have different footsteps, then take a seat next to him, leaning my arms back like he has and stretching my feet out. I put most of the pressure on my uninjured wrist. "You're the only town person I'd think would be out here."

"Well you ran off," I say. "Didn't even say anything. Just left."

"I had to get out of there. Wanted to go in the woods but the fence is on," he sighs, looking towards it. "Probably turned on with that lovely presentation."

"You can't see three feet in front of you, you want to go out now?"

"I told you I needed to get out of there," he growls. "What more do you want?"

"I want to know why you wanted to get out of there. It was going great!"

"Great?" he hisses. "What exactly is your definition of great, Madge?" I pause for a moment and remember how I questioned that definition earlier myself. While I'm thinking he keeps going. "This whole thing is some sick joke. Yeah, wonderful, they look great. Until next week when they're thrown into the arena to slaughter each other. Just great." I want to throw my hand over his mouth for talking like that inside the district.

Instead I say, "So you're just giving up on her then?" My voice comes out more angry than originally planned. "Katniss? You're just giving up?"

"Did you see the careers?" He turns to me and glares. "They could snap her like a twig!"

"You've already given up on her," I conclude, turning away from him. "Pathetic." He pauses for a moment then leans back on his hand. "She's stronger than them in different ways, Gale."

"That doesn't mean much," he scoffs. "They're still stronger."

"She'd hate you for saying that," I snap, pushing myself off my hands and pulling my knees up to my face. "She'd never lose hope that _you'd_ come home."

"I'm not saying I don't want her to come home, Undersee," he pushes up too, "but the odds aren't necessarily in her favor."

"She's a hunter. She can run fast. She's nimble and knows how to go without food. She's smart. She's insightful and logical. She can do a hell of a lot more than you're thinking she can." I push myself gingerly onto my feet making sure not to hurt my wrist more. "She's your best friend and you don't have the least bit of faith in her." He stays leaning back and staring into the woods he can't currently get into.

"She's not Katniss anymore," he tells me. "That girl on the screen wasn't Katniss."

"Hell if it wasn't…"

"Did you see her waving at them? Blowing kisses like some brainwashed Capitol scum." He shakes his head then drops his gaze to his lap. "I don't know that girl."

"That _girl_ is just trying to get sponsors so she can stay alive longer," I snap at him. "That girl is the same girl you saw yesterday. _That girl_ is the strongest person I have _ever_ met and is already trying her hardest to make it back here. If you can't see that then you're more narrow minded than I originally thought." With that I turn on my heel and storm out of the meadow, hearing the buzzing of the stupid electric fence fade behind me.

When I get home my father is waiting for me. The trek through the Seam was a lot harder when the power went out, no lights to guide my way. I roll my eyes when I realize Gale's probably made his way into the woods by now. My father is tapping his foot impatiently and stands from the couch as I open the door.

"Margret Undersee do you have _any_ idea what time it is?"

"Nope," I refute as I close the door behind me, "and I don't quite care."

"It's past midnight!" His tone is meant to be angry and condescending but I can hear more worry than judgment. "And what in the world is on your wrist?"

"Dad," I groan. "I'm fine! I fell when I was with Prim and Mrs. Everdeen taped it up for me. That's all. I went to say thank you afterwards."

"Really," he crosses his arms. "Because Mrs. Everdeen and Prim were in the town square long after it was cleared, and you were _not_ there."

"Alright, I went on a walk," I lie, pivoting towards the stairs, but he blocks my view. "It's hard seeing her up there, Daddy."

"Katniss?" I nod, and he sighs. "Just try to let me know next time you go wandering the town at night, alright?" I nod again and he steps out of the way so I can pass him. "Goodnight, Madge."

"Night, Daddy." As I stumble up the stairs I can't help feeling guilty. I rarely lie to my dad, but did he really need to know the truth here? Besides, if he knew I was out trying to comfort the big headed Hawthorne boy what would he say? He'd probably sit me down and try and have 'the talk', which would be embarrassing for multiple reasons. Firstly considering he's my father, the mayor, and secondly because Gale and I have nothing romantic going on. That wouldn't stop him, though, not in the least. He'd just go on and on about how babies are made and how I'm so young and eugh…

After I change and slide into bed I toss and turn for hours without falling asleep. Why should I care that Gale's already given up on Katniss? That's all she was doing, trying to earn sponsors. And she did a hell of a job, she had even _me_ convinced that she wanted to be there. Panem loved her, she's got her base building already. But I can't help but think how giddy she looked… no. No, she's still my Katniss. Still the girl who would sit with me at lunch and talk about how we don't talk about boys. Still the girl who would pair up with me in gym and laugh when I couldn't make a simple shot. Gale'll just have to eat his words when she comes back home, right? If she comes back home… she has to come back home. She's going to come back home. I know it.

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><p><em>AN: Wowza I'm so sleepy. But I really wanted to post this! So it is way past my bed time and here I am trying to please my few readers. Hopefully there aren't many (or any at all!) grammatical errors. I read through it a few times before posting. Thank you all for the reviews, they always make me all giddy inside c: I hope you like this! Long before I started writing this fanfic I had this scene in mind and I hope I wrote it right. Enjoy my lovelies c:_


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Nope. Not yet. Not ever.**

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><p>The next few days are lonely. With Katniss gone I sit by myself at lunch. People often walk by our table and glance at the empty seat only to scurry along quickly when I glare at them. Gale sits at the complete opposite side of the cafeteria and I catch him looking at me more than once. He hasn't spoken to me since that night and I'm perfectly okay with it. I might just snap again if I talk to him. Prim smiles at me when she sees me in the streets but hasn't spoken to me either. I want to remind her about me teaching her piano but I'm sure she hasn't forgotten. I strive to answer questions in class so at least <em>someone<em> will personally acknowledge my existence. Besides all that my father hasn't stopped asking me about my wrist and refuses to believe that I tripped while with Prim. People stare at it but say nothing to my face. I don't even want to know what kind of stories they're formulating for themselves.

Training scores come out tonight and all through school as hard as I try to picture Katniss making an impression, I can't. This awful ache in my stomach follows me through the day as I try to concentrate. What if they don't provide her with a bow? She already has her base sponsors from the opening ceremonies but if she doesn't score high enough she's sure to lose them all.

As the day drags on my stomach ache gets worse and worse so I decide to opt out of school and leave early. When I get home my father is up in his office, the door cracked widely. I know that the tributes from the earlier districts have already received their training score, and they're being broadcasted over the government's news station to the district officials only. I hop up the stairs quietly, sure to skip the squeaky one, and sit by the door without making a sound.

Just as I settle into my spot I hear an announcer talking about the tributes from D1, the girl receiving an 8, the boy receiving a 9, typical for careers. The boy from D2 ears himself a 10, and as the districts go on none beat his. They're starting on D8 when my father scoots from his chair and I scramble from my spot. He manages to get out of the office before I make my way down the stairs and eyes me up suspiciously.

"Enjoying the show?"

"What'd Katniss get?" I stand and brush myself off. "Has she gone yet?"

"All tributes have gone in for their private session, yes," he says and walks past me down the stairs. "You aren't allowed to know those type of things, Madge."

"Why not? They're going to be on TV in four hours anyways."

"It's the law, darling." He walks into the kitchen and sits at the table as I turn to busy myself with making a pot of tea. "You could tell someone."

"Like who?" I snort. "The many admirers that flock to visit me? Of course, silly me. I might let something slip." He chuckles and looks down at his hands. I wonder what my dad secretly thinks about me. He knows I don't quite have friends but never really says anything. I know he has to have some sort of opinion on the matter, yet he holds his tongue. It's not that I don't want to have friends, because I do, but people just don't… like me. Maybe it's because I'm the mayors daughter, maybe it's because I'm known to have a bit of a mean streak, but people avoid me like the plague. Even more so now with Katniss gone. The loneliness is overwhelming.

My father and I sit in the kitchen for the next few hours just talking. We talk about the weather and how it's too obnoxiously hot for the fall. We talk about school and how despite the games I'm being immersed in school work I'll probably never do. We talk about how we really should get a maid and how the table it starting to look a little dusty. We don't talk about how I haven't seen mother in a few days and she's been submerged in morphling. We don't talk about my taped wrist. We don't talk about how incredibly nervous I am for both Peeta and Katniss' score to be flashing on the screen. We don't talk about my lack of suitors. Sometimes I'm very glad to have the dad that I do.

As we glance at the clock and switch to the living room I realize I never thought about what Peeta would do to get a high score. He's strong, no doubt, but what score does that get him? Now having two people to worry about my stomach cramp comes back and my dad flicks on the TV.

The first few scores are the same as what I heard over my father's television, but after it gets to D8 I start listening again. The tiny girl from D11 manages to get a 7 and I'm filled with a brief burst of joy. If someone from our district can't win I want her to win. I know the thought is completely illogical and her chances of survival are slim to none, but it's what I want. Peeta's score is soon after and he receives an 8, the same as many of the careers. I wonder what he's done to get that and I catch myself smiling. He's put his baking skills to good use, whatever that use may be.

I feel my father tense next to me as he puts his arm around my shoulder for Katniss' score. I cross my fingers and beg and beg and beg that it's just as good as the careers. But it's not. It's even better. Katniss gets an 11 and a huge grin breaks onto my face. An 11! She's freaking crazy! Her score is higher than the boy from D2 and I know he's fuming wherever he is. I'm overly happy and overly nauseous at the same time. Katniss has put herself on the map for sponsors, but also for the careers who haven't scored as high as her.

"There you go Madge," he says gently. "She got an 11." I nod over and over again and then he helps me stand. "Now we can all breathe until the interviews." He pushes me towards the stairs and I hike them slowly. "Get some sleep."

"Yes, Daddy," I reply. And for the first time in nights I think I actually will.

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><p>My fingers dance over the keys and piano music fills the air. I haven't been playing because my wrist has been taped but I couldn't take it anymore. I have to play. My wrist cricks a little at first but after a few minutes I don't even notice the pain. Soft, gentle tones are swirling the air and I'm sinking into a sedative state. Sometimes I wish I had other people that would play the piano for me so I could take a break and just listen. Sometimes that's all I want to do. Listen. Like how I listened back in the woods to the wind and the stream and the birds…<p>

I slam my hands down on the keys and they make an awful haunting sound burst in the air. I want to go back to the woods. Forget this damn piano, I need something new. I can play the same exact songs over and over again but that gets boring. I want to explore and find new things and climb trees and get out of this damn taped wrist!

I sit with my head in my hands and my elbows on the keys for a few minutes. The blaring noise has stopped due to me resting so long but it echoes in my head. Who am I kidding? This is pathetic. This whole thing is pathetic. A knock at my door has me sitting straight up and I run towards it craving human interaction besides my family. The person on the other side, however, is someone I'd rather not talk to.

"Gale," I cross my arms and pull the door shut behind me. "Can I help you?"

"Mrs. Everdeen wanted to check up on your wrist. Sent me to get you. Are you busy?" Busy? I almost laugh, but instead I shake my head no. "Alright, well." He slides his hands in his pockets and I can tell he doesn't really want to be here. I don't really want him here either.

"Right, let me get my shoes." And so I do, and then he and I are walking back towards the Everdeen house in awkward silence. I don't want to be here with him. I can't stand to look at him or hear his stupid Seam footsteps. I have nothing left to say to him.

I feel like he can sense this because he starts trying to make conversation with me. "Was that you playing the piano?"

I sigh angrily, "Yes, that was me."

"Not very good for your wrist."

"Not that I care." He snickers and rubs his face with one of his hands. "What?"

"Nothing, Undersee."

I groan, "Stop calling me that!"

"When did the mayor's daughter get such a temper?" A sneer has made its way onto his face and I want to smack it off. "Damn." I cross my arms and look away from him. When we get to the Everdeen household he still has that smirk on his face and I storm past him into the tiny building.

The moment I open the door I instantly regret it. On the table lies a man, bloody and covered in soot. He's moaning slowly and a woman is holding his hand tightly from her seat in a chair. Mrs. Everdeen is at work cleaning multiple wounds and trying to patch them up at the same time. She doesn't spare us a glance but I can't look away from the scene. Gale, probably sensing this, grabs my shoulder and pulls me back, shutting the door in front of me quickly.

"W-what was that?" I don't mean for my words to come out shaky, they just do. I've only even seen people hurt that badly on screen, never in person. It was so real… the cries, the scent, I think I'm going to puke.

"Probably a mining incident, best to let her do her job," Gale tells me, leading me away from the house. "Shouldn't take too long." I nod, but pause in the streets. Everything is spinning and I need to sit down. "Undersee, what are you…" I look up at him and I see the panic in his eyes. "Madge…"

"I need to sit," I say quickly, "I need to sit _now_." He offers his arm and without questioning I cling to it, my knees giving out from under me as I put all my support on him. He holds me up and only now do I realize I'm shaking. Gale gently lowers me to sit on a bench and I put my head in my hands and take a few deep breaths, trying to maintain my trembles. He sits next to me wordlessly and lets me breathe. After a few moments I ask, "Does that happen often?"

"More so than you'd think," he replies dully. That lump in my throat returns and makes it near impossible to swallow.

"Is he going to die?"

He shrugs, "I don't know. Probably."

The void of emotion in his voice makes me angry so I snap my head up. "Probably? Is that all you have to say? Probably?" He turns toward me and squints his eyes, confused at my outburst. "Don't you even care?"

"I don't know him."

"So what? He's going to die!"

"That's just how it is; it's how it's always been."

"It's fucking pathetic!" My voice echoes off the surrounding houses. "Damnit, I _hate_ this place!" Gale still sits next to me, his face transforming into interest. "District 12, the Capitol, this is all fucking pathetic!"

"Whoa there, Undersee," he jumps in, glancing quickly over his shoulder. "Can't say things like that here."

"Can't say things like that anywhere," I snap back. "So why not here?" A smile flickers on his face and then he laughs. "Why is this so funny?"

"You aren't the girl I thought you were," he laughs. "That's all." He shakes his head. "Madge Undersee, rebel in disguise."

"I'm not a rebel," I say quickly, and then my senses flood back to me and I realize he was right. You can't say things like that here. Or anywhere.

"You sure are talking like one." He lets out another short laugh. "Damn, we're a lot more alike than I thought." I let his words hover in the air as I try and make sense of them. Are we? I've never considered myself to be like him at all. We've grown silent but this time it isn't awkward. Or is it? I can't tell because I'm still trying to figure out how we're alike. It's not like I hunt, so that's out, and I'm not well liked in school like he is... "Listen," he says suddenly, and I turn to him. Then he pauses again. "You… were right."

It's my turn to look confused, and then seeing my face he laughs again. "About what?"

"Me giving up," his smile drops and he looks down at his hands. "And being close minded." I've never heard Gale talk like this before so I keep my mouth shut and wonder if he'll keep going. "And it scared the hell out of me that someone would point that out. But you were right."

"I tend to be."

"See, you're such a smartass." The corners of his mouth lift into a smile again.

"That's the only way anything gets through to you," I retort angrily.

He shrugs, "You're probably right there too." I drop my arms from across my chest and wait for him to continue. "Interviews are tonight," he tells me, and I nod. He opens his mouth to say something else, but then stops and rubs at his forehead.

"Sure, Gale." He looks up and meets my eyes, and I nod again. "I'll watch them with you."

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><p><em>AN: Had a tough time writing this one. I didn't want Gale to be a total ass, which he can be. I think with Katniss gone he's kind of on an emotional roller coaster, constantly being a shithead and feeling guilty and sincere. Right now he's in one of those sincere moods and is thinking about how Madge is losing a friend too and how it's just as hard for her. While watching the interviews I thought he'd rather be alone, no family or anything, or with someone. So I chose with someone. But then again he wouldn't want to ask because he's _Gale_, and Madge is pretty understanding, hence her agreeing without him even asking. I hope you like it c:_


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Suzanne Collins was sent from heaven above to bring these characters to us. Not me.**

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><p>Gale and I make small talk for the next hour. We don't bring up the games, the interview, or Katniss. He tells me that he asked his mom why Mrs. Everdeen and his mom were looking at me funny.<p>

"She told me that you look like your aunt," he shrugs. "Whatever that means." And I know exactly what it means. My aunt went into the games herself when she was 16, only to never return. Maybe that's why Mrs. Everdeen wouldn't let me pay, she felt pity for me. Maybe she just feels like I know what she's going through. I don't know.

When we get back to the Everdeen household, Mrs. Everdeen is waiting at the kitchen table. Any evidence that there was just a bloody dying man in this room is gone. Prim is still nowhere to be seen.

"Hi, Mrs. Everdeen."

"Madge," she smiles briefly, but it drops. "I just wanted to see your hand." I sit down across from her and stretch out my wrist. Gale waits in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest and watches as Mrs. Everdeen works on my hand. I feel his eyes tracing me and yet I don't look towards him. In fact, I sit straighter in my seat and make myself look as classy as possible, crossing my ankles and leaning slightly forward. I let her work in silence as she peels the tape off and wipes it down with a new lotion of sorts. Without the tape suffocating me I feel like I can breathe again. "It's all healed up," she tells me. "Didn't even need a week."

"Thank you Mrs. Everdeen." She lightly places my hand back on the table. "Are you sure you don't want me to…"

Cutting me off she says, "Madge, dear, I already said it was no trouble." She pushes herself to stand so I follow. Despite her not wanting me to pay, I _want_ to pay. I feel guilty if I don't. She's wasted supplies on me that someone else could have used, someone injured from the mines. Hesitantly I agree and slide away from the table.

"When you see Prim can you remind her about piano lessons?" I say quickly, not wanting to forget. Maybe if her mom says something to her she'll agree.

"Piano lessons?"

"I'd like to teach her," I drop my gaze. "She said she'd always wanted to learn and I play so..."

After a slight pause Mrs. Everdeen smiles and says, "Sure, I'll remind her. I'm sure she'd love to." I smile back, and then wave goodbye. Gale steps out of the way so I can pass him then shuts the door behind him.

"You offered Prim piano lessons?"

"What, you think I'm not good enough?" I scoff and cross my arms. I tend to do that a lot when I'm around him.

He laughs, "No, I think you're a great pianist." He pauses and I drop my arms. "I just don't know if you'd be a good teacher."

"I'm an excellent teacher, mind you." We continue walking in silence but I can't drop the compliment he gave me. "So you think I'm a great pianist, huh?"

Once again he laughs, and I like the sound. I could definitely get used to it. "I've only heard you play once or twice, but yeah. Sometimes when you're playing I wait outside until you're done and listen." I'm not sure whether to be flattered or nervous by this. Maybe both? I've never really played for anyone besides my family, and well Prim when she came over the other day, and the people that taught me. A couple years ago my instructor wanted me to go to the Capitol to play in a competition but my mother wouldn't let me go. After that I stopped receiving lessons, but I've done well on my own. After all, once you learn notes you can't forget them.

All I can manage to say is back is, "Oh."

"Yeah," I can tell he drops his gaze to the ground. "Anyway, I guess I'll see you in the square tonight?"

"Front row," I nod.

"You don't have to stand with us if you don't-"

I cut him off, "I already said I would, Gale, it's not a big deal."

He nods again and then turns on his foot. "See you then, then." And then he turns, and he's gone.

I walk until I end up back in town, my brain swarming with thoughts I'd never thought would be there. Such as why Gale wants me to stand with him in the square. Maybe for Prim? Or is it for him? Maybe he just needs someone to keep him from running off again. And also, why does it matter that I look like my aunt Maysilee? Why can't I just look like Madge and be Madge? I just want to be myself.

I tug at the tips of my blonde hair and find myself in the bakery. Mr. Mellark is working the register and he smiles curtly at me as I enter.

"Nice to see you, Madge," he leans over the counter. "What brings you here?"

I shrug and browse the baked goods. "Peeta made me promise to make sure you didn't burn down the bakery. I was just checking."

The man laughs and leans back over the counter. "Typical." I laugh too, because it is very Peeta like. "When I was in there he told me to not let his mom do the cakes because she was awful at it." I glance toward the cakes, and realize they look a mess. "You can see I lost that argument with her." His attitude is very uplifting, and I'm grateful for it. He must be feeling a tad confident due to his sons 8 in the training scores. "So are you looking for anything?"

I go to point at a delicious looking red velvet cupcake, but then I remember I didn't bring any money. "No, just wanted to stop by."

"Well do so anytime," he smiles. "Tell that to your father too, that man is always busy."

"Yes sir." I laugh, and then I'm out on the streets again. I sit on the bench outside the shop and watch as people pass by. That feeling of loneliness returns and all of a sudden I'm fighting a batch of tears. I have to curse at myself to not cry because I haven't done so for months. Who cares if I'm lonely? That doesn't give me the right to tear up. But I do, and after a quick strangled sob I run back to my house with blurry eyed vision.

By the time I'm home I'm out of breath and the moment has passed. I can't bring myself to cry and I don't want to. I feel weak and stupid and irresponsible. An entire list of negative words flood my brain and I have to push them out too. I'm being ridiculous. I heave myself off the couch and dust off my clothes and rub my eyes. I look in the mirror and push myself to stand straighter. I pull my hair from behind my ears so it tumbles down my shoulders. I force a smile. There we go, that looks like me.

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><p>At the square I push myself to the front row. I stand with Prim and Mrs. Everdeen while waiting for Gale. Minutes pass and he doesn't show, but his siblings and mother do. Prim talks to me about how she forgot all about lessons and she'd love to start. I agree to pick her up after school from now on so we can practice.<p>

"Hazelle," I go over to her when Prim and I are done talking. "Have you seen Gale?"

"Can't say I have," she shrugs. "He told me he was going to watch with some of his friends from school. Whatever makes it easier for him, I guess." And with that the loneliness returns. The announcers flash on but I don't pay much attention. I can't help myself from looking over my shoulder every few minutes to see if Gale will show up. It shouldn't matter to me that he didn't come, but it does. And I can't figure out why.

Prim tries her hardest to not pay attention to the interviews before Katniss and instead busies herself with little Posy. Rory and Vick whisper about making their escape from this boring telecast and Hazelle glares at them. I try my hardest to focus on the screen. The girl from D1 is basically naked in he see-through dress and I lose all respect for her. The boy from D2 is more terrifying than ever now that he talks about his plans to rip everyone to shreds. Little Rue from D11 is quiet but proud and doesn't let her fear show. The entire square once again falls silent when Katniss walks on stage.

I have never been more jealous of a person than I am in this very moment.

Katniss looks like… like… just wow. Her dress and her hair and her makeup and shoes and nervous smile. She looks spectacular and just her outfit has made her memorable. She talks about the food and the opening ceremonies. Everyone can tell she's nervous but Caesar does a good job at calming her. He eventually gets her to stand and start twirling and her entire dress looks like it's engulfed in flames. Oh yes, I'm definitely jealous. They move on and talk about her training score and everyone I'm with knows exactly what she did to earn it. I even catch a quick smile from Mrs. Everdeen. When she starts talking about Prim I feel Prim tense nearby. I grab her hand and she squeezes back.

Katniss' interview is over and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. Jealousy, mostly, but I'm thinking of her angle. She didn't really have one. If anyone was to remember her it wouldn't be from this interview, it would be from the opening ceremony or the training score.

After her is Peeta and I feel Prim's hand slip out of mine. Caesar and Peeta joke around with each other and I feel a bubble of relief to know that he's the same old Peeta. They start talking about Peeta having a girlfriend and he gets a little nervous.

"I'm pretty sure she didn't know I was alive until the reaping," he says. I sigh with relief knowing it can't be me. I would feel awfully tragic if it was, considering firstly I don't feel the same, and secondly I'll probably never see him again. Caesar asks if she has a boyfriend, and when Peeta says a lot of boys like her I _know_ it isn't me.

Then Caesar says, "So, here's what you do. You win, you go home. She can't turn you down then, eh?"

"I don't think it's going to work out. Winning… won't help in my case," says Peeta. The crowd around me starts to bubble with curiosity, looking around to try and figure out who it is. But I don't, because I know what he's going to say. My toes tingle and I know exactly what he's going to say.

"Why ever not?"

D12 will finally have a Victor. Of course she's holding up. He's talking about Katniss. It's always been Katniss. The hints had always been there and I hadn't ever noticed. The questions he'd ask about who I was hanging out with. The glances in school when we were together. Katniss.

His face turns red and the entire audience falls into a hush. "Because… because… she came here with me." Everyone around me gasps, but I let a laugh pop out of me because I totally _called it_. The entire audience, Capitol and D12, are in uproar. Meanwhile, I'm standing here with my mouth wide open laughing because this is sure to throw a twist into the games. The star crossed lovers for D12. No one will forget them this year. Katniss will never be overlooked now. Peeta's won the hearts of millions. Unforgettable, desirable, they flash to Katniss who's now blushing and I'm bouncing on my toes. Prim is squeeing and Mrs. Everdeen can't take her eyes off the screen, her jaw wide open with these news.

The interview ends and then the program is over but it takes awhile for the crowd to clear. When it does I say goodbye to the Hawthorne's (minus Gale) and the Everdeen's and make my way back to my house. I'm still floating from the interviews and how wonderful they turned out as I take the walk, but some nagging thought is scratching at my brain. As hard as I try to push it away it won't leave me alone.

The fact that Gale didn't show up must just reinforce how lonely I really am. How not even another lonely person wants to be with me. But then again, he must not be lonely. Hazelle said he was with friends from school and he is rather well liked. It's clear that he isn't as empty as I thought. I tiptoe into the house and shut the door quietly incase my mother's morphling has worn off. As I slide onto the couch I wonder why I have to go through this alone. Through life, through the massacre of friends, through the interviews… why do I have to be alone? I mean I know Gale doesn't like me but he didn't have to lie to me. I guess I really am just some rich town girl to him, and this thought upsets me more than it should.

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><p><em>AN: Leave it to Gale to be a douche bag, eh? All shall be explained in due time ~ Thanks for the reviews, they always make me smile! c':_


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Still not my characters. Tear tear.**

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><p>We have off school the next day due to it being the first day of the games. Viewing is mandatory but we don't need to go to the square to watch. Every television in D12 is required to be on, however, and there's no doubt the lesser areas won't lose power. The only reason I'm watching is to make sure Katniss and Peeta make it out alive. I have this gut feeling that they're going to be fine, but I have to make sure.<p>

Once again my mother is drowning in morphling and I wonder when the last time she's eaten was. I'm sure my father makes sure she's fed, but I haven't seen her in days. She'll be awake sometime tomorrow; I'll talk to her then. Father, however, is at the viewing in the square. Many people are actually attending this year, but it isn't required, so I sit by myself in my living room, the remote clutched in my hand as the screen flickers on.

The cameras sweep around the 24 tributes as they're lifted onto their platforms. Being in D12 they show us our own tributes more than the others. A timer in the right hand corner is counting down as it echoes for the tributes. 24 tributes, any of them could be dead in the next seventy seconds. Tiny Rue has her hands in fist. The boy from D2 is cracking his neck and smiling. Katniss is glancing around at everyone else, Peeta just stares at her and is shaking his head. She stares back, and then the gong sounds alerting everyone to the sixty second time slot being up.

Everyone runs, Peeta goes straight into the Cornucopia and my heart drops. What is he _doing?_ Katniss stumbles on her feet at first and I curse under my breath, now she's missed her chance to get anything important. She grabs a few supplies and then grapples with another tribute over a backpack. I swear if she goes this early in the games… but then he spits blood and they show the girl from D2 with knives in her hand. Katniss sees too and hikes the backpack over her head and catches the next knife in her backpack as the girl throws it. She runs, and then it flashes back to the Cornucopia. I knew she'd be okay. Peeta however… he just ran straight into the careers! They show him fighting with another tribute, a girl a little younger than him, until a knife is thrown into the girls back and she drops. Peeta looks toward the D2 girl who threw the knife gratefully and then continues to the Cornucopia. What is going _on?_

The careers start gathering supplies and picking off weaker tributes, blood is everywhere and I can't stop thinking about that man from the mine. I never did find out if he lived or not. Peeta circles around, constantly checking over his back. Another tribute, I think it's the boy from D4, tosses him a knife like sword, which he promptly catches with a smile. I can't believe what I'm watching. Peeta couldn't have possibly _joined _the careers?

As the bloodbath starts to come to an end the cameras show a tribute from one of the lesser districts. I want to say he's from D9. He runs with a small knife in his hand straight at the boy from D2. Peeta, seeing this, doesn't hesitate to turn and fling his sword-knife at the boy. It sticks him straight in his left side near the heart, and he falls over choking up blood.

"Thanks, Lover Boy," D2 smirks, patting him on the back. "I might have gotten scratched." The other careers laugh.

Peeta shrugs and says, "One more down than before."

To which D2 replies, "True! Very true." Then he turns to the rest of the careers, oh my gosh Peeta's a career, and says, "Start collecting weapons from the dead ones, kill whoever gets in your way." And as a joke, the others salute him and start laughing, going around and get the weapons.

The cameras flash to Peeta again as he yanks his sword-knife out of the boy he just killed. Peeta sighs and clamps his jaw shut, then he looks over his shoulder. He closes the eyes of the boy and mumbles something I can't hear. I swear it was an apology. He swallows painfully and stands back up, his face morphing back into the killer he previously was. My heart fills with relief, he's still Peeta.

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><p>At lunch the next day they keep replaying scenes of each death. I can't bring myself to swallow anything so I sit with my head down facing the table. They show the scene from last night where Katniss discovers Peeta to be a career and I feel awful that she doesn't know the truth. When he kills the girl by the fire he does the same thing he did at the bloodbath. Closes her eyes and whispers an apology.<p>

I feel like the only person in the cafeteria that can't stomach to watch any of this. Besides, I've seen most of it already. I don't need a fresh reminder. One of the boys from a grade up, Cassius, slides into the seat across from me.

"What, not enjoying the show, Madge?"

"Go away, Cassius," I mutter, pushing myself away from the table. He's from town too; sometimes my father attends their family parties.

Sadly, he follows me as I go to leave the room. "Oh come on," he laughs, "I was only joking. They've gotta suck with that girl in them."

"That girl," I repeat dully.

"Yeah, that one from the Seam."

"That _girl_," I say once again, crossing my arms.

"For crying out loud, Madge, I'm not gonna learn a Seam rats name. She'll probably be dead by tomorrow anyways." My face explodes in anger and I stomp past him. This is no time for me to get in a fight, where other people could listen in. "Madge…" I he follows and grabs my wrist.

"Get off of me!" I hiss, snatching it back. His face lights up in amusement and he grabs my wrist again. "Cassius, I swear."

"We all know you were only pity friends with her anyways," his grip on my wrist is firm. "Or maybe she was pity friends with you." I stop struggling to get away and he smirks. "That's right, princess. I said what no one else will." As he loosens his grip momentarily I yank my hand from his grasp and swing across his face. The sound of my palm meeting his cheek echoes in the cafeteria and everyone instantly goes silent. The replays of the Games are still on but everyone's looking at us.

"Her name's Katniss," I hiss at him. "She's my best friend. And she's gonna win." He's still rubbing his cheek by the time I storm past him. My words hover in the air as the cafeteria door closes behind me. I can't tell if people clap and cheer for me or for him, or maybe something in the Games, but everyone in the cafeteria is applauding something. Outside I rest against the wall and collect my breath.

_Is_ Katniss my best friend? I mean she's basically my only friend, so I guess that makes her the best. I know I'm not _her_ best friend, but that doesn't matter much to me. Gale's her best friend, but Gale can't be everyone to her. I have to have some importance to her. I wonder what she thinks whenever she looks at the pin I gave her. Does she think of me while in the arena? I decide that she does, because if she doesn't than I really am the loneliest person on this planet.

The door opens behind me and I turn ready to spit on whoever it is, but I find myself staring stunned at who walks out. One has bright blue hair in pointed angles with orange tinted skin. Another has whiskers jetting from her nose. The one with the camera has eyebrows that hike halfway up their forehead.

"Madge Undersee!" the one with blue hair gaggles through his thick Capitol accent, "What a pleasure!" I'm frozen as he reaches out his gemstone encrusted hand for me to shake, but eventually he drops it when I make no effort to shake it back. "We saw your show in there, you and Katniss are indeed friends?"

"Yes," I reply after processing what they've said.

"We have a few questions for you!"

I shake my head slowly, "No…" My word drags out just as the yes had.

As if he doesn't hear me, the camera man (is that even a man?) lifts up the device towards me and Ms. Whiskers jumps next to me. "I have with me here one of Katniss Everdeen's friends, Madge Undersee! Madge, is it true you're father is the mayor of District 12?" I nod slowly and I'm quite confused about what's going on. "Fascinating! How did you feel when Katniss volunteered for her younger sister Primrose?"

"I… felt… sick…" I feel sick now, too.

"Right…" she cringes at my answer and I know it was the wrong one. You're supposed to be proud of your tributes, not upset. "What about when you first saw them in the opening ceremonies, what did you think?"

"Fire…" I can't talk to these people. Why are these people talking to me? The man with blue hair raises his eyebrows but then squints.

"Is she slow?" He asks the girl with whiskers, who shrugs in response. I'm right here! I can hear you!

My sense finally collect and I smile. "I thought it was spectacular display, it was just what District 12 needed to get noticed this year. The fire definitely caught everyone eye. Why should we be overlooked just because we're a lesser district? We're just as strong as any other." The camera man(?) smiles and nods with enthusiasm. "Besides, Katniss and Peeta are obviously proving their worth wouldn't you say? A proclamation of love along with exceptional training scores. Who only knows what Katniss did to get that 11!"

"I bet you know, don't you Madge?" The interviewers are bouncing on their toes at my sudden speech. "Oh come on, tell us! We're dying here!"

"She knows just as much as you do." Gale's voice makes everyone snap their heads to the left where it's coming from. "Right, Undersee?"

My throat closes at the sight of him so I look away. "Right." Damn Gale always showing up when I don't need him to.

"Now leave her be," he growls. "This is school, you can't do this here."

"Now, now, Mr. Hawthorne…" I'm guessing these bubbleheads already tried interviewing him.

"Let's go," he grabs my arm gently and pulls me away. For added affect I look over my shoulder and wave a goodbye. He pulls me back inside and slams the door shut, then glares at me. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Being held hostage by an asshole," I snap. "I _was_ giving an interview, but _now_, I'm being held hostage."

"You make me sick, you know that?" he drops my arm and takes two steps away before coming back. "Why the hell would you talk to them?"

"They cornered me!" I hiss back, "I'm just giving them the show they want! Someone's got to!" He rubs at his forehead and shakes his head. "Besides, why should what I do have any effect on you, hm? We aren't friends, Gale, you cleared that one up."

"Don't hold that on me," he mutters. "You don't understand."

"Then please," I drag out my syllables, "enlighten me." He shakes his head and looks away. "Fine, Gale! I'm done with this." I turn to walk away but he grabs my shoulder.

"It's too easy," he tells me as I turn back. I narrow my stare and he sighs, then rubs his forehead again. "With you it's too easy!"

"Because I know what that means-"

He cuts me off and points a finger at me, "You never let anyone talk." I fold my arms angrily across my chest and he sighs again. "I'm sorry I didn't show up, alright? But it was just for the best."

I roll my eyes, "For who, you or me?"

"You." I look at him to continue, and he does. "What good is it for you to be seen around town with some thick-headed dim-witted kid from the Seam?"

"You're not dim-witted," I smirk.

"But I am thick-headed," he notes, "and from the lesser parts of the district. You're the mayor's daughter; you don't need to be seen with me."

I roll my eyes again and lean against the lockers behind me. "You honestly think I care what people think of me? Pathetic." He leans on the lockers across from me and watches as I collect my thoughts. "I don't… have anyone else to talk to about the Games, Gale. I can't talk to my parents. I can't talk to Prim. I can't talk to people from school. I don't have _anyone_ to talk to." He swallows slowly and I drop my gaze. "I know you don't like me but at least I felt like I could talk to you." That last part comes out faster than the rest of my speech.

"Madge…"

"It's whatever," I mumble, pushing myself off the lockers. "I get through everything else alone this won't be much of a difference." Out of the corner of my eye I watch him run a hand through his hair briefly, but then I'm forcing myself down the hallway standing as straight and tall as I can, not looking back. Who needs _him_? Not me. I don't need anyone. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

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><p><em>AN: Regarding my updates, I won't always be this quick! I started this when I had a lot of time off of school and I wanted to get my first few chapters out, which I've done! I'll be back in school tomorrow, however, and my updates most likely won't be everyday. I love writing, though, and swear to never abandon this fanfic. I'll try to update at least every other day. Until then, enjoy the frequent updates! Regarding the story, I know it's a little flipfloppy but I'm just trying to get their emotions right, which are probably just as flipfloppy as this story. Gale's between up to someone new and closing himself off completely, and Madge is between being independent like she's always been or leaning on someone else for once. I'll go into more detail soon, I promise. c:_


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: The Hunger Games only belongs to me in my dreams. **

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><p>After picking Prim up from school we walk back to my house to begin piano lessons. We go through bouts of silence and moments of talking about the Games. I try to avoid the topic but it's like she <em>wants <em>to talk about it.

"Peeta seemed so sincere," she sighs. "Then he goes and joins the careers. I don't understand."

"Maybe it's his angle?" I suggest. "I think he does like Katniss. I've known him for a long time."

"I don't know." She tugs on the tips of her braid. "Do you think Katniss is gonna be okay?" Her voice shakes when she asks and she drops her head to the ground.

"Yes, Prim," I answer honestly. "You know Katniss; she'll do anything to get back to you." She nods sadly and wipes at her eyes. I slide my arm around her shoulder and walk closer to her. The rest of the journey is in silence. When we get to my house we kick our shoes off by the door. She eyes the TV but walks over to the piano. "Do you want to check the Games?"

"Only if you want," she glances at the television again. I don't want to, but I know she does, so I reach for the remote and turn it on while collapsing onto the couch. Prim slides next to me as the screen flickers on. We have to wait a few minutes before they show Katniss, and when they do Prim tenses up and grabs my hand. An image of Katniss tripping and falling face first in the ground makes Prim squeeze my hand. She doesn't move, she just lays on the ground. She's giving up. I can't stand to watch as Katniss accepts her fate and turn my head away. The Games have barely even started! I can't believe that she's already giving up…. "Madge, look!"

I jerk my head back just in time to see Katniss using all of her strength to crawl forward. "What's she doing?" Crawling… crawling… her hands dig into the ground.

"Look!" Prim is bouncing in her seat and squeezing my hand with all her might. "Water! She found water!"

I can't repress the grin on my face. I can't believe I thought Katniss would just give up so easily. As she pours the water from the pool into her container and squeezes in some drops, Prim decides that we should start piano now, knowing that her sister is okay for the moment. We leave the television on but mute it. They've started to show other tributes anyways and we lose interest. I keep my eye out for Peeta but they haven't shown him in awhile.

We switch over to the piano and I start off by teaching Prim about how to read sheet music. I show her which note corresponds with each key and she catches on quickly. She's a fast learner.

"I'm good at watching," she tells me. "That's why my mom lets me help with the medicines. I always remember." I smile and sit back as she taps out a simple G chord over and over again. "I like this one, it's pretty."

"I agree," I say with a smile. "I, however, like the D."

"Which one's that again?" I lean over the piano and slide my fingers up and down, pressing them in a D minor scale. She sits back and her eyes watch as I go back and forth. "Can you play something else? Anything."

"Sure," I laugh, pulling out the book I have filled with sheet music. "Do you need me to take you home anytime?" I ask as I pull out the book. I glance at the clock and its starting to get pretty late. I hadn't even noticed the sun dropping in the sky.

"Someone's going to pick me up," she tells me. "We can play until then if you don't have homework or anything."

"I do, but I'd rather do this," I laugh as I hand her the book. "Here, you pick."

"But I don't know…" she trails off as she looks at the enormous pile of sheet music sticking out in all directions. "Okay, this one." She hands me the piece on top titled Silver Snowdrops by Skink Hurlsey. I've only played it a few times but I know it has a light tinkley tone. I place it in front of me and keep my eyes focused on the paper while my fingers tap out the tone. Prim sighs as she watches and I'm filled with a bubble of momentary happiness. The little girl next to me has reminded me that I may be lonely but I'm not necessarily alone. It's been awhile since I've spent this much time with anyone, and with her it feels natural, like she could be my sister. I've always wanted a sister.

The phone rings and I stop instantly, my spine tingling with fear. The only time my dad calls from his office in town is when something bad is happening. Prim looks up at me and I hold a finger up to her as to say _hold on_, then I push myself off the bench and scurry toward the kitchen to answer it. As I pick the phone up off the receiver a knock on the door echoes through the suddenly quiet house.

"Prim can you…"

"Got it!" She calls back, and hops off the bench herself.

I sigh and yank the phone off the receiver, "Hello?" I glance toward the clock and realize it's well past 9. How did we manage to play so late? I decide if the person at the door isn't picking up Prim that I'll take her home after the call.

"Madge?" My dad's voice is panicked on the other end. "Are you watching the Games?" I instantly turn toward the living room but I can't get a good view of the TV that we left on.

"No, why? What's going on?"

"I'll be home soon," he sighs. "Just… just cross your fingers." Then his line goes dead. I slam the phone back on the receiver and run out toward the living room. Prim is at the door talking to someone but their voice is nothing but soft rumbles to me. The screen flashes with flames and my heart drops. The girl on fire… is on fire.

"Prim," my voice is urgent and she turns toward me with her eyebrows raised. "_Prim_…" I can't form sentences and she takes a step toward me through the hallway. "Katniss…" With the name of her sister she glances back at the door then runs for the living room.

"What's happening?" Gale's now prominent voice echoes through the room and I can't even react. Of course he'd be the one to pick Prim up. He was probably out hunting and told Mrs. Everdeen he'd get her on his way in. I wave them over and sit gently on the couch, my eyes never leaving the screen. I hear the door shut and footsteps coming into the living room so I figure that he came inside. Prim sits next to me and grabs my hand instantly. Katniss is running through the woods, walls of fire are surrounding her. Gale reluctantly takes the seat on the other side of me and out of instinct I reach for his hand. He doesn't stop me and instead or shaking me off, reassuringly squeezes back. I don't want to hurt Prim's hand but I'm terrified right now and he's the only thing in reach.

"Go," I hear him mutter under his breath. "Get up, Katniss…" Prim has scooted closer to me and latches herself to my arm. Minutes pass and Katniss just zigzags back and forth through the traps that are set. She's drenched in sweat and just puked, then her hair catches on fire and Prim finally buries her head in my shoulder.

"Make it stop," she cries as tears soak my sleeve. "Make the fire stop, Madge." I throw my arm around her shoulder and pull her closer. If only I could do that for her.

Katniss yanks her singed hair into her hands and then another fireball leaps at her. I flinch with every shot and squeeze Gale's hand tighter, trying to stay as strong as I can for Prim. Another fireball hits her in the calf and she screams in pain. Prim shudders under my grasp and I force myself to look away, squeezing my eyes together as if it'll make everything stop. But it doesn't, and then Katniss rips the flaming cloth off her leg before taking a rest. After a few deep breaths she starts moving again, no flames following her.

"It's over," I whisper to Prim. "She's okay." With teary eyes and a sniffle, Prim pulls away from my arm and looks toward the screen at Katniss who is now slowly making her way back to a water pool. I realize I'm still gripping Gale's hand with all my might and gently let go. He flexes his fingers and sighs, rubbing his forehead. Prim also lets go of me and rubs her eyes, relief filling them as she sees how Katniss is.

"I wonder if she'll remember how to treat a burn," she sniffles, putting on a brave face. "She's seen me do it enough."

"I'm sure she will," I reply gently. Gale stands and then Prim follows suit. By the door he leans down and whispers something in her ear, causing her to nod.

Prim turns to me and says,"Thanks for the lesson, Madge." Her voice is still soft and I know she's trying to avoid it from cracking. "I'll see you again tomorrow, right?"

"Of course," I nod.

"Okay. Goodnight."

I smile softly, "Goodnight, Prim." Prim walks out the door, but Gale stays back and turns to me. He meets my eyes but then looks away. "Are you okay?" I ask, and he shrugs.

"They could've killed her," he mutters. "I thought they were going to."

"But they didn't," I stand from my seat on the couch as I talk so I can be more up to his level. Can't have the Hawthorne boy looking down on me, can we? "And they won't." He shrugs again and saunters toward the door. He glances back toward the TV and it shows Katniss who's now sitting in a pool of water.

"Listen, about today at school," he says quickly.

"Save it." I mutter, dropping my gaze. "I don't want to hear it."

"No, Madge," he says, taking a step closer. "I'm sorry." I look up and his face is sincere. I want to make a smart remark about how he's never said sorry, but that's just the thing. He's never said sorry to me before like this. I can't mock him because I know he's being honest and for some reason it makes me feel... strange. His hand goes to the back of his neck and he sighs. "I keep forgetting you and Katniss were close."

"Not as close as you two," I sputter quickly, still stunned from his apology.

"But close enough to defend her against Cassius in the cafeteria," he points out. My face flushes red, of course he'd been there. That's how he had known I was outside talking to the camera crew. "I'm bad at this," he admits.

"You're doing just fine," I smirk and lean against the back of my couch.

He laughs but then glances back toward the TV again and his face drops. "It gets hard, watching the Games alone." I nod and cross my arms lightly. "All my friends at school know me and Katniss were friends so they don't really know what to say. You, on the other hand…" I smirk again, and so does he. "So…"

"So I'll see you tomorrow, then?" I suggest slowly, and he smiles.

"Yeah, I guess I can do that." I laugh and push him towards the door. "Night, Undersee," he calls over his shoulder, flashing me a quick grin.

"Goodnight, Gale." As he pulls the door shut I slide back onto the couch, a content smile resting on my face. Maybe I won't have to get through this alone.

* * *

><p>All during lunch are replays of the careers and the tracker jacker attacks. Alongside the replays they show flashes of Katniss, face down in a ditch twitching uncontrollably from her stings, as well as Peeta crawling along the side of stream, his face paler than ever. District 12 isn't looking very strong right now. Once again I can't stomach to eat my lunch, and our hour break only just started. People often glance at me, but yet again they say nothing. Must be due to my outburst yesterday. Instead of eating I bring out an empty journal and doodle random lines. They screams of the tributes dying from the tracker jacker stings fill my ears and I feel nauseous. The girl from D1 looks stunning even as her cannon fires and green slime oozes out of her.<p>

Deciding I can't take this any longer, I wrap up my bagged lunch and start toward the back door. I'll save it for snack later, I just can't eat it now. I spot Gale sitting with his friends in the back and he's watching me. When my eyes meet his he gives a slight nod, barely noticeable. I nod back, and turn away so he doesn't see me smile. This almost-maybe-kind-of friendship I have with Gale is making me loopy. I turn back around to make my way to the door by him and can't help but overhear a bit of his conversation.

One of the boys is looking at me as he asks, "But isn't that the mayors daughter?" He drops his stare when I squint at him.

"Yeah," Gale shrugs. "She's cool." I realize I've stopped walking and might be kind of staring at their table so I pick up my pace again. Aha! I heard it! He called me cool to his friends! I knew we had an almost-maybe-kind-of friendship.

"Cool? She's from town." I pause by the door as I hear the insult. I mean, technically it isn't an insult, but at the same time it is. So what if I'm from town?

"Yeah, and we're from the Seam," Gale snaps. "I suppose that makes us filthy unintelligent pricks, huh?"

"That's not what she meant, Gale," one of the girls sighs and grabs his arm. "Mally just meant that she's the mayor's _daughter_..."

"Whatever. What does that even mean? Mayor's daughter?" I push myself outside into the cool hallway before I hear anymore. Maybe I should have stayed to hear the rest, but then again it was probably best if I didn't overly eavesdrop. Gale was defending me. _Gale_ was defending _me._ The thought makes me tingle with laughter. Who'd have thought that would ever happen?

After school I make my way across the field to Prim's school. The bell rings and the kids trickle out but I don't see Prim. Instead, a smaller version of Gale makes his way over to me.

"Hello, Rory," I nod as he reaches me.

"Madge," he bows, and I chuckle. "Prim went home sick. Told me to tell you."

My stomach drops, "Is she okay?"

"The replays at lunch made her hurl," he mumbles. "Should be fine tomorrow."

"Rory?" I turn toward Gale as he calls his younger brothers name. Damn, this boy is _everywhere_ today! "What's wrong?"

"Prim when home sick," he repeats. "Told me to tell Madge."

"It's no matter," I take a step back from the two, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. "My dad gave me a couple of things to get in town before I go home anyways.

"I'll go with you," Gale tightens his backpack strap over his shoulder. "I need to get some stuff too." Rory grins at Gale, his eyes switching back and forth between the pair of us.

"Right, should I tell mom that you..."

"Who said to tell mom anything?" Gale retorts in the same way Rory asks. The younger shrugs and takes a few steps back, holding his hands up in defeat but a still wearing a smirk on his face. "I'll be back later." Rory walks away and then I turn to Gale. "Well, I guess we should go."

"Right," I nod, stumbling a few steps in front of him nervously. He asks what I have to get and I dig in my pocket for my list. First a stop at the bakery, then a stop at the drug store. Lastly, I need to pick up a box from the shoe store.

"Bakery's closed today," Gale tells me as we reach town. "Everyone's a little shaken after the boy got cut." I want to snap at him for not calling him Peeta, but instead I nod in understanding. I probably wouldn't want to be running a shop after watching that either. At least the D2 boy let him get away after saving Katniss' life. As we walk in silence I glance toward the drug store and groan.

"It's packed!"

"We can wait," Gale suggests, but I shake my head.

"I can just get it tomorrow. I'm sure we'll last the night without a lint roller and some bubble gum." He laughs and slides his hands into his pockets. We switch paths to the shoe store and find it not busy at all. "That's more like it," I mutter, pushing the door open. Gale follows me in and the bell on the door rings. The owner of the store, Mr. Grayson, comes out from the back room.

"Ah, Madge!" His smile fits into his laugh lines and his blue eyes twinkle. "You're early!"

"Sorry," I smile and lean onto the counter. "Are they ready?"

"Indeed they are," he says, reaching under the counter and pulling up a box. I pull the money from my pocket and slip it into his hand. "Thank you Ms. Undersee."

"And you, Mr. Grayson," I curtsy gratefully and then Gale holds the door open for me and we're back on the road. "Didn't you need to get something too?" I ask when I realize we're on the path to my house.

"Drug store," he says halfheartedly. I consider the possibility that maybe he had nothing to get and just wanted to be with me, but quickly shove it out. It's a ridiculous idea and Gale would never do anything like that. My house slinks into view and Gale points ahead. "What's that?" he asks, pointing to a strange car parked in my driveway.

"I dunno," I eye it suspiciously. "I've never seen it before." We stand outside my house for a moment and then I turn to him. "Well, thanks for walking with me."

"Anytime," he smiles, flashing his teeth quickly at me. My cheeks threaten to redden but I hold his gaze. "Tomorrow, Undersee."

"Hawthorne," I curtsy again with a laugh and trudge up the porch stairs. I push open the door gently and wonder who could possibly be visiting. Gale's made his way mostly down the road but looks over his shoulder at me just as I'm shutting the door. I suddenly wonder how he's taking everything with Katniss. We don't talk about it, which might be a good thing, but he seems to be intentionally avoiding the topic. No one ever told me how he reacted when Peeta pronounced his love, and he didn't show any emotion when he went back and risked his life to save her after the tracker jackers. Maybe he thinks the whole thing is an act, maybe he knows it isn't. I can't tell if he can't tell, or if he doesn't care.

As I think these things I make my way quietly up the stairs. My fathers office door is still cracked and he's talking to whoever brought the car. It's rare to see cars in D12, but this man obviously came to talk. I settle into my favorite spot and lean my head against the wall.

"Isn't there anything we can do?" My father sounds exasperated. "Maybe send another request?"

"I'm sorry Mayor Undersee, we've already tried five times." The strange man has a Capitol accent only it isn't as thick as it could be. He sounds like he grew up in the districts and then moved to the Capitol.

"She's dying, Grash. Please..." Dying? I jerk my head up straight and pull myself closer to the wall. His voice drops. "I can't lose my wife." Wife? My head snaps back out of surprise and bangs against the wall. Both men instantly silence and I know it's useless to scramble from my spot. My father pushes his door open wider now and meets my eyes. My hand has moved to the bump on my head and he sighs. "What'd you hear, Madge?" His face is void of emotion and I'm not sure if he's angry or not.

I push myself up, my hand still on my head, and return his stare. "Is mom dying?" He nods slowly. For some reason I don't believe this. "Mom's dying," I repeat, and he nods again. "The mother in that room over that?" I point down the hall towards her closed door, and he drops his gaze, still nodding. The man known as Grash follows my father out of the room.

"Hello, Madge," he nods at me. "I'm sorry about your..."

"How long have you known?" I ignore the stranger and snap at my dad. "How long as she been dying?"

"Madge," he starts to nudge me toward the stairs and I know he doesn't want my voice to wake her. "Let me explain..."

My fists are clenched in anger, "How long does she have?" My father looks toward Grash who looks toward the ground.

Grash sighs, "A year, maybe two." Alone. I am destined to be alone.

* * *

><p><em>AN: It's a long one! Yaayyyy! Hopefully this will content you lovely readers for a day or two. Things are definitely changing between Madge and Gale. Next chapter might be the mega turning point. Haven't quite decided. Guess you'll have to wait and see! Critique/review at will, I love you all. c: _


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Still belonging to Suzanne. Deep sigh.**

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><p>Grash leaves quickly after that. I've gone numb and can't really react. I want anything more than to talk to my mother but she's just taken a dose of morphling and won't be awake until tomorrow.<p>

"Madge, you have to understand that I had a reason for not telling you…"

"And what's that?" I snap, pacing back and forth. "You were trying to protect me? Fuck that, you can't always protect me!"

"Margret Undersee do _not_ use those words with me!" His voice booms but leaves me unaffected.

"I can say whatever the hell I want!" I hiss back at him, crossing my arms and turning to face him. "No, I just. No. I can't be here right now." I turn from him and fumble with my shoes, slipping them on quickly.

"And just where do you think you're going?" I can tell he's worried by his undertones but I can't look him in the eye right now. Without an answer I fumble out the door, slamming it behind me. "Madge!" I hear him call through the door, but he doesn't follow me. Tears are stinging at my eyes and I throw my arms around myself.

He's right. Where can I possibly go? The sky is already pink and orange overhead, the wind starting to pick up pace. It's going to be a little chilly tonight, but I can't go home. I can't be within twenty feet of him right now. He's going to want to talk and I can't talk to him. I can't talk about how my life is falling apart around me and I can't talk about how terrified I am of everything. I can't talk about the Games, and I can't talk about the Capitol, and I can't talk about anything. But it's not because I don't want to. It's because I have no one to talk with. Only then do I realize I've already started my walk to the Seam.

By the time I get to Gale's house I'm questioning my own sanity. Why am I here? Why did I think that this would be a good idea? I should just go home before I do something stupid like knock on the door.

"Madge?" Vick peaks out from the window and stares wide eyed at me. Oh crap. "Madge!" The door swings open and Vick ushers me in before I can object. He takes his seat next to Rory on the couch and watches me with caution.

"Hey Gale," Rory calls from his spot when he sees me. "Your girlfriends here!"

"Rory," I shake my head no and widen my eyes. "We're not…"

"What the hell are you talking about? I don't have a..." Gale saunters out of the backroom, and pauses when he sees me. "What are you…" I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. It might be due to the fact that I don't know what I'm doing here. It might also be due to the fact that Gale's shirtless. I can't decide. I drop my gaze quickly and reach up to tug on my hair. Rory is smirking from the couch, once again his eyes going back and forth between us. What do I even say? I don't know why I'm here. "Hold on," Gale says and turns back to his room.

"Feel free to sit, Madge," Rory grins. "Games are on."

"I'd rather not watch them," I admit shyly. "How's Katniss?" I wrap my arms around myself and try to breathe.

"Better," he shrugs. I don't know what better means and I don't really want to ask. I think he knows this and it's why he doesn't elaborate. Gale reemerges from his room wearing a short sleeved gray shirt and I find myself able to breathe again.

"Tell mom I went out," Gale says to Rory, who smirks again but nods in agreement.

"Do I expect to see you sometime tonight?"

"Later, Rory," Gale groans, ushering me out the door. I suddenly laugh at the younger who sits up proudly and waggles his eyebrows. Once outside, Gale shuts the door quietly and two sets of eyes peer out of the window at us. Gale shoots his brothers a glare who fall beneath our view giggling. "What's wrong?" he asks, turning back to me. "Are you alright?"

I pause for a moment, unsure of what to say. "Have you ever just wanted to forget everything?" He raises an eyebrow at me and I sigh, trying to figure out the string of words in my head. I run a hand through my hair and momentarily turn away before coming back. "Like you have so many problems, you just want them to go away. Even if it's just for a little bit."

He nods, "Yeah. Why?"

"Because," I groan. "Because I just want them to all go away!"

"Alright," he says slowly before looking up at the sky. It's pinks and oranges are turning into purples and blues. "Come with me," he says, taking a few steps off.

"Where?"

He laughs, "Why does it matter? Come on, Undersee. Live a little. Don't you trust me?" I scrunch my face before giving him a _maybe_ face. "Just come on," he says, a smile still lighting his face. He turns to walk, and this time I follow. My arms are still folded tightly around me and we walk in silence. The Seam is a little less scary at night with him next to me. After a few minutes we find ourselves in the meadow.

"Oh hell no," I pause, looking towards the fence. "You are _not_ getting me over that thing."

Gale laughs and turns back to me, having walked a few steps in front. "Wasn't planning on it. Come _on,_ Madge." He reaches for my arm and pulls at my wrist until I start walking again. A short distance from the fence he veers left, traveling past the territory I've been in. After squeezing through a few bushes and trees we end up near a stream I've never seen before.

"What's this?"

"Dunno," he shrugs, lowering himself to sit on the ground. "I found it when I was younger, and yes, we're still inside the fence." I laugh at the last part and follow his actions, sitting next to him. "I come here when I want my problems to feel small." Then he lies down, sliding his hands behind his head. "I mean look at us. We're two people, right? On one planet out of how many? That's just for our sun, too. What about all the other suns?" I lay down next to him and also put my hands behind my head. "They've gotta have planets too, right? Surely we can't be the only people in the entire universe to have problems." However, in this moment, I feel like we _are_ the only people in the entire universe. Therefore our problems would be the only ones.

"I feel like they just have more room to shout at me out here," I admit guiltily. He's trying to do something nice for me and it isn't helping much.

"Of course that's how you'd think," he laughs. "Just look at the stars, Madge. There are _millions_ of them. Don't think. Just look."

The stars twinkle in the sky and I sigh. "You can't see them from town," I tell him. "The streetlights ruin any view you want to get." There's so many little dots above I begin to feel dizzy and flabbergasted just looking. The worries in my head gradually lessen and all I can think about is those dots, those millions of little dots…

"Madge?"

"Shhh," I close my eyes and listen to the stream as it gaggles a few feet from us, the wind as it dances through the leaves and through my hair. I hear him laugh quietly at me. After a few minutes I take a breath and tell him, "My mom's dying." He waits a moment but then turns on his side to look at me. I keep my eyes shut but can feel his gaze on me. "My dad's known for a few years. I found out by accident. She has a year left, maybe two. It's hard to tell." I swallow slowly and find it hard to do so.

"Madge…" he trails off, sitting up more. I shake my head and push myself off the ground, keeping my eyes shut due to the tears pushing at them.

"I don't understand," I mutter, pushing my hands into my eye sockets, trying to stop the tears before they start. "I already don't have any friends and now I'm losing my mom too…"

"Hey," he leans over and wraps his arms around me quickly as the tears begin to fall. "Don't say that. That's not true."

"Yes it is!" I whimper into his chest as he pulls tighter. "I don't have _anyone_!"

"You have me," he says firmly. I sniffle and pull away from him. "Okay?" I nod and then he sighs, pulling me back into his arms again. His body is warm and I fit perfectly in his grasp. He rests his chin on my shoulder and sighs. "It's gonna be okay."

* * *

><p><em>AN: Hello hello! First I'd like to say that seriously every time I get a review from you guys I like bounce and squee. They make me so happy! I'm glad you're enjoying it. Anyways, here's the first part of that chapter I thought might be considered a turning point. I'll post the second part tomorrow sometime... maybe c: Can't post it all at once! That's be crazy! So, I hope it's sincere and heartfelt. It's rather short, and for that I apologize. But it was two short heartfelt chapters or one long heartfelt chapter. I hope you like it!_


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: It's hot in my house. It's February. There's something wrong with this.**

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><p>Sometime later when Gale lets go of me and I've stopped crying we resume laying and watching the stars. We blurt out random things at each other periodically, sometimes funny, sometimes serious. We're sitting a lot closer than before and his body radiates heat. I'm tempted to latch onto his arm but realize I probably shouldn't.<p>

"Rory likes Prim," Gale tells me with a smirk. I laugh, because it's totally obvious.

"Rory also thinks were dating," I point out, causing Gale to laugh too. Then I sigh, "Being friends with both Katniss and Peeta is awful… I'm scared neither of them will come home and I'll have to watch them both die on TV..."

"I haven't watched the Games besides what they show in school," he cuts me off. "It hurts."

"I was going to volunteer for Prim if Katniss hadn't," I say slowly. "I wish I had."

"Don't say that," he groans. I'm about to ask why when he says, "I considered volunteering for Peeta."

"She would've hated if you had."

He nods, "I know." After a pause he mumbles, "I wonder if she knows I love her." His confession stirs something in me, something unpleasant. Of course I knew he loved her, but he hadn't said it. I wish he hadn't said it…

"I wonder if she thinks about me at all," I sigh, attempting to change the subject. I don't really want him to talk about his love for the tribute tonight. "I feel like our entire friendship is something I've made up in my head."

"Can we not talk about this?" he says suddenly, his voice catching in his throat. By this he means Katniss, so I nod. "Let's play a game."

I snort as his sudden change in demeanor, "Sure. What kind of game?"

"I ask you a question and you answer it honestly. Same goes for when you ask me one." I pause, considering this. Do I want him inside my head? But then again, when am I gonna get the change to go inside his?

"You first."

Almost instantly he says, "I asked you earlier if you trusted me. Do you?"

"Yes," I reply just as quick.

After a short pause he says, "Your turn."

I think for a moment. What on earth do I want to know about Gale Hawthorne? There are so many things… "What's your favorite color?"

He laughs, "Blue. What's your middle name?"

"I don't have one," I say quietly.

"Why not?"

"One question at a time," I scold him, and he laughs. "Who else have you brought here?"

"Rory. He got in a fight with my mom and was threatening to hop the fence." Just Rory? "So why don't you have a middle name?"

I groan, "I wasn't supposed to make it out of the hospital, okay?" I lean on my shoulder to face him. "I was supposed to have a twin sister," why am I telling him this, "but she never made it." I've never told anyone this. "We were born early and they said one of the twins sucks the life from the other when there isn't enough nutrients or something stupid like that. I wasn't given a middle name because they didn't think I'd get home." He leans on his shoulder to face me too and looks me in the eye. "A few days ago you said it was too easy with me." I say quickly, desperate to change the subject. I'm tired of talking about how pathetically alone I am. "What did you mean?"

"I meant it's too easy with you," he smirks. "I don't know, Undersee. You get under my skin. You're not afraid of me or scared to tell me the truth." He pauses and lies back down. "I feel different around you than most people I've known for years."

"That isn't necessarily a bad thing," I mumble, lying down again as well.

"I never said it was a bad thing. Just different." As I gaze into the endless abyss of the nighttime sky waiting for his question I catch a shooting star out of the corner of my vision. "Have you ever drank?"

I snort, but then quickly covering my face. "No, why?"

"Is that your question?" he smirks, readjusting his head on his palms.

"No," I laugh, then think for a moment. "Have you drank?"

"Once or twice," he admits. "I did the night Katniss left." Then he laughs, "I think you'd be funny as hell drunk. All giggly and whatnot."

"Offensive," I snap, crossing my arms over my chest. He just laughs and shakes his head, then a smile finds its way to my lips. He's probably right. "My dad would kill me."

"You only got one life," he tells me. "Why not fuck up as best you can?" I want to ask if that's his question but I don't. He's right. Damn, he's _always_ right. The more I think about the Capitol and the Games the more I realize I just want to do stupid and reckless things. I might never get the chance. My eyes begin slowly drifting shut when he nudges me slightly. Then he asks his question, "Do you really hate the Capitol?"

"Oh yeah," I yawn, rubbing my eyes and trying to stay awake. "A lot more than the average citizen should. Why do they have the right to just kill children for fun? I hope they burn." I think for a moment. "But I'm mostly just scared of them."

"Why?"

I don't even realize that he's asking another question. "I didn't used to be. Not until they called Prim's name. I still have two years left. I'd never make it out alive."

"You don't know that," he mutters.

"Yes I do. And so do you." Gale's quiet for a very long time after that. "Are you scared of them?"

"The Capitol?"

"Mmm," I mumble. Sleep is starting to overtake me.

"Terrified," he replies quietly. "Mostly for my family, though. They matter more."

He's supposed to ask me another question but he stays silent, barely shifting in his spot. There's only one more thing I need to know. "Gale?" He grunts in response. "Why'd you bring me here?"

"The look on your face when I saw you in my house," he says quietly, "I don't know. It reminded me of when my dad died." I roll on my side to face him and I realize he's closed his eyes like I had earlier. "Your eyes were red, you couldn't really talk. I just knew, I guess."

"I don't think you're a stupid Seam boy," I mumble as I roll onto my back again. My eyes flutter shut and my thoughts are clouded with sleep and the kindness of a boy I used to despise. I wonder if he still thinks I'm a stuck up girl from town.

Gale leans over me and brushes a strand of hair from my face. "Come on, let's get you home." His voice is soft in my ear and it makes the desire to sleep even more prominent.

"I'm not going home," I yawn again. "Not tonight."

"Undersee…" He sits up and tries pulling me up gently.

"You can go," I grumble, just wanting to curl into a ball and let sleep overtake me, "I'll be fine. I just can't go home tonight. Besides, I like it here. It's quiet. I can think out here." After I get his arms off me and lay back down he stays sitting and watches me for a moment.

"Fine then," he says, lying down next to me.

"What are you doing?" I roll back on my side and look at him. "Go home, Gale."

"After you, Undersee," he says gently.

"You're infuriating," I mumble, rolling over again, and he laughs.

"You too." After a few minutes I think he's fallen asleep, but then he scoots closer to me and he nudges my head to rest on his shoulder. His breath tickles my skin, "Goodnight, Madge." Sleep comes easy after that.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Undersee," Gale's soft voice pulls me slowly out of my dreams. I wake up covered in a layer of dew, clinging to the side of Gale's body like he's my lifeline. "Wake up, would you?" I push myself off of him quickly and hear him chuckle.<p>

"What time is it?" I mutter sleepily, rubbing my eye sockets as if I'll instantly be awake.

"Early," he says. "Open your eyes!" he laughs as I slowly peel them open. The sun is just rising into the sky. Pinks and yellows and light blues swirl in wonder above me. In the darker part of the sky I can still see a few stars. They fade into the yellows but still sparkle in the purples.

The only thing I can manage to say is, "Wow." When I look back to him I realize he wasn't watching the sunrise, he's been watching me.

He smirks, "Have you ever seen a sunrise?" I shake my head no and rub my eyes a second time to get a better look. "Didn't think so." He looks up again and a content smile finds its way to his face. I'm not sure which view I like better, the sunset or the honest smile. Both are pretty rare, and both are wonderful to watch.

"Wow," I say again before I realize I'm staring at him, and then he laughs, turning his head back to me. "It's beautiful," I say quickly, looking up again. This place really does make you forget your problems.

"That it is," he nods, before pushing himself off the ground to stand. "How'd you sleep?" he asks, reaching his hand down to help me up.

"Wonderful," I smile, accepting the hand and pulling myself off the ground to stand next to him. "And you?"

"It was warm," he teases, and my face flares up. "It was like a suffocating blanket and I felt claustrophobic…"

"Shut up!" I hit his arm and he laughs out loud.

"I'm joking, I'm joking!" I cross my arms angrily but can't suppress my smile. "Damn." We make our way back to the meadow, through the trees and bushes, back to the Seam. "How long will you be grounded for when you get home?" he asks as we reach his house.

Shrugging, I say, "Doesn't matter. Why?"

"Because maybe we'll be locked up the same amount of days," he frowns, pushing the door open to his house.

"Gale Vincent Hawthorne!" Hazelle's voice screeches from the kitchen and I flinch. My first thought is to laugh at his middle name but I figure that's probably not the best thing to do when being scolded. "What on _earth_ do you think you're doing strolling in at _this_ hour? I was worried sick! Rory told me you went off with…" she trails off when she enters the living room and sees me standing there, "Madge... how lovely to see you…" the smile on her face is obviously faked and I force one back, desperate to stay on her good side.

"Hazelle," I nod back. She goes to say something, her eyes darting between the both of us, but then just sighs. "It's all my fault!" I blurt, and Gale groans, throwing his head back. "Something happened yesterday and I just needed someone to talk to and…"

"Right," she cuts me off pointedly, her lips pressing together in a straight line. "Right. Madge, can you wait outside for a moment?" I look toward Gale and he jerks his head toward the door. Sweet Capitol bitches I've made a mess of things. Outside the door I instantly press my head up to the wood to hear their conversation as best as I can.

"…can't just go off in the middle of the night with her…"

"…dying, mom… I couldn't leave her there…"

"…care about her? Tell me if you do…"

"…figure things out! Can't you just…" Ugh, stupid wooden door! I step away angrily just as it swings open, Gale is standing on the other side. "We're you listening?" he accuses, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Listening to what?" I ask, crossing my arms. He rolls his eyes and smirks and I notice he's changed his shirt. That reminds me, "I should probably go change before school. Hopefully my dad already left for work." I take a few steps backwards but he follows.

"I'll walk you."

"Gale, you don't have to…"

"I know I don't have to," he says, pulling the door shut behind him. "I want to." I smile as he falls into step behind me. I want him to, too. I want him by my side, and I want him to walk me to school, and I want him in my life. I don't care what anyone else thinks, I don't care what my father thinks or what anyone at school thinks. I want him here next to me.

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><p><em>AN: Here's part two! Oh yes, Madge definitely is feeling something for Gale, but the question is: will she say anything? And if she does, will he reciprocate the feelings? One can only hope so... Enjoy! Or hate it. I mean hey, you're the readers after all. c: __Also, I know Gale seems to be lightening up really quickly which some people might not like, but I really do think he has a soft side. Especially when someone's hurting. He just wants to make Madge feel better considering he feels awful with Katniss being gone and whatnot and wishes someone would help him. Which, in a way, Madge is. I think he's mostly just confused. Which, to me, is very Gale._


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: The bread scene clip came out today in a commercial. I think I cried. **

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><p>After getting to my house, refusing to answer my dad about where I was and why my clothes were wet, changing as fast as I could and making myself semi-presentable for school, I rush out the door. Gale has stayed, surprisingly, and is in the same spot I left him, sitting on my stoop. He's too focused on watching people walk by on their way to work to notice that I've come back outside. I watch him for a moment; his eyes squint as he analyzes each person. I wonder if he's judging them, picking apart every detail down to the way they walk to the clothes they wear. I wonder if he still clumps me with them, as a townie instead of just someone who lives in D12. I close the door so it pops and he shifts to look at me, forcing a short smile onto his face.<p>

"We should start walking," I say quickly, rushing past him and he stands to follow. "I took a little longer than expected trying to avoid my father. We might be late." He says nothing but changes his pace so he walks next to me instead of behind me. My blonde hair tumbles down my shoulders and flies behind me in the wind. I wish I had brought a hair tie or something because now I'm going to look like an animal in school. Not that I'm trying to impress anyone. I think.

"Have you heard anything about Katniss?" Gale asks as the school appears on the horizon. I shake my head no and begin feeling guilty. I haven't asked or paid much attention recently. "She's still out," he mutters. I frown and yank a strand of hair back to my face and begin playing with it. It keeps my mind busy. We pass the bakery and see that it's up and running again. I want to stop in and see Mr. Mellark and ask how he is but we're already late as it is. I think Gale sense this because he says, "He's still alive, you know." I nod, but I know it won't be for much longer. He's nestled himself on the river bed after the D2 boy cut him and his odds aren't very strong right now. Maybe he'll outlast the others.

As we approach the school it's clear that it's already started. "Sorry," I say quietly as he holds the door open for me. "I didn't mean to make us late."

"I leave next week anyways," he shrugs. "I don't even really know why I come anymore." That's right; Gale's going to start his job in the mines. Must mean his birthday's coming up. "Was your dad mad at you?"

"Furious," I mumble when we arrive at the office. I shake the thoughts of my father's angry accusations and fists against the wall from my head. He'd never been that mad before. All late attendees must sign in to prove that they were here, and state their reason of lateness. "What do we say?"

"I usually just leave it blank," he smirks, taking the pen from the secretary. I decide to do the same. After we do that we part ways to different classes, Gale nodding at me with a muted smile, but a smile nonetheless. His gaze holds mine for a moment before he turns the opposite direction. I start walking to my class and glance over my shoulder at him, realizing he's doing the same. I snap my head back and realize I'm blushing. I pause outside the classroom door to collect my breath for a moment, feeling my face to make sure it isn't pink anymore. Stupid Gale.

Once inside, everyone in the class glances at me. A few snicker so I wonder if I'm still blushing. Some in the back whisper something. I hand my pass to the teacher and she barely glances at it before waving me to my seat. I'm not all that late anyways, just a few minutes. The people around me fall to a hush as I sit down and I wonder what they could possibly be talking about.

This routine of whispers and glances follow me throughout the day. I don't find out why until lunchtime.

"Have a good night, Madge?" Cassius slides into the seat across from me, a malicious smile pasted to his face.

"Why is my night any concern of yours?" I snap before taking a bite of my apple. He shrugs, his smile widening with my response.

"You see, I have this friend." Oh, great. "His names Landon."

"I know Landon," I mumble. He's also from town, one of Cassius' many minions. "What about him?" As I wait for him to answer I take a sip from my water bottle.

"See, he sent me over to see if you wanted to go on a date with him." With these words the water doesn't sit in my throat and I choke and laugh at the same time. "Yeah I know. My first thought was who'd want to date you? But I told him I'd come talk to you anyways even though his chances are obviously slim."

"Obviously," I echo, my voice raw from choking. I take another sip to stop it from aching and he continues.

"Yeah, I mean, after you and that Seam kid went gallivanting off in the middle of the night…" A whole new fit of coughs erupts from me.

"_What?_"

"What's his name… Grime… Gash… Gabe…" This isn't happening. "Right, right, Gale. Gale Hawthorne. Yeah after you two disappeared somewhere in the middle of the night and no one's seen you since this morning, I'd say poor old Landon doesn't have much of a shot. Your father contacted _my_ father who said we couldn't start up a search party until the morning..." Cassius' father is the head of the police force in D12. I hold up a hand for him to pause as I learn to breathe again as he sits across from me, a pleasant smirk on his face.

"I," cough, "We're not together…"

"Sure you aren't," he scoffs, leaning back and crossing his arms. "I have my sources from the Seam that say they saw you two wandering into the meadow late last night."

"Why're you keeping tabs on me, Cassius?" I growl, slamming my water bottle on the table.

"Then even _more_ people saw you to _emerge_ from the meadow this morning and arrive to school late!"

"You have no idea what you're talking about," I grumble. "There are plenty of blonde girls that look like me. Could have been any of them." I lie and lie and lie but I know he knows I'm lying because my father called his father.

"Yeah, I know _so_ many blondes that live in the Seam. You're right; I'll have to check my sources." He pushes himself away but keeps his hands on the table. "I might have believed you Madge my dear, if it wasn't for one thing." I meet his eyes and he smiles, it looks genuine but I see the revenge in his eyes. This is all from me smacking him. "The boy didn't deny any of it." He finally removes his hands from the table and leaves me awestruck. Great. Peachy. Wonderful. The entire area around us has been listening and I can feel my face on fire.

I can't be here right now. Nope, I can't do it. I grab all of my things and go to stand when another person slides into the seat across from me. I look up and meet eyes with Gale. "What are you _doing_?" I hiss, momentarily dropping my things.

"Sitting with my girlfriend." He shrugs, a smile tempting his lips.

"I am _not_ your girlfriend!"

"Well I know that, and you know that, but _they_," he gestures to the tables around us, "don't know that." A few moments later Gale's friend Thom takes the seat next to him. This isn't happening.

"And you're condoning it?" I say, not giving Thom a second glance.

"I think it's funny as hell, yes," Gale grins, so does Thom. "Come on, Undersee! What are the odds we'd ever get together? You have to admit its funny!"

Still, I frown. It's not _that _unlikely, is it? "Whatever, Gale."

"I thought you said she had a sense of humor," Thom chuckles, crossing his arms. I want to scold them both because despite my night with Gale I still have the looming threat of my mother dying over my head. It's hard to be funny and serious and calm yet still outgoing all at the same time. Mainly, I'm stressed.

"She does," Gale crosses his arm in the same fashion. "Where it went I'm not sure."

"I'm just gonna go," I mumble, pushing myself away from the table before either of them can stop me. How can he just take this so lightly? How can _anyone_? Yeah, I guess there could be worse rumors spread about me, but I just… I don't know. Maybe it has to do with the fact that it really _is _unlikely that I'm getting upset, or maybe the thought of how Katniss would take the rumor makes my head hurt. I shouldn't even be worrying about this! I should be at home with my mom or catching up on the Games to make sure Katniss and Peeta are still hanging on…

"Where're you going?" Gale calls, and I continue walking without looking at him. "Undersee," he growls, "don't do this." I pick up my pace and hear only my footsteps, causing me to think he isn't following me anymore, but then I remember his footsteps are silent and I wouldn't hear them if he was. "Damnit, Madge, would you stop?" He grabs my shoulder and spins me around to look at him. "What's with you?"

"I just don't want to deal with this right now!" I snap, pushing him off. "Since when," I pause, and spin away for a moment, "since when do my emotions concern you?" The words slip from my lips before I even process them, and then I realize why I'm acting like this. Gale can't care about me, how could he? I'm just some girl from town. I'm the mayor's daughter. I'm just Madge and I know he can't care about me and he doesn't and that I'm just all some big joke to him.

"After last night I'd say we're a little bit more than strangers, wouldn't you?" His tone manages to be harsh and gentle at the same time. I pause for a moment, considering this. Is he actually saying we're friends? No, he can't be. Last night was just… stupid. It was all stupid, this whole thing is stupid! I can't deal with this. I can't deal with this. I was too emotional and that's why I opened up to him and told him all that stuff about my twin and my life and my feelings…

"I have too much going on," I mutter, turning away from him. "I can't deal with this, and my parents, and the Games…" I feel tears pricking at my eyes. "Maybe I _am_ better off alone." Maybe? I know I am. Ever since birth I was destined to be by myself.

"You don't believe that," Gale says, leaning against the lockers as I keep walking. "You want to, but you don't."

"You don't know me Gale!" I turn back to him. "We don't know each other… we're illogical! There's already a rumor about us, do you want another?"

"I thought you didn't care what people thought about you."

"I don't…"

"Then what's it matter?" he says. "What does it _matter_ if we're seen together?" I pause and meet his eyes as he shakes his head. "Embarrassed by the Seam boy?"

"No," I growl, "I'm not, you know I'm not."

"You're sure as hell acting like it."

"Well I'm not!" I say louder, stomping my foot and listening to it echo in the empty hallway.

"Then what?" he throws his hands up with a groan. "What is the big deal? You want the truth, Madge?" Instead of answering I drop my gaze. "I think you're scared to trust other people." I bite the inside of my cheek and the taste of copper fills my mouth. "You're right, maybe we aren't logical friends, but when you told me you trusted me last night you weren't lying. You're just scared now. You've admitted that you trust me and now you're scared that I'm gonna leave you."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to," he scoffs. After a long pause he says, "Your favorite color is pink, that's why you wore the pink ribbon for the Reaping." I look back up as he continues his speech, "You play the piano. You're pretty damn good at it too. You'd rather be anywhere but here. You blame everything on yourself. You'd do anything to change how things are. You've never drank, you have a mouth on you, and you're not afraid to stand up for what you think is right." I swallow slowly and find it getting caught in my throat. "You change your mind more often than most," he goes on, "and despite all the shit that's happening right now I feel calm whenever I'm around you. I forget about it all. I forget where we are, and what's going on, and how tragic this place is. Maybe I don't know you but I sure as hell want to."

"Don't say that," my voice shakes. "I can't… you…" He closes the distance between us in two strides and lifts my chin so I look up to him.

"I can't what, Madge?" His voice is soft and gentle like it was last night. "Care about you?" I jerk my head into a nod and he drops my chin. "Why not?"

"Because you're Gale!" I cry, stepping back and finding myself with my back against the lockers. He steps forward again and leans his forearm on the locker above me, leaning over me. "And I'm Madge…"

"And you have terrible excuses," he smirks, white teeth peeking out from between his lips. As much as I want to look away I can't. "Admit you trust me." I shake my head no and his face turns serious. "Admit it."

"I trust you," I say quietly.

"And that you don't regret last night."

"I don't regret it," I say quickly, a little too quickly. He smiles again and takes a step back. "Why're you always right?" I mutter, crossing my arms. He shrugs and crosses his arms too. I bite the inside of my cheek again and drop my eyes as he studies me. His gaze shouldn't make me nervous but it does and I want to slap him for doing this to me.

"You don't have to be alone, Madge."

"It's easier," I mutter.

"No it isn't," he sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Trust me." Then he smirks, probably because he knows I trust him, but then I just feel more dread inside of me. I trust him, great, but he doesn't trust me, and how could he ever learn to? My stomach tightens and I quickly walk back to the cafeteria. Thom is still sitting at the table and now Bristel has joined him. She smirks in my direction and then Thom turns and sees me, raising an eyebrow as Gale follows.

"Well if it isn't the new couple sneaking back into lunch," she smirks the same way Gale does, and crosses her arms. Bristel has long black hair and it mimics mine by tumbling down her shoulders. She's very pretty and despite being from the Seam even the town boys try to catch her eye. I try not to look angry at her comment but I can tell I do because she chuckles and drops her arms. Maybe she likes Gale. It seems everyone does.

"Just calming her down," Gale reaches his arm over my shoulder and pulls me closer for a brief moment. It's warm and I can feel his muscles flex behind me. I try suppressing my blush but it's there, I can feel it. "She can be so feisty sometimes." His tone is full of sarcastic concern.

"You do like 'em feisty," Thom snorts as he picks at an orange, his eyes focused on the fruit in his hands. I feel so out of place it isn't funny in the least. They all have tanned skin and darker hair while I'm verging on pale and my blonde hair shimmers in the sunlight. "I'm joking," Thom adds when he sees my face fixed in concentration at a spot on the table. Gale squeezes my shoulder before dropping his arm.

"Learn to breathe," he whispers in my ear. My heartbeat picks up as the words tickle me and despite being angry at him and scared of what's going to happen with the Games and my mom and the future in general, I take a deep breath. A grin breaks onto his face as he leans away and then I force myself to finally accept that he does care about me. At least a sliver. And he's right, I need to breathe. The strangers sitting across from me don't ask about the Games, or my family, or the stupid rumor that got me upset in the first place. They just talk.

They talk about the mines that they'll all be joining within the next few weeks, and the annoying couple a few tables over that can't keep their lips off each other ("Glad you two aren't like that!" Thom teases) and Gale's impending birthday (whom speaking of which got nervous when it was mentioned), and how it was starting to cool down which was nice, and I finally knew what it was like to have… friends.

I mean I know they're not my friends, but I know what it feels like now, how great and wonderful it is. Katniss is a great friend, really, but we never had long drawn out silly conversations, and we never gossiped, and we never openly laughed at things that weren't funny. Thom flicks something across the table at me and Gale bats it away before it hits me. I retaliate and toss my apple stem at him, smacking him in the forehead. Bristel snorts into her hand and Gale turns away with a laugh. Thom laughs too and then so do I and I'm not even sure what's funny but I can't stop laughing.

"That's the Madge Undersee I think I know," Gale says gently as the bell rings, dismissing us back to class. Thom and Bristel wave goodbye to me and then drag him off towards his classes. He winks at me over his shoulder then runs off with his friends. Seeing Gale with his friends is like seeing an entirely new person. Hearing Gale in the hall confess he wants to know me is like meeting someone new. He's right. Being alone isn't better. It isn't better at all, because this feeling, this bubble of light in my stomach and goofy grin that won't leave my face, this feeling is what I want, and if Gale's the one to give it to me I'm not going to try to push him again. If anything, I'll pull him closer.

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><p><em>AN: Wow this chapter is all over the place. My first delay and it was mostly because I just don't like this chapter much. I have Madge like this because she's trying to stay strong and fierce but at the same time she's really pained inside about her past and her mom and maybe the future and yeah. Gale's just being Gale and trying to make her feel better because he can't and I don't know, man, I don't know. Anyways, Thom and Bristel are actually in the books. Thom is one of Gale's oldest friends who he knew before he met Katniss. Bristel is someone a lot of other people add to their fanfics but usually he's a boy. According to the Hunger Games wikia, however, Bristel is a girl about the same age as them and works in the mines as well (via Catching Fire). So yadda yadda long and boring, sorry for the wait! School is catching up with me and it's crazy. Also, don't be scared to criticize me. Please! It helps make me a better writer! I love all the nice comments though, someone said they were rambling and should stop because they sounded stupid but I just grinned like crazy because it was too sweet. You're all really great._

_Side note!: Someone mentioned writing from Gale's POV as well? What do you think? Give it a go or stick to Madge? Also, we all know the tragic demise of my lovely Undersee, should I end my story with that same demise or change it up a bit? I like to think Gale had a happy ending in D2 but they never really elaborate. And they all think Madge is dead but you never really know... Opinions on the matter would be nice!_

_Thanks for reading that huge paragraph if you did! Sorry for rambling! x_


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: The other night I got some random email sent to me at 3 in the morning from some random number telling me to get my seats for the Hunger Games. As if I don't already have my tickets...**

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><p>"Come on, Madge!" Prim runs past me as school lets out and I watch her go for a minute. "We have to get to the square! Katniss is waking up!" Without waiting my feet begin to follow her at full speed until I match her pace. The town square is packed; everyone wants to watch Katniss up again. "Look! Look! She woke up while I was in lunch!" The crowd pushes us to the front knowing that Prim is Katniss' sister.<p>

I think back to when I was at lunch and how I didn't even bother to look at the screen. I'm sure she hadn't been waking up though because someone would have noticed and pointed it out. Prim is squeezing my hand and jumping up and down as the screen shows Katniss starting a fire. I look up in the sky and notice it's getting darker. We haven't been standing out here too long but days in late fall get darker earlier so it would make sense. I wonder if Katniss is still in Panem or if they shipped her off to some other deserted landmass. The sun looks to be starting to set where she is too so she must still be in Panem. I think about the desert arenas or the arctic arenas and wonder where in the world those take place. Obviously not Panem, but where? The only maps we receive in school show us… us… and I want to see more. I know it's out there.

As Katniss sits down and starts plucking the bird she recently shot Prim pulls on my hand again. "Should we get going?" she asks, although her voice isn't entirely in it.

"We can stay a little longer if you'd like," I smile, putting my arm around her shoulder. I'm not entirely in a rush to get home considering my father and I aren't on the best terms. I'm almost certain he stayed home today so he'd be there when I returned.

The Games continue and as Katniss lays her first piece of meat on the coals of the fire she's created, the cameras switch to a little girl. The little girl from D11. Prim tenses under my arm and the camera shows the girl hiding, watching. On the screen next to her they show Katniss who looks up in alert.

"You don't think…" Prim trails off as Katniss speaks.

"You know, they're not the only ones who can form alliances," her voice is soft and sincere. Prim looks up at me with wide eyes and I shrug, I'm just as clueless as she is, but it does seem like Katniss is talking to her... They show the little girl hesitate behind the tree.

"You want me for an ally?" her voice is quiet and she squeezes her fists a few times, most likely out of nerves.

"Her name's Rue," Prim tells me. "If Katniss doesn't come home… I wanted… I wanted her to win. I've been watching her. She's smart." I nod as Katniss and Rue continue their conversation. "She's smarter than me. I would've been dead by now."

"Don't say that," I snap, although she's probably true I won't admit it.

Prim shrugs, "Why not? It's true." Her voice shakes as she talks and I squeeze her shoulder. "Come on, let's go," she starts walking. I give one more glance at the screen as Rue begins to mend Katniss' stings. Prim smiles momentarily but then drops it, and we continue on our way.

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><p>Prim and I sit by the piano and laugh as she purposely plays the wrongs keys and makes the song go out of tune. We've left the TV on but muted and glance at it every once in awhile. Once Katniss and Rue started talking about their home districts they switched to other tributes. Peeta's still on the river edge and the Careers are planning on how to find Katniss. She surely isn't making it easier for her, is she?<p>

"It sounds silly when you play the opposite notes," Prim giggles, her hands at the far end of keyboard instead of in front of her where they should be. The song we've been playing is a deeper slower song that is played at dances where you have to move slowly and watch each other's footsteps. "I like it better high pitched."

"Me too," I admit with a smile. She also speeds up the tempo so it sounds like some fairy who doesn't know exactly what she's doing. I start to play the song normally and the two sounds clash so horribly we burst out laughing and fall over the keyboard.

With tears of mirth in my eyes I look up from my seat and see my father watching me, his arms crossed tightly in front of him. My smile falters but Prim continues to laugh, so I listen to her happiness for a moment. It's contagious and I find myself able to smile again. When I look back, my father's gone. I know we're going to have to talk about last night sooner or later but I'm not really in the mood to do so.

"Oh no," Prim says suddenly and looks up at the clock. "It's going on 5!" I wonder what happens at 5 but then she says, "My mom was mad I got back so late last time. I told her it was Gale's fault but she didn't believe me. He's supposed to get me around 5 and he isn't…" as she trails off a knock on the door echoes through the house. I smile and she giggles before finishing, "...here yet."

"Must be him," I say, pushing myself off the piano bench. Prim's a natural player and I see a lot of myself in her. She remembered all the notes I taught her from last time. As she slides on her shoes I hear quick steps coming from down the stairs.

Without hesitation I sprint to the door, opening it and sliding outside before my father can get down the stairs. I bump into Gale because he was standing so close to the door and he looks down with his eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"Hello to you too?"

"From now on we'll just come outside at 5, okay?" My voice is urgent because I don't know if he's going to come outside or not. He raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms. "Just say okay!"

"Alright, alright!" he laughs, "What's gotten into you?"

I peer through the window next to my door and see Prim coming out. "My dad's going to kill me," I groan as she opens the door.

"Why?" she asks as she slips her sweater back over her arms. Gale chuckles and then Prim's eyes widen as they dart back and forth between us, probably due to our close proximity. She smiles mischievously but then asks, "What'd you do? Is it because you're giving me lessons?"

"No, no, no, I just…"

"She just made him mad, Primrose, don't be nosy," Gale saves the day once again and takes a step back. She blushes and drops her gaze to the ground; I suppose minding your own business is important in her family. "See you tomorrow," he says to me, nudging Prim off the porch. "If you're still alive," he adds with a grin.

"Get out of here," I say as I roll my eyes and push him away. He laughs and shakes his head at me before falling into step with Prim. As I go back inside I hear her start telling him about Rue and how Katniss and her made an alliance. I'm sure he already knows but he acts interested anyways, causing me to smile.

As I pull the door shut my dad is standing at the staircase with his arms crossed. "We're going to talk. Now." I cross my arms to mimic him and lean against the door. "I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but if running off in the middle of the night is your way of dealing with things you need to find a new way to cope."

"You expected me to stay here?" I laugh, disgust echoes on the undertones. "I don't even want to be here right now."

"Madge," he sighs, and his face deflates for a moment, but then is angry again. "You have to understand why I didn't tell you."

"Then why?" I demand, standing straight instead of leaning. "How long have you known?"

"I knew when I married her," he says quietly. My entire life, my mother has been dying. My entire _life_. "And I didn't tell you because it's hereditary." I try to take a step back as he says this, but the door is there. I contemplate turning the handle and running away again and not telling anyone but I don't.

"H-hereditary?" my voice shakes as I ask. "That means… that means I…" he nods slowly and rubs his forehead. I go to say something else but I can't speak. I can't speak.

"I've been watching you, trying to see if you show any signs…" he keeps talking but my heart is pounding in my eardrums and I can't hear anything. "…emotional like she was…" I'm dying. I'm dying. I don't have to be scared of the Capitol anymore; I have to be scared of myself. "…but that doesn't mean anything…"

My knees go weak and I go to grab on the door. My father lunges for me just as everything goes black.

* * *

><p>When I wake up I have a damp cloth on my forehead and light is streaming through my window. The clock on my wall says its 8, and judging by the sun I'm guessing its morning. I don't remember how I got here but there's a chair by my bed that suggests my father sat and watched me sleep. He's not here now so I push myself out of bed, grateful that he left a glass of water on my nightstand.<p>

After drinking the entire cup I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is flying up in all directions, my part zigzags across my skull. My eyes look sunken into their sockets and dark bags are underneath. My lips are cracked, my skin is paler than usual. I look like me, only I don't look like me. I don't see myself when I look in the mirror. I see my aunt Maysilee. I see my mom.

Is it possible that I'm sick too? Sick like my mom who can't stand to leave her room and spends all her spare time submerged in morphling? I rub my eyes, trying to clear the skinny dying girl I see out of my head, but she's still there. What does that mean for me? Does it mean I can't get married? Have kids? If it's hereditary I don't want to pass it on. I refuse to pass it on. And when does it start setting in? The only memory I have of my mom when she wasn't lying in bed with headaches consists of a light glow and a kiss to the forehead.

Is my mom still even there underneath? Will I become like her? Empty? No purpose in life? Will I lose all my friends? Will I even have a family then? I take a deep breath and rub my eyes again. I need to stop thinking like this. I'm not sick. Not now anyways. I'm healthy and alive and I have so much in my life to look forward to. I'm not going to let fear drag me down, I'm not going to sit and wait for my death sentence. When I pull my hands away again, I see me. Sleepy, hungry, tired, me. Madge Undersee.

Silently I creep out of my room and down the hall into my mother's room. We've made the door so it doesn't squeak but I'm still a tad nervous when I push it open. When I walk in she's sitting up, looking out the window. Her face is placid and she doesn't glance at me as I come in. I feel like I haven't seen her in forever.

"Your father told me you found out," her voice is calm as she speaks. It doesn't crack, it doesn't shake; she's still my mother. "I'm sorry it had to be that way."

"Didn't you want me to know?"

She shakes her head and turns toward me, still not meeting my eyes. "No, I didn't. I found out when I was young, a little after your aunt died. I spent the rest of my life preparing to die instead of living." She pauses for a moment and an unsteady smile spreads on her face. "Then again, you aren't like me much."

"Didn't you want me to spend more time with you?" I sit on the chair by her bed and she grabs my hands. "We could talk more, I could come up here more."

Again, she shakes her head. "I don't want you to waste your life on me, Madge. I want you to have the life I never did. I want you to go out and have fun and be free." I want to say something about how I'm not free, and how D12 will never allow me to be free. But I don't, I just nod. After wanting to cry for the past few days I can't bring myself to do it now.

"What if I want to though, can I? Come up here?"

"Of course," she says softly. "If you want." She pauses and then says, "Sometimes I hear you playing the piano. It follows me into the morphling. Will you play more?" I nod again and now I feel the tears pricking at me. "Good, good."

"Mom?" She looks back to me from the looking out the window. "Does it hurt?"

Her gaze drops and she lets go of my hand, pulling them back to her. "Yes."

"Right now?" My voice shakes as her blue eyes meet mine.

"No, dear, never when I'm with you. Never." Her eyes begin to go hazy and her head droops. She looks toward her side where the morphling is attached. "I'm sorry," she tells me, "I didn't know you'd be here."

"It's okay mommy," my voice quivers as I stand. "I'm going to go eat something anyways." She smiles as she lays back down, pulling the blanket over her.

"I love you, Madge."

"I love you, too," I whisper as I go to leave. I watch as her smile stays with her as she passes out, then I shut the door quietly. I will be strong. I must be strong.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Two days in a row! Woohoo! For those of you who read my a/n's I wanted to say that I don't think I'll be killing off Madge... I just don't have the heart to do so! If that makes you stop reading then so be it, but I promise it won't be what most of you are expecting. Also, in later chapters I am most likely going to switch to Gale. Probably for when we hit Mockingjay though (yes I'm doing all books!) and maybe the last half of Catching Fire. It's important to the story to see some from his POV because Madge can't be everywhere and have every conversation needed. Like I said, if that makes you stop reading, I apologize. Anyways, I have the best readers ever and I read every comment and they just make me happy and I love you all okay soppy sob story xoxo love Jenn c:_


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: My name is Jenn. Although I am not Suzanne I still love you all. c:**

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><p>"Are you sure you want to know?" my father asks as Grash pulls out the needle from his case. "We can wait a few years if you aren't ready."<p>

"I need to know, Dad." I try to make my voice forceful but it still shakes. "I have to." He sighs and steps away, allowing Grash to step forward. With an emergency call my father brought him over to get my blood tested. If the disease is present we'll know in a few days once it's sent through the Capitol's fancy doctors testing. D12 doesn't have the type of scan we need.

Grash goes to straight work, wiping the injection site on the inside of my elbow with rubbing alcohol. "It doesn't hurt much," he tells me, extending the _much_. I don't care how much it hurts, I just want to get it over with. "Here we go," he mutters, sliding the needle into my vein. I shudder and squeeze my father's hand, looking away from the image before me. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous! And much? Is he crazy? This hurts like hell!

"How much longer," I mutter, squeezing his hand tighter. "How much longer!"

"All done," Grash smiles at me and yanks the needle out. "You're so fidgety," he tells me as he wraps the bandage around my elbow and places cotton underneath. "Look, I picked pink just for you." I smile politely at him but the neon tape is going to attract attention from everyone. "You can take it off in a few days," he tells me as I stare at it.

"Thanks, Grash," I tap at the tape and force another smile. The one he returns to me is sincere and he pats me on my head like a dog. Maybe I was wrong about him growing up in a district and then moving to the Capitol. His apology when I found out about my mom was true, though, I could tell by the pity in his voice. I'm not sure about Grash. He doesn't seem all awful.

"Now if you don't mind," he steps away and bows, "I have other places to be." He shakes the vial of my blood in his hands and turns the other direction. My father leads him out the door as they shake hands and I slump onto the couch, staring at my arm. Just one little vial could change my life forever. Change it in a way I never had expected. Maybe it's best I don't have friends, it leaves less people to get hurt if I die. Suddenly I think about the Games and how if I was killed in them… no one would really be affected. My mom probably wouldn't even know I was in them, and she'd be dead soon anyways too. My father, of course. But friends?

I think back to Katniss and wonder if we really are friends. I wonder if she thinks of me while in the arena. I know she thinks of Gale and Prim and maybe a few others, but of me? Hopefully the pin stirs up a few memories of lunch or gym class, not just of a mockingjay. I scrunch my nose as my father shuts the door and walks back over to me.

"I'm sorry I ran out the other night," I say quietly, not lifting up my eyes to see him. I want to believe what I'm saying but I don't, because I'm not entirely sorry. He shrugs and sits in the armchair across the room.

"Just had me worried, that's all."

"You should have told me. I'm not like mom, I can handle bad news."

"Obviously not," he crosses his arms in front of him. "You ran off with some Seam boy." I bite my tongue at the comment and I'm sure he notices. "Something you've got to say, Madge?" The way my name rolls off his lips makes my heart sink. He's still upset with me. He's more upset with me than he's ever been and I can tell because it echoes in his voice.

"Yes."

He waits a moment, and after I don't respond he says, "Well?"

"Well I think you're uneducated if you think he's just a Seam boy," I reply angrily, standing up and storming to my room. The door slams and reverberates throughout the house and I'm not even caring if I woke my mother. I'm almost certain I didn't, she took morphling this morning. Of course, only the moments I spend staring at myself in the mirror do I realize I didn't get mad over the lying, I got mad over what he called Gale.

I don't know if my dad and I will ever be the same again. One stupid fight is all it took to break us. We seemed so happy, so normal. I remember just a few days ago when he gave me the golden pin the first place. Could it only be days? A week at most. It feels forever away. What changed when Katniss boarded that train? When she was broadcasted live to all of Panem? Why has my father gone and turned into a liar, a judgmental secret keeper?

Of course, I suppose he's always been that way, hasn't he? I just hadn't noticed.

* * *

><p>Happy notes. High notes. They begin to crackle. Deep notes. Dark notes. Notes of all kind are flying through the air. I try to listen but I can only hear the throbbing on my heart, <em>bump bump bump. <em>I'm playing for my mom, playing so her dreams are filled with me. _Bump bump bump_. Or am I playing for me? I can't quite tell. The pounding gets louder and I slam my hands on the keys.

"What!" I should to no one in particular. The room is filled with an eerie silence after my music, not even the beating of my heart echoes.

"Madge?" A call through the door makes me jump and I rush to see who it is. Gale's peering through the window, Prim at his side. She's looking at him, who's looking at me because I'm now in the hallway. I fumble with the door handle and Prim runs to me, grabbing me in a hug.

"Oh, Madge," she cries, squeezing me. "I was so worried when you didn't get me from school…" I look up at Gale for an explanation at her sudden wave of emotions but he just shrugs.

"Primrose can you give us a minute?" He asks politely.

"Go over to the piano," I tell her. "I'll be over in a second." She nods and wipes at her eyes although she hadn't been crying and Gale takes a step backward so I can follow him onto the porch. "What's up?"

"Well you weren't at school," he starts, his eyes studying the neon wrap on my arm. "I went to pick up Rory and Vick and Prim ran out of the school crying, talking about how Katniss almost blew herself up during lunch."

My stomach drops, "Is she okay? Katniss?"

"Last I checked," he says, his eyes finally crawling back up to mine. "Her ear was bleeding, probably blew out an eardrum. All the careers food and supplies are gone though."

"I haven't been watching," I admit. "Just kind of… sitting around."

"Anyway, when you weren't there… Prim was worried. Wanted to check on you, I guess." He pauses for a moment, looking at my arm again. I cross it over my chest and under my other arm so it's harder to look at. "Is your mom alright?"

"Yeah," I say, my voice shakes. "She's okay." I know he wants to ask why I wasn't there but I can't tell him. Not today. Not right now. Not with Prim inside tinkling away on the keyboard. Not after Katniss nearly dies. "I'll have to watch the recap of the Games."

"They're a little… gruesome," he tells me, his face morphing into stone. "Just a warning." I force a smile onto my face to show I understand and that I'm grateful for his warning. I drop my eyes to the ground behind him. "Are _you_ okay?"

"Fine, just fine," I say with a little too much enthusiasm, trying to force my eyes up to his but they don't make it. He raises an eyebrow at me and I take a step back, reaching for the door. "Perfectly fine. See you at 5." With that, I push my way into the house without a goodbye and find Prim staring at me. "What?"

"Nothing," she says, looking back down.

"You can ask," I laugh, walking over gently and plopping onto the bench next to her. I remember how she got embarrassed last time she asked something and Gale scolded her. I kind of like how she pays an interest in me, however.

After a few minutes of her tapping two keys back and forth she asks, "Why were you playing such scary music?" I pause. Was I? "I mean you don't have to tell me I was just wondering because even Gale was worried. It was really loud and we could hear it from the streets and everything."

"I… I didn't know I was. I guess I let my mind wander, is all. No reason." She continues tapping the two consecutive keys. "Anything else?" She looks toward my arm briefly but then back to the piano, giving her head a slight shake of a no. "Alright, then let's get started."

With my dad not home I feel a little less constricted. I allow myself to smile and even manage to get a few out of Prim. Once again, she's a fast learner. Even faster than I was. I sit back and listen as she taps away a simple tune, humming along as she does so. The night drags on and at 5:00 Prim pulls me out of my stupor, saying that Gale is probably waiting for her. We stand up, close the lid on the piano, and I lead her outside. Of course, right on cue, Gale hops up to get Prim. He glances at the neon tape again but says nothing.

"You coming to school tomorrow?" he asks after Prim walks ahead a few steps. "I think Thom missed you today."

I chuckle and look towards my feet. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good," he smiles. "See you then, Undersee."

"Hawthorne," I retort sarcastically. He laughs and goes to catch up with Prim who kept looking over her shoulder with a giddy smile.

After they leave I shut the door quietly and wrap myself on the couch, turning on the TV so I can watch replays of the Game. I'm feeling awfully lonely. I wish Prim were still here, or maybe Gale but only if he wasn't going to ask questions.

The pink on my arm suddenly catches my eye and I'm pulled back to reality. The reality that my test results will be back in a few days. The reality that I may already be dying. I can't wish for things like Prim's comfort or Gale's hand to grip when I'm nervous. I can't attach myself to people until I know that I'm not going to be dead in a few years.

As the screen flashes with debris from the explosions Katniss set off, I know what I have to do. I have to sever ties. I have to cut myself off. I refuse to hurt anyone but myself.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Next chapter with more drama! Sorry this one's a little slow. There has to be those progression chapters... but Gale's birthday is coming up! There will be some rambunctious behavior *snicker*. Hope you're all having lovely days! c:_

_Edit: Thanks to Ellenka for telling me I used to wrong vile/vial. Embarrassing! All fixed now, thanks again! c:_


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: More headstrong Madge ahead. She's a tricky one, that girl. Also it is late and I am sleepy and although I checked twice for errors there still might be a few.**

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><p>At lunch, Bristel sits down next to me without questioning. Gale and Thom take a longer time in the lunch line and she starts up small talk with me. I want to ask her to leave considering I'm cutting ties off with everyone, but she just keeps talking.<p>

"… and then the whole damn arena just blew up, okay well not the whole arena but that whole area! I was like _freaking out_ but she was fine so I didn't really have to freak out I guess. She was up and walking this morning, which is good!" I don't mean to laugh, but I do, and then she smiles. She's just too overenthusiastic about the whole thing, making a show with her arms and everything. "Anyway, Gale's birthday is Friday." Friday's tomorrow.

"Is it?" I ask before taking a sip of my water. I actually knew it was tomorrow, I was just trying to avoid this conversation. She nods and I place the water down.

"He probably already knows but we're having some party type thing down in the Seam for him. You should come!" My insides bubble with guilt and I scrunch my face. "Oh, come on, Madge. The Seam isn't _that_ dirty."

"No," I chuckle, "it's not that."

"Well then what is it?" She asks, crossing her arms pointedly. I can't tell her. I can't tell her. "See, nothing. You have to come! Gale would want you there!" I snort and almost spew water out of my mouth. For some reason the idea of Gale wanting me near him still makes me laugh.

"I'd never be allowed."

"We'll find a way around it," she grins evilly. I kind of want to know the plan, but I keep reminding myself over and over and over again that I need to sever ties. I _need_ to.

"Look who graced us with her presence today!" Thom calls as he sits down across from Bristel. "What an honor to be in the presence of _the_ Madge Undersee. Taking time away from her busy life to accompany us lesser folk for lunch…" He trails off as I bite into my apple and glare at him. He knows my look is sarcastic and laughs out loud, I allow the guilty pleasure of a soft smile.

Gale seems to be preoccupied and has zoned out staring at the tape on my arm. I skewered my entire closet today looking for a sweater but they were all dirty and now I'm regretting not just wearing one with some coal dust on it. I drop my arms quickly under the table into my lap and he blinks a few times.

"Gale," Bristel waves her hand in front of his face. "You in there?" He looks back, his eyes back in focus, and smirks a little. "Whatcha thinking about?"

"Nothing," he replies with a shrug as he shoves his fork into some rice. "Nothing."

* * *

><p>Gale accompanies me to get Prim and keeps his eye on my arm. A few times I know he goes to say something but he always stops himself. Finally I turn to him.<p>

"Will you stop looking at it?" I say. "It's not like I asked for pink neon tape it's just the kind they gave me." His mouth snaps shut and he looks away for a moment. "Just don't pay attention to it."

"Why do you have it?"

"Why does it _matter_?"

"Because you weren't at school yesterday and then you have that creepy thing on your arm and were playing scary as hell depressing music when I dropped Prim off."

"Well hell, Gale, if I knew you paid that much attention to me I might have worn my hair up instead of leaving it down." I grumble. He laughs and crosses his arms, straightening his back and shaking his head. "What's so funny?"

"You," he laughs. "Besides, your hair looks better down." I blush and angrily cross my arms, matching his demeanor. He snickers again and walks off with Rory when he emerges from the school, Vick running after and attaching himself to Gale's leg. Gale scoops Vick up into his arms in a cradle and starts running, Rory trailing after them hooting and throwing his hands in the air. Vick's laughter can be heard from where I am and I can't help but smile. Prim manages to find me through the crowd. She's looked a little shaken so I walk straight up to her.

"Hey, are you alright?" She nods, but looks down, then up, then around at everyone else. "Are you sure?"

"I have a bad feeling," she tells me quietly. "I'm not really in the mood to play piano today. Can you just take me home?" I enthusiastically reply with a sure and we start the journey to her home immediately. She starts telling me about her day and I listen with patient ears. "Rory sat with me at lunch," she says. "He gave me his apple because he didn't want it."

I smile, "Maybe he likes you." In fact, I know that he does.

"Maybe he likes Bandele," she mutters, crossing her arms and stomping her feet as she walks. "Bandele's in his class." I almost forgot that Rory was a year older than Prim. "She has this curly brown hair and everyone likes her."

"Everyone likes you too, Prim." I laugh, nudging her with my elbow. "_Loves_ you!" She kicks her feet around but a smile is on her face now. "Do you like him?"

"Rory?" she looks up, her eyes wide. "No! I mean, no! Of course not, Madge! Rory Hawthrone is, well he's… he's unbelievable! And not in a good way." She crosses her arms and straightens her posture, not looking back towards me. "He's always around girls!" I smile to myself because Rory is, in fact, a miniature version of Gale. "They always laugh at his jokes and they aren't even funny."

"Prim," I finally laugh. "Are you sure you don't like him?"

After a long pause she sighs and says, "Well maybe a little." Her cheeks are tinted pink and she has an embarrassed type of smile on her face. "Don't tell Gale!" she suddenly says, panic in her eyes.

"Prim! I'm not gonna tell Gale! Why would you think that?"

"You guys are always together now," she says. "Wait," she pauses in the middle of the street and looks up at me, a mischievous smile playing on her face. "Wait! Do _you_ like _him_?"

"No," I say quickly, a little too quickly and she grins. "I don't like him, I swear!"

"Sure," she giggles. "If you're worried about Katniss then don't be, she doesn't like him like that. She has too many things to do to like boys. She doesn't even wanna get married."

"Prim," I say again, "I don't like Gale. Honestly." My words feel dishonest, because I mean I guess I do like him. As a friend! Not anything more, I don't think. I've never really dealt with boys before. Few have shown interest in me, so it's not like I know what flirting is like. Maybe I flirt with Gale without me knowing. Maybe he flirts with me and I flirt back because I don't know what it is…

"Sure," she giggles again. "If you say so."

"I do say so," I retort, and once again she giggles. Prim may still have that bad feeling in her gut but it doesn't show as she prances down the streets. As her house nears she slows again.

"It's back," she says quietly. "That feeling is back."

I put my arm over her shoulder and squeeze it gently. "I'm sure it's okay." We stop outside her door and she hesitates to open it. "Do you want me to come in?" She nods and then jiggles the handle, opening the door easily.

Mrs. Everdeen sits on the couch, her fist in her mouth as she watches the flickering TV. "Prim," she says quickly, although she is looking up at me. I understand that she wants me to pull her away but I don't react fast enough. "You shouldn't be here right now, you should go outside…" Mrs. Everdeen goes to stand to push her out but Prim's eyes are already glued to the screen.

"Katniss! Katniss!" A small voice cries out through the woods. The camera flashes back to Katniss who turns in alert. It shows the view of Rue entangled in her net on the left side of the television, Katniss running towards her on the right side.

"Rue!" Her voice is panic stricken as she hops over a log. "Rue, I'm coming!" Prim's eyes are already filled with tears as she runs to her mother, burying herself in her side but keeping her attention on the screen. I can't move. I can't breathe. Rue struggles with the net, hopelessly trying to cut herself out of it. Her deep brown eyes dart back and forth with fear and then Katniss makes her way to the clearing.

The two sides of the TV merge into one, and then the boy from D1 is shown, throwing the spear.

"No!" Prim chokes, sobbing. "Mommy…" her cries fill the entire room. I still can't move. Still can't breathe. In the stomach. Rue screams. I cringe. Katniss shoots. The boy falls. It all happens so fast. I gag as he yanks the arrow from his neck and blood gushes from his throat and mouth. He's dead before he hits the ground.

Mrs. Everdeen looks toward me with wide watery eyes. She gestures to the other side of the couch with her head and I falter in my movements. First I close the door and then fumble with my steps to sit on the other side of Prim. Mrs. Everdeen reaches over and rests her hand on my shoulder for a moment. I can't seem to swallow.

Katniss tucks herself close to Rue and gently strokes her hair. Rue tries to be as strong as she can but tears are streaming down her face and her voice is weak and shaky. As Katniss sings her final goodbye, Prim starts sobbing again. It gets so bad that she gets up and leaves the room, closing the bedroom door tightly behind her. I'm captivated. Katniss is out in the open and she doesn't care. She sings Rue to sleep. She wipes her tears. She kisses her forehead. She decorates her in flowers. She gives the three fingered salute. Mrs. Everdeen next to me wears a sad smile on her face and I know that she's proud of her daughter.

Prim stays locked in her room and Mrs. Everdeen stands to make dinner. "Thank you for walking her home," she says quietly. "And for giving her lessons. I can't be there for her like you can, it means a lot to me and to Katniss too I'm sure." Her voice falters when she says Katniss' name but picks up again.

"It's no trouble at all. I love being with Prim, she's a good kid." Mrs. Everdeen nods and goes back to chopping vegetables. I go to leave but she stops me.

"Hazelle told me that your mother is sick," she says, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Is that true?" I know Gale told his mom, so it would make sense that Mrs. Everdeen knows too. I nod hesitantly and she removes her hand. "I'll keep her in my thoughts," she says quietly.

"That's kind of you." And really, I mean it when I say it.

"We were friends when we were younger," she tells me as she returns to dinner once more. "I was with her when Maysilee was reaped." Everything finally makes sense! "You look just like her, you know." No wonder she was staring at me! I can't form words so I just nod, and although she doesn't look out me I guess she sense it. "She got sick soon after, your mother. For some reason I thought she was healed now... I think the ordeal with her sister just made it worse."

"I… Yes. Right. Maybe." She smiles again but it drops quickly.

"Is that why you have that tape on your arm?" Her tone is gentle. She must know it's genetic, or because she's a healer she recognizes it. "They're testing you for it too?"

"Y-yes…" I don't mean to stutter. Out of habit I try to cover it with the opposite hand but it still peaks through.

"Didn't mean to be nosy," she says. "I try not to be. But we were good friends and…"

"It's really quite alright, Mrs. Everdeen. I understand." She turns back to me and leans against the counter.

"Does Prim know?" She asks, glancing at the tape again. I shake my head quickly and she nods once before brushing a stray hair behind her ear. "What about Gale?"

"Wh… what about Gale?"

"Does he know that you might have it?" I shake my head no again and drop my eyes. "I think you should tell him." I bite the inside of my cheek and keep my eyes on the floor. "I know you don't want to, but I think you should." Should I tell her I plan to sever ties? Just tell him that I can't handle a friendship now? Maybe ever?

I still have a hard time understanding that we might be friends. Maybe if I tell him what's going on, how I might be sick, maybe he'll understand. It's the best I've got. "You're right," I say. "Thank you Mrs. Everdeen."

* * *

><p>As I begin my walk home before evening falls I take a detour to the meadow. I want a glimpse of the sunset, the stars that twinkle in the darker part of the sky while pinks twirl on the other. I want a reminder that there is still beauty in this world. Rue didn't do anything wrong. She didn't break any laws. She didn't kill anyone. She was just a child.<p>

She'll never have her first kiss. She'll never go on a date. Never get married or have kids. She doesn't get to live, and for what? Entertainment of Capitol citizens? To teach the rebels that have died long ago, a lesson? She died for nothing. A poor, innocent, harmless child. Gone.

"It's almost 9," a voice tells me. I turn from the spot I've claimed as my own on the ground and see Gale watching me. "If you didn't know."

"Hunting?" I ask, and he shrugs. "Rue's dead." I stretch back out and look towards the sky. "What did she do to deserve that?" I don't know why I ask. I don't expect an answer.

I hear him sigh. After a few moments of silence he says, "Come on, Madge." Gale leans down, extending his hand to me. His face shows no emotion but I know he must be upset. "Let's get you home." I want to tell him I don't want someone to walk me but I can't find my voice and he does anyways. As we near my house I slow my steps and the streetlights flicker on.

"We can't do this, Gale," I say quietly.

"Not this again," he groans. "I swear it's a daily thing with you. I should just expect it by now!"

"If you should expect it then why keep trying?" I mumble. "It's different now. It's more complicated."

He scoffs, "And why's that?"

"Because!" I shout, my voice echoing off the nearby houses. "Because," I repeat quieter, "not until I know for sure."

"Know what?" After a long pause he asks again. "Know _what_, Madge? Does it have to do with that?" He points to my arm and I turn away from him. "It has to do with your mom too, doesn't it?" I take a few steps away from him and he grabs my shoulder, spinning me back around. "Are you sick too?" The urgency and panic in his voice startles me and I step back.

"I-I don't know!" My gaze drops to the ground. "I don't know. I figured… I figured I should just not…"

His voice turns gentle and his eyes are wide, "Not what?" He knows exactly what I can't say. "You figured you could just avoid people until you find out?" Without a response he throws his hands in the air angrily. "And what happens if you are sick, huh? You'll just cut everyone out and lock yourself in your room for the rest of your life?"

"That way I'm not hurting anyone but myself," I say quietly. "It's easier."

"Easier? What is with you and easier? Why should it matter if it's _easier_? Hell, Undersee, you must be a lot lazier than I thought."

"Don't give me that," I snap, crossing my arms. "It's smart... it's logical."

"It's probably one of the stupidest things you've ever said, actually," he says, rolling his eyes.

"Gale!" I throw my arms and squat on the curb by the road. "I'm sorry, alright? I just don't know what else to do…" my voice cracks and I lower my head into my hands. "It feels hopeless. It's hereditary, Gale, I'm bound to have it." He lowers himself next to me and out of instinct I lean on his side.

"You don't know that,"

"Neither do you and I don't want to become attached to people if I do."

"Well," he says after a slight pause. "Fine. If you want to mope in your closet for the rest of your life, be my guest. But not until after tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

He nods, "After the party." I groan, and hear him chuckle. "You honestly think I'm going to let you miss it? Live a little, Undersee. Maybe you'll realize having people care about you isn't a bad thing." I want to say that it could be bad, that I could die and I'd end up causing a terrible sadness to those very people. But I don't.

"I don't want to go," I mumble, but I'm lying. I _do_ want to go, mainly because I've never gone to a party with people my age before and it's bound to be fun.

"You could use a good time," he tells me, nudging me with his elbow. "You're stressing too much. Don't you see? You worry about everyone but yourself. When was the last time _you_ were happy? Just smile for crying out loud, things get easier."

With another groan I push him away, and again he's laughing. Because he's right. He's always right. "You're infuriating," I say, pushing myself up and follows, throwing his arm around my shoulder.

"You too," he tells me. "You too."

* * *

><p><em>AN: Gale's birthday next chapter. Also, this is the last chapter of Madge being a mopey "I-can't-have-friends" girl. I know it's probably getting annoying but honestly, if you never really had friends then all of a sudden they came at you from everywhere, you'd probably have trouble wanting to stick around them too. It'd be confusing. If anyone has read TFIOS by John Green (if you haven't, I suggest it!) then you'd understand what I'm getting at. You don't want to be a timebomb and cause people to care about you, but then knowing you're dying be greedy and force them into unhappiness. Does that make sense? I hope so. But that is done with as of this chapter! Madge will be happy, I promise. Also, someone asked me what disease Mrs. Undersee has and to be honest, I just kind of made one up. I figured as time goes by the future will present us with new, un-treatable diseases and tragedies. Merp. Enjoy! Or hate it. You're the reader after all c:_


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: This chapter includes teen drinking. If that upsets you then I apologize, but it's in fact a part of society and I believe it's plausible in Panem as well. **

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><p>"You're coming," Gale says, tapping his foot impatiently. "Now." I have no excuse. My father isn't home to tell me I can't, and he'll just assume I went to bed. It's only just 6 but he works all night. "I'll drag you if I have to." His arms cross tightly over his chest and he narrows his stare. I scrunch my face and grab a thin jacket from the coat rack by the door. A victory smile spreads across his face as I grab my key and slide it into my back pocket.<p>

"If my dad gets home early and finds out I'm not here…"

"He'll what? If he didn't ground you for staying out the entire night I doubt he'll ground you for getting home at three. I mean at least you'll be home."

My voice squeaks, "Three?" He grins and grabs my wrist, pulling me out the door. "I've never been to a party before. Any… anything to keep in mind?"

We walk towards the Seam, my footsteps soft next to his silent ones. I'm trying my best to keep them quiet just to prove that I can. He thinks for a moment but then tells me, "Don't accept drinks from people you don't know. Never leave your spot by the fire unless you don't want it back. Stick with me, Thom, or Bristel the whole night."

"Wait," I pause. "Wait. No one told me there'd be drinking."

"Technically, you're pretty much the only person at the party that isn't the legal age." In D12 our drinking age is 19. If you're old enough to work in the mines, you're old enough to get wasted. "And no one said you _had_ to drink. It's not like we're going to hold a gun to your head and force you to," he laughs. "If you're not ready for it then don't, simple as that."

"But I'd be the only one not, wouldn't I?" I ask, and he shrugs. I guess I'm going to have to make a decision later, because right now I'm too focused on the task at hand. "So what's the Hob like?"

Gale shrugs again, "No one asks questions. Kinda like a family. You're nervous, aren't you?"

"Well I _am_ the mayor's daughter," I mumble, glancing behind me. "What if they kick me out or something? Think I'm there to shut them down?"

"Madge," he laughs, "You're with me. No one'll care, okay?" Once again I scrunch my face and find myself biting the inside of my cheek. Copper swirls my senses as the old coal warehouse comes into view. "Stop," he laughs again sensing my nerves, "I said you'll be fine."

Despite being with Gale, I still wonder how to prepare myself for this. As he enters the room the people cheer a hello, and he shouts one back. A few people look at me suspiciously but only one sticks out.

"Well, little Ms. Undersee, what brings you here?" I spin around and find myself face to face with a young red headed man. A smile spread across my face as he crosses his arm in suspicion but leaves a tempting smirk on his face. "I doubt your father would appreciate it much."

"Shut up, Darius," I laugh. Being one of the youngest peacemakers in D12 he's pretty nice. Doesn't care much about following rules. We talk every once in awhile when he has to stop by the house and he's really friendly. He laughs too, and Gale leaves me with him to go buy whatever alcohol he wants. The people at the Hob know it's his birthday and everyone shouts their good wishes at him. A smile stays content on his face throughout the duration of the visit.

"You're with Gale?" Darius asks, lounging back in his seat as he sips at a mysterious liquid.

"It's his birthday, he's picking up… supplies for his party."

Darius grins again and sets his cup back on the table. "You'll be drinking?"

"Never said that! I never said that!"

"You didn't have to," he says, gesturing to the seat next to me. "Sit down, would you?" I glance toward Gale who's busy talking to an bony older woman. "So tell me, how did you and Mr. Hawthorne get to be friends?"

"Just happened," I shrug, sliding into the seat. "We're both friends with Katniss. I dunno." Darius raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything. It makes me mad that everyone's first thought is we're dating. Because we aren't. And never will. He himself said it was too unlikely.

"Sure, well I think he's getting ready to go." I glace up toward Gale who eyes me and Darius suspiciously but walks toward the door. As I push myself out of my seat, Darius grabs my hand and kisses it gently and says, "Until we meet again, Ms. Undersee." I yank it from his grasp and he winks at me. I roll my eyes but a smile plays at my lips.

Once outside, Gale adjusts the strap on the bag he's using to carry the alcohol. "You know Darius?"

I shrug, "Kind of. We've talked a few times."

"Yeah well," his face contorts into annoyance, "he flirts with everyone. So don't feel special."

I pause in the street and turn to him, crossing my arms and tighten my gaze. "Excuse me?"

"No," he stops, "wait I didn't mean it like that. I just meant,"

"Whatever," I say cutting him off and starting to walk again.

"Madge, I meant that just, I don't…" he sighs, "It's Darius! It's not you, I mean maybe he _was_ flirting with you." Under his breath he adds, "Pretty much everyone does." I act like I don't hear him but I drop my arms anyways. "Listen, I don't want to fight today. Okay? Can you at least agree to that?"

A smile tugs at my lips, "Okay."

"Thank you," he laughs.

* * *

><p>By the time we finally get to the place where the party is (which literally takes forever to get to considering it's on the outskirts of D12) it's already dusk and my feet are begging for a break. I wonder if Gale feels awkward arriving with me to his own party, but if he does then he doesn't show it.<p>

Everyone cheers upon spotting him, and although I know he doesn't like being the center of attention he's laughing a genuine laugh. I'm glad that he took the spotlight and not me, and how no one really gives a second glance that I'm here.

"Yes!" I hear Thom's voice over an echo of cheers. I see him elbowing himself through the horde attacking Gale and he pulls me off to the side where Bristel chugs from a flash. "Get you out of there," he laughs, throwing his arm over my shoulder.

I keep looking back toward Gale but he's seriously stuck in the middle of a mob and I can't make him out from the other tall, dark haired boys. Thom and Bristel take me over to the bonfire where a few other people sit. I recognize Mally who called me out on being a town person in the lunch room a few days ago, but today she says nothing and instead her eyes dart from me to the people I'm with. I wonder if she feels betrayed. Bristel hands the flask to Thom who takes a few swigs and hands it to me.

"Oh, I… not yet," I say quietly. Bristel smirks, but shrugs. "Maybe later?"

"All up to you," Bristel tells me. "Don't let this idiot convince you into drinking anything you don't want, alright?" I nod and she smiles, taking the flask from him.

I thought it'd be simple, sitting by the fire and letting the night drag on without taking a drink. However, if we're being honest, it wasn't. I was _curious_. My father had let me have a glass of wine once before but when I asked for a second he denied me the privilege. I wanted to know what it felt like to not care, to let your thoughts wander freely. So, the second time I'm offered the flask, I take it.

"Whoa," Thom snatches it from Bristel's hand as I reach for it. "Are you _serious_? For her first time?"

"I think she can handle it," she shrugs. "Just sip it," she tells me. Thom looks hesitant but hands it to me anyway. I take a sip, a sip so miniscule it would only be the equivalent of a raindrop, and yet it still stings. I thrust the flask away from me coughing and Bristel takes it with a smirk.

"You're awful," Thom mutters at her, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a different flask. "Try this one." I'm still choking but I need to drink something to make it stop, so I pop the lid off and take a big gulp. It's smooth and sweet and tingles, but doesn't sting.

"Hell, what _was_ that?" I ask, wiping my mouth.

"White liquor," Bristel tells me. "It's my favorite."

"Just stick with that," Thom says, pointing at the flask in my hand. "Good for beginners. Bristel calls it a girl drink."

"It is a girl drink," she retorts. "You can barely feel the burn!"

"That's the point," Thom mumbles. "This one takes half the time and doesn't kill you on the way down." As they continue their back and forth I take a few more gulps. It's sweet like strawberries and I wonder if it's supposed to taste like that or if I'm imagining it. After a few more sips it doesn't even tingle anymore, but I kind of wish it did because it was a reminder of what I was doing. "Slow down!" Thom laughs when he realizes I'm already halfway through.

"Why?" I giggle, and then I wonder why I'm giggling because no one said anything funny. Or at least I don't think so. He said it takes half the time… half the time to do what? "This stuff is really good do you have more?"

"Yeah," he says, patting his coat pocket. "But you don't get any."

"Thom! Pleeeease!"

"Yeah, Thom, pleeease," Bristel mimics my tone and then I'm laughing again and reaching for his pocket. "Slow down, Madge. You're not even finished that one!"

"Fine," I grin, accepting her challenge and chugging the rest of the flask. It sizzles down my throat and I hiccup, Bristel starting a slow clap. "Next, please."

"Here try the white liquor again," she says, handing it to me. "I guarantee it won't sting." Maybe without the sting I can figure out what it tastes like, so I agree, and I take a big swig. She's right, it doesn't sting! It just sizzles and I hiccup again. It tastes like water. "Well?" I just laugh in response, and then she's laughing too. Bristel takes the white liquor back from me and Thom hands me the strawberry sweet drink again. "I'm gonna go mingle," she tells us as I take another drink.

I don't understand why people think drinking is bad, it makes everything spinny. My heads really light and I just want to laugh at everything. Maybe if all the peacemakers and gamemakers and mean people got drunk all the time then everyone would be happy and no one would have to go into the Games. I think it's a plausible idea.

As I'm telling my theory to Thom he just laughs and says, "You're funny, you know that?"

"I know," I reply, pushing him gently. "Are you gonna kiss me now?"

He laughs again, "What'd you just say?"

"I dunno, when people drink they get all kissy and if you're gonna kiss me then just let me know so I can start planning my escape!"

"Hell, Madge, I'd never do anything to a drunk girl!" I wonder if he's drunk too, or if I'm actually drunk. I don't think I'm drunk. Am I drunk? "Especially you, Gale would murder me. Besides, I kinda like Bristel."

"BRISTEL?"

"Yes," he laughs, his eyes crinkling, "Bristel."

"BRISTEL!" I shout, "QUICK! COME HERE!"

"Madge!" He's bent over laughing and I try to stand, failing miserably. "Madge, sit down!" I finally make my way to a standing position and force my way onto my tiptoes, hopping up and down to look for her. "Shush, would you!" I'm too busy laughing to be quiet and he's laughing too and I'm still trying to figure out what's funny but then I realize I don't _care_ what's funny because honestly it doesn't matter. Just laughing and this never ending bubble of joy I'm floating on feels so great I don't care what's funny!

"Oh no," I say suddenly, my laughter coming to an abrupt halt. "I forgot his gift!"

"Who?"

"GALE! I FORGOT HIS GIFT!" I go to stand again and nearly fall into the fire, a kid I don't know catches me before I do so. "Thank you!" I say to him, hugging him tightly. "I almost died and you saved my life! I owe you _everything_."

"Right," the boy laughs, setting me up straight. He has a pretty smile. "Gale's looking for you."

"GALE!" I shout again, "Where is he? I forgot his present!" The boy smiles again but I'm in a hurry and shake his shoulders. "The birthday boy! Where is he!"

"Over there!" He points toward a cluster of people, laughing as he does so. "Go on, townie!" Thom stands up behind me and grabs my elbow, leading the way considering I can't necessarily walk straight. How come he can and I can't? One foot in front of the other, I still zigzag and it makes me giggle.

"Madge," Thom turns me and lifts my chin up. He's trying to be serious but he still wears a smile. I'm impatient and bouncing on my toes. "You need to calm down. And give me that," he reaches for my hand and snatches the flask back. "No more." I pout and pretend to cry and he laugh again, taking a big long swig so a little under half is left and gives it back. "That's all! Okay?" I nod and accept it back, taking a few sips trying to conserve it.

After a few minutes of searching we find Gale and I run to him, wrapping my arms around him. "Gale! I found you!" He accepts the hug with a laugh and looks toward Thom who shrugs innocently.

"Madge are you _drunk_?"

"No," I say quickly and pull away. "No I'm not, why?" Next to me I see Thom nodding enthusiastically and I push him. Gale snorts and grabs me again, pulling me into another hug. He's warm. "Gale I forgot to get you a present!"

"Doesn't matter," he mumbles, his voice is soft. "I'm just glad you came."

"Would you be mad if I was drunk?" I ask but he shakes his head. "Because I think I might be." Again he laughs and pulls away from me. "Are you?"

"Nah," and I know he isn't. "Maybe tipsy." Tipsy is a funny word so I laugh again, and then he's laughing too, and then so are a whole bunch of other people around me. "See, I knew you'd be giggly."

"It's not my fault everything's funny!" I laugh, and then he's leading me back to the fire. I remember he told me not to leave my spot if I want it back but people jump at the opportunity to give us a seat. He pulls me to sit next to him and wraps his arm around my waist. I lean into him and grab his arm. "How's your party going?"

"Perfect," he replies, his breath tickles my ear and I feel my heartbeat pick up.

"Good," I decide to say, and I'm almost certain I'm blushing. Liquid courage, I take another swig from my flash. Gale yanks it out of my hand and eyes it up.

"Who gave you this?"

"Thom,"

"Typical," he laughs. "Of course it had to be strawberry."

"I knew it was strawberry!" I giggle, "I knew it! I love strawberries they're so good." One of his hands goes to rest on mine and I notice it but don't quite want to say anything. It's warm and rough and my heart is beating a zillion miles an hour. "Gale,"

"Mmm?"

"Why'd you get mad that Darius was flirting with me? I didn't even know he was."

"You were flirting back!" he laughs resting his chin on my shoulder. "You really are such a flirt."

"I don't even know how to flirt!"I laugh, turning to face him. My nose bumps his and he leans back.

"You are right now," he tells me quietly. "Kind of."

"Am not, I don't know how!" He tips his head side to side as if he's studying me. "I could try if you want," I tease, and his eyebrows shoot up his forehead.

"This'll be interesting," he smirks. "Alright, go ahead. 'Try' to flirt." I think for a moment but then I lick my lips and brush a strand of hair behind my ear. I lean forward and touch his cheek gently, my fingertips caressing his skin lightly. Before I can even say something overly stupid to show that I cannot in fact, flirt, Gale swallows thickly. "Madge," his voice catches in his throat.

"Yes?"

He takes a deep breath and nudges my hand off his face. "Don't do that. That thing with your lips." Maybe I bit my lip without realizing it because I know just licking them isn't a flirty thing. Is it? I only did it so I could say something without them awkwardly sticking together.

"It wasn't that bad," I say, crossing my arms tightly and frowning.

"I _know_," he mutters. "That's why you can't do that."

I giggle again, "I didn't even do anything." To break that awkwardness that I feel is starting to spread between us I take another sip from my flask. "Let's take a walk," I say, standing up and grabbing his hand. He smiles and intertwines his fingers with mine and I lean onto his arm.

"You can't even walk straight," he snickers, but still, he walks. He leads me away from the fire and the people talking and his hand is warm and I don't question why he hasn't let go yet and I don't really care. I crane my neck up to look at the stars but my head is still dizzy and they don't quite come into view. Once or twice I trip and Gale tightens his hold on my hand, pulling me back up with a smile. "Hey Madge?"

"Hey Gale?"

"Don't close yourself off, okay?" I pause and turn to him, realizing that the only reason I wanted to drink was so I didn't have to think about things like this. So that I could just laugh and be stupid and make stupid decisions and not care about what was going on in reality.

After this night, however, this stupid night of laughing and teasing and… and holding hands, I don't want it to stop. I want to just laugh it off or tell him he's being stupid, but instead I say, "I won't."

"Promise?"

"Promise," I giggle, holding up my pinky. He twists his with mine and then drops the hand he was holding. The wind blows and makes me shiver and Gale reaches up, pushing a strand of hair out of my face and behind my ear.

His deep brown eyes meet mine and he smiles. I can't help but smile too. "What?" I laugh, pulling at my hair. Things are starting to simmer back to normal but I'm still a little too smiley.

"You're blushing," he replies, licking his lips. My eyes dart down to watch the action and then I feel my face flare up again. "Do I make you nervous?"

"No," I say quickly. He raises an eyebrow and I stubbornly cross my arms. "Okay maybe sometimes."

A laugh bubbles out of him and it's so genuine it makes me smile and blush again and I don't know if the alcohol is doing this to me or if I'm actually just amused by this. "You know," he mumbles, closing the space between us slowly. "I can't seem to get you off my mind." I look up at him and swallow, or well, try to swallow. "Why's that?"

"I-I don't know," I reply as he leans down, his forehead touching mine.

"Me neither," he says quietly. He brushes another strand of hair back and I find myself having difficulty to breathe. It's the alcohol. It has to be the alcohol. Gale does not get me nervous. Gale does not make it hard to focus. Gale does not do this to me. But every time I look back into his eyes my heart lurches into my stomach and I second guess this theory. It can't all be the alcohol. Every time I go to say something I realize I don't know what to say. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course," I nod against his forehead and he smiles again, causing me to as well. I've never had butterflies before. Is this what they feel like? "Was that the question?"

He laughs and shakes his head. "No, Madge, that wasn't the question."

"Well…" I trail off, my voice getting higher as it goes. I can't suppress my smile anymore and I don't really want to. He's so close. I can feel his breath and his body is warm.

He takes a deep breath and then asks, "Will you go on a date with me?"

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><p><em>AN: Like in the disclaimer I apologize if teen drinking upsets you, but it happens. And technically, according to the law I created in this chapter, it isn't illegal for 19+ to be drinking! Just Madge... but she wasn't pressured into it. It was her own decision and should be respected even if it isn't agreed with. _


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Merp.**

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><p><em>Will you go on a date with me?<em> The words echo in my head and I've never hear them before actually being asked to me and then I realize it's been a few minutes since I've reacted so I figure I should say something. "I-I've never, been… date on a… _what_?" It seems I've forgotten how to speak. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

He laughs and leans away from me, "Yes, Madge, a date." I open my mouth to say a few things, but then close it, and this process repeats multiple times before he says anything else. Why can't I speak? "It's not like I'm asking you to marry me," he smirks. "Just a date. To see what happens."

"You're just asking now because I'm drunk," I cross my arms and smile, and he mimics me down to the facial expression. "Aren't you?"

"No, I'm asking you now because I wouldn't have the courage to do it when I _wasn't_." I know he's not drunk he told me earlier. Just an excuse. Has to be. "You're not even drunk anymore," he chuckles. "You're completely in control of your actions."

"Can I… think… about it?"

"You wouldn't be Madge if you didn't," he laughs, but reaches for my hand again anyway. I accept it because I _know_ I want to whether I'll admit it or not. His fingers lace with mine and he smiles then presses his lips to my temple gently. My heart to drops into my stomach but I still can't stop smiling. This is _not_ the alcohol, it's just him. This all seems so easy for him.

Maybe it's the fact that boys don't treat me like this, or maybe it's the fact I've had a bad week and this is comforting. But I doubt both of those. I think back to when Prim asked if I liked Gale and I answered no as quickly as I could just because no was the right answer. But with him next to me it doesn't feel like the right answer because _this _feels like the right answer. So is it? Why does this feel so natural for him? Didn't he hate me only weeks ago?

As we make our way back to the fire, his hand still in mine, something seems off. People are shouting and some stand back, others walk toward an oncoming group. Gale tenses and glances down at me. "Stay with me," he says quietly, then pulls me off toward the two crowds. "Put your hood up." With my free hand I yank the black hood up over my blonde hair and Gale fixes it so you can't see any stray pieces. His hand never lets go of mine.

"What's going on?" I ask, but he just pulls me faster through the crowd. "Gale?"

"…wrong side of town! No one _asked_ you to show up." Thom's voice is prominent over the others. "Just get out of here!"

"Gale?" I repeat, gripping his hand tighter.

"…just wanted to have some fun, come on…"

"…heard a rumor some of our own were here, is all. Take back what's ours…" I know these voices and they make me sick. Nervously I glance around at some of the other people here. Some, also, have hoods drawn. It seems I'm not the only person from town here, even if I am the most well known. Blonde hair peaks through hoods and I recognize a few older faces I hadn't even bothered looking for earlier.

"Get out of here, Cassius," Bristel snaps and Gale thrusts me behind him, his hand finally slipping out of grasp. I'm at the front line now. I can hear everything. I can feel the tension that could so easily snap.

"I was given a task," he replies. "Sent to retrieve someone who's gone missing." I notice Thom glance at Gale then move to stand next to him, their shoulders touching and forming a sight barrier of me so they can't see me.

"This is ridiculous," Gale mutters. "If you're looking for Undersee then you're out of luck. She didn't want to hurt her precious daddy's feelings so she stayed home."

"How come she wasn't there when he got home then?" Landon's voice carries over the shoulders before me. "He contacted Cassius's father. Search party can't start until morning but we figured we'd get a head start."

"For the love of the Captiol, she's not here!" Thom says as he throws up his hands. "Now get before someone does something stupid." I hear the other people step forward and I reach up and grab Gale's back. I feel him tense and I bury my face into him.

"Sure she's not. Hey, Madge!" Cassius shouts and both parties go quiet. "Your father's looking for you! Worried sick, that one!" I wonder if my father really is worried, maybe he didn't even call the cops and this is all a set up. Surely he didn't get home until late, I could be asleep. I refuse to feel guilty. I refuse.

"Get out, Cassius," Gale growls, nudging me behind Thom with his elbow and taking a step forward. "I already said she isn't here."

"But I bet you wish she was, don't you?"

"No," he replies. "I don't. Her life is no concern of mine."

"You're a bad liar, Hawthorne. You know, Madge isn't quite your type." Gale remains quiet as Cassius continues, "She's too pretty for you, too clean…" Again, Gale says nothing. "More suited for someone like _me_," Cassius says and I nearly hurl all of the strawberry liquid up. Never, in a million years, would I even _consider_ him to be a viable option at a mate.

Thom shifts next to Gale and I think he puts a hand on his shoulder. "Look, he doesn't even have anything to say," Landon chuckles.

"Why should he?" Cassius shoots back. "Soon Madge'll be mine and he'll be sorry. Her long golden hair, and her bright blue eyes, and her luscious pink lips… don't even get me _started _on how feisty she is, needs a good guy like me to tame her…"

Gale lurches forward and Thom takes sidesteps to cover me, thrusting me towards Bristel who pulls me away instantly, my hood dropping back over my shoulders in the motion. Any lingering effects of the alcohol is gone, I'm instantly sober, instantly awake. I try to look over my shoulder but Thom has jumped in the way and all I can tell is that fists are flying. The echo of Gale's knuckles hitting Cassius's jaw echoes in my head and it doesn't even sicken me.

I feel more disgusted by Cassius' claim on me than anything else. He acts as if I'm property, as if he can just stick a flag on my head and call me his! Never! In the history of _forever_ would I consider him as a viable mate, let alone _boyfriend_! I don't care if he was the last person on this planet and I had to breed children with him to save mankind. I wouldn't do it.

"You okay?" Bristel asks, letting go of my arm by the fire. She asks once or twice before I hear her because I'm too busy trying to see the fight. I hear curse words and a few groans and yells but nothing of substance. The people not in the fight are trying to stop the fight but it doesn't seem to be working well.

"Fine," I reply. "Are _they_ okay?"

"Madge," Bristel forces me to sit. "Stay out of it. Cassius is always picking fights…" She continues talking to me about what an ass-hat he is and I just nod, trying my hardest to focus on the dimming flames in front of me and not glance over my shoulder. "Do you feel… do you feel violated?"

"Do I…?" I trail off wondering what she means. "No, no, not really."

"Not _really_? Cassius said some stuff,"

"I heard what he said," I say back, crossing my arms. "He's sick, but it's just words."

"Words he could take action against," she notes, crossing her arms just as stubbornly. "Just stay clear of him, okay?" I nod, and once again she goes off talking about what an ass-hat he is and I just continue to nod and act like I'm listening. I wonder if she feels violated for me. Should I feel violated? Maybe I should. The more I think about it the more I creeped out I get, it makes me shudder and causes Bristel to ask if I'm cold. Maybe I do feel violated.

After what feels like hours I hear a pounding of footsteps and glance back, a group of boys obviously not from the Seam making their escape. I stand to look for Gale and turn around, bumping into him.

"What's the rush?" he smirks, pushing me back down to the log. I go to make a witty comeback but my eyes are focused on the gash he has down his cheek. He notices me staring and hops over the log, plopping down next to me. "I'm fine," he mumbles, catching some blood in his palm at he rubs at it.

"What were you _thinking_?" I snap, grabbing his chin and yanking it toward me so I can get a better view of his cut. "Hell, that's deep…"

"I'll get Mrs. Everdeen to patch it up, I'll be fine Madge!" I notice Thom sitting next to Bristel and they whisper back and forth while looking at us, but say nothing. She giggles a few times but I'm not focused on them, I'm focused on Gale.

"You're an idiot, you shouldn't have jumped him!"

"Did you _hear_ what he said about you?" he growls back. "You honestly think I was going to just stand there and let him talk?" As he continues to rant I wipe some of his blood on my jacket sleeve. He freezes at my touch and watches me. "What're you doing?"

"Just hush," I mutter, then lean back towards Bristel. "Do you still have some white liquor?" Without pause, she tosses me the flask.

"No," Gale goes to stand but I yank him back down.

"If you can take a cut like that then you can take a tiny sting!" I pull the rest of my jacket off and instantly get goosebumps. Despite being by the fire there's still a breeze. I don't shiver, however, knowing if Gale notices he'd make me put the jacket back on and I kind of need the sleeve to wipe his cut. I should've worn long sleeves.

I take the flask of white liquor and pour a little onto the cuff of the jacket. Gale tenses and I dab at his cut. I know he's trying not to cringe but I don't say anything. Everyone knows white liquor is best for cuts, which makes me wonder why people drink it so much. Probably isn't very good for your insides. I don't question it, however, because it's at least cleaning it up a bit. As I get the rest of the blood off his face (he had another scratch by his ear), I notice that everyone around the fire has gone quiet. There are only a few people besides Gale, Bristel, Thom, and I, but they're not talking either. I look up and at them and conversation continues like it had before.

"Are you finished, doctor Undersee?" Gale says quietly with a hint of a smile, and I drop the jacket from his face and toss it at him. "Hey! Sorry, sorry!" his laugh makes me smile and I drop my gaze.

"You shouldn't have hit him," I mutter again, but it isn't as angry as the first time.

"Well I did and I don't regret it," he replies, reaching up to touch his cut which has stopped bleeding. I swat his hand away and he laughs. "Come on, I'll take you home."

I wave goodbye to Bristel and Thom, and a few other people I don't remember talking to, but they shout goodbye as well so I might as well act like I do. Gale and I walk in silence for the first few minutes, but I don't like it. I prefer how we were earlier, holding hands, sitting close, his breath tickling my skin and his eyes lost in mine… I decide to take a step closer to him. When he doesn't react I take another until our arms brush and he slows his pace, twirling his fingers with mine. Yes, I like this much better.

He laughs, "Madge, your hands are freezing!" I go to yank it from his as my cheeks tinge pink, but he grabs tighter, pulling me around to face him and grabbing the other one. "Are you cold?"

"No," I lie. I'm freezing and forgetting my jacket back at the fire isn't helping much.

"Bad liar," he smirks. As I go to retort he snaps his head and looks ahead of us. Gale holds his index finger up over his lips and grabs my shoulder, pulling me off to the side. Moments later I hear the many footsteps and hushed conversations of peacemakers. Gale once again pulls me, and before I know it I find myself in a small shed. He shuts the door quietly behind me and peers out the window. Their flashlights zoom in our direction and he ducks down, yanking me with him.

"What the…" he shushes me quickly, clamping his hand over my mouth. The peacekeeper footsteps are louder now so Gale turns to me.

"Cassius probably ratted us out," he mutters, removing his hand from my face. I scrunch my face to get feeling back in it. "Guess we're stuck here until they clear out." I scrunch my face again, but this time it's in confusion. Gale laughs and leans back against the door and I cross my arms waiting for an answer. "You mean to tell me you really don't know?"

"Obviously not,"

"It's a raid, Madge. To stop the party. Arrest the ones who are underage or work tomorrow. Send everyone home with a warning. Can take twenty minutes, can take a few hours. I can't believe you've never even heard of them."

"It isn't like I go to many parties," I reply, wondering if I would have been sent to the prisons. Maybe I could have been able to talk my way out of it considering I'm the mayor's daughter, but chances are I'd just be in even more trouble.

"Good thing we left when we did, you'd be screwed." Underage with a high blood alcohol level. That would've been great.

"What about Thom and Bristel?"

"They're fine," he dismisses the thought with his hand. "They probably already left anyway. They don't start at the mines until next week but they're already 19, so…" I nod as he trails off. The footsteps of the peacekeepers are quieter now but I can hear some shouting off in the distance. Gale rubs his forehead and sighs, dropping his gaze.

"Sorry your party ended like that," I mumble. He looks up from his hand and raises an eyebrow, a taunting smile spread across his face. "What?"

"I rather like how it's ending," he says. Then he tips his head back and forth as if he's weighing the pros and cons. "Yeah, it's going pretty well." My face flares up as I realize he's talking about right now and my stomach does that stupid jolty thing again. "You still cold?"

"No," I reply instantly, and he laughs.

"Come here, would you?" After considering the cons of this (there really aren't any) I scoot over next to him. His arm wraps around my waist and I lean my head on his side. He shifts so it's more comfortable for me and his body heat overtakes me instantly. Why are boys always so warm? Not that I'm complaining…

"You know, I never wished you happy birthday," I say, and he laughs and wraps his arm tighter. "So, happy birthday…"

"Mhm," I quite like this Gale. A lot. The Gale that is always chuckling at me because I'm so obviously clueless as to what I'm doing. The Gale that's warm and friendly and likes being around me. "I hate Cassius," he mutters. I want to consider the thought as random, but I know it isn't. He must have been thinking about the fight the entire time. "How are you not even angry?"

"I am angry," I say quietly. "Disgusted and angry and…" I sigh, "Violated. But that's Cassius and he's always been an ass-hat." I want him to laugh because I used the word Bristel did but he doesn't, so I figure he's really upset. "Stop thinking about it, would you?"

"Does he scare you?" Gale's voice is gentle, yet angry undertones echo through. I mean to say no, because I've never admitted it, but I shake my head yes before I even think about it. Cassius is taller than me, older than me, and a hell of a lot stronger than me. If he was to ever corner me I'd be defenseless, and Bristel was right. He could act on his words one day. "I hate him," he repeats. "I swear, if he ever does _anything_ to you…"

"Stop," I say, and a laugh bubbles out of me. "Gale, stop." I turn to him and my forehead hits his chin, and then he laughs too. I want to tell him to stop being so protective of me because it has literally come out of nowhere but I can't say it because I…like it. Our eyes lock for a few moments and I see him searching mine, studying them like he's going to learn something new about me if he does. The thought embarrasses me and I look down again. For crying out loud, Gale Hawthorne makes me nervous. Of all people. "Thank you," I say quietly. I look back up at him as he raises an eyebrow, he's been watching me the whole time and I swear if I don't stop blushing soon I'm going to just give myself up to the peacekeepers because this is mortifying.

"For?"

"Defending me… against Cassius, you know." I shift awkwardly. "No one really does things like that for me."

"I remember the first time Katniss and I brought you strawberries," he says suddenly, and I'm kind of confused. Usually one just says 'you're welcome' but that seems to not be the case. This time I turn to look at him and am relieved to see that he's not watching me anymore. "She told me that you always wanted some but I kept trying to talk her out of it because you were the mayor's daughter."

"What does this have to do with…"

But of course, he cuts me off. "I mean I'd heard about you but I never met you, so I didn't know what to expect. She told me a little about you, how you were quiet and didn't really talk to people, so I figured, hey what's the worst that can happen."

"Death," I mutter quickly, and he laughs.

"Yeah, I guess that could have happened. But I was 16 and didn't think much about death then. Seemed too unrealistic. Anyway, we brought you strawberries and I remember when you opened the door. Your eyes were really wide like you hadn't even expected us to show up after all and they filled with this, with this excitement, I don't know."

"Gale Hawthorne, did you have a _crush _on me?"

He chuckles, "Maybe. I mean for a few weeks I always wanted to go with Katniss just so I could see you but as I got older I realized how stupid the idea was. I mean you were the mayor's _daughter_ and I was just some stupid kid that brought you strawberries."

"I never thought of you as that," I say quietly. "You never talked to me. I thought you hated me."

"I tried to convince myself that I did," he admits. "I put all these stupid thoughts in my head that you were prissy and stuck-up and only cared about yourself but you _didn't_." I'm blushing again when he looks back to me and a smug smile slides onto his face. "So yes, I suppose had a crush on you." I bite my lip as he says it because; well I don't know why I do it. I'm nervous and excited and I don't know. "You're blushing," he says, and it reminds me of earlier in the night.

"I know," I admit, and then giggle. "I _know_," I repeat and take a deep breath and look back to him, forcing myself to hold his gaze. I guess that's why he's always trying to meet my gaze, huh? "So… so this entire situation… the Games and… and…"

"I'm indecisive about them," he tells me. "They took Katniss… but they," his voice drops. "They gave me you." After a slight pause he quickly adds, "Well I didn't mean it like, I didn't mean like you're… you're something to be… given? I just meant… all the time that we, I-I don't know… I never considered this and now you're here and it was just a stupid crush but now…"

His panic rambling sets the fireworks off in my stomach and I grab his neck, pulling him down instinctively. His words stop and his hand reaches up too, cupping my cheek. He sighs into the kiss and my stomach does summersaults and his lips are warm and soft and holy Captiol I'm kissing Gale and he's kissing me back. He's kissing me back!

"Wait," Gale pulls away, momentarily and I swear he's flushed too. "You're not drunk, right?"

"No," I shake my head quickly. "No, I… maybe I shouldn't have… you just… made me… sorry."

"Sorry?" He laughs, "For what? Haven't you been listening to me?" His grin is wide and my heart is hammering in my chest as he touches his forehead to mine. "Hell, Madge, I've wanted to do that since I was sixteen for crying out loud."

"H-how was it?" Damn my stupid nervous stutter!

He just shakes his head as his smile grows and says, "Much better than I expected it to be."

"G-good." His hand trails back to my cheek and I watch as his eyes divert to my lips. I don't mean to and it's bad timing on my part, but I lick them unconsciously and his eyes dart back up to mine.

"So about that date?" I'm instantly nodding and he's smiling again and this time he's the one that leans to kiss me and I don't even plan to stop him. Gale Hawthorne. Of all people. And I can't imagine anyone I'd rather it be.

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><p><em>AN: Well... hi. That was eventful, I'd... say... hm yeah. Well. Sorry about the delay! Had the thoughts in my head and it took awhile to transfer them to the screen. Your reviews make me happy, I love you all! This chapter makes me giddy, and if you don't like it well I LIKE IT and that is all that matters c: enjoy! Btw; this is the longest chapter so far! Do you prefer longer or shorter chapters? Lemme know! _


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Sometimes I wonder if everyone has the same favorite color, but we all view colors differently than they appear to it just seems like we have different favorite colors.**

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><p>How I manage to make it home without melting is beyond me. Gentle touches, ragged breath, sweet, sweet kisses, my entire body was on fire. I now understand why girls get so… girly. And annoying. But if I had anyone to talk to about this then trust me, I would. Maybe I'll visit my mom and spill my guts, but I'm not sure if she'd appreciate my adventure… then again, she did tell me to live my life. Oi, now I'm thinking of that stupid vial of blood filled with DNA that will determine my future. Damnit.<p>

No, no, my night was too perfect. I push the thoughts aside as I lay awake in my bed. Not only is my mind filled with the wonderful memory of last night, but it also contains a pounding headache. Once again, how I managed to get _upstairs_, and into my room completely unharmed is _once again_ beyond me. I was sure my dad would be up waiting for me to scold and punish me, but he wasn't. All lights were off, it was quiet. I wonder if he just stopped caring or never did in the first place.

When I get up the next day after a useless night of _trying _to sleep but not exactly getting any, he's down in the kitchen stirring tea. Now or never, I've got to face him, headache and all.

"Morning," he says as I slide into my seat at the table. "Sleep well?" Unable to tell if he's serious or not, I just nod. "Madge, I understand you're mad at me but at least use your voice."

"I slept fine," I lie, watching him carefully as he sets a teacup down in front of me. Not much of a breakfast but I doubt I'll be able to keep anything down anyway, my stomach's a little whack too. I suppose this would be the hangover. "Are you mad at me?"

"Disappointed," he shrugs, sitting down across from me. "Not quite sure where you learned an attitude, but at least you're formulating opinions." I sit back and think back to the last time I actually had a conversation with my father. Last I can recall is after Grash left with that stupid vial and I stormed off to my room. That was days ago.

"I'm sorry I've been out so often," I tell him, picking up my cup and taking a sip. I'm about to give a reason why, but I end up not doing so considering I'm not actually sorry. He shrugs again and too, sips his cup. I place mine back on the table and note that he's made my favorite kind. My stomach drops. Despite me having removed that stupid pink tape from my arm ages ago I feel its grip tighten around me. "Is there a reason you made chocolate mint tea?" Curse my shaking voice.

"I like how it tastes," he says. "And so do you." I nod and go to take another sip despite no longer being in the mood for it. At least it's helping the atrocious headache I have. "Doctor Grash has your results." I nod again as my throat constricts.

"You think I have it," I say quietly. "The… the disease. Don't you?" He groans and places his head in his hands, his elbows propping him up on the table. "Please be honest, Daddy." It was low to call him that, I only do so when I have to though.

"I can't be honest, Madge."

"Yes you can. What do _you_ think? No papers to look at, no one telling you right or wrong…"

"You know I don't want you to," he tells me, looking up. "But I just have that feeling. You've gone through a lot that your mother went through. The mood swings, doing simple things you know you shouldn't, the shutting yourself out, it all starts in the head…" he trails off and I nod. I can't have it. "You used to be so strong minded, and you still are, but it isn't the same. You hold your tongue more often than not." I don't want that stupid disease anymore than the next girl. I wonder if this is why he doesn't bring up last night, but then again maybe I was right back at the party. Maybe Cassius just made the whole stupid thing up. I don't want to say anything, but then again it could be one of those stupid trust things that he's waiting for _me_ to say something.

"I went to a party last night," I say quickly, dropping my gaze to the cup. He doesn't react, instead takes another sip. Moments after I say it I curse myself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "I… I should have told you."

"Yes, you should've." My gaze stays down on the stupid cup in front of me but I can feel his eyes carving holes through me. "But I'm not mad."

I lift my eyes and meet his. "You're not?"

"The first night you ran off I was mad. I was terrified, actually. I thought you… I don't know. I thought up all of these bad scenarios where the peacekeepers knocked on the door saying they found your body and…"

"Daddy," I say cutting him off. "I'd never do anything like that."

"I know, I know. I was just so upset that you were upset," he frowns and places his cup down, empty. "I was just furious that you'd run off without saying anything. That you'd jump the fence and not come back or…"

"Dad," I say again, but he continues.

"I know you were with that Hawthorne boy that night, which again was why I was so distasteful toward him the other day." I don't know what to say, so I sit speechless. My father doesn't apologize, my father doesn't regret. My father is a liar and cruel and a secret keeper, he's not allowed to act differently, like he is now. "I just don't want to lose you, Madge." Instead of saying anything I just nod. I'm always nodding these days; I wish I could find my stupid voice. "It upsets me how you can't talk to me anymore."

"I just wish you had told me about mom," I say honestly. "I understand she didn't want you to tell me but I had a right to know, especially if I end up having it."

"I know."

There's a lag in the conversation and neither of us can meet each other's eyes. He feels guilty for lying and I feel guilty for running out. "Did you know I went to the party? Before I told you?"

"Oh, of course. I'm the mayor, honey." To that, I smile, and so does he. "Whether or not you told me, I didn't mind. Well, more like your mother has told me not to mind. When she was awake I told her how you went out and she lit up like a star and started rambling about adventuring and silly things." I smile again and fold my hands in my lap. "Did you have fun?"

I nod, "Yes, it was a lot different than when we have 'parties' here."

He chuckles, "I guess it would be, yeah. Was it with the…"

"Hawthorne boy," I smirk. Just saying his name gives me butterflies. I wonder how he's feeling right about now. "He's nice, daddy. Just because he's from the Seam…"

He asks, "He's the one that brought strawberries with Katniss, right?" and I nod. "You know I trust you, Madge. Just be safe, okay?" I smile and nod again, because truth is, I feel safest with him around.

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><p>Two victors? When did <em>this <em>happen? And why didn't I know? I really need to start paying attention to the Games, I feel guilty that I haven't been. I think about how Peeta's lying half dead by the river and how Katniss is going to have to go looking for him. This lessens her chances, but at the same time… two victors! They could both come home! I _know _if Katniss comes home then she'll do it with Peeta. I know it! Their chances are better than ever now.

Despite the fact that Peeta is near death, of course.

I can't help but think about Gale again and wonder how he's taking this. Maybe he's angry, or excited, or anything, really. I couldn't guess to save my life. I think back to that night when I found out my mom was sick and how he confessed he loves Katniss. My stomach clenches but I know that I can't compete with her. They're best friends, he's always loved her. I know my brain is hoping it's in a sisterly way but I doubt that's how it is. If she hadn't had to go to the Games there's no doubt in my mind that they'd end up together.

Prim did, however, tell me that Katniss didn't even want to get married. That she didn't want to date or have a boyfriend. As I watch the Games and Katniss finds Peeta on the side of the river I wonder how this will play a part in everything. Peeta and Katniss _are_ the star-crossed lovers, and they're doing pretty damn good in the Games. If they both come home, what will happen? I press my eyes in with my palms and tell myself I shouldn't be thinking about things like this.

Whatever happens, happens.

This applies to the Games and with Gale and the stupid disease I may or may not have. As Katniss starts trying to move Peeta to a safer area after getting all the pus out of his legs (which was disgusting, might I add), a knock at the door pulls me to reality again. Not that this show isn't reality, but it isn't the reality I want to be focused on.

I push myself off the couch and yank the door open. "Hi," I say quickly, already feeling a blush rise to my cheeks. I honestly wasn't expecting to see Gale today. He smirks and I swear that stupid smirk is going to be the death of me.

"Are you ready?"

"For… for what?" No. No, Gale will not make me nervous. I refuse to give him this power. I stand taller and cross my arms, forcing the pink from my cheeks.

"I do believe you agreed to a date with me." Oh, well, yeah. I did, didn't I. But then again, this date was just to see what happens. Does that change after last night? Just the thought of his lips on mine makes my heart explode all over again. "So let's go."

"Right now?" For some reason I thought it would be a Friday night or something. Not the middle of the afternoon on the Saturday after he asked. I should probably ask someone about boys considering I seem to know nothing.

"Well I'm here, aren't I?" I glance over my shoulder up the staircase and am relieved to find my father's office door shut. I shrug and hold up a finger indicating I'll be right back, and running to the TV. It's no longer showing Katniss and Peeta, but instead the other Tribute pair from D2. Their chances are just as good, and they're both in tiptop shape. With a groan I click it off and slide into a pair of shoes, grabbing a jacket off the coat rack.

As Gale and I start walking to the place he's deemed date appropriate I wonder again how he felt about last night. Is it true that he's had a crush on me since he was sixteen? I kind of doubt it, but then again he's great at masking emotion. I wonder if he'd hold my hand in broad daylight like this, and I'm tempted to try it. But I don't, because I don't think he would.

"So where are we going?" He doesn't answer me, just shrugs, which makes me a little angry. "Alright, well. Did you hear the new rule of the Games?"

"Yeah," he answers, using his voice, which makes my irritation drop a little. I think my nerves are just getting the best of me. I want to ask how he feels about it but then again Gale only shows real emotion when he's drinking, I've decided. Besides, now isn't the time, I'm on a date. I'm on a _date_!

"So…. Where are we going?" I repeat, and he chuckles.

"Madge, stop being nosy." I scrunch my nose at him and his hand travels to mine. Instead of grabbing it he teases it with his fingertips and I cross my arms before I outwardly sigh or something stupid. He chuckles again and I grin. Maybe I do need a surprise. Need to stop being in control of everything.

As we reach the meadow and the gate my stomach sinks. "The gate," I say slowly. He nods as we get closer and hikes it up for me.

"Ladies first,"

"Gale, I…"

"Madge…" he drags out the "ahh" sound and I sigh, forcing myself under the fence. A victory smile spreads across his face. I hold the fence up for him as he climbs under, and then we run up the hill together, pausing past the edge of the trees. Once at the top I grab his arm out of paranoia and peer back to the fence, the view now skewered by trees and bushes. "Not much of a date," he tells me, "but I'm on a budget."

I laugh and drop his arm, "It's okay. The woods just make me nervous." Away from the prying eyes, he finally grabs my hand and links it with his. "But at the same time, I feel so free…." I sigh and look up at the sky, blue and filled with puffy white clouds. "I can't decide which I like better."

He pulls me toward the stream where I found him that one day and I eagerly follow. The wind whipping through my hair makes me forget everything, and I couldn't be happier. Yes, I like this better. I don't care how risky it is to get here, the woods are beautiful. I can see why he likes it here so much. Birds chirp in trees as the water gurgles next to us. I want to spend the rest of my life in this patch of grass where the sun dances among us and the breeze tickles my skin. Compare this to the constant smog of coal mines and whispers of gossiping moms that have nothing better to do. I prefer the first.

"So," he says, pulling me to sit at the edge of the stream. "Regret anything from last night?"

"Mmm… no," I say. "Do you?"

He smiles, "No."

"Nothing?" I press. He could regret the fight with Cassius, or the kissing, or the admitting of that stupid long term crush that makes me wonder if I had one too without noticing it.

But he says, "Nothing." His sureness of this eliminates all the anger and irritation I had earlier that came with the nerves. Now it's just the nerves. "So, as you can see, we're in the woods."

I snort, "Yes, it would appear so. Any particular reason?"

"Madge, have you ever climbed a tree?"

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><p><em>AN: Kind of a filler chapter. They can't all be stars! Especially after the last one, I'd say. Just a forewarning, Gale's going to be the one jumpy about his feelings. Because he's Gale. Obviously. Not anytime soon, though. Just a forewarning. Enjoy! Also, to make Madge staying alive (yet trying to be as close to the book as possible) I'll be editing Mockingjay a bit... hope that doesn't upset you!_


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: The world is a scary place! Just because you do everything right doesn't mean other people will. They don't always stop at stop signs! Drive safely, guys!**

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><p>"Gale Hawthorne, this is ridiculous!" I've got my foot in his hand as he hikes me up to the first sturdy branch. "You're gonna come up too, right?" It's a sturdy enough tree, he should be able to climb without the branches breaking. I remember back to when the careers tried climbing the tree to get to Katniss but the branches broke.<p>

"Yes, Madge," he sounds a little annoyed. "I'm going up right after you do." I'm clinging to the branch as he slowly raises my foot higher. "Just pull yourself up to the next branch." Not wanting to make him mad I do so, slowly of course, but I still do it. I'm clinging with all my might and finally lift myself up.

"Like this?"

"Yeah, now go to the next one." I feel so unsafe it isn't funny, but I think Gale sees the terror on my face as humorous because I watch him turn away and hear a quick laugh before he turns back. Wanting to prove that I'm brave I lift myself up to the next one, and the next one. I never knew I was afraid of heights until this moment when I look down and the world shrinks beneath me.

"Hell," I mutter as Gale starts to climb. "You do this a lot?"

"Yep," he grunts, pulling himself up in one swift motion. "Go up a few more."

"A few more?" I look down and back up.

"Yes, Madge." Oh yes, he's very irritated. He thinks I'm scared. And I am, but I can't let _him_ know that. So I pull myself up another branch. And another. And another. I don't stop until I can feel the tree leaning in the breeze. When I stop I look down, Gale's plenty below me. "How's the view?" he calls, a smile spread across his face.

"Terrifying," I reply.

"No," he laughs, "not down! Out!"

"Out?" I ask more to myself, and raise my gaze up and across the valley before me, the tiny district I call home returning to me. I scrunch my nose, it isn't that spectacular. In fact, it makes me hate the district even more, and the Capitol that confines us there. You can see the split of wealthy vs. poor, the bigger houses shrinking until they're only shacks barely holding up. My house stands out and makes me groan on the inside.

"Wrong way," he says after yanking himself up a few more branches. Now he's just below me. "That way," he points the opposite direction. "Sheesh, Madge." With a smile and shaky hands (I've decided I'm terrified of heights) I switch directions, clinging to the tree the entire time.

Before I can contain it, a gasp escapes my lips. Oh yes, this view is much, much better. "It doesn't even look real," I whisper, but I know he hears me because he lifts himself up to my branch. I feel the tree sway a little and go to grab the trunk but Gale's in my way so I end up grabbing his arm.

The river curves in and out of the valley, flowers spring up in random patches among it. Off in the distance is a larger lake where I can see a deer drinking from it. The multicolored leaves dance among the sky and sit upon the ground. Butterflies chase after each other in the open field out of the corner of my eye.

"Not much, but…"

"Not _much_?" I cut him off, elbowing him in the ribs. He flinches but still smiles. "It's… it's…!" It's making me speechless is what it is. "Breathtaking," I finally finish. "Yes, that's the word." I turn to look at him and he has a twinkle in his eye as he gazes across the beauty in front of us.

Instead of talking we just listen for a few moments. We listen to the rumbles of the stream and the whoosh of the wind and the signing of the birds and the crinkling of leaves and the patter of butterfly wings. I listen to his steady breath and my heart pounding in my ears. The more I watch and the more I listen the more in love I fall with this place. It's endless; it goes off in all directions and is _perfect_. It's peaceful and serene and perfect is honestly the only word that can describe it. Untainted by the Capitol, by the coal.

"I could spend all day up here," he tells me. "Just thinking."

"What're you thinking about right now?"

After a pause he says, "I'm not really sure. Where this is going, honestly."

"This as in, _this_?" I gesture to his hand that's linked with mine. He furrows his brows and sighs. "You said you didn't regret anything from last night," I mumble, loosening my grip and sliding it back to the branch so I can study myself tighter.

"I don't," he says quickly. "But I start in the mines on Monday. I don't know what that means."

"It's just a date," I laugh lightly. "You said so yourself. Just to see what happens." My nails dig into the bark because he totally regrets last night. I know it.

"I don't want to rush things," he finally says. "Last night was rushed and sloppy. Not that I didn't enjoy it, because I did… but what are we doing?"

"We're sitting in a tree," I mutter.

He laughs, "You know what I mean." I sigh, because I do know what he means. With him in the mines he won't be in school and will have to work every day but Sunday from 6 to 6. He'd probably be tired after work and not really want to do anything, either. "I don't think a relationship is… plausible? Not right now… besides with the Games and…"

"I get it," I say, but I don't really get it. All I can think about is how gentle he was and how warm his lips were and how his callused hand feels in mine. "Alright, no I don't. Then why am I here? I just don't get it. I don't want to go back to before."

His ears tinge pink, "Me neither."

"Then…" I'm just confused. I know he won't say what's really on his mind because I've already told you that Gale doesn't reveal true feelings unless he's drunk. Which sucks. Because I'm really, really, really confused. Are all boys like this?

I wonder if this has to do with me being from town. Or him from the Seam. What does it matter, really? But he wouldn't tell me if that was what it was. So then the thought of Katniss comes back into my mind. Maybe he knows that she's coming back and despite the whole star-crossed lovers appeal he's not giving up. So I'm just Plan B. But, right now, that doesn't bother me much. I mean it might start to, but not right now.

"Can we date without dating?" he says, and I know he's nervous about it. "Because I want us to be… but I can't…"

"Date without dating?"

"Yeah," he says, leaning closer to me. His mouth stops by my ear. "Like moments like this, and the kissing, and us being alone…" But I wouldn't be his girlfriend. And he wouldn't be my boyfriend. So we're not an item. But I'd still get the kissing, and the breath that tickles my skin, and alone time with him. His hand travels around my waist and I look over to meet his eyes. He looks hopeful, but nervous. And now I've changed my mind and decided that Gale is always showing emotion, only you can't tell unless you meet his gaze.

"So I can still kiss you," I say gently, "and hold your hand, and stupid things like that, just not around other people?"

"It sounds awful when you say it like that," he mutters, leaning away.

"No! I mean, no, I think that's good! I wasn't trying to make it sound awful!" He laughs and leans against the trunk of the tree. "Besides, I doubt my dad would appreciate us very much. I doubt anyone in town would, actually." The more I think about it the more it makes sense, honestly. Sure, no one wants to be there but not, but maybe it's easiest.

I look back across the dipping hills and twirling rivers below us and inch closer to him. I don't want to seem needy because I don't think I am, but I _need_ to be closer, for multiple reasons. Of course there's the whole first-boyfriend-but-not-really-together thing, but there's also the fact that every time I look down my heart sinks and I fear the tree will break.

"Still scared of heights?" his voice is soft again and this is the Gale I like. This is the Gale I'm willing to not-date date because he makes my insides melt. I nod and he chuckles before pulling me closer. "I wanna know more about you," he says. "What else are you scared of?"

"Dying," I say quickly, only because I'm nervous. But it's true, I'm terrified to die. "I'm scared that one day I'll be gone and no one will remember me and my entire existence will be wasted." After he doesn't say anything I ask, "What about you?" I want to say besides the Capitol because I already know he's scared of that, but I don't because I think it's implied.

"Fire," he says. "Drowning. Getting caught hunting. Getting whipped. Getting executed in front of the entire town."

"Stop," I grab his hand, cutting him off. "It's not gonna happen." I wonder if we're playing that question game again, so I wait.

"When's your birthday?"

"In January," I reply. "January 16th."

"I'll have to remember that," he laughs. "Maybe bring some strawberry spirits."

I laugh too because those were so good I can't even begin to explain. Just delicious in every sip. "So about this crush you had on me," I start.

"Oh hell,"

"What did you like about me?" I giggle and watch as he licks his lips. He makes this pained face that I know is sarcastic, and I lift my hand only momentarily to hit him. "Gale!"

Again, he laughs, and I find myself liking this not-dating-but-dating arrangement even more. I'm not being held down, I'm free. Like in the woods, I'm free. Gale is my woods while still in the district. "I don't know, Madge! I just… blondes. I like blondes. So that was first, I guess."

"Always appearances,"

"Well they're the true first impression," he tells me. "Everyone says not to judge people before you know them, but everyone does it. Based on appearances." He's right, you know. Whether you mean to do it or not, you judge whoever you see. You decide if you find them attractive or plausible to date or friends material. Sure you can change that first impression as time goes by and you get to know the person, but there's always that first impression that would need changed.

"Well besides my stupid hair," I fuss.

"Piano," he mumbles so quietly I almost don't hear him. "I told you how sometimes I sit outside and just listen to you play, remember?" I nod, and his ears go pink again. "Okay, well, I've done that for awhile. It's embarrassing…" he trails off, but I can't stop blushing. I know I'm a good pianist, which might sound cocky, but it's true. I'm damn good. But I'm never really _told_ I'm good, or that people like to listen. I just assume it.

"That's not embarrassing," I say. "It's really… sweet."

"Yeah, well," I can tell he's uncomfortable talking about it, so I don't press any further. "That was all first impression,"

"Second impression?"

"Second impression being when you showed up in the woods looking for me. My first thought was that I was getting arrested," he admits. "Not sure why the mayor's daughter would be doing it, but hey. Then I saw your foot stuck in that trap and I thought it was hilarious and that you were just wandering or something stupid."

"Prim sent me!"

"I _know _Prim sent you," he snickers. "You _told _me. A million times. Heaven forbid you be in the woods without a purpose…"

"Oh shut up!"

Again he snickers, "But you were so determined," he continues. "A lot like me. It made things real." I wonder what things he's referring to, but I'm pretty sure it's his crush or his feelings or something like that. "Things just went from there. I was drawn to you, couldn't take my eyes off you or stop thinking about you. It was stupid; everything I wanted was stupid, until it wasn't anymore."

My stomach is doing that swirly jolty thing again and it makes me feel like I'm going to fall off the tree only I also feel like I'm floating so I'm not sure if I'm meant to hold onto the tree or let go of it. "For someone who never spoke much to me, you sure have a lot to say."

He laughs, "I usually don't do this. I'm gonna sound like you, but it's so much easier to just not say things."

"Well feel free to continue," I giggle.

And amazingly, he does. "When you had that pink tape on your arm I knew something was wrong," he tells me. "And I wanted to ask but I knew I shouldn't because you'd tell me if you wanted me to know. But you never said anything and I just got really nervous." His mention of this makes me stomach jolt but not in the swirly happy way like it has been.

"Right, well."

I guess he doesn't get that I don't want to talk about it because he keeps going. "Then you said they were testing you and I panicked and I just…"

"Gale," I cut him off. "Can we not talk about it?"

After a long pause he asks, "Did you get your results?" I don't answer, instead I fiddle with the hem of my shirt. "Madge, don't do that."

"Kind of," I say gently.

"That's not… that's not an answer." After another pause of him just watching me play with my hem he says, "You're making me nervous, Madge."

"I," I groan, "They're not back yet, but he has them."

"That's good,"

"But they're not negative," I say quickly. "I mean they could be but… I don't know."

Once again, the quiet engulfs us. It seems not even the wind will blow or the birds will chirp or the stream with gurgle. It's just quiet. "What does that mean?" he finally asks.

"I don't know. Doctor's going to come over and tell us. Why he couldn't just tell my dad over the damn phone is beyond me." To that he at least gives me a smile.

"You'll tell me, won't you? When you get your results?"

I tell him, "Yes." But I don't mean it. I won't tell him unless I'm told I don't have it. "Of course." He smiles and presses a kiss to temple. I turn to him and smile too, although I feel it's faked. Because I lied, because I won't tell him my results. As I meet his eyes he leans in to kiss me and I panic. I can't kiss him after I just lied to him for crying out loud!

So I do the only thing I can think of, I push myself off the branch and land on the one below it. He leans back in shock and I grip the branch as tight as I can, feeling it sway under my plummet. He laughs, "What're you doing?"

"If you want to kiss me then come and get me," I say quickly with a shaking voice, jumping to another branch across from the one I'm on. I hear a quick laugh bubble out of him, then feel the branch I just felt to shake as he lurches to it. "Bet you can't catch me," I call.

"I'll take that bet," he calls back. "What do I win?"

"I already told you," I laugh, dropping down to another branch. "I give you a kiss."

"And if I lose?" The branch behind me shakes.

After a moment of thinking and forcing myself up a branch instead of down another I say, "You give _me_ a kiss." Oh, who cares? If I'm being honest yes, I feel guilty, but yes I want to kiss him. Very much.

He reaches for my ankle but misses, catching himself on the trunk. "Fair enough." Without thinking I jump on the branch, grabbing the one above me with my fingertips and walking up the trunk quickly. "You're a tree climbing natural!" he laughs.

"Just trying not to look down," I admit after realizing I've raised myself up off the ground more. He stops on the branch below me.

He smirks, "I'll just wait here, then."

I lower myself to sit, "Yeah, me too." His eyes light up in amusement and I know what he's thinking. _Infuriating_. I decide to make my way over to the other side of the tree to catch that view one more time. It doesn't feel like we've been out here that long but you can tell the sun it going down already. I decide to cast a glance down and instantly regret it, my hands going sweaty as I cling to the trunk of the tree. I've got to be at least 40 feet up.

Suddenly filled with nerves I slide slowly to the branch below me. Remembering Gale's on the other side of the tree I drop to the one underneath that one, but a little too fast. My foot slips off to the side and I manage to grab the branch jutting from the side. Now I'm hanging. I'm hanging from the tree. My hands are holding me to the tree. My sweaty nervous hands. Are holding me to the tree. At least 30 feet off the ground. With a whole bunch of other branches in the way.

"Madge?" Gale makes his way over to where I am, my feet dangling in the air and my hands not wanting to hold on. I'm not scared. I'm not scared. I look down. I'm terrified. I can't breathe. I can't say anything. I can't talk. I can't swallow. I'm not strong enough to pull myself up so I'm not even going to try. The only thing I manage to do is make this pathetic little _I'm-going-to-die_ noise and Gale drops to the branch below the one I'm hanging from. The gap from this branch to the one he's on is a good seven feet. I could easily drop to it if I could see where I was dropping but I can't open my eyes. I can't open my eyes.

"Madge," Gale says calmly. "I'm right below you. You can let go." I must be shaking my head no because I feel him tap the bottom of my shoe. "Yes, you can let go. I'm right here. Don't you trust me?" With that I close my eyes and take a deep breath, letting my fingers slip off the branch. Gale has made himself sturdy against the trunk of the tree, and pulls me so I land with both feet on the branch.

"I hate trees," I mutter as he pulls me into his arms, wrapping them tightly. "And this doesn't count as you winning." He laughs and I take a deep breath, noticing how shaky I am. "Can we get down now?"

* * *

><p>After we're both safely on the ground I instantly lower myself to a sitting position. I don't think I could be a bird. Or in a hovercraft. Or in a tree, ever again.<p>

"I love the ground," I say. "Grass and flowers and dirt…"

Gale laughs, "You're acting like you were going to die."

"I was!"

He sits next to me and lounges back on his arms. "It appears you doubt my ability to save you." If the word infuriating describes me, then it most definitely describes him. I roll my eyes and he snickers, leaning forward. "Makes for a good story, doesn't it?"

"Your logic isn't logical!" Still leaning forward he pulls my chin toward him, and lightly pressing his lips against mine. I sigh as he cups my cheek, his breath mingling with mine. I push his shoulder away so the kiss breaks. "I said you didn't win."

"I know, that's why _I _kissed _you_," he smirks, leaning in for another. He only leans half the way and I know he wants me to close the space between us, so I do. Lurching forward and running my hand through his hair, pulling him closer. I need him closer. He smiles into the kiss and wraps his arm around my waist. Slowly he pulls away and starts pressing kisses down my jaw and neck.

"Gale," I've lost the ability to breathe.

"Hm?" He stops and looks up at me.

A blush spreads across my face, "N-nothing." With a grin he presses another kiss to my lips. And another. And another. So many kisses I don't realize I've crawled into his lap and wrapped my legs around him. Am I that good of a kisser? I mean I've never kissed anyone before, but he sure has. He's a good kisser. He's a really good kisser.

I don't know how long we stay tangled in each other before Gale pulls away, licking his lips. "We should stop," he says gently. "It _is_ only our first date…"

"Who say's you'll get a second," I tease before kissing him again.

He grins into the kiss then says, "I like to stay optimistic." Then, after what feels like years, he gently nudges me off him. "I should probably get you home." Suddenly my eyes widen, my dad never said when Grash would be over. I hop to my toes and grab his wrist.

"Come on! I've gotta get home!" With a laugh he follows after me.

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><p>My cheeks are still pink by the time I get home and my lips are probably still swollen. I know for a fact my heart hasn't stopped racing. But Grash is there, and so is my dad, and they're in the living room waiting for me.<p>

"Hi," I say, kicking off my shoes and running over. "I'm _so_ sorry, I didn't know if you were coming today or tomorrow or…"

"It's no matter," the doctor replies, his hands folded neatly in his lap. My father lounges on the chair and has zoned out, his gaze kept on the floor. "Really, none at all dear." I walk over slowly now and take a seat on the sofa.

"Is… do you have my results?" Grash nods, and my father remains staring at the floor and I'm 100% sure that he knows. His reaction isn't the one I want. I'm suddenly very aware of my actions. My day spent with Gale feels like ages ago and I'd give anything to go back. I swallow slowly, "Well?"

He sighs, "I don't know how to tell you this."

"Please, just say it," I beg. "Please."

"Alright," Grash readjusts his hands in his lap. This is it. This is the moment that decides my fate. This can be worse than the Reaping. This can be worse than the Games. This can be worse than the Capitol. But will it be? Only seconds have passed but it feels like hours. The tension can be cut with a knife. I could hear a pin drop if one were to do so. He takes a deep breath. "Your results were inconclusive."

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><p><em>AN: Once again I reiterate the fact that you should stay safe while driving! Although it has nothing to do with this chapter it's a very important life lesson. Anyway, not sure when the next chapter will get to you. By the end of the week, for sure. I know what I wanna do with it, however, which is good! I honestly like sensitive Gale... oops? It's majorly out of character but I don't care because it's so sweet, deep sigh. _


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Bloop.**

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><p>I used to have these dreams when I was little. Dreams where I'd be fully awake, but still dreaming. I could make anything I wanted to happen, happen. If I wanted to fly, I could fly. If I wanted to swim, I could swim. Whoever I wanted to be there was there. Whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I'd spend forever in these dreams.<p>

I'd often dream up my sister. The sister I lost when I was born. The twin sister who would have shared a life with me, who would have never left my side. In my dreams she would follow me everywhere. We'd go on walks and be princesses and skip through fields of dandelions. I consider these dreams one of the best things in my childhood.

Once I woke up early from the dream. Something bad happened where I couldn't control it, and I woke up. I woke up frozen, paralyzed. I couldn't move. I could breathe, I could see, but my limbs wouldn't function. I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't call for help, I just laid in bed. I stopped lucid dreaming after that.

That's how I feel now. Frozen, numb, paralyzed, like I was having a dream and was woken up too early.

Maybe I've gone into shock, but Grash doesn't seem to notice. Neither does my father. I don't react when another needle is injected into my arm to get a larger blood sample. I don't care that the tape is bright purple this time. I don't say goodbye when Grash escorts himself out of the house. I don't say goodnight when my father goes up to bed.

I sit. I sit frozen. I sit numb. I sit paralyzed on the couch. Inconclusive? That's almost worse than the results testing positive for the disease. The endless waiting. The abyss that is swallowing me. I have to know. I _have_ to know. If I don't know, then who am I? What happens when I find out? _Then_ who am I? Who am I at all?

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><p>I don't know how but I wake up in my room. The sun hasn't risen yet but it's teasing the horizon. I lay in bed and wonder who I am. Why can't I figure out who I am? I'm Madge Undersee. But who else? I'm a pianist. Is that all I have to my name? I like chocolate mint tea. I fall asleep to an empty bed and wake up lonely. I like the colors of the sunset more than the sunrise. I'm so in like with Gale Hawthorne its crazy. I've always wanted a pet cat. I think makeup looks tacky. I wish I had a teddy bear.<p>

I'm Madge Undersee. But who am I?

It's Sunday morning and I can't think of a thing to do. I'm lying in bed staring at the ceiling wondering if I should get up; if I can get up. I roll to the side just to make sure I'm awake, and I can, nearly falling out of bed. With a huff I push myself up. The clock on my wall is between five and six AM. I stumble to the mirror and look at myself.

Disastrous blonde hair. Smoky blue eyes. Ghostly pale skin. Dark sunken bags. Sick. I'm sick. I know it. Not caring about the time or if my father's awake or my mother's asleep, I force myself down the stairs. The piano sits waiting for me, clean and pristine. I don't need sheet music to play. I just play. And I play until the sun comes up. And I play until my dad comes downstairs. He doesn't say good morning, he must know it isn't one. And I play when he leaves for work after kissing my forehead. And I play until my fingers go numb.

My father left a pot of tea on the kettle and it's surprisingly still warm. Chocolate mint. He really does love me, that man. I sit stirring the cup in my hand with my pinky for awhile, not really wanting to drink it. Why is inconclusive worse than a positive? It just is. Because it could still fall either way. And I'm still on my toes, still constantly thinking about it. If I was just given a damn answer then I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. I just want to stop worrying.

Sitting on the chair by the side of my mother's bed I notice a lot of things about her. When she's asleep she looks peaceful. There isn't a sharp pain in her eyes, there isn't worry creased between her eyebrows. Her breath is steady and soft. She looks ten years younger.

She stirs in her sleep and her eyes open and pinpoint me immediately. She doesn't look shocked, she only smiles softly. She watches me for a few moments like I watched her, and then finally adjusts herself to a better angle.

"I knew you'd be in to talk to me one of these days," she says gently. I wonder if she's in pain. "How're you, darling?"

"They were inconclusive," I tell her. "My results."

She frowns, "Mine were too." I nod. So mine will end up positive. Like hers. "That doesn't mean much, dear."

"Hell it doesn't," I mutter. She smiles gently but I pretend not to notice it.

"Besides that, how've you been? I told you to not worry about the disease. I heard you went to a party, yes?" She turns on her side and flinches in agony, but only lets it show for a moment. I nod. "With a boy?" I feel my cheeks flare up and I nod again. "Are you perhaps, seeing this boy?"

"I…" I don't know how to answer that. "Kind of…"

Her smile widens, "Oh, good. Good."

"Don't tell Dad!" I say quickly, and again her smile grows. "I mean, he wouldn't exactly be… happy. I don't think. Come on, Mom."

"My lips are sealed," she tells me, sliding her fingers over her mouth in a zipping fashion. "Tell me about him?"

I bite my lip and drop my gaze. I'm most definitely grinning. "He… he's tall. A lot taller than me. And he's kind of rude and short tempered." She chuckles. "You can tell when he's annoyed, and a lot of the time he just shuts his thoughts out and has this look like a scowl."

"He sounds like a charmer," she teases.

"Oh but Mom," I sigh. "He has these eyes… these gray brown eyes that can't decide what color they want to be. And when he laughs… and his smile…" I sigh again. "He's really quite sweet he just tries not to be."

"Okay, _he_ sounds like a charmer." I smile at her and she painstakingly pushes herself to sit up. "Has he kissed you?" I grin again and drop my gaze, shaking my head yes. "Now, Madge…"

"That's all!" I say quickly. "That's all, I swear." She raises an eyebrow at me but I can tell it's sarcastic. "Gosh, Mother, what do you take me for?" Again, she's smiling, and I'm grateful that I decided to sneak into her room. I never have time to talk to her anymore, but she's still the mom I remember.

"Anything else? Oh, come on Madge! I'm your mother!"

"His names Gale," I say. "He just turned 19." I can tell the age difference makes her uncomfortable but then I remind her, "I turn 17 in a few months!" and she just shrugs.

"Your life," she tells me. "Go on,"

So I do, "He's kind of protective. And not like the overbearing clingy kind, but the kind where he just wants to make sure everyone's safe and okay. He cares a lot about his family, and he's really gentle. He makes me feel safe…"

"Sounds like you like him a lot," she says gently. I sit back and wonder how long I've paid attention to the boy with the snares. I always knew who he was when he visited with Katniss, although we rarely spoke other than him being an ass-hat toward me. But I was one to him too.

"I… do. I think I do, anyways. I feel like I can do anything when I'm with him, which is stupid," I mutter the last part. "But it's helping. I mean, I climbed a tree, Mom!" She laughs and makes her wince not obvious at all, but I had been watching so I catch it.

"Now, Madge, honey," she reaches forward and grabs my hand. "That is why you cannot worry about this disease." I sit back in my chair but still hold her hand. "You cannot worry about something you aren't sure you have when you could be out there kissing boys and climbing trees." How she manages to get me to smile, I'm not sure. But I do it. "Do you understand?"

"Yes Mommy."

"So go to the parties and hold hands! Be _daring, _Madge! You only live once, live it as best you can." And she's right. She's totally and 100% right. And I've heard this advice before. And he was right when he told me, too.

We make small talk for a long time after that, I tell her about Katniss and the Games and how there can be two victors. I wonder if she thinks about Aunt Maysilee and how Haymitch and her were a team. I know I'd still have an aunt if the rules had changed then. Haymitch wouldn't have let anything happen to her. Haymitch is a drunk now. I don't blame him. A knock at the door breaks apart our conversation. She tells me she's going to get some sleep and I kiss her on the cheek before getting down the stairs to answer the door.

I pull open the door and on list of people I was expecting to see, Darius wasn't one of them.

"And to what do I owe the pleasure?" I ask, fake bowing to him. Darius smirks and steps through the door, pulling it shut. Peacekeepers don't have to ask for permission. I know Darius is more polite than that so he must be in a rush of some sorts.

"Just wanted to drop something off," he tells me, tossing the dark jacket at my head. My stomach sinks as I yank it into my hands. The scent of blood and fire whisky still remains.

"How did you…"

"Listen, Madge," Darius walks over and taps my chin so I look up at him. "I don't know where you were when we raided, but if they had found this you'd be in deep trouble."

I drop the jacket to the ground and instantly wrap my arms around him. He laughs and returns the hug, but only briefly. "Thank you," I mutter. "Hell, it has my name on it and everything." I pick it up off the floor and read the tag on the inside, UNDERSEE staring back at me in dark print.

"Just be more careful, alright?" I nod quickly and wonder how he knew to take it. "I remember you wearing it when you stopped in the Hob."

"Right," I nod again, awkwardly holding the jacket. "Is that all?"

"Not exactly," Darius begins to fidget. "Gale Hawthorne."

I groan, "Get out of here," I push him lightly toward the door. A smirk spreads across his face and he crosses his arms. "Don't give me that! And don't tell my dad!"

"Of course, Princess," he laughs. "Just be careful with him, alright?" I scrunch my face and Darius sighs. "I know you and him are dating or something."

"Or something," I mutter.

"But whatever he says, he loves Katniss."

I nod. "I know," I tell him. "He said so himself once."

"No matter what happens to her, Madge… I don't want you getting hurt. He's always loved Katniss even if he didn't really know it. When she gets back, things'll be different." I smile at the fact that he says when instead of if. I think he notices because he smiles too.

"Alright, Darius."

"I'm just warning you," he says. "And I know we're not friends, but I know Gale, and I know _you_, so…"

"Al_right_ Darius!" I laugh and tap his arm gently. "I get it!"

"You know where to find me," he smirks, grabbing my hand lightly. "Ms. Undersee."

"Out!" I laugh as he presses another kiss to it. He winks, straightens his helmet, and bows before walking out the door. Darius is a good guy. I talk to him every once in a while and despite his flirty antics I know he's a sweetheart.

I spend the rest of the night watching the Games and sipping tea. I'm surprised that Katniss is reciprocating Peeta's feelings and that there are lots and lots of kissing. He's still sick with fever and probably dying, but he's happy. I can't believe it took me this long to figure out Peeta's had a crush on Katniss ever since I can remember. But Katniss' feelings for Peeta confuse me.

They seemed forced. Fake.

I wonder if they are. But then again, the Capitol wouldn't know the difference. And that's who they're trying to fool. They're probably fooling the whole lot of Panem actually, and the only reason it feels fake to me is because Katniss doesn't do things like that normally. I wonder how Gale feels about their kissing. I wonder if it reminds him of our kissing.

Is our kissing even comparable to theirs? I hope not… because I don't know if theirs is real. But when Gale kisses me… it's real. I feel it. It has to be. It's so genuine and sweet and like he means it… but what Darius said comes back to haunt me every time I think about it. _He's always loved Katniss_… and if that's the issue, then something's got to change. I've just got to make him love _me_.

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><p><em>AN: Still forever upset that Madge isn't in the movies. Sorry for the filler chapter. There's got to be a few. Review/critique/hate/enjoy!_


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: THE HUNGER GAMES IS COMING OUT THIS WEEK. I REPEAT. THIS WEEK. **

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><p>School is lonely. School is awfully terribly lonely. Bristel and Thom stop in to collect their stuff from their lockers and say goodbye, but that's all. Gale already had to go to the mines, today was his first day. My short burst of friendship feels like a distant memory, like a dream. I sit by myself at lunch and watch as Cassius, Landon, and his other brainwashed ass-hats sneer at me. They won't come near me, however, and I feel it has to do with the purple bruised black eye he has.<p>

At least that gets my spirits up.

All through lunch we're shown updates of Katniss and Peeta. Kissing. Kissing. Kissing. It makes me feel even more lonely. The way she cares for him makes me wonder if she actually does feel for him some. She still looks a little uncomfortable, but at the same time less.

The day goes on and I find myself just moving through without feeling. I distract myself in class by thinking about Gale, and not the results of that test coming out inconclusive. After school I go to pick up Prim but take the long way, finding myself in a secluded part of town. I just wanted to think about things, or well, not think about things. Just wanted to look at some scenery that I don't usually see. Halfway through, however, I get the feeling someone's watching me. A few moments later I get the feeling that something bad is going to happen.

I pick my feet up and walk as fast as I can without glancing over my shoulder. My gaze stays on the ground, and that's my first mistake. The perpetrator comes at me from in front and throws his arm over me, trapping me against the building. His other arm goes to the other side and he stands in front of me. Purple eye and all.

"Now now, Madge," his voice is seething. "You're in the wrong part of town."

"Just taking a different route," I reply, pushing him away and refusing to drop his gaze. "On my way to pick up Prim."

His face scrunches, maybe because he doesn't recognize the name, or maybe because I'm expected somewhere and someone's waiting for me. "Did you have a good weekend?" he asks, totally avoiding the fact that I have somewhere to be.

"Same as usual," I lie. "Cleaning the house and playing piano."

"No parties?" he asks, taking a step closer, as if he could get any closer without stepping on me. I refuse to let him scare me. I refuse to let him make me cower.

"Cassius, do you really think I'm a party type of person?" And then I laugh and his face morphs into anger.

"I know you were there."

"Where?" I really am quite an actor. Maybe the Capitol will hire me to be on a television program one day. Or I could be a lawyer. Either works.

"At Gale's party."

"Gale had a party?" I laugh again, "And you think I was invited?" He leans back for a moment and it looks as though he might actually believe me. "He hates me. Where've you been?"

"You're lying," Cassius says. "I know you're lying."

"Say what you wish, Cassius, but I wasn't there." He forces me back against the building stronger than the first time. "What do you _want_?" I hiss, and he gently pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. My insides shudder but my outside shakes him off. "Stay away from me," I growl. "Get off!"

"You could do so much better than Gale," he whispers roughly in my ear.

"And so much better than you," I snap back, trying to push him away again. "Get off me, Cassius!"

After trying to get even closer I start to get nervous. Avoid at all costs, that what everyone told me. To avoid him at all costs! "She said get off of her," someone yanks him off and shoves him down the street. "Now get, would you? Touch a lady like that…" Without saying anything else Cassius runs off, a scowl on his face.

I turn to look at my savior and slowly analyze him. I've seen him before, once or twice, but I don't know his name. He's a little bit taller than me, maybe five inches or so, and has this wonderfully shaggy hair that isn't too short but just the right length; its dirty blonde, but more toward the darker side. He also has these bright green eyes. I love green eyes…

"You alright?" he asks, and I nod. I can't stop looking at his eyes. They're so… bright. So out of place in this district. I nod and he smiles shortly at me. "Good. Cassius is an asshole," again I nod.

"I… thank you. I'm–"

"Madge Undersee," he laughs, cutting me off. "Yeah, everyone knows you. I'm Jace."

"Jace," I repeat, and he nods. I extend my hand and he shakes it. "Well thank you," I say, and we start walking off toward Prim's school. "He's everywhere I go," I tell him. "Like a stalker."

"Well it'd be best if you tried to avoid him then, or at least get a bodyguard," he smirks. He has a nice gait, very sturdy and confident. His hands have slid into his back pockets and he keeps my pace but keeps his distance at about a foot. I guess I'm a little shaken after Cassius, and the distance is comfort.

Jace. Jace what? What's his last name? Does he go to school or does he work in the mines? He's from town, I know he's from town he has to be. He doesn't look like he's from the Seam at all. Curiosity overtakes me and I have to ask. "So what do your parents do, _Jace_?" He has a pretty name.

With a smile, probably at the way I said his name, he tells me, "My family owns the jewelry store on Main Street," Aha! I knew I had seen him. He's almost as wealthy as me! "Family business," he adds with a shrug.

"Must be nice," I say. The jewelry at the shop isn't terribly expensive, mostly anyone in town could afford it, but it's very lovely. There are a few items that only Captiol people could afford, however, and sometimes when they come for the Reaping or the Victory Tour afterwards they stop and pick something out. It's usually rare to happen, but I remember a few years ago Effie nearly bought the entire shop. She said it was in fashion. They mostly just sell rings for weddings, however, but there are some necklaces and bracelets too if you save up for it.

Again he shrugs, "Slow but rewarding." I don't feel uncomfortable in his presence, which is nice. It was starting to feel like the only people I could ever talk to would be Gale and his friends, but it appears other people are also approachable.

"You don't have to walk me," I tell him. "I can handle myself."

"Obviously," he laughs, which causes me to smile too. "I'm on my way to the school too, I have to pick up my brother."

"Right," I nod, and cross my arms over my chest. "Well once again, thanks."

"I know you're the mayor's daughter," he chuckles, "but you don't have to be so formal. I'm not a peacekeeper." I scrunch my face and he laughs. "So you're picking up Prim?"

"Eavesdropping much?"

"Well sorry I noticed a damsel in distress and as I got closer heard bits of the conversation," he smirks. "How is she?"

"Who, Prim?" He nods. "She's holding up, I think. Haven't seen her for a few days, but probably much better now that Katniss and Peeta are a team." I pause for a moment, "Why do you care?" Most townies don't pay much to the Games.

"Should I _not_ care?"

"I just… most people don't acknowledge it, especially because she's from the Seam…"

"Prim comes into the shop a lot. I think she's kind of friends with Barrett." I'm guessing that's his brother. "She mostly just likes to look at the necklaces and swoon. She's a good kid."

I nod, "That she is." It's true, everyone likes Prim. We come up on the school and he starts veering to the left some.

"Well, it was nice to meet you Ms. Undersee," he smirks.

"Why does everyone call me that?" I groan, but mostly to the sky instead of to him.

Jace laughs and nods his head, "My apologies, _Madge_. See you around." I smile and nod back to him, finding my way to the tree I always wait by for Prim. Without meaning to my eyes often stray back to Jace who stands on the opposite side of the courtyard talking to another boy from town. His eyes meet mine a few times and I look away embarrassed. He just keeps smiling. He has nice teeth too.

"Madge!" Prim calls for me and I'm drawn out of my trance. She looks better than she has in days. When she reaches me she throws her arms tight around me and squeezes with all of her might.

"Hey!" I laugh, "How're you? You ready?"

"I've been itching to play all weekend!" She tells me, "Let's go!"

* * *

><p>Prim wasn't lying about how she wanted to play. The second we get inside her fingers go straight to the keys and she taps out her own medley. It's short but lovely and makes me feel good. She goes off on long rants about how her day was and then randomly adds in little tidbits about the Games. I just let her talk. One of the best ways to be a listener is to not interject, just let them at it. Don't give advice. Make eye contact. She just keeps going, and I'm glad she had things to talk about.<p>

Her spirit has definitely been lifted with the new rule.

"Prim, do you know someone named Barrett?"

Her fingers continue to dance over the keys and she nods, "Oh yes. He's a grade above me but sits at my table at lunch. He's funny. Why?"

"Just wondering," I reply, wondering why I was wondering. I shouldn't be wondering, should I? It was his heroics that got me to notice Jace, that's all. When people do nice things for you they stay in your thoughts for awhile, don't they?

"Sure," she giggles, and still her fingers dance. "I saw you walking with his brother. What was that about, hm?"

"Prim you're nosy," I laugh and nudge her side with my elbow. I'm glad she knows she can ask me questions now instead of being nervous like she used to be. She shrugs innocently and pauses over the keys.

"I thought you liked Gale."

"Prim! I told you I didn't!" But now I'm just lying, and again she shrugs. "I don't like anyone." But I do, I like Gale a lot. Which is why my questions about Jace are irrelevant and need to stop. Gale is my not-boyfriend. But if he's my not-boyfriend then are these questions about Jace even a bad thing?

My head hurts.

"Sure, Madge, whatever you say…" she trails off and lifts her voice into a sing songy tone. "Just because I'm not in high school doesn't mean I don't hear rumors…"

"Prim!" I laugh again and reach over to tickle her. The rest of the night is spent like that, Prim constantly teasing me about boys no matter how many times I tell her they're irrelevant in my life. Even though they aren't. They're more relevant in my life than ever, if I'm being honest.

The sun falls into the sky and I realize Gale never came to pick Prim up. When I ask her about this her eyes go wide. "Oh _no_, I forgot he was starting at the mines!"

"It's alright," I reassure her, "I can take you home until we figure something out." And so I take her. Our conversation isn't as playful as before but it still continues warmly and I love the feeling as if I have a sister. Sometimes I feel like the piano lessons are more for me than for her considering I don't get much teaching done. When we get to her house a loud announcement is echoing from the inside. We rush through the door to news of a feast. A feast!

Prim smiles because she's probably thinking the same thing as me, Katniss doesn't need food. She knows how to get it. But then Templesmith says, "Now hold on. Some of you may already be declining my invitation."

"You're right she is!" Prim shouts angrily, crossing her arms.

"But this is no ordinary feast. Each of you needs something desperately."

"The medicine," I whisper, snapping my hand over my mouth. There's no way Katniss is going to turn this down now. I know it.

Claudius continues, "Each of you will find that something in a backpack, marked with your district number, at the Cornucopia at dawn."

"No," Prim is shaking her head back and forth and keeps looking at her mother who has paused at the sink. Her hands still hover in the air holding a sponge and a dish but they aren't scrubbing anymore. "She can't!"

"Think hard about refusing to show up. For some of you, this will be your last chance," he says. It ends. It ends like that. This is Peeta's last chance to survive.

While Claudius was making his announcement the screen flashed with all the other tributes, some already starting to prepare their supplies, but now it's focused only on Katniss and Peeta.

"You're not risking your life for me."

"Who said I was?"

"So you're not going?"

"Of course, I'm not going."

But she is, she's totally going. Even Peeta calls her out. Katniss isn't a good liar. Maybe to Panem but not to people face to face. She's awful at it. In all the years I've known her she could never tell a lie to my face. I'd always figure it out and then she'd gush with apologies and how she hadn't meant to upset me and I would just laugh.

She screen doesn't show anyone else, just Katniss and Peeta as they bicker. Once Katniss goes outside the camera trails her, which is odd. She isn't doing anything important, so she must be receiving a parachute soon. That's the only reason they'd still show her instead of the pair from District 2 which are mostly likely sharpening knives.

Just as expected, a silver parachute drops from the sky and I glance at the clock on their wall. I tell them sorry but I have to go, and they understand. After giving Prim a hug goodbye I go to the door and open it right onto someone.

"Oh! I'm sorry!" I start saying, but they shove their hand over my mouth. I force it off before they can get a grip and sigh with relief after seeing its Gale. "Why would you do that?" I snap in a forced whisper. "You scared me half to death!" Thoughts of Cassius and Jace return and I shove them away instantly.

"Only half?" he laughs, but then sighs. "Sorry, I was coming to see if Prim got home and heard about the feast… but then I saw you and didn't want you to shout." He's pulled me a few feet away from the house but is talking loud enough they could hear him.

"Are you worried?" He drops his gaze but doesn't say anything. "Hey," I brush his cheek gently. "Katniss is gonna be fine. Okay?" He looks back up to me and smiles sadly. "Gale."

"Alright," he replies. "Alright."

"How was your first day?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

He shrugs, "I'm sore. Everyone said it's going to take some getting used to." I nod and drop my hand from his face. He's obviously not in a talking mood, too worried about Katniss. Darius's warning comes back to haunt me and I cross my arms over my chest. Stupid Darius.

"Gale? Madge?" Prim sticks her head out the door. "Katniss fed Peeta sleep syrup." Her voice is on edge of hysterics. "He's knocked out… s-she's going to the feast."

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><p>After sitting with Prim for another ten to twenty minutes with Gale wordlessly pacing the room I decide I have to get home. I have to try to sleep despite knowing I won't be able to. I say goodbye and Gale follows, also saying goodnight and that he'd try to check in before going to the mines tomorrow. I doubt he will, 6AM is a little early for a 12 year old whose school doesn't start until 8.<p>

He walks me home, his hand hovering close to mine yet never grabbing it. I want to squeeze his and tell him everything'll be okay but I know I can't. Not here.

"You know Katniss," I tell him gently. "If Peeta would have died without her even trying she'd never stop blaming herself."

"If she dies because of him," Gale growls. "I'll never forgive her. Never."

"If she dies you won't have to," I reply calmly, finally crossing my arms over my chest. The breeze is only slight but it's still cold. "But she's not going to die so I don't see what you're up in fuss about…"

"Shut up, Madge!" He finally snaps, cutting me off. "Just, stop talking!" His outburst scares me and I fumble a step or two and lock my jaw. "You don't know what you're talking about." I keep my mouth shut and take a deep breath. I have to remind myself to just let him rant because that's what good listeners do, but it's really hard. "You've never had any threat of being Reaped, getting thrown into the Games. This isn't a dream or a prank, this is real. Someone's going to die at that feast and by hell it could be her!"

Why he brought up me getting thrown in the Games I'm not sure, but I don't say anything. I let him rant. And it's hard. It's very hard. Especially when my feelings start to get hurt.

Gale continues, "You act like, I don't know. You act like she's just gonna come home and be completely fine, like nothing's changed. You act as if she has no risk to this!" I bite the inside of my cheek until I taste copper and hug my arms tighter to me. "I don't know if it comes with being the mayor's daughter or you're just like that but damn can you stop?"

"Sorry I'm trying to stay optimistic," I finally snap back at him, throwing my arms down. "Sorry that the only way I can get through these Games is forcing myself to believe that she _is _going to get out okay!" The anger in my voice is dripping and I don't care how many neighbors I wake up.

He pauses in his step and turns to look at me, "Madge I didn't mean…"

"Didn't mean what? Didn't mean that I'm a rich little daddy's girl with no worries in the world? Oh, you're right! You didn't mean that at all!" I storm away from him but he keeps walking after me.

"Madge," he grabs my shoulder. "I didn't mean that."

"But that's what you said," I hiss.

"I had a long day," he says. You can actually hear the tired in his voice, how he just wants to sleep. "I'm sorry. Okay? The damn feast isn't helping either. I'm just tired. I want this to end. I want to be able to sleep at night and I can't."

"You act like I can," I spit. "Everyone acts like because I live in a big house and have food on the table that I'm not scared too. Everyone thinks I'm fine when I'm just trying to make sure everyone _else_ is. I don't sleep. Ever. It's hard to force food down my throat. It's painful watching the Games." His eyes study me as I talk but I can't look up at him. "Throw all that into a life of waiting to hear if I'm going to die or not and a mother who is in fact dying alongside a dad who you can't even trust anymore!"

"So you didn't get your results?"

"Don't change the subject," I mumble. "And no, I didn't. They were inconclusive. They took another sample," I say, yanking up my sleeve to show him the new tape. "I don't want to talk about it," I say as I pull it back down.

"Madge," he sighs, and despite being in public he grabs my hand. I mean, no one's around, but it's still strange. "I'm sorry."

"I should go," I say, grudgingly pulling my hand out of his.

"You're mad at me."

"My dad's probably wondering where I am…"

"Aren't you?" I sigh and look up, meeting his eyes. "Can I see you tomorrow?"

"I don't know, Gale. It depends on things like homework and Prim and my father."

"I'll see you tomorrow then," he says gently, leaning down and kissing my cheek quickly. I roll my eyes and rub it off, but he smirks. "Goodnight, Madge."

I don't say anything in response, I've stormed off. Truth be told, he does goofy things to my stomach. Gale makes me nervous and despite being an asshole he knows what to say and do to make up for it, even if it is just a kiss on the cheek. But he still said those rude things about me that make me wonder if I really am just a backup plan. Things that make me wonder if he doesn't care if I get hurt or not.

So I decide to let the ball roll wherever it wants and follow it along. I'll see where tomorrow takes me. And boy, does it take me.

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><p><em>AN: Well, hello Jace! I know I've added a lot of secondary characters but they're all important, I think. He'll be important. Very important. And maybe you'll grow to love him or hate him, but I like Jace. And despite this being a Gadge fanfic there won't always be happiness between them. Remember they're a confusing couple! But in the end, they will prosper. Just a reminder to you. Also, one of my lovely readers is writing a Johanna fic! It's here: .net/s/7933707/1/Pure_and_simple if you'd like to read it. I just wanted to pass on the word! Enjoy!_


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I AM LITERALLY POSTING THIS AND THEN LEAVING FOR THE THEATER. I LOVE YOU ALL. I'M FREAKING OUT.**

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><p>My father sighs at the kitchen table, fingering through the newspaper. I stare absentmindedly at the front page without processing what it says, but there's a picture of Peeta and Katniss from the interviews that feel years ago. The paper bends at just the right angle where I can't read the headline, but I'm just staring. I'm not processing. I'll probably forget about it once I get to school anyway.<p>

"Madge, dear," my father finally puts the paper down. "I've said your name numerous times. Are you alright? Feeling ill?"

"No, no I'm fine," I reassure him and take a bite of the toast on my plate. "Just tired." And that's the truth. I barely got a wink of sleep last night. Every time I closed my eyes I would see Cassius shoving me against the building, his breath too close to mine. Not even Jace could be the savior in my nightmares. Just me and Cassius.

"Alright, well," he folds the paper and tucks it under his arm. "I'm going to need you to do a few favors today," he tells me as he pushes himself away from the table. "Maybe take Prim with you if you'd like."

"What're you trying to hide from me now?" I smirk before sipping at my tea. Thankfully it's not chocolate mint. That wouldn't be good with breakfast anyway. It's peach. Another one of my favorites.

"Nothing to hide, just trying to keep you out of the house," he tells me. He walks into the kitchen carrying his plate but continues speaking to me. His voice picks up to carry across the hall. "I'm just holding a few interviews."

"Interviews for what? For the Games? Who's coming to our house?" I hop out of my seat and carry my half eaten plate of food after him. I can't stomach much anyways.

"No, no, for _us_." I hand him my plate and he places it in the sink. "Look at us, we're a mess. We need some help around the house."

I lift my eyes to the table covered in obscure documents and unwashed napkins. "You mean like a maid?"

"More than one, Madge."

"Like, a maid and a butler?" I'm not a good cook, and Dad barely has time to.

"Precisely," he smiles. "So I need you to stay out of the house so I can assess them."

"I can help!" I shout, "Please! If they're going to be staying here then I should help!"

After a moment of thought he shakes his head, "No. I'm sorry Madge." I considering hissing at him or being rude but I decide that isn't in my best interest. I'm trying to get back on track with my father, I want things to be like they were before. So instead I sigh, but nod. He smiles and reaches into the pocket of his suit, extracting a small list.

"You promise you're not hiding anything from me?" I ask as I snatch it from his hand.

"I swear," he says, holding up his hand like he's giving an oath. "Now get to school, you're going to be late."

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><p>Completely forgetting about the feast the night before, I had forgotten to check the results in the morning. Thankfully (or unthankfully, due to the fact that I was trying to <em>eat<em>), replays were shown during lunch. I manage to choke down an apple without too much harm but the replays are terrifying. The girl from D2 gets her head smashed in. Her _head_. SMASHED IN. Oh, hell, I can't even imagine. The thought drives me to shivers.

Despite being a career, she was still a girl. She had friends and family and in death, she was terrified. Even their strong demeanors wear off and you see that they're scared, whether or not they volunteered.

Cassius keeps his distance today, and in fact, I don't even see him. Which is good. Because I might either have a panic attack or smack him so hard his grandchildren can feel it. Or both. The screen is shows clips from the feast parallel to real time. Cato, the boy from D2 trekking through the wheat fields. Katniss, hunched over in a pool of blood as Peeta, who's now awake and well, tapes a bandage to her forehead. The red headed girl perched in a tree yanks a sleeping bag over her head. All this is being shown as the girl from D2 slices open Katniss's eyebrow. I shudder at the screen.

"At least she's alive," a voice shouts to me as I do so. I look up and none other than Jace the savior stands behind me, only he's watching the screen instead of me. "That's what counts, right?"

"Yeah," I say quickly, and divert my eyes back to the screen. Boys need to just leave me alone!

"Do you always sit by yourself?" Jace ponders.

"Do you always ask so many questions?"

He laughs, "Yeah, actually. If you're curious about something you should ask, so I do. I'll take your hostility as a yes."

"What grade are you in?" I ask, turning back to him. His hands are in his back pockets again. "How come I've never talked to you until yesterday and then you're showing up everywhere? Stalking me?"

"Definitely," he laughs again, sliding into a seat two over from me and hoisting his foot up to the one in between us. I try not to smile but I do, then force it from my face.

"Grade," I repeat irritated, shoving his foot off the chair.

"One above you," Jace smirks. "I answered your question, your turn."

"Yes I always sit by myself," I mutter, my gaze stuck on the screen. I can't look at his eyes or I won't be able to look away. Damn green eyes.

"You know, you're not as intimidating as everyone thinks you are. Kind of a letdown."

"I didn't ask you to sit here," I grumble.

"You didn't say I couldn't," he points out. I cross my arms and sigh. "Do you want to sit with us?" I look toward him, my eyes narrowed. Over at his table sits a few other kids from town, some I talk to in class, but only rarely. I make a hissing face and he holds up his hands in defeat and stands up before stepping away. "Sitting alone must be… lonely. Someone at my table pointed you out."

"I'm alright," I tell him, turning my gaze back to the screen. But I want to join him, because this reminds me of Gale and his friends, and how friends aren't a bad thing. "Thanks, though."

"Offer still stands," Jace says. "Feel free to join us anytime." And then he flashes me a smile and I regret not joining their table.

* * *

><p>I take the normal path to Prim's school this time making sure that someone else is always in my sight. Just in case. When I get there I wait by the tree and can't help but scan for Jace. I don't find him, instead I find Rory. He bows, like usual, and I can't help but laugh.<p>

"My dear Madge,"

"Rory," I chuckle. "Did Prim stay home?"

He nods, "Did you _see_ Katniss? Prim could barely get out of bed this morning, let alone make it to school."

I sigh and wonder if the piano would help her. "Thanks for letting me know," I tell him. He nods and starts to walk away. "Wait! Wait," he turns and raises an eyebrow. I don't want to stop talking to him yet, I just need human interaction. "Where's Vick?"

"Oh, he stayed home too. Just me today,"

"Want to run some errands with me?" I ask, and his eyes light up. I'd like to know Rory more, I guess, considering he's my not-boyfriends little brother. Also there's the fact that I don't want to be by myself. If Cassius attacked me in broad daylight before he'd do it again. Maybe that's selfish of me, but I just want someone with me. Rory's that someone, today.

* * *

><p>"So what's first?" he snatches the list out of my hand. "Gale never lets me do anything with him," he mutters. "What's with you and Gale anyways, hm?"<p>

"You and Prim are nosy," I say, snatching the list back from him. Rory snickers and slides his hands into his back pockets. "First is the shoe store." I wonder if Rory has ever been to the shoe store. I know that's a tragic thought and I curse myself for thinking it, but really! He seems unaffected by the news and continues with small talk. That's why I love kids younger than me. They always have small talk. They always know what to say.

At the shoe store Rory glances at the shelves with wide eyes and looks down at his own. He wiggles his foot, and then shrugs without even noticing I was watching. I laugh and he grins.

"I like my shoes," he tells me. "They're probably more comfortable than yours. _Mine_ are worn in." I laugh again and throw the box of shoes Mr. Grayson hands me into a bag before slinging it over my shoulder. Rory offers to carry it but I tell him I have it, and then I walk out the door, Rory following.

He's a lot like Gale, but not like him at all. As we walk to the bakery I realize he doesn't hold the temper his brother does and is actually a huge goofball.

"…And _then _the teacher told me if I didn't get off the desk she was going to send a note home but I was still dancing and didn't hear her…"

"Did she send a note home?" I ask with a grin.

"No, she was laughing too hard herself to do that." We burst into a fit of laugher again and Rory shrugs. "What can I say? I have mad dancing skills."

We push open the door to the bakery and sweet smells fill our noses. Rory pauses in the doorway and just inhales for a moment. Mr. Mellark is at the cash register but there's some bustling about in the back, probably one of his sons or Mrs. Mellark.

"Madge!" he exclaims, "It's so good to see you! How've you been?"

"Same ol' same ol'," I reply as I browse the rack. "What about you?" He just grins back and I know his spirits are higher than ever. They must be with the fact that Peeta's now up and moving, apparently healed from the medicine. With an acknowledging smile I point out a few cookies.

"This place smells so good," Rory says, from next to me, peering over the counter. "Do you ever get tempted to just eat everything?"

"Oh yes," Mr. Mellark says as he pulls out the cookies. They're for my mother. "Every day." Rory grins and watches as he places them in a white paper bag. "Anything else?" I point to a few different loaves of bread and he bags those too.

Rory stares longingly at a red velvet cupcake and licks his lip. "You want that?" I ask, and he shakes his head no instantly. "Oh, come on. I have a few extra dollars!"

"No, no it's okay Madge."

"Rory Hawthorne!" I laugh and point to the cupcakes. "Can you bag me five of those, please?" Mr. Mellark smiles and nods and Rory's eyes grow wide. "For your family," I nudge him with my elbow. A grin spreads across his face and he hugs me.

"You're the best Madge! The best!" He starts bouncing on his toes and making up a song about how wonderful and perfect I am. With a laugh I hand Mr. Mellark the money and snatch up my two paper bags from the counter. Rory is still bouncing on his toes and watches as all five of the cupcakes are lifted into the bag.

Suddenly overwhelmed by the heat of the store I tell Rory I'll wait outside for him. He just continues to sing about my utter perfection and kindness and with a laugh I push myself outside. Once in the brisk air I take a few breaths and look toward the sky. It's still pretty bright outside.

"Fancy seeing you here," a voice scrapes out of someone's throat. My heart drops and I refuse to turn around. "Just the girl I wanted to see. Come on, Madge," Cassius grabs my wrist and starts pulling me. "Let's go do something."

"Get off me," I mutter, yanking my wrist from him. "I'm busy."

"Yeah, with me," he grabs my wrist again. Just as he does, Rory stumbles out of the shop with some icing on his upper lip and a bite of cupcake in his mouth. Cassius drops my wrist and winks at me, then scurries away quickly.

"Who was that?" Rory asks through the cupcake, and then wipes his lip with his wrist.

"N-no one," I answer too quickly.

He swallows, "Madge you're shaking, are you okay?" I nod again and again but I know I'm not okay. I _know_ I'm not okay.

"Let's just go," I say, cringing when my voice cracks, and pulling him in the other direction. Rory stays quiet for a long time and I try my hardest to not look at him. "Don't tell Gale," I say quietly. "Please."

"Who was that?" Rory asks again, picking off a tiny piece from his dessert and nibbling on it.

"Cassius," I sigh. "He… he's been harassing me."

"He grabbed your wrist, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I lie. I'm not fine. The more Cassius is around me the more I freak out. I used to doubt that he'd do anything to me but tease but things have taken a turn for the worst recently. Maybe the fight he had with Gale triggered something, but I don't want to blame it on Gale so I don't. I blame it on the freak sick nature of Cassius's mind.

Rory breaks off a piece of his cupcake and hands it to me. "Here," he says. "Eat this. You didn't get yourself one and everyone likes cupcakes." I smile a little and grab it from him, slowly nibbling on it.

"Thanks Rory." He just smiles and nods, and with every passing moment I'm more and more grateful he's with me.

Our last stop is the jeweler. My dad said he got something special and that I wasn't allowed to look at it. I wondered if that meant it was for me or my mother, but I didn't ask. On the walk there Rory bets me that he can get me to laugh, so I accept the challenge. I'm not in a laughing mood so I'm sure I'll win. However, the closer we get to the shop the more my lips tug at my cheeks.

"Okay, okay, you obviously have heard that one before," Rory scoffs after I refuse to laugh at the talking cupcake joke. I hadn't heard it before, and it made me giggle on the inside, but I refused to let him win. "Okay! I know! I'll tell blonde jokes!"

"Rory, I'm a blonde!"

"That's the point! Okay, how did the blonde try to kill a bird?"

"Umm…"

"She threw it off a cliff!" As he laughs I yank my hand to my mouth and stifle the laugh I want to give. "Okay, how do you confuse a blonde?"

"You don't," I mutter with a smile.

"You're right! They're born that way!"

"Rory!" I laugh as I push open the door. "Stop it!"

"I got you to laugh!" He points at me and bounces on his toes. "I knew it! I knew I could!"

"Oh hush," I chuckle as we enter. He grins victoriously to himself and gazes around the dark room. "Hello?"

"Be out in a minute!" A muffled voice replies. Rory and I exchange glances and he shrugs.

"I've never been here," Rory tells me. "Posy always wants to come in and look at the jewels but Mom never lets her." I can see why, too. The jewels on some of these rings and necklaces are _huge._ I hate to admit it, but I doubt they'd be able to afford even a tenth of the things that are in here. "Do you have the time?"

"It's about 4:30," a boy calls, and I snap my head around. Jace exits the back room and pushes up his sleeves. "I just checked." I forgot he worked here. I forgot his family owned the dang shop! I outwardly groan as he grins because that stupid smile is going to make me push him off a cliff.

"Thanks!" Rory says back. "Can you tell me when it's five?"

"Oh, we won't be staying that long," I say quickly to Rory, and widen my eyes as if to say _don't even think about it_. I think he understands because he drops his gaze back to the items in the counter below us. "I'm just here to pick up something."

"Well it's still cooling," Jace smirks. "So it might be awhile. You're free to stay until it does, of course."

"What do you mean, _cooling_?" Rory asked, crossing his arms. "That sounds fake."

"Well we heat the metals and then mold or design them. My mom did the necklace for your family, Madge," he tells me. "Looks great, by the way. But we have to heat them so they'll form correctly. Wanna see?"

"Hell–"

"_Rory!_"

"I mean heck! Heck yes! Please Madge!" He turns around to me and clasps his hands together, then falls to his knees and makes a puppy dog face. Grudgingly, I allow Rory to go see. I, however, knowing I have a not-boyfriend who is the brother of the boy I brought, decide it's in my best interest to wait in the main room. As a chorus of _whoas_ and _oohs _echo from Rory I busy myself by looking at the jewelry.

I'm not big on jewelry, honestly, especially because I live in the district I do. I feel like it would make me seem uppity or snotty, but everything in this shop is just so breathtaking I want it all. Necklaces dangle from hooks with tiny gems in the center. Rings covered in red orbs sparkle from a drawer. I can't decide if I like silver or gold better, they both shine wonderfully.

"I made that one," Jace's voice pulls me up from my trance. "The bracelet." I sigh without thinking about it, because that's also on the list of beauties I'd love to possess. It's a silver and copper mix that interweaves with each other. It's not too flashy, but it reminds me of home and it's beautiful. Just beautiful. Rory's still in the back shouting about something.

"It's lovely," I tell him.

He shrugs, "Thanks." Then he smiles again. And I swear. "So I do believe we established myself as the stalker, and not you. However, here you are at my place of residence and work…"

"Get over yourself," I laugh. "I told you I'm picking something up. When'll it be done, again?"

"Crap!" I hear Rory shout just as Jace goes to answer my question. "It's past 5! My mom is gonna _kill_ me!" He tails it out of the back room out to us. "Thanks for the cupcakes Madge, but I really gotta go!" He waves goodbye and shouts something again about the heating device machine in the back and then is out the door, white paper bag full of cupcakes and all.

"Good kid," Jace says, and I nod. "Should be done in a few minutes," he finally answers my question. "You sure you don't wanna see the stuff in the back?"

"Yup, I'm sure." I cross my arms and back at the jewelry.

"You do know I was kidding about the stalking, right?" I look back up and he has an eyebrow raised. With a chuckle I nod my head. "Okay, good, because I was starting to think you took me seriously." After another pause he adds, "I'm really not this weird."

"You're fine," I laugh. "I just don't think metal bending is entirely appealing."

"It's really cool," he says. "I swear! Come on, just let me show you! By then your necklace'll be ready and you can go, I swear." And despite the not-boyfriend situation I follow him to the back of the room anyways. Because it's not like we're flirting, metal bending isn't flirting at all. We're just friends. I'm allowed to have friends that are boys. Right?

And you know, he's right. The metal bending whatever the hell it is, is really cool. He has to wear these really thick gloves and this face mask and he tells me to step back and then he's shouting over the sparks from this weird machine thing and it's all really fascinating. He even shows me some of the cut gems that were sent in from the Capitol. Usually we're sending things to them, but they give us some things too, like gems for jewelry in case any of their brainwashed monkeys want to buy anything.

"We ship a lot of the stuff we make back to the Capitol anyway," he tells me. "Not much use for it here, and not to brag but our stuff is awesome." I nod in agreement, their works are wondrous. "Oh, hell," he looks up toward the clock that's pushing on 7. "I had no idea…"

"Oh," I say, gazing at the clock. "Me neither." Then we both laugh. He goes in the back to grab my necklace and wraps it in a brown paper bag. "I'm not supposed to look at it. Do you think it's for me?"

"Yeah, I'd say," he says. "It's really nice. I think you'll like it."

"What is it?" I press and lean forward on my toes. "Come on!"

Jace wags his fingers at me, "Tsk, tsk. You're nosy." I roll my eyes and snatch the bag from him, shoving it into the bag over my shoulder. "It's dark out," he says. "I don't wanna be creepy or anything but do you want me to walk you?"

"I know where I live," I jab back at him, but then it hits me. He's referring to Cassius. He _is_ the one that saved me. "I… um. You, you don't have to."

"I asked, didn't I?" Jace pulls his coat over his shoulders. "Ready?"

* * *

><p>By the time we get to my house I've convinced myself that Jace is a good person with good intentions and a good heart. He makes small talk like Rory did only it's more age appropriate considering Rory was younger than me. He makes me laugh, too, but with jokes Rory wouldn't understand. He doesn't try to hold my hand or stand close, and he doesn't try to ask me about Cassius or my family. He just talks and I listen and then I talk and he listens. He's nice.<p>

"Thanks for walking me," I say when we reach my house. "I… I guess I'm still a little shaken up."

"You have every right to be," he says. "Did you tell anyone?" I shake my head no and look toward the ground. "You might want to," Jace suggests. "Before it happens again."

"You think it'll happen again?" I say quickly, panic in my voice.

He shrugs, "You never know with someone like Cassius. I'd hope not, but you never know." I nod again and make my way to the stairs while he stays at the foot of the porch. "So I'll see you tomorrow?"

I laugh, "Sure. Maybe I'll even sit with you at lunch."

"I'll believe it when I see it!" he calls back, and starts walking away. "Goodnight, Madge."

"Goodnight, Jace!" As I go to open the door I hear footsteps and wonder if he's coming back, but instead I see a tall figure with their mining jacket on, slowly walking away. For a moment I'm confused, but then I remember. _Can I see you tomorrow?_ A pinch of guilt jabs at my stomach as I watch him walk away. The fight, the accusations, I should have known he'd actually show up. He's hardheaded that way. For some reason I just assumed he'd take a day to breathe considering he's so hot headed. Maybe _I _was the one that needed the day to breathe. Giving one last look to Gale I sigh and walk into my house.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Dear, dear readers. I know this is Gadge. It will be Gadge. But it is also a story about life and life is not always easy and kissy and fun. And not all chapters can be about Gale considering real life relationships aren't always spent with each other. Madge needs friends, Jace is a friend (and roadblock to Gale snicker) and this chapter was to build that up some. Madge isn't going to be a cheat, Gale _is_ going to be upset. This is life, my friends!_


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: The movie was perfect if you disagree you are LAME.**

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><p>After walking Prim home from piano the next day I decide to stop by the Hawthorne's. She's in a better mood now that Katniss is up but wants to cut time short. I think she's getting anxious for the end of the Games. We all know it's coming. Gale should still be at work so I don't feel overly creepy stopping by. I want to apologize to Hazelle for keeping Rory late the previous day. When I get there I'm greeted with a warm welcome from Posy who latches herself to my leg.<p>

"Madge!" She gaggles, and I laugh, gently prying her away. Hazelle sees me and smiles, ushering me inside.

"It's nice of you to stop by," she says, pushing her hair behind her ears with a sigh. "I'm very grateful for what you did, the cupcakes and all. You didn't have to do that. Thank you."

"Oh, you're welcome," I blush and look at the ground. "It's not a big deal. I hope you liked them."

"They were delicious," she smiles. "Is there something you needed?"

"Oh, I um, I wanted to apologize for keeping Rory late yesterday." I glance around the house and find that only Posy is inside, who sits watching the Games under her Hazelle's protective eye. "Where is he, by the way?"

"Him and Vick are outside with some of the other kids playing kickball or something," she tells me and goes back to scraping clothes against her washboard. "And don't worry, I didn't mind."

After I watch her for a moment I ask, "What's that you're doing?"

"Just washing some clothes," she says, her voice is raspy and tired. "They're for some people in town, I have no idea how I'm going to finish them all." I look over and across the kitchen dangles a few wires holding up dry clothes. "I've got to get all of _them_ folded too," she sighs.

"I can help," I say. "If you want."

"Oh, Madge, you don't have to do that."

"No, really!" I laugh, "I've been folding my own clothes ever since I could walk. If they're not satisfactory you can tell me to stop. It's the least I can do, you're family's helped me so much…" and it's true. In ways that she can't even understand. And not just Gale but Rory too.

"Well," she smirks. "If you insist." And I do insist, so moments later I'm peeling clothes from the drying line and delicately folding them. Sleeves under, then fold over, repeat, repeat, repeat, pants in two, then fold, repeat, repeat, dresses in half, then over, repeat…

Gale gets home before Rory and Vick come inside. Hazelle and I have been talking about how the trees fill with flowers during spring and they make the land smell much cleaner, and look nicer too. At first when the door opens and he looks at me I hold his gaze, but then without a word he lumbers past us. His face is covered in soot and so are his pants. I can't tell about his jacket.

"Must've had a bad day," Hazelle says quietly as he shuts his door. I know that isn't the reason though, and a few moments he comes back out. His face is scrapped clean; his jeans are still coal ridden, however.

"Undersee," he remarks, and my heart sinks. He can't be _that_ mad at me, can he? To the point where he doesn't even use my first name anymore?

"Gale," I reply as I fold another shirt, keeping my eyes off of him. Hazelle watches the interaction slowly, but doesn't say anything. I glance at the clock and realize it's getting later. "I should probably head home."

"Thanks for all the help, Madge." Hazelle says with a bright smile. "You have no idea how much it means."

"Oh, it's no problem," I reply, letting my hair down from the bun I put it in when I started to work. "It was nice seeing you again."

"You too. Gale, you should walk her." Hazelle says as I reach the door. I pause for a moment, but don't look back, and then continue without seeing if he's following. After I shut the door and start walking I hear it open a few moments later.

"Madge," Gale calls out to me, but I keep walking. _Undersee_. "Madge," he says again, more forceful this time and closer. "Let's go for a walk." And I don't object.

* * *

><p>His body is rigid, his stride is strong. He doesn't talk to me. He keeps a good two feet in distance away from me.<p>

"You're mad at me," I say once we scramble through the bushes and find our way to the spot he first took me to. "Aren't you?" He takes a few steps away from me and looks at the sky which is dimming to purple. After he doesn't answer I turn and push him. "Aren't you!" I yell, my voice catching in my throat.

"Why didn't you tell me about Cassius?"

"That's not what I asked."

"Yeah it's what _I _asked," he snaps, crossing his arms.

"I told Rory not to tell you…" I say quickly.

"It's a damn good thing he did!" Gale yells, throwing his hands in the air. "Damnit, Madge why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was scared!" I cry, taking a step back and turning away from him. "I was scared, Gale. Is that what you want? You want me to admit how terrified I am to walk anywhere by myself in fear of him shoving me up against a building? I didn't think he'd do anything until recently!" Tears are pricking at my eyes and I can't turn back to him. I'm shaking and I wrap my arms tightly around myself. "I'm scared, okay?"

Gale walks toward me and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. "That's not what I wanted," he whispers sadly. "You know that."

"I didn't think telling you would help anything," I admit quietly.

"I could make him stop," Gale says, holding me tighter. "I can."

"No," my voice cracks and I push him away so I can turn to him. "You can't." His eyes are filled with anger and sadness all at the same time. "It would only it make it worse." He grabs my hand and sighs, pulling me closer to him. My forehead bumps his chest and that's when I let the tears fall. "And then you were mad at me…"

"I'm not, Madge. I'm not mad at you," he holds me closer. "I'm not mad at you." I pull away and wipe at my eyes, diverting my gaze to the ground. "Hey," he whispers, slowly wiping a tear for me. "It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything, really, honestly. I'm sorry."

"And then I thought," I sniffle, "that you thought me and Jace were… I don't know. I don't know, I saw you walking away and…"

He lifts my chin, "If you say nothing happened I believe you."

"Nothing happened," I whisper. "I swear. I wouldn't do that to you, Gale, ever. Not intentionally."

"I know."

"These past couple of days have just been," I shake my head and he drops his hand. "I don't know. Awful, I guess. It's like the less I see you the more bad things happen to me. The more I feel like I'm doing something wrong."

"But you're not, it's not…"

"I just want to be with you," I whisper, staring at the ground. "That's selfish and stupid but the less time I spend with you the more I want you to be here with me because you make me feel safe and important and I just want to be with you…"

Suddenly his lips press forcefully against mine, hungrily like he'd never kissed me before. His hand wraps around my waist and tugs me closer, his body presses against mine. The kiss shocks me and I don't react for a moment. His other hand pulls my cheek in closer, his breath mingles with mine. Finally, he pulls away and leans down touching his forehead to mine.

"You're mine," he breathes. "No one else's, mine." I nod and reach up, pulling him in for another kiss. His breath is deep and his kiss is passionate, his strong hands never let go of me. "He ever touches you again you tell me, understand?"

"Yes," I reply, just as breathless as him. "I will." And then, instead of kissing me again, he wraps his arm around me and just holds me, breathing steady. I feel his heartbeat against my shoulder and he nuzzles into my neck.

"When Rory told me," he mumbles against me, "I didn't… I was so…" Gale squeezes me tighter before letting me go. He shakes his head and his eyes meet mine. "And then I went to your house because there was no way I was just going to wait around and that other guy was there…"

"He's just a friend," I say again. "Nothing happened, Gale, he's just a friend I swear." He shrugs and brushes a strand of hair out of my face. "He saw Cassius attack me and stopped him a few days ago. Then he just walked me home because I didn't want to be by myself…"

"You don't have to explain yourself," he says. "I trust you." I nod and then he kisses me again, only this kiss is different. My stomach explodes and all I want to do is grin. My heartbeat increases to ten million miles an hour. He smiles into the kiss, and again everything inside me explodes, but then he pulls away.

"Mine," he says again.

I laugh a little and say, "Okay. Yours."

"I mean it," he says, brushing another strand of hair out of my face. I nod again he sighs. "I'm not gonna let him hurt you. Okay? I swear I'm not gonna let him hurt you. No one's gonna take you from me."

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><p>Jace literally forces me to sit at his table at lunch ("Seriously Madge, you look like a depressed cat lady.") and it isn't half bad. At first his friends are kind of quiet around me but he starts telling jokes, and when we all laugh at them and not just them, they start to figure out that I'm a normal person.<p>

"I hear you play the piano," one of them says. They're all in Jace's grade, which is nice considering all the people in my grade don't talk to me. "Right?"

"Yeah, I'm alright." One of the girls with short brown hair raises an eyebrow at me and I laugh. "Okay, okay I'm pretty good." These people are so different from the last 'friends' I sat with. They were all from the Seam and two years older than me. Sure, these are only a year, but they're all from town. I don't have to worry about saying something overly uppity because they get it.

"You should play at the recital!" the girl says, the one who raised her eyebrow. "A few people are playing violins, someone's playing a harp, but we don't have a piano!"

"I don't know," I mumble. "I've never really played in front of a lot of people."

"Perfect time to start then," Jace smiles. "Come on, Madge!"

"Yeah, come on Madge!" They all start laughing and shouting encouragements. "You can do it!"

"Alright! Alright, fine." I catch myself smiling into my lap and Jace nudges me with his elbow. "I'll do the recital."

"Yes!" A few of them shout, one of them pumps his fist. I laugh, because I missed this. It makes me miss Bristel and Thom too. Maybe I'll invite them to the recital.

"Hey, Madge, wait up!" I turn around and find Jace jogging after me. "Picking up Prim?" School's ended so I'm on my usual walk. I nod and he falls into pace beside me. "You get her every day?"

"Mostly, when she comes to school."

He nods in understanding, "What do you do? Just hang out?"

"Well I try to teach her piano," I laugh. "But she's basically a prodigy."

"You're even teaching someone?" he smirks and slides his hands into his back pockets. "You must be better than you say you are." I scoff and roll my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. He just chuckles. "I think it's cool that you're gonna play there."

"Does it make me seem uppity?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "No. Should it? I mean, you're good at something, why not show everyone?" He's right, and once again I wonder why everyone else is right and I never am. Instead of veering left this time, Jace stays near me when the kids come out. Barrett, his little brother, finds him, and then Prim finds us a few moments later.

"Are you coming to Madge's to play piano?" she asks them and Jace laughs.

"No, I don't think we were invited."

Before I realize what I'm saying I tell them, "You can come if you like, if you're not busy that is."

Barrett turns to his older brother and raises his eyebrows. "Please Jace! Please! Mom won't care! Please!"

"Yeah, please Jace?" Prim joins in and crosses her hands. He looks up and meets my eyes again and smirks.

"Alright, just for a little bit. But we're only going to listen! Okay?" Barrett nods over and over again and we start off on our journey. Prim and Barrett walk in front of us and look back every few minutes and giggle. "You sure this is okay?"

"Oh, I don't mind," I tell him. "Besides, I have to get used to playing in front of people, right?"

He laughs, "Yeah, I guess so." At my house even Jace is stunned by the inside. I never realized it was that majestic until he points out that not everyone has golden cherubs on their shelves. But he does it in a way that doesn't embarrass me, you know, the kind that makes me laugh instead of angry. Prim shows Barrett a few notes that she can play and he sits back amazed. I also watch with amusement as the young boys eyes widen at the perfect parts.

"Wow," Barrett's hands hover over the keys. "You're really good."

"You're a good teacher," Jace says quietly, and I smirk. "I'm serious!" he laughs quietly and I nudge him with my elbow.

"Madge is better," Prim tells Barrett. "Madge, will you play something?"

"Yeah, play something," Jace pushes me toward the piano with a grin. Barrett and Prim dive off the bench and onto the couch, Jace stays standing where he was.

"I…" I trail off. What do I play? I can't play with them watching me, I can't.

"You can do it," Jace says reassuringly. "Pretend we're not here and just play your favorite."

With a deep breath I close my eyes. They're not here. Prim isn't here. No one's here, only me and my piano. And I'm playing for my mom. She told me she can hear it sometimes, so why not? Another deep breath, I press the first key, and the rest comes easily. My fingers tap out the rhythm, my favorite rhythm, high and light, soft and thoughtful. It reminds me of one of those spring days when the wind blows and the white and pink flowers from the trees flutter among the sky. It reminds me of a warm summer night where the sky is dotted with twinkling little stars. It reminds me of…

A light clapping pulls me out of my trance and I look up to see Prim and Barrett with huge grins on their faces, cheering away. I look toward Jace and a tiny smile creeps onto his face. "Wow," he says, shaking his head. "That was… beautiful."

"Thanks," I laugh and look down at the keyboard, but then back up to him. His face is still stunned and his eyes meet mine. They're searching me, but for what? His face is flushed and finally he looks away, and in his eyes reflect that same thing I was once told I had. Excitement. But more than that, surprise, a good surprise, delight, respect, and another emotion I can't seem to place.

"We should go, Barrett," Jace says. "Mom'll wonder where we are."

"Can't Madge just play one more?" Jace's eyes look toward me but then back to his brother.

"We should let the ladies practice," he smiles. "Now let's go." Barrett waves goodbye to Prim who was happy that he joined us and rushes toward the door. Prim scurries over to the piano and I force myself out of the seat. "Thanks for letting us listen."

"It's no big deal," I say, a whisper to my voice as if I'm telling a secret.

"What were you thinking about? As you played?"

"My mom," I say. "And at spring time… when the flowers from the trees get blown off and just flutter around the air. You know what I'm talking about?"

Again his eyes search mine and he smiles, "Yeah. I know what you're talking about." That look I can't remember is back and he looks toward the door. "I should go. See you tomorrow." And then he waves and goes out the door, shutting it lightly behind him.

Only after I get back to Prim who is happily tapping away at the keys do I decipher the look Jace gave me, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's something like affection, maybe yearning. It's the same look Gale gave me last night.

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><p><em>AN: I hope you like it! La la la I love you all. Tell me your favorite part! Or least favorite. Or both! I think Madge kind of liked possessive Gale considering she'd never been cared for like that. Just my opinion on the situation. _


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: Some of you are going to hate me after this chapter. I kind of hate myself...**

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><p>"Now, Madge, I want you to be respectful of these new workers we have," my father tells me, sitting me down. One of them is bustling about in the kitchen making breakfast. We used to have workers a year ago or so but one of them was stealing things so we had to fire them. I guess with my mom getting sicker we're going to need some extra help.<p>

"I'm always respectful," I mumble as the man strides from the kitchen, hot food on a platter. "That smells delicious," I say, licking my lips. The man smiles and nods, placing it down. First I panic and think my father's hired an avox, but then he speaks to me.

"I would hope so," he grins. "I hope it tastes even better." And it does, oh sweet mercy it tastes better than it smells. The man's name is Kasen. He's from the Seam. He has darker skin and short black hair. My father told me he worked in the mines but he has five kids (five!) and it wasn't enough to keep them going. It would appear my father _does _have a heart, and also a wonderful sense of taste.

The other workers my father hired take shifts. One works while I'm at school and then switches with the one who works in the evening. Cooking, cleaning, just helping around the house… it sounds like a dream. Even for me. Over the past year I've learned to do most of that on my own, I had forgotten what it was like to be treated so nicely. They're all very polite too, it's a nice change to have a little decent conversation.

* * *

><p>During lunch at school we watch the red headed girl eat the wrong berries and poison to her death. Of course today the lovely new workers have packed a mysterious type of jam on my sandwich, and I know they didn't do it on purpose but I can't bring myself to eat it.<p>

"Peeta could have eaten those," I whisper to Jace. "It could've been game over right there."

"But it wasn't, Madge. He's fine, so is Katniss." I nod, and his words are reassuring, but I can't stomach the rest of the day. I end up leaving school early and deciding if I don't have a knot in my stomach by the time Prim's school is over I'll pick her up. She can always come over if she'd like, or maybe she'll just walk home with Rory. But I can't be at school.

When I get to my house I'm feeling tired. I haven't been sleeping much, so I think I'll just go up to my room and sleep. However, upon opening the door, things change dramatically. In the living room, readjusting the pillows on the couch, is Bristel, dressed in a maids outfit.

"Bristel? What're you doing here?" She snaps up and smoothes out her skirt, meeting my eye.

"I… uh. Madge!"

"Hey…!" I laugh, "I didn't know my dad hired you!" Suddenly I'm filled with joy at the sight of her and run toward her, wrapping her in a hug. "I haven't seen you in days!" She reciprocates the hug which makes me even happier. I missed her like crazy.

"Surprise," she laughs when I pull away. "As it turns out I'm not built for working in coal mines."

"Why's that?"

"Something in the air," she tells me. "Couldn't stop sneezing. They fired me two days after I started for being distracting." There's a pause in conversation and then she says, "I told your dad not to tell you I was hired. I didn't want it being… weird."

"It's not weird! It's great!" A smile of confusion spreads on her face. "No, really! I never see you anymore and now I can and it's just good! I need a girl to talk to sometimes and Prim isn't really always an option."

"Oh, that's right," she tells me going back to straightening pillows. "I hear you have made some relationship advances…"

"Bristel," I smirk, and she grins.

"You act like Gale wouldn't tell Thom and Thom wouldn't tell me. We're best friends, Madge, they tell me everything!" I blush and drop my gaze to the ground, collapsing onto the couch. "I always knew about him," she says, sitting next to me. "The way he'd look at you… I just knew. He never told us anything until recently though. Maybe he was embarrassed."

"Because he liked me?"

"Because he thought he didn't have a chance," she tells me. "And you can't blame him. No offense, but it's totally unrealistic."

"And yet…"

She laughs, "Exactly, and yet… I just always knew. It's adorable, might I add."

"When did you become such a softie," I chuckle, and she shrugs. "Does it have anything to do with Thom?" Bristel's face flares up in pink and she looks the opposite direction. "It totally does, doesn't it?"

"How did you…"

"He told me," I grin. She then goes off on this long speech about how she never actually liked him and they were just friends until she saw him flirting with another girl and she wanted to rip her throat out… or something along those lines. He always made sure she was okay when she had sneezing fits in the mines and would walk her home and bring her flowers…

"It's just funny how things change," she smiles into her hands. "For the better." And I wholeheartedly agreed.

Bristel insisted I let her get back to work. I told her there was no way I'd let my dad fire her, but she wanted to earn her money. As she cleaned I realized I couldn't sleep so I decided to play the piano, and every once in a while I'd look up and see her watching me, only to quickly get back to work.

"Hey, Madge?" she called over my playing and I came to an abrupt halt. "Some man was here today, I forgot to tell you. He was from the Capitol."

"What was his name?" I ask, sliding out of the stool and pacing toward the kitchen. "Do you remember?"

"It started with a G," she shrugs. "Left some papers for your dad. I just wanted to tell you before I forgot." Without waiting for another word my feet carried me toward the staircase. "Madge?" Left some papers, he left some papers. One step, two steps, my feet pounded up the stairs as my heartbeat echoed in my ears.

He left some papers. My dad isn't home. I can read the papers. The door to his office is cracked open and I push it lightly incase it echoes, but it doesn't. Bristel has followed me up the stairs slower, but still followed me. I don't even care. On his desk sits a folder, a large manila folder just waiting to be open. The Capitol seal is on the front.

"Madge?" Bristel slowly follows me into the room, carefully looking at the many screens that project the other districts and our own, the beeping lights and flashing colors. "What's going on?"

I yank the folder toward me and collapse on the floor, throwing it open and scanning the words as fast as I can. I see my name. I see my age. I see my district. I see my mother and fathers names. "Help me find it!" I say, and she follows me to the floor, scanning.

"What am I looking for?" she asks, fingering through a pile I thrust at her.

"A result, positive, negative… inconclusive…"

"Why? What's it for?" She's still scanning.

"Just find it!" I snap, carefully turning over every paper just in case I missed something. "Where is it…."

"Here!" Bristel shouts, thrusting a paper at me. "It says DNA results…" I yank the paper from her hand and hold it up to the light so I can read it.

DNA RESULTS: POSITIVE

* * *

><p>"Madge," Bristel's voice is pulling me out of a trance. I'm on the sofa. "Madge can you hear me?" I nod my head but it feels like it's waterlogged. "You fainted," she says. "Drink this." I take the glass of water from her hand and slowly sip at it, feeling my forehead. I'm burning up, I'm sweating, I'm freezing. "What happened?"<p>

"Did you put the papers back?" I ask, and she nods.

"Just like we found them."

"Good," I say, taking another sip. She watches me carefully for a moment and crosses her hands over her lap. "It's weird seeing you in a skirt, but kind of cool at the same time…"

"Madge," she grabs the glass from my hand and sets it on a cup holder. The cup holder has a picture of a goose on it. Why do we have a cup holder with a goose on it? I don't even remember the last time I saw a goose. "What's going on, look at me," her hand catches my cheek and pulls it up to look at her. Concern rings in her eyes. "What does that mean? Positive?"

"Hell," I groan, tearing my cheek from her hand. "That actually happened?" I slink back so I'm farther away from her. "I was hoping it was just a nightmare…" Her eyes change to panic and she constantly looks around the room.

"Do you want me to call someone? Your dad…"

"No, no, no," I say quickly, sitting up. "He can't know I know. No one can know. Bristel, you can't tell anyone!" I'm not tired anymore, I'm not submerged in water. "Anyone! Do you understand?"

"No, Madge, I don't understand. What happened?" So then I tell her, words pouring out of my mouth at incredible speeds and I have no idea when they'll stop. Somewhere in the middle I start crying and she grabs my hand as comfort. Finally when I'm finished, talking about my now imminent death, all that's left are sniffles, and she's quiet.

"Please," I beg her. "You can't tell anyone."

"Not even…"

"Not even Gale! Or Thom!" I fall to my knees in front of her. "Please, Bristel… I'm begging you." The voice escaping my throat doesn't sound like me. It's hoarse and terrified and weak. "Please."

"I-I won't," she says. "I swear I won't." And then I'm crying again and she falls to the floor with me and wraps me in her arms. "It's okay Madge, it's okay…" But it isn't. And I know that, and she knows that, but there's nothing either of us can do anymore. There was never anything we could do in the first place.

* * *

><p>As I lay awake in bed that night I think about all the wonderful things in life. I think about the flowers in spring and the leaves in fall and the snow in the winter. I think about how soft the comforter around me is, and how silky my hair feels, and the nice hum of the fan that echoes in the room. I think about Gale and his warmth and his hugs and his sweet kisses that make me forget and how I'd kill for one of them right now.<p>

I think about my mother and how she made me swear I'd live my life, and how I'm feeling unmotivated to do so, but I swore I would, I promised her, and I have to.

As I think these things a sound very unlike my fan makes me sit up in alert. It's a tapping, an inconsistent tapping echoing my room lightly. I reach for the spare pipe I have hidden under my bed and jump out, posing ready to attack, but the light tapping continues, and I realize it's coming from the window. I glance at the clock, it's nearly 2AM. Nervously, I peer out the window just another tap hits it and sends me back a step.

Finally, I work up the nerve to push it open. Below, on the ground, stands Gale, ready to throw his next stone. "Hey," he whispers just loud enough so I can hear it. "It's about time. Come down here!"

"It's almost 2," I grin back.

"Yeah, I know. Come on!" With a deep breath I slide on a pair of flats and yank a sweater around my shoulders, and then quietly creep down the stairs, skipping over the one that creaks. I rush out the back door, straight into Gale's arms. "Hey," he mumbles, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist and burying his face into my neck. "Nice to see you."

"What're you doing here?" I laugh, thumping him on the head. He leans back and presses his forehead against mine, gently pushing us against the wall of my house. "If my dad wakes up…

"I don't care," he breathes. "I just wanted to see you." I can't help but think if this has to do with Peeta and Katniss in the cave and their long loving talks… "You're not mad, are you?"

"No," I shake my head. "Not at all." He grins and presses a kiss to my jaw, causing me to sigh. "Gale," I exhale, and he pushes a strand of hair behind my ear, locking eyes with me. "Never mind."

"No, what?" he asks but I shake my head and lean forward to kiss him again. He returns the kiss but makes it short. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I reassure him. "Who said anything was wrong?"

He holds my gaze for a long time and then says, "I did. I can see it in your eyes." I force a smile and even feel my eyes crinkle.

"You're silly, nothing's wrong."

"Did Cassius…"

"No, Gale," I grab his neck and force him closer. "Cassius didn't do anything, I would have told you." He smiles and grabs my waist, pulling me in for another kiss. His warm lips mesh with mine and the whole world goes dizzy. His arm supports me as he deepens the kiss, tangling his free hand in my hair to keep me closer.

"You're beautiful," he mumbles against my lips, his breath still ragged. "You know that?" I just grin and kiss him again, and then he grins too. Only he can make me feel like this. Beautiful. Tingly. Completely at bliss. My knees are threatening to give out beneath me so I wrap both arms around his neck. "Madge," his voice is desperate as I start trailing kisses down his neck. "S-stop," he says gently. When I look up his face is flushed.

"Sorry," I breathe, and he chuckles before kissing me again quickly. "I got carried away…"

"I'm not complaining, but like you said… if your dad wakes up…" After a few more kisses he asks, "Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Of course," I reply, giving another kiss.

"After you drop Prim off," kiss, "just stop by my house." Kiss. "We can hangout." Kiss.

"In the woods?" Kiss. Kiss. Nodding. "But I…"

"Please?" he pulls away and looks at me. "I won't make you climb a tree. I just want to be alone with you without worrying about other people." With a laugh, I shrug and then nod.

"I should probably try to sleep," I tell him quietly. With a nod he gives me one last lingering kiss, holding me gently and slowly stroking my cheek. "Goodnight Gale," I breathe, licking my lips.

"Oh, hell," he mutters before pressing another to my lips. "Don't _do_ that." I laugh and push him away, himself grinning. "Goodnight Madge." He watches as I grudgingly force myself into the house because I really don't want to. When I shut the door I peer out the window and he winks at be me before scurrying off down the yard.

This is when I decide I can't tell Gale that I've tested positive. I'm so in like with him that I can't tell him I'm dying. It's selfish of me, but I don't care. I'm not going to ruin one of the best things I've ever had.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Wow please don't hate me I'll explain it all later! Wah my heart shatters for Madge in so many ways. Also, I know this is a short-ish chapter but I really wanted to post it and yeah wow don't hate me please omg. Let me know.. what... you... thought? You'll understand! Please don't jump the gun! It'll all make sense!_


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: Manners.**

* * *

><p>"I know something's going on with you and Gale!" Prim says a little too loudly at piano the next day. Bristel peers from around the corner and smirks at us before continuing to clean. "Just tell me!"<p>

"Prim!" I hold a finger to her mouth. "Be quiet, would you?" My dad isn't home but we do have another maid upstairs and I really don't need this getting out. "I'll tell you, just be quiet, okay?"

She grins and crosses her arms. "Go on! Tell me!" Prim is literally bouncing in her seat and looking at me with wide expectant eyes. "I knew it! I knew it all along!"

"Can I trust you?"

"Yes!" She's nearly shouting. "Yes, Madge! You can trust me! I'm dying here!" I look back toward where I last saw Bristel and she shrugs.

"Well," I start, but then I feel my face heat up. This is mortifying. "He kissed me…" And then Prim squees and grabs my hand and starts bouncing again. "Shhh!" I laugh. "Umm, he's kissed me a few times?"

"I knew it! You love him!"

"Prim," I laugh, "I don't love him." I hear Bristel snicker and it makes me wonder if she thinks I do. I don't. Do I? No. No I can't. I don't love him. She rolls her eyes and goes back to tapping at the keyboard. I can't love him, I don't love him. You know when you love someone, right? "Prim? Is what you told me about Katniss true? That they were just friends?"

"Oh, yes," she nods, tap-tap-tapping away. "They're only friends. Besides, Katniss and Peeta are will be together when they get back, won't they?" My stomach twists; I don't want that to be the reason Gale stays with me. "I know Gale really likes you, Madge."

"And why's that?" I smile, leaning back on my hands.

"Because he always asks about you and boys only do that when they like you." I can't help but blush and watch as she doesn't even look up from her music. I love sitting here with Prim, especially because this is helping her so much, but I desperately want this lesson to go faster. Thinking of Gale's lips on mine from the night before at his midnight escapade makes my heart race and the excitement in my stomach bubble.

"What…what kind of things does he ask?"

"Oh you know," she shrugs. "Just things. He asks about you playing the piano a lot, or how your day was, or if you mentioned him…"

"Do you think things will change when Katniss gets back?" I wonder aloud, but I don't really mean to. I shouldn't be talking about these things with little ol' Prim. Her fingers pause over the keys and she looks up at me, smiling greatly. "What?" I laugh.

"You said when," she says happily. "Not if, when."

"Well of course," I say, tickling her side. "She'll be back before you know it."

* * *

><p>After dropping Prim off it takes all I have to not run to Gale's house. I don't know when he gets off but the sun is only just starting to go down, so hopefully soon. Maybe he's already home. Rory ushers me inside, grinning to see that I'm here, and tells me about how his mom took Posy and Vick for a walk, so it's just him there.<p>

"Do you know when Gale gets off?" I ask, glancing toward the clock and tapping my foot impatiently. Not that I don't mind waiting, but I really don't want to. I want to spend all of my time with him whether or not it's a stupid thing to do. Stupid test results. My father hasn't even mentioned them. Hasn't hinted at them once.

"Oh he's off," Rory waves his hand dismissively. "Right! Right, he said to tell you that he'd meet you at the place. I almost forgot!" My insides groan and I slink back in the couch. I have to cross the fence on my own? "What place?" he grins. Rory is just as Prim once described him, unbelievable. So nosy and prying but I don't even mind. He's such a good kid and it's great to see him smile. But like I said, I don't really want to wait here.

"Nowhere," I lie. "He's infuriating, you know?"

"Oh, I know," he smirks. "I guess I'll see you later, Madge." With an outward groan this time, I push myself from the couch.

* * *

><p>"I hate the woods," I mumble to myself, quickly leaping through the fate in case I die. "I hate this stupid electric fence," I mutter, kicking it. "I hate the Captiol," I say once I'm on the other side. "I hate the Hunger Games," I say to myself once I'm in the thickness of the trees. "I hate Cassius," I groan.<p>

"And I _love_ when you're angry," Gale's voice causes my heart to stop and I spin to meet him. He drops from a tree like a monkey and lands on both his feet, leaning back against the trunk and crossing his arms. "It's adorable." I charge at him and hit his chest angrily. "What was that for!" he laughs, attempting to back up a step, but the tree's there so I have him cornered.

"Sure, you won't make me climb a damn tree but you'll make me hop the fence by myself!"

Gale smirks and leans forward, kissing me quickly. "Sorry," he says slowly. "I was just dying to get out here. I didn't know how long you'd be."

"Why'd you want me out here anyways?" I ask stepping back as he leans in to kiss me again. He looks up and meets my eyes. "Hmmm?"

"I told you," he laughs, closing the distance between us quickly. "I wanted to do this," Gale leans in and kisses me gently, "without being worried about your dad." I press on my toes and reach for him but he backs up against the tree, saying "We kiss too much." With a scoff I drop back down to my feet. "We do!" he laughs. "There's more to a relationship than that." _Relationship_. The word makes me blush.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?" I pry. "Our _relationship_?"

"Sort of," he tells me. "The whole thing's just been bad timing. When Katniss gets home things'll be different."

"You said when," I smile, looking at the ground. It was the first thing I heard.

"You taught me how to," he replies. The second thing I heard becomes un-muddled in my head. Katniss. "What's wrong?" he asks, and I shrug. "Madge," now he steps closer and tugs my chin up gently.

"Katniss," I mumble. _But whatever he says, he loves Katniss_. "N-nothing." I look down embarrassed and take a step back. "Never mind." He sighs and does that thing where he plays with the tips of my hair before pushing it behind my ear. He does it a lot, and it's a simple gesture, but it always makes my stomach swirl.

"What about her, hm?"

"I just…" Now I'm the one pulling at the tips of my hair. "Nothing."

"Madge," he cracks a smile. "We're just friends. That's all we've ever been."

"Best friends," I mutter. "Things can change at any given moment. You don't feel the least bit jealous watching her with Peeta?" Gale shrugs but doesn't retain my gaze.

"Her life," he mumbles. If he could have chosen anything else to say I might have felt better. Her life? What about _my_life! The life I push myself through despite the inevitable decomposition of my brain! I don't want to be the backup plan.

"I don't want to be a second choice," I say fiercely, regaining my voice. I'm almost 100% sure my voice cracked and my eyes are verging on black. He looks up and smiles, slowly shaking his head.

"You aren't. You honestly think I'd act like this with Katniss?" He steps closer so I'm forced to crane my head to see him. Gale's hand travels to my waist and pulls me the small distance he left in between.

"I don't know," I say as he lowers his chin to my shoulder. "Just a few weeks… days! Days ago! You hated me!" He laughs and kisses my temple. "And now we're here…"

"I never hated you, Madge," he says, leaning back. "So much the opposite." He reaches up and trails my cheek with his fingertips and as hard as I try not to, I blush.

I work up the courage and whisper, "Then prove it." With a grin Gale swoops down, knocking out my knees but catching me in his arms. I laugh and wrap my arm around his neck as he carries me off into the woods.

* * *

><p>After a few minutes of him carrying me and me pressing teasing kisses to his jaw line, we come out on a clearing and he lets me down. Without hesitation he grabs my hand and pulls me to the ground, laying flat out and placing his hands behind his head, ushering me to join him.<p>

"What's with you and stars?" I laugh, finding my way to his chest. One of his hand snakes around me to my waist.

"What, you don't like stars?" Gale asks with a smile, his hand reaching up to play with my hair. There's something about him playing with my hair that sends shivers down my spine, something that only he can do. It's not even like he's playing with it, just spinning it through his fingers gently. He probably doesn't even know that he's doing it but it's all I can think about. The simple gesture which probably means nothing to him but gives me goosebumps every time.

"What makes watching the stars here any different from that other place?"

"Don't you feel freer here? Less confined?" I roll so my chin is on his chest and meet his eyes.

"I don't think being outside the fence is what makes me feel free," I whisper. He pushes himself up on his hands and I catch myself before I plummet. Without moment's pause he cups my face, pulling me and pressing his lips against mine. I can taste his breath, his hand tangles in my hair.

"I don't deserve you," he breathes against my lips, pulling me closer with every second. "Hell, I don't deserve you…"

"Don't say that," I plead, one of my hands wrapped around his neck, the other in his hair. "Gale, please don't say that." He starts kissing down my neck and nibbles on my collarbone, a hearty sigh escapes me. Wanting to give him the same explosion in the stomach that he gave me I nestle into his neck and kiss right below his ears.

"Only you," he shudders. "Only you can do this to me."

"Feeling's mutual," I reply before forcing my lips against him. He smiles into the kiss and my hand rests on his chest. If Katniss is the girl on fire then who am I? My body is in _flames_, I'm almost a hundred percent sure she doesn't know this feeling. This ache to touch his skin with only a thin shirt in the way. Does he get this same bubble I have in my chest?

I need to touch him, not his shirt, but his skin. My hand travels up under his shirt but he pushes it down without pause. For a moment I get lost in my thoughts as his tongue gains access to my mouth but then I remember I want more. I _need _more. So again my hand tries snaking up, tugging at his shirt, but he stops me again.

"Stop," he says gently, grabbing my hands between his. "Too fast?" he suggests, and I bite my lip.

"I just… wanted… not that, I just…" I sound overly embarrassing and can't tell him what I wanted. What I _want_, and that's to just touch him. He kisses me again with a smile and I fall backward into the grass so he's leaning over me. I'm still arched, one of my hands holding me up while the other desperately clings to him.

"I wouldn't be able to stop," he tells me, his voice hoarse. "Don't put me in that position." My fingernails dig into his arm as he ducks down and sucks on my neck.

"Gale," I moan and he stops, leaning forward and kissing me again quickly. "I… have to, I have to get… get, h-home…" my breathing is unsteady and I swear I'm seeing stars, not just the ones in the sky either. Purple and blue and pink sparkly stars blur my vision as I struggle to regain my thougts. With a sigh he throws his head back, and then pushes himself to his feet.

"This is inconvenient," he says, offering his hand. "Really, really inconvenient." When I pull myself to stand with him he laces his fingers with mine and keeps me close to his side. "Do you believe me?" he whispers, pressing his lips to my temple. All an act, all the hatred was the most wonderful act. I nod and he squeezes my hand. "Good."

* * *

><p>As he walks me home his hand stays linked with mine. Every time I pull it out he grabs it back. One time I even try to run so he can't and he chases after me, his arms wrapping around my stomach and pulling me backwards as I giggle. Every once in awhile he even kisses the side of my face.<p>

"We're in public," I mutter angrily, but there's no way I can stop smiling.

"You act like I _care_," he grins, swinging our hand back and forth. "What's that?" he asks, pointing to the mob forming in the town square.

"I don't know," I shrug, and then we're walking over to check it out. As we gradually get closer to more people his hand drops from mine, but I'm too curious at the crowd to notice.

"Gale! Madge!" I hear Thom's voice and we both snap our heads, finding him and Bristel toward the front. "Where've you two been?" The sight of Thom makes me happy. He's still in his work outfit and covered in soot and coal, but he's still Thom, bright and strong. It's been a few days, seeing him again makes me realize that it wasn't all just a dream. That this friendship I possess isn't made up inside my head.

"Busy," Gale replies, and I can't help but smirk. I'm sure Bristel catches it because even she wears a quick smile for a moment too. "What's going on?" Bristel grabs my arm and Thom pushes Gale's shoulder, forcing us to both look at the screens.

Projected all across town is Cato, the boy from D2, holding Peeta in a headlock on the Cornucopia. Instantly my hand searches for Gale's and he steps closer to me so I can grab his arm. Katniss snaps around, yanking out an arrow and aiming it at his head.

"Shoot me and he goes down with me," Cato laughs. I feel my nails dinging into Gale's arm but he doesn't flinch. They show Katniss' conflicting emotions and I bury my face into his arm. He protectively slides it around me and holds me close, but I still peak out through my hands.

And then everything happens so fast. The X on the hand, the arrow, the flipping backwards toward the ground. The crunch he makes on impact with the land makes me gag and Gale pulls tighter. Whispering soothing words in my ear. "They're gonna win," he tells me. "They're gonna come home." And I'm nodding and nodding but I keep thinking about how tragic that boys life must have been and his screams are echoing through the district and I feel like I'm gonna puke.

After another twenty minutes of standing there, closing my eyes against Gale and just focusing on his heartbeat, the peacekeepers say we should start clearing out. I catch a tuft of red hair peaking through one of the helmets and notice Darius watching me. He gives me a sympathy smile and then goes back to ushering people out. Katniss has made Peeta a tourniquet with her last arrow and Gale starts pulling me away from the square as Katniss cries Peeta's name, begging him to stay awake.

He starts leading me toward my house, Bristel and Thom right behind us, but I'm shaking my head and digging my feet into the ground. "I can't go home," I tell him. "I won't be able to sleep…" I just want to talk to Gale but Thom and Bristel are right there and now I feel awkward. I want to be back in the woods, protected, _free_...

"Hey," Gale steps in front of me and cups my face. "They're okay." He obviously doesn't mind his friends prying eyes, and that gives me comfort.

"His screams," I whimper, dropping my gaze and shaking my head again. They sounded too much like my aunts… "Gale, I can't." If I go home I'll have to be alone. There's nothing worse than being alone in this state of mind, this hopelessness and emptiness. I don't care if he was the biggest threat, the most vicious, it's the Capitols fault that he's that way. I think Bristel understands because she steps forward.

"I have to stop by your house anyway," she says. "I'll tell your dad you're out with a friend because you couldn't be by yourself tonight."

"Friend," Thom snorts, and Bristel shoves him.

"Whose name should I say?" she continues. "Also might I add that as of right now you still have school," she points toward me, "and you still have work," she points toward Gale. He shrugs and reaches for my hand, tugging me closer. I almost question when Bristel turned so strict, but as she watches his gesture she grins.

"Um, tell him Delly, but don't say anything unless he doesn't ask. He probably won't ask." She nods and then pulls Thom off toward my house, leaving me and Gale alone.

"Behave!" Thom shouts before Bristel hits him again.

"Well," he turns to me. "To my house it is."

"What about your mom?" I ask as we start to walk, but he shrugs. "She'll hate me."

"She'll understand," he smiles. "We'll sleep on the couch, okay? Leave the TV on all night just in case." And I haven't any reason to object.

* * *

><p>I fall asleep on Gale's chest, his thumb making circles on my hip where my shirt has ridden up. I fall asleep warm, nuzzled into his side. I fall asleep happy, not caring about anything but the way his rough hands feel against me.<p>

Gale nudges me awake as Katniss shoots the final blow, Cato's cannon echoing through the house. Everyone else is still asleep and we can't bring ourselves to wake them. "Let them be surprised when they wake up," he whispers, and I can't help but agree. His arm is comforting against my waist and he goes back to rubbing circles again, only to stop when the announcement is made. The announcement of only one victor. I feel my heart sink into my chest. Gale's jaw locks as he stares at the screen.

"No," I feel my eyes filling with tears. "This isn't happening, this can't be happening..."

"It was their plan all along," Gale spits out. "How could it not have been? They never wanted them both to live..." but then Katniss pulls out the berries. His jaw locks again and he pulls tighter on me. As much as I want to look away, I can't. I can't do it, they both put the berries in the mouth. Neither are coming home after all...

"Wait!" Templesmith is shouting, "Stop!" They spit the berries out as fast as they can and rinse their mouth with water.

Two victors.

The trumpets blare.

Gale grins, turning to face me and kissing me passionately. "They won," he laughs. "They actually won!" Then I'm laughing and kissing him again and again and again and we're not even paying any attention to the screen anymore. They're coming home. Katniss _and_ Peeta. They're coming home!

"Ahem," I hear Hazelle cough and both Gale and I jerk away from each other, glancing at the stairs where she stands with her arms crossed. Posy, Vick, and _Rory_ (he's never gonna let us live this down) stand peeking out behind her with grins on their faces, and then one creeps onto her face too.

We've won. District 12 has won, and not a single thing in the world is going to bring us down.

* * *

><p><em>AN: You know what that means! Katniss comes home! Dun dun DUHHH! So, just wanted to let you know that I love you all and your reviews are perfect and lovely and just wonderful. You always make my day. I'm on Spring Break soon so expect a few more chapters in the next two weeks or so. _


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: Angst ahead.**

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><p>"No, no, no! Everything is wrong!" The Capitol attendees that are in my house waving the maids around trying to get signs up are going to be the death of me. Nothing is ever the right angle, the right color, the right anything! Katniss and Peeta are getting back today and the entire town is bustling.<p>

Gale's still had to work and I haven't really gotten the chance to see him since Peeta and Katniss were declared Victors. He says he isn't nervous about them coming back, and that nothing's really going to change, but I don't believe him in either aspect. Despite his words of reassurance I haven't forgotten what Darius has told me, how Gale's always been in love with Katniss.

There's a difference between seeing someone on TV compared to seeing them in person. I know in my heart that Gale isn't going to like watching Peeta and Katniss kiss all the time. Darius' words follow me into nightmares and awful thoughts as I work through the day trying my hardest to be polite to the bubble heads that fill the room.

"Turn on the TV!" One of them shouts. "They're at the station! They're at the station!" As the rainbows of colors fill the room and the TV flickers on I look toward my dad, begging with my eyes. He nods slowly and I'm grateful he understands my plea. I have to be there to see them when they get off.

"Wait, Madge!" I turn to my father who's moving toward me. I bounce impatiently at the door with wide eyes as he reaches around and latches something around my neck. "For you." I look down and from my neck hangs a small golden mockingjay from a golden chain.

"Daddy!" I gasp and crane my neck to look at it. It's perfect, it looks exactly like the pin. Only this is mine, this is the constant reminder that I helped get her home in one way or another. "It's beautiful! Is this what you got at the jeweler?" I think back to how he ordered it before Katniss was even home and my grin broadens. He's had faith in her the entire time. He knew she'd be home.

He nods, "You really like it?"

"Yes!" I laugh. "It's perfect!"

"Good," he grins and places his hand on my shoulder. "Now go on." With a squee I throw my arms around him and then push away, racing toward the train tracks. I wonder if this is what he's going to do instead of telling me the results. Give me a shiny new necklace. Sure, I already know of my impending doom, but he's yet to say a thing to me. He thinks I'm in the dark and has been awfully kind to me since that file appeared.

From my house I can already hear the cheering and excitement is building up inside of me. First they greet their families and closer friends on the platform, then emerge on a balcony to wave to the crowd. That's where they must be now, the balcony. I try shoving my way through the crowd but they're a tough bunch.

"Madge! Madge, up here!" At the calling of my name the people in front of me step aside and I race to join the boy who called me. Jace is near the front and it helps that he's tall enough for me to see over other people. "Get out of her way, would you?" he snaps to a few teenagers a bit younger than us.

"Jace!" I laugh, finally running to him and grabbing his arm.

"Look," he points up with a smile. "They're home."

"They're home!" I yell, throwing my arms around his neck. With a laugh he picks me up and spins me around. The moment he drops me my eyes dart back up to the balcony where Katniss and Peeta stand hand in hand waving to everyone. The cheers around me are echoing in my head and I grab Jace's arm with a squeeze. I keep jumping up and down to try and get their attention and finally Peeta spots me.

I can't hear him but I see him mouth my name and then he's waving to me, his grin broadening. He points me out to Katniss who instantly looks at me, lifting her hair from her shoulder to show me the pin she still wears. Then she blows me a kiss. I reach up and catch it and then she laughs, and Peeta laughs, and I'm still squeezing Jace's arm with a grin. They're home.

* * *

><p>The party held in my house is far too crowded. It's a week after they've gotten home and they've been in the district, but I haven't seen them once. They're too busy doing interviews and making appearances and attending parties even I'm not high up enough to attend. I feel awkward shoving around people I don't know, all I want to do is see my friends. A view from a balcony isn't good enough for me. Peeta's the first one I see and of course, he's at the dessert table.<p>

"Peeta!" I call, and he looks up instantly, his eyes meeting mine. Instead of waiting for him to walk to me I run to him, throwing my arms around his neck. "Sweet Capitol I don't even know what to say!"

"Hey Madge," he laughs, releasing me gently and readjusting himself on his leg. "I don't know what to say either." And then I hug him again and he laughs. "You know, when I told you to make sure my father didn't burn down the shop I didn't expect you to _tell him_ I said that."

"Sorry!" I laugh, "I was just making conversation."

"Sheesh, you could have at least told him my mom really isn't good at the cakes. Have you seen them?" I go to tell him that he knew that, but then Katniss walks over and I run into her arms without even him.

"Katniss!" I yell, squeezing her tighter than Peeta. This time it isn't to force my love into her like before she was shipped off, but to show her how much I love her now and that she's safe.

"Oh, Madge," she sighs, hugging back. She releases me and smiles, "I never… I can't…" Katniss isn't good at using words.

"I know," I reply gently. She doesn't even have to say anything. I know she never viewed us as close as I did, but she was still… _is_ still the closest friend I have. Maybe Bristel is filling her spot, but I don't know. I can't tell. Perhaps Katniss hasn't always been there for me, and she never thought us to be friends, but I think she does now. I hope so anyway. Maybe we can actually try to work at it now instead of just sitting with each other at lunch. The shame in that is she doesn't have to go to school anymore. We all continue to make small talk as they ask about the district and their hands slowly find each other's again. It makes me feel kind of lonely.

"Any boys?" Katniss suddenly teases. Maybe she caught me looking at their hands, because I definitely was looking. However, it kind of startles me considering Katniss was never like this before, but then I see her eyes scan behind me at one of the cameras nearby. Of course she doesn't actually care, she never would, but it's all a show. A game she has to keep playing despite being out of the arena.

"Oh," I blush. "N-no. No boys. You know my father."

"And I know you!" Peeta laughs. "Like you'd listen to him. You were standing with Jace in the crowd, hm? I'm friends with him you know."

"Yeah, we stood together," I muster out. "But, no, I didn't know you two were friends."

"Well you do now," he grins. "Jace is a good guy, Madge!"

"I'm not…! Jace and I aren't… we… no!" Katniss smirks and looks at the ground and Peeta continues to grin. "You two are unbelievable," I scoff with a smile. Then I wave goodbye and turn around to find my father and ask when this stupid thing over. Gale told me he wanted to see me tonight and I'm not one to object, although I probably should. I feel as though he's squeezing me in as often as possible because Katniss is back, but maybe he isn't. I don't know. I can't speak for him in that aspect. He refuses to talk about the situation at all, honestly, and it's quite irritating.

As I turn to search for my father I smack right into the chest of the one and only, Jace.

"Hey!" he laughs as I fumble backwards. "Going somewhere?" I'm not even five feet away from Peeta and Katniss and I can hear them snickering. At least, Peeta is. I think Katniss is eating something.

"To find my father," I answer quickly.

"Just saw him," he tells me. "Talking to some guy with frantic green hair." Then in a whisper he adds, "Kind of terrifying if you want the truth." I laugh and hit his shoulder, and then hear Peeta chuckle again. "I'll help you find him if you'd like."

"Thanks but I know my way around my own house," I smile, and so does he. Damn you, Peeta! I don't need a stinking reminder that Jace is a good guy, I _know_ he is! It's just natural with him! Nothing to work at! And then he looks at me with those stupid green eyes and that stupid precious smile just all friendly like… kill me. This is ridiculous.

"Alright well you can always ask if you get lost," he teases, and then I roll my eyes and walk away as he winks. There's nothing going on with me and Jace, he's just a friend. I'm not-dating-but-dating Gale. Come on, Madge, I just have to keep reminding myself that! But then my stomach sinks and I know I shouldn't even have to remind myself. I should just know, but I don't.

* * *

><p>"Hey you," I exhale when I get to our secret spot that night. He's got his hands in his pockets and is leaning back against a tree, his mining clothes still on. "Sorry I'm late, my dad wouldn't let me leave." He hasn't started toward me yet, which is odd. Gale usually saunters right up to me and scoops me into his arms, but not tonight. Something's off.<p>

"Pretty necklace," he says as I get closer. For some reason it makes me pause in my step. It reminds me too much of the day of the Reaping. I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not.

"Thanks," I say quietly, slowing my steps toward him. "My dad got it for me." As I step close enough he reaches forward and toys it between his fingers.

"Solid gold?"

"I don't know," I say truthfully. "Does it matter?" He shrugs and drops it, the pendant hitting my chest with a thud.

"You look nice," he notes, eyeing my outfit. I get goosebumps but not in the way that he usually gives them to me. It's because he's not looking at me like he would look at his girlfriend, he's looking at me the way he would look at a townie.

"I had to dress up for the party," I tell him. He nods in understanding and I look down at my clothes. I haven't had time to change so I'm still in a light blue party dress that falls right above my knees. Instead of sleeves it's just straps that show off my shoulder, and I guess I was wrong thinking that Gale might like it. "Are you okay?" He shrugs and leans back against the tree again.

Suddenly he asks, "Why do you like me?" It's so out of the blue I have to pause for a second before I respond. And my response isn't anything like it should have been.

"What?"

After another pause and a long sigh he asks again, "Why do you like me, Madge?"

"Be-because I do?" I step back and cross my arms over my chest out of insecurity. "What do you mean?"

"There's a reason, isn't there?"

"Well of course there is," I snap. With another sigh he runs his hand through his hair and looks off toward the left before looking at me again. "Gale, what's going on?" He shrugs and diverts his eyes to the ground. "I like you because you make me smile." I tell him. "Because you're determined and brave." He scoffs and I watch as he rolls his eyes. "I like you because you make me feel safe. Because I don't know anyone else that makes me feel like you do."

"Except Jace?" he suggests quietly, but I can still hear the anger in his voice.

"What the hell are you talking about? I told you that we're just friends!"

"Yeah, well, I saw you two," he snaps, bringing his gaze up to mine. "The way you ran to him when the trains got here. Clinging to his arm…" The disgust in Gale's voice makes me take another step back and he shakes his head. "Why do you like _him_?"

"I _don't_!" I hiss, taking another step back. "What's gotten into you?"

"Don't act stupid, Madge, I know you're not stupid. I see how you look at him."

"And how the hell is that?"

"Like you care about him." Of course I care about him. He saved me from Cassius. He's basically the only town friend I have, the only person willing to stick up for me in public.

"And maybe I do!" I stomp forward angrily, but then drop my voice. "But not the same way I care about you. The fact that you think I would stoop so _low_…"

He cuts me off, charging forward, "You had your hands all over him! He _spun you around_. Then you two walked away and you were _still_ holding his arm!"

"Are you jealous?" I ask, my face still scowling. It's the only thing I can think of at the moment.

"Jealous," he scoffs. "Yeah, definitely." Sarcasm echoes in his voice and it takes all I have not to reach forward and smack him.

"I thought you trusted me," I spit. "I'm sorry I'm not allowed to have male friends without you thinking I mess around with them."

"I never said that," he jabs his finger at me. "Not _once_ did I say _any_ of that."

"You implied it!" I bark back, and he drops his hand. We watch each other for a long time, my eyebrows creased down and his up. He probably didn't expect me to argue back, which doesn't make sense. Like I'd go down without a fight. "Why are you calling me out on something so stupid?" I ask quietly.

"It's not stupid, Madge…"

I cut him off, "Like hell it isn't. This isn't about Jace."

"You're right it's about-" He's going to say me, but it isn't about me. And it isn't about Jace. And it isn't even about him. It's about her.

"Katniss." I finish for him. "Isn't it?" He squints at me and I throw my hands up, a laugh of hysteria escapes me. "Of course it's about Katniss!" My voice is picking up and he slowly starts shaking his head. "It's always about Katniss! Always has been! Who else could it be about?"

"What does our relationship have anything to do with her?"

"Everything!" I yell. "Damnit, Gale! Everything!" He clenches down on his jaw and again his gaze diverts from me. "You're scared."

"Of _what_?" He retorts.

"She's back!" I laugh, but the laugh coming from me isn't funny. My insides are shattering as I speak. "She's back and it's killing you to see her with Peeta."

"When did I…"

"And now you don't know what you're going to do about it so you decide get angry at me over _nothing_. Right?"

"Madge," he steps forward toward me, but I take another step back. Now the sensitive Gale comes out, eh? His face drops and he looks like his heart's been ripped out. I won't take this, I refuse to tolerate this.

"Don't _Madge_ me!" That's when I hear my voice crack, but I keep going. "Admit it! Admit that you're scared."

"But I'm not!" he booms back, and yet I can tell there isn't much fury in it. In one swift motion he closes the distance between us and goes to press his lips against mine. I sigh and jerk my head to the left so it gets cuts off and he ends up pressed against my cheek. "Madge," his voice is powerless as he tries to get me to look at him. But I won't. I can't. I can feel myself trembling and so I take a step back from him, running shaky hands through my hair as my eyes prick with tears.

"You act like I don't know you," I say harshly, for a moment I can't even believe it's my voice that I'm hearing. "But I do."

"What do you want me to do?" he finally asks. "Huh? I'll do it. Just say it and I'll do it." I'm shaking my head and my eyes are off on the ground and I can feel a tear strolling down my cheek. "Madge," he steps forward again. "I'll do it. What do you want me to do? I'll prove it."

"I just," again my voice isn't mine, but it isn't harsh anymore. It's empty and weak and swallowing hurts and I feel like I'm getting broken up with but I'm the one talking, not him. And we're not breaking up, we're just arguing. Right?

"I can give you space," he says gently, although I know he doesn't want to. "Do you want that? To figure things out?"

"If anyone needs to figure things out it's _you_," I reply.

"No," he's shaking his head and pulling me toward him. "I know what I want. I want you."

"But you don't," I groan, wiping at my eyes. "You don't want me, you never did."

"That's not true!"

"I've always been plan B. A back up."

"You weren't ever a plan in the first place!" he says exasperatedly. "I _never_ thought this would happen! Never thought in my right mind that I'd end up with you!" I bite at the inside of my cheek as he desperately tries to get me to look at him, but I can't. I can't look at him. I can't swallow. I can't breathe. I can't think. All I can comprehend is the copper stinging my taste buds. "It was _always_ Katniss! Katniss had always been my plan until she wasn't anymore!" With those words I jerk up and make eye contact with him. I see in his eyes that wasn't what he meant to say.

Slowly I say, "I'm going home." I pull my eyes away from his and look toward the sky, although I'm not looking. I'm just looking up. People say looking up prevents you from crying. But I think that's made up. It has to be made up. "Let me know when you figure things out."

"Madge," he lunges after me as I start to walk away but then I jerk my wrist out of his grasp, folding my arms tightly over my chest. "Is this it? Are we over?" he calls, and I turn back to him, still unable to meet his gaze. "Because I don't want us to be." My chin is quivering and I know if I say anything it'll come out as a choked sob. Instead I shake my head no, because despite knowing I'll never be her I can't give up. I refuse to give up. And yet at the same time I've never wanted to give up more in my life.

Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes I tell him, "When my parents used to fight they'd go a few days without talking to each other. They'd just collect their thoughts, and then finally at the end they'd tell the other everything they had thought about, everything they wanted to say."

"Is that what you wanna do?" he asks, and I shrug. "Sunday?" he suggests. It's exactly a week away, considering today's also Sunday. "We can meet at the Hob, yeah? Sunday morning?" I sniffle and wipe my nose with the back of my hand. I nod weakly and a flimsy smile flickers onto his face. "I'm gonna prove you wrong."

"I hope so," I say just loud enough so that he can hear me, and then I turn on my heel and make my way out of our patch of woods.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Wow, sorry it's been a few days! Every time I tried writing this it ended up wrong, but I think I might like it now. I mean, I'm posting it so hey, haha. Anyway... we're getting into Catching Fire. I apologize for their first real fight, but it had to happen! Although I hated it and it made me upset, it flows with the books. My poor Madge. And my poor Gale. They're both so confused... sigh. Relationships and conflicting feelings. Enjoy. x _


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: Mostly filler chapter **

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><p>My fingers pound out a rhythm I've never even heard before and I soak up the sound. I wish Prim was sitting next to me and playing instead of me playing alone. I've barely seen her since Katniss got home, but I can't blame her considering she's spending as much time as possible with her. Bristel is avoiding me like the plague, I feel like I've barely at all spoken in the past few days. I haven't even seen Gale let alone thought about what I wanted to say to him. Maybe I don't want to say anything to him. I slam harder on the keys because I know that's not true, I have to say something to him and I want to I just don't know what. I don't know where to even begin. I know if I want to be with him I have to accept being second, but I can't do that, but I want to be with him.<p>

I hate boys. I have never been more conflicted in my entire life.

"Slow down, Madge!" Kasen calls from the kitchen. "You're going to break the thing!"

"Good," I mumble back, slamming my fists on the keys. "I hate it." But that's a lie, if I broke my piano I'd probably hate life more than anything.

"Sure," he smirks, coming into the sitting room with a tray. "Here, have a cookie." Considering Bristel's been avoiding me due to the fight with Gale, and Peeta and Katniss are still wrapped up in being glorified for the world to see, I've been talking to the others workers in the house. I select a cookie from the tray and bite into it, sugar and cinnamon swirling my senses.

"Delicious," I sigh with my mouth full, shoving the rest into it. "You, my good sir, have talent."

"Hence the reason your father hired me," he grins, taking a bite of one himself. He settles himself on the edge of the couch and I turn to him, snatching another cookie from the tray. "You should go out and do something, worries me to see you cooped inside."

"Not feeling it," I mutter, cookie still in my mouth.

"I have a daughter," he tells me. "She's younger than you, sure, but only by a few years."

I groan, "Kasen, I don't need a pep talk! You're a chef, not a therapist!"

"Right, and you're a teenage girl. Go act like one." A knock at the door startles us both and he places the tray down on the table before hurrying over to answer it. I recline onto the piano bench and stare at the fan that spins circles on the ceiling. "Yes, she's here," Kasen's voice carries over from the next room. I groan again and shove the rest of the cookie in my mouth, wiping away crumbs quickly. "Please, come in."

The guest saunters into the room, their footsteps confidence. I force myself up on the bench and he raises an eyebrow at me. Of course the other person I've been trying my hardest to avoid decides to knock on the door. "Did I disturb a nap?" Jace teases. I roll my eyes at him and slide off the bench, smoothing my dress across my thighs. I've been dressing up nicer lately on account of the cameras that keep swooping in. Every opportunity is a chance to impress those in the Capitol.

"Would it matter if you did? You wouldn't be sorry."

"I resent that," he laughs, leaning against the arm of the couch. "I'd apologize profusely." Kasen has moved from doorway and back into the kitchen, but lack of movement makes me think he's eavesdropping.

"Is there something I can help you with?" I ask, sitting back on the edge of the piano bench considering he sat too.

"Yeah, actually, I have to get you to an audition."

"An audition?"

He nods, "For the recital." I go to snap about how no one ever told me about an audition but he quickly says, "There's been an increase of district pride due to our winners and many people want to participate now, therefore limiting spots and causing people to audition."

I groan, "Do I have to?"

"I walked all the way out to your house to get you to do this stupid thing, so yes, you have to." I glance toward the kitchen where Kasen is peering out of the kitchen and wagging his eyebrows. "Come on, Madge, we can even get ice cream or something afterwards." Ice cream? Isn't that, like a date? Kasen is nodding profusely and just to spite him I glare quickly in his direction. He smirks and then sinks back into the depths of the kitchen.

"I'm sure someone else can play the piano in my place," I tell him, but he shakes his head.

"No one's taking your place. You're the best, and you're coming." He grabs my wrist with a smirk and pulls me toward the door. "Don't make me beg."

"I'll go _if_ you beg." Then he instantly legs go of my wrist and collapses to his knees. Jace latches his hands together and sticks out his lower lip.

"Madge, I'm _begging_ you. You're the only one in the entire thing with talent! You don't understand! Do my ears a favor!" With a laugh I lightly push him toward the door and he scurries up to stand. "_Thank_ you."

* * *

><p>"I'm nervous," I admit, peering through the curtains at the crowd. This isn't even the recital and a huge mob has formed to watch. Jace gently squeezes my shoulder and says something about how talented I am, but I can't really hear him. "I'm gonna puke."<p>

"Madge," he laughs. "No you aren't."

"There're so many people," I squeak, and again he laughs. "What do I do?"

"Pretend I'm the only one in the crowd?" he suggests. "Like that one time you played for Barrett and me."

"But I was nervous then too!" I say quickly, and he raises an eyebrow. "Shut up," I push him angrily before stumbling out onto the stage. So much for grace.

"Name," they mutter, barely loud enough that I can hear them. Hello! I'm the mayors daughter, are you blind?

"Madge Undersee," I reply quietly. I hear Jace off to the side whisper something like _louder _and then I say again, "Madge Undersee!" The man with the clipboard smiles, and then I tell him I'm playing the piano.

"Good," he tells the person next to him. "She's not auditioning to play, she's just playing. I like her!" I take a deep breath and smile curtly at the judges, and then make my way to the piano bench. This piano isn't pristine like mine, it's a little older. The bench wavers under my weight and I suddenly become paranoid that it's going to collapse midway through the song and I'm going to humiliate myself immensely.

What kind of music do judges like? Depressing music? Exciting music? Music that makes it sound like it's raining outside? Music they've never heard before? I look up toward backstage and Jace smiles kindly at me, giving me a quick nod. Hell, it doesn't matter what kind of music they like. I play for me.

I pick a piece that most people haven't heard. I have it memorized mainly because it's one of my favorites to play, the way the tune tinkles up high and dives down low. Every once in awhile I get lost in the melody and a gasp of the crowd or a light applause pulls me back and reminds me that I'm playing for an audience. Finally, my song comes to an end and I push myself away from the piano quickly. I don't even look toward Jace.

"Yeah, Madge!" a little voice shouts, a voice that can only belong to Prim. After her cheer, the entire audience bursts into applause. Rory, who's sitting next to Prim (that sly little dog!), even lets out a whistle. I can't suppress the grin on my face and I curtsy as fast as I can and scurry off the stage. The applause carries as I make my way to backstage and I'm definitely blushing.

"Just a wild guess," Jace says when I get to him, "but I think you'll make the recital."

* * *

><p>"You never told me you were friends with Peeta," I say after swallowing a hunk of chocolate ice cream. I decided ice cream wasn't a date, considering I have a not-boyfriend-boyfriend. Plus, I was still shaking from playing in front of all those people and needed something to calm down.<p>

"Really? I thought I mentioned it once or twice," Jace replies, licking around the cone before his mint chocolate chip drops over the edge.

"Nope, must have slipped your mind." He shrugs, and continues eating his ice cream. I wonder if he purposely didn't mention Peeta or if he actually forgot. I mean if I had known he was friends with Peeta I probably would have been more inclined to talk to him in the first place, but he never told me. He just acted like he didn't care either way, but he must've. You've got to if you're watching one of your friends fight to the death while the other tribute seems more inclined to win.

"Are you alright?" he finally asks. Clearly I've been lost in my thoughts. We've been sitting on this bench for the past ten minutes and I've been going through random bouts of talking and just sitting quietly staring at the rocks on the ground. "You seem… conflicted?"

"Why was the last part a question?"

"Because I can't figure out if conflicted is the best term, maybe confused… maybe you're just tired. I don't know." He pauses, then adds, "That's why I asked."

I sigh and consider chucking my cone at the ground, but decide against it. "I don't know either," I admit. "Maybe all three." I resort to kicking a few of the rocks on the ground so they travel into the road. Jace just watches quietly and then takes the last bite of his cone, wiping his mouth.

"You can talk about it if you want, it's not like I'll tell anyone."

"I don't think you would," I mumble. "I just don't like talking about it."

"Well it might help," he suggests. "But you don't have to." The fact that he's always enforcing the fact that it's up to me is somewhat comforting. Sometimes, though, I wish he'd just ask. Make me tell him. Is it possible to be too nice? Because I think Jace might be. Gale would demand to know, tease me until I told him. Why am I comparing the two? They're completely different.

After another minutes pause and me finishing my ice cream I ask, "Have you ever liked someone, but you're not entirely sure if they liked you?"

He laughs and crosses his arms, leaning back on the bench. "Oh yes."

"It's frustrating," I sigh. "Like, you want to believe you're important to them but you're nearly a hundred percent sure that they like someone better than you."

"Story of my life," Jace mutters under his breath, but I barely catch it.

"Do you have the same problem?" I ask, turning to him. He had already been watching me and he drops his arms from across his chest.

He smirks, "Yeah, kind of."

"I feel like I should give up." I cross my arms and lean back like he is. "Are you going to give up? What do I do?" Then I groan. "I feel ridiculous asking you for advice."

He laughs, "Why? I'm a sensible person!" I shrug and he nudges me with his elbow. "I'm not giving up just yet." He hesitates, but then adds, "You shouldn't either. I mean if you like the guy then fight for him."

"Are you fighting for the girl?" I ask with a teasing grin, and then he grins too.

"I like to think I am, in sneaky subtle ways."

"Do I know her?" I press, and I swear he blushes. "Tell me everything!" It's not like Katniss would talk about things like this with me, and Bristel is out of the picture for now. How do boys even view girls?

"Madge," he groans, throwing his head back and staring at the sky. "Has anyone told you that you're nosy?"

With a laugh I say, "Yes. Pretty much everyone. Now tell me!" I prod, poking his stomach. He flinches and scoots away laughing about how he's ticklish or something. "Oh, come on Jace!"

"Yeah, you know her," he grudgingly tells me. "Or maybe you don't," he adds quickly. "I don't know."

"Well what's her name?" He wags his finger at me and makes that _tsk tsk_ noise and I laugh. "Okay, okay, you don't have to tell me. What's she like?"

"Nosy!" he says again, but he goes on anyway. "She's nothing like I thought she'd be, that's for sure. She… she's loud and opinionated and really pretty…" he trails off for a second, but then adds, "I like her a lot more than I should."

"She sounds nice," I smirk, and so does he. It's a basic summery of how anyone would say a person is, but at least he called her pretty instead of sexy or something that would make me annoyed. And he pointed out personality traits, which is good! Most boys are all about the looks these days.

"You have no idea."

"Well," I say, pushing myself up from the bench, "best of luck." He follows and stands after me, walking me home like a proper gentleman.

"And to you," he says quietly, almost like he doesn't mean it, and taps me with his elbow. After we walk for a few feet he says, "You never told me about your boy."

"He's an asshole," I reply quickly, and Jace lets out a hearty laugh. "I'm serious, he really is."

"Sounds like a charmer."

I laugh, "Oh yes, of course." I sigh and shake my head, "I don't even know why he likes me."

"Oh now don't say that,"

"We're so _different_," I drag on as he slides his hands into his back pockets. "I'm stupid for thinking we'd ever work out."

"Sounds like you've already given up," he notes, and I shrug.

"I don't want to but I feel like I should."

"Well if you don't want to then don't," he says. "You never struck me as the lazy type…"

"I'm not lazy!" Why does everyone call me lazy? I'm not!

"Then why ya giving up? Madge, you doubt yourself way too often. It's cruel."

"Cruel?"

"Vicious! Totally immoral! You're so much better than that! You know it, too. You could have anyone in the entire district!"

"Stop," I laugh, my face flaring up. "That's not true."

"Hell if it isn't. Anyone to say otherwise is stupid."

"_You're_ stupid," I smirk.

Then he shrugs, "Says you."

* * *

><p>"Daddy?" I call up the stairwell, "Whose flowers are these?" They're sitting on the kitchen table in a glass vase, an entire collection of flowers I've never even seen before.<p>

"He's not home," Bristel scurries into the dining room. "And they're yours."

"I didn't know you were talking to me," I mutter, plopping into one of the seats so I can admire the flowers more. Beautiful pinks and mysterious blues…

"I'm trying to stay neutral," she replies, sitting next to me. "They're from Gale." I jerk my head to look at her and she shrugs. "He dropped them off this morning after you left." I snap back to look at the flowers, of course they're from him. Who else could they be from? They don't sell flowers like this in the square; you can't even find flowers like this in books about our district.

"He's infuriating," I tell her.

Again, she shrugs. "Maybe so, but he's crazy about you." With a groan I throw my head back against the wooden chair. My head pounds and I curse under my breath. This is ridiculous! At least he's trying, right? Maybe I should be trying harder than this instead of out in town with another boy.

But I don't like him! And he doesn't like me! We're just friends! But not Gale… Gale's more than a friend. He'll always be more. I can't settle for just friends anymore. And I have so much to say to him, like how his hands make me feel safe, and how he's always warm and it makes me warm too, and how every time he kisses me my heart dives into my stomach and I can't focus on anything and how I honestly can't understand how I'm still alive after he whispers in my ear and plays with my hair. But all that's physical, I also have to tell him how it drives me insane when he teases me and how I pretend like I'm not a fan of his sarcasm but I secretly love it and how whenever he talks about his family or hunting or anything that he's passionate about I'm secretly swooning because he's so determined and devoted and now I'm just rambling.

Sweet Capitol. I'm crazy about this boy, too. I've just gotta prove it.

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><p><em>AN: Sorry for the filler / too much Jace. Seriously people, I understand this is Gadge, and Gale is always going to be endgame. Calm down my loves, not all relationships are perfect and wonderful. Sunday will be next chapter aka where they meet up again... and some of you reviewed wondering about the timeline, oh yes, your timeline was spot on. It's _that_ Sunday. How... not exciting. Enjoy!_


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: Spring break has allowed me to write all day, hence the fast update.**

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><p>How early is morning? Because it's around eight and I've never been more nervous in my life. The Hob is terrifying when I'm alone, everyone is looking at me like I'm either lost or going to arrest everyone. It's also huge, where am I supposed to find one stinking person!<p>

"Madge?" I snap around hoping to find Gale, but instead a red headed tease smirks back at me. "What on earth has got you up so early? Meeting a hunter, perhaps?"

"Shut up, Darius," I smile. "I've never been here alone before."

"I can tell," he laughs, scooting the chair out from next to him and patting it. "But I was right, wasn't I? Where is that boy?" I feel an involuntary blush rise to my cheeks as I glance out the windows and shrug. "Any reason for the early morning escapade?"

"We got in a fight," I tell him. I mean, why shouldn't I? "And we agreed to meet here this morning, I just don't know when. I hope I'm not too early or something. I don't know when he hunts and gets back and ugh," I throw my head back. "I'm ridiculous; I should have just stayed home."

"Stop that," Darius laughs handing me his cup of coffee. "You're just tired. You even look tired."

"I do?" I start rubbing at my eyes and combing my fingers through my hair. "I haven't seen him in a week and I look tired, this is not going to go well."

"I'm joking! Calm down!" Darius is giddy at watching my meltdown. I just want everything to be perfect. I tossed and turned all night last night trying to think of what I'm going to say and I finally have it all figured out. "So while we're passing time would you please explain to me your relationship so I can further understand it?"

"You'll laugh at me," I mutter, and he just continues to grin. "Stop!" I hit him, and as predicted, he laughs.

"I just think it's strange! The mayor's daughter with the illegal hunter boy from the Seam."

"Shouldn't matter," I snap at him. "Whatever, I'm not telling you anything."

"I'm just trying to help," he says softly, but the smile still plays on his lips. "Listen, I know you can't necessarily talk to everyone in the world about this and I find myself a neutral party therefore I'm able to give advice perfectly and be a wonderful listener."

"Well I don't need advice, Darius." Then I sigh, "Right now. I don't need advice right now." He lounges back in the chair and scoops the cup of coffee away from me. He's right, I need another person that can listen to this. Like I've said before, I can't talk to Prim. Rory is out of the question, so is Katniss. Katniss is totally out of the question. And therefore that makes Peeta out of the question. And Jace by association. Bristel is claiming to be neutral but she's known Gale longer so I doubt I can tell her anything either. So I need Darius. He can be the big brother I've always wanted. That would be nice.

"So are you going to tell me or not?" he presses, and then I smirk. "There we go."

Truth be told I've been dying to talk about it, so I just jump right in. The Hob is busy and no one even pays me a second glance when they notice I'm sitting with Darius. He waggles his eyebrows at all the right moments and nudges me with his elbow teasingly. The sun has dragged itself into the sky by the time I get to the fight.

"Do you think I overstepped?" I ask, and he shakes his head. "I was just being honest about how I felt… right?

"Right."

"But then he brought me flowers and it seems like he's really making an effort… maybe I was wrong about…"

"Madge," Darius says suddenly, cutting me off, but I'm on a roll and I keep talking.

"…maybe you were wrong about Katniss too, I mean they are really good friends but…"

"Madge," he says more forceful this time, causing me to finally stop talking.

"What?" I snap. He's got his gaze focused out the window on Gale and Katniss. At first it kind of makes me happy, they're talking like they used to, like friends. But then, out of nowhere… he just… leans in… and he… he…

"Madge," Darius reaches over and grabs my hand, willing me to look away. But it's like a drug… like an accident. When something tragic happens, you _can't_ look away. I can't look away. The way her hand curls up and rests against his chest. The way he leans protectively over her. The way they fit so perfectly together… the way they look like they were made for each other…

"I-I'm going home," I say quickly, finally tearing my eyes from the two. But I can't get myself out of the seat, I'm frozen. I can't even…

"Madge, I'm so sorry…" I'm shaking. I'm frozen. I can't see. I can't breathe. I can't… I can't… "Want me to walk you home?" I'm nodding, and shaking my head, and I don't know. What do I want? What am I doing? "Come on," he lifts my elbow and scoots me out of the chair. "Let's go." Should I be crying? I feel like I should be crying, but I'm not. It's like those dreams again, like I'm paralyzed.

Darius is literally dragging me out because I can't move on my own. It's like I'm in a trance. Like, ha. I am in a trance. It keeps replaying in my head and that's all I see. Their lips against each others. Gale's lips against Katniss'. His. His lips. They're supposed to be mine, supposed to belong to me. Mine. He's supposed to be mine, not hers. And she's supposed to be Peeta's. And I'm supposed to be loved, not her. Why is everything about her?

"I don't wanna go home," I tell him after we've started walking. "I can't go home."

"Where do you want to go, then?" he asks. He's very patient with me. I wonder if he's even off duty. "Hey," he grabs my chin. "Where do you want to go?" He's pulled my chin so I'll look at him but even then I zone out and stare at the trees behind him, searching them as if they'll give me something to tell him. But I don't answer him, because I don't know where I want to go, so then he starts pulling me along again. We make our way to the peacekeepers homes and I know he's taking me to his house.

"You were right," I croak as we walk. He shoves open his door and flickers on the light. I make my way to the couch, shaking my head. "I should've listened to you… I should've…"

"Stop it," he says lightly. I figured Darius would jump all over the opportunity to say _I told you so_, but he doesn't. Instead he sits next to me and lightly says, "I was wrong."

"Obviously not!" I laugh, but it's not funny, and he knows it's not funny so he doesn't laugh. Hell, I'm going crazy. I just start laughing. Laughing hysterically. I can tell Darius is concerned from his creased eyebrows and tight lips, but I can't stop laughing. And slowly, the laughter fades into short, breathy sobs. Tears burst from my eyes and I bury my face into my hands, collapsing on myself over my knees. "Should've… known…" I choke out. Swallowing is getting harder and harder to do.

When I look back up, tears still blurring my vision, Darius hands me a small white cup. Steam rises from the top of it, and I question as to when he made this. But it's obvious it's been awhile since I've been here and I snatch it from his hand, sipping at it and wiping my eyes with the back of my sleeves.

He says nothing, just watches me, but it doesn't make me uncomfortable. In fact, I barely notice. All I can think about is how Katniss, the spectacular girl on fire, the girl who brought home two Victors, the girl who Peeta _and_ Gale both love, the Mockingjay, doesn't even know what she's doing to me. And we're supposed to be friends. Maybe if she knew she wouldn't have done anything. But then another disastrous thought hits me, Gale kissed her! It wasn't the other way around! _He_ kissed _her_! And my heart shatters all over again and tears flood down my cheeks.

"It'll be alright," Darius says gently, but that's all he says. I turn to him for more, my face contorted into some odd form, but he says nothing. I sniffle and place my cup down on his glass table. I glanced around for a coaster but didn't see anything.

"Why?" I croak, placing my head in my hands again. "I thought he… he…" my voice is hoarse and doesn't even sound like it belongs to me. But it does, and I feel foreign. "Why would he kiss her?"

"I don't know, Madge." Darius says my name a lot, but I guess that's something I need. To be reassured that he's talking to me, that I'm the one who needs to be listening. "I don't know."

"Am I not good enough?" Instead of answering, he stays quiet. Again. Because he knows whatever he says isn't going to help. "Why am I never good enough? No matter what I do!" My cheeks start to dry but there's still a haze in my vision. Anger, however, is bubbling out of me. "It's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair," he tells me. "But I have faith in you."

"Why?" I snap around to face him. "Why would you have faith in _me_?"

"Because you're strong," he shrugs. "It's simple. You've been pushed off your pedestal and you're just going to climb it again. It might take you a few days, maybe weeks or months, but you'll be on top again." I wipe at my nose and then retract my glare, staring down at the carpeted floor of his house.

"How do you know?" I mumble quietly.

"Because we're a lot alike, and if I did it then so can you." I look toward him out of the corner of my eye, but I decide to not turn like before. "I was engaged once." Nope, that gets me to turn. I try meeting his eyes but he's pulled a me and is zoning out toward the carpet. "Don't even laugh," he points at me, meeting my eyes with a smile for a moment, but then looks back toward the ground. "She lived in the Capitol, no less."

"Did you love her?"

"I was engaged to her," he says. "I think I loved her." He pauses for a long time, then finally closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, sliding back to lounge on the arm of the couch. "I did something stupid." I know he's not going to tell me what and I know better than to ask. "I always thought I could get away with things. I don't know why. But things were different once I joined the peacekeepers."

"What happened to her?" I ask faintly.

"What do you think?" he replies, just as quietly. "Gone. Just like that. They told me it was a warning. A warning to _me_. They killed her because _I _did something stupid. Then they sent me here." He reaches up and rubs at his eyes, then slides his hands through his hair. "I hate this place."

"Me too."

"No," he sits up and his eyes snap open. "Not just District 12. Panem. This whole place. Everywhere I go I'm reminded of what an idiot I am, how one mistake can cause the pain of others."

"Do you think there's any place else? Any place where things are better?"

He scoffs, "I hope so. There's no reason they'd help us, though. Who would?" I rub at my eyes again and he sighs. "So I just kept climbing up that stupid pedestal."

"Are you at the top?"

"Not even close, but I'm climbing. And you're stronger than me, and you're just a teenager."

"I feel pathetic," I whimper, and he leans toward me, his arm trailing around me and pulling me into a hug. "How long does it hurt?"

He pulls me closer, "Changes per person," he says. "Still hurts for me every once in awhile, but not for you. Haven't you been listening? I said you were strong, Madge." That makes me giggle and he lets go. Darius reaches up and wipes under my eye. "You're gonna be fine, alright?"

"I like this Darius," I chuckle, and so does he.

"Yeah, well don't get used to it. Ready to go home yet?" I shake my head no, and then again I'm looking at the floor. You know, this is a nice carpet. It's a nice weave of mostly whites but some pinks and blues… "Well lock the door when you leave, okay? I've gotta go."

"Just like that?" I ask as he stands up, securing his helmet over his head.

He shrugs, "Just like that. Feel free to help yourself to the fridge." And then he's gone. Just like that. And I'm lonely again. His pep talk helped a lot but there's still a lump in my throat. I glance toward the clock and realize it's going to get darker outside soon. With another rub of my eyes I force myself off the couch. There's only one real place I can think of going, and even that pains me.

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><p>I can't see the stars tonight; they're muddled by a whole bunch of cloud. The moon, however, peaks through at random intervals. Which is nice. It makes it not so dark, not so lonely. I'm starting to wonder if I should have just gone home, because being here isn't doing me any good. The stupid pond, and the stupid trees, everywhere I look I'm flooded with another stupid memory of him.<p>

"I was wondering if you'd be here," Gale's voice wakes me from my stupor, but I don't hear it at first. I had thought it was my imagination, but upon turning I realize it's him. He smiles a little, and I turn away from him. My eyes are most likely still red rimmed, my cheeks still flushed. "You do know we said Sunday _morning_, right? And at the Hob no less." I'm not sure if I should answer him, considering that lump in my throat is still there. Of course he'd come check here. Why wouldn't he? He probably thought I forgot completely. He walks over slowly and takes a seat next to me. "Are you still mad at me?"

"I don't know." I answer honestly. Am I mad? I'm more broken. That's not a feeling though, is it? I consider just getting up and leaving, but I know he'd follow me. Demand answers. I wish I had answers myself.

"Did you forget about today?"

"No," I reply quietly. My entire being is shushed. Muted. Submerged in water. It's like I can't process anything. "I was there."

"I didn't see you."

"No," I sigh. "I guess not. You were a little preoccupied." I don't even sound angry, I sound devoid of all emotion. Empty. Pathetic. _You're strong_, I remind myself. Earlier I told myself if I talked to Gale I wouldn't make a low blow, but it's all I can think of saying. "How's Katniss?"

"Fine," he replies quickly. "I don't know."

"You know, I had this whole speech planned out of things I wanted to say to you. And I forgot it all. Every last word. Forgotten." He readjusts himself next to me and I can feel the tension. I guess it's not a total lie, I can't remember the basis. I only remember simple words like _sarcasm_, or _warmth_, or _safety_. "When you said I was yours, I kind of thought that made you mine too. I guess not." My eyes start filling with tears again but I will them away. I can't cry. I won't cry in front of him.

"You… you saw…" he trails off, and all I can do is nod. "Let me explain," he sputters, but I just shake my head again.

"Nothing to explain, Gale."

"Madge," his voice catches in his throat. "I didn't… I just… we…"

"No, really Gale, you don't have to explain anything."

"I was gonna tell you, I swear I was… I just,"

"Gale!" I snap, and that's where my emotion shows. The raw scratch of my voice. The hidden anger and disappointment. "It's okay."

"Okay?" his voice rises and I have to look away from him. "No, it's not!"

"You did it," I mutter. "Not me. That's the thing, I'd never do that to you." He stays quiet for a really long time, like he's thinking of something to say, but I know he's not. He doesn't know what to say, neither do I.

"I'd say sorry if it meant anything," he mumbles. "But it doesn't."

"Yes it does," I quip, and he sighs. Gale's hands reach up to his face and he does what a lot of people seem to be doing today. Rubbing their eyes. This his hands rake through his hair. "Just not enough."

"I don't know what you want me to say then, Madge. Whatever I say you won't believe me."

"That's not true," I tell him, but it probably is true. I don't even know how I'm still talking to him. All I want to do is go home and cry myself to sleep. Gale once told me that being alone isn't easier, but it is. It so much is. And not because I'm lazy, but because it's less painful. Less heartache. Less expectations.

"So we're over?"

"That's a stupid question," I crack, and he lets out an audible sigh. "You cheated on me." I know he wants to say something, but he can't. Because he doesn't know what. Because he knows that he did. "You _cheated_ on me," I whimper. "I don't even know how I can talk to you right now. All I really want to do is rip your throat out."

"Then do it," he mutters. "I deserve it." So I turn on my spot and lurch to him, my palm connecting with his cheek. The sound of the slap echoes in our little wooded area. Then I start hitting him, and I can't stop.

"You _asshole_!" I yell, punching his chest again. He doesn't move but instead absorbs the hit. "I hate you! How could you do that to me? I trusted you!" Again, and again, and again, but he just takes every hit. "I trusted you," I repeat with a sob, and then he wraps his arms around me.

"I'm sorry," he says gently. "That's all I can do. Apologize. But you're not going to forgive me so what's the point?"

"You're not even going to fight for me?" I yell, pushing him away. "I fought for _you_, and you still chose her!"

"I didn't choose her," he says forcefully. "I chose _you_…"

"Not then!" I cry. "You didn't choose me then, you chose her. In that split second you wanted her more than me! Do you know how much that hurts?" With a huff I push myself away from him even farther and slump over my knees. "It's best this way anyway."

"What is?" he asks, his voice cracking. I can't bring myself to look at him or I'll start crying again.

"Us just breaking up here, now instead of later."

"Why?" I shake my head and push myself to stand. I can't be here anymore. "Madge, why is this better?"

"It just is." My voice wavers and he pushes himself up to follow me.

"Madge,"

"Drop it," I insisted, but he doesn't. I shouldn't have said anything. I shouldn't have said anything!

"No, I want an answer," and now the angry Gale is making his presence known. "Besides one stupid kiss that I regret, why is this best?"

"Because!" I snap.

"That isn't an answer!" Why are we both so mood swingy?

"It's good enough for me,"

"You're not the one getting broken up with!"

"You're not the one that got cheated on!" I hiss. Oh yes, two can play at that game.

"I said I was sorry! How many times do I have to say it for you to fucking understand that I mean it?" Our voices are echoing across the hills and I'm thankful we're not in town. "I'm sorry, Madge! If I could take it back I would, but I can't!" He stumbles toward me and hesitates before deciding not to rest his forehead on mine. I want him to, though. But I don't. But I do. I hate this! "Give me another chance," he pleads.

"We should've ended it awhile ago," I whimper, trying to meet his eyes but I can't. "It would've hurt less."

"Why?" he begs again. "Why should we've ended it?"

"Because I'm dying?" I suggest weakly. His face drops and he starts shaking his head, closing the distance between us. "Because I tested positive on that stupid DNA test…" my eyes are pricking with tears again and I turn away from him. "I should've just told you! Should've ended it when I found out!"

"Madge, don't say that…" his eyes are full of worry, regret, pain…

"I'm sorry," I whimper, and then my feet carry me backward slowly. Now I'm the one shaking my head. "I can't do this anymore. Not to you, not to me. I'm sorry." And then I run, and I know he's not following me. I run wherever my feet take me, and that just happens to be back to Darius' house. I wonder if he's home yet but the light in his living room makes me think he is. I pound on the door and he opens it moments later, his boyish red hair messy on his head.

And then I let out another sob, and I collapse against him. And he doesn't say anything, only welcomes me into his house. After depositing me on the couch and offering me a box of tissues, he disappears into his kitchen for awhile. He returns with a cup of tea and a blanket.

"Called your dad," he says, slumping into the armchair across the room. "He said it was fine if you wanted to stay here tonight."

"What'd you tell him?" I ask through a sniffle. Hopefully not the truth.

"Well not the truth," he answers. Good Darius. "Something about a panic attack involving your aunt."

"Good one," I mutter. Those aren't entirely rare. A couple times a year I go through bouts of anxiety.

"Just because I didn't tell him the truth doesn't mean _I _don't want the truth," he says. And then I explode with the truth. Because the truth is the best. The truth is the only thing we have to hold on to anymore. I tell him about the sickness too, the way my brain is rotting in my skull and there's nothing I can do to stop it. The way my heart has less beats in it than everyone else's. He just sits in the armchair and watches me. He's a good listener. But them my mouth goes numb and my brain gets muddled and I trail off in the middle of a sentence without picking it up again because I have nothing left to say. So he picks up for me.

He talks. He talks about the girl he was engaged to. Her name was Cecilia. He told me she was fairly normal for living in the Capitol. Had brown hair with blue tips. Liked wearing solid mute colors instead of neon ones. Never altered her face or her skin. He talks until I sink into oblivion. A dreamless, numb oblivion.

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><p><em>AN: Revised a few times and wasn't sure how I liked it. Forever loving older brother Darius. I don't know, I just have a lot of emotions for this chapter. Lots of emotions. And heartache. For both Gale and Madge. And Darius. And maybe a little for Katniss. I don't know, tell me what you liked... or didn't like. Another chapter soon. _


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer****: I'm not sure why this chapter ended up being so long... it's a really filler chapter before the recital. Merp.**

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><p>"Daddy, I'm home," I call into the house. There's no response, but then again, did I expect there to be? "Not that you care," I mutter under my breath. He might not even be here. Kasen emerges from the kitchen with a cup of tea as if he knew I was coming. "Hey," I sigh, taking the cup from him. "Thank you." Darius gave me some tea this morning as well. Or well, he left a warm pot running considering he had to work. He also left some donuts on the table, although I didn't eat any. Bless that boy.<p>

"You feeling alright?" Kasen asks, taking my jacket from me. "Your father was up in arms about you not coming home."

"Darius said it was fine,"

"After about an hour of an argument," he replies. "Darius was persistent." I follow him into the kitchen and sit at the island, slowly sipping my tea. Of course Darius was persistent, he wasn't going to let me go home in a state like that. At times I wonder if yesterday was all a bad dream, but the headache from all the crying I did is a constant reminder that it wasn't. "So are you okay?" I reply with a shrug.

"Is Bristel here?" I ask, glancing around to see.

"No, just me, your father took her and the rest of the cleaners over to the Justice Building. We're apparently going to be having some important guests soon."

"Whoopity doo," I hold up my finger as if I'm celebrating, and then drop it. "I think I'm gonna go sleep." Kasen raises his eye brow at me and I glare at him. "What?"

"Nothing," he says, returning to the dishes. "Nothing."

With a roll of my eyes I make my way toward the stairs. My father's office door is cracked open and a few lights are flashing inside. I lean in to shut the door (the lights sometimes seep under _my _door and disturb my slumber) when I take a glance at the TV screens.

An alert flashes across the top of one, images of District 4 flash back and forth while the announcer speaks of citizens dumping toxic waste into the harbors as protest. Protest of what? The Capitol in general? I run toward the window and glance at my own district. Nothing. People walking to work. Home from work. To a friends. Nothing is changing here. I glance back at the screen as they show peacekeepers invading with guns, causing those at the docks to flee.

"It would appear that these citizens aren't willing to keep up efforts at the sign of violence and authority. If insolence persists then the Victory Tour will be another reminder of the Capitol's presence and efforts should die down again…" but then the TV goes blank. I snap around and my father stands behind me with the remote.

"You know you aren't allowed in here," he tells me.

"But this room is filled with fun things," I say back. "District revolts, flashing red lights, test results…" his face drops, and I don't even care. I feel like I've run out of emotion. Run out of guilt, or the ability to care of anyone else's feelings.

"You read your results?"

"Not like you were going to tell me," I mutter. "Hence the necklace," I tap at it. "Am I right?"

"I _was_ going to tell you," he says. "I was just waiting for the right moment…"

"Like when I was dead?" I scoff and roll my eyes. "Thanks for the consideration, but I don't even care. Who cares? My brain's being eaten by tiny minuscule aliens. Who cares! Not me!" He takes a step back and his eyes widen. "Why is everyone looking at me like that? Stop looking at me altogether, would you? I'm not that fascinating!"

"Are you feeling alright?" he asks, reaching forward and holding his hand against my forehead. "You're warm."

"Big deal! I'm warm! Let me go soak in some ice!" I charge past him and he follows slowly. "Stop following me! I'm going to sleep."

"You just got home," he says. "Go eat something."

"I don't want to eat something," I grumble. "What guests are coming?" I ask, changing the subject quickly.

"Margret Undersee!" he yells, and I turn, squinting. "What the hell has gotten into you?"

* * *

><p>After what feels like hours of interrogation, my father as a witness as well as Kasen, Bristel showing up later and eavesdropping with an emotionless gaze, I'm let off the hook. I told them I was having a heat flash or something. Told them I had a panic attack over Aunt Maysilee. Told them how Darius saw me on the street freaking out and took me to his house first because it was closer. Told them it must've been an early thing of the stupid disease and they went with it. Works for me.<p>

Bristel waits until everyone leaves and then pulls me aside. "Disease my ass. Are you alright?"

"Just peachy, what do you think?" She furrows her brows and pulls on her apron. "Who told you?"

"Thom," she sighs. "I don't even know what to say."

"Because I do," I snap back. First she raises her eyebrows at me, but then crosses her arms.

"Have you ever considered that this isn't his fault," she blurts out. I remain unmoved, and let her continue. "Maybe if you hadn't been shoving Katniss down his throat then he wouldn't have doubted his feelings for you."

"You're right, I totally forced him into that." My voice is so monotonous I kind of want to laugh. There's no expression on my face, in my words, in my life… "Definitely. Wow, I can't believe I never considered that. Thank you for that insight, Bristel." Her jaw clenches as I carry on. "It's totally my fault, I made him press his lips right up against hers in the middle of broad daylight. Yep, wow. I'm such a horrible person."

"Listen to yourself!" she hisses. "You're acting like it's the end of the world for crying out loud!"

"You're acting like him cheating on me was my fault," I reply lightly. "You're acting like I'm supposed to just snap back to being me after watching that with my own two eyes. _You're _acting like I'm not supposed to feel like my throat has been ripped out and I know how to swallow." Her face softens but her jaw stays locked.

"Madge," she sighs, but I step away from her. "I didn't mean…"

"Just leave me alone," I grumble, making my way past her and pushing my way out the door.

The air is brisk. There isn't snow on the ground but the sky looks as if it might snow later. I wish I had a jacket, but I just have on long sleeves. Not even a good outfit. Old bleach stained jeans and a ratty old black long sleeved shirt. My father made me change after realizing I was still wearing what I wore yesterday _and_ slept in. I can't go back in now though, Bristel's still there and that'd be embarrassing. I just have to keep walking.

And walk I do until I make my way to Victors Village. All the houses look the same to me, although they aren't the same at all. I just can't tell the difference. Maybe because I'm not trying to tell the difference. I just want to see Peeta. The first door I knock on I know isn't Peeta's, but it can't be Katniss' either considering the outside isn't tended for at all.

I've spoken to Haymitch Abernathy about zero times in my entire life. It just works that way. I avoid him, he avoids me. Sometimes in the square I catch him staring at me from a distance. I have a hunch as to why, but I refuse to speak it. Or think it. Or acknowledge it in any way shape or form. Neither does he. Unspoken agreement.

But here I am, unfeeling any sort of emotion, knocking on his door. It takes him awhile but he finally yanks the door open.

"Wha?" he slurs, but then upon realizing it's me straightens his back. "Whattya want?"

"Which house is Peeta's?" I ask politely, or as politely as I can muster. I'm not in the mood for emotions. Not anymore. But I couldn't exactly accidently walk up to Katniss' house. I'm not quite in the mood for her either. Not for now anyway. He squints his eyes at me and watches me for a moment before gesturing to the left. "Thank you."

"You cold, Undersee?" Haymitch mutters. "Whattya wearin anyway? It's gonna snow."

"I'm fine, Abernathy," I say, turning on my heel. "I'll borrow something from Peeta if I have to."

"Right," he says. I continue my way down his steps and not until I'm out of his yard completely do I hear him shut the door. I glance behind me and cross my arms to keep from the cold, and watch his curtains shut quickly. With a groan I start a light jog and make my way down to Peeta's house.

The yard is much nicer than Haymitch's. It's not dying, anyway. The lights are on inside and I look toward the sky; it's beginning to snow a little so I knock right away. And as if this day couldn't get much better, Peeta isn't the one to answer the door. Wanna take a guess as to who it is? I'll give you three.

"Well if it isn't the one and only Madge Undersee!" Kill me.

"Madge?" Peeta calls from the back. "Let her in!" I hear the grin in his voice. How fun this is going to be. My life is wonderful. It's just great actually.

"I just wanted to say hi," I announce quickly, but Jace is already pulling me in. Did you guess Jace? I bet you didn't even need three tries. "No need for me to…"

"Nonsense!" Peeta is still grinning and he yanks me to the couch. "Besides, it's cold outside. At least let me get you some cocoa." I go to protest, but Peeta shoots me a look and I drop it, then he scampers off to the kitchen happily. It's his master plan, I know it is. To get me and Jace in the same room together so he can observe.

"Where's Katniss?" I call to him as he bustles about the kitchen. Or the rest of his family for that matter.

"Who knows," he shouts back. "Her house? Everyone else is down at the bakery." Right, that makes sense.

"So you were just in the neighborhood?" Jace questions and I shrug.

"Taking a walk."

"Dressed like that?" he eyes my outfit and I cross my arms across my chest, causing him to chuckle. "You do know it's cold outside, right?"

"Hadn't noticed," I snap back. Wow. I really am not in the mood for company. He raises an eyebrow, but the smile still plays on his face. "Sorry," I immediately say. "I'm not in the best of moods."

Jace smirks, "Noted." Peeta returns to the living room holding three mugs, handing one to Jace and the other to me before sitting down across the room with his own. An awkward silence ensues as I pull the mug up and blow on it, trying to get it to cool down. I don't want to burn my tongue now do I? Peeta has this expectant look on his face as his eyes dark between me and Jace, who is sitting on the couch a few feet away from me.

"So how did you two become friends?" I ask to break the silence. I'm actually quite curious, considering Jace is a year older. "And I don't want some stupid answer."

"Alright, well, our parents were friends when we were growing up," Peeta starts.

"Please don't tell the story," Jace groans.

"And they'd always come over for dinner…"

"Peeta honestly, this is so tragic…"

"Well a few years ago they were coming over for dinner, right?"

"Seriously we don't need to…"

"Jace, shut up!" I laugh and he groans, his cheeks are bright pink. "Peeta, please continue."

"Right," Peeta chuckles, placing his cup down on a coaster and leaning forward on his knees. "So they came over for dinner and Jace wasn't with them. His mom said he had something to do before he came over, or that's what he said or something. I don't really remember. We weren't really friends then, he was just someone who'd come over with his parents every once in awhile."

"This is mortifying," Jace mumbles, and I lean back and bring my foot up to kick him.

"Well he shows up late, right, and he's got," Peeta pauses so he can laugh. I kind of want to laugh just sitting here. Jace is still pink. "He's got this makeup on right? I don't even…" he just keeps laughing and I'm beginning to wonder if he can even get the rest of the story out. "He's got… wait! I have a picture!"

"Peeta," Jace pleads, but Peeta is already rushing into another room to grab a book. A tight smile plays on my lips because I'm trying not to laugh when that's really all I want to do. Peeta's laugh is just _contagious_. "This was a bad time in my life," Jace tells me quietly. "Dark, dark times. You see, Peeta and I always had to do the dishes together and we both legitimately hated it…"

"Found it!" Peeta shouts, and then he runs back into the room carrying a thick red book. "Oh, hell Jace!" He cackles as he hands me the book. "It's better than I remembered it!" Jace peers over the page and then starts laughing too, the two of them are bent over in hysterics.

Finally I look over the page and a snort escapes me instantly. In the photo a younger Jace is standing next to a younger Peeta, who's pointing at him with this face of mortification on it, but also humor. Like he's so mortified that he's laughing. Jace however stands there, his head thrown back. He's in short-shorts. Like, so short I wouldn't even wear them because it would look… degrading. And they're turquoise. Not blue, but turquoise. Underneath is a pair of fishnet leggings, torn at the knees. His face… no wonder Peeta couldn't finish telling the story. I look up and he's still laughing.

The first thing I notice is the lipstick. It's so bright I don't even… and it's blue. It's bright blue lipstick. Jace is wearing bright blue lipstick. I continue to giggle as I study his eyes, obviously never having put on makeup before, Jace has dark purple eye shadow that looks like he had a black eye. To top it off he's got on eyeliner, which even I have difficulty putting on, and it's smeared all over the place. He's even attempted some shimmering mascara which even glistens in the picture.

"You look so pretty," I choke out, and then the two burst into hysterics again. In the photo he has on a tight sequins shirt that looks like Effie Trinket's trash bag and then I'm howling all over again. "What on earth got you in this getup?"

"Peeta!" Jace says through a laugh. "He… he bet me…!"

"It was totally a joke!" Peeta reassures me. "I never thought he'd actually do it!"

"You _knew_ I hated doing the dishes!" Jace pushes him, and then Peeta stumbles a few steps with a satisfied grin on his face. "And ha! I didn't have to do them ever again!" I grin at the two and then take the book into my own hands, sitting back down on the couch and fingering through the pages. After that there are many more pictures of him and Jace. Bored, I flip to the front instead.

"You used to be so cute, Madge," Peeta says, pointing to a photo. That's me? "What happened?" he finishes. I shove him away and he sticks his tongue out at me teasingly. I know he's only joking, but I did used to be really cute. I had this curly golden hair that's flattened out some. Also these really bright blue eyes. And I was really friendly, I'd talk to almost everyone.

"Still am," I jest back at him. Jace rolls his eyes and snatches the book from me.

Pointing to another picture he asks, "Is that really you?" I nod and gaze at the picture. Peeta and I have our arms locked together and I'm trying to drag him down the street to the park or something. "Adorable," he teases, and then I shove him, taking the book back and closing it.

"Alright, enough of memory lane," I smile, and it's genuine. Leave it to these two to get me to show some emotion that isn't dead or depressing.

"You wanna talk about the present, then?" Peeta wonders aloud, his eyes darting between the two of us again. I pretend like I don't notice and reach for my mug. Peeta lounges back in the chair he's moved to and Jace is still next to me, only closer than compared to five minutes ago.

"Yeah, why were you in such a bad mood?" Jace pries and I just shake my head.

"I don't want to talk about it," I mumble.

"Booooooring," Peeta drags out and then adds a fake yawn. "Come on, Madge! The only news I've received in the past how many weeks has been me. Me! That's it! Do you know how boring that is?"

"Must be… _boring_." Jace says with a grin. I snort into my drink and then put it down quickly.

"It is!" Peeta goes on, "It's tragic! I'm not very interesting, you know."

"Oh, I _know_," Jace goes on. "You're the only person on my TV. I can't even watch my documentaries about how awful the Dark Days were…" he adds sarcastically. With that Peeta snaps his head and makes wide eyes at Jace. "Whoops…" Jace adds, noncommittally. I glance at Peeta and he just shakes his head and waves it off, but I know what he means. The place is probably bugged.

"Right, well, I really should be getting home," I quip, downing the rest of my drink and placing it back on the coaster. "Nice place, Peeta." And really, it is nice. Comparable to mine, actually. Without the golden cherubs.

"Maybe you should come over more," he retorts.

"Perhaps," I taunt, and that causes Jace to grin. He even stands up after I do and leads me to the door, sliding on his jacket. "Don't tell me you're going home too?" I groan, and he grins. "You have impeccable timing, honestly."

"Bye you two," Peeta sings from the living room. I lean through the doorway and give him the good ole one finger salute, causing him to snort.

"What," Jace says once he shuts the door. "You don't like walking with me?"

"Whenever I try to avoid you, you like, you're just always there!" I reply. "Always!"

"You're avoiding me?" he asks confused.

"_Trying_," I correct. "_Trying_ to avoid you." He slips his hands into his back pockets and pauses at the bottom of the stairs, waiting until I reach him. "You make that difficult though."

"Why're you _trying_ to avoid me?" he asks with a light smile. Nothing gets him down. It's infuriating!

"Never mind," I sigh. "Just never mind." He lets out a light laugh and I cross my arms over my chest.

"If you'd like I'll completely remove myself from your life,"

"No!" I cut him off quickly. His head snaps to look at me and I drop my gaze to the group, my cheeks flaring up. "Don't do _that_."

"You're impossible!" he laughs. "Completely impossible! And bipolar, I'm pretty sure!"

"Then why do you hang out with me?" I mutter, crossing my arms even tighter.

"I didn't say I didn't _enjoy_ it, I was just pointing it out." I look up and meet his eyes, then quickly pull my gaze away. Stupid green eyes. "You gonna tell me why you're so upset today or do I have to fill in the blanks myself?"

I groan, "Isn't the whole thing a blank?"

"Most of it. If I'm using prior knowledge, which I am, I'd say it has to do with a boy, yeah?"

"No," I reply quickly. "Maybe."

"Then I'm filling in the blanks," he smirks. "It starts with this mysterious man hopping the fence and making his way to the rubble of District 13 to live out a life of being a hermit and radiation poisoning because he thought you were too pretty for him…"

"Jace!" I laugh, slapping his arm. He chuckles and nudges me back.

"Or something along those lines."

"You're ridiculous," I sigh.

"And you're too pretty for the idiot that's got you like this, I'm sure." We walk in silence for a few moments as I absorb his words. Only now do I consider the talk we had the other day, the talk about his girl. It couldn't have been about me, right? I rack my brain trying to think of the words he described her… opinionated? Really pretty. Didn't he just call me pretty? Nothing like he thought she'd be… "Is anyone really worth your time if they make you feel like that?"

"I guess not," I reply quickly, my thoughts still tangled around the idea that it's overly possible he was talking about me. "It doesn't matter anymore." Why would Jace like me of all people? He's got plenty of pretty town friends I'm sure, it could be any of them. There's no reason he should like me over anyone else, right? What about that look he gave me after he saw me play the piano? And then there's Peeta, who's friends with Jace, and always has those darting eyes…

"Madge," his voice jerks me out of my thoughts. "I asked you twice if you were cold and you didn't answer me, are you alright?"

"Oh, I didn't hear you, no I'm fine." Well, I was fine. You know how things only start to be a problem once they're mentioned? That's like this. I wasn't cold until I thought about if I was cold, and now I'm freezing. It _is_ snowing, anyway. "Kind of."

"Kind of," he chuckles, peeling the leather jacket off his back and setting it on my shoulders. "Just say yes, sheesh."

"Sheesh," I repeat the same way he said it, and he grins. "Won't you be cold?"

"Boys don't get cold," he says. Jace watches as I slip my arms into the sleeves, and a smile plays at his lips. I can't deny I don't appreciate the gesture; his jacket is so _warm_. The sleeves are loose around my arms but when I cross them over my chest they pull tight. "Looks good on you," he notes, and I drop my arms.

"It's too big," I retort.

He shrugs, "Maybe so. Maybe I just like that it's mine." Hell, he was totally talking about me. The thought should make me angry, or confused, but I just… feel… I don't know. Not confused, and not angry, or annoyed, or scared, or… really… anything. I hate that. But it's calming. And at the same time I know in the pit of my stomach that this has to do with the fact I felt awful and he's showing kindness. Which makes me feel more awful.

We walk in silence again and we pass his shop. He continues to walk, however, and I wonder if it has to do with Cassius or the fact that he perhaps is harboring a crush on me. Maybe both. "Here," I go to slide the jacket off. "I'm almost home…"

"Just give it back to me tomorrow," he says.

"Tomorrow?" We pause in front of my house. He's trying to see me again, oh hell. Oh, _hell_.

"Yeah, tomorrow." I can't help the smile that creeps onto my face, and then he smiles too. His eyes dart to my lips for second, and out of habit I lick them. I've got to break that habit. His eyes dart back up to mine and his smile's dropped.

"I should go," I say, stepping backwards, and then he smiles again.

"Right," he steps backward too. "Until then, Madge."

"Bye Jace," I laugh, turning around and forcing myself up the steps, shaking snow out of my hair as I do so. I can't help but turn and watch him for a few seconds before pushing myself into the house. Warmth welcomes me and I slip his jacket off my shoulders, hanging it on the coat rack by the door.

"Nice to see you smile," Kasen mutters as he passes by, carrying a tray upstairs with dinner for most likely my mother. "Do it more often."

"Mind your own business," I snap back, and he sticks his tongue out at me. I make my way to the living room, kicking off my wet shoes by the door and collapsing on the couch. Bristel is off in the corner dusting something and eyeing me suspiciously as if I don't notice.

"Where'd you go?" she asks quietly, sincerity echoing in her voice. I shift on the couch so I can look at her, and she goes back to dusting.

"For a walk." She turns back to me and then her eyes dart to the coat rack where Jace's jacket is hanging, dripping melting snow onto the wooden floor. "It's just a friends," I mutter as she looks back to me. "I do have those, you know." I avoid mentioning the fact that I didn't for awhile.

"I don't want us to fight," she says gently, and I can't help but roll my eyes. "Madge, what he did… I shouldn't've blamed you."

"Well you did,"

"I know I did," she cuts me off angrily. "And I'm sorry. Okay?"

"Sure." I'd give anything to be back with Peeta and Jace. I'm tired of talks like this. She watches me in silence for awhile and then I say, "You should come to my recital."

"Your recital?"

"Well the recital I'm in. It's in a few days." She nods, because I know she knows what I'm talking about. "You can bring Thom. Actually, you _should_ bring him, I haven't seen him in awhile."

Again, she nods slowly. "Sure, that sounds nice." I wonder if Bristel and I will be stuck like this. The formal not-friend-friends. With that, I push myself off the couch and make my way to my room, drawing the curtains closed and shutting the door.

_I'm strong_. _I must keep climbing_.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Like I said, I'm not sure why this is so long... I just kept typing and typing and this is what came out. Recital next chapter along with a little more... (: I want to thank everyone who reviews, and even those who read and don't review. I never realized how many people actually read this until the last few chapters. Literally makes me bubble, like honestly, I just, so HAPPY I love you guys so MUCH I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY_. _Alright so enough of me being creepy, this chapter is kind of lame and I'm sorry, but next will be better. I think. Right. So. Enjoy!_


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: Nope, this is definitely the longest chapter so far. And it ends in the middle of no where. Whoops.**

* * *

><p>"Come on, Madge, I'm sure you look fine…" Jace's teasing voice from outside the dressing room beckons me. Jace is backstage because he's working lighting. Of course he's working lighting, therefore spending more time with me. But I can't go out, these outfits are ridiculous.<p>

"I did _not_ sign up for _this_!" I yell through the door. "I look like I'm going to a funeral!"

"Everyone's gotta wear it!" he says back. "Now come on, they're doing roll soon!" I look tragic, awfully tragic. This dress is just not me! It's too tight and it's itchy and way too short, I look like a tramp! Plus it's black! Why couldn't it have been pink? Or gray? Gray is better than black! So is brown! I look decent in brown! But _black_? It makes me look even more pale than usual, which I'm not quite thankful for.

These past few days I've spent more time with Jace, against my own will of course, but still spent time with him. I don't want him to like me, but I do. I don't think he likes me half the time, but then the other half the time I'm sure he does. He's confusing, and then I spend the rest of my time wondering why all the boys in my life are confusing. And then I think about Gale and Katniss again and I have to force myself not to cry. I'm turning into a pathetic teenage girl. Pathetic!

"Here," I mutter, shoving the door open. "Let's go to roll."

"Are you joking?" he laughs, and I turn around to glare at him. "You look great!"

"No I don't!" I retort. "It's too short and too tight and itchy and I look pale and…"

"You look _great_," he cuts me off. Of course I look good to him; I said it was too tight and too short! All boys like tight short dresses! "Ten bucks says none of the other girls look good in _that_."

"And it's frilly and gross and just ugh!" I throw my hands up in the air and storm past him, hearing his chuckles follow me. "Stop looking at my ass," I call back to him, and then he laughs even louder.

"I'm not!" But he is, he totally is!

We get to roll call right as they say, "Undersee, Madge!"

"Here!" Jace and I shout at the same time as we stumble onto the scene, and then we both look at each other and stifle a laugh.

"Good," the person with the clipboard says. "We're all here then." I look around at all the other girls, and they too are wearing this disgusting dress maneuver thing. I'd pay someone to let us wear something else. The boys at least look _nice_ in their dress clothes, we look like tramps!

"Stop thinking you look like a tramp," Jace whispers into my ear as everyone scurries about backstage. "You don't."

"Stop reading my thoughts," I hiss, and he smirks. Am I that easy to understand? "Promise?"

"Swear on my life," he grins. "Wanna look at the crowd?"

"Am I going to vomit?"

He shrugs, "Probably." Then he grins and yanks open the curtain a little bit anyway so I can peer out if I want to. And peer out I do. It's like the entire district is at this stupid recital. The_ entire_ district. There isn't an empty seat in the entire place! My eyes scan the crowd looking for people I know. My father sits toward the front browsing a pamphlet and I can't help but smile. I wasn't sure if he was going to be able to make it or not. Peacekeepers dot the back of the room and I swear I see a red headed one. Prim and Rory sit next to each other off to the side, sharing a pamphlet and turning around to Katniss and Peeta who sit behind them. Like they're supervising a date or something. It kind of makes me smile. It also makes me smile that Peeta and Katniss came out, I didn't quite expect them too. Even the fact that Peeta is in close proximity of Rory. If Katniss did come I guess I expected it to be with Gale, but I don't see him… then again, I shouldn't even be looking for him! I doubt he came anyway.

I search for Bristel, we haven't spoken since I asked her to come, but I can't find her. With a sigh Jace drops the curtain, having it hit my face.

"Rude," I snap, and he shrugs.

"It's starting, go wait in the back."

But I don't wait in the back simply because I _can't_. I have to hear everyone else play. The violins that squeak, the trumpets that miss notes. Don't get me wrong, everyone sounds fantastic, but we're nervous. _All_ of us are nervous, how can we not be? My hands are sweating and my dress is made of some stupid material that doesn't absorb sweat, but instead spreads it around. Because that's fair!

And then they're calling my name, and Jace is wishing me good luck, and then I'm being shoved onto the stage. I freeze like a deer in headlights, the spotlight is blinding! But I find my footing again and make my way to the piano that the backstage workers have so graciously rolled out in the center of the stage for me. As I sit I take a deep breath. I have to wait for my cue.

The microphone squeaks and I flinch, so does half the audience. "To close our show we have Madge Undersee, playing an original piece on the piano." I decided an original piece would be best, considering no one will know if I mess up. Another deep breath, and I take one glance at the audience.

I catch my father's eye as he smiles, I catch a wink from Prim, I catch a glimpse of eyes that can't decide if they want to be gray or brown… and I want to stare, to make sure that it's really Gale, but I have to play. I _have_ to. I have to show everyone that I'm more than the mayor's daughter. That I have more to me than just blonde hair and pale skin. That I have soul, that I have passion.

And as usual, my melody starts out slow. Kind of quiet. The entire room is shushed and I'm not sure I'm breathing. My eyes snap shut and I sigh, my fingers tapping out the light music across the room. I hear nothing but the tunes I play, nothing but my beating heart. I'm scared my fingers are going to slip off the right key onto the wrong one because they're still sweaty considering I'm so nervous.

The melody picks up, light and happy, mixed with slow and happy, is music happy? It has to be happy, because I catch myself smiling as I tap it out. It reminds me of when Prim and I would goof off instead of actually getting any playing done. Reminds me of when I first saw Peeta and Katniss again. It reminds me of when Gale took me up the tree and I looked across the entire valley. When Gale came to my house at 2 in the morning. When Gale brought me flowers. When Gale first held my hand. It reminds me of Gale brushing my hair out of my face and the very first time he kissed me… hell. This entire song reminds me of Gale. And _I_ composed it…

The song comes to an end and I let out the breath I had been holding in. The world freezes. My heart clenches in my chest. I failed to prove them wrong. But then it happens. The applause. The applause is deafening. I'm blushing. I'm grinning. There's no doubt that I'm blushing. I scurry off the stage with one quick look at those who whoop and shout my name. I run right into the arms of Jace who hugs me tightly. Then the whole group of performers joins the hug. Because we did it, we performed. I did it, I showed everyone I was more than just… me.

After that they usher all the performers onto the stage and we take our grand bow. I'm giggling the entire time because the person who I'm holding hands with has to pee and wants this to go as quickly as possible. I search for Gale again to make sure it was really his eyes I saw, but I can't find him, only Rory and Prim who're whistling and cheering my name, blowing kisses in my direction. My father in the front is standing, clapping away. I've never felt more… empowered. Beautiful. Free.

After we get backstage again I see Jace talking to Peeta, chatting away animatedly. Peeta spots me first and waves me over, so I run over to meet them.

"Stole the show, honestly," Jace says once he sees me.

"That you did," Peeta follows. "We got you these," from behind him he pulls out a bouquet of flowers, pink and yellow and white lilies.

"Oh," I gasp and reach for them. "They're beautiful!" I can't help wonder where Katniss is. Maybe had to take Prim home right away? Why wouldn't she come back and say hi? I brush the thought off at sight of the flowers, however.

"They were Jace's idea," Peeta says and I look up just in time to catch him shaking his head no, but then he drops it once he notices I'm watching.

"Well I love them," I say brightly, and Jace grins, although his ears are definitely pink. Moments later Bristel and Thom come barreling through the door. Both boys widen their eyes at them, but say nothing.

"Madge!" Thom is cheering and he scoops me into his arms, picking me off the floor and twirling me around. "You angel from heaven!"

"Put me down!" I laugh, and he does so. Peeta and Jace step off to the side, both still watching us suspiciously. "You came!"

"Course I did, wouldn't miss it for the world," he grins back. Oh how I missed Thom. So very much. His bright smile and dark eyes and all around uplifting attitude. I look toward Bristel and she smiles at me, then her eyes drag down to the flowers in my hands. Suddenly subconscious I shove them behind me. "So I know it's cold and kind of snowy outside, but there's a party and…"

"Yes!" I answer immediately. "Please let me come. Please!"

Bristel smirks, "I guess we can bring you…" she trails off, and then I run into her arms. "I really am sorry," she says as she squeezes me.

"I know," I reply. "Just let me change." I toss Thom my flowers who catches them and lifts them up so he can inhale them dramatically, Bristel snatching them away from him quickly with a laugh.

"Hey," Jace stops me as I run past. Peeta's already gone. "Who're they?"

"Just some friends," I tell him, bouncing on my toes. I'm dying for some human interaction that isn't proper and polite, just let me go change! "Why?"

"You going somewhere with them?" It looks as if he wrinkles his nose in their direction, but I don't notice.

"Party," I answer, taking a few steps back. "Why?"

"Just wondering," he shrugs. "Have fun." The way he says it sounds kind of sad so I run up to him, throwing my arms around his neck. With a laugh his arms trail up to my back to lock the hug in before he lets me go.

"You smell good," I tell him, and then he grins. "Thanks for the flowers."

"But I…" I start walking backwards and he trails off. "You're welcome." Then I stick my tongue at him and race back to the changing room, peeling off the black tramp dress and sliding into my own skinny jeans and turtle neck, accompanied by my winter vest.

* * *

><p>Bristel's walking a few feet in front of us with another person that's going to the party. I feel like this was partially planned so Thom could talk to me, but I don't mind.<p>

"I know you don't want to talk about it," he says, his hand scratching the back of his head. "But we kinda got to." With a sigh, I shake my head in the _fine_ way, and he sighs too.

"Have you talked to him?" I ask.

"He's my best friend, Madge, acourse I've talked to him." He scrunches his nose. "I kinda wanted to hit him when he told me." I laugh, but not really. It's empty. Even Thom knows it's empty. "I don't have a problem with Katniss," he tells me. "I just like you better."

"Thanks," I laugh, and this time it's for real. "That's reassuring."

He grins, "Not exactly how I wanted that to come out. Listen, Gale knows he messed up. He's been… he's been pissy lately."

"Pissy," I repeat delicately, and he nods.

"Oh yes, very pissy."

There's a lag in the conversation and then I ask, "Why did he do it?" My voice is quiet and scared. Because I don't want to know, but I do.

"I dunno, Madge. It wasn't planned, if that's what you're asking. He didn't do it to destroy you." I scoff, because that's exactly what it did. "I think… he hasn't said anything about it, but I think he just wanted to know."

"Wanted to know what?"

Thom sighs, "I don't know. I don't think you can be best friends with someone for such a long time and then just, not know. Not know if you made the right choice."

"So he did like her?" I squeak.

"Sure did. But that doesn't mean he didn't like you. See, everyone thinks you can only like one person at a time but that's bull. You can like a thousand different people, but it's all for different reasons. And someone more than someone else. And in a different way. Does that make sense?"

"I think so," I reply quietly. But it hurts. It doesn't place me second though, which was eating me alive I guess. Just another option. Of course Gale has options. Gale has a zillion options in the world. He's gorgeous to look at, and then once you break his exterior shell of asshole he's… no I can't say perfect. He's wondrous. In every way possible. He could have anyone, really.

I even understand the question of thinking he made the wrong choice. Not because he doubted _me_, but because he doubted himself. I don't know. My thoughts aren't making much sense. I bet Katniss thought the same thing, considering she had Peeta. I might even be curious as to other choices when it comes to Jace… and that's when I understand. Curiosity. Caught up in the moment. I hate him and I don't at the same time.

"Do you think you two'll get past this?" Thom asks as the fire comes into view.

"I don't know." I reply honestly. "It's hard to look someone in the eyes once they've kissed someone else in front of you. Why?"

Thom grins sheepishly and looks toward the fire. "Because he might be here…?"

"Thom!" I hit his shoulder, and Bristel and the girl she's walking with look back toward us with smirks. "You said he wasn't going to be here! That's part of the reason I came!"

"Madge," Thom groans. "You're all he talks about! You should hear him in the mines, it's driving me insane!" With that mention my heart does a flip, but I refuse to let that change anything.

"He _cheated_ on me," I stress. "You expect things to just go right back to how they were?"

"No, but things can't go anywhere unless you two talk." But I don't want to talk to him. But I do. And once again the word infuriating comes to mind and I want to jump ship.

"Well, I'm not going to be able to do that sober," I mutter, and then Thom reaches in his coat and tosses me a flask. "What, did you have this entire thing planned?" I accuse, and he just grins.

"It's your favorite," he notes. "Strawberry…" Oh he _totally_ had the entire thing planned.

* * *

><p>By the time we reach the fire I'm already halfway through the flask. The familiar tingle, the sizzling taste, I can't help but think about what happened last time I drank. Sweet kisses and soft touches and ragged breath… but no. That's not going to happen this time. Everything is spinning by the time I sit down and absorb some warmth from the logs.<p>

He notices me before I notice him. I'm lost in my own thoughts about why snow is so cold when he interrupts them. "Already tripping all over yourself, eh?" I snap my head in Gale's direction and thrust the flask beneath my arm.

"I can walk fine," I reply politely, although I want to jump forward and yank his eyes out. I watch as Gale tosses a flower into the fire, and then takes a swig from a flask of his own, a flask much larger than mine, and I can tell from here that it's nearly empty. "What're you doing?"

"Oh, this?" he holds up an iris, the most beautiful winter iris I've ever seen, and then chucks it into the fire, its wonderful purple petals are no match for the flames that consume it. "You see," he starts, but then takes another swig. "I spent all morning out in the woods looking for flowers for you for your stupid recital. But you already had flowers. So you don't need them anymore." And then he tosses another flower in and watches it burn. And another flower. And another.

"Stop!" I cry, lurching toward the pile of flowers he's collected. I stumble into the pile of snow at his feet, but pick myself up and grab them. "Stop it."

"Why?" he growls, picking up one that I missed and chucking it. "Your new boyfriend got you some expensive out of season flowers from the shop."

"He's not my boyfriend!" I hiss at him.

"You sure look at him like he is," Gale mutters, taking another swig from his drink and finding it empty. With a grunt he drops it and reaches in his pocket for another flask but I yank it out of his hand. "Give it back."

"Why're you doing this?" I plead. Everything's still spinning for me, but I know what people mean when they talk about an instant sober. My insides ache watching him. But he doesn't answer me, of course not, and I timidly hand his flask back. "Fine." And then I take the rest of the flowers and I chuck them in, cringing as they sizzle. "Fine!" His eyebrows furrow as he watches me watching the fire overtake the beauty. "Fine," my voice cracks and I slump back on the log.

"Madge," his voice pleads as he looks toward me. "Look at me," he begs. I feel my jaw quivering and my eyes beginning to water, but I won't look at him. I can't look at him. I'll cave. _I'm strong_. I have to be strong.

"Why did you do it?" I whimper. "Damnit, Gale, why'd you kiss her?"

"I don't fucking know, Madge!" he shouts back. "Would you stop asking me?"

"Maybe if you hadn't done it!" I hiss back. I see Thom and Bristel across the party making their way to us quickly. "I hate you!" I spit out, and his eyes widen.

His eyebrows knit in confusion, but then he chokes out, "Good." I raise my eyes to meet his and I take in a sharp breath. "I don't want someone like you liking me anyway."

"Someone like me?" I squeak. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look at you, Undersee!" The use of my last name doesn't even make me flinch. "The only reason your boots aren't white anymore is because you're here! You're in a fucking turtleneck!" I clench my jaw because I know what he's going to say next. "You're on the wrong side of the district, townie."

"Gale!" Bristel shouts, as Thom lunges for him. "You don't mean that!"

"Hell if I don't!" He struggles with Thom who's trying to restrain him. "Prissy little two faced rich girl…" and then Thom punches him in the jaw. And then Gale shuts up. And then Bristel stops trying to pull me away. And then the entire party freezes and watches us. Gale's eyes meet mine and I see pain, and anger, and a broken heart. Then he shoves Thom off of him and stumbles away.

"Madge," Thom runs toward me. "He didn't mean that… he's drunk…"

"Sure," I mumble, wiping at my eyes. "I'm g-going home."

* * *

><p>As I stumble home, half empty flask in hand, not caring if peacekeepers find me or not, half drunk, half teary-eyed, footsteps stumble behind me.<p>

"Madge," he sighs as he get closer. "Stop walking so fast would you?"

"Leave me alone, Gale," I mutter. His hand is rough on my shoulder but gentle as it spins me around. "Just go home."

"I didn't mean it," he says, lowering his forehead to me. The gesture is so familiar and warm it makes that lump in my throat come back. "I'm drunk; you know I didn't mean it."

"But didn't you?" I whimper, meeting his eyes. "You don't mean this either, _because you're drunk_." He pushes a strand of loose hair out of my face and takes the flask from my hand, slipping it into his back pocket.

"You don't need that," he soothes me.

"Neither do you," I retort, my breath catching in my throat. Him being so close to me is not doing good things for my stomach. It's flopping and twisting and spinning and I'm almost tempted to kiss him. But I can't. I won't.

"Madge," he frowns, his eyes study mine. I have to look away. I _have_ to. But I don't. "I miss you," he tells me, his voice barely a whisper. "Hell, I miss you…"

"You can't do this to me," I jerk away from him and he stumbles back. "You can't degrade me and call me a townie only to tell me you miss me. You just can't, Gale. I can't handle it." I walk a few steps, but he follows me, reaching for my hand. I move it out of the way just before he grabs it, because I know if he does then I'm a goner. The thought of his large callused hands enveloping my smooth tiny piano playing ones make the lump come back. Okay, let's be honest, it never left. Stupid lump.

"Why didn't you tell me about the results?" he asks, his hand reaching for mine again. This time he catches it and I spin around to face him.

"Would it have changed anything?" I ask timidly.

"I don't know, Madge," he says honestly. He backs me up until I'm leaning against a nearby tree. "All I know is that I'm the biggest asshole in Panem and no matter how many times I say sorry it isn't going to be enough."

"You talk a lot when you're drunk," I reply with a shaking voice, and then he pushes another strand of hair back.

He smirks, "I mostly just say what's on my mind. And right now that's you."

"Gale,"

"You did great in that show tonight. Really, you did."

"Gale," I repeat as his hand cups my face gently. It's warm against the cold whipping of the wind.

"And you looked beautiful too. You're the only reason I went." He leans in close and his lips are centimeters away from mine. "Tell me to stop if you want me to stop," he breaths, his breath tickling my skin. "I'll stop if you want me to," his nose bumps mine. My heart picks up. My eyes flutter shut. How can something so wrong feel so right? One kiss to the jaw. "Just tell me to stop," he mumbles. Another kiss to the jaw. The word lingers on the tip of my tongue but I can't say it. I don't want to say it. I have to say it.

"Why'd you call me a townie?" I ask instead of making him stop. Because I don't want him to stop. Another kiss to the jaw, closer to the neck. My insides are stirring and my thoughts are racing.

"Because you're so much better than me," he mumbles against me. "You deserve so much better but I don't want you to have any better because I want you for myself. Because I'm selfish and I think the best way of making you realize I'm wrong for you is to insult you with thing I don't actually think are true."

"G-Gale," I sigh as he kisses beneath my ear.

"You don't want me anyways," he whispers. "Why should you?" But I do… "I'm awful to you."

"N-not right now," my hand travels to his neck and forces him to stay near me.

"Even now," he says before another kiss. "Just tell me to stop…" he says again, his breath against my cheeks. "Or you can kiss me…"

"We can't," I finally exhale. He nuzzles into my neck and I silently curse turtlenecks. I hate turtlenecks. I get shivers just thinking about what Gale would've done to my collarbone by now… "I can't do this. My head's going to explode, Gale."

"Then stop thinking," he pleads. "Just kiss me." I look up, his eyes meeting mine, and then I jerk my head into a no.

"I can't," I repeat, pushing him away. This ends in heartbreak. This ends in tears. This ends in me on Darius' couch with a cup of tea and a box of tissues. "I can't do this!" Under my breath I add, "Not if you don't want to be with me." Gale reaches for me to spin me back around and add to what I just said when someone cuts us off.

"Hey!" A voice calls, and both Gale and I snap our heads to the source. "What the hell's going on?"

"Get outta here, Abernathy," Gale hisses. "Mind your own business." My eyes dart between the two and I shove Gale's arm off my shoulder. "Madge, we've gotta talk…"

"No," I call back, biting the inside of my cheek. Why would he want to be with me when he can have Katniss? Isn't that how relationships are supposed to work anyway? Friends first and then the dating? They'd be perfect at it… I start walking away but he follows after. Haymitch steps in his way.

"She said no, now go home," he says harshly. I turn around to watch the scuffle and I hug my arms to my chest.

"Stay out of this," Gale snaps, trying to push past him, but he's still partially intoxicated and is no match for our districts previous victor. "Madge,"

"Don't make me get the peacekeepers," Haymitch growls. Gale pauses, looks at me, and then with a grunt turns around and makes his way back to the party. "You okay, Undersee?"

"Fine," I mutter, turning away from him and starting back toward my house again.

"He touch you?" Haymitch has decided to walk me home.

"No, he didn't touch me!" I cry, and he falters in his step, pausing to watch me as I wipe my eyes. Hell if I'm crying again. "He didn't touch me." Not in the way Haymitch is asking, anyway.

"What are you doin' hanging out with him anyway?" he asks. I cross my arms tighter and don't answer his question. "Listen, Undersee, I get it. You don't wanna talk to me, but if he…"

"He didn't do anything, Haymitch," I say forcefully. "Please. Just drop it. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's all." He nods curtly and continues to walk. "Why're you in the Seam?"

He chortles, "I could ask you the same thing, townie. At least my roots grow here." I _humph _again and cross my arms as tight as I can.

"Surprised you could walk," I snap back.

"You and me both, sweetheart." The Victory Tour is taking off shortly so I wonder if he just wanted a reminder of where he came from. I won't ask though, I never would. I'm about to apologize for my rude behavior when he says, "You might want to stay away from that boy."

All I can say back is, "I'll make my own decisions, thank you."

Haymitch sighs and runs his hand through his hair, glancing at me briefly. Then he tugs out his own flask and takes a swig. Everyone has flasks tonight. "How's your mother?"

"Why?" I bark. Does he know about the sickness? That might mean he knows about mine. He can't know about mine, can he?

"Just a question, Undersee,"

"She's fine," I mumble.

"That's good," he says under his breath. "Good." Another lag in conversation before he says, "You look a lot like her when she was younger, you know." Which by association means I look like Maysilee. I thought we had an unspoken agreement, Haymitch… I don't bring it up, you don't bring it up, we don't converse. But no, apparently not. "A lot like her."

"Everyone says so," I reply quietly. I don't want to look like Maysilee. I want to look like me. I want to be Madge, but I'll never stop having this invisible weight on my shoulder, this weight that doesn't belong to me.

"It's not a bad thing," he reiterates. "Just sayin'." I nod as we come up on my house. "Say hello to your mother for me if you can," he says. As an afterthought he adds, "Please. We were friends once…"

"Sure, I can do that,"

"Means a lot," he notes, and then watches me walk up the stairs.

"Thanks for walking me home, Haymitch," I call over my shoulder. He grunts in response and then I hear his footsteps drag through the rocks across the pavement. Without turning around I force myself into the house, closing the door tightly and leaning against it, sucking in a sharp breath. Maybe things will get better soon.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Teenagers and their damn emotions, sheesh. Sorry that this was kind of all over the place, a lot kinda happened... so Victory Tour soon, which means Jace/Gale confrontation... hm hm hm... enjoy!_


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: Apologizing in advance. **

* * *

><p>The door opens and our guests are ushered in, but I don't hear it. I'm too lost in my thoughts, in my music, to notice that there's someone else besides me. All I can think about is Gale. And Gale's breath. And Gale's teasing. And Gale's words. And how much I don't want him but want him more than I don't. And Gale, Gale, Gale…<p>

But when my piece stops and I hear the clap of a solo man, I realize we have guests. And I realize how I should have realized we had guests earlier. His eyes meet mine and a shiver shocks my spine.

"That was wonderful, Margret." The smell of blood and roses infiltrates my nose and I push myself off the bench quickly. I hate roses.

"President Snow," I say hurriedly before I curtsy in front of him. I've spoken to him a few times, but every time I do it makes me nervous. I find myself having a hard time to lock eyes with him, which is the one way I get across who I am to people. But not Snow, never Snow. "Thank you, President." I wonder what his business is, but I don't ask. Asking would be rude and unacceptable for the daughter of the Mayor. Instead, I stand straight and tall and act like the proper women I was raised to.

"Your piano skills have not yet failed to impress me. It's a shame your parents won't allow you to play for the Capitol." He watches me as I smooth my hands over my dress and fiddle with the tips of my hair. He knows he makes me nervous, and he enjoys it.

"If you wanted me to play for you I'm sure it could be arranged," I say politely. His lips curl into a smile and he nods. He studies me for a moment longer and then starts to take a stroll around the piano, looking at pictures my family has placed on the shelves and browsing book titles.

"It's a shame you have what your mother has," he says suddenly. My eyes widen and I go to ask how he knows, but of course he knows. He's the president of Panem for crying out loud, but why would he concern himself in individual affairs? Especially mine. "You could be wonderful." Instead of asking what he's talking about, I prove my worth.

"I still can be, sir." I say timidly. I meant it to come out as a roar, but it doesn't. Perks of being nervous, I suppose. Snow glances down and his eyes lock on my golden necklace, the replica of my pin, and he forces a smile before nodding. Then he goes to say something, but stops himself, finally tearing his eyes away from my jewelry. Moment's later he's ushered upstairs to converse with my father before he has to go to another meeting somewhere else. I get the shivers and then suddenly I'm not in the mood to play the piano again.

Instead, I wait for the office door to shut and echo through the house, and then my feet carry me to right outside of them. Sure, with the door being shut everything sounds muffled, but I can still hear bits and pieces. I wonder if I'd ever be suspected to listen in. I see Kasen eye me suspiciously, but he says nothing. Maybe because he knows if I learn anything important I'll tell him. We have an unspoken agreement, like that.

"…that daughter of yours needs to stay…" President Snow is the most prominent voice in the room.

"Yes sir, I'm aware…" my father replies. They're talking about me. My father and President Snow are talking about _me_ behind closed doors. "…help from the Capitol."

"That's what our deal is, Mayor Undersee…"

"…have to get her help. I can't have her end up like my wife…"

"…it certainly throws a wrench into the whole situation," Snow gaggles. This is about the sickness? "…anyone else know about the boy?"

"Not that I'm aware of," my father responds.

"Keep it that way," Snow returns sharply. The boy… Gale? Are they still talking about me? Maybe they're talking about Katniss now and I missed something… "Your Madge is quite a lovely girl," he says. "But there are things with the Hawthorne boy that…" and then their voice drop to the point where I can't hear them. What. What? No! I inch closer to the door but the floor creaks and I'm forced to push myself out of the spot I was sitting in before they realize I've been listening the entire time. Not only would I be punished but my father as well.

I make my way downstairs and pace the living room wishing I hadn't heard anything at all. Why would Snow be talking about me and Gale? Maybe I should be more worried at the fact that my father knows. But then again, there's nothing to know now, right? Why were they talking about Gale? Why were they talking about me! What deal did they make? My father should know better than to make deals with the devil. I'm so confused; my head is throbbing in a million different places.

I rush into the kitchen to the cabinet that holds our medicine supplies, reaching for a bottle of painkillers immediately.

"Madge," Kasen sits at the dining room table and doesn't look up from the book he's reading. It's some cooking book, I'm not surprised. "What're you doing?"

"My head hurts," I reply, two little pills spilling into my hand from the bottle. "Why would they be talking about _me_?" I ask aloud, more to myself than to him. "I don't get it." I pop the pills into my mouth and dry swallow them, almost choking to death but forcing them down without a cough.

"There's a lot in life we'll never understand," Kasen simply replies. Does Kasen know something? Why does everyone know something but me! But that's the thing, I guess I _do_ know things, things I probably shouldn't. I know about what D4 was doing, and I know about Katniss kissing Gale, and I know that my father has made a deal with the President involving me.

* * *

><p>Hours after President Snow leaves I'm still shaking and my head still hurts despite the medicine. I watch Katniss and Peeta leave for the tour on the TV and I can the truth behind it. The terror Katniss possess. The steadiness Peeta brings to the situation. He really does love her and she has no idea what to do. That she loves Gale. It's in her eyes. I can see it. It makes me angry, it makes me sad, but mostly it makes me feel inferior.<p>

I pale in comparison to her… and not just by our skin tone. She's brave and determined and strong willed and beautiful and the Mockingjay, and I'm just… Madge. I'm the girl who gave her the name, made her the inspiration, but no one knows that. I'm just Madge, who sits at home and plays the piano while talking to the workers that probably envy me to no end. Kasen tells me I'm being ridiculous, as does Bristel, but I don't know.

"Madge, you know you can talk to me," Bristel says, and I nod. "Did you kiss him again?" Katniss and Peeta have been gone a few days now for the Victory Tour and I've yet to leave the house. I'm too wrapped up in my thoughts, too lousy to go out and see anyone. No one comes to see me either, and I don't mind.

"No," I mumble. "Almost… I," I sigh. "I wanted to." She wrinkles her face and goes back to fluffing pillows as I lounge across the couch. "Is that bad?"

"I don't know, probably." I wonder whose side she's on, but I won't ask. "I don't want you getting hurt, Madge." I wonder if Bristel has many other friends that are girls besides me. The way she's protecting me lately makes me think not, but maybe she's just acting as the older sister.

"A little late for that one," I grumble, and then she plops on the couch next to me. "Why is this so stupid?"

She shrugs, "Because that's life?" With a sigh I force myself off the couch. "Where ya going?"

"I just need to walk," I exhale, pulling on my winter coat. "I'll be back."

* * *

><p>The night drags on and so do my feet along the pavement. I have too much to be thinking about, I thought fresh air would help. But it doesn't. It also doesn't help that Jace's shop is the one I end up outside of.<p>

"What're you doing here?" he asks with a grin as I push open the door. Jace sits at the cash register with a book in his hands as he waits for the night time customers to stroll in. "It's not every day you pop in."

"Needed some air," I say half heartedly, my eyes scanning the jewelry in the cases. I still can't get over that copper bracelet. "Are you busy?" He raises an eyebrow and then glances around the empty shop with a smirk, causing me to laugh. "Funny. Wanna go for a walk?" His eyes light up and he yanks his apron off, throwing his book down beneath the counter. Jace calls up the stairs that he'll be back and his father lumbers down the stairs to take his place. He smiles curtly at me, and then at his son as he slides on his own jacket.

Jace and I fall into a comfortable silence as we stroll through the square.

"So, those people you went to the party with… was that the guy?" he asks, and I openly snort. He thinks I like Thom. "I'll take that as a no…" he laughs.

"Correct, that is not the guy." I'm not in the mood to talk about Gale, I just want to walk, to breathe in the winter air and watch the snowflakes glisten as they cascade from the nighttime sky, and sparkling once they hit the spotlights in the square and float to the ground.

"Was said guy at said party?"

"Why're you so curious?" I laugh. "Yeah, he was there." I rub at my nose, mostly because it's cold, and then sigh. I just want the snowflakes, damnit.

"And?"

"And nothing," I mutter. "I… and nothing. Just, nothing." Jace isn't a girl I can giggle with, and I doubt he'd appreciate the tale if I told him. Especially the almost kissing part, and the tingly part, and shit now I'm thinking about him again!

"Did you talk to him?" I groan and shake my head side to side into a gradual yes. "Still fighting for him?"

"I don't see the point!" I yell angrily, throwing my hands in the air. "What's the point of fighting for someone that's in love with someone else?" But it's not just that, it's the fact that we couldn't be together in a realistic world. My father wouldn't allow it. Standards and stereotypes wouldn't allow it.

"Hey," Jace sooths, grabbing my arm. "Relax. We're teenagers, Madge." With a sigh I link my arm with his and he pulls me closer.

"Why can't all boys be like you?" I wonder aloud, although I don't really mean to. But I keep going anyway. "You're nice and you give me your jacket although you're obviously cold and you get me flowers and…" he pauses in his step and looks at me, his eyes widening and searching mine. "What?"

We're near the center of the square now and on the screen there're clips of the feast they're having in District 11. Katniss and Peeta stand awfully close and whisper, although we can't hear. And from afar it looks like they're having a cute couple moment. I honestly doubt this, however.

Jace's eyebrows furrow at me but then he starts walking again. "Nothing."

"No," I pull him to a stop again. "What?"

He groans and I slip my arm from his so I can face him head on. "Am I really not obvious enough? Or are you just ignoring the fact that I like you?" I… I knew that. I guess. I guess I knew that, but hearing him say it out loud makes me… I don't know. Makes me something. The way his green eyes are filled with such confliction, sure nervousness.

"I…" Jace reaches forward and his finger tips dance across my cheek. I really need to stop that habit of lip licking, because I do that too.

"Because I like you," he adds, his fingers twisting up to brush my bangs behind my ear. The gesture makes my stomach knot because it reminds me of Gale. "A lot."

"Jace," I sigh, my hand covering his on my cheek. "I don't… I'm not…" Not what? Not sure how I feel about this at all. Not sure if I'm ready for something because this is a little fast. Too fast! As he starts leaning in toward me and I brace for the kiss I'm not even sure I want, someone runs into us. Someone knocks their shoulder into him and Jace stumbles toward me, grabbing me to make sure I don't fall but his shoulder ends up knocking my cheek anyway.

"What the hell, dude?" Jace turns to the perpetrator as I reach for my cheek, holding it as it throbs against the cold. My vision blurs for a moment but comes back into focus as the guy that hit him speaks.

"Whoops," a voice drones. "Didn't mean to interrupt such a sentimental moment." It's Gale. Of course it is. And he's drunk. He keeps walking past us but throws a glare over his shoulder, his footsteps are slow and lagging like he's waiting around.

"You alright?" Jace asks me quickly, turning back so his hand follows up to my cheek. "Didn't mean to hit you."

"I'm fine," I answer as fast as I can. "Come on, let's go." My hand reaches for his to pull him away before this gets ugly, but everyone knows boys. Once they have their mind on something no one can stop them, and there's no possible way I can postpone what's about to happen.

"No," Jace whips around. "What's your problem?" he shouts at Gale who turns on his heel, eager to return.

"Jace," I pull again, "Just drop it, it was an accident. Let's go! Please?"

"You want to know my problem?" Gale laughs, licking his teeth. "You're my problem." Taking a step closer he says, "I don't like you."

"I don't even know you," Jace looks at Gale suspiciously, and the back toward me.

"Gale, go home," I sigh, stepping toward him and in front of Jace as if that would stop Gale from attacking him. "Just go home…"

"You told me nothing was going on with him," Gale accuses, pointing a finger at Jace who watches the back and forth with squinted eyes. "It would appear as if you lied."

"Nothing _is_, now go home," I plead. "_Please_." Reasoning isn't going to help me, maybe if I stick out my bottom lip and widen my eyes he'll understand how desperately I don't want this to happen. I really don't want this to happen.

"Is this the guy you keep talking about?" Jace asks, trying to step forward and cuts me off. I hold my hand to his chest to stop him but he pushes past me anyway.

"Stay out of this," Gale snaps at him, lunging forward to push him but I step in the way. The distance between the two is getting immensely too close and I can't keep blocking their moves. "I go to your house looking for you so we can talk and Bristel tells me you went on a walk. She however didn't tell me it'd be with _him_."

"Go _home_," I say again.

"Why won't you talk to me? I just wanna talk, Madge," he runs a hand through his hair and tries walking toward me again, only Jace pulls me back forcefully. "Why do you wanna be with him?"

"Gale, stop," I plead, because I don't want to be with Jace. At least I don't think so, and now Jace think I do.

"This guy? You can't be serious, Madge. He's a drunk! From the _Seam_ no less!" Jace keeps tugging me backwards but my eyes stay locked with Gale's. That had to have been a low blow, and before I can try defend him I get shoved even further behind them.

"Like you're any better," Gale shoots back. There's more to this than town vs. Seam. I can tell by the way he says it, the way he bears his teeth and clenches his fists. "I know all about you…"

"Stop," I jump forward, but again, Jace pushes me behind him and lumbers even closer to Gale.

"Don't touch her like that," Gale snaps. "She isn't your fucking property."

"So I assume she's yours then?" Jace retorts, crossing his arms.

"She's more mine then she'll ever be yours," Gale hisses. "Madge, I just wanna talk to you."

"Leave her alone," Jace pushes him away at the shoulders as he steps for me. "There's a reason she was with me tonight and not you." Oh, _hell_. He didn't need to say that.

"Jace," I pull at his jacket. "Stop. Please, just stop." This isn't going to end well, this is _not_ going to end well. I can tell by the way Gale's jaw is locked, the way his gaze locks on me and darts between me and Jace.

"Oh you wanna do it that way?" Gale smirks, pushing him back. "We can do it that way." And then Jace pushes him again. That's how it always starts. The pushing. By now a few of the people passing by have stopped to watch. And another push, and a shove. Gale's the first one to throw a punch and I cringe at the sound it makes. Drunk or not, Gale has the advantage. He's taller, he's stronger, he's older, he hunts…

"Stop," I beg, placing my hand on Jace's shoulder. He just looks at me, then back at Gale, and shakes his head. Of course he's not going to walk away now, no boy ever does. Why can't they just have a word duel instead!

Jace cricks his neck and throws his arm back and then lunges at Gale, who stumbles, but doesn't fall. Blood swirls in my mouth after I bite my tongue and I'm frantically looking around for someone that'll do something. Anything! Gale throws another punch to Jace and hits him in the eye socket. I cringe as Jace jumps forward again, punching Gale in the nose. Blood gushes from it immediately and I force myself to look away before I get nauseous.

The grunts of pain, the air of people gossiping and pointing… we're in the middle of the square! Peacekeepers will be here any second…

"Hey!"

"Break it up!" The bark of the authorities is what finally gets the two away from each other. I take a few steps back before someone notices I'm involved, and let the Peacekeepers handle the mess. Each of them grab a bruised and bloodied boy, yanking them away to opposite sides of the square. I don't know the one that has Jace, but Darius is the one that's dragging Gale away.

I make my way to Jace first who's pointing toward Gale and shouting something like _started it_! But the Peacekeepers don't really care, why should they? The boys are off the hook in minutes with a warning and are already on their way back to late night gambling while on duty. But Darius stays with Gale and they both look toward me.

"Idiot," I mutter to Jace as I paw at his eye, ignoring the gaze from across the square. "Can you even see?"

"Stars," he smirks. "It'll be fine." I glance toward Darius and Gale again and now Darius is shoving his finger at his chest, Gale sighs and looks up at the sky, shoving his hands in his back pockets.

"Hey, I'm gonna go talk to them. Wait for me, okay?"

"I don't want you talking to him," Jace growls and reaches for me, but I shake his hand off my wrist.

"Darius is there, I'll be fine." Jace locks his jaw and his eyes flicker back to the two. "Relax. Wait for me?" he nods, and then I'm scurrying over to the other two. I need to tell Gale to stop this. The crowd has already broken up so it's not hard to make my way over. The way they're turned, neither of them can see me, so I creep up to their conversation.

"You can't keep doing shit like this Gale," Darius says sternly. "One of these days you're going to get arrested for insubordination, or worse! Don't make me be the one to do that."

"I just wanted to talk to her," Gale replies sadly. "Why won't she talk to me?"

"Maybe because it always ends in an argument," Darius replies. I can hear the annoyance in his voice. "If you really care about her then maybe you'll need to let her go."

"I _can't_," Gale stresses.

"Why not?" I ask quietly. They both turn and Darius' eyes are filled with grief at sight of me. As they meet mine I jerk my head and tell him to step away. After an inner deliberation with himself, he does so, but stays in distance. His back is turned but I wonder if he's listening. Maybe just waiting until I leave so he can slip in a few more words with Gale.

"Madge," Gale steps toward me, but I lean back, only to step forward again when I remember he's bleeding. He's done a tragic job at wiping away the evidence.

"You're ridiculous," I mumble, catching the blood from his nose with the back of my hand. "Why do you feel the need to get in fights over me?" I act angry, but truthfully it makes me giddy. The fact that someone would go to the extremes to prove that they cared about me…

"I don't feel the need to," he sighs at my touch. "I just do. You're worth fighting for." _Worth fighting for_, my insides groan.

"And what's with you drinking all the time all of a sudden?" I hiss, still wiping up blood. "I don't like it."

"Yeah, and I don't like him," Gale says, his eyes darting to the building where Jace stands, his arms crossed, watching us. "I don't like _this_," he says, gesturing toward the sky. "The way we can't talk without something dramatic happening." I study his face for a moment but say nothing. "What you said after that party, how I didn't want to be with you… Madge that's not true." I bite my lip and refuse to meet his eyes, instead busying myself with another cut I don't know how he received by his ear. "This feels too familiar," he murmurs with a smirk. "If only we had some white liquor…"

"Gale," I sigh, dropping my hands.

"What do you see in him?" he reaches down and lifts my chip up so I look at him. His eyes are hurting, empty, desperate. He licks his lips and his hand cups my face. "Hm?"

"Who said I see anything in him?" I manage to force out.

He drops his hand from my chin and looks away, a tinge of anger on his face. "I did. You were two inches from his face, Madge. You gonna tell me he took advantage of you?"

"He didn't!" I say quickly, but then again, it was too fast for me. I'm not even sure how I feel about him.

"Exactly, I know he didn't, now what do you see in him?" I bite the inside of my cheek and turn to look at Jace, who's still watching us with an impassive face.

"Not the same thing I see in you," I admit. To that he smiles and I have to look away for a minute before I find myself blushing. There's something about Gale's smile that makes me itch and bubble no matter how many times I see it. I'll never get used to it.

"Does he make you feel like _this_?" he asks, closing the spaces between us so his lips hover in front of mine. A certain type of nervous strikes my bones and I feel my knees start to shake. I have an uncontrollable urge to step on my tiptoes and force his lips against mine. My heart increases speed and I wouldn't care if it stopped beating right here and now. His hand caresses that spot on my neck that drives me up the wall and I can feel his breath against me. That desperate need for him. That _passion_ that makes me want to touch his skin. It drives me crazy that he knows he can do this to me, make me feel like this.

"I can't be with you," I force out before I do actually end up kissing him. His eyebrows knit together and he steps away. My eyes won't rise to meet his. "I _can't_, Gale."

"Why? You want me. I want you…"

"You still cheated on me," I say quickly. "You love Katniss…" My excuses are always the same and if we're being honest, I don't mind either of these anymore. I've accepted the fact that if I wanted to be with him then it would always be that way.

"Why can't I love you too?" he asks irritably, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

"Because you _don't_," I stress. What's there to love about me? I'm no one special. And then I know what I have to say to get him to realize that we're not meant to be together. That it wasn't in the fates design no matter how badly I ache to be with him. That he can do so much better than me. Before I can even say it I can already feel tears bubbling behind my eyes. "We're too different. You need someone that understands you, someone that you don't feel like you need to impress."

"Madge," he goes to cut me off, his eyebrows knitted dismally and his hands unclenching.

"No one would accept it, Gale!" I shout, my words betraying my true thoughts. "You're wrong for me! And I'm wrong for you!"

"No," he's shaking his head. "No, you don't believe that."

"Yes," I lie. "I do. We should just end everything here and now. Friendship and all. We were a mistake. A mistake I want to forget." I'm lying. I've never lied like this before, where it hurts both me and the person I'm lying to. He reaches for me but I step back, dropping my eyes to the snow that falls behind him. "Gale, we aren't meant to be like this. Don't you get it? We're always fighting! There's always going to be _something_, and I don't want to deal with it anymore." Then, like a proper mayor's daughter should do, I stood up straight and sucked in a sharp breath, making sure I annunciate every syllable, "So I won't. Goodbye, Gale."

His lips part and he goes to form a word, but he can't, and I can't, and my feet carry me back across the street to Jace, and I don't look behind me. I hear Darius' footstep and a hand on a shoulder.

"Let her go, Gale," Darius says quietly, and then something else but I can't hear it. All I hear is the throbbing of my heart in my ears.

I even walk past Jace but he knows to follow me. "What'd you say to him?" Jace asks, his voice strained.

"Why?" I mumble, wiping my eyes inconspicuously so he doesn't know that I'm crying. Hell, I'm crying!

"It looked like you shattered him," Jace says quietly.

"Good," I choke out. But I don't mean that. I don't mean that at all. I shattered myself too, oh hell! Why did I say that? _I had to_, I remind myself. _It's for the best_. But I can't accept that and I have to force the tears back into my eyes. We walk in silence all the way back to my house until he stops me.

"Where do we stand?" he asks. Snowflakes nestle themselves in his hair and on his eyelashes. They make his eyes look even more childlike, more curious.

"Outside my house," I mutter, and he smirks.

"No shit," he laughs. "I meant relationship wise."

"I know what you meant," I grumble. "I just don't know." I don't know and I don't know if I can think about that even because if Gale hadn't popped out of the ground then I would have kissed him, I know I would have.

"Alright," he says, stepping closer. Jace's hand pulls my chin toward him gently and before I know what's happening he presses a light kiss to my lips. Not too fast, not too slow, it manages to force all the air out of my system and the pink from my cheeks. "Lemme know when you have an idea, okay?" His fingers lightly brush a bit of snow out of my hair as I nod. "Goodnight, Madge."

I don't know how long I sit out on my porch that night just thinking. Thinking about the kiss that Jace gave me and how it was so miniscule I don't even know how it made me feel. I try to remember his taste, his scent, but I can't. All I remember is a warm breath in the cold winter, and nothing else. I try to remember the last time he gave me butterflies or made my skin tingle or my heart jump, but I can't. Does any of that happen to me when I'm around him? I don't think so. I don't know.

And then I think about the things I said to Gale and how I didn't mean _any_ of it. Any. Not a single bit. And how Jace said I shattered him. And how I might have possibly done just that and it doesn't benefit anyone because I shattered myself too. How Gale had nothing to say to me and how I'll never be able to face him again. How I've just ruined any chance of repairing things between us for good, and I have to remind myself that it's for the best. But the best for who? Me? Gale? My father? The district? I don't know. I don't know anything.

Only when Kasen realizes I'm out on the porch and forces me inside do I stop crying. And not very much even then. I blow my nose through an entire box of tissues and Kasen sits by the fire with me without saying anything. He doesn't ask why I'm upset but it doesn't matter. I wouldn't tell him why, I won't tell anyone why. Because I've just lost Bristel and Thom too, because I'm the one that spoke this time, not Gale. Because the things I've said are unforgivable in the fact that they're not true and they're awfully hurtful. And because I've realized the one thing I never thought was possible. I may perhaps love the boy from the Seam.

* * *

><p><em>AN: So it appears I'm not very good at fight scenes? Sorry about that... oh sigh, my emotions. For all you that want Jace and Madge to be together, this is a Gadge fanfic you're in the wrong place LOL. He's not all he's worked up to be, just trust me okay? The worst guys always appear to be the best at first, wouldn't you agree? Oh, and special thanks to my lovely Sera (SrpiaEahn) for helping me with a segment! She's perf and is also writing a Gadge story (What Nettles Me), so check it out! Whipping in a few chapters... yeesh. What a conflict of emotions. At least tell me _some_ of you understand what's going through Madge's head in this chapter? _


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Does anyone even read these? Hello reader!**

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><p>Again my house is being transformed for the Victors that never stop winning. My father has instructed me to wear something nice, and the only nice thing I can think of wearing is the white dress I wore to the Reaping. He says I should change but I've already put it on and I just want to play piano until I'm forced to stop.<p>

It reminds me of when Katniss first got back and I tried teaching her to play. I hadn't mentioned this before, but she'd sit on the couch and just listen to me play. I did it because I wanted her to be happy considering she went through hell. She enjoyed the light tinkles, and it allowed me to get lost in my own thoughts as well, which, coincidently, were of Gale.

"I even taught Prim," I had told her. "I'm sure I can teach you too."

She just shook her head, "I'd much rather listen." I didn't push her any more though. I'd just play. Maybe I helped take her mind off things. She even took me into the woods twice to teach me to shoot. I wasn't very good, but that hadn't mattered. I just loved being in the woods.

Now, however, I sit playing the piano by myself. No one speaks to me as they rush back and forth hanging banners and streamers. Maybe they'll let me play something for the party, but I won't ask, so I probably won't. When Katniss gets here she runs over and wraps her arms around me from behind, giving me a quick hug before rushing up the stairs.

I know I'm not supposed to, but I follow. She doesn't notice though, I just love Capitol clothing. Their style is a little ridiculous, but the dresses they make for us normal people are just stunning. I see them carry a silver gown into her room and sigh at the sight of it. Once again the girl on fire will outshine me. Not that I have anyone to impress, anyway.

As I'm forced away from the door I bump into Peeta, who catches me with a grin.

"Madge!" He's already ready, damn boys. It only takes them minutes. His hair's gelled back and it looks ridiculous, but I don't say anything. "It's so good to see a friendly face, you have no idea." I force him into a spare room angrily and jab my finger at him.

"Your stupid friend kissed me!" I shout as he shuts the door. "On the _lips_!"

Peeta's eyes widen and his lips part. "Yeah, Jace!"

"Peeta!" I hiss, slapping his shoulder. He just grins. "This isn't funny," I say, crossing my arms angrily.

"Oh, come on Madge! Jace really likes you." My stomach groans, because I don't like him like that. He watches me for a moment as my face contorts into… into something. "But you don't like him, do you?"

"He's so sweet," I sigh, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling at my hair. "Really, anyone would be lucky to have him. And he's a great guy! But he's not… he's not for me. He just isn't. It feels wrong."

He sighs, "Can't you give him a chance? He's been through a lot…changed a lot in the past few years…"

"Changed from what?"

Peeta raises his eyebrows, "Hm? Oh nothing." I cross my arms even tighter and Peeta frowns. "He didn't tell you?" he asks after a sigh.

"Tell me what?" I inquire, but again Peeta frowns.

"Jace used to have… problems. Some problems. Listen Madge, I'm not going to talk about it. I don't like gossip. There was a time in which I didn't talk to him for awhile because of the things he had done, but it's different now. If you want to know then ask _him_, alright? But I gotta go. I mean I figured he'd tell you of all people." And then he shrugs like he's saying sorry and makes his way out of the room, leaving me to collapse backwards with a groan.

* * *

><p>I leave just the spare room just in time to see Katniss enter my dad's study. I don't say anything, instead creep along the wall and listen in. The same announcer as last time is now discussing about an uprising in D8 and calls it a Level 3, whatever that means. Katniss shifts on her feet and I hear the creaking of the stairs, forcing myself down the hall into my own room.<p>

Katniss'll be in here in a few minutes! Look natural! I grab the brush from my side table and collapse onto the seat at my dressing table and start combing through my hair. A few moments later Katniss walks in and I smile.

"Look at you. Like you came right off the streets of the Capitol." She smiles back and I sigh. She truly is beautiful. I'd kill to wear that dress.

"Even my pin now. Mockingjays are all the rage in the Capitol," she tells me touching the pin on her dress lightly. "Thanks to you." I glance at myself in the mirror and am pleased to see that my necklace has fallen behind my dress so she can't see. That might be embarrassing. "Are you sure you don't want it back?" The way she talks to me is still so proper, it's strange.

"Don't be silly," I roll my eyes and place the brush down. "It was a gift." I snatch up the golden ribbon sitting on the counter in front of me and tie my hair back delicately.

"Where did you get it anyway?" she asks.

I'm never in the mood to talk about Maysilee, but Katniss has a right to know, "It was my aunt's, but I think it's been in the family a long time." Her eyes drop down to her pin again and I watch her trace it with her eyes like she did when I first gave it to her. The tiny wings, the tiny golden arrow.

"It's a funny choice, a mockingjay. I mean, because of what happened in the rebellion. With the jabberjays backfiring on the Capitol and all." I smile, because of course it's a funny choice. It's a funny choice on purpose. I don't know who made it for our family, but I remember why. My mother told me on the night I first discovered a picture of my aunt who donned the pin. We were part of the resistance. Or, well, used to be. I hadn't even thought about that when I gave it to Katniss. My mom would probably murder me if she knew I just gave it away… but of course she has to know by now. Maybe we're still part of the resistance…

"But mockingjays were never a weapon," I say, wondering if she catches the hint in my voice. The hint of rebels, the hint that I know what's going on too. The sarcasm mixed with fake curiosity. Maybe we can talk about it. "They're just songbirds. _Right_?"

But she doesn't. She says, "Yeah, I guess so."

* * *

><p>When I think no one's looking I pour a bit of white liquor into my drink. Of course, however, someone is looking, and they snatch the cup right out of my hand.<p>

"What the hell are you doing?" Haymitch says, sniffing the drink. "You crazy, girl?"

"Just thirsty," I reply, reaching for the cup, but he pulls it out of my reach.

"Why don't you go get some juice then, hm? More appropriate for a girl your age."

"I'm not a child, Haymitch," I snap, but then glance around to see if anyone is listening. He smirks and I cross my arms. "I have a lot on my mind."

"Don't we all? You're not even seventeen yet," he studies me for a moment. "Few more days if I'm correct."

"How do you know that?" I study him as well and try to see someone I haven't before and yet all I can find is the surly drunk. The man that tried his hardest to keep my aunt alive and failed miserably. He just smirks and tips the drunk, chugging it down in one take.

"You've got quite the taste in boys, Ms. Undersee," Haymitch says, raising the empty cup toward me like a toast, and then he stumbles away, taking the white liquor bottle with him.

* * *

><p>As I watch Peeta and Katniss slow dance from a distance Bristel walks up behind me. She nudges me with her arm and I look toward her. She hasn't talked to me since that night. I don't blame her. I wouldn't either.<p>

"Stop moping, would you?"

"I'm not moping," I snap back, crossing my arms. But I am. "What do you want?"

"Someone's here to see you," she says quietly. I turn and raise my eyebrows and she rolls her eyes. "You think he's stupid enough to show up here and now? Good one. It's that other kid."

"Why're you telling me?" I mutter. "I thought you were on Gale's side."

"I'm on the I'm-tired-of-you-two-fighting side and I-just-want-you-to-be-happy side. Fair?" I jerk my head into a yes. "Even though I am pretty pissed at you."

"I'm well aware," I mumble. "I did what I had to do, Bristel…"

"I don't want your stupid excuses, Madge,"

"It's more than what you think," I cut her off. "Okay?" She glares at me for a moment and I retain it, but slowly she nods.

"Alright, well you can tell me later then. Your stupid boyfriend's waiting out back."

"Not my boyfriend," I hiss before walking away.

* * *

><p>"Jace, what are you <em>doing<em> here?" I whisper, pushing open the door and sliding outside. I don't even have a coat and there's snow on the ground. The heat of the house is gone as I force my way into the whipping wind.

"Wanted to see you," he admits with a shrug and a smile.

"Well I'm a little busy," I say irritably. "If you couldn't tell."

"Don't tell me you actually want to _stay _at this party, do you?"

"Well I can't exactly go out like this," I gesture to the dress that falls above my knees. "Now, can I?"

"Got it covered," he grins, tossing me a jacket that hangs over his arms that he was clearly holding for me. I grab at it and yank it around me quickly, tugging the door shut and slowly forcing myself down the stairs. At least it isn't snowing right now and the wind isn't going crazy. Maybe we can talk for a few minutes.

"I have a question for you," I say, and he raises his eyebrows. "It's probably not anything you're expecting," I add quickly as an afterthought. His mind probably strayed back to those nights ago in which his lips pressed quickly against mine. How I haven't seen him since. Haven't wanted to.

"Well then, ask away." I kick my boot into the snow and think for a moment. How am I supposed to word this?

"I hear you've changed a lot in the past year," I finally sputter out. "For the better!" I again, add quickly. "But that means you would've had to have been bad in the first place…"

"Who told you that?" he snaps, shoving his hands into his coat pocket and narrowing his eyes. "That Hawthorne kid?"

"No," I say cutting him off quickly.

"Because I can tell you about that kid, don't even get me started." But instead of answering I continue to let him talk. "Stupid asshole from the Seam is what he is,"

"Jace," I hiss. "Stop that."

"Well he is!" Jace responds.

"Do you have a problem with people from the Seam?" I spit and cross my arms tightly around me. He raises an eyebrow and then nods his head.

"What if I did, eh?"

"I'd call you an idiot."

"Well then call me an idiot," he affirms. I open my mouth to shout at him but he stops me quickly. "Oh, come on Madge! They're nothing like us!"

"_Us?_"

"They don't even know what a shower is! No manners, no cleanliness, they're just awful!" My mouth falls open and then I realize I don't have anything to say. "They don't understand us! They're too brutal, you saw how that kid was in the square!"

"Yeah, because you didn't egg him on!" I snap. "What's your _problem_?"

"Are we seriously arguing about this?" he wonders aloud, his eyes rolling to the back of his skull. "This is pathetic."

"Yeah, it is pathetic," I nod enthusiastically. "Pathetic that you hold such a stereotypical frame of mind! Peeta's with Katniss, do you judge him for it?"

"She's not from the Seam," he says dismissively. "She's from the Victors Village."

"You're an asshole," I say flat out. "And no, Gale didn't say anything. Peeta did. So there's your answer." I turn around sharply and go to march up the stairs, beginning to un-zipper the coat when I hear him sigh.

"My sister was in the Games, alright Madge?" I face the door for a long time and don't turn around until he starts talking again. "I was thirteen, she was fifteen." When I'm facing him again I realize he's looking at the ground. "She obviously didn't make it home."

I rack my brain for an image of the girl; it was only four years ago. But that would have been my first Reaping, I was probably too terrified out of my skull to hear anything other than my heartbeat. I remember the dress I wore, the way my father's eyebrows creased, but I don't remember the names drawn, the color of Effie's hair. It's like the obvious things have been forgotten but the miniscule details remain intact. The way I bit my nails down to stubs. The fact that one of my socks was slipping down into my shoe.

"So I was mad, and I did some stuff," he finishes.

"Some stuff," I repeat. "Like what?"

He groans, "I'm not proud of it Madge,"

"I didn't ask if you were proud of it, I asked what it was."

Again he's staring at his feet and he starts digging into the ground with the toe of his shoe. "Like stole stuff." I squint at him, because I expected more. Not that stealing isn't bad, it's an offense of the Capitol and can be punishable by crime, but it's easy to get away with. "And smoked some," he continues after seeing me staring him down. The only things you can smoke in D12 are cigars and illegal drugs from the black market. I don't want to know which, but considering he could have had cigars due to his family status, I'm leaning toward the latter. "And messed around with a lot of girls."

"Anything else?" I ask, my monotonous voice doesn't boom off the wall or echo in the trees. It's flat.

"Remember that one girl that was taken away last year? Cressie Grenwald?" I nod, how am I supposed to forget? She was my age. Sixteen. Pregnant. Illegal. Capitol has rights to you and your newborn if you're pregnant before you turn eighteen, the legal age to get married and have kids. The year you get out of the Reaping. "Well she… her…"

"It was you?" my voice slips out of my lips slowly. "You were the… the…"

"I'm not proud of it, Madge!" he sighs, his brows furrowing. "They took her away… there wasn't anything I could do to stop it… it kept me up at night." My lips refuse to form words, my voice has gone missing in the wind. "It still does." My mouth opens and closes like I need to say something but I can't, and I think my eye's twitching. "I'm not like that anymore; I'd never mess around or anything…"

"Jace," his name finally is forced out of my throat. My hand runs up through my hair and I forget it's tied back, the ribbing falling out into the snow. His eyes go to watch it fall. "Why didn't you tell me that? _Any_ of that?"

"I already said I'm not proud of it," he mutters, spinning away for a second only to turn back to me. "And this wasn't exactly how I planned on telling you."

"_Did_ you plan on telling me?" Again he looks away. "I don't even know who I'm looking at because you sure as hell don't look like Jace."

His eyes pick up and meet mine, "That isn't me anymore, Madge!" He takes three long strides and makes his way to me. "Cressie… after Cressie I couldn't… I didn't…"

"Did you love her?"

"Of course I loved her Madge, I wouldn't have had sex with her if I didn't." He pauses for a moment and adds, "I still do. But I'm never gonna see her again. I don't even want to _know_ what they did to her…" his face breaks as he thinks about it, taking a step back.

As I watch emotion after emotion flicker across his face a realization dawns on me. Cressie's long dark curly hair, her tanner skin and big brown eyes. "Cressie was from the Seam, Jace."

"Don't act like I don't know that," he snaps. "I know that!" He sighs. "I know that…" The more I think about it the more of a complete opposite from Cressie I am. I'm short, she was tall. I'm blonde. I'm blue eyed. I'm mostly reserved. From town. Always getting into danger. She caused it. She was a troublemaker. A flirt. A happy go-lucky girl.

"Why do you like me?" I whisper. His eyes glisten up to meet mine. "Honestly?"

"Honestly?" he repeats, and I nod slowly. He takes another step and his hand reaches forward to catch my cheek. "Because you're nothing like her." My hand reaches up and covers his, but I gently pry it off.

"You should go home, Jace," I say quietly. Slowly, I remove the jacket from around my shoulders and lower it into his hands. "Maybe drink some tea." His eyes don't meet mine and he clenches the jacket in his hands before lumbering a few steps away. I stand in the cold, watching him make his way out of the backyard.

"Hey, Madge?" he calls over his shoulder, and then turns around to face me. A minuscule smile slides onto his face. "Thanks." I smile lightly at him. "Friends?"

"Please," I reply. And then his smile spreads even larger.

"Tell Peeta I hope he's having fun," he calls after turning away again. "He totally hates these things." With a laugh I force myself back into the house.

* * *

><p>"Who'd you slip out to see last night, Madge?" my father mulls over the morning paper with a cup of coffee and squints at me behind his reading glasses.<p>

"No one?"

"Nice try dear," he heaves my golden ribbon onto the table. "But it didn't snow last night. Footprints were perfectly intact."

"Just a friend," I say, and Kasen snickers as he hands me my cup of tea. "Oh hush, would you! He's just a friend!"

"I wouldn't have even noticed you went out if Haymitch hadn't passed me this," he continues, pulling up a bottle from his lap and slamming it down on the table so it echoes through the house. It goes deafly quiet. Not even Kasen makes a sound in the kitchen. "Want to tell me why he felt the need to hand me this in the middle of a crowded party where I'm trying to keep important officials impressed?"

My heart drops into my stomach, "Maybe he wanted you to keep it so he didn't drink anymore?" The suggestion is weak, my voice even shakes as I say it.

"Nice try. But you're grounded." I lift the cup of tea to my lips and sip at it slowly. Noises begin to reanimate in the kitchen and I basically inhale my entire drink. "What's gotten into you lately? Sneaking off to see boys, drinking? The fact that Haymitch was the one to tell me makes me so…"

"I'm sorry, Daddy!" I cry out. "But I'm tired of always being proper all the time! It isn't me!" He drops his paper and his eyes narrow, and then he yanks his glasses off, also slamming them on the table.

"Was it that Hawthorne boy?" the seething behind his voice makes me cringe.

"No! It was Jace! He just wanted to say hello, I swear!" My father lifts his hands and rubs at his chin, and then at his temples. My chin quivers as he stares at me, and then he sighs. "I won't do it again, Daddy. I swear I won't. Please don't ground me."

"If I ever hear anything, _anything_, about you drinking again I'm going to lock you in your room for so long you won't see sunlight unless the sun explodes. Do you hear me?" I nod quickly and again, he sighs. "I thought I raised you better than that, Madge." I want to retort something witty like, _well I _am_ a teenager_, or maybe, _didn't you drink when you were younger?_ But I don't. "I should've expected it I guess, with a Godfather like the one you've got."

Godfather. The title sounds so foreign. I haven't even heard the word God since I was little and my mom read me stories from a book we weren't supposed to have. Faith is something our district lacks, someone almost no one speaks of anymore. We don't have churches, we don't even curse His name. He's just vacant. Not in the air. No one wants to think of Him, because who would be so cruel to us?

"I have a Godfather?" Of course it would have been my mother's idea. She's the one that always liked those sorts of things. That idea that someone out there is watching over us. I never believed in God. Not the one she told me about, anyway. Why would anyone watching over use let something so tragic happen to us? Let someone like the Capitol be in charge? "Who?"

"I didn't say that," my father looks up quickly. "I said…"

"Godfather," I assert. "I heard you say it, Daddy." My father's not a man of faith either. I'm sure the topic makes him uncomfortable.

"It's all your mothers doing," he assures me. "I have nothing to do with it, but she insisted…"

"Who is it?" I ask again, gripping the underside of the table. I'm piecing together all the clues in my head to figure it out. Maybe one of the Capitol officials? It can't be Snow… if it's Snow I think I'll volunteer next year… maybe Mr. Mellark? Him and my mother were friends once…

But I figure out who it is just as my father tells me. Because my mother was friends with him once too, once a long time ago. And he knows my birthday. And jumps up to protect me. And tries steering me on the proper path. "Haymitch," his voice is gentle. "Haymitch Abernathy."

* * *

><p><em>AN: Plot twist? Too much of a stretch? Tell me your thoughts, please! I couldn't make Jace too awful, for those of you who wondered if he was a totally tragic person. But we all make mistakes, and so yeah. Besides, I kind of love him a lot... I couldn't just ruin him! It's not like he could be Cassius! Speaking of Cassius... keep your eye out for him. He's always lurking in the shadows... Enjoy! _


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: I'm glad some of you read them c: Might as well throw in that Queen Collins still owns all characters (besides Jace and Cassius, of course c;)**

* * *

><p>"Ended it?" Bristel questions about Jace as she lounges across the armchair. "Like how you ended it with Gale?"<p>

"I just ended it, Bristel," I groan. I could never be with someone who wasn't over someone they lost anyway, and he didn't like me, just the idea of me. We're much better off being friends where we can mope over lost loves together… "I never liked him like that anyway." She rolls her eyes and fiddles with her hair. There's nothing for her to do today, but she's here anyway. Of course not in her maid outfit, but some jeans and a sweatshirt. Her new coat is by the door. I know why she's here, but she hasn't brought it up. I wonder if I push it back if she'll push it back too. But of course, she doesn't.

"So are you going to give me these real reasons why you broke it off for good with _him_, then?" By him, she means Gale.

"If you want," I say quietly.

"That's why I'm here," she rolls her eyes again. Now she's just tolerating me. I'm debating if I should just shove her out the door and say something rude considering no one wants to hang out with me, just get information from me. I'm just a filler for everyone.

"I've been having headaches," I mumble. She raises her eyebrows slightly at me and I sigh. "It's how it started with my mom. Headaches. Chronic ones. Every time I take medicine they just get worse."

"That stupid disease?" she asks, and I scoff. Stupid? It's life defining. "I mean, the…"

"Save it," I mutter. "My mom told me that it started with headaches and blurry vision. It gets so bad you can't even talk because it hurts your ear, and everything gets really bright." I sigh, "I can't be in a relationship like that, Bristel."

"Well what about until then? You _know_ he'd make it work, Madge!"

I take a deep breath and run my hands through my hair, the tangled mess tumbling down over my shoulders. "Yeah, well I heard Snow talking about me and him," I say in a hushed voice. "I didn't hear specifics but all I heard was that I needed to stay away from him." We both glance toward the stairs where my father sits upstairs in his study. No wonder he's been trying to get me away from him, using insults he can't actually mean.

"Are you joking?"

"No, Bristel," I say irritably. "I don't want him getting hurt, alright?" No matter how much I rack my brain I can't figure out why Snow was talking about _me_, why me and Gale together is so important to them.

"So you still care about him?" I blink a few times and then nod slightly. How can I not? My heartbeat quickens just when I have thoughts of him. But I'm not going to let him get caught up in the drama of my life, the inevitable downfall of everything I am. I'm not going to let Snow do anything to him. I'll just bring him down with me. "Madge, if you want to be with someone then…"

Bristel gets cut off by the sound of my front door nearly slamming off its hinges. She sits up properly the second the perpetrator comes into the room her eyes widen. A peacekeeper yanks his helmet off and charges up to me. I jump off of the couch but he pushes me back down.

"Darius?" I ask, leaning forward on my knees as his frazzled red hair is unleashed and leaps around. "What's wrong?"

"New head peacekeeper," he says breathlessly, his hands on his hips as he swallows down air. "Just watched them ship Cray off." Again, he takes a deep breath. "Gonna cut off his tongue." Bristel, who I presume has never spoken with Darius before, is still watching wide eyed.

"What?" I ask, and he shakes his head, sitting on the couch next to me, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

"It's because he knew about Katniss, Madge," he tells me, sucking in some air. "They didn't say flat out but I know, I know that's what it was." Bristel's eyes dart to me and then to him, multiple times. "I have a bad feeling about today, alright? I want you to stay here."

"Darius," I go to start, but he cuts me off.

"Or at least don't do anything stupid, alright?"

I nod, "Of course not." He stands up abruptly and runs his fingers through his messy hair, gazing down at Bristel who sits with her hands crossed across her lap.

"You either," he points to her. "This guy's _crazy_. But I gotta go." And then he leans down and he wraps me in his arms as tight as he can. "Something's going to happen," he says again, quietly in my ear. "Things are changing for the worse. I can feel it. Stay safe, Madge. Stay strong. Be brave." Darius then drops me and scurries out the door again.

After the door slams shut again I glance toward Bristel who's gnawing at her lips. "Darius?" she asks again, and I nod. I had told her about the night I spent on his couch. "He seems… nice?"

"Do you think he's serious?" I ask as I chew the inside of my cheek. Darius never just charges in. He didn't even _knock_. Of course, being a peacekeeper he doesn't have to, but he has manners. He knows when to cross the line.

"Well how often is it he just comes barging in your house?" she inquires with a frown. "Come on, let's go for a walk."

* * *

><p>How we end up outside of Gale's house is a question beyond me. I'm too lost in my thoughts worrying about Darius to even notice my surroundings, and I'm almost 100% sure Bristel's done this on purpose. She keeps asking me questions about Darius. Where he's from. Why he's here. Our friendship. It keeps me thoroughly distracted until I look up and see the small house in the Seam.<p>

"Oh, come on," she groans, yanking me forward as I turn away. "We have to warn him!" And warn him we do, because moments later he pushes his way out of the door with a hunting bag slung over his shoulder. It's still early, but being Sunday he doesn't have to go out as early. He has all day to hunt.

"What're you doing here?" he spurts out quickly, obviously surprised by the sight of us.

"Going hunting?" Bristel asks, and he rolls his eyes and starts walking past her. "Gale, just be careful, okay? Really, really careful." His eyes dart toward me and then back toward her.

"Why? What's wrong?" he asks, his eyes lighting up with curiosity as he tightens the strap on his bag. His entire gaze is on Bristel and he doesn't even acknowledge that I'm a few feet next to her. I don't blame him.

"New Peacekeeper," I say quietly. Again, his eyes dart toward me. His mostly-gray orbs meet mine and his jaw tightens.

"Wonder if he likes turkey," he drones, then turns back to walk away again. Bristel crosses her arms then looks toward me.

"You're the only one that can talk some sense into him," she snaps. "Now go." With a huff I chase after him, his footsteps increasing slightly when he becomes aware he's being followed. I make it all the way to the meadow before he finally turns around.

"What do you want, Madge?" he sighs, his arms hanging limp at his side.

"Don't hunt today," I walk closer to him. "Please?"

"It's Sunday," he replies. Sunday. His only day off in the week. The day he hunts with Katniss. The day just for her. Of course he has to go. I scratch at my ear and tug my scarf tighter. He looks toward the sky and frowns, "Should snow later, you might want to go home."

"Gale," I reach forward as he starts to walk again. His eyes are pained, like he can't believe I'm bothering to talk to him. Like I've shattered him and he doesn't know why I'm trying to slowly piece him back together.

"You're the one that insisted I was in love with her and only her," Gale says quietly. He's not angry. He's not harsh. Just soft, tired. I'm tired too. Tired of this. Tired of fighting and biting words and unnecessary drama. "She's with Mellark, it wouldn't matter if I was or wasn't."

"Then tell her," I insist, my voice cracking. "I see it in your eyes, Gale. Tell her! You'll see it. She'll do anything to be with you because I see it in her too." If I can't be with him then please, please let him be with Katniss. They're perfect for each other, both from the same background with similar problems. They understand each other. I just want him to be happy…

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, "I gotta go." My arm hand reaches out and touches his arm and he pauses in step. He turns back and confliction flickers in his eyes. "Is that what you want? For me to tell her I love her?"

Grudgingly I nod my head yes, "If you mean it." He reaches the back of his hand up to trace my cheek and I pull my head away. "I thought you had to go," I mumble.

"Not if you don't want me to," he replies gently. "I can stay here with you."

"Just be careful, alright?" I back away slowly and he nods. "Promise me."

"I promise, Madge," he sighs, and then turns his back to me, his footsteps crunching over the snow. He frowns at me before slipping under the fence quickly and jogging the rest of the way up the hill.

* * *

><p>"And you still let him into the woods, you idiot," Bristel barks at me. "You should've just asked him to stay with you! He would've!"<p>

"I know he would've and that's why I had to let him go," I groan. It's been hours since Gale's disappeared behind the fence. Bristel, of course, has spend every minute since yelling at me for being an _idiot_ and letting him scamper off into the woods to die. Every time a peacekeeper walks by we jerk our heads in their direction and stop our conversation. I glance toward the sky and sigh, "Looks like Gale was right, it's definitely going to snow." I hate the snow. I prefer a warm fall or a breezy spring.

"Not until later though," Bristel says, shivering as a breeze whips past us. "It's going to be rough, I can tell." We squint up at the sky and continue our walk down the street. "Do you feel that?" she asks.

"My bones shattering in my body from the immense amount of cold? Yes, yes I do." A loud shouting muffled by a chattering crowd carries over to us but we can't decipher the words. She steps on her tiptoes to get a better view but she doesn't know what direction to look.

"No," she shakes her head. "Something's wrong." Her head finally snaps in the direction of the square. There's a scuffle going on, the sound of a hammer and nail into a wooden post, a grunting and a stretching of ropes. "Maybe we should've stayed in like that friend of yours said," she whispers, pulling me off toward the square.

"You don't want to be going there," a voice calls to us. I turn first and Haymitch is emerging from a shop empty handed. "Bad news, that's what it is." At first sight of him I want to punch him in the face, yell at him for never telling me what he is to me. I try searching him to see the savior, the hero, and yet all I can see is the drunk. My Godfather the drunk! Wrinkles form between his eyebrows as he squints at me, but I doubt he knows I know yet. Unless my father said anything. Which I also doubt. How long has he paid attention to me? Does he keep tabs on my life? Does he even care about me? He must. Must've been watching from afar.

"Why?" Bristel presses him. "What's going on?" That's when we hear it though. The first crack. Haymitch visibly cringes and steps in the way of our view. "What was that?" Bristel demands, shoving her way past him. However, past him is a crowd that blocks our view. The audible grunting of pain carries over their heads, however, and my eyes widen in fear.

"No," I breathe, slowly dragging behind Bristel. "It can't be…" Bristel's already running and Haymitch places his hand on my shoulder as if to say _stop_, but I can't stop. And I won't stop until I know that it isn't him… that it can't be him… "No, no, no, no…"

"Just get home, Madge," Haymitch tries pulling me back but I'm determined. My feet dig into the ground and I force his hands off of me. I shove people out my way forcefully to get a better view, Haymitch hot on my trail. Every time his arm reaches to grab me and pull me back I jerk him off and push even farther into the crowd. By the time I'm near the front of the square Bristel's already forcing her way back.

"I've gotta get Thom," she murmurs exasperatedly, tears pushing on her eyes as she charges past me. "Stay here." I nod, but look around. Everyone glances at me and Haymitch briefly but their eyes always fall back on the whipping post. The man who has his arms raised with the slim whip. The other man restrained at his hands hunched over in pain. The turkey hanging from above him catches my eye. _Wonder if he likes turkey_. I know it's Gale before I even see him.

"No," I breathe again, and there Haymitch is trying to pull me back. "Get off me!" I shout, shaking him away, but he grabs tighter. "They'll kill him!" I yelp, clawing my way forward, but he pulls me back forcefully. Another whip. Another whip. "Stop him!" My cries are muffled by the chatter of the crowd, by Haymitch's hand over my mouth.

"You think stepping up now is going to help anyone?" Haymitch growls, his eyes fierce as they meet mine. "You'll just get yourself killed, along with him!" Tears are pushing at my eyes and all the oxygen has been forced out of my lungs as I glance toward the post one last time. His ruffled dark hair, his soft olive skin, his toned arms flexing…

The moment I see him it doesn't feel real. Gale, only ten or so lashes in, cringing in pain, but refusing to cry out. Grunts and moans of agony escape his throat. His eyes look up and meet mine for a moment, but he snaps them away instantly and he doesn't open them again, instead clenches them shut and keeps his face downcast. I try pushing forward but I don't have the strength anymore. It's gone, vanished from my veins. Tears drip off my cheeks as another lash strikes his back, blood pouring out of his body onto the stones below. And another. And another. I'm powerless. I can't save him.

"Gale," my voice cracks out and I reach forward again. I can't just watch, I have to stop them. I have to stop them no matter what it takes! The man raises his whip again and strikes it down, Gale caving in on himself. His legs start to slip out from under him but he hoists them back up, refusing to be taken down. Trying his hardest. But he sways. He won't be conscious much longer. Hit after hit after hit… "Stop them," I croak to the people around me, but no one's listening. "Why won't anyone stop them…?"

But then Darius tries as if he heard my pleas. He reaches up and grabs the new Peacekeepers arm. "That's enough," he grunts, but before he can do anything else the man with the whip spins around, thrashing the butt of the whip at his head. He's down in seconds collapsing on the ground with a thud. A few people flinch and I see fear reflecting in the eyes of the other peacekeepers, but no one says anything. It's too risky.

"No!" Another cry escapes my throat and this is when Haymitch lurches forward, physically restraining me. No longer the gentle yanks that will me away, but the harsh clamp which forces me. The crowd parts as he drags me to the edge of the crowd where my hysterics won't be heard. I scrape forward, tears slipping from my eyes. "Haymitch, get off me!" I whimper, struggling with the weight over my arms but I can't. He's too strong. I'm too drained. "I'll do something! I'll, I'll make them stop! They'll listen to me, I'm the mayor's daughter!"

"That doesn't make you special, sweetheart," he growls. "Get. Home."

"They'll kill them!" I collapse in the snow with a sob. "Haymitch, they'll kill them both…I have to try."

"You want to help? Then go get some medicine for him," he snaps. My eyes light up and he gestures back toward my house. "Yeah sweetheart, you know what I'm talking about." I hadn't even thought of my mother's morphling. Maybe he's just sending me away so I don't get in trouble, but it gives me hope. "Keep it hidden, alright?" I nod and he helps me up off the ground so I can get back as fast as possible. The first few steps I take I stumble but after a few yards I've got a steady pace going. My vision's blurred with tears and I can still hear the echo of the whip as it bounces off the surrounding buildings. I flinch every time. The moaning has stopped, the muffled grunts. They're gone. How much time do I have? Is he already unconscious? He'll be dead soon…

I slam the door open and my father is in the living room, his eyebrows knitted as he stares at the television screen. Of course it's here too. It's everywhere. The whip cuts through the air and reflects on the screen. This must be what is being shown in every district right now. I kick my shoes off and run straight for the stairs but he leaps up as fast as he can, charging in front of me and causing me to stop.

"Madge," his eyes are desperate and he grabs my wrists, holding them out to the sides restraining me.

"Why can't you stop them?" I hiss at him. "Stop them!"

"I _can't_," he says quietly.

"Then let me go!" I plead, shaking my wrists free from him. I pound up the stairs on my hands not able to move fast enough. He stands at the bottom of the staircase watching me with a frown. I bolt to my mother's ready to just reach in her drawer and take whatever I need, but she's awake.

I freeze in my step, guilt fills me as I make eye contact with her. "Are they whipping him?" she asks quietly. Her blue eyes are filled with terror and pain and I shake my head yes violently, snow dripping off my shoes and onto the carpet, my hair flailing in all directions. I tear the scarf off and toss it on the floor. The noise from the TV echoes through the house and I cringe with each lash.

"Mommy what do I do?" I lurch forward and collapse on the chair by her bed. "It's my fault! I told him to go in the woods! I should've made him stay…" tears are dripping off my cheeks onto her bed and she pulls me toward her without question. "Now he's going to die and it's all my fault. It's all my fault…" Sobs rack my body as she clutches me to her chest despite the pain it causes her.

"Shhh," she coos, stroking my hair. "It's not your fault sweetie, it's theirs." I open my mouth to shout at her that it isn't Gale's fault. I even raise my hand and consider smacking her across her face as I wonder why she'd ever even _say _such a thing, but when her eyes meet mine I know she isn't talking about Gale. They're soft. They're fierce. She's talking about _them_. I sniffle and rub at my eyes.

From downstairs I hear a shout, a female shout that echoes through the TV. It's Katniss. And then the sound goes quiet, the TV is presumably black. Tears stop dripping from my eyes as I remember her mother's able to take care of him, maybe bring him back to health. My thoughts are muddled and I can't remember what I'm here for. She continues stroking my hair and holding me tightly.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" I croak, but she shakes her head.

"Not without these." My mother, my dying, helpless mother, lets go of me and reaches into her bedside table and pulls out vials of her own medicine.

"I can't," I shake my head.

"Do you love him?" she whispers, her eyes holding mine. My chin quivers, and she smiles. "Take them to him." That's why I'm here. Her medicine. Haymitch sent me. I have to save him.

The guilt comes back as her arms quiver by lifting them. "But Mommy you need them," I refuse them again, but still she smiles.

"Sweetie, we both know that's the reason you ran in here in the first place. I won't need them. You need to save him." I accept them from her persistent hands, and she nods encouragingly. Her hand cups my face, "This isn't your fault, Madge. Remember that. We can fix this."

* * *

><p>I don't wonder what we're fixing until I'm halfway to the Everdeen's household clutching a damp cardboard box filled with tiny vials of morphling. His back? The district? Are we changing the rules? Is my mother still resisting…? Snow is coming down by the ton and I can't see five feet in front of me. The night sky isn't visible. Just white. White everywhere coming from every direction.<p>

As I run, my feet barely dragging up and through the snow that lands in heaps, I collapse. The box breaks up open and the vials spill out. "Damnit!" I cry, wiping at my eyes and sniffling my nose. The gloves on my hands are too thick to grab the tiny bottles so I yank it off, exposing it to the cold. One by one, all fourteen back in the soggy box. I can't feel my hand anymore, it's pink and frozen and I flex my fingers to see if I have feeling and I don't. I shove it back into the glove and cringe as the material rubs my hand raw.

Victor's Village comes into view and the Everdeen's are the only ones with their lights on. A restored hope hammers in my heart and my footsteps, though unfeeling and freezing, pick up. I pound on the door desperately but no one answers, so I resort to the doorbell. Over and over and over again, they have to answer! My skin is soaked to the bone even through my coat. Icicles glisten in my hair. I can't feel my toes. I should've worn earmuffs. The storm I'm outside in is raging on and yet here I am. Desperate. Begging. I've been crying the entire trek over but hopefully whoever answers the door will mistake it for the cold.

Three of them are there, all judging my frozen appearance and shaking hands. Haymitch. Mrs. Everdeen. Katniss. They watch me carefully. "Use these for your friend," I squeak out, my voice harsh against the wind. I lift the lid of the box to show them what's inside. Haymitch meets my eyes and offers a gentle smile. Katniss has her brows furrowed. Mrs. Everdeen's eyes glisten in relief. "They're my mothers. She said I could take them." They don't move and I'm about to break down. "Use them. _Please_." The words spill out of my throat as I desperately shove the box at them as if they won't take it, running back into the storm as fast as I can before they make me go home with them.

The light from their house shines into the snow, but then the door shuts behind me, the illuminated area is now gone. It's dark. It's cold. I collapse in a heap as the snow falls around me. I'm too weak to force myself to my feet. I start crawling. My house is too far. The snow is suffocating me. My fault. This is _my_ fault. I should've stopped him and I didn't and now I won't make it home. It's too far, the snow's too rough. It crushes my chest, muffles my hearing, my senses. If only I could get back on my feet… but I can't. And then it all goes black.

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><p><em>AN: Thoughts? Anything I should focus on when it comes to writing style? Remember, I still like the critiques too! I know it was a fast chapter after the last one but I was eager to get it out. Lemme know if it's off or something, give me your opinions and what not! Please please please, also I love you all. Hope you liked it. _


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: Possible trigger towards the end. Read with caution. **

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><p>My senses are still muffled. I can't see anything. My body's convulsing due to the shivers and yet I've never been sweating more in my entire life. I can barely breathe. It's all I focus on. The unsteady in and out of my airflow. But I can't move. I've gotten to that point. I wonder how my father will feel when they find my body. Maybe he won't tell my mother that she outlived her daughter. I wonder if Gale will cry when he finds out. Probably not. Gale isn't a crier. I wonder if Haymitch will…<p>

It's funny, because right after I think of Haymitch I hear his voice. It's not like I can respond, or even see him, but I hear him. Must be hallucinating. I heard you do that before you die. Only glimpses of it though, brief bursts. "No, my house is closer." Do people hallucinate when they freeze? I know it happens when people start to starve or get stung by tracker jackers. But what about freezing? I've never frozen to death, I wouldn't know.

And then I realize I must actually be dying because my body is being shifted. I haven't made any effort because the shivers that rack my body are overwhelming and there's no use in stopping them. "Is she even alive?" I hear Peeta mutter. Peeta? I'm definitely hallucinating.

"She's shivering, ain't she? Where's her gloves?" I try flexing my fingers but I can't feel them anymore. I must have taken my gloves off, I was really hot. I needed to get some snow. I still can't see anything, feel anything. I wonder if God is real. Is God real? Maybe this is His way of killing me mercifully for doing a good deed. I don't know how God works. Freezing to death might be one of the most peaceful ways to go. I feel like I'm falling asleep…

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><p>I'm sweating. There are about ten thousand blankets smothering me to death and I'm two feet from the fire. I can't breathe. I try forcing them off but I don't have enough energy. My coat hangs dripping a few feet away. My boots and socks are off, my feet closest to the fire.<p>

"…can get her home when it stops snowing," I hear Haymitch in another room. I'm alive? "Might be hypothermia…" I'm not dead! With a heave I shove the blankets off me in one swift motion listening to them thud onto the floor. The coolness of the room attacks my back as I scoot closer to the fire that warms my front. "What the hell're you doing? Put those blankets back on!" I look up and Haymitch is staring at me.

"What happened?" I ask quietly, finding my voice raw and empty. He strides across the room and picks up a glass of water before handing it to me. I try to sip at the water but I'm so thirsty I end up getting it down in three glugs. I thrust the glass back at him silently asking for more but he sets it down on the table, and sits in the armchair behind me. I turn to face him. "Am I at your house?"

"Peeta wanted to take him to yours but mine was closer," he mumbles.

"Didn't want your Goddaughter in someone else's care, eh?" I croak, and he smirks.

"So you do know," he notes, and I nod. "Well if you want to play that game then I know about you and Mr. Hawthorne."

"Fair enough. But it doesn't matter anymore. Can I have some tea?" he nods and goes to start the kettle. "Does Katniss know about me and Gale?"

"She was pretty surprised you of all people showed up, so I'll say no. Although you might have stirred up her imagination."

"Keep it that way," I return. "Imagination." I reach down and yank one of the thinner blankets off the heap on the ground and pull it up to my chin and around my back. The cold is already overwhelming again. "Please?" He returns after the stove is getting ready for tea. Haymitch shrugs and again takes a seat in the armchair. "So what happened? I thought I was… I didn't think I'd…"

"Mrs. Everdeen kicked us out," he tells me. "Good thing, too. You were barely fifty feet from their house. Gloves off, hood down, scarf lost in the drifts. Hypothermia." I remember yanking them off, feeling like I was being smothered by heat even though I was in the snow. It didn't make any sense. "You'da died before morning."

"Anyone else know?" I ask weakly.

He shakes his head, "Called Mrs. E and asked what to do but told her not to tell Katniss, keep her from worrying even more considering she's got Gale. So she knows. Sent over some dry clothes for you. Peeta knows too, and your father because I had to call him. That's it."

Again I say, "Keep it that way," and he nods. This is the longest conversation Haymitch and I have had. He's always saving me, or trying to. Keeping me safe. And look at him now, he's sober. Watching me carefully. I don't even know what to say to him. Never have. "How long have you been my Godfather?" I ask quietly.

"Since your birth, sweetheart," he laughs. "How long have you known?"

"Few days," I mutter. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Because not only is the term Godfather foreign, it's also treasonous," he rubs at his forehead. "Besides, I figured it best if I stayed out of your life as much as possible, who wants a drunk for a guardian?" In the firelight his eyebrows furrow and his shadow deepens.

"You're more than a drunk," I grumble.

He snickers, "Oh yeah, Undersee? What else. Please inform me."

"You can at least call me Madge," I snap, and his eyebrows shoot through the roof. "You're smart, obviously if you got out of the Games. Talented. A survivor. You help people." He shoots a glare in my direction and then pushes himself out of the chair, toward the kitchen. Maybe he's getting the tea but I doubt it. I think he took my comment the wrong way. "Like me," I call after him. "You helped me."

"Yeah well I don't have much of a choice," he lashes back. "Not like I asked to be your Godfather."

"And I did?" he stands in the doorway with his hands on his hips, staring at me. "I was trying to thank you," I finally hiss, and he comes charging back into the room.

"In a very roundabout way, it would appear," he seethes.

"Maybe if you hadn't been comparing me to Maysilee you wouldn't have taken it that way," I mutter under my breath. But I know he hears me. And I regret it instantly, except I keep talking. "It's always about Maysilee, everyone always thinks I'm talking about her. But I'm not! And I'm not her! Not everyone needs to act like the world revolves around her because it doesn't! She's _dead_." And then he just stares at me, his eyes empty, his face flat.

"Should've just let Peeta taken you," he says quietly, and then disappears into the kitchen again. He's in there for a long time before he comes back. He prepares tea and everything, all without a word. All for me. I don't know how long it is but he returns and hands me a cup, sitting next to me on the floor. "I tried my damn hardest to save her," he tells me gently as I sip away. "And I couldn't."

"I'm not blaming you," I respond. And I'm not. I used to, but I don't anymore. Because he did what he had to do. She would have done the same.

"Yeah well," he sighs and then pulls a flask out of his pocket. "Not a drunk?" he asks, and then pops the cap, taking a swig. After that he slides it back into his pocket and sighs. "I couldn't save any of them."

"You saved Katniss and Peeta," I point out, but he shrugs.

"Two in two hundred. What difference does it make?"

"It makes all the difference," I tell him. "I shouldn't've brought Maysilee up."

"Well you hit the nail on the head, sweetheart," he says sadly. "I see her in everything you do."

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><p>I wake up the next morning curled on the couch, another ten zillion blankets piled on me. The house is quiet and I'm sure Haymitch is asleep upstairs in his room. He tried offering me the spare room but I decided to stay on the couch instead. The smell of fresh bread fills my senses and I push the covers off me, desperate for something to eat. Maybe Haymitch is awake after all.<p>

But it's not Haymitch I find at the kitchen table, it's Peeta, his head in his hands, steaming dough next to him. "Hey Madge," he says softly without even looking up.

"Peeta," I note, sitting across from him. "Are those for…?"

"You can have one," he laughs softly, the edges of his lips barely lifting to for a smile. At least he looked at me. "So Haymitch is your…" he trails off, and I nod. "He told me last night when we carried you inside. Secret's safe with me."

"Thanks for that," I smile, biting into a biscuit and sighing at the warmth.

"Speaking of secrets, why'd you bring Gale the morphling?" I chew the rest of my biscuit and swallow slowly, knowing I can't hide anything from Peeta. He can read people like a book.

"Because we're friends and I didn't want him to suffer. Is he okay?"

A sly smile slips onto his face as he nods, "Yeah, he's okay." I soak up the silence and cringe when he snickers. "It wouldn't be so obvious if you didn't make it so obvious," Peeta tells me.

"Well you're sitting there staring at me like you know everything!" I snap, and again he snickers. "We're friends, Peeta! That's all!"

"Okay, sure," he grins. "Just friends." After a pause he adds, "At the moment. But there was that huge gap of space when Katniss and I weren't anywhere around and…"

"Stop talking, Peeta," I groan, slamming my head against the wooden table. "What're you doing here anyway?"

"I've got my own key," he smirks, swirling the key-ring around his pointer finger. "On my way to the Everdeen's, figured I'd drop off some bread." I lift my head and slam it repeatedly onto the edge of the table, and Peeta just laughs. "Listen, I think it's cute…"

"He's in love with Katniss," I snap, jerking my head up.

"Yeah, and she's in love with him," he rolls his eyes. "I'm not an idiot, Madge." The hopelessness on his face makes my heart ache and I bite the inside of my cheek. "But she's going to be mine if it's the last thing I do, alright?" I nod, and he sighs. "This is so stupid," he groans, sliding back in his chair. "I mean we're sensible people, right? Why don't we ever get a break?"

I shake my head, "I don't know. Maybe it's just not meant to be."

Peeta laughs, "Yeah, it just so happened Katniss and I both got out of the arena alive. Just a fluke, it means nothing." He shakes his head, "I don't believe that. There's gotta be something more than that."

"Like a revolution," I murmur.

"They'll kill you for talking like that," Haymitch snaps from the doorway, and both Peeta and I jerk our heads.

"Look who's awake!" Peeta teases, and Haymitch snarls at him.

"Yeah, well if anyone asks I'm out. Not in the mood for people today." Chances are if I hadn't been here he'd actually _be_ dead drunk and not just pretending to be, but I'm grateful that he isn't. "Now I don't wanna hear you two talking like that again, alright?"

"But, Haymitch just last night you said…" Peeta begins, but Haymitch points a finger in his direction and he shuts up. What'd he say last night? "Alright, well I'm going to Katniss' house," he sighs, pushing himself out of the chair. "Lemme know when you get home, okay Madge?"

"Sure," I smile. "Might not be until this blizzard passes."

"Have fun with the grouch," Peeta eyes Haymitch who gives him the vulgar one fingered gesture and snatches a biscuit off the table. "And don't stop fighting for him, because I sure as hell am _not_ giving up."

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><p>I spend the next few days locked in my house. Haymitch insisted on dragging me out in the snow and getting me back considering my father wasn't too pleased with all the time I was spending with my new family member.<p>

"Besides," he said as he deposited me on my front porch. "I've got to make sure our little Mockingjay's wedding goes perfectly."

"I could help," I tell him. I love weddings, even if they're sort of faked. He just smiles.

"You've got enough on your plate, sweetheart. Hey, I got you something for your birthday." Haymitch fidgets uncomfortably, mostly because we're still not used to talking to each other like… like family. Or, well, at all for that matter. "Can I drop it off later?" his voice is nervous.

"Sure," I say before going inside. I wonder if Haymitch still views me as a parallel to Maysilee, how maybe I'm his second chance to fix things. I don't even mind it anymore. He taught me how to play poker last night, and although I'm not very good it was a lot of fun. He's not that bad when you're on his good side, which I appear to have reached.

Anyway, my throat's rubbed raw. I can barely speak and every time I open my mouth to say something a pen and paper is thrusted in my direction so I can write it instead. Kasen's the only one who lets me talk because he knows I'm going insane. I can't stop coughing and no matter how close I am to the fire I can't stop shivering. Kasen told me it's pneumonia, that his wife caught it last year.

"You guys can afford the medicine, though. Shouldn't be a problem," he tells me as he hands me tea and sits next to me with a book. I wonder if they could afford the medicine for his wife. Maybe she's not around anymore, but he seems impassive about the situation. I hope she's okay. "Are you sure you don't want me to make you something to eat?"

"I'm sure," I choke out, sipping at the cup he hands me. He told me a symptom of pneumonia is lack of appetite, which is exactly what I have. Besides, if I eat I just end up feeling sick. "Just tea for now." Kasen sighs and leans over me, the back of his hand on my forehead.

"You're burning up," he mumbles, yanking his hand away. "I'll call in for the medicine right now." The apothecary is sure to have something. "I'll pick it up on my way over tomorrow."

But if you've ever been sick, you would know how tragic every passing minute is. How you can feel snot dripping down your throat and it not only stings but repulses you. How every cough you can't stop until you force up a lung, and even then your throat still aches. Kasen gets up and returns to the kitchen, maybe to brew more tea for me. I sit at the window and watch the snow fall. This is ridiculous. They won't let me play the piano because I should be 'resting'. When he gets distracted with making lunch for my mother I tip-toe across the living room to my coat. Before he knows it I'm wrapped in twelve layers of winter wear, the thickest gloves I could find, and six pairs of socks with my new boots knotted up to my knees. I just need that medicine. Now. Or I'm going to go _crazy_.

The trek isn't too far from my house. Of course, the snow under my boots makes it twelve times longer, and the cold trails through my nostrils and down my throat, agitating it more. I cough so hard I have to lean against a building just to catch my breath. The things I do for Gale that lead me to situations like this…

"Madge, what're you doing out here?" I turn and find Peeta, a scowl plastered on his face. "You're sick!"

"I wanted medicine," I cough out. "I'm over halfway there, can't you just walk me?" He groans and grabs my arm, helping me along the snowy path. "I was tired of sitting there just waiting for people to take care of me, I can take care of myself," I mutter.

"Did you even tell anyone you were going out?" he sighs. I can tell he's had a long day, but it's not because of me. I shake my head no and he looks back toward a billowing cloud of smoke. "Hob went up in flames," he says quietly. "Just dropped Katniss off at her house."

I gasp, "Is everyone okay?" He nods and looks around nervously as if peacekeepers are listening. "Have you heard anything about Darius?" I ask weakly, and he again nods.

"Nothing good," he says. "It's best you don't hear."

"Peeta," I plead, and he sighs. Darius was… is my friend. I need to know. He has to be okay…

"All I know is he's not in District 12 anymore, and he won't be back. Okay? Don't ask again." His tone isn't harsh, just more protective. I think back to the red head's last words to me and my insides shatter. But I must be brave for Darius, must be strong.

I cough again and this time phlegm comes up with it and I spit it into the snow, Peeta cringes. "Sorry," I groan. "I just want that stupid medicine."

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><p>Peeta drops me off at the apothecary but leaves me to fend for myself on the brutal walk back saying he has to check in on his family. I don't blame him, the storm's been brutal. The wind has picked up and started pushing snow into dune like piles.<p>

"Might as well just face it," the owner of the shop tells me. "It's only going to pick up again and get worse if you wait."

So I brave the storm. The wind isn't as bad as I thought it would be, only nudging me around gently instead of throwing me into the snow like I thought it might. The little bag around my wrist is secure and my motivation for getting home is the ability to drink a hot cup of tea while sitting at the piano and playing to my heart's content. I have songs for snow, happy upbeat ones that aren't terrifying like the wind is now. I'm one of the only people in the square.

But I'm not alone. And I can sense that I'm not alone even through the raging wind and billowing snow. It's like a sixth sense, the knowledge that you're being watched or followed. And right now both of those senses are exploding. I pause in my step and turn around, yet see no one. Sure, my hair was blowing and sort of mangled my view, but I might just be going crazy.

Maybe I'm catching hypothermia again, considering that leads to hallucinations. But my feet are toasty warm and my fingers all still have feeling. So that can't be true.

"Hello?" I croak to the wind, and of course get no response. Why would the empty wind answer me? I cough again and spit some phlegm off to the side. "Yuck," I mumble to myself.

"Yes, that isn't very lady like," a voice says back. I turn, expecting Jace, or maybe even Haymitch, but a different face sneers at me, his arms crossed across his chest. Cassius.

"And stalking someone home isn't very gentlemanly," I snap back, turning away from him, my feet picking up their speed.

"Now come on Madge," he croons. "I just wanted to escort a friend home."

I scoff, "Friend. Good joke."

"What's wrong with your voice?" he inquires, picking up his pace to match mine and strolling next to me. "You sick?" Instead of answering him and coughing up another hunk of phlegm I force it down my throat. "I'll take that as a yes," he smirks. "Why can't we be friends?"

"Because you creep me out," I mutter. "And you don't want to be friends."

"Well you've got that right," he says back with a laugh. But it's not a friendly laugh; it's one that sends a shiver down nicely insulated back. "I _don't_ want to be friends." Again I pick up my pace, but Cassius isn't one to just let that slide. He reaches forward, his arm on my shoulder. I go to lurch forward despite how difficult it is to walk in the snow, but his grip on me is too tight.

"Just let me go," I plead, trying to push him away, but he just closes the distance between us. "Cassius! Why can't you just leave me alone!"

"Because I don't want to," he replies softly. "You should at least give me a chance," his voice is so gentle like he actually thinks I'd consider it. I feel my chin quivering but I clench my jaw to make it stop. He will not intimidate me. I refuse to let him.

"You're a sick freak," I spit back through gritted teeth. "I'd _never_ give you a chance." He sighs, but it's one of those fake ones. Another shiver shoots through me. "Let me go," I demand, but he smirks.

His fingers slide up to push a stray hair that slipped from my hood back behind my ear. I try to jerk away from him but he's too close, too strong. His hand is greasy and cold, nothing compared to anyone who's been so gentle with me before. Nothing like Gale's strong warm hands that gave me tingles. Cassius's hands make me sick, filled with a fear that jumps up my throat.

"I've been watching you," he says. As if that isn't creepy enough, he smiles, teeth and all, but then forces it away and replaces it with a rage. "You and Hawthorne, you and that other kid from town, why not you and me? I can be your rock if you'd let me,"

And then he does it. He grabs the back of my head and chokes me forward, forcing his lips painfully against mine. His tongue begs for permission to my mouth and I bite his lip, sending him flying backwards. I'm going to puke, I'm going to puke, I'm going to puke… I stumble backwards too and my foot slips, sending me spiraling toward the ground landing on my wrist painfully. But I'm too weak for Cassius, he's too fast. Hot tears leak from my eyes as I struggle to crawl and spit his wretched taste out of my mouth, but his hands are already on my shoulders.

"You're going to pay for that," he snarls, yanking me up and shoving me toward the nearest alley. I go to drop and pry my way past him but he pushes me harder and I have no choice but to do what he says.

"Please," I beg him, choking on my own word. "Please, please, please…"

"Please?" he grins. "If you insist."

But I didn't say what I was begging for. For mercy. To be let go. To be free of this nightmare that I thought had vanished long ago. He'd been there the entire time. Watching. Plotting. Planning. The thought makes me sick and my knees start to go wobbly, I can't keep myself from shaking anymore. He's going to hurt me…

Cassius' hand shoots forward and tugs my scarf off, my neck now exposed to the cold, and I shiver. I'm desperate to get it back on, to stop the pneumonia from getting worse, stop him from doing things I refuse to imagine to me, but he's too strong. Too strong.

"Help!" I shout, but my throat is dry and sore. "Somebody help me!" This can't be happening to me. This isn't happening to me!

"You'll shut up if you know what's good for you," he hisses, slamming my body against the brick wall. "All I was asking for was a chance, Madge." I can barely hear him over the sobs that rack my soul. Barely see him through my blurry eyed vision. "And now I'm going to get it."

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><p><em>AN: More details in the next chapter about this ending here, but it won't be... detailed. Does that make sense? I guess you'll see. I'm grateful for all of you no matter where your admiration comes at, be it a review, a PM, or even on Tumblr. You have no idea how happy all the things you say make me. Anyway, it was kind of a harsh ending. I don't know how you'll all take it. Thoughts on the Madge/Peeta relationship Haymitch/Madge relationship? Lemme know. x_


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: Trigger warning and sexual themes.**

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><p>"She's waking up," I hear a brief whisper and the squeeze of my hand. It's not a hand I know. Unfamiliar. "Hey, sweetheart." I squeeze back knowing it's Haymitch. I can't bring my eyes to open but I hear the steady beep of a heart monitor. I can't feel my throat. I'm eternally cold.<p>

A murmur of voices echoes in the hallway. "…I don't care what you have to say! This isn't getting out!" my father shouts to someone, but I don't know who. "_No one_ will know about this other than those directly involved. You have _no idea_ what I can make happen to you…" he's angry. He has every right to be. I'm numb. They used morphling on me earlier and it's still wearing off. I've been submerged in my nightmares for what feels like hours. I want to be free.

_The scene flashes before me again. The downfall of the snow, the blasting of the wind. "It's too cold to be out here, Madge," Cassius crones, although his hands tug at the zipper of my coat and pry to reach under my shirt at my waist. "Much warmer at my house. No one's home."_

"No!" I cry, my eyes shooting open. I'm still in a doctor's room. Haymitch's still holding my hand. I instantly squeeze my eyes shut again to stop the tears but it's too late.

"It's alright," he says softly. "You're safe here." Tears are leaking down my face and he passes me a tissue, although his grip is firm. I open my eyes briefly to look around and it's just me and him. Doctors scurry in and out but don't acknowledge us. "He won't hurt you again."

_Every blink, every moment of darkness, the images return. "Please, Cassius stop," I beg, willing his hands away although they won't stop. "Don't do this… You don't want to do this…" my voice cracks as his hand snakes up my back._

"_But I do," he says back sharply. "And you have no say," he notes, his hand reaching up and over my mouth blocking any airflow_.

Again I'm shaking, and Haymitch squeezes my hand again. I will my eyes open because they want to inject another dose of morphling because I'm too unwilling to cooperate. I can't control the shaking, it isn't my fault. I don't want their hands on me. I don't want _anyone _even near me unless it's Haymitch. Only Haymitch can be here. No one else. I don't want to see anyone.

"Don't let them," I beg him. "Don't let them give me more morphling. _Please_."

"I'm trying, sweetheart," he says gently. "I'm going to go talk to them," his hand slips out of mine and I reach for it, only grasping air. "I'll be back," he says when he sees the panic on my face. "One minute."

_My teeth tear into his skin and I've drawn blood. He yanks it away in pain but slams his foot on mine, sending a wave of agony through my body. I try dropping to my hands and knees to crawl but he's got a hold on the hem of my shirt. _

"_Help!" I shout again, my voice cracking right away. I'm going to die. I'm going to be raped and no one's going to help me. I'm stuck here forever_.

"Haymitch!" I cry, searching the room. He rushes back in and his hand is in mine again. "Make him stop," I beg him. "_Please_, make him stop!"

"He's not here," he says quietly. "He's not going to hurt you, Madge. He isn't here." He sits with me as I weep, my body unable to stop the sobs that wrack my body. My father is still in the hallway shouting angry orders at people. I haven't spoken to him. Earlier he came in and just sat, watching me. He didn't say anything, he didn't touch me, he just watched me. Now, he looks in toward my room but I can't meet his eyes. I feel my chin quivering again and my heart getting stuck in my throat like I'm going to puke.

Haymitch sense this and brings up the bucket again, allowing me to hurl to my heart's content into it. No flinching, no disgust as the sight, sound, or smell. He's impassive. He's here for me.

"_No one's going to help you, little girl," Cassius' breath is on my face. It's foreign. It's repulsive. I stretch to push him away but he always ends up closer. Closer. "It won't hurt if you play along."_

"_Jace!" I cry out the only name I can think of. The only person who'd been able to save me. But there's no response. Of course there isn't. "Peeta!" Maybe he's still around, but of course he isn't. He doesn't respond because he doesn't hear me. No one can hear me. _

"_Shut up!" Cassius snaps, slamming me harder against the bricks._

"We're going to have to use the morphling on her, sir…" the voices drone around me. It feels like they've already used it, my body is unresponsive. "We have to test to make sure he didn't…"

"I already told you he didn't!" Haymitch snarls. "Not that far, he didn't get that far," he growls. "I know. I was there. You're not touching her."

_He peeled the coat off of me discarding it as if I didn't need it. Like it wasn't below freezing outside. All he left was my shirt, my slim short sleeved pajama top I hadn't even been able to change out of when I got dressed for the day. Goosebumps flesh across my skin as I desperately try to cover myself, my bare skin. I'm going to freeze to death before he even touches me. _

"_P-please s-stop," I beg through chattering teeth. "It's s-so c-cold…"_

"_My house is warmer," he snips back. "But don't worry, you won't be cold much longer…"_

"I told you everything I saw!" Haymitch snaps at someone. He keeps snapping. I've never seen him more angry. Or well heard. I won't open my eyes again, everything is too bright, too white. It reminds me of the snow. I prefer the dark.

"Yes, Mr. Abernathy, but what you did to the boy was…"

"Wasn't enough," he growls. "I should've killed him."

"_H-Haymitch!" I croak out as Cassius forces his fingers around the button of my jeans. His fingers dipping below the waist line as I cringe, forcing his hand away from me as best I can. Cassius' elbow slams against my throat and I choke, gasping for air. "Haymitch!" I croak again. "Please…" _

"_Just you and me, princess," Cassius whispers in my ear. I jerk away from him and stifle a sob but it's useless. I don't have any energy, I'm too weak. I should just give up… but I won't. In one quick motion I rear my knee up and hit him right between the legs. "Fuck!" he shouts, shoving me backwards one more but with less of a grip. It's obvious he's having trouble breathing. _

_I push him away but he's determined. At least I tried, at least I made an effort to get away. "Stop touching me!" I cry, slashing my hand forward and scraping across his cheek. It bleeds instantly and a rage fires behind his eyes. _

"_You stupid bitch!" he shouts, his forearm thrusting across my chest and pinning me to the wall for good. I've lost my chance to get away…_

Something is digging under my finger nails. A stick, some type of collection rod, I don't know. They're looking for his DNA to see if I scratched him. I can't remember if I did. I should've. Should've slit his throat if I had the chance. The fact that he thought he could get away with it repulses me, but I'm not sure if I'm more worried that he just might've gotten away with it.

I've been unable to use my voice now for what feels like days. It must only be hours though. I can't tell. There's no clock in the room. People scurry in and out to see me asking questions but I just stare at them. They must think I'm going crazy but I have nothing to say. I don't want people to know how weak I am, how easy it is to break me.

Someone else is holding my other hand but hers I recognize. Bristel. It's wet, too, as if she'd been crying. She grips it tight and I feel Haymitch release. Peacekeepers are forcing him into another room, at least that's what it sounds like. Too white. I won't open my eyes. Too much like snow. I hate the snow.

"It's okay," Bristel soothes, but her voice is rough. Her eyes are probably red, still leaking tears. I've run out of tears. All I can do it squeeze back. "It's okay." She tries getting me to talk, getting me to open my eyes, but all I can do is squeeze her hand back. And with every squeeze, she returns the gesture. It's like a silent game we play. She's the first outside of Haymitch or my father to sit with me.

"They're questioning Haymitch now," she tells me quietly once she's worked her way through her own tears. I've ran out. Can't even conjure a slight wetness behind my eyelashes. "Your dad told me he wanted to stay but he hast lots of paperwork to fill out about this," she sighs. "But I'm not going anywhere."

_It was like how Thresh pulled Clove off of Katniss. It's the only comparison I can make. Cassius had just lunged for me and I hit the center of my head against the bricks. My vision was going blurry, random patches of dark and colors mixing together in front of me. I thought I must've been imagining it. But I could hear Cassius pleading as I dropped on my hands and knees in the snow, relieved to not be pressed up anymore._

"_I can… no, no please!" I couldn't even see who was hitting him. Who had been my savior. All I heard was the sudden crunch of bone, most likely nose. More pleas. "I won't ever do it again… someone help!" His cries were much louder than mine. He wasn't sick, his voice didn't catch in his throat. _

_The sound of peacekeeper boots thudded toward us and my jacket was being forced back on despite my lack of coordination. I remember thinking at least my shirt was still on. Ha. At least my pants weren't around my ankles. At least I'm still breathing. _

Bristel was the first to visit me, Jace will be the second. They told me right from the get-go that Peeta and Katniss wouldn't be hearing about this. Can't have anything worrying our precious Victors, now can we? Of course not. In fact, the entire thing is being kept from most of the district. I'm sure Thom knows by now. I'm sure some of Cassius' minions know. Adults. Higher ups. Thread. But just us.

I don't want it getting out anyway. I don't want people looking at me different. But they will, of course they will. How couldn't they? Jace strides into the room and freezes at the sight of me. I'm not looking at him, more like tracing the tiles on the floor with my eyes, but I still feel his gaze. Slowly, he makes his way to the seat next to me.

"Hey," he forces out. Obviously pained. My original savior is back. The original hero. But I don't acknowledge him, because I can't. There's something wrong with me where I just can't. I can't register that he's speaking to me although I know he is. "Madge, talk to me," Jace pleads, his hand gripping mine. I feel like everyone I know has been in and out of this room, but they haven't of course. "They're going to deem you insane," I might just be insane. They say I haven't spoken in days, but I don't even think I've been here days. "At least look at me. Please?"

I turn slightly and meet his eyes, pained and green. It makes me smile. Reminds me of spring. "I've always liked your eyes," I say faintly. He smiles at my voice and sighs, his head falling into his hands that are by me.

"That's the first thing you've said in three days," he croaks weakly. "That you like my eyes. The first thing you've said."

"Oh," I say quietly. "Is that not enough for you?" With a grin he lurches forward, pulling me into a hug. The closeness makes me nervous but it's Jace. My friend. He will not hurt me. This is not Cassius. "Who told you?" I ask. Now there're doctors peeking in my window, most likely due to my vocalization. My throat's sore from lack of speech, or maybe pneumonia, or both.

"Your friend Bristel," he replies, pulling away. She's at the window too, her eyes wide and watery as she watches me. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there this time," he says quietly, a hefty sigh escapes him.

"Why is everyone apologizing for something they can't control?" I wonder aloud. "I'm sick of it. Everyone's blaming themselves, this is pathetic. It's no one's fault but _his_." Jace smiles softly and his hand cups my cheek.

"Okay, I won't say sorry anymore."

"Thank you," I reply, lounging back in my bed. The sheets are scratchy and he just watches me for anymore moment.

"So," Jace finally says, "How're you feeling?"

The laugh I emit is empty. "I'm not," I reply.

"_Get her out of here!" Haymitch barks. It had been him all along. I knew he'd come. He'd always save me. He'd rescue me. But I can't respond, I'm flat like a board, can't see. I feel with my hands and he helps me up, his arm protectively around my shoulder as he leads me away._

"_What about the boy?"_

"_Why the fuck should I care about him?" he hisses through his teeth. "Leave him there to die." _

"_I tried," I croak out, gripping the side of his body like he's my life support. "I tried to get away…"_

"_I know, sweetheart," he says, pulling me closer. "It's okay, I'm not gonna let him hurt you ever again." _

They didn't leave him to die; Cassius is in the room next to me. Right next door. I know because Haymitch had been there earlier. As had my father. And a few other people. Loud words that echoed through my soul, into my brain. They followed me into the everlasting nightmares. I think I'll never dream again. Just an empty black or a painful nightmare. It has to get better than this, right?

Finally they let me sit up for good. They agree if I cooperate they won't inject me with morphling again. I'm numb enough anyway, what good would the injection do? I can't feel anything anymore. They've already given me medicine for my pneumonia, which is sure to be ten times worse after today. But it wasn't today, was it? It was yesterday. Maybe two days ago. I can't tell. There are no windows in this room.

* * *

><p>"I hear they'll let you out sooner if you act normal," Haymitch tells me later. Bristel is still there and she shoots him a glare. After Jace left I resorted back to no talking and no motion, laying back down and ignoring the world. It's much easier that way. "It doesn't mean you're okay, you just have to seem okay so you can go home. Play the piano." I finally snap my eyes open, the room is suffocating white. I shiver again as if I'm in the cold, but I'm not. I've got a sheet and everything. "There we go. Progress."<p>

"Now you're just being ridiculous," Haymitch mutters after someone yanks the IV from my arm. I haven't eaten, I can't find the stomach too. I'm apparently getting too thin for anyone's liking. How long have I been here? I want to go home. I want some tea. "Next time they have to insert this in your arm I'm going to do it myself and let me just tell you it won't be pain-free."

"Oh, shut up," I hiss at him. Haymitch discovered the way to get me to talk is to make me irritated. It works well. "I'm not hungry."

"Of course you aren't," he rubs his forehead. "If I give you your birthday present will you stop acting like this? You're scaring a lot of people, Madge."

"I feel like if I eat I'm going to throw up," I tell him. "But I can try." With a slight grin he pulls the small box out of his coat pocket and hands it to me. That's how he found me. He was on the way to give me my birthday present when he heard a scuffle. He said he heard Cassius' voice, not mine, but at least he heard something. Stood frozen for a few seconds before his instincts kicked in.

He didn't tell me this, of course, but I heard. People say a lot of things when they think you're asleep. I unwrap it slowly, it's the first birthday gift I've gotten so far. Seventeen hasn't been treating me well, so I'm not expecting much. Inside is a ring. No gem on it, no stone whatsoever, just a silver ring. There's a carving on it. Liberum Semel, it says. I yank it out and study it.

"Latin," he tells me. I raise an eyebrow and he laughs. "A language from the past. It means _free once more_. It was the token I took into the arena."

"Oh, no," I thrust it back at him. "Don't give this to me."

"I don't have any kids," he drones on. "You're the closest I got. Alright?" Slowly I pull the small box back to me and study the ring again. It's simple, smooth, most likely treasonous.

"How'd you manage to take it in?" I ask. "Surely it would be seen as a rebellious statement."

"Doubt they thought I'd actually get out," he sneers. "Just keep it, okay?" I nod slowly and slip the silver onto the pointer finger of my right hand. It fits well, and he smiles.

"I feel like a tribute in the 2nd Quarter Quell," I groan, reaching for my necklace. To that he laughs and swats my hand away. Honestly, however, I feel protected. We sit in silence for a long time, which is nice. I don't enjoy when people are poking and prodding at me trying to get me to recount what happened, or yelling at me because I'm not talking. I still see it whenever I blink.

But then out of nowhere I get that sense again. The sense I'm being watched. I jerk my head around and look up toward the window. Behind it stands a tall figure, their back straight and their eyes strained. Their arms are crossed across their chest. His eyes never leave me.

"How long's he been there?" I ask, looking down into my lap. I don't know if he knows that I saw him.

"Few hours," Haymitch replies. "That friend of yours, Bristel? Yeah, she told him. Told him not to come by though, still did. Obviously. Damn Hawthorne."

"Why hasn't anyone told me?" I mutter.

"You haven't been much for talking," he shoots back. "I'll send him in if you'd like." I shake my head quickly. I don't know what I'd say to him.

"Shouldn't he be on bed rest anyway?" I wonder. "His whipping was just…"

"Just over a week ago, sweetheart." My stomach drops and eyes widen, and he nods. "Yeah, you've been in here that long."

"Get me out," I beg, and he sighs.

"I'm trying. But you've gotta try too." Again we sit in silence, but this time I feel the stare coming in from the window. Gale's relentless murky eyes just watching me. "Are you sure you don't want me to…"

"Fine," I say quickly, a short smile spreading across his face. He glances toward the window, then back at me, and then scoots himself out of the chair. It's a few minutes before Gale actually comes in, though. I hear him and Haymitch talking in the hallway but it's brief and muffled. I hear his footsteps and my gaze drops down to my lap, they're slow and unsure.

"I'm sorry," he says after a few moments of silence, just watching me. "I'm so sorry, Madge."

"For what?" I ask, lifting my gaze slightly to meet his. He strides over and takes the chair in which Haymitch was sitting, grabbing my hand gently.

"I swore. I swore I wouldn't let him hurt you and…"

"Don't do that," I cut him off, dropping my gaze again and pulling my hand from his. "Don't talk to me if that's what you're going to say." He lowers his head to the hand he's holding and presses his lips against it slowly.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers against them, the vibrations making my skin tingle. All the darkness escapes me as he keeps his hold.

"It wasn't your fault," I croak out. He lowers his forehead so it's touching my hand now. His eyes trail to the bruise on my neck from Cassius' elbow jamming into it and his free hand traces it gently. I cringe and push his hand away.

"I went hunting that day," he replies. "I broke the law, you brought the medicine which led you to get sick, which made you go out that day to get medicine for yourself…"

"No," I snap, my voice booming and pulling him up to look at me. "It's not your fault and don't ever say it is again, okay? Ever." I twist my hand so it cups his face and he sighs. "Who told you I brought the medicine?"

"Abernathy," he says gently. I glance toward the window and Haymitch stands, a ghost of a smile on his face. Then he winks and walks away. "You do stupid things, you know," Gale smiles, pulling me closer and breathing me in. Which is probably bad because I smell like hospital, but I'm not panic stricken anymore, I'm not scared of his touch, it comforts me.

"So do you," I say back, shaky voice and all from the warmth he's giving me. He probably doesn't even notice. "I don't want to talk about this," I plead. "Not with you. Not like this. Not with everyone listening." Sure there's no one in the room, but doctors must be intrigued with how much I've spoken, ears pressed against the windows.

"Okay," pause. "I did what you said." His chair has scooted closer to the bed and he stares at the ring on my finger, but says nothing. He watched me put it on, of course. "I told her I loved her."

"G-good," I force out.

"She said 'I know,'" he continues with a roll of his eyes. "And then she kissed me later." There's another pause as I don't know what to say. Congratulations? I'm sorry? I don't know how he's feeling. I want to scold him for talking about this but I'd rather talk about this than… than Cassius. "It felt forced. Like she was sorry for me."

"The point of this being," I say quietly, "what, exactly?"

"It wasn't you," he says. "And I wanted it to be." I turn to look at him and his face is inches from mine. "I know I've messed up in the past, Madge…"

I cut him off quickly, "I can't, Gale. I can't. Not after… not after this." I shake my head, trying to get the image of Cassius out of my brain, but it's imprinted. His sneers. His force. I can't get him out. "It's not you, I swear it isn't,"

"Bristel said it had to do with you being sick, too," he adds sadly. I nod, and he again grabs my hand, this time his fingers intertwining with mine. "Can we work for it?" he asks quietly. "Work for us?"

"I just want to be friends," I squeeze out. "Gale, it's not that I don't want…"

He cuts me off by nodding, pulling my hand to his lips again. "I know. It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either," I say sadly, forcing tears back. "It's _his_ and I hope he rots in hell." Gale leans forward like he's going to kiss my cheek or my jaw or my collarbone but he doesn't, he just leans against me and sighs.

And again he repeats quietly, "I'm so sorry."

* * *

><p>After Gale leaves (they make him, he's not willing whatsoever), they say I can go home. They have me do a few walking exercises and I snap at them, telling them my legs aren't broken. I notice Haymitch smirk but they finally let me get dressed into some different clothes and shove me out the door.<p>

When I get home I go upstairs to my mother, who has been waiting patiently for me, and just lay with her. She holds me in her arms and I pretend to not notice her tears as she strokes my hair gently. She says nothing, only kisses my forehead and lets me nap with her.

When I wake up she's had her morphling shot so I gently nudge myself out of her arms. She doesn't stir and I go to take a shower. Haymitch has left because Katniss has wedding photos to be taken and he needed to be there. I don't mind. Kasen and Bristel are still home, but they wait until I come downstairs from the shower to speak to me.

My hair is up in a towel and I wear the fluffiest pajamas I have. Soft and warm, they don't remind me of the cold harshness at all. Kasen hands me a cup of tea wordlessly and Bristel sits on the couch. I go straight for the piano and nestle myself onto the bench comfortably. I sip at the tea and Bristel holds it for me when I go to play.

But that's the thing. I sit there and stare at the piano. I press down on a key, but it sounds foreign to me. I squint, trying to figure out why I can't play. My fingers are working, my thoughts are working, but I can't play.

"Are you alright?" Bristel asks, her eyes wide as she stares at me.

"I can't play," I sputter out. "Why can't I play?" Bristel sets my cup of tea on the table and lurches toward me.

"Maybe you're just tired," she suggests.

"I just took a nap," I snap at her. I drop my hands by my side and stare at the piano. "Why can't I play?" I ask again, but she shrugs slightly.

"Just press a key." Just to spite her I raise a finger and jab a key, the sound coming out like a dark, deep growl. "Now another?" So I do, and nothing. I can't feel it, I can't remember any of the songs I had memorized. "Do you want me to call someone?" she asks. "Your father?"

"No," I say quickly. "Hell, don't call anyone. I just… I just need to be inspired is all," I tell her. "I need some inspiration. I've lost it because of that disgusting asshole and I just need to find some. That's all."

"Madge," she sighs, her hand reaching for my shoulder, but I push her away.

"No, don't treat me like that! Don't treat me like I'm a patient, Bristel."

"I didn't…"

"No, you did," I say. "I'm not sick. I'm not crazy. I'm just shaken up, that's all. Okay? And I've lost my inspiration and I need to find it and I'm going to be fine!" My words are spewing out of my mouth at unbelievable speeds and she just nods slowly.

"Okay," she says quietly. "Alright, Madge."

"And I'm going to find it!" I say even louder, slamming my fists into the keys.

"Alright, Madge," she says again quietly. "Now calm down,"

"I am calm!" I scream at her, and she flinches. "I'm _calm_," I breathe, dropping my head into my hands. "Totally calm." She places her hand on my shoulder and I crumble at her touch, finally letting myself cry again as she closes in over me, holding me close. Cry in the privacy of my own home. Cry in the arms of my friend. Cry, because I have no idea how I'm going to piece myself back together after this.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Sorry for the rough theme. Should I change the rating? Things will slowly be pieced back together. Be patient. Time heals wounds, as does cuddling. Lemme know what you liked / didn't like writing wise, not story wise, because I'm pretty sure none of us liked the main thing story wise... share your thoughts, please. x_


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: Gadge is cannon I swear.**

* * *

><p>I told him I just wanted to be friends, and that's all I can handle for now, but Gale's the first person I think to go to when my fingers refuse to make music. The school's still closed from the weather, and my father told me the mines aren't up and running. He won't tell me why though and it gets the point where I stop asking. No one wants me to go out by myself at first but Bristel finally talks them into it, although she's skeptical too.<p>

But they let me go, so here I am outside of Gale's house, my glove making the knock on their door muffled. It's a few seconds before anyone answers, but finally Rory does. Of course, he's grinning.

"Madge!" I'm a thousand percent sure he doesn't know what had happened to me. That's how it should be. "I feel like I haven't seen you in years! Do come in." Then he ushers me inside. Their living room is a mess and oddly vacant of everyone. "Posy's upstairs with mom," Rory tells me. "She had measles but they're not so bad now."

"I didn't know," I tell him. "I'm glad she's okay."

He smiles and looks toward the back hall. "Gale's in there," he says. "If that's who you're looking for."

"No, Rory, I came to see you," I tease, and then he laughs before allowing me to walk to his older brother's room. He watches me out of the corner of his eye but doesn't say anything. I've taken my gloves off so I can knock now, and my gentle tapping rings out through the entire quiet house.

It's a few moments before he answers, slow shuffling steps scrape across the hardwood floor. But then he does, his head topped with messy sleep hair and he's rubbing his eyes. "Hey," he smiles. "Thought I heard you." He opens the door and welcomes me into his tiny but surprisingly clean room. Gale sits on the edge of his bed slowly and runs his fingers through his hair, trying to straighten it out some.

"How're you?" I ask, one of my hands clinging to the opposite arm as it hangs limply by my side.

He shrugs, "Sore. Too scared to look in the mirror," he says, a hint of a smile. "What about you?"

I shrug too, and then sit next to him on his bed. "The first thing I wanted to do when I got home was play the piano." He nods as I continue my story. "And then I sat there and every time I went to press a key it would just sound wrong. Like someone messed with my hearing or my senses or something. And I can't play."

"What do you mean you can't play?" he asks, his face contorting into a worried panic image of himself.

"All I see anymore is just ugly, wretched things…" I trail off and sigh. "I think I need some inspiration."

"So you came here?" he asks slowly. The corners of his mouth tug upward but don't quite reach a smile yet. "What for?" I can't say for him, because I already told him I can't do that. But I guess it was for him, for what we had. Something that'll make me feel again. Something other than the numbness on my cheeks or the ache every time I blink.

"I know it's snowy out and all," I say quietly. He'll probably think I'm an idiot. "But I was wondering if you could maybe…"

He finishes for me as I trail off. "Sure, we can go to the woods."

I sit on the couch with Rory as Gale gets ready. I'm sure it has to do with the wounds that claw on his back but I say nothing. Rory says nothing either as I sit next to him. We stare at the TV although it's off, yet he still smiles. How nice it would be to be young again, to be so free like Rory. Knowing of the dangers in the world yet not fully understanding them yet. Able to go play kickball in the streets. No stereotypes, no judgment, just freedom.

"Gale's mad at me," Rory finally says. The smile has dropped from his face and he stares at the floor. "He's kind of mad at everyone, but mostly me."

"Aw, don't say that," I start, but Rory just shrugs me away.

"I took out tesserae," he says weakly. "When he was still at the Everdeen's. I didn't know if he was going to get better and we barely had food to eat and…"

"Oh, Rory," I sigh, turning to him. He still stares at the floor but it looks like he's going to start crying.

"He wouldn't teach me to hunt and I wanted to help provide for the family and…" he sniffles before the first tear streaks down his cheek. "Now I'm in entered in those stupid Games more than I should be and…"

Before I know it I've stretched over to him, wrapping the young boy in my arms as tight as I could. "It's okay," I whisper to him as more tears fall from his eyes. "He's not mad at you, I know he isn't. He's just worried, that's all."

"I just wanted to help," he croaks out.

"I know, sweetie," I say as I stroke his hair. "Things aren't very good right now but they're going to get better. I promise, okay?" he nods and then wipes at his eyes as I pull away. Just in time too, because Gale lumbers out of his room slowly, donned in his ragged winter gear.

"Ready?" he asks. His eyes dart toward Rory and his jaw locks, but I nod and quickly scurry toward the door. My hand gives Rory's a quick reassurance squeeze before Gale notices. When we're outside in the cold his hands slide into his back pockets.

"He thinks you're mad at him," I say. "Rory."

"Yeah, well,"

"I know you aren't," I continue. Gale doesn't acknowledge what I've said so I just keep going. "I know you're just worried about him."

"It was a stupid thing to do, Madge," he hisses.

"And you being upset is going to fix it?" I ask quietly. "It would just make things worse if the odds ended up not being in his favor, Gale. You'd regret your hostility." Gale sighs, but still says nothing. "He just wants to be like you, you know."

"Not much to live up to," he mutters. Instead of answering him I just drop my gaze, biting the inside of my cheek. We reach the gate a few minutes later. "I haven't been here since… since that day," he tells me.

"Oh. We don't have to go…"

"No," he waves me off. "Gotta face it some time, yeah?"

"If you aren't ready…"

"Madge," Gale says turning to me. "I just want you to play again. If this helps then by all means…" I blush and look toward the ground, when I look back up he's smiling at me. "I like when you smile," he says gently.

"It's more foreign on you than on me," I note, and he laughs. We're a few feet from the fence and Gale leans toward it.

"Maybe not so lately…" he starts to tell me, but something else catches my ear. A slight hum. I snap head toward Gale who's _inches_ from the fence.

"No!" I shout, lurching toward him, the adrenaline in me causing him to plummet into the snow.

"What the…" he goes to yell at me but I shake my head.

"Shhh!" I scold him, and hold my ear even closer. Oh yes, the fence is definitely on. "It's electrified," I tell him. "Listen."

I'm still straddling him as I try to catch my breath, swallowing the lump of panic in my throat. Could've died. He could've died right then and there with me just watching. Slowly he pushes himself out of the snow and drags us back a few feet before smothering me in his arms.

"That's the second time you saved my life," he breathes into my hair. "Just this month." A sad laugh bubbles out of me as he squeezes me closer. "Where the hell would I be without you?" I look up from his chest and meet his eyes, his hand reaching down to my cheek, his forehead pressing against mine. His lips part slightly and his breath tingles my face as he shakes his head slowly.

"Not at a fence that nearly killed you, that's for sure," I reply gently. He grins and then leans in like he's going to kiss me, but then stops right before he does. My heart pounds, dropping into my stomach like it's going to pop out of me, and then he slides to my jaw, his lips barely against my skin.

"We've gotta go," he whispers. "They might be watching it." Then he forces myself off of him and drags me even farther from the fence until I regain my balance. His arm stays locked around my waist the rest of the walk back to his house and I don't question it. I don't mind it there at all. My heart still races in my chest as we stop outside his house.

"Will you come to my house?" I ask as he leans over me, his arm on the panel over my head. The gesture should remind me of Cassius but it doesn't because this isn't Cassius. Gale would never hurt me like Cassius. Not even in my worst nightmares could I make him the villain. "I wanna see if I can play again."

"But we didn't go in the woods," he says as he leans closer.

"But I…" I trail off as he smiles. "Please?" I can't tell him that he's still managed to make me feel something other than fear. I mean sure, that stupid fence made me panic, but I felt my heart thudding in my chest and the need of his warmth and it was better than numb. So much better than numb.

"If that's what you want." I love that. How he always makes sure it's what I want first. I nod and still he smiles, his tattered leather glove reaching for my sparkling new white one. So different. We're so different in every way possible and yet I've stopped questioning it. Why question something that makes me feel complete?

* * *

><p>The only person home when I get there (besides my mom who's asleep and submerged in morphling) is Kasen. He doesn't question when Gale comes in, leaving his shoes by the door and coat on the rack. He doesn't give us a second glance as we sit on the piano bench together. In fact, I'm pretty sure I catch him smile. I wonder if he knows Gale or if Gale knows him, but neither acknowledge it if they do.<p>

"Well," Gale says, lounging back. "Go on." I bite the inside of my cheek as I gaze out across the black and white keys that melt in my brain to form one.

"What if I can't?" I ask quietly. "I can't, I can't do it."

"Madge," Gale smiles and leans forward. His left arm wraps around me so his hand can reach the piano on the other side of me. "Teach me to play something."

"T-teach you?"

"Yeah," he smiles, nuzzling into my cheek. "I'm not very good." He starts pressing random keys that sound awful together. His rough hands are no match for my keyboard and a disastrous strand of music comes out, causing me to laugh. "See?"

"Stop you're breaking my ears," I force his hands off the keyboard. The one that reached around me wraps tighter around my waist and he snickers.

"Then teach me," he says.

"What would you like to learn?" I ask, my voice shaking. He's so close it makes me good-nervous. The darkness rushes out of me with every brush of skin.

"What about some of that song you played at the recital?" The song that reminds me of Gale. The song I composed myself inside my head.

"I don't remember how it starts," I admit weakly.

"The middle?" I shake my head. "Any at all?" Again I shake my head. "It had that one part that goes like this," and then he whistles quietly, perfect pitch and all as my song had went. I find myself smiling and he had to stop because he grins. "Do you remember?"

"I think," I reach for the keys again, my fingers pressing against the cool ivory keys. "I don't know."

"Close your eyes," Gale whispers. My eyelids flitter shut. "Play for me."

"I'm scared," my voice cracks.

"But I'm here," he tells me. "Right here, Madge." He presses a key and my eyes shoot open. "That one?"

"No," I shake my head.

"Eyes closed," he says again, and I close them. Again, he presses a key but I keep my eyes clamped together. "How about that one?"

"No it was higher than that," I tell him, so his free hand travels up to the top and presses the C. I laugh and reach for his hand, feeling instead of seeing. "That's way too high." His hand hovers over mine as I press a key a little lower. "It was this one."

"And then this one?" he asks, pressing the C again. I swat his hand away with a laugh, pressing the keys slowly. "You sure it didn't have this high one?"

"I'm sure," I giggle as he leans into me. "It was this one," and then I ease my eyes open, watching as my fingers flow over the keys again. The notes burst out of the darkness in my head and I'm able to see each and every one of them now, like I'm seeing the sunrise for the first time again. "This part's my favorite," I tell him, closing my eyes again and letting the music soak into me. High, low, up, down, I sigh as the sweet sound fills my ears. Gale reaches forward and presses a random key in the middle of it and my eyes snap open but I continue to play.

"What?" he asks innocently, trying to suppress the smile on his face but failing miserably. "Positive it doesn't have this one?" The C is his favorite.

"Stop!" I laugh, shoving his hand away but continuing to play. "You're making it sound awful!"

"Not a chance," he teases. "Still sounds like Madge to me." My fingers pause over the keys and his free hand engulfs one of mine. "I thought you forgot how to play," he murmurs into my temple. "You sounded pretty damn good to me." I turn to face him and his forehead slips onto mine.

"Thank you," I say as I gaze into his eyes. I don't know what I'm thanking him for. The familiar gray and brown swirls together in a mix of perfection.

He licks his lips, "Staying just friends with you is going to kill me. All I want to do is kiss you."

"It's not forever," I say, kind of hopefully. He smiles and moves away from me slightly. "Just until I learn to breathe again." Not that Gale's helping with that part on the literal sense, considering he makes my voice catch in my throat and the air in my lungs swirl "Learn to trust…" I continue.

"Don't you trust me?" he asks, raising his eyebrows playfully.

I shrug, "Eh." He laughs, throwing his head back. Just the very sound of it makes me smile. I push him and he drops his arm from around my waist. "Of course I do," I add on a more serious note. "You know I do."

* * *

><p>Gale's long gone by the time my father gets home. He walks in on me as I'm playing but I'm so lost in the vibrations I don't even notice. It's the feel of his stare that finally gets me to look up. His arms are crossed loosely around his chest and a smile plays at his lips.<p>

"Oh," my fingers stumble and I drop my hands. "Hi Daddy."

"Hi sweetie. That was beautiful."

"Thank you." He walks over and sits on the edge of the couch.

He sits quietly for a moment as we just watch each other. I'm not sure what he wants me to say. "We haven't gotten to talk much," he finally says, "and I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault,"

He cuts me off, "Yes it is. I haven't known what to say to you so I just don't say anything. I don't know how to comfort you or how to make you feel better and it's eating me alive. The fact that someone would hurt you drives me insane, Madge, you're my baby girl."

"Daddy," I sigh.

"And I couldn't protect you!" he shouts, bring his hands up to his face. "I'm your father I'm supposed to protect you…" I move myself off the bench and over to him, grabbing his hands in mine. His eyes are rimmed in red and tears push at his eyes. "I'm so sorry honey…"

"Daddy stop," I demand, my voice coming out harsh and forceful. He squints and rubs the tears from his eyes as I drop his hands. "It isn't your fault. You can't protect me forever."

"But I can try," he croaks. "Can't I?"

"I'm strong, you know I'm strong." He nods and runs his fingers through his hair. "Bad things happen so people can learn how to deal with them. How to get even _stronger_. Now it's your turn."

"But Madge, I…"

"No buts," I shake my head. "It isn't your fault and it never was." A smile cracks on his face as he cups my cheek.

"I hope I can be as brave as you one day," he says weakly.

* * *

><p>"Who was that boy here earlier?" Kasen asks that night as we eat dinner. My father's retreated to his office for some alert, most likely about another rebellion, so it's just us. He's gotten into the habit of eating with me, which I appreciate. I love the company.<p>

"Just a friend," I say coolly, but he smirks.

"Sure, Madge, I'm not an old man," he laughs. "Boyfriend?"

"Just a friend," I repeat. "That's all."

"Right, your proximity was totally friendly," he rolls his eyes as he shoves a bite of potatoes into his mouth. "Damn I'm a good cook," he mutters.

"That you are. And it was just friendly!" I repeat. "Right?"

"Wrong,"

"But!"

"No no," he shakes his head and wags his fork at me. "He's totally in love with you."

"Kasen," I laugh. "No he isn't." Images of Gale flash through my head at warp speed, how he always makes himself as close to me as possible, the way his breath dances across my skin. "Right?"

He shrugs, "He looks at you like I look at my wife. That's all I'm going to say on the topic." Whatever I force down my throat takes a minute because a lump forms as I consider this. Gale can't be in love with me, what's there to love? The more I think about it the more sure I am that he isn't. He's never told me anything he likes about being with me in a relationship, and then again I'm not sure if I want to ask.

What would he even say? I mean he said he likes blondes awhile ago… and that I play piano… but I'm of no substance. I'm terribly lame and pale and pathetically weak. Even Jace told me the things he liked about me before realizing he didn't actually like me like that. So what about Gale?

"Madge," Kasen waves his hand in front of my face. "I asked if you liked him?"

"No," I say quickly, which isn't exactly a lie. I knew a long time ago that what I felt for the boy from the Seam was a little bit more than like. A lot more than like. And I'm scared, which is why I keep coming up with these tragic excuses as to why we shouldn't be together when it's all I really want. To cuddle with him and have him make me feel special and safe and warm and it's all I want.

"Didn't think so," Kasen finishes with a grin. "You don't _like_ him at all." I know what he's playing at so I just smile.

"You're right, I don't."

* * *

><p><em>AN: We're getting into my favorite parts here soon I'm excited bring on the action man. Anyway, sorry that I made you all wait four terrible days... haha updates might be a little slower due to school. Yes, I do actually attend school. It's painful and irritating and I'd rather write all day, but AP testing is coming up and yeah... that's an issue. So enjoy the Gadge while you can! More next chapter from the Quarter Quell announcement. Exciting hehe. Enjoy!_


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: Gettin' spicy. **

* * *

><p>School starts back up the next week and thankfully Jace still allows me to sit at his lunch table. It's less awkward now that we've agreed friends is best and any remnants of a relationship are gone. Now we just laugh. At everything. Because we can't help ourselves. We laugh at the way the teachers walk around the cafeteria, we laugh at the awkward couple that's sucking face a few tables over, we laugh at the way the one light flickers in the corner. None of it's funny, but we can't stop laughing. We're clinging on to every little thing these days. With the new torture devices in our square we're trying to stay as positive as possible.<p>

That is, until the announcements flash on the screen. The announcements of a mandatory viewing of something tonight. We freeze at the sight of it and glance toward each other.

"What do you think that's about?" he asks after biting into an apple.

"Well I know Katniss took a lot of wedding pictures," I tell him. "So maybe that?"

Jace shrugs, "I guess that's all we've really got, huh?"

And that night is exactly what I thought it to be, only more. I watch Katniss twirl around in her many fantastic dresses. The crowd at the Capitol is cheering for their favorites, crying out when the ones they don't like come up. I personally will be jealous of whichever is chosen. She always looks so stunning in whatever they put her in. Maybe tomorrow I'll stop by to see her and congratulate her on her wedding, but then again maybe I won't say it like that. She probably isn't too thrilled to be forced into a marriage…

It's just been awhile since I've seen her is all, I feel like I'm losing her. I don't want to lose her. Just as the program comes to a close Caesar tells us to stay tuned. "That's right, this year will be the seventy-fifth anniversary of the Hunger Games, and that means it's time for our third Quarter Quell!"

My first thought is of Haymitch, how he won during the last Quell. He must be up in arms about now, or dead drunk. Either way, he isn't going to enjoy whatever they have to say. My father sits on the couch next to me and I feel him tense at this announcement.

"Do you know what it is?" I ask him. Maybe because he's the mayor he was informed earlier, but he shakes his head.

"No, but I don't have a very good feeling about it," he tells me. "At all." The anthem plays and then President Snow is on stage, causing my heart to drop. He makes me nervous. Very, very nervous. And then my stomach sinks too because I also get the feeling that this isn't going to be good. "Kasen, come in here," he calls. Kasen rushes out of the kitchen and sits on the couch next to me.

A young boy, younger than Rory, wearing a white suit crosses the stage. He has a small, wooden box. "Oh boy," Kasen mutters. "I remember this." President Snow tells us all about the Dark Days and the Hunger Games as if we don't know already, and then about the Quell. I haven't been alive for a Quell but I know they always do awful things. Maysilee was killed in the Quell, which makes me hate them even more.

"On the twenty-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that their children were dying because of their choice to initiate violence, every district was made to hold an election and vote on the tributes who would represent it." The way his voice is so calm makes me cringe. How could one just vote for someone to be a tribute? It's sick and terrifying and I would have opted out of voting at all.

"On the fiftieth anniversary," he continues, "as a reminder that two rebels died for each Capitol citizen, every district was required to send twice as many tributes." How Haymitch won I still have no idea. I know enough from the stories my mother told me before her disease got too awful, but that's all. They don't play his on the TV anymore.

"Rest in peace, Maysilee," I hear my father say under his breath. I grab his hand and give it a tight squeeze.

"She's in a much better place," Kasen says. I wonder if he's referring to heaven, or just because any place is better than here. Maybe both.

"And now we honor our third Quarter Quell," the president says before I have a chance to ask Kasen which meaning it is. My heart aches in my chest. I suddenly begin to panic and wonder if it will increase the odds to be not so in my favor. Maybe the more money you have the more entries, or the higher position you have in your town the more entries. That would mean less for Gale's family, which would be nice I suppose. I'd rather me go in that Rory.

The boy steps forward and opens the lid, holding it up to Snow. There's thousands of yellowed envelopes inside, how many Quells are there going to be in the world? The thought of it makes me sick.

"Good luck, sweetie," I hear Kasen whisper to me. My father sits upright and locks his jaw. The envelope marked 75 is removed and Snow opens it without hesitation.

"On the seventy-fifth anniversary," what if I'm forced to go in? "as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol," people from town would be strongest, but even they have people stronger than them… "the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors."

* * *

><p>Katniss and Peeta and Haymitch. Three of the most important people in my life, even if to a smaller degree than others. Will it be Peeta or Haymitch? Katniss doesn't have an option. My father doesn't even say anything to me as I burst out of the room, barely slipping my shoes on in time.<p>

I can't visit Haymitch, not now. He might throw something at me. Peeta's probably already planning on how to get Katniss out. Katniss… I don't even want to know what she's doing. But there's one other person that will feel as terrified as me. As broken. As scared. And his door is the one I'm pounding on.

"Madge, are you alright?" Hazelle's the one that answers. She reaches forward without hesitation and wipes under my eyes. "What's wrong?" Sometime between my house and Gale's I've started crying. "Come in, come in."

I'm ushered inside where Rory and Vick sit staring at the screen. Something else is going on but I don't notice it. They're dark skin has turned pale. I suppose Posy is upstairs sleeping. A crash echoes through the house and Rory cringes, looking down at his lap.

"Gale?" I ask weakly, and she nods. "Can I…?"

"Just be careful," she says exasperatedly. I nod and then scurry to the hallway leading to his room. His is the only one downstairs and they can all see me from the hall. It makes me feel self conscious but I knock timidly anyway.

"Rory I already told you," Gale booms as he yanks open the door, his face contorted into a painful mask of anger. Once his eyes spot me he lowers his arm that was preparing to strike and his face relaxes. "Madge," he exhales, his arms stretching forward and pulling me into his room, slamming the door behind us. Instantly his body is pressing against mine, his arms wrapped tightly around me as we lean against the door.

"Hey," I breathe out, clutching his shirt. I can see through a gap where his arm is and there's a shattered vase of sorts on the floor. Also lots of clothes like he ripped all the drawers out of his dresser, and sheets and pillows like he just needed to throw something.

"Oh, Madge," he smothers me in himself, his hands unsure where he wants to touch. "They're going back," he mutters. "They're going back…"

"I know," I reply softly. Maybe Gale loves Katniss, maybe he doesn't. It doesn't matter to me, because that's his best friend. Despite what happens to her, they're best friends and nothing is going to change that. Hunting partners. Survivors.

"Why did you come here?" he croaks, his forehead lowering to press against mine. His hands trail up to my face and hold me closer.

"Because I just needed someone…" I say quickly. "Someone who…" but then I trail off.

"Someone who _what_, Madge?" his voice is soft, his eyes pained.

"Someone who would just hold me," I whisper nervously as I feel my chin quiver and my eyes swell with tears again. "Someone who wouldn't act like everything is okay and would just hold me and make me feel safe. I needed _you,_ Gale," I whimper. He closes his eyes and nuzzles into my neck, his hands traveling down to my back again. In one swift motion he picks me up, his arm capturing me from behind my knees, and carries me to his bed.

"Let me hold you, then," he says gently, lowering himself next to me. I pull his shirt in clumps toward me and bury my nose in his chest. One of his arms wraps around my waist, the other over. His lips press against my forehead and I sigh, squeezing him closer.

"I'm scared, Gale," I mumble into his chest.

"Me too," he admits quietly. "They shouldn't have to go back, this was planned." I nod and he holds me closer. His soft scent fills the air, the smell of woods despite his lack of being in them, leather, smoke from the fire. "Madge?"

"Hm?" I sniffle.

"I'm not upset because," he hesitates. "Because I'm in love with her. You know that right? I'm not in love with her, that's not why I'm upset."

"I know, Gale, she's your best friend." I look up from his chest and meet his eyes as he nods. One of his hands travels up to play with my hair. I watch him for a long time, the way his fingers twirl about my head sending shivers down my spine. How his eyes are rimmed in red but refuse to let a tear fall. Everyone says I'm strong but Gale's the strong one. Always has been, always will be. He's my rock.

Before I even know what I'm doing I reach for his face, pressing my lips gently to his. His whole body tenses and his eyes drift shut, but his lips are warm and the hand that was playing with my hair reaching down, tugging my chin closer. When I pull away he sighs, his eyes flittering open. "Why'd you do that?" he asks softly, his nose bumping mine as he licks his lips.

"Because I…" I start, searching his eyes desperately. "It's been so long since I kissed you and…"

"No," he says with a hint of a smile. "Why'd you _stop_?" With an aching heart and a shattered soul he bends down to me, his lips teasing mine for a moment before he actually kisses me. His lips are so familiar, his taste addicting. I press my hand backward to propel myself forward as he encloses on me. He shifts so he's leaning over me and I use my elbow to keep myself up. His rough hand drags across my waist, the other getting tangled in my hair. "Madge," he breathes against my lips. His voice is desperate and it makes my insides stir as I pull him closer again.

"I need you," I reply through a sore voice. "Gale, I _need_ you." So empty, I'm tired of being so empty. I'm desperate for his touch, for his feel.

"And I need you," he says back. "No one else, you. You'll get me through this. Together, we'll get through this together." I nod as his lips trail across my jaw and down my neck. "How do you do this to me?" he asks. "How do you get my heart racing so easily? It's like nothing else matters but right now." I know he doesn't expect an answer so I just giggle and lay back across his pillow. He's still above me and he smiles. "I've never wanted to be with anyone more in my life. You make me feel so _free_, Madge." Gale kisses me again, but only lightly, because then he pulls away and whispers, "I love you."

"Gale,"

"No, I do," he says. "I do, I really do."

"Why?" I ask weakly. He smiles and pulls me to sit up with him.

"Because you're determined," he says gently, pushing a strand of hair from my face. "You never give up. You have so many reasons to just quit on everyone and everything and you don't." He leans forward and kisses me quickly, leaving his forehead to rest against mine. "You don't care what other people think about anything. You have this heart that just loves everyone despite where they come from."

"I just,"

"I love how you are with Rory," he shakes his head as he smiles. "I love how fascinated you are with everything. How against the Capitol you are despite being the mayor's daughter. How that should make you snotty and make you think you're better than everyone else but you're so _humble_."

Now I smile, "Gale,"

"I just love you Madge. I do."

My eyes get lost in his as his lips tug upward. "I love you, too," I say quietly. His eyebrows knit together, then apart, and he opens his mouth like he doesn't know what to say before closing it again.

Finally he settles on, "Really?"

"Yes," I laugh. "Really."

"You…?"

"Yes!" I repeat, my own face morphing into a grin. His jaw drops like he's shocked anyone would be possible of loving him and his eyes light up. Gale lurches toward me, his arms winding around me, his chin resting on my shoulder.

"Swear it?" he breathes, and I nod.

"I swear. Gale, I swear." He starts pressing kisses against my neck, down to my collarbone. My hands travel to his neck as he nips below my ear sending shivers through my body. I lay down again and he follows after me, his hands skirting across every area where my skin is shown. The hem of my shirt, the dip of my neck line. His lips embrace as much of me as he can. That itching comes back, the need to touch his skin that I experienced in the woods that one night. As he kisses me again I snake my hand up under his shirt. This time there's no objection as I tug it over his head.

"Wait," he breaks the kiss. "My back…" My fingers rake across his chest and he shudders. "It's… I don't…"

"Does it still hurt?" I ask unable to stop the shaking of my voice. He's so beautiful, his perfect skin and gentle stubble. The way his warmth radiates and envelopes me. He shakes his head no quickly and goes to say something but I cut him off. "Then it doesn't matter," his eyes are skeptical but he still smiles, leaning down to kiss me again.

His body presses against mine as he wraps his hands around my waist underneath my shirt. I can't figure out what to do with my hands because I want to touch all of him at once. I want to feel him, breathe him in, be with him for the rest of my short life. Slowly his fingers pry at my own shirt as if he's asking for permission, so I reach down and help him the rest of the way leaving my bra on. As I toss it to the side Gale watches me carefully.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers, his eyes trying to absorb all of me at once. "I don't… I don't even…"

"Just kiss me," I plead, and his face cracks a smile while he leans in to do just that. Now instead of stopping at my collarbone his kisses trail down my chest, his hands tickle the skin on my stomach. I've never felt more alive in my entire life; all I want to do is touch him. My hands reach for the button on his jeans but he breaks the kiss.

"Not tonight," he says almost painfully. "Not yet."

"But I," he cuts me off with a kiss.

"My mom's in the next room, Madge," he laughs, the sound sending goosebumps across my entire body. "I want to, just not tonight." I must make some disapproving angry face because he laughs and kisses me all over again. "I love you," he mumbles, crushing his lips against me again. "I love you," another kiss, "I love you," kiss, "I love you…"

"Stop!" I giggle, pushing him off. He grins and licks his lips. "What time is it?" He looks around his room as if he's looking for a clock and then shrugs before rolling off the bed. He tosses a few things around on the floor and I sit up. He even chucks my shirt at me playfully before he lifts up the clock. Must've came down during his fit of rage.

"Going on 11," he says. "The kids'll be going to sleep soon, if not already."

I raise an eyebrow at him, "Meaning what?"

"Meaning…" he trails off suggestively. "I should probably go to bed too."

"Tease," I laugh. He turns around with a grin to pick something up, and this is the first time I get a clear sight of his back. I gasp without even meaning to, and he snaps around quickly. Each crack of the whip is visible, the sound of that wretched day echoes in my head.

"It was awful wasn't it," he mutters.

"No," I say quickly, crawling across the bed to make my way to him. "It wasn't, it just caught me by surprise is all…"

"I'm not stupid, Madge," he sighs, raking his fingers through his hair. "I've seen it, it's awful."

"It's only awful because it's from _them_," I enforce, grabbing his face in my hands. "Okay? It doesn't make me love you any less." He kisses me quickly and I sigh. "Let me see." I'm on the edge of the bed and he's on the floor. "Please?" Hesitantly, he turns around. Scars electrify his back and I reach forward to trace one. A shiver shoots down his spine but he says nothing, just lets me trace them. After another moment I lean forward and kiss one, then another.

"Madge," he sighs. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss the side of his face. He turns to look at me and pushes me up toward the bed, following after.

"Do you work tomorrow?" I ask quietly. He pulls me into his arm and shakes his head yes.

"Why?"

"Just wondering," I lie. His nose bumps mine and I blush.

"Do you want to stay?" he asks lightly. "If you stayed would your father send out the search party?"

I laugh, "No, he wouldn't send out the search party." As I ran out the door I told him I might not be back and not to worry. Although he probably would anyway. Maybe I had anticipated staying the entire night.

"Then you should stay," he soothes, his hand twirling through my hair. "Tomorrow _is_ Saturday…"

"But you work," I mumble as he kisses me again. "And you're not missing it."

"Are you planning on keeping me up tonight?" he asks slyly, another blush spreading across my cheeks. "I want you to stay," the vibrations of his voice give me tingles. "Just tonight…"

"Your mom'll kill me."

"Not a chance," he grins.

"Fine, then she'll kill you," I smirk. He laughs again and presses another kiss to me. So many kisses tonight I could drown in them and never care to breathe again.

"More plausible," he admits, "yet I'm still not caring… Here," he pushes himself off the bed and lumbers over to his dresser, yanking it open and extracting a shirt that managed to survive the earlier rage. "You can wear this," he tosses it at me. I sit up and catch it and hold it up, it's over my knees. I silently thank whoever's up there that made Gale so tall his shirts act as nightgowns for me.

Without hesitation I slip it over my head, straightening it out nicely. Then I jump to the floor and pull my jeans off. Just like a nightgown, it covers me completely. "Well?"

"If only my mom wasn't home," he says, shaking his head slowly with a smile before he pulls me into his arms again.

* * *

><p>I stir in my sleep as Gale's crawling back into bed donned in his mining uniform. I turn to face him and he grins. "Hey," he says quietly.<p>

"What time is it?" I yawn and nuzzle myself into his chest.

"Only around 7, there was a gas leak so we were all sent home." His arms wrap around me and his forehead presses against mine. The odds are definitely in our favor today. "Go back to sleep, Madge." So I do, and then when I wake up again I'm still in his arms. He's already awake and his fingers are spinning through my hair.

"Morning," I mumble, rubbing at my eyes.

"Afternoon," he shoots back with a smirk. "Or, well, almost."

"How'd you sleep?" I yawn again and he nuzzles into me.

"If you were here every night I might be the most well rested person in district 12," he laughs. "Should you be getting home soon?" I groan and shove my face back into his chest. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Don't make me," I mutter. "Let me stay here forever."

"If I could I would," he says back, his lips in my hair. Home is back to reality. Home is where my father locks himself in his room and the Quell will be all that's discussed. That isn't home. Home is here, home is with Gale. "Come on," he scoots away from me, allowing me to sit up and stretch. "Hell, you're beautiful," he says quietly as I do so. "So beautiful…" he trails off as I stand on my knees, leaning toward him and pulling his face to mine.

"And yours?" I ask weakly, lips inches from mine.

He nods, "Oh yes. All mine." He lunges forward, attacking my lips with his as I grin. "And I'm all yours. I swear."

"As _expected_," I say back.

"Here," he leans down and grabs my jeans. "You might want to put those on before you walk out there. Or my mom _will_ kill you." I laugh and hop off the bed, sliding the material up my legs as Gale watches with a smirk. "You're adorable," he mutters, his eyes trailing up my body. "Now your shirt," he rolls his eyes. I look down at the one that I'm wearing, the one that smells like him, and I hesitate.

"But I… fine." He raises his eyebrows as I slip it off me, chucking it at his face so he can't watch. "I _wanted_ to keep it," I admit shyly. My own shirt slips over my head before Gale yanks the one from his face and he hands it back to me.

"Then it's yours," he grins. I smirk and hold it close, but then set it on his bed so I can tie my hair up. For a tiny house while it's still chilly outside, it's pretty hot in here. Then again, that might be due to… "Wait," Gale rakes the ponytail holder out of my hair. "Don't wear your hair up."

"But it's hot," I say, my eyes squinting at him.

"Just for now…" his eyes dart toward my neck and I bring my hand up to cover it quickly.

"You didn't."

"Not intentionally?" the mirth in his eyes is unmistakable. I stride across to the mirror on his wall and lift my hair up. There, clear as day by my collarbone, is a hickey. He's given me a hickey. I turn around to yell at him but he's grinning and I lose all the anger behind it.

"My dad's going to kill me!" I jab a finger at him instead.

"Well I said…" Gale starts, but a light drumming on the door makes him stop.

"Gale, wake up!" Posy coos from the other side. "It is _late_!"

"After you," I motion, crossing my arms after gesturing toward the door. With a smirk he grabs my chin, kissing me quickly. With every press of his lips my heart somersaults in my chest.

"Gale!" Posy giggles as he opens the door, rushing forward and attaching herself to his leg. "Mommy was worried you would sleep _all_ _day_." Her eyes widen when she sees me. "Hi, Madge," she lets go of Gale's leg.

"Hi Posy," I say back, a blush creeping onto my cheeks. Then, she stumbles backwards and races toward the living room. "Madge is still here, Rory! You were _right_!"

"Oh sweet mercy," Gale mutters, dragging me out of his room by my wrist. Rory, Vick, and Posy all sit on the couch, grins on their faces as they try to stop their giggling. Hazelle is scrubbing dishes in the sink and she turns to look at us as we stride into the room. "Morning Ma," Gale says, cutting across the room to kiss his mother on the cheek. "Siblings," he notes, nodding at them.

"Good morning," I say, my voice shaking. Gale smirks and walks over to me, his arm wrapping around my waist as he pulls me to the door.

"We'd love to stay but Madge should probably…"

"No so fast," Hazelle snaps, dropping the dishes into the sink with a bang. "Table, now."

"Yes ma'am," I sputter out quickly, rushing toward the kitchen table. Gale groans and lumbers after me, taking the seat to my left. Hazelle dries her hands on a dishrag and steps across the room, sitting at the table as well. Her eyes dart between both of us, and then I hear another giggle from the couch.

"Please don't tell me we're…" Gale starts, a heat creeping onto his own cheeks.

"Oh yes," Hazelle cuts him off. "We're having that talk."

"Ma, the kids are on the couch…!"

"Well if you want to act like adults than you two can deal with an adult talk."

"We didn't do anything, Hazelle," I say quickly. "Really, nothing like _that_…"

"Madge," Posy cuts us off. All our heads turn to face her. "What's on your neck?" Gale groans and his face lands in his hands as a pink spreads across my cheeks while I fumble with my hair trying to get it cover my neck. Rory's in an uproar from the living room and I swear I catch Hazelle smirk.

* * *

><p>"That was mortifying," Gale mumbles as he walks me home. "The entire thing."<p>

"I thought it was funny," I giggle, grabbing his hand. His fingers intertwine with mine and I pull myself closer to him. "Oh, come on Gale." He glances down at me and I press myself on my tiptoes, snatching a kiss from him. "I love you," I remind him gently, and he grins.

As we get closer to town his hand slips from mine and I don't mind. This is how it'll be for now, this is how it'll be until we talk to Katniss, until he talks to my father and asks for permission. _I want to do it right_, he told me last night. _You and me. No mistakes this time_.

When we reach my house Kasen is out on the porch browsing a newspaper. "Well it's about time you stumbled home," he says without looking up.

"Mad?" I ask quietly, referring to my father.

"Mad," Kasen repeats, finally dropping the newspaper. His eyes glance toward Gale who's taken a step back.

"Just… walking her home…" he says nervously. The way he fidgets even makes me giddy. I turn to him and smile, stepping closer so only he can hear me. "Last night was probably one of the best nights of my life," he says quietly. "Just because you were with me."

"Shut up," I laugh, but still end up blushing. "I gotta go."

"I love you," he says quickly before stepping backward, looking in Kasen's direction one more time before making his way back toward his home. I watch him for a moment before turning to Kasen who now wears a satisfied smirk.

"You _had_ to wait outside," I grumble as I make my way past him.

"I thought he wasn't your boyfriend," Kasen teases. I push him before storming into the house, a snicker follows after me.

"My father hears _nothing_ of this, understand?"

"He's my boss, sweetie," Kasen says as he opens the door for me. "If he wants to know something then I have to tell him." I collapse on the couch with a huff and he laughs while sitting next to me. "You might want to keep your hair over your shoulders, not behind."

"Kasen!" I groan, tugging my hair forward.

"Well you don't want to insult our guest," he says, pushing himself off the couch and toward the kitchen.

I raise my eyebrows and drop my hands from my hair. "Guest?"

* * *

><p><em>AN: I've had some people worrying that Gale and Madge won't have a happy ending, but this is me promising they will. This is me promising she survives the bombing. This is me promising there will be more trouble, but they will get through it. That's what people do when they love each other, they work through their troubles. Lemme know what you liked and didn't like about the chapter. x_


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: Filler chapter. **

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><p>The angry screaming coming from upstairs causes me to flinch and I can't even pick out the words being said. Kasen returns to the kitchen as if nothing's happening and I follow after him.<p>

"Who's up there?" I ask, my eyes widening. "Someone from the Capitol?"

"Oh yes," Kasen nods, reaching for the stove and switching it on to start a pot of tea. He knows me so well I don't even need to ask for it.

"Well?" I'm basically on his heels waiting for a response.

"That doctor man," he shrugs. "The one who tested you. He wants to test you again. Something about faulty equipment… I don't know." He hums like it's no big deal but it just agitates me.

"But we already know that I have the disease," I mutter angrily. "What more could he want? Different equipment isn't going to change anything." Kasen shrugs and continues to busy himself. I have a hunch he knows more than he's letting off but I don't question him and further considering me he isn't pressing about my night. I sigh and collapse into a chair at the kitchen table. "How's my father? Besides being angry at me?"

"Angry at everyone and everything." I hear something smash against the floor and another burst of noise constituting some yelling. I wonder if my mother's asleep, and if so how she manages to sleep through this with or without morphling. "I'd leave him be if I were you." I tap my foot angrily, because Kasen definitely knows more than he's saying. Finally he sits across from me and glances around the kitchen. "Grash thinks your house is bugged," he whispers faintly. "He also is trying to get your father against the Capital or something. Something to do with a mockingjay, I don't know."

"That's contradictory. If we're bugged then…"

"Exactly," Kasen shrugs. "I mean I know he's from the Capitol but I didn't think they were _all_ idiots. Might be a set up. I honestly don't know. I only catch bits and pieces of the conversation when it comes down the vents." He looks around again. "You know the gas leak at the mines today?" I nod. "It was staged."

"What do you mean it was staged?" I mutter.

"It didn't _happen_, Madge. You're a smart girl, think." I furrow my brows and glare at him. Why would someone stage a gas leak in the mines? "If people aren't working…"

But then it hits me, "Then they don't get paid." He nods. "But… but who staged it?"

"Bits and pieces," he repeats dully. Moments later the back door slams open and Bristel rushes in.

"Sorry I'm late!" she shouts. "Don't tell your dad!" I run my fingers across my lips as if I'm zipping them and she collapses into the chair next to me. "Hey Kasen," she nods to him, and he nods back as he gets up to finish the tea. "Can I get a glass too?" Again, he nods. "Who's upstairs?"

"Grash," I mumble. Bristel's eyes raise and she looks up.

"Already?" Both Kasen and I turn to look at her but she's looking down at the table by the time we do. "It's early, is all I mean."

"It's the afternoon," Kasen replies, his eyes narrowing on her. Her cheeks flare up but she doesn't respond to him.

Instead she turns toward me, her eyes widening. "Madge, what's on your neck?" I groan and throw my head into my hands.

* * *

><p>Grash is ushered out of the house before I even get a glimpse of him. I'm too busy talking to Kasen about how wonderful it feels that spring is finally here. How the birds are chirping and the grass is green again. I don't even realize Bristel gets up to <em>escort<em> Grash out. I do however catch her walking back in.

"I didn't even notice you got up," I say, and she shrugs, walking over to the sink to do some dishes. "Were you talking to Grash?"

"No," she shakes her head. But she's lying. Bristel's lying to me I can hear it in her voice. "Just making sure he actually left." A few moments later a timid knock echoes through the house. "I'll get it."

"No, I'll get it," I say, and then we both rush to the door. I think she's expecting it to be Grash again, and I think I am too, but it's not. It's Peeta. Wide eyed, broken hearted, Peeta. In the midst of my night I seem to have forgotten all about him. The entire situation rushes back into my thoughts and my eyes are already filling with tears. They're going back. Bristel makes her way back to the kitchen as I run forward into his welcoming arms.

"Hey," he croaks out, but I won't release my grip on him. Before I know it I'm crying again. As much as I try not to, I do. "I just wanted to stop by. Say hello. You know…"

"Peeta," I croak too, I swear I hear him chuckle. I pull away and my hand cups his face. "It could be Haymitch," I say weakly, but he shakes his head. Would that make it any better?

"It'll be me. I want it to be me." He ushers me outside and pulls me to sit on the porch next to him. My head leans into his arm and he sighs, holding me close. "What I told you about making Katniss mine… it was wrong. That's all wrong, Madge. You can't force people to love you."

"What do you mean?" I mumble, my voice muffled by his sleeve.

"All that matters is that I love her. That she lives… I don't care what happens to me." He throws his head back and lets out a laugh. It's so sudden it startles me and I pull away to meet his eyes. "Is that pathetic? That I'd give up my life to save the girl I'm in love with despite her being in love with someone else?"

"No, Peeta," I touch his arm. "It's not pathetic. It's not." His head drops into his hands and he rubs his eyes. "Peeta listen to me," I've finally stopped crying but I can still feel the lump that lingers in the back of my throat. "Do everything you can. I'll help. I'll help you fight."

"Fight for _what_, Madge?" he groans.

"No matter what, two of you come home. A mentor and a victor. Right?" he looks up at me and hesitates. "You have the advantage! You were just there; you don't know any of the others in the Games!" His eyebrows knit as he looks away, but I can tell he's still listening. "Get Haymitch to stop drinking," I say quickly. "Train. Be a Career."

"Madge," he tries cutting me off but I stop him.

"_No_, Peeta. I'll help. I'll do anything you need me to do, but two of you are coming home."

"I'm going into that arena," he forces. "I'm going to make sure Katniss gets home."

"And she's going to make sure you get home," I drawl. "You think she doesn't love you but she does. Just in a different way." Still he doesn't look at me, but I keep talking. "Either way, one of you is coming out of the arena, if not both."

"It's not going to work that way again, Madge," he snaps.

"I didn't say it would be _that_ way." Peeta starts shaking his foot and rubs at his chin. "Call Effie, make her send you tapes of the other Games. Watch them. Learn about your competition. You can do this, Peeta." Finally, he looks back at me. "Did you sleep at all last night?" I ask quietly and he shakes his head. I can tell. The bags under his eyes are heavy and dark.

"I've gotta go," he mutters. He stands up and grabs my wrist, pulling me up as well. Again, he hugs me. "You really think so?" he asks. "That she loves me?"

"Yes," I reply through a muffled voice. "Do what I said, okay? Please?" He releases me and nods. "Right now."

"Right now?"

"Right now," I repeat. He nods again, his jaw locking as a muscle in his cheek twitches. His eyes turn piercing blue and he sighs, nodding one more time before he strides off down the stairs back toward Victor's Village.

Only after he's gone do I wonder where those ideas came from. I spit them out like I had them all planned when in truth they just bubbled out of me. The depths of my mind. My finger twirls around the ring Haymitch gave me_. Free once more_, he said. Free they'll be, too.

* * *

><p>I wait until night to sneak out and visit Haymitch. I know Katniss has got to be at home by then and Peeta must be off painting or throwing his fist at the wall. I don't even knock, I just slip through the door. He's passed out at the kitchen table, a half empty bottle in his hand.<p>

"Haymitch!" I shout, and he rouses immediately. "Give me that," I grumble, yanking the glass out of his grip.

"Peeta tried to take it all," he mumbles to me. "Didn't find this one! Lousy boy dumped it all down the drain…" he trails off and rubs at his eyes. I suppress the smile that wants to shine when I hear what Peeta did. I have to seem strong right now, in charge. I didn't expect him to dump it all down the drain… he's smart. "What're you doing here anyway, kid?"

"I came to give this back," I tell him, yanking the small piece of jewelry from my hand. "I want you to have it."

"I won't be going in," he mutters. He's obviously talked to Peeta. "It was a gift."

"It doesn't matter, Haymitch." I pull his hand up and shove the ring on to whatever finger it manages to fit on. "Wear it. You know what it says, right?" He rolls his eyes and pulls his hand from my grip. "Free once more. You're smart, Haymitch." His eyes dart toward me and then down at the ring.

"What're you trying to say, sweetheart?"

"Get them out." I hesitate for a moment considering I don't have any solid proof, but I go for it anyway. "There was a man in my house today. Apparently he's… he's…"

"Spit it out, would you?"

"He's trying to get my father against the Capitol." Haymitch raises an eyebrow and I slump into the chair across from him. "Do something. Anything!" His eyes dart around like he's studying my face and he nods slowly.

"What was this guy's name, eh?"

"Grash, he's from the Capitol. I don't know… he ran out before I could ask anything." Still, Haymitch nods slowly.

"Peeta wants us to train, that your idea?" I drop my eyes and he smirks. "It would appear you're my Goddaughter after all." There's a long pause before he says anything else. "Katniss and me, we'll get our names drawn."

"How do you know?" I ask. "It could be Peeta."

"No," he cuts me off. "It won't be. The entire thing'll be rigged. People they want gone, people they should've ended awhile ago. Rebels. The crazies. Cresta. Mason. Chaff."

"You're not a rebel," I say quietly. "You're a drunk."

Haymitch lets out a hearty laugh and then shrugs, "Gotta be a drunk for a reason, eh?" He rubs at his chin and glances down at the ring. "Let me know anything you find out about this Grash fellow, alright?" I nod and he smiles. "Thanks for the ring, sweetheart."

* * *

><p>The next following weeks pass quickly. Gale shows up in the middle of the night for some kisses. We haven't had the chance to talk to my father, or Katniss. I think he wants it that way. I honestly don't think he wants her to know. Maybe it's best that way. I manage to sneak Katniss the newspapers I steal from my father's office when he isn't home that are betting on winners. She seems to be at the top in most of them, along with some people from the Career districts. Haymitch learns how to run again. Prim visits to play the piano on days she can't focus. Peeta asks me to pose for a picture that he won't let me look at.<p>

I visit Katniss one night, a night closer to the Reaping. "Madge," Katniss sighs as I thrust the paper her way. "You don't have to keep doing this."

"You're my friend, Katniss," I enforce. "I can't run fast, I'm not athletic." She smiles at me and accepts the paper. "This is all I can do to help." Then out of nowhere she pulls me into her arms for a long hug. "Katniss," I sigh.

"You've always been a true friend," she chokes out. "Thank you. Thank you so much." She drops her grip on me and glances down at my necklace. A small laugh escapes her, "When'd you get that?"

"Before you even came home," I tell her. She smiles and reaches for it, examining it between her fingers gently before dropping it with a thud against my chest. "I believe in you, Katniss."

"I wish we could've had more time to hang out," she says sadly. "Like when you'd play the piano for me or when you'd try to shoot an arrow and it would end up bouncing off a tree." To that we both giggle and it feels like old times again. "I wish I could've taught you more."

"You taught me plenty," I reassure her. "And almost none of it had to do with the bow and arrow." A smile cracks on her face and she pulls me into another hug.

I stop by at Haymitch's house after leaving hers and tell him everything I've heard about Grash. My father has been shouting into the phone very angrily about rebellions and uprisings. I tell Haymitch about how Grash and Bristel seem to be having secret meetings. I tell him how my father clams up at the subject and no one seems to tell me what's going on. Even Grash only glances at me when he's by the house which is more often than not recently.

"You've got guts, Madge," Haymitch tells me. He sips on a cup of tea that night and hasn't had a drop of alcohol since the night I gave him the ring back. "Listen, I'm planning something. Not just me but a lot of us. We're planning something."

But that's all he tells me. That they're planning _something_. Before I leave, however, he gives me a long hug. I'm getting lots of hugs tonight. "Good luck," I mumble into his chest. Haymitch, my savior. Gone in a few days. Maybe for good. "Remember the ring."

"Couldn't forget it sweetheart."

As he pulls away I catch his saddened smile. "I couldn't ask for a better Godfather," I tell him before leaving his house. Hugs. Sad smiles. That's all anyone's had for the past few days. Peeta and I barely talk other than me rambling about how much I care about him, and him doing the same. If we stay on the subject for too long I have to leave because I can't stop the tears from falling.

But I'll get the chance to tell them again how important they are to me. After they're Reaped I'll visit them again. I'll make sure they don't forget me, that they know I'll never forget them. Except, there's a problem with my plan.

Katniss stands alone on her side of the ropes and marches to the stage herself when she's called. Haymitch was right, it's his name that gets picked. Peeta doesn't hesitate to volunteer. And then everyone is ushered into the Justice Building. Only, right after that they're ushered onto the train. No goodbyes. No farewells. I may never see them again and my feet pull me toward the train as quickly as possible but it's already shooting toward the Capitol. Prim is screaming in the background, Gale knelt down at her side whispering frantically to her. My voice is caught in my throat.

"New policy," Thread tells me with a sickening, repulsive grin.

And just like that, they're gone from me.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I know that was really fast paced but there wasn't much that could've happened between the two dates. Tried to slip in some Katniss/Madge as well as Peeta/Madge and Haymitch/Madge. Tiny obscure bits of Gadge which will be made up for next chapter. Kind of lame. Hope you at least partially enjoyed it._


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: Just because I now have 2 fics I'm working on doesn't mean I'm abandoning this one, sillies.**

* * *

><p>After the crowd clears it's just me and Gale. Standing. Staring at the empty train platform. Even Prim and Mrs. Everdeen have left. Just me and Gale. Slowly he lumbers over to me considering I can't move my feet. They feel like lead, my legs are jelly. I can't turn to face him. I can't turn to look at him. Peeta and Katniss are gone. I'll see Haymitch again some way somehow, but Peeta and Katniss…<p>

"Hey," his voice is low and pained as his hand reaches for mine, no longer caring as to who's watching. His fingers loop with mine and he gives me a tight squeeze, and yet I can't respond. "Madge," his voice is hoarse. I know he's hurting too. More than me, maybe. Maybe a lot more than me.

"You love her," I note.

"It's not the same," he says quickly but I shrug, finally leaning into his arm.

"I know. But you still love her." And the fact is that it doesn't bother me. "We should've told her."

"I was going to," he says weakly. "It wouldn't have been the best time but I was going to when I said goodbye so she didn't think she was abandoning me…" the words come out as a choke and he pulls me to him, my face diving into his chest. "I'm sorry."

I don't know what he's sorry for. For me not getting the chance to say goodbye. For him not getting the chance to say goodbye. For not telling Katniss. For Katniss leaving. It doesn't matter. Because I'm sorry too, and no matter how many times we say it, it won't be enough.

I'm not quite sure how it happens but I end up back at Gale's house tangled in his arms. We don't speak, just touch. His lips against my skin, his breath filling the air. It's the only sound. Breathing. We have nothing to say, we're hurting too much. Sometimes people become so desperate they need something to cling onto. He is my something, I am his. He trails down my collarbone, his fingers tease at my waist. Nothing about the action is teasing, though. Desperate. Scared. Weak. Fully clothed. Just holding me. Needing me like I need him.

At one point in the night a stream of tears leaks through his shield and I pretend not to notice, only snuggling closer to him. Later when the same thing happens to me he does the same. Lips against lips, skin against skin. His face in my hands, mine in his. Kisses. Broken hearts. Terrified souls. I've never been more scared in my life of what's going to happen next. Not here, lying in bed with Gale, the only person who's left that can make me feel safe, but out there in the world with a snakelike president and his brainwashed minions.

I wake up to an empty bed. I'm still in my clothes from yesterday. Jean shorts cling to my thighs uncomfortably and I force myself out of Gale's bed. As much as I want to linger, soak up his scent, it won't help anyone. I hear movement in the kitchen and my feet drag me out there as I rub my eyes. I collapse into a chair without a greeting, one just won't leave my throat.

"Drink this," Hazelle says quietly as she places a cup of tea in front of me. "It'll make you feel better." I don't question her as I sip on it. Rory sits in the living room lifelessly staring at the TV which is off. With my wake he makes his way over to the table. Hazelle gives him a cup too.

We sip in silence for a little bit as Hazelle tries to busy herself with the dishes, but after a few minutes that too becomes unbearable. She excuses herself and takes Posy upstairs to their room.

"Where's Vick?" I ask, my voice coming out hoarser than intended.

Rory shrugs, "Outside playing kickball, I think." Again the idea of being young, being free. It makes me miss it. "Madge, do you love Gale?" The question is so sudden I have to sit my cup down and swallow whatever I have in my mouth before I realize what he's asking.

"Yes," I say quietly. "Why?"

"Does he love you?" Rory's voice is so monotonous it has me worried.

"He says he does," I reply. That sounds awful so I add, "Yes. I believe so." He nods and blows on his tea, the small swirl of steam escaping into the air around him. "Why?"

"I don't know," he says. "I'm just wondering." There's a pause in the conversation as I wait for him to really say what he means. "I always thought he loved Katniss."

"He does," I say simply.

"But you just said…"

I cut him off, "He can love me, too. And he does." Rory nods, his eyes staring at the rim of his cup. "What's wrong, Rory?"

"Nothing," he mutters.

"Rory,"

"Nothing, Madge!" he snaps, his eye finally looking up to meet mine. "Nothing's wrong! Just drop it!" His harsh tone shocks me and I swallow the lump it made form in my throat. Rory. Yelling at me. I see in his eyes how he must notice I'm hurt and he slumps backwards in his chair. "He's always spending time with you," he mutters. "That, or he's working. Or was with Katniss. Or just not here. He's never here anymore." The lump in my throat is noticeably smaller but it's still here. Rory thinks I'm stealing his older brother away from him. "It's like he doesn't love us anymore."

"You know that's ridiculous," I say forcefully. Rory's eyes snap back up to mine and the anger is back. "No, don't you look at me like that Rory Hawthorne."

"You don't under_stand_, Madge!" he hisses. I've never seen Rory more fired up in my life. "You've never struggled to survive like we have! You've had everything you ever wanted! We're the ones who've had to struggle!" He shakes his head and rakes his fingers through his hair. If he had his cup in his hand I'm almost 100 percent sure it would have shattered by now. "And now he's gone! For _you_!" His voice is escalating and I'm sure Hazelle hears it upstairs but chooses to ignore it, knowing nothing she could say will change anything. Hell, maybe she's thinking the same thing.

"He loves you, Rory," I force out. "All of you. More than me. If it was between you guys or me it would be you no question."

"I doubt that sometimes," he mutters, crossing his arms angrily over his chest. "You just get everything you want. I wish my life was perfect like yours." With that I blink back a set of tears, slamming my cup on the table and shoving myself away from the table.

I stride toward the door as I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and say, "My life is far from perfect, Rory."

* * *

><p>I cry the entire way home. I cry once I get there. I cry in my bed. I fall back asleep crying until the scent of dinner wafting from downstairs wakes me. It's not even just what Rory said, it's everything. I cry because my mother's sick, and so am I. I cry because of Cassius. I cry because of Peeta and Katniss and what Haymitch could potentially do, what he could cause. My eyes are puffy and red, anyone could tell I've been bawling my eyes out. I crawl downstairs, the bright lights overhead blinding me. I collapse in the seat I always sit it and notice my father's chair is empty. Again.<p>

Kasen comes out, resting his hand gently on my shoulder for a moment before returning to get some food. I want to cry. I want to cry again until I drown in my pointless tears. But I'm out. My eyes are dry, I can't conjure a tear.

"Everything will be okay," Kasen tells me that night. "Have faith."

I want to laugh. Faith? Faith in what? There's obviously no God. No hope anymore with Katniss and Peeta going back. Faith in Haymitch? Let's be realistic, he's just a drunk. What was he planning? A return to the liquor once he gets away from the prying eyes in the district? What is faith? Why don't I have it anymore? I wish I had some answers.

* * *

><p>I don't see Gale until the next day. He comes to my house in the middle of the night tossing rocks at my window. At first I'm reluctant to go outside but I know he won't stop until I go see him. He's waiting for me with his arms down at his side, his face pained.<p>

"Hell, Madge," he runs straight to me, not waiting for me to answer, wrapping his arms tightly around me. All the air escapes my body as he holds me close. "I tried coming earlier but I kept getting held up."

"It's okay," I choke out as he releases me. "It's fine."

"No it's not, my mom told me what Rory said to you." His hand cups my face and he lowers his forehead to mine. "He had no right to say that, any of that."

"It's okay," I say again, but I have to look away when I remember the words uttered from the boy who used to be so kind to me.

"He's just hormonal. Just a hormonal teenage boy and he's scared and he's hurting because of the Games; he didn't mean any of it."

"Yes he did, Gale," I push him away and force the tears back into my eyes. "Maybe he's right," I add quietly.

"Stop," his hand reaches for my chin and forces me to look at him. "Don't say that. These past few months have been hell for you…"

"Yeah, months," I mutter, pushing his hand off my chin. "Other than that he was _right_, Gale. I've been fine for years. That's what hurt the most."

"I said stop," he says again, leaning toward me, lightly pushing me against the wall of my home. "I don't want to hear it. He's 13, Madge, he doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't know what you've been through." He tries to keep me looking at him but my eyes stay pointed up. I heard that prevents crying. It doesn't work very well. "Madge," his voice is pained as he pleads, trying to get me to look at him. "I can't lose you too, don't let me lose you too."

"You won't," I squeak back. "I promise." His lips press against mine gently and I hear him sigh. "Rory thinks you're abandoning him for me," I tell him as his forehead presses against mine again.

"But I'm not. Why can't I have both?"

"Family first, Gale," I enforce. "Always make family first."

"You're pretty damn close to family," he whispers before kissing me again. "Okay?" The statement makes my insides clench and I nod as he kisses me again. "You want to know what I heard in the mines today?"

"What?" I ask, my hands reaching up to pull him for another kiss.

"They finally took Cassius away," he whispers against me. "Took him to the Capitol."

"They did?" Another kiss.

"Yes. He's not gonna hurt you ever again, Madge."

"They took him?" Gale nods rapidly and I can't help but smiling against his lips. "For good?"

"For good, you'll never see him again." Kiss. Kiss. His arms wrap around my waist and mine around his neck. "We can't keep sneaking around," Gale whispers. His breath tickles my lips and I lick them, receiving an all knowing smirk. "I want to talk to your dad."

"Gale," I sigh, cupping his face.

"Madge I meant what I said. I want to do this right, I'm not messing it up." He leans down and kisses me again, the pain and passion he holds within exploring my soul. "I love you, and I'm not messing this up."

"When?" I mumble. "Not right now."

He laughs, "Obviously not right now, it's the middle of the night." I smile as he kisses me again. "Tomorrow?"

"No, no…" I shake my head. "Can't we wait awhile? He's really busy lately…"

"Liar," he smirks. "I just want to talk to him, what are you afraid of?" My silence to his question makes him sigh as he nuzzles into my neck. "You think he'll be against it because of where I'm from, don't you?"

"Gale,"

"No, don't Gale me, you know it's true." He pulls away and again rests his forehead on mine. "That's not your fault, you know."

"There's also the drinking…" I mumble. "He found out about that."

"Okay, that might be my fault," he smiles teasingly. "But I'm not going to do anything stupid. I'm tired of hiding. Everything that's happened just makes me want to be with you more. I hate you being alone."

"Which leads us back to Rory," I sigh, resting my head back on the house.

"You're my girlfriend," Gale says. "And he's my brother. And I love you both."

"Then what are you going to do about it?" I ask. "Hm?"

"Stand with both of you in the square the opening ceremonies?" he suggests. "I need you there, Madge. There's no way I'll be able to get through it without you."

"You won't have to," I promise him.

* * *

><p>The next morning I wake up to my father shouting about something downstairs. Terrified Gale might have said something anyway I rush down as quickly as I can. That, however, isn't the case. There's a box on the porch that he swears he didn't order.<p>

"Listen Leon," the man at the door stays to my father. "I already said they're not for you." I stand on the steps and listen but the man points to me anyway. "They're for her."

"Margret Undersee did you order something without my approval?" his angry voice booms toward me.

"No, Daddy," I say quickly, scurrying down the rest of the stairs.

"How on earth am I going to pay for this?" he mutters, which irritates me. We have plenty of money. Don't we?

"Sir, they're already paid for. I've said that three times. All you need to do is sign this." He thrusts the paper at him again.

"Well what's inside?" my father snaps, snatching the pen from his hand and signing quickly.

"I'm just the delivery guy," he says before carrying the box inside. "Have a good day," he says dully.

Once the door shuts my father crosses his arms angrily and taps his foot. "Well, open it. It's for you anyway." I rub the sleep out of my eyes and lunge forward to the box. All knowing Kasen brings out a pair of scissors and hands them to me lightly before returning to the kitchen. I pry the scissors through the packing tape and yank the lid off. What's in the box is nothing what I was expecting. But then again, what was I expecting?

Hundreds of flexible plastic golden wrist bands with black mockingjay imprinted on them wait for me. All sizes. There's also a list that I read to myself, making sure my father doesn't see. The Hawthorne's. The Everdeen's. Thom's family. Bristel's family. People I haven't heard of. It's people who need these bracelets. But there's more than that. At the bottom of the list it says _choose wisely_. Haymitch sent these. He wants me to give them out. He wants me to help start the rebellion in 12.

* * *

><p>I carry a bag filled with the bracelets to the square that night. A bag to give to Gale for his family, but also for people in the mines. "Here," I slip one on his wrist before he can stop me. "Team Mockingjay," I whisper.<p>

"You're going to get us killed," he murmurs with a smile. I hand him the bag. "What's this?"

"For your family, if you want them to have it. I understand if you don't." But Posy walks over just then and is fascinated by the pretty golden color, forcing Gale to give her one. "Maybe I should've waited…"

"No, it's okay," he says. "I like it, I think. It'll make them feel better, maybe." Posy runs off and hands one to Vick who accepts it happily.

"Take the rest to the mines," I tell him. "Can you? Not if you think it's a bad idea, though. I mean people already think the mines…"

"No," he shakes his head. "I'll take them. They're perfect. They'll show us who's with us." He presses a kiss to my lips quickly with a grin. "You're a genius."

"Haymitch sent them," I blush, pushing him away lightly. "So thank him."

Gale laughs, "Never."

Just then the screen flickers to the Capitol announcers. They're very sullen this year, not very excited to talk about the Games it would seem. I guess the people of the Capitol really do get attached to their Victors. Rory and Prim stand close together, they may even be holding hands. That at least gets me to smile a bit. The chariots ride on. One, two, electricity from three, Finnick Odair in a golden fishnet, five, morphling from six, Johanna Mason is a tree, eight, nine, ten with flaming belts, eleven… twelve. Us. Them. Katniss and Peeta. Embers. Glowing. Unforgiving.

A hush falls over the square and Gale grips my hand tighter. Both of their eyes stare forward. They don't acknowledge the crowd. Cinna and Portia have done it once again. They're stealing the show. No one speaks. No one in the crowd cheers. And slowly, Gale touches his three fingers to his lips and holds it to the screen. I follow suit. Prim, Rory. Even little Posy who watches Vick do it. Mrs. Everdeen, Hazelle. We're the first. Then all at once. The entire crowd. The farewell gesture Peeta and Katniss will never see. Our hands stay raised until the screen flickers back to black, and then our hands drop.

Prim wipes at her eyes and walks over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist without waiting for me to say anything. I drop Gale's hand and hug her back. "She's so strong," I whisper to Prim. "Can you be strong too?"

"I can," she says weakly. "For Katniss." I kiss her forehead and hold her wrist up, slipping a golden bracelet onto it. "What's this?" she asks confused through blurry eyes. I watch Gale move away and hand one to Rory as well.

"It's for you. To show that we support Katniss and Peeta. Do you like it?"

She nods, "It's pretty."

"Can you take one to your mom?" I hand her the bracelet. "Do you think she'd want one?"

"Yes," Prim nods, wiping the tears from her eyes again. "I will." As she walks toward her mother with the bracelet I take a few steps closer to Gale and Rory, catching a bit of their conversation.

"Well I thought you loved Katniss," Rory snaps at him. "And I thought because she left you'd be home more."

"That's selfish of you," Gale says back through gritted teeth. "And I do love Katniss but I love Madge too."

"Well then why don't you marry her?" he adds sarcastically. Gale quiets and shakes his head as his face grows serious.

"Maybe I will, Rory." Rory's head snaps up and all the anger dissipates from his face. Gale shrugs. "I don't know." My feet carry me backwards slowly before they realize I was listening. But I was listening. I heard what he said. Does he really love me that much? Could he ever honestly marry me? We're too young to be talking about marriage, I'm only 17! But would I say no if he asked? No, I wouldn't say no. But I wouldn't say yes either. Or would I?

I couldn't bring myself to say yes. I'm still sick, right? Still dying, a marriage would just be bad. So is a relationship like the one we have but I don't care up to this point. "Madge, dear," Hazelle's voice brings me back to the present. "Are you alright? You're very pale."

"I'm fine," I say quickly, my hand racing toward my forehead. "Seeing them just made me…" I trail off as she nods, filling in the rest for herself. It was a good cover.

"Me too," she says quietly. She shakes her head and presses her own hands to her temples. The glint of her golden bracelet makes me smile. "At least we'll get through it together, right?"

I nod, "Right. Together." With one last glance I peer toward Rory and Gale, catching them smiling. My heart twists in my stomach. We'll get through this.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I like to believe Madge had more of a part in the rebellion than just sneaking Katniss papers. And just so you know, Gale isn't crazy. He's not going to propose to Madge, he understands that they're still practically kids. And like I said, just because I have 2 fics doesn't mean I'm dropping this one! I couldn't leave you all! I just spend more time on this one because I want it to be better for you guys. x_


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: I spoil you people.**

* * *

><p>Golden bracelets sparkle almost everywhere around the district. I personally gave one to Jace who grinned when I did so, chanting something about Team Mockingjay and freedom. I fear he might be in on some of the rebellious plans the miners have come up with. I keep meaning to bring them up whenever I'm with Gale but my mouth always gets preoccupied and my brain fizzles out… Bristel sits with me while we watch the training scores. It's been a long day and she's spent most of it cleaning, although there were those few moments I noticed her sneaking off.<p>

"Bristel," I say suddenly, who looks over at me from her lounging spot on the chair. "Are you still seeing Thom?"

"Yeah," she says slowly. "Why?"

"Do you love him?"

She raises an eyebrow at me and smirks. "I say it back when he says it to me," she says. "So yeah, I'd say so. Why?"

"Just curious." I know she's not lying when she says she loves him. Considering it's Bristel. She doesn't lie about things like that. She's been talking to Grash a lot lately, I don't know why my thoughts are thinking what they were. It wasn't very pleasant, might I add. Besides, he's from the Capitol. She'd never be interested in someone from the Capitol… It's still weird that Grash is here so often. He doesn't look at me and usually ends up screaming matches with my father. Whom I never see anymore.

"Do you love Gale?" she asks after that. My cheeks flare up and she grins. "Does he love you?"

"My dad's upstairs," I force out, the blush imprinting itself on my face.

"Can I just say how happy I am that you two are finally back together? It's probably the sweetest thing that I've ever…"

"Since when is Bristel girly?" I ask aloud, and she snorts. A few moments later Kasen strolls into the parlor and sits at the other end of the couch that I'm on. "Hey, Kasen," I say awkwardly, and Bristel laughs all over again.

"You two should learn to keep your voices down," Kasen says with a grin. "I know more about your social lives than I care to."

"Kasen," I groan, and he and Bristel burst into a fit of laughter.

"I'm just saying that I also agree you and that boy are the 'sweetest thing ever'…" he trails off and I feel my cheeks heating up again. "Your late night adventures are always so…"

"Stop!" I shout, my eyes widening. "Please stop!" Bristel is almost falling out of her chair laughing. "I swear, Kasen…"

"Late night adventures?" Bristel forces out through a fit of giggles.

"Nothing," I burst out.

"I'm just _saying_…" he smirks. "I remember when me and my wife would sneak out…"

"Stop, stop, stop," I throw my head into my hands. "You're usually gone by then…"

"Oh, not always. Sometimes I'll be sitting at the kitchen table and you'll just zip by me without even noticing. Sometimes I stay late and prepare breakfast for the next day so I don't have to come in so early or maybe I'm cleaning dishes that Bristel never finished…"

"I always finish my dishes," Bristel jabs back. I, however, am still in my hands groaning. These two never stop. Just then the TV flashes on, the Capitol emblem shining for us to see. Bristel sighs and straightens herself on her seat. Kasen, too. How we managed to get through all of the scores is beyond me.

I clench my jaw for when Peeta's score comes up, but it drops when the _12 _flashes across the screen. It drops even _lower _when Katniss scores the same. "They're dead," I mutter shaking my head. "What could they possibly have done to get twelves? Something rebellious, I'm sure. Couldn't she have just shot some arrows around?"

"I'm sure it's all part of their plan," Bristel coos calmly, cutting me off. "Trust them."But the serenity in her voice is what startles me the most. Kasen fiddles with the golden bracelet on his wrist when she speaks and then pushes himself off the couch as the program ends.

"What plan?"

She shrugs, "They always have a plan, don't they?" But there's something in her voice that makes me question her cluelessness.

* * *

><p>Gale picks me up from my house before we walk over to the square to watch interviews. My father's already out doing mayor business so he doesn't have to worry about that. Kasen's the one that answers the door considering I'm playing the piano and he gushes when he does.<p>

"So, you're the boy my little Madge keeps sneaking off to see…" I halt my fingers immediately.

"I, uh…" Gale's a loss for words.

"Kasen I told you _not_ to say anything!" I push my way toward the door. Gale's scratching the back of his neck and looking down at his feet. Him being embarrassed is probably the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my life.

"I'm only teasing. Treat her right," he winks, and then pushes us out the door. Kasen was permitted to stay home and tend to my mother. I press myself on my tiptoes and kiss him quickly, hearing him sigh. When I pull away he's smiling, his cheeks flushed.

"You ready for this?" I ask, taking his hand.

"No," he admits. "Maybe with you." I kiss him again and he leans down, following me as I try to pull away so the kiss is longer. "Beautiful," he murmurs against my lips. "Come on," Gale says, pulling me toward the square. His hand doesn't leave mine, not even when we get there and Rory eyes us up. His cheeks turn pink and he walks back over to Prim, leaving us be. "I talked to him," Gale says. "I think he's sorry."

I sigh, thinking back to what Gale said the night of the ceremonies. "You didn't have…"

But he cuts me off, "Yes, Madge, I did." He leans down and kisses me despite the eyes of his mother and Mrs. Everdeen and Prim and Rory. "I love you."

"Stop," I blush, causing him to grin. The screen flicks and we all turn in surprise, there's surely a few more minutes until the interviews start.

"What's going on?" Hazelle asks, but Gale shrugs. She fiddles with her bracelet. I glance around the crowd and nearly everyone I lay eyes on has a bracelet. Some of them smile at me; others glance nervously at the screen.

Thread's voice comes out of the speakers loud as his image appears on screen. "Starting tonight," his earsplitting shriek wails, "a curfew will be enacted upon the district."

"Curfew?" Mrs. Everdeen says aloud, her hand finding Prim's. Gale looks down at me, his eyes widening. Night is the only time we really get to see each other…

"Starting at 10 PM, everyone shall be inside their homes. This is law. There are no acceptations. No crowds will form. No meetings will be held. If anyone is found on the streets they will be imprisoned and held at bail. If groups are found they will be held on trial for conspiracy." The peacekeepers on the stage all snap in uniform and bend, their guns facing us.

"What is this?" Gale mutters, pulling me closer.

"Trial," Thread continues, "in front of the entire district." My insides cringe as I grip closer on Gale's hand. Whippings. Torture. He leans down and presses his lips to my temple quickly for comfort. "Curfew is lifted at 7 AM. No earlier. Peacekeepers will be patrolling the streets until then. I know you'll all be _compliant_."

"Work starts at 6…" Gale says uncomfortably. "What are we supposed to do?" I know he's not looking for an answer so I just nudge closer to him.

A happy Capitol voice finishes for him, "And now on to your regularly scheduled program!" As if we're watching a TV show. Then I laugh to myself. Because we are.

The interviews start with the woman from D1 talking about how she cries for her pity of how the Capitol people must feel. I hear Gale snort behind me. Then her brother who was also reaped talks about how kind everyone was to them. The man from D3 questions the legality of the situation, and I question it too. He's smart. I think I remember his Games on the TV once. When the fabulous (let's be real, he's very nice to look at) Finnick Odair takes the stage he recites a love poem. A _love poem_. That sneaky bastard causes all the Capitol ladies to swoon. I'm almost 100 percent sure he isn't talking about any of them. Johanna Mason asks if anyone can stop this, the Games, met with no response. Because no, no one can stop this. The D11 contestants directly attack the president and my heart drops for them, they've ensured their deaths in the arena.

Finally it reaches Katniss and Gale grabs my hand tighter. I watch as Rory does the same to Prim and I smile slightly at the situation. Katniss struts to the stage. In her wedding dress. Not just any wedding dress but the wedding dress I liked _the most_. I want to feel jealousy but I can't, I just feel a lump forming in my throat. The tears welling up behind my eyes. The crowd explodes at the sight of her and it takes them awhile to calm the crowd down, but finally they do.

"So Katniss, obviously this is a very emotional night for everyone. Is there anything you'd like to say?" Caesar asks gently.

"She looks so beautiful," I hear Mrs. Everdeen croak, gripping to Prim. "Doesn't she Prim?" Prim's so muddled in tears all she can do it nod. The lump in my throat expands. "My beautiful baby…"

"Only that I'm so sorry you won't get to be at my wedding…" Katniss continues. She's playing up the crowd, I can feel it. Gale's stare on the screen is stony. "But I'm glad you at least get to see me in my dress. Isn't it just… the most beautiful thing?" And then she stands up, raising her hands over her head and twirling slowly.

"Just like last year," I hear Gale mutter. But then the crowd at the Capitol screams, and the crowd here back home starts to fidget. She's smoking. Like, her dress is actually smoking. Girl on fire tactic? But no, that's not what it's going for. She just keeps spinning and spinning and spinning. A new dress appears, a dress the color of our district and soft like the birds in the sky. Katniss is a mockingjay.

"Feathers," says Caesar, no hesitation or surprise to his voice. "You're like a bird."

"A mockingjay, I think," she replies. I notice many of the people in our crowd fumble with their bracelets. "It's the bird on the pin I wear as a token." I hear Gale sigh as his body presses closer to mine. Katniss has set in stone that the pin I gave her will be the symbol of the rebellion. Wonderful. They continue to talk about Cinna and my stomach knots. Now he's in trouble, and as he bows I wonder if he knows what he's done. Of course he knows, he's the one that did it. He's helping the rebellion because he disagrees with the Capitol.

Peeta's next, of course. My heart clenches at the sight of him. So serene, so calm. He's a natural when it comes to interviews. The two have the ability to charm the audience with jokes and banter in no time, but there's more than that. They wouldn't let Peeta just get by without his discussion of the Quell.

"I was in shock," Peeta tells Caesar. "I mean, one minute I'm seeing Katniss looking so beautiful in all these wedding gowns, and the next…" he trails off and I blink back tears. He loves her. He loves her to much it makes me want to fall to my knees and weep.

"You realized there was never going to be a wedding?" Caesar asks, his voice as soft as it can go. I think about Gale and what he said about getting married.

There's a pause, and then Peeta asks if Caesar can keep a secret. The tears in my eyes aren't necessarily gone but the threat of crying is. He's going to shock the crowd again. No doubt about it. I'm bracing for it this time. Gale's hand clenches around mine and I look up at him for a moment. He's entranced on the screen.

"We're already married," says Peeta quietly. A few people in our own crowd gasp, Mrs. Everdeen being one of them. Gale remains unchanged, like he was last year before we happened. I wonder how he feels. I'll ask him later. Make him tell me. Peeta continues about how they did this ritual where they burn the bread and makes toasts and what not.

"So this was before the Quell?"

"Of course before the Quell. I'm sure we'd never have done it after we knew," Peeta says sadly. He's pulling on heartstrings. Including mine. I want nothing more than to hug him. "But who could've seen it coming? No one." They continue like this a little longer, Peeta getting angry as Caesar comforts him. Then Peeta admits he isn't happy they 'got married'. Which I'm sure never happened in the first place.

"Surely even a brief time is better than no time?" Caesar is confused by his agitation. So am I. So is everyone. Even Gale has a brief burst of shock on his face.

"Maybe I'd think that too," Peeta growls, "if it weren't for the baby."

Called it. Or well. Not really. My jaw still drops. _Everyone's _jaw drops. Everyone. I mean, I knew he would make his interview memorable. That's what Peeta does. Last year with the confession, this year with the… she's not actually pregnant, is she? The Capitol, once again explodes. Gale's face is morphed into something between confusion and shock. Mrs. Everdeen is pale. Prim is blushing. I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe just looking at everyone. Pregnant! I don't even…

Caesar can't control the crowd again, Peeta nods his goodbyes through teary eyes and makes his way back to the seat by Katniss. By the time he sits he's crying. Almost instantly Katniss grabs his hand, and then a few moments later she grabs the stump of Chaff's arm. After that is something no one has ever seen before. Slowly, not all at once but eventually, all of the tributes link hands. The previous victors. Even the careers. Unity between all the people who will have to start killing each other starting tomorrow. Just as it happens, the screen cuts black. The Capitol emblem flashes for us, but it's too late. We've seen, everyone has seen this act of rebellion.

Thread takes the platform and shouts angry orders into a microphone, ordering us all to clear. As I start heading for my house Gale pulls me back to him. "Come home with me," he murmurs. "Please?" I don't have the ability to deny him this.

* * *

><p>How we beat Hazelle and the kids home I don't know, but I don't mind. The passion Gale's instilling into his kisses is driving me crazy. The way he presses me against the door, the way his tongue explores my mouth, how his hands can't find a place to settle. Every breath he emits gives me shivers, every time our lips smack makes me blush.<p>

We find our way to his bed and he hovers over me, pressing kisses anywhere his mouth can reach. This is how I want it to be. Like this. With my heart skipping beats and goosebumps in my skin. Where I can forget about the Games that will take my two friends within the next week or two. Where I feel safe. Just as his fingers reach to peel off my shirt a knock echoes on his door.

Gale outwardly groans and drops his forehead to mine. "You better get that," I say weakly. He smirks and kisses me before pushing himself off the bed. Hazelle is on the other side and her eyes dart to me quickly before pulling her son into the hallway. Their words are muffled as I push myself up on his bed and straighten my shirt, pulling my fingers through my hair. I hear Gale cuss loudly and then he's back in the room.

"Curfew started five minutes ago," he says quietly.

"Oh," I reply. "I forgot about that."

"Me too," he grumbles. "I wouldn't have made you come with me."

"You didn't _make_ me," I say gently as he strolls closer. "I wanted to be with you." He leans over me as I push myself to my knees. My hands race to him, one behind his neck and the other in his hair as I kiss him teasingly.

"Well then," he says when he pulls away briefly. "You're stuck with me for the night."

I laugh, "Shame, isn't it?" Again his lips are against mine as he leans be back onto his bed. Gale's hand runs down my side as I force him closer. Slowly he climbs into the bed too, nuzzling against my neck. "My dad's going to kill me if I keep doing this," I mutter. "The not coming home at night," I add quickly.

Gale snickers, but then starts pressing kisses down my neck. The tingles reach my toes as he does so. "When's the last time he yelled at you because of it?" I think for a moment but I get distracted as his lips are on mine again, his tongue begging for entrance to my mouth.

"Awhile," I finally muster out. In fact, he barely even speaks to me at all anymore. My father's always in his office or busy. With the new curfew he might be more cautious though, but I doubt it. He's perpetually irritated these days.

"Then there's no problem," his voice is low and sends a shiver down my spine. "I could spend the rest of my life with you," he tells me. "You make me…" he trails off as I nip at his collarbone. His hands dart under my shirt but leave it on, only rolling it up slightly. "Do you love me?" I nod fiercely because I don't trust my voice. "No, Madge, say it."

"Yes," I croak out.

"_Say it,_" he begs.

Through a shaking voice I say, "I love you, Gale." He grins and teases the back of my neck while his mouth makes busy work under my ear. His breathing is ragged as his nose bumps my ear and I squirm.

"You're fidgety," he notes softly. He lifts my wrists and presses kisses to them, trailing up my arm slowly.

"You make me nervous," I tease, but it isn't really teasing because it's true. He pauses in his kisses and looks down at me.

"We can stop if you-"

"No," I cut him off. "I didn't, I didn't mean it like that, I just meant…" he laughs and nips at me quickly. When he pulls away I bite my lip and he's grinning all over again. "Gale?"

"Hm?" he rolls to the side of me and wraps his arms around me, his face resting on my chest.

"Do you think what Peeta said was true?" He looks up from where he's laying and squints.

"Knowing Katniss, probably not. I don't know. He sounded so sincere." I nod and my fingers tangle in his hair. "I kind of wish it was true but at the same time I don't."

"Why?" I ask confusedly.

"I want Katniss to be happy," he mumbles. "Like us. I want her to know this feeling. But I don't want her to be… you know…"

I laugh, "Pregnant?"

"Yeah," he admits uncomfortably. "That." His eyes dart toward my exposed stomach and he swallows slowly. "How do you feel about kids?"

"I'm seventeen," I say quickly, causing him to chuckle.

"I meant _one day_," he stresses, his fingers reaching down to trace circles on my skin.

"With you?" A voice inside me asks _who else could there be?_

"I don't know, with anyone." The way he says it sounds like he disapproves of anyone else, but I don't mention it.

"I've always liked kids," I admit shyly. "I want a big family, I guess. Not an only child." I curse my parents for giving up after me, or not trying before me. I know I was supposed to have a sister, but the fact is that I didn't. Growing up alone makes me needy of other people, always alone.

"Even with the Games?" he asks weakly.

I hesitate for a moment and then nod, "I think so, yeah." He nuzzles closer and my hands continue to rake through his hair. "That's probably bad, isn't it?"

"No," he says softly. "I don't think it is. I mean, I want one too." A big family. Lots of kids running around. My heart beat quickens and I'm almost sure Gale notices as his hand pauses on my stomach, reaching around to the other side and just resting it there. "I don't think the Games will go on forever." His eyes flicker up to the necklace resting on my chest.

"Me neither," I admit. "Maybe after we're gone…"

"No," he shakes his head, sitting up a bit. "I mean soon, they'll be ending soon. For good."

"At least one of us is sure," I say quietly, leaning over to kiss him. "I wish I could be like you. So sure of everything."

"I'm not sure of anything," he admits with a laugh. "I just think I am." There's a pause and he nuzzles closer to me. "I think kids are nice. Lots of fun. Little balls of energy…" he trails off as a thought strikes me.

"No, maybe not. Maybe I don't want kids," I say quickly. How had I been so stupid to not remember? "No kids."

"Why not?" he asks confusedly, pulling away to look at me.

"I'm sick," I say quietly, the thought hitting me like a brick. "No kids." Gale pushes himself up and glances toward me sadly.

"You shouldn't let that stop you."

"I'm not giving anyone else whatever I have," I blink back tears. "It's not fair. It dies with me."

"I don't particularly like you talking about dying," he tells me, leaning in and pressing his lips to my jaw. "Don't do it."

I groan and push him away lightly, rolling on my side away from him. "It's stupid to ignore it," I mutter. "It's going to happen."

"Everyone dies,"

"Not while they're young and healthy," I snap. His hand travels around my hips and tugs me closer, his body molding around mine. Knees behind kneecaps, my back against his chest. "This is stupid," I mumble.

"What's stupid, Madge?" he whispers. His chin is on my shoulder, his voice tingling in my ear.

"This," old thoughts haunt me again. "Dating. Us."

"Don't say that," his voice lulls me. "You don't believe it, you're just scared."

"Dating leads to two things," I say quietly. "Marriage or breaking up. Which path are you on?"

"Marriage," he mutters simple. "One day." I roll to face him and my nose bumps his. "What about you?"

"I…" I trail off as he licks his lips. "You said you wanted a big family."

"So did you," he notes.

"But then I remembered and I…"

"Suddenly don't want a big family? You're just _scared_," he says again. "You still want a big family," his eyes search mine, "you're just scared to have one."

"I have every right to be," I force out.

Gale kisses me quickly, "Not with me here, you don't." My heart twists and I blush. "You never answered my question. What path are you on?"

I smile, "Whatever path you drag me down." He laughs and scoots closer, kissing my cheek gently.

* * *

><p>I wake up to the door slamming shut and Gale marching back in the room. His face morphs into an apology. "Sorry," he says quickly. "Didn't mean to wake you."<p>

"It's okay," I yawn and stretch. Gale kicks off his boots and slides back into bed, his fingers skirting across the hem of the shirt he let me wear to sleep. "No work?"

"You either show up on time or don't work," he pulls me close to him. Anger echoes in his voice. "But we can't show up on time because of that damn curfew." I stroke his hair and he sighs. "I'll walk you home when you'd like."

"I wouldn't _like_," I tell him gently. "I'd _like_ to stay here."

"I'd _like_ you to stay here too," he smirks. "But you can't. So whenever you're ready."

"Will you watch the Games with me?" I ask timidly. He kisses my nose and nods. "At my house?"

"Will your father be home?"

"No, I don't think so. Bristel might be, though."

He laughs, "Sure, I'll watch with you." I pause and he raises an eyebrow at me. "What's wrong?"

"Will you meet my mom?" His eyes widen and he nods. "I think she'll like you. She's nicer than my dad."

Again, Gale laughs. "Good to know," he mumbles into my hair.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Kasen/Gale interaction next chapter, as well as Gale/Mrs. Undersee. More with Madge's sickness coming up, as well as Grash. And the bracelets. The crackdown on 12 will be taking place too, peacekeepers going bonkers. Don't forget about Jace, he'll be mentioned a few more times maybe. The legit AU part is coming up soon, twists and turns. Maybe something Unexpected.. I dunno... haha. Any questions? Hope you like it. _


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: Lots of dialogue this chapter ~**

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><p>Gale thrusts me behind him as we approach the square, massive flames leap in the air. This is the only way home and it's being blocked by a crowd and a fire.<p>

"Gale, what's going on?" I try peering over his shoulder but he keeps pushing me back. Quickly he turns to me, grabbing my necklace and thrusting it under my shirt. "Gale?" He looks toward the screen and snaps the bracelet from his wrist, reaching for mine too. "Talk to me," I poke him.

"Game's have already started," he mutters. My eyes dart toward where Finnick and Katniss stand across from each other, her arrow pointed to kill, just as his trident is. On his wrist dangles a sparkling golden bracelet. Like the ones we all have. "Give me your bracelet."

"But,"

"No buts," his voice is filled with panic. "Give me, and keep your necklace under your shirt." I pry the plastic from around me and hand it to him. We pass by the fire and in it crackle the sparkling accessories I'd only handed out days ago. "Keep walking," he mutters to me, tossing our two in the flames and charging by. He made sure to do it when no peacekeepers were watching.

As we continue walking I hear shouts from the square. "…found wearing one… shot…" I tighten my clench on his arm. "… starting tomorrow… death…"

"What's going on?" I squeak as we reach my house. "Why are they so…"

"Because they know what it means, Madge," he says quietly. "And it's not just district support." It means rebellion. It means allies with Katniss. It means an uprising. "It was a good idea but we should have figured it wouldn't work."

I push open my door and Grash pushes past me. I raise my eyebrows and Gale pulls me backwards, letting the man with frantic hair pass. A golden bracelet dons his wrist. Him and Gale have a stare off before he scurries all the way down the steps and out past us, headed for the square.

"Do you know him?" I ask confused, but Gale shakes his head. Inside we find Bristel sitting on the couch watching the Games. "Bristel?"

"Hey," she turns around with a smile. It broadens when she sees Gale. "Well, look who it is…"

"Why was Grash here?" I cut her off. Her smile fades as she looks back toward me. "Were you talking to him?"

"Why would I be…?"

"My father isn't home," I snap at her. "Were you talking to him?" I repeat. I'm giving her this chance. And she doesn't take it.

"No," she shakes her head. "Of course I wasn't,"

"You're lying,"

"Madge," Gale's voice is soft, "Bristel wouldn't…"

"What is everyone hiding from me?" I yell, my eyes darting between the both of them. Bristel swallows slowly and looks from me to Gale as well. I ball my hands into fists as Gale rests his hand on my shoulder. "Don't," I bite out, pushing him off. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Bristel throws her hands up and stands from the couch. "What would be going on?"

"He had on one of those bracelets," I point toward the door angrily. "Why?"

"I don't _know_," she stresses.

"Madge," Gale tugs my chin toward him. "If something was going on we would tell you." His eyes lock with mine, soft, gentle. "Okay? I wouldn't lie to you about that. I swear."

"Okay," I mumble as he leans down to kiss me. "Sorry." He smiles lightly and looks up toward Bristel.

"It's alright," she says. "We're all a little…"

"Yeah," Gale finishes for her. "We know." Moments later Kasen strolls into the living room, a tray filled with cups of tea.

"Well now that that's over," he smirks, offering us the tray. "Anyone thirsty?"

* * *

><p>Bristel, despite me reassuring her that I wasn't upset with her (which was a lie, I was <em>pissed<em>), ended up leaving anyway. Kasen, Gale, and I sat in the living room watching the Games. Most of it was the bloodbath although they'd flash to Katniss and her allies. An arena made of water. Great one, Gamemakers. Great one.

"If you two are sitting like that when the boss gets home I'd get ready for a scolding," Kasen says under his breath. I'm lounging across Gale who's got his arm draped across my shoulder, his lips near my ear. "Just saying."

"Thanks for the words of advice," I roll my eyes. Gale snickers and kisses my temple.

"Hey be nice," he teases.

"Yeah, listen to your boyfriend," Kasen laughs. "Be nice to the chef."

"Don't take his side," I elbow Gale who wraps his arms tighter around me.

"She's awful, isn't she?" Gale grins toward Kasen. "Spoiled brat."

"Am not," I mutter, trying to suppress my grin. All joking is in good spirits right now.

"I make her favorites all the time and she doesn't even say thank you!" Kasen pretends to be hurt.

"I always say thank you!" I laugh. "Stop being mean!"

"I'm teasing," Gale nuzzles into my neck. Out of the corner of my eye I see Kasen smirk. "I'm sure Kasen is too."

"Partially," he says halfheartedly, scanning his fingernails as if he just got them painted. "I have to agree with Bristel, you two are precious." Gale kisses my neck quickly and I feel the blush on my face. I'm not a fan of public displays of affection, but then again we're in my house. How public can this be? Kasen obviously doesn't mind and Gale doesn't mind but still I'm blushing. He's so sure of everything it makes my skin tingle.

"Hey Kasen, is my mom awake?"

"Mmm," he thinks for a minute. "Yeah, I think so." His eyes light up as I stand and pull Gale with me. As we start toward the stairs he calls, "Behave!"

"Always," Gale shoots back with a grin, his hand intertwining with mine. I pull him up the stairs and we stop outside my mom's room. "Are you sure you want me to meet her?" he asks. "You're so against me talking to your dad I…"

"Just wait here," I say, stepping on my tiptoes to kiss him. "I'll come get you alright?"

"Sure," he smiles. I take a deep breath and straighten my shirt, lightly pushing the door to her room open. She sits up on her bed glancing out the window with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Hi Mommy," I say, pulling the door shut behind me. I hear Gale shift on his feet, probably to lean against the doorframe while he's waiting.

"Thought I heard you," she says gently with a smile. "Someone else too,"

"Have you taken morphling?" I ask quickly ignoring her comment while a blush creeps onto my face.

She shakes her head, "No, I just woke up." She straightens herself out and a small grin crosses her face, "Why?"

"There's someone I want you to meet," I say nervously. "If you're up for it, you know."

"Madge, dear, I've been stuck in the bed for far too long. I've been waiting to meet him since you first told me about him, silly." The pink on my cheeks refuses to disband and I stride back to the door. I open it and Gale peeks in, a smile crossing his face. "Well, get in here already," my mother calls, shifting in her spot. Gale laughs, coming in.

"Hi Mrs. Undersee," he walks over and extends his hand. "I'm Gale."

"Gale," she repeats, shaking his hand gently. "Nice to finally meet you."

"And you," he replies, sitting in the seat nearest her. I walk over slowly and take the seat on the other side of her bed. He looks so happy to see her, and her to see him. I'm too nervous to say anything.

"You're right Madge," my mother says, turning to me. "He does have pretty eyes."

"Mom," I groan. Just when the pink fades from my cheeks she has to say something like _that_.

"Thank you," he smiles. "I can see where Madge got her blue eyes," he catches my gaze and winks, causing me to blush all over again.

"Charmer," my mom notes. "So, Gale, do you work in the mine's?"

"Yes ma'am, every day."

"Not today," she points out.

"There were complications," I tell her. "No one worked." Both turn to me and raise their eyebrows. "Sorry, I'm nervous."

"Why?" she smiles at me. "We're just having a conversation."

"Yeah, Madge," Gale teases.

"Besides, if anyone should be nervous it should be _me_." Now it's my turn to raise my eyebrows as she lets out a slight chuckle. "My beautiful daughter's growing up! Look at this dashing young man," she gestures toward Gale. "He's stolen her heart from me!"

"Never," I reply with a gasp, although a smile's on both her face and mine.

"You're growing up so fast," she looks toward me. "I remember when you were scared to ask to stay at your friends house when you were younger." I laugh, because I used to have friends. "Now you just stay the night out without even asking…"

"Mom!" I gasp again, but for real this time. Gale rubs his neck awkwardly.

"Oh, I'm not saying I _mind_," she grins. "I'm just saying your father would if he found out."

"My fault," Gale says weakly.

"I don't want to know," she raises her hands up. "Your business dear, just stay safe…"

"Got it," I say quickly, the blush _once again _making an appearance. Even Gale's ears turn pink.

"With all due respect, ma'am," Gale says, "we haven't…"

"Gale," I groan, throwing my head back.

My mother laughs and raises her hand to her mouth to try to stop it. "You two," she shakes her head. "Well believe me, it's much reassurance to learn you've been gentlemanly," she looks toward Gale who smiles weakly.

"Nothing but," I chime in.

"Alright, suck up," my mother says under her breath, causing Gale to snicker.

"I swear you and Kasen are plotting my demise," I say, crossing my arms.

"Well, dear, he and I are practically siblings considering all the time we spend together." She pauses and looks back toward me. "Madge, honey, could you wait in the hallway, please?"

"What? But I…"

"Madge," she looks toward me, widening her eyes. I glance at Gale who shrugs and I push myself from my seat. "Thank you dear. I just want a word with the boy alone, is all."

"Alright," I say nervously, making my way out of the room. "Be nice," I point at her, and she laughs. "Love you…"

"You too dear," she smiles. Once outside the door I press my ear up to it begging to hear their conversation. I hear soft spoken words, a few laughs, some more words. I bounce on my toes and shift around the door trying to get better spots. Just as I move to another it creaks open and I fall onto Gale, who's smiling, and pushes me out before my mother sees me, pulling the door shut behind him. He leans against me and back me up against the wall opposite her door.

"I love you," he whispers, kissing me softly.

"Gale," I giggle, and he kisses me again.

"I'm literally so in love with you I don't know what to do with myself." His hand wraps around my waist, the other leaning above my head.

"You're a secret romantic," I breathe against his lips.

"Only for you," he grins, forcing his lips against mine. I tug him closer as his lips divert to my neck.

"You heard Kasen," I nudge him away lightly with a smirk. "Be_have_."

"Sure," he licks his lips. "For now." I grab his wrist and tug him down the hall. "Where're we going?" he grins mischievously. I push open my door and shove him inside, closing the door behind me. "Wow."

"What?" I turn. My room's clean. My bed's made. "What's wrong?"

"So much… pink…" he smirks. I look around and for the first time, I realize he's not lying. "Your room is the size of my _house_," he peers into every corner studying everything I have placed. The silk curtains, the four pillows I have fluffed, the dolls I have on shelves.

"Oh come on, it's not that big," I say nervously. It really isn't, either. He's over exaggerating to no end. He sees my panic and walks behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. "Do you really not care?" I ask quietly. "That we're so different?"

"_We're_ not so different," he mumbles into my ear. "Where we're _from_ is."

"And it doesn't matter to you?"

"Not if it doesn't matter to you." I sigh as he pulls me onto the bed. We lay back and he scoots so our faces are inches apart.

"How do you always know what to say?" I ask as his fingers twirl through my hair. He leans forward and snatches a quick kiss. "And then you do that and…"

"And…" he trails off with a grin.

"And," I continue with a blush, "you make me all…"

"All…" still, he's grinning.

"All tingly. I don't know." He licks his lips and delivers another kiss. "Are you always like this with girls you date?" He raises an eyebrow and leans back a bit. "You don't talk about your past relationships."

"Neither do you," he notes.

"Because I don't have any," I say nervously. "I mean a date or two but that's basically it."

He pauses for a moment, "Was I your first kiss?"

"No," I shake my head. "Second."

"Who was your first?" he questions, his eyes filled with curiosity.

"Will you tell me yours?"

He laughs, "Yes, Madge, I'll tell you my first kiss."

"Peeta."

"What?" his jaw drops.

"Peeta! In the fifth grade!" His eyes are dancing with mirth and I blush. "I was dared! I just wanted to sit with everyone else at lunch!"

"Are you _joking_?" he laughs. "Mellark!"

"Yes," I groan.

"And other than that you hadn't had any kisses until me?" I shake my head. "So really, I was your first kiss. Elementary school dares don't exactly count."

"Fine, then yes you were my first kiss, okay?" He scoots closer to me, his lips against mine.

"You'd never know," he breathes. "You're a good kisser."

"Flirt," I nudge him away as he grins. "It's so embarrassing."

"I think it's cute…" his lips taunt mine for a few minutes. Gale's hand runs through my hair as he lifts himself over me.

"First kiss," I say quickly. "Yours, go."

With a groan he rolls back to the side of me. "Ileana Fresh," he mutters. My eyebrows shoot to my forehead as I sit straight up.

"Are you _serious_?"

"It was in the eighth grade," he adds immediately. "It didn't mean anything…"

"Mean anything? She's… she's…!" She's _gorgeous_! Not only is she from the town with this stupid luscious curly brown hair but her family owns the _candy shop_. Seriously.

"She's not _you_," he says. "So it doesn't matter. I was in the eighth grade, Madge!" Her eyes are green like Jace's. I know that because I've always wanted green eyes and _she_ has them. "You can't seriously be upset about this," he sits up after me.

"But," I sigh, rubbing my temple. "Ugh."

"Hey," he smiles, his hand trailing to my waist. "If it means anything you're a much better kisser…"

"Not helping!" I laugh, shoving him away. He grins and attacks me with his lips, kissing me all over. My nose, my ears, my cheeks, my forehead, finally my lips… "No one else," I jab a finger at him. "You're mine."

"Yes, ma'am," he mumbles. "Did you kiss Jace?"

"I…"

"Is that a yes?"

"He kissed _me_," I stress. "And it was once. And I didn't like it."

"Why not?" he says, his voice low.

"Because I compared it to your kisses and it didn't compare in the least," I tell him honestly. "You're warm and smell like smoke and make me feel safe and…" he cuts me off with another kiss. "I love you," I whimper. "So much." I reach behind my neck and unhinge the golden chain.

Gale sits up, "What are you doing?" I re-clasp it and grab his hand, watching the necklace pool in it and then closing it.

"Take it," I whisper.

"Madge,"

"I can't wear it, they'll take it from me." He kisses my nose. "Do something with it, keep it safe, okay?"

"You'll get it back," he tells me. "Soon, alright?"

"Sure, Gale," I smile, my hand reaching up to cup his face. "You're braver than me."

He laughs, "I respectfully disagree." His fingers find their way back to my hair as he spins away at my golden locks. "I should probably go before you dad gets home. Unless you want me to wait…"

"No," I sit up quickly. "You should probably go. I'm sure you mom wants you there anyway." He sits up after me and I pull him off the bed and out of my room.

"When?" he asks, lightly nudging me against the door frame. "Madge, I have to talk to him."

"I…" my eyebrows knit. "I'll talk to him tonight. Okay?" He grins, leaning his forehead against mine. "What if he doesn't like you?" I say quietly. "What if he makes us stop seeing each other…"

"There's no way anyone's going to stop me from seeing you," he mumbles. "Ever. Besides, your mom loved me…" a smile is permanently pinned on his face.

"I told you two to behave," Kasen's voice carries down from the end of the hall. "Your father will be home soon, Madge…"

"You have to go," I nudge him toward the stairs, pulling him down gently behind me. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"You bet you will," he presses another kiss to my lips. "I love you."

"Get out!" I laugh, shoving him toward the door. Another kiss. "I love you too, now go!" Gale grins and is out the door, happily trotting back toward his house. I sigh and shut the door behind me, leaning against it and throwing my head back.

"He wants to meet your dad?" Kasen asks as he makes his way down the stairs. "Brave kid."

"That's what I said," I mutter, glancing up at him. "Eavesdropping much?"

"Very much," he nods. "Only then, though."

"Why were you even in the hall?" I groan, using my hands to push myself away from the door and towards the living room.

"Giving your mother morphling, thank you very much," he says. "She's very fond of him."

"Good," I blush, sitting on the couch and pulling my legs up under me. "Are you?"

"Oh yes," Kasen nods, sitting in the chair Bristel usually sits in. "He's good for you. Not so… reserved. He's fun."

"You only think that because you two had a good time being mean to me," I realize with a laugh.

"Not entirely true!" Kasen chuckles too. "I just think you two are good together. You balance each other out. You should've seen it, you two all cuddled on the couch…"

"Kasen," I roll my eyes. "You're a grown man."

"I was young once," he laughs. "I had a love like that. Still do. You will too," he says slowly. "I know it."

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><p><em>AN: Grash is secretly a very important character... heh. Also, parts of the conversation between Mrs. Undersee and Gale will be revealed at a later chapter. Lots going on underneath, maybe you've picked up on a few things. Anyway, don't forget to check out my other stories if you haven't already! Your reviews always make my day c:_


	42. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: I hit 1000 reviews and nearly cried because you're all perfect. I thank each and every one of you that reviewed my story. I don't know how it ever happened, how it became so popular, but thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. **

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><p>"Daddy?" I knock on his office door lightly. He doesn't answer so I push it open the rest of the way. "Hi Daddy."<p>

"Madge," he nods. He looks ten years older than the last time I saw him. Gray creeps from his roots and wrinkles line his face. "Can I help you?"

"Oh, um," I fidget and walk farther into the room. Blinking monitors line the walls, people all over our own District. The image changes from person to person to person, but he coughs and I look back toward him. Why are there videos of our District? "I was wondering if you were busy today."

"For what?" he sighs, rubbing his temples.

"Um, I have someone that wants to talk to you," I straighten my posture and force a smile.

"I'm very busy," he mutters, looking back down at the papers. "Maybe you should watch the Games, dear," he says. "They're very interesting this year."

"Interesting?" I repeat angrily. "Father, they're atrocious." He raises an eyebrow at me and I unclench the fists I made, forcing a smile back onto my face. "Maybe later, after seeing Mags convulse to death from a poisonous gas I'm not very in the mood to watch right now." Not only that but I had witnessed Peeta nearly die from the force field as well as the monkey attack that took the other morphling addict.

"Later, then," he says. "I'm very busy." He glances back at me and studies me for a moment. "Where's your necklace? I'd like it." I swallow and cross my arms behind my back.

"I've hidden it."

"Margret Undersee I would like it back," he booms. I keep my eyes locked with him and smile more broadly. "It's a symbol of rebellion."

"What rebellion?" There's a pause as his eyes harden. "You're saying Katniss is a symbol of the rebellion, Daddy." He locks his jaw. "I've hidden it." Hopefully Gale has firm knowledge of where it is because I'd like it back one day. "I knew you would take it from me, or someone would."

"I don't want someone seeing you with it and then shooting you is all, dear." The way he says it so calmly makes my skin flesh in goosebumps, yet I maintain my posture and hold his eyes. "Madge, I've said that I'm busy."

"I just want you to talk to someone," I say. "Please, Daddy? For me? You never do anything for me anymore." Then I frown and drop my gaze. "I just want you to meet him."

"Him?" Again, he raises an eyebrow. "It better not be…"

"It's Gale," I tell him. "Gale Hawthorne."

"Madge," his voice is angry. "He's bad news. Very bad news and I don't want you around him. I've told you this…"

"I know, I know," I cut him off. "Daddy, please? Just talk to him. Please?" I can't tell him that I love him. I can't tell how much time I spend with Gale, how he's the only person I ever want to be with anymore. I can't. I just have to get him to talk to him. Maybe Gale will change his mind.

"Fine," he sighs. He's tired, I can see it on his face. The bags under his eyes, the way he rubs his temples. "Fine, I'll talk to him. Once. And once only."

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><p>The door shuts after Gale walks in and Kasen ushers me over to the kitchen where the voices carry down the best. He shoves me toward the vent in which they'll travel and leans over himself. I don't think I've ever been more nervous in my life. I can only catch bits of the conversation; I know that no matter what Gale won't tell me what they talk about.<p>

"…in love with your daughter," I hear Gale say. Kasen places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes lightly. "I'll do anything to protect her sir, I just want that chance…"

"…if anything you're putting her in more trouble," my father shoots back. "Don't act like you don't understand what's happening around here…"

"And I can keep her safe," Gale says again. "I'll do anything to do that…"

"And when you fail?"

"I won't. I wouldn't let anything happen to her. Anything."

Kasen looks toward me and furrows his brows. "Maybe we shouldn't be listening," he says quietly, but I shush him. "No, Madge… there's more than just…"

"I said shush!" I snap at him. His face goes pale and he leans back toward the vent.

"…protection from the Capitol and you're ruining it…" I hear my father say quietly. "…her illness, if we comply they keep my family safe…"

"…your family? What about my family? What about all the families in District 12?" Gale shoots back. "Sir, you don't…"

"…anything to keep her safe." my father mutters. "You obviously don't understand what that means…"

"I _know_ what's going to happen!" Gale shouts. "And so do you!"

"And when it does Madge will be here, safe, and then we'll go to the Capitol where…"

"…torture her? What if they're lying to get you to comply?" I don't understand what they're talking about and I look back at Kasen who's still pale, his hands shaking as he rests them on the vent.

"…you don't know what you're talking about! Stay away from my daughter."

"Sir, you don't understand…"

"You're just going to get her killed!"

"I'm trying to make sure that _doesn't happen_," Gale stresses. "I'm making _plans_ while you sit here and…"

"Out!" My father's voice booms. "_Never again_ will you see my daughter. _Ever_." Kasen's hand clamps on my shoulder and pulls me away from the vent before I process what's happening. I hear a door slam, feet pounding down the stairs, my front door opening…

"Gale!" I cry, rushing after him. Kasen tries to stop me but I'm too quick for him. "Gale, wait!" He pauses in his step, turning to look at me with a stony gaze. His hard exterior breaks when he sees me and his face crumples in defeat. I run toward him and pull his face down. "You can't leave me," I say. Only now do I realize I'm crying as he wipes under my eyes. "You're _mine_, remember?" I croak, my voice edging on hysteria.

"I'm not going anywhere," he tells me, leaning down and resting his forehead on mine. "I'm going to keep you safe, alright? I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. I swear. I swear, Madge." He presses his lips against me fiercely, wrapping his arm around my waist. "I love you," he forces out. "Madge, I love you and your dad saying I can't isn't going to stop me."

"Good," I say back, my chin quivering. "Me either." He smiles sadly and wipes at my cheek again. His gaze is diverted to Kasen who is glancing back up the stairs.

"You should go," Kasen tells Gale. "Before he comes down." A sob escapes me as Gale kisses me again.

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere," he says. "I'll see you tomorrow. I swear, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Gale," Kasen says. "You've got to go." Gale kisses me again and pries my hands off of him.

"But," the words in my throat won't come out. Kasen walks down the stairs and extracts me from Gale. "You can't…" I reach for him as he steps away slowly. Gale looks toward Kasen who's dragging me back inside and nods once.

"If it means anything," Kasen adds quietly. "I trust you. I know you'll keep her safe."

Gale smiles momentarily then looks back at the ground. "It does, thank you." And then he's gone.

"No!" I scream, clawing after him. "You can't, you can't…!" Can't what? And who? I don't even know. Kasen carries me back inside and I collapse on the couch, weeping into my arms. "Why?" I ask. But no one answers me. My father stays in his office, he doesn't even brave me. Kasen rests a blanket on my back and makes me a cup of tea.

* * *

><p>"Eat something," my father demands.<p>

"No," I say.

"Play the piano," he suggests.

Again, I say, "No."

"Margret," he balls his hands into fists and paces in front of me. "I know you aren't happy with what I ordered…"

"I love him," I cut my father off. "I _love_ him."

"You're barely 17; you don't know what love is."

"You don't either," I spit out. "Because if you loved _me_ you would let me be with him."

"I'm keeping you safe," my father hisses.

"You're ruining my life."

"You'll understand one day," he tells me, making his way back to his office. Kasen sits on the couch next to me and makes a face toward the stairs, causing me to smile momentarily.

"Why doesn't he like him?" I ask quietly, pulling on my hair. Kasen rests his hand over my shoulder and sighs. "I don't understand. It's more than him being from the Seam, I heard what they were talking about." Kasen starts petting my head as if I'm a child and I lean into him. He's being more fatherly than my own father's been since I was a toddler.

"I don't know, Madge," he says. "If I did I'd tell you."

"I think you're lying," I mumble. Still, Kasen stays put, stroking my hair gently. "But that's okay. You're trying to keep me safe too, aren't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he says gently with a smile.

"I'm not a little girl," I tell him. "I'm not weak."

"I know you're not," Kasen replies. "You're one of the strongest people I know. Yet you're vulnerable. That isn't your fault," he reaches for the television remote and clicks the TV on, despite me not wanting to watch the Games.

Thankfully, the Games aren't what flood my screen. An alert is. About a collapse. In the mines.

"Kasen," I choke out, my eyes widening as his hand stops petting me. "Is that…"

"_At 4:00 this afternoon the south section of the mines in District 12, collapsed._" The voice on the television drones on as I force myself to swallow. _"Many of the miners in that area have not been accounted for. The list, as of right now, has yet to reach 100. At the rate they're pulling out bodies, however…_"

"Kasen," I repeat, my chin quivering. "Do you know what section of the mines Gale works in?"

"No," he shakes his head. "Do you?"

"No," I reply. "I have to go."

"Madge," he grabs my hand and tries to stop me. "Gale's strong, he's not going to…"

"I'm _going_," I hiss at him, snatching my hand from his grip. "Cover for me." He shakes his head and follows after me. "Kasen, I…"

"No, Madge," he says, sliding into his own sneakers. "I'm coming too."

* * *

><p>The mines have never been more crowded. Kasen helps me elbow my way through the crowd as I whimper just at the images. I shouldn't've come, I'm not good with blood. The stench is the first thing that hits me, even before the noise. That's second. The screaming, the sirens, the orders being shouted. I clench my stomach and stumble back, burning flesh and coal mingle in the air as Kasen grabs me.<p>

"Over there," Kasen points toward a small group. "Look, go, it's Hazelle." How he knows Hazelle I'm not sure but I make my way through the crowd to them. Hazelle's first, hugging me tightly.

"Have you seen him?" I croak, but she shakes her head.

"No, no," she just holds me tighter. "We haven't heard anything. That's his section," she whimpers, clinging tighter. It's strange being in Hazelle's arms but when she tells me that was where Gale was supposed to be I grip back just as tight as she. Rory's next, literally pulling me from his mother's arms so he can hug me.

"I didn't mean it, Madge," he says through teary eyes. He's gotten so tall, that's all I can think about as the panic behind me continues. Rory's gotten so tall and lanky. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Shhh," I stroke his hair. "Gale's okay, I can feel it." But I'm lying, I can't feel anything. Posy grips one of my leg and Vick grips the other.

"You really do love him," Rory mumbles, and I nod.

"Look!" Hazelle shouts, forcing the children from me as I snap around. The first thing I notice is Kasen charging into the center gripping a shovel and pulling on a helmet. The next is Gale, stumbling out of an open shaft on his own two feet, coughing his lungs up. An older man who works with him offers his arm and Gale nearly collapses on it. I can't hear him but he mouths something like _water_ and moments later a bucket is brought to him.

I take a step back as Gale staggers toward his family, wiping his forehead on his sleeve. I want to run to him, I want to hold him and kiss him, but this is time for his family. I wipe the tears from my own eyes as I watch Thom, a few people behind Gale, make his way out, stretching.

"Can't knock us down!" Thom yells. "They can't knock us down!" The rest of the miners chorus a round of cheers and Thom pauses to cough. While this is happening Gale's holding his family in his arms whispering soothing words to all of them, mostly his mother and Rory. Posy's still too young to fully understand and Vick is just scared, nodding as Gale continues his speech.

Finally his eyes find mine and a light glistens in them. "Go to her," I hear Hazelle whisper to him. "We're alright if you're alright."

He drops his arms and rushes to me, enveloping me in his soot and warmth, his face instantly in my neck. "He was right," he forces out. "Your dad was right."

"No," I shake my head. "No you can't say that don't _say that,_" I beg. "You're alive," I cup his face frantically. "You're alive, Gale!"

"Others _aren't_," he tells me quietly. "And I'm not supposed to be. I wasn't in my section, I was two over. By accident. My accident. I left my coat down there when I took a break and went back to get it. Five minutes later I'd be…" he trails off and his eyes go foggy. "Madge," he pulls me into him again. "I've never been more terrified in my life," he mumbles into my neck. "I saw my life flash before my _eyes_."

"Gale," he leans away from me and kisses me deeply. A smile cracks on his face.

"You're covered in soot," he says gently, changing the subject completely. I'm too jumpy to notice.

"So are you," I wipe at his cheek and his smile broadens. Again he kisses me, his lips soft against mine. "I don't want you working anymore," I say quietly as he pulls away. Gale sighs and pushes my hair out of my face lightly.

"I have to,"

"They'll just do it again," I whimper. "Gale,"

"Madge," he kisses me again. "Okay, I won't."

"You won't?" he shakes his head, his lips finding mine once more.

"No," he pauses, "I – I don't know," his forehead rests against mine. In the commotion he is all I see, he's all I hear. "You've got to get home."

"No I want to be with you," I grab his face. "Gale,"

"I need you at your house," he says quietly. "You're safe there for now. Okay? Don't worry about me, worry about you."

Kasen, appearing out of nowhere, grabs my shoulder and pulls me away lightly. "We have to go, Madge," he says sadly.

"I love you," Gale calls before turning back to his family. I know I have to leave him for now.

* * *

><p>When we get home my father is furious at me, but also Kasen. I sit on the couch raking coal out from under my fingernails as Kasen sits next to me, my father shouting at the both of us.<p>

"I knew I had to worry about you," he points a finger at me, "but _you_?" he looks toward Kasen. "You're a grown man! You know the rules! What's going to happen!"

"Sir, with all due respect I followed Madge," he says nervously as if he's asking me for permission to lie. I nod slightly and he continues. "I wanted to make sure she was alright. When we got there it was a mess, I helped shovel out the door until I found Madge."

"It's true," I lie. "He tried to get me to stop but I ran." Kasen and I are a team. I don't let him fall. I won't.

"You're covered in _soot_," my father scoffs. "What happened to the daughter I used to know?"

I laugh, "Used to know? You never knew me."

"Madge," my father clenches his teeth.

"You never cared," I continue.

"Madge," he says again.

"You don't! You act like I'm nothing more than a mayor's daughter! Not even your daughter, just _a_ mayor's. The last caring thing you did for me was give me that necklace!" I shout, stomping my foot, but it shoots a strange pain through me and I don't do it again. I jab my finger out toward him, "And then you wanted to take it away!" but that also shoots a strange pain through me. I drop my arm and blink, my vision starting to swim. "You don't even have dinner with me anymore," I say weakly, rubbing my eyes. "You don't care about my feelings…"

"Madge are you alright?" Kasen asks, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him. "You're awfully pale…" he looks toward my father with wide eyes.

"I'm fine," I try shoving him away but it doesn't work. "And then…" I go to continue, but a burst of pain shoots through my skull. "My head…" I trail off. Kasen rushes off the couch toward the stairs, my father jumping forward to hold me up. "Daddy my head hurts…"

"No, no, no," he says under his breath. "Madge, stay awake honey. Stay awake for me, we're going to use morphling."

"Daddy it really hurts," I cry, trying to grab his hand. He's swimming before me in a blur of vision, his voice a thousand years away. "Make it stop, Daddy make it stop…"

"Got it, sir," Kasen calls. His voice echoes through my head bouncing off each wall and sending excruciating pain.

"Can't see," I mumble. "Daddy,"

"I'm here," his voice does the same. Something pricks my arm. "I'm here," he repeats. Then it all goes black.

I was told that morphling makes the pain go away. That it takes you to this place that isn't normal, it's easy. Everything is easy and soft. The first time I had morphling was after Cassius and it didn't work. The pain stopped but the nightmares continued. I thought it was emotional stress. I told no one. It happens again however, now, with the venom that pumps through my veins.

I cannot move. I cannot see. I cannot hear the voices outside of my own head. I'm not taken to a land of happiness, a land of ease. My head doesn't ache, my body doesn't ache, but the visions… oh they ache. My family being tortured, Gale, Rory, Vick, Posy… Prim, Katniss, Peeta, everyone I've ever loved flashing before my eyes and being ripped to pieces, set on fire, drown, tortured. The pain was supposed to stop, but it doesn't. Not the emotional pain. Darius. Jace. Thom. Bristel. Kasen. The list drags on through every person I've ever encountered. Is this supposed to happen?

I'm drowning in my nightmares. I cannot move. I cannot see. All that's left for me is the nightmares. The rest of my life will be spent with excruciating pain, drowning in nightmares. It never ends. I'm paralyzed.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I was going to wait until tomorrow to post but we're getting into the AU and I was too excited and I love gadge and I love you guys and I just yeah. Trouble in the District eh? Things Madge's father and Gale talked about will further be explained, as will the morphling situation. Stay tuned. Once again, I love you all. Thank you for my reviews. _


	43. Chapter 43

**Disclaimer: M rated themes.**

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><p>I wake up with a dry throat. How many days have I been out? My head is throbbing from nightmares and I have to blink the haze out of my eyes for what feels like forever. I'm in my room, the pink starting to suffocate me. The house is quiet. The clock on my wall says it's almost six. The window tells me that it's night, not morning.<p>

I hoist my feet over the side of my bed, they feel like jelly and I have to pause before I can take a step. I want water. I need something to drink. I stumble to the door and down the stairs as quietly as I can, which not surprisingly, isn't very quiet. Kasen must have heard me in the kitchen and he runs to me at the bottom of the stairs, helping me the rest of the way there.

"How do you feel?" he asks as he gets me a glass of water. He waits patiently as I drink it in its entirety, sighing and slamming it on the table once I'm finished.

"What did you give me?" I ask.

"Water,"

"No, no, what did you shoot into my arm." I look down at the needle hole that pierces my skin.

"Morphling," he says, his eyebrows crashing together in confusion. "Why?"

"Then why the hell did it feel like tracker jacker venom," I whimper to myself, my head in my hands. "It made the pain stop, Kasen, but it… it gave me visions…"

"That happens with morphling, honey," he tells me, sitting into the chair across from me. "People hallucinate but…"

"No," I shake my head angrily, "it wasn't like that. It was bad visions, like my family being tortured and my friends burning to death and…" my voice catches in my throat and I can't finish my sentence. "That's not normal," I finally finish. "Is it?"

"I don't know," Kasen says honestly. "Your mother never said that happened to her… I can look into it if you'd like…"

"How long have I been out?" I ask, cutting him off.

"Few days," he shrugs, "I don't know." I grab an apple from the bowl on the table and bite into it, sighing as the juice slides down my throat. My stomach shouts for more and I finish the apple, and then a banana. "I can make you something to…"

"No," I keep cutting him off tonight. "I'll get sick. Just leave me be."

There's a pause as he watches me. "Mines are shut down," he tells me in a hushed whisper. "The miners are going crazy…"

I nearly choke on the bite of fruit in my mouth as I look up wide eyed. "What do you _mean _'shut down'?" I hiss at him, slamming my fist on the table. "Who shut them down?"

"Capitol said working conditions weren't safe after that collapse," Kasen mumbles. "Everyone's rallying outside the Justice… where are you going?" he trails off as I shove myself away from the table charging to the door and slipping on a thin pair of shoes. "Madge, you don't have the strength to…"

"Leave me be," I grumble, struggling with the light jacket I pull over my arms. I haven't even changed from the pajama pants and tank top I woke up in. "I'll be back, maybe." As I rush out the door I hear Kasen shout something like _curfew_ and I groan. I forgot all about that. He's right, however, when he says I don't have the strength to do… anything. I have to pause and keep taking deep breaths, swallowing down the bile that rises in my throat. I have to make it to Gale's…

With every step a sharp pain goes up through me but I know it's from my lack of movement over the past few days. Are Katniss and Peeta still alive? How many people are left in the Games? What if the Capitol did something to Gale while I was out? Last I saw him he was hacking up a lung from the collapse of the mines. Maybe he's ill. Finally I get there, deep breaths racking my entire body as my heart pounds against my ribcage. I just want to see him.

The knocking I do on the door is meant to be loud and forceful but it comes off weak and pathetic. I'm almost scared I wasn't loud enough and as I raise my hand to knock again it swings open. The door I was leaning myself on to keep steady is no longer there and I fall onto Gale who's on the other side. It takes me a moment to process what's happening but by the time I do the door's already shut and he's got me lifted off the ground, holding me close.

"I was so worried," I hear him whisper, but other than that the entire house is silent. No Hazelle, no Rory, no Posy or Vick… "I thought they did something to you."

"Me?" I croak back. "What about you?" He laughs and then drags me to the couch, cradling me in his arms as his lips attack my face. My temple, my nose, my cheeks. "Where is everyone?"

"I wanted to be alone," he says quietly.

"Why? What happened in the Games? Is everyone okay?" I look around frantically as he kisses me gently.

"They're okay, everyone's okay. They've been scary," he says quietly. "They're making me nervous. But I got mad because the mines were shut down and I didn't want them to have to deal with my outburst," he admits. "Hazelle took the kids to the Everdeen's for the night."

"For the night?" I repeat, and he laughs again. "I have great timing then." Gale leans down and presses his lips gently against mine, sighing as I return the kiss.

"No, you've got to go home tonight."

"But," he kisses me again and my thoughts get lost in my head. "Did they really close the mines?"

"Mhm," his head drops and he kisses me across my jaw and down my neck. "Where've you been?"

"They gave me morphling," I say quietly, causing Gale to snap away from my neck, his eyes growing wide. "I got this headache," I wave it off like it was nothing but Gale cups my face in his hands and shakes his head.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine, fine," I try to change the subject but the panic in his eyes causes my heart to lurch into my throat. "I… no…" I drop my head and he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. "When you had morphling what did it do?"

"What do you…" he trails off and thinks, putting more pressure on the small of my back. "Everything stopped hurting," he says quietly. "Then there was just like, a foggy haze."

"Anything scary?" my voice cracks and his grip tightens again.

"No,"

"It doesn't work for me," I whimper, my forehead leaning against his chest. "It… it makes everything stop hurting but it's like tracker jacker venom. I see bad things happen. To you, to Prim, to Darius… to everyone…" All of a sudden I feel tears leaking from my eyes as the images appear again. "It happened the first time too but I thought it was because I had just been attacked," I tell him referring to when Cassius came after me. "It shouldn't have happened again and it did…"

"Shhh," his fingers brush through my hair gently. "Madge, it's okay,"

"No it's not!" I pull his shirt closer to me in clumps. "I'm going to be spending the rest of my life like _that_… trapped in _nightmares,_"

"Shhh," he says again, pressing his lips to my temple then skirting down the side of my face. "Madge," he lifts my chin up and his eyes meet mine. Hurting, scared, yet welcoming. Inviting. Like he's asking permission to kiss me again. I lift my hand and grab his neck, tugging him down to me. His lips are warm, he opens his mouth and pulls my bottom lip in between his own, sucking gently. The noise that I make causes him to smile into the kiss. He leans down over me on the couch, one of his hands trailing to my waist and nudging the fabric of my shirt up a bit so he can feel my hip.

My hands wrap around his neck and I arch into his form which makes him emit a noise similar to the one I did. "Make it stop," I whimper against him. "I don't want to be scared anymore." His nose nudges mine as I wrap my legs around him. Gale's arms circle around my back and lift me off the couch. I cling to his body, his lips never leaving mine as he carries me to his bedroom, the door thudding open causing us both to snicker. He lets me down lightly, closing the door behind him.

When he looks back to me I tug at the hem of his shirt as he leans down with a grin, his arms going up and pulling it the rest of the way off considering he's too tall for me to do so. I fumble in my actions for a moment just to watch as he tosses it in a pile on the floor, his muscles flexing as he does. My footsteps take me backwards to his bed as he goes forward, leaning over and kissing up my neck. My breath catches in my throat.

"Madge," he says again, the vibrations of his voice make me flesh in goosebumps. "If we… if we do this then,"

"Then what?" I ask through a heavy breath.

"Are you going to," he pauses and nuzzles into my neck.

"I'm not going anywhere," I rake at his chest gently. "I'm not going to regret anything and I'm not going anywhere." He nods, still unsure as I comb through his hair. "You're the only person that makes me feel safe anymore," I tell him.

"I don't want to hurt you," Gale says quietly.

"You won't," I force him to look at me. "I trust you. I love you." This time when he nods he's confident, leaning down to taste me again. I force myself on my elbows and fumble with the hem of my own shirt, trying to yank the thin tank top over my head. Gale laughs and does it for me, kissing up my stomach as he does so. I squirm nervously as he reaches my chest, carefully peeling my bra from my body.

"Are you sure?" he asks, his eyes soaking up all of me as he leans down to cup me. I nod and reach for the button of his jeans.

* * *

><p>I trace lazy circles on Gale's chest as he twirls his fingers through my hair, a soft smile on both of our faces. "I thought I had to go home tonight," I whisper, trying to keep the mood where it is.<p>

"You did, but I changed my mind," he tells me, his smile widening.

"My dad's going to kill you,"

"Can we not talk about your father right now?" he smirks, leaning down to steal another kiss. One of many from the past couple of hours. "Besides, if he's going to kill me for anything I doubt it'll be the fact that I kept you out past curfew again."

"Mmm…" I trail off as he pulls tighter on his grip around my waist.

"Madge Undersee I am one hundred percent in love with you," he murmurs. "Probably more than that, even, but I feel like you'd scold me if I said anything higher."

"Have you ever," I pause as he kisses me again. "Have you ever been with anyone else? You know, like that," he shakes his head.

"All yours," he whispers, his hand dipping down to my lower back and caressing it. "Have I ever told you that you have really soft skin?"

"No," I laugh, my fingers skirting across the stubble on his chin. "You have not."

"Well you do," he smiles. "And you smell like sugar."

"You smell like smoke," I return as he ducks to suck on my collarbone. "I love it."

"You just love that I smell like smoke?" he teases.

I laugh, "Well, you too, I guess." He grins and kisses me deeply, my thoughts trailing back to where we just were. I sigh as he pulls away. "I love you."

"I love you, too," a permanent grin is plastered on his face. "We should probably get dressed just in case my mom was to come home. Because then you'd be the dead one."

"Pretty sure you'd be just as dead as me," I laugh as he scoots off the bed, digging through his drawers until he finds the shirt I sleep in when I'm here and tossing it at me. He leans to the floor and picks up his boxers, sliding them on. I lick my lips unknowingly and he smirks, causing my cheeks to flare up.

"Can I help you?" he asks as I quickly slide the shirt on while he stalks back to the bed, his arms reaching around my stomach carefully.

"Stop," I laugh as he kisses me again.

"I love you in my clothes," he says. "Literally am in love with it."

"Literally," I repeat, and he nods.

"Literally." His hands slip back up under the shirt and rest on the small of my back. "I wish you lived here," he sighs. "Wish your father wasn't so," he trails off and rests against me, groaning under his breath.

There's a pause as my fingers find his hair again, running through it gently. "We should run away," I whisper, the thought sparking in my brain.

Gale pushes himself away from me and raises an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," I nod, sitting up. "Me and you. You're good in the woods, I'm good with you…"

He smirks, "That'd be nice."

"No," I shake my head. "I'm serious, we should do it."

"Madge," his smile fades. "We can't just run away."

"Why not?" my eyebrows furrow as he sits up farther. "I don't want to be here anymore. I hate the Capitol. I hate not seeing you. I hate always being scared and…"

"And running away would solve that?" he shakes his head and frowns. "They'd torture our families to find out where we were and then they'd capture us and make us avoxes and,"

"Stop!" I cut him off, crossing my arms. "Alright, alright. It was stupid."

"No it wasn't," he scoots closer to me. "It's not that I don't want to it's just,"

"That it was stupid," I cut him off again. "I know it was stupid. I'd never do it anyway, I'm just tired of being here." I lay back down and Gale follows, his arm around my waist. "And I'm scared of being here and…"

"Madge," this time he cuts _me_ off. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He pauses for a moment pulling me even closer, his breath tickling my ear. "When I talked to your mom she made me promise that no matter what your dad said that I'd keep you safe."

"She did?" I turn to him and he nods.

"She," he pauses to sigh, unsure if he should tell me. "She knows that things aren't great in Panem. She made me swear I wouldn't listen to your dad. She thinks he's on the wrong side. She knew he'd try to split us up."

"She… she did?" I ask again, and he nods. "Anything else?"

"Nothing important," he says, but I know he's lying by the glisten in his eye. "But you shouldn't be scared, okay?"

"Okay," I say lamely. He smiles and kisses me again, his tongue running against my bottom lip. "But what about," I have to pause as he nips me again. "What about the morphling?" I cringe as images flash across my eyes. Torture. Pain. Whippings. Fire.

"I don't know," he admits. "I'll figure something out, I swear."

"Okay," I say again. "I trust you."

* * *

><p>I get home early the next morning, but not early enough. My father's waiting on the couch for me with a scowl on his face. Instead of trying to avoid the situation I go and sit across from him in the armchair Bristel has claimed as hers.<p>

"All night," he growls. "You were out all night."

"I meant to come home but I missed curfew," I lie. I had plenty of time to make it home but after what we did it didn't feel right leaving. My body tingles just thinking about it. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" he laughs, throwing his hands in the air. "You're grounded."

"Daddy," I roll my eyes, but he stands up and I slink back in the chair.

"No, Madge, you're grounded. Don't act like I don't know where you were."

"I _love_ him," I say timidly. "Why don't you understand that?" I feel my chin quivering as he glares at me, his eyes sharp and cold.

"And I love _you_," he says. "That's why you can't be with him. There are things you don't fully understand yet and…"

"Then tell me!"I shout, cringing at how my voice cracks. "Tell me so I can understand!"

"I _can't_," my father stresses. "Not yet. Not now."

"Then when!" I plead, falling off the chair and onto my knees and grabbing his leg. "Daddy, why won't anyone tell me anything?"

"It's more complicated than just telling you, sweetheart," his voice is void of emotion. "Please, I'm just trying to keep you safe." Fine, if that's how he wants to keep it then fine! I push myself off of him and then shove at his chest, storming past him and up the stairs.

I make my way to my mother's room and slam her door shut by accident. Thankfully she was already awake and looks at me worriedly. "Sorry," I frown, walking over to her. "I'm grounded."

"Are you?" she smiles sadly. "Well then I apologize."

"I was with Gale last night," I grumble, sitting in the seat next to her.

"Mhm," she eyes up my figure and a smile plays at her lips. My cheeks flame up but I say nothing. "Your father doesn't approve?"

"Obviously," I frown, and climb into the bed next to her.

"Well I do," she says quietly. "It's true that your father loves you and is trying to keep you safe, but Gale does too and _he'll_ succeed." I nod as she wraps her arm around my shoulder so I can lean into her. "But your father is wrong. Don't listen to him, he's wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"He's trying to get Capitol help," she says even quieter. "I've been playing along but he's wrong, he's so wrong dear."

"Mommy,"

"Just listen to me. The Capitol does not play fair. They never have, they never will. Gale knows how to keep you safe, just stay with him, okay?"

"Okay," I reply confused.

"No matter what make sure you're with him. You'll know when. Just find him and stay with him. Don't come back for us."

"Mom I don't…" she shakes her head.

"And no matter what happens you need to carry on, alright?" her voice is frantic, like it's on the edge of hysteria. "You need to be brave and just keep fighting. Don't let them win." I nod as thoughts race through my mind. I have no idea what she's implying but I nod. The way she speaks is as if she's so sure of everything that's going to happen. "I'm sorry I'm so weak."

"But you're not," I tell her. "You're not weak at all." She smiles sadly at me and presses a gentle kiss to my forehead. "Mommy they used morphling on me and it didn't work."

"What do you mean it didn't work?" she asks confused.

"I… it, it made me have visions. Like, bad visions. Of things like people being hurt, people I love…" My mother's eyebrows furrow and she nods slowly. "What do I do?"

"Don't tell anyone."

"But, I don't…"

"Anyone, Madge. Don't tell anyone. They'll use it against you."

"O-okay," I stutter. She presses another kiss to my forehead. "You're scaring me," I admit quietly.

"Just do everything I've said, alright Madge? I love you. Your father loves you too but this time he's wrong. He's so wrong."

* * *

><p><em>AN: So AP exams are coming up and I won't have much time to write because I'll be studying. I'll try my hardest to keep up the frequent schedule I have for you all but it's going to be a tad difficult. Hope you liked the chapter, don't forget to review! Next chapter is predicted to be intense considering the Games are coming to a close... c:  
>EDIT: If you're uncomfortable with the sexual themes then I'm sorry but that's life? They're teenagers, they have teenage hormones, things like that happen. There's much more to it than they just had sex to have sex. They had sex because they were scared and desperate for each other and wanted the other to know that they were safe as long as they were together. When people love each other that's what they do. If you don't like it, well that's too bad. It's not like it was just a random scene, it's kind of important later on. I don't just shove in random scenes with no importance. <em>


	44. Chapter 44

**Disclaimer: Hello AU.**

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><p>"Your father has been very specific about what I'm supposed to do with you," Kasen paces in front of me as I sit on the couch. "You're not to leave my sight under any circumstances. You aren't allowed to watch the Games, you aren't allowed to go outside, and you aren't allowed to breathe."<p>

"Funny," I snicker.

"You know I'm against this," Kasen sighs, sitting next to me. "I think your father's being a tad ridiculous."

"Then let me go out," I plead. "I'll be back before he even notices. I swear I will." He studies my face slowly, grabbing my chin in his hand and tilting my head side to side. "Do it for love," I say happily with a hint of a sigh, and he laughs. He knows I'm joking. Partially. "Just tonight. I can't just dip out on him, Kasen," I say, referring to Gale. Especially after last night, the way his skin felt against mine, his breath dancing across me in warm intervals. My stomach knots just thinking about it. "I'll be back, I swear."

"If I get fired I expect you to save my butt," he jabs his finger lightly at me. I throw my arms around him and hug him tightly. "I do love you, Madge."

"I love you too," I grin. "Really, Kasen, I do."

"I'm happy you're happy," he tells me. "Now go off, and be safe." He nudges me away from him and I race toward the door. "Oh and Madge?" I slip my shoes on and bounce impatiently on my feet. "Listen to your mother." I nod at his sudden change in demeanor and then he pushes me out the door.

My feet carry me quickly to Gale's house as I think about what Kasen said. He must be on my mother's side too, they must be working together to protect me. She did say they were friends. But what exactly are they protecting me from? The Capitol in general? The unknown dangers of life? Something I can't even come up with in my wildest imaginations? I knock lightly on Gale's door and it creaks openly slowly, Posy on the other side with a smile.

"Hi Madge," she giggles.

"Hi Posy," I smile back. "Can I come in?" She nods and yanks the door open so I can enter. Rory and Vick sit at the table with a deck of cards. The Games are on but just for background noise. It isn't even Katniss and her group on the screen so I don't linger on it. No one else's paying attention anyway. "Hey guys," I say, stepping into the kitchen. They both turn to me and smile lightly, Vick's happier than Rory's. I know Rory hugged me all teary eyed and what not but he's still upset. I can see it in the hollowness of his eyes, the way he looks at me. "Gale here?"

"Yes," Vick nods. "In his room." I nod at him gratefully and make my way to Gale's room, gently knocking on the door.

"Gale?" I push the door open and find him on his side on his bed, sleeping away. I look back toward the kids in the kitchen and they smirk at me. I tiptoe into Gale's room after sticking my tongue out at them and close the door lightly. He stirs in his sleep and his eyes flutter open. "Hey," I smile.

"Hey," he says back through a sleep muddled voice that sends shivers through me. "What're you doing here?"

"What, don't you want me here?" I cross my arms like I'm offended and he lets a laugh bubble out of him as he reaches up with his arm and rubs at his eyes with his other hand. I slip off my shoes and crawl across the bed, Gale opening his arms to wrap around me. "I'm grounded," I tell him lightly.

"I can tell," he nuzzles into my neck and his breath skirts across my collarbone. "I'm so tired," he tells me. "Can we nap?"

"Nap?" I laugh, my fingers finding his hair. "Sure. Why're you tired?"

"Job hunting," he yawns. "Still catching up on sleep from working at the mines." He puts more pressures on my back, wrapping me even closer to him. "Plus you were here last night and didn't let me get _any _sleep," he teases. I giggle and he sighs. "Have you seen the Games?" I force out a noise that sounds like no. "There were jabberjays," he says. "Katniss got trapped in the jabberjay section and they used us against her."

"What do you…?"

"Me, Prim, Rory and Vick and Posy, even you," his voice cracks. "They took our interviews and made them sound like we were in _pain_, Madge."

"Gale," I press my lips to his jaw. "She knows it wasn't real. Katniss is smart."

"Mellark told her," he says. "Convinced her. But I heard my own family screaming in pain… I heard you,"

"Hey," I start raking my fingers through his hair again. "I'm fine, we're all fine, Gale." His eyes stay shut but he swallows tightly, grasping me as tight as he possibly can. "Everything's okay," my voice cracks and I blink a few times, watching the steady rhythm of his chest. I've avoided talking about the Games and watching the Games because I can't. I don't know what Haymitch will do but the way everyone is being wiped out so quickly makes me sick. Makes me think he's given up. I haven't even been interviewed this time, they would have had to use my voice from the previous Games. "When was this? Earlier today?"

"Yesterday I think, I don't know," he mumbles. Sleep is fast upon him. "I was just thinking about it. The way I heard you scream…"

"Gale," I say forcefully.

"You have no idea what it did to me," he nearly whimpers. "I'm not even in the Games and it still killed me." I pull his shirt closer to me in clumps and his fingers skirt across my skin. He cups my face and looks at me, his eyes flickering open. "I love you," he chokes out. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

"I know, Gale," I say weakly. "I love you, too." His lips tug upward for a moment but fall again as his eyes drop shut. "Anything else happen in the Games?"

He chokes out a laugh of sadness, "Yeah. Mellark gave her some locket and tried convincing her to come home." Of course Peeta would do that. "There was a picture of me inside. Prim and her mom too but," he shakes his head. His eyes remain shut. "Oh and a pearl. He gave her a pearl." My fingers resume the dance in his hair as his eyes flutter shut. "They're planning something."

"I know that," I say, but he shakes his head.

"No, something that'll change everything. I don't have a good feeling about tonight." I readjust myself so my forehead presses against his and he sighs, leaning forward and kissing me softly. "Stay with me."

"I will," I kiss him again. And I do. He finally drifts off to sleep and moments later I follow after him, my face in his chest, his arms loosely wrapped around me and his ankle twisted with mine. We wake when his door slams open, pounding against the wall. I sit up in bed and so does he, hand arms wrapping protectively around me. We both squint into the bright light seeping from the hall.

"Sorry," Hazelle says quietly. "But Madge needs to get home before curfew."

"Curfew?" I mutter, rubbing my eyes. "Already?" She nods and looks toward the window, the dark night flooding the sky.

"Come on," Gale nudges me out of bed. "I'll walk you."

* * *

><p>"I told Kasen I'd be home before my father got there," I say to Gale as we make slow work of getting home. "Since I missed that timeslot I don't think it would hurt to take the long way…" Gale smirks and leans down, pressing his lips to my temple. "We have plenty of time."<p>

"That's true," he says, pulling me off toward the square. "What's that?" he points toward the crowd formed around the screen.

"Didn't you say they were planning something in the Games?" I ask and he nods. I'm curious to see what Katniss and Peeta are doing. Despite not wanting to watch either of them die I have to know what they're up to. I think I felt like if I didn't watch the Games then they weren't going on, but I have to accept that isn't the truth.

"Not until midnight though," Gale replies.

"Their clock is off of ours by a few hours," I tell him. "That's the first thing I checked when it was announced it was a clock." His grip on my hand tightens as he pulls me along. We push through the mass of people until we're near the front. "Bristel!" I shout, catching sight of her long dark hair. She turns to me, a scowl on her face which she makes quick work of transforming into a smile. "Thom!"

"Hey," Thom cheers, although it doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Good to see you."

"What's going on?" Gale asks quietly, his eyes darting up to glare at the peacekeepers on the stage who leer down at us.

"Katniss and Peeta just split up," Bristel whispers back fiercly, a certain anger to her voice. "I thought Haymitch said," but Gale jerks his head so she shuts up. Bristel looks at me then steps closer to Thom, eyes returning to the screen. I go to ask what the hell she's _talking_ about when the screen catches my eye as well. Katniss and Johanna look at each other as they realize someone's cut the wire they're laying. "It'll electrocute the beach," Bristel fills me in. "Cutting off their supplies, or something."

"Right," I nod. Katniss reaches in her quiver for an arrow when Johanna rears up her arm, thrusting down a metal cylinder onto her head. "What the…"

"Shit," Gale mutters, his eyes focused on the screen as he pulls me closer, willing my face into his chest despite my protests. He thinks I'm not looking but I can't stop now. He says nothing about Katniss. He does not cry out in fear for her. Johanna pushes Katniss on the ground and then sits on her stomach, my eyes widen as I frantically look up at Gale for an explanation despite him not having one.

"Is it really…" Bristel trails off and Gale nods slowly. I can only assume what she's going to say. This is really _it_. Katniss is going to die right here, right now. Thanks a lot Haymitch. Thanks for lying to me. Thanks for _nothing_. Johanna yanks out a knife and digs it into Katniss' arm, I cringe at the sound of her skin tearing. She's not going to make it quick and painless; she's going to _torture _her. A scream bubbles up in my throat but gets caught at the last second.

"Stay down!" Johanna hisses to her. Stay down? Why doesn't she just slit her throat and get it over with? Tears blot at my eyes as I finally realize Johanna isn't killing Katniss. She's not killing her. Katniss is still alive. Katniss is lying on the ground bleeding profusely with a lump on her head and a sliced arm. Johanna gets up and jogs away from Katniss, wielding her pipe and charging toward the sound of oncoming footsteps.

"This is it," Thom turns to Gale. "We've got to,"

"Not yet," Gale cuts him off. "Hold on," but he's already pulling me toward the back of the crowd, Bristel and Thom following slowly as I keep my eyes trained on the screen. They can't get me to look away. I won't look away. If I have to watch my friend die then so be it but I have to know what happens. The image of Katniss is gone as they flash to Finnick running wildly through the woods, a look of panic plastered on his face.

"Johanna! Katniss!" he calls. The camera's scan the area nearby but there's no sight of Katniss. I know she's there though, she's managed to get herself on her feet, she's looking for Peeta. She's dropped to the ground and watches him.

"Gale what's going on?" I squeeze at his hand confusedly as a cannon booms. The cameras dart to Peeta who's wrestling with Brutus, the dead body of Chaff off to the side. "Peeta!" I shout as though I can help him, but I can't. I can't help him. I can't do anything but watch and cut off the circulation in Gale's hand. The cameras flash again and now the target is Beetee who's lying on the ground. "No," I shake my head. "What about Peeta!" A few moments later Katniss stumbles on to the scene and kneels beside him. He's not conscious, he's moaning in pain. She shakes him and screams at him, trying to get him to stir but he won't. They show a knife in Beetee's hand, Peeta's knife, and my insides clench. Beetee didn't do anything to Peeta, they would've shown it. I have to remind myself that.

Why is the wire wrapped around the knife? "Now," Gale says as Katniss looks toward the force field. "Thom, go now." He nods and turns to Bristel who bursts into tears.

"No, listen," Thom's being gentle with her. I tune in to them but my eyes stay locked on the screen. "I have to. I have to _go_."

"Thom," she cries. He cups her face and presses his lips fiercely against hers. "I'll see you soon?"

"I'll see you soon," he verifies. "Keep her safe. You can do this. You have to do this."

"I love you," she shakes. The sight of Bristel breaking down is making my heart drop into my toes. "Thom, I love you." He leans down and kisses her again.

"I love you too," he chokes out. "Be safe. You have to be safe. I'll get your family don't worry." She nods as he kisses her again and again and again until he finally forces himself away from her.

"Gale?" I look toward him, my eyes darting toward the parting couple. "What's going on?" Bristel walks back toward us and places a hand on my shoulder as Thom hurries away, not looking back. Bristel holds back sobs and wipes at her eyes. "Bristel?"

"Katniss!" Peeta's voice finally rings out and I snap back to the screen. I forget all about the teary departure I just witnessed and my eyes widen. They show Peeta stumbling slowly through the jungle. He keeps looking over his shoulder but they won't show us who's there, there's only one person it can be though. "Katniss!"

"Peeta!" Katniss screams back. The camera finally flashes to her. "Peeta! Peeta! I'm here!" She looks around frantically but she can't find him. "Peeta!" Footsteps crash through the jungle toward her and she pulls out her bow and arrow into position. She's set a trap. She's set a trap for herself, for the people she's luring in to kill. She can't fully have recovered from the blow to the head, how does she expect to protect him? How does she expect to protect her_self_?

"Gale?" I say again, begging him to look at me but he won't. His eyes are glued on the screen, eyebrows knitted in concentration. Katniss waits as Enobaria and Finnick close in on her, but they can't find her.

Another cannon fires. They don't even show us who died. "Katniss!" Peeta's screaming again. Beetee groans beside her and I watch as Katniss drops her bow a bit, thinking about something deeply. She turns toward the force field sliding the metal wire over her arrow and draws her aim. As she pulls back her bow the cameras zoom out, but it's not fast enough. The arrow pierces a chink in the force field and then the lightning strikes the tree.

"Katniss!" I scream, lunging toward the screen. Gale grips my hand and pulls me back forcefully. "No, let go!" I try and yank him off. She's thrown back to the ground. And then the Capitol emblem is on the screen.

"What is this?" someone in the crowd shouts. The peacekeepers draw their guns.

"Now," Gale mutters to Bristel, forcing us backwards.

"Go home," a voice booms over the speaker system. "Curfew will be enacted shortly."

"What happened?" someone else shouts. My feet are glued to the spot as I look frantically back and forth between everything.

"Katniss," I croak, reaching for the screen again.

"Turn it back on!" The peacekeepers snap their guns toward the crowd.

"What happened! Who died? Who won!" Shouts are radiating from all directions and Gale desperately tries to pull me away from the scene. I've gone into dead weight. Everything in my vision is blurry. People start throwing things at the men in uniform and I feel my chin quivering.

"Madge we have to go," Bristel says shortly through gasping breaths. "Let's listen to them alright?" But as she asks gently the first shots ring out, the shots on the stage from the peacekeepers. Gale grabs me in his arms frantically and rushes us away. Everyone starts screaming as a steady stream of bullets is released into the crowd at random.

"Madge," he grabs my face in both of his hands. "Look at me, listen to me," my eyes dart toward the crowd that explodes, everyone trying to rush past us. "Madge!" I finally meet his eyes that so desperately search mine and he leans down, forcing his lips against mine. Nothing about the action is gentle, it's terrified, desperate and passionate. It's panicked.

"Gale what's-" He kisses me again, our noses and his forehead resting on mine.

"I love you," he says weakly. "I love you, you have to go get Kasen. I have to go."

"Gale…" I shake my head and pull at his face, forcing him to stay here with me. Shots continue to echo off the walls and my brain's going numb.

"I love you so much," he kisses me again. "I'll see you soon, I swear I will. I'll come get you, wait at the house." He turns toward Bristel, "Don't leave unless you have to! Don't go with them! You _can't_ leave her!"

"I know," she says through a trembling voice, tears pricking at her eyes. Bristel reaches for my arm and tugs me away from him.

"No, Gale," I reach for him. I have to stay with him. That's what everyone said, I _have_ to stay with him! "What's going on?" My voice cracks and he cringes, shaking his head. He can't leave me, he can't leave me now. But he does.

"I love you," he says again, stepping back slowly.

"I love you too," I croak, tears filling my eyes. "Where are you… Gale!" He's already disappeared into the mass of people. "Gale!" I shout again, my eyes frantically searching for him. I step forward to chase after him back through the fleeing crowd but Bristel's grip on me is too tight.

"Come on," Bristel drags me toward my house. The crowd is thinning but the shots keep firing. Moans of pain and the scent of gun powder fill the air. "I don't know how much time we have."

"Where'd he go?" I demand, dragging my heels in the dirt. "Bristel!"

"He had to get the Everdeen's!" she shouts. "It was too dangerous for us, we have other things to do!" She forces back tears and grabs my wrist. "We have to go _now_, Madge!"

"Why?" I slowly follow, choking back sobs. "Bristel what's going on?"

"Haymitch's plan," she whispers. The screams from the crowd are slowly dying out behind us as our feet thud forward on the gravel, away from the panic and stress. More peacekeepers flock the square and Bristel pushes me down a back alley. We hunch over until they march past us. "We've got to run," she says in a forced whisper. I nod and wipe at my eyes, swallowing the lump in my throat. Nothing's making sense. Nothing's making _sense_! She nudges me out of the alley and we pick up our pace immediately.

"I can't," I choke out after a few minutes. I lean against a building and suck in rapid breaths. "I need to breathe." She nods, leaning against her own knees and doing the same. Neither of us are overly fit. I wasn't built to run that fast for this long. "Tell me," I pant, "what's going on." It isn't a request, it's a demand.

"Not yet," she shakes her head. "I can't right," she swallows, "now. We have to go." Again I nod and then we're forcing ourselves toward my house. My muscles scream in objection but Bristel drags me on. Just as we top the hill and my house comes into view we hear the air suck from around us. "No," she shakes her head. "No, no, no!" Her pace picks up and slows down at random intervals as she keeps her eyes on the sky. Planes swoop over head and she freezes in her step. "Get down!" she screams, lunging toward me.

Bristel collapses on top of me and I thud to the ground, my back scraping against the gravel. Just as she does so a bright light fills the sky, a crashing clatters among the ground. Air blows past us, chunks of ash and debris hurtling toward us. "Bristel?" I whisper, pushing her off me lightly. She's already sitting back up, her eyes trained on my house as she wipes the soot from her face. I grip my head, I knocked it against the ground. I think there'll be a lump and my vision's all starry. "Bristel?" I say again while I rub my face, confused when only more dirt and black comes off on them. I don't understand. Why are my hands covered in soot? She shakes her head and holds a finger to me as I glance frantically around us. Buildings are crumbling. Flames lick the sky.

"Slow," she says quietly, helping me back to my feet. "We have to go slow…" as she trails off another plane dives down, something escaping from the under of it. "Cover your…!" but I don't hear the rest. The noise the bomb makes is so deafening that nothing but a blaring ring is audible in my own ears. I'm thrown onto my back and I cringe as Bristel hysterically tries to get me to stand. Her lips are moving and tears are leaking down her face as she shakes me, frantically looking back toward my house. _Sorry_, she's saying. I can't hear her. _Madge, I'm so sorry, I tried, I tried…_ her voice isn't the first thing I hear when the sounds finally infiltrate my ears again. It's screaming. It's my mother screaming.

I look up toward my house and there it stands… there it _falls_… lighting up the entire street… "Mom!" the voice I make isn't human as I clamber on my knees toward the house. "Mom!" My legs won't work. My legs have to work, I have to get to her!

"Should've known they'd bomb it first," Bristel sobs. "I promised Kasen, I _promised _him!" she weeps. "Madge we can't go!" she grabs around my waist and yanks me backward. The flames dance closer, closing in on all the surrounding houses. Screams from everywhere echo now as the streets get flooded with people who flee their homes.

"My mom's in there!" I shove her off me, scratching the tears off my face with my hand. "_Mommy_…"

"Madge," Bristel whimpers again. "We've got to…" but as she goes to finish her another bomb explodes off to the left. We're surrounded. We're closed within the flames. The only place to go is back to the square. Bristel forces herself up on wobbly feet.

"What about Gale?" I scream at her. "Where is he? _What happened to him?_" The accusation in my voice is evident as a flash of terror is on her eyes. "What's going _on_?"

She shakes her head, "I don't know! I don't know but we can't stay here!" She yanks me to my feet and they feel like jelly. They're screaming at me, they don't want to move. I choke back sobs and my eyes flitter back to my house or what's left of it. No noise, only crackle. The entire street. The house is collapsed on itself and I drop to the ground, dry heaving until bile trickles up my throat.

"Dead," I shake my head. "They're dead my parents are dead…" Another bomb forces Bristel down next to me. She glances around frantically and then clings to my body. "Bristel I don't want to die," I choke out. "I can't I don't want to…"

"Not tonight," she shakes her head. "You won't tonight, come on!" She pulls me up and I helplessly stumble behind her throwing glances down the street to what was once my home. Angry reds and oranges claim my life. Gone in minutes. Burning to a crisp. The screams from town make my skin shiver and Bristel forces me to look at her. "We have to _go_, Madge!" She's covered in soot, ash dusts in her hair. I lift a shaky hand to wipe under her cheek and she sniffles, throwing her arms around me as tight as she can. "I'm so sorry," she whimpers. "I'm _so sorry_…"

"Gale," I force out again.

"Was going to come from that way," she points with shaky fingers to the wall of flames in which we emerged. I know he won't come for me. He's scared of fire. He said so himself. "This way!" She pulls me down an alley on the outskirts of the square. From where we turn I still hear shots echoing, the peacekeepers are relentless as they continue to fire. Weeping carries over the crackle of the fire. "Just wait here," she says weakly. "I hope this is the…" but she trails off and her body goes rigid. I gasp and take a few steps back, preparing to run when I, too, freeze in place. I'm being lifted into a hovercraft. My eyes dart frantically but I can't move. Bristel's aboard the invisible ship before I am then I'm up too, my body collapsing on the floor with a thud.

Everything is white. Everything is too white and I scoot myself backwards, panic in my eyes. "Why would you," I go to yell at Bristel, "take us to a place where the Capitol would get us!" My voice is quivering. We're going to die. I'm going to die. This is it. I continue to back up to distance myself from her, a traitor, but she shakes he head frantically.

"Madge, no, you don't get it! We're not…" she trails off and her eyes darting up to the person behind me just as I ram into them. I panic and snap around, falling backwards on my elbows and eyeing up the person slowly. Green frantic hair, a golden bracelet donned on his wrist, Grash is standing in front of me.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Next chapter involves a lot of explanations as well as some failed plans... thank you for your patience and reviews. _


	45. Chapter 45

**Disclaimer: The fire didn't exactly end last chapter.**

* * *

><p>"Hello, Madge," Grash smiles brightly at me, offering his hand down so I can help myself up. A shrill scream erupts from my throat as I push myself away from him as fast as I can. "No, no Ms. Undersee you don't understand, I'm on your side!" He holds up his wrist and shows me the bracelet. "Tell her, Bristel!" I'm still screaming. My throat is raw but I can't stop screaming. Traitor. Traitor, traitor, traitor.<p>

"He's our inside guy!" Bristel shouts quickly, jumping forward and sitting on my chest, thrusting my arms back on the ground. "Madge, he's on our side!" Her hand covers my mouth and I pant heavily, blinking the tears out of my eyes.

"He," I choke out and struggle to force her off me when she removes her hand. "He, no! He works for _them_!" The Capitol, he works for the Capitol. There's no way someone like him would be on our side, no way someone like him would help us out. He's part of them, he's a liar, he's going to get us killed.

"_No_, Madge," she stresses. "He's on _our_ side."

"Where's the mayor?" Grash asks, striding across the room to face the monitors that line the wall. Dozens of them, blinking with images of flames and screaming people. "Kasen?" Bristel finally rolls off of me and hops up, rushing toward him and shaking her head quickly. "They didn't…?" She continues to shake her head, her eyes darting toward me. "Oh, oh my. I'm sorry, Madge." I sit up slowly with a quivering chin and watch the two interacting. All this time they were working together. They kept secrets from me. They lied, they bent the rules and broke the law. Gale helped. Gale.

"Where's Gale?" I whisper, shaking from where I sit. The two continue yapping to each other and pointing at the screens, their obnoxious voices scratching at my nerves. "Where's Gale!" I shout, both of them turning to me. "Is he… is he okay?"

"Let's see," Grash says, tapping on the panels and dragging his fingers across slowly. "Come please, Ms. Madge." Bristel nods and I force myself off the floor on shaky legs, making my way slowly to the two. "The entire District is monitored," he tells me. "Has been for a very long time. I've tapped into the Capitol viewing center so we have this footage." He flicks through the various screens as if it's a TV show. People screaming, bodies running on fire, collapsing houses, I think I'm gonna be sick… I turn and collapse on my knees, dry heaving painfully.

"Madge," Bristel leans next to me. I don't want her touching me. She lied to me. She could have warned me, could have warned everyone. My family, my parents. Gone because she didn't warn them.

"So many innocent people," I force out. "And you all knew…"

"It's not like that," she shakes her head. "We weren't sure, we made plans just in case…" but she's lying, oh she's lying… everyone knew. It was Haymitch's plan, Haymitch and that Capitol and everyone's plan… "Look!" The camera zooms in to two people struggling. I force myself back up as I come to recognize the panic stricken soot covered face.

"I have to get her!" Gale's trying to force Thom's arms off of his shoulders. "She can't be dead, she can't be dead…" Me. He's talking about me. He thinks I'm dead. The entire street where my house is on burned to the ground, of course he thinks I'm dead.

"Gale," I lean forward, my fingers brushing out to touch the screen. "Help him!" He's down there, down in the fire and ash. It's sprinkled about his hair, smeared across his face. He's on the edge of a wall of flames, bent on leaping through to find me. Thom won't let him. Thom, _don't let him._

"We can't," Grash shakes his head sadly and watches the two struggling. Bristel locks her hand with mine. "He's in a bombing zone. There's already hovercrafts there, they could send things down any minute. Besides, we can't be detected. They'll kill us too." I go to ask what he's talking about when the conversation between the two friends picks up again.

"You saw the building collapse!" Thom shouts back through a terrified voice. He watches the flames race toward them and pulls Gale backwards. "We have to go, Gale! We have to go!"

"_Madge_!" Gale's trying to charge at the flames. He thinks I'm dead. He thinks I'm dead. "She can't die, she can't be dead!" I'm not dead. Gale, I'm not dead! My hands are shaking as I reach toward the monitor to make myself closer. "I was going to…" he trails off as his voice catches in her throat.

"She _is_!" Thom shouts back. "So is Bristel! They're _gone_!" His voice cracks and he slouches over on Gale, blinking back tears of his own. "We have to go," Gale finally nods and wipes at his eyes with the back of his charred sleeve, then the two run as fast as they can in the other direction.

"Thom," Bristel's chin quivers but she doesn't cry. She strokes the screen. "They think we're dead." Grash nods and taps on a few other monitors, zooming in on specific people. The entire district has been bugged for ages. That's what he said. The Capitol had always been watching us. Every treasonous comment, every time Gale hopped the fence and hunted in the woods. They knew they entire time. Every word we said, every time Gale kissed me. They were watching, they always knew. It's how they knew about the mines, it's how they knew to turn the fence back on. The Capitol always knew, and now they're watching their citizens panic and burn in flames, showing the images all across Panem to reinforce what happens in a rebellion. I feel like I'm going to puke all over again.

"But we're not!" I shout back, tears leaking down my face. "We're not dead!" They don't know that, though. They think we're gone. They're going to keep fighting despite thinking our bodies lie in heaps under pillars and shattered windows and crumbling walls.

"You'll see them again in District 13," Grash waves it off. "No worries dears, it will be okay."

"D-district 13?" I stutter, turning to them. We're the new District 13. There's no helping us. Like there was no helping them. "But they… they're bombed…"

"Doesn't she know anything?" Grash turns to Bristel and she shakes her head. "Well why not?"

"Gale didn't want her to know," she says weakly. "Just in case her father's plan actually fell through and they took her to the Capitol."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" I scream, taking a step back. Gale was trying to protect me, and just like my mother said, he succeeded. But now I'm in the dark. If I had listened to my father I'd be toasted. It's why Kasen let me out, because he knew too. Everyone was working to protect me, but why? "What's going _on_?"

"I think you should sit down," Grash says, ushering to a chair.

* * *

><p>"The second the Third Quell was announced a string of rebellion leaders across Panem started making plans on how to get the tributes out of the arena. The way Katniss and Peeta both got out was basically a big <em>we've beaten you<em> to the Capitol. Snow wasn't happy… isn't happy. He figured it would be the best way to get rid of all the Victors he had a problem with. You already knew there were districts in uprisings, yes?" I nod as Bristel carries on her story. I saw it on my father's monitors, much like the ones Grash has, but I had thought they were repressed. Everyone acted as though they were stopped. "Good, okay, well. Grash was our inside guy. He was a fully fledged Capitol citizen and his loyalties were with them but something changed his mind."

"I saw your test results," Grash tells me. Of course he saw them, he took them. "They were faked." His words soak in for a minute before I can reply. Faked. My test results were faked. It hits me like a brick.

"Faked?" I nearly gasp and stumble over the word. How can my results be faked? It said, clear in print, that I had the same disease as my mother. "But I…what do you mean?" I shake my head and drop it into my hands. "Can't be true." I was so set on the idea that I was dying.

"I mean," Grash says slowly, "that your results were negative." There's another long pause as he studies me while I face my hands. Negative. I don't have the disease. I don't have the disease. I was so bent on having the disease that it became my lifestyle. It became who I was. It held me back, it kept me trapped and weak and vulnerable because _I let it_. I never had it. It's all a lie, a fabricated lie meant to make me vulnerable. "It was the Capitols way of willing your father to keep his loyalties with them." I nod slowly, showing them they should keep talking. I just can't speak. Words are bubbling up in my throat but I can't speak. It feels wrong. "The disease your mother has,"

"Had," I cut him off sharply. She's gone now. There is no has.

"Had…" he continues slowly, "it wasn't even hereditary. There was no risk of you having it." No risk at all. Lies, someone was lying. Is Grash lying? He can't be lying. My mother's dead. Everyone's dead. Am I dead? Flashes of images are appearing before me, I'm in a hovercraft. Deep breath, I just need to breathe. I need to breathe.

"But I had the headache," I shake my head. "They gave me morphling and everything," Grash is lying, he has to be lying.

"No," Grash shakes his head. "That was from overexerting yourself. You were stressed and panicked and then you raced down to the mines, Kasen told me all about it. You had been fighting with your family and your state of mind wasn't sturdy, it lead to a chronic migraine that would have gone away slowly over time." Despite being from the Capitol, he's smart. He's got all of his brain knowledge in there somewhere, he is a doctor after all. I have to believe him.

"Okay, _then_ what?" I have to know. I have to know everything.

"Haymitch contacted me, thanks to you." He says. "I tried convincing your father but he wouldn't listen. He wanted so badly to believe that the Capitol would protect you but I knew. He wanted to keep you safe, to his dying day that was all he wanted." I blink and feel tears forming in my eyes. All the resentment I had for my father, the pent up anger. He just loved me so endlessly he would abandon the entire district to keep me safe. "That's why he didn't want you around Gale, who was trying to convince him everything I just said. Gale was one of the first people in on the plan, the way to evacuate so many people from the district." I think back to the images that flash on the screens just a few feet away from me.

"It obviously didn't work," I bite out.

"That's not true," Bristel shakes her head and leaps for the screens. "We got as many people as we could, we're still doing it too. They can't bomb the entire district at once, some places are easier to evacuate. Besides, not everyone really wanted to jump on a plan to defy the Capitol. It was hard to convince people."

"You could have saved them!" I shout again.

"Ms. Madge, please," Grash rests his hand on my shoulder and I push him away. "May I continue?" I force my head into a nod of some sort and he sighs. "Alright, the Capitol planned to double cross your father anyway. The part of you being sick was what made it so easy for him to join their side. They thought if the mayor was on the side of the Capitol then there would be less chance of rebellion, which obviously wasn't true. Then they blamed him for what happened."

"Which is why my house was first to go," I choke out. Grash nods. Bristel taps away at the screens, I'm guessing she learned how to use them sometime.

"They're out," Bristel says with a sigh of relief. "Thom, and Gale, and the Everdeen's, everyone's out."

"Not my mother," I snap. Bristel swallows. "Not Kasen."

"That man," Bristel hisses through clenched teeth, "did everything he could to keep you safe. If you were to get to the Capitol, oh _hell_, Madge. They'd have a field day with you!" I cross my arms and wait for her to continue. "Daughter of the mayor, girlfriend of one of the rebellion leaders. Let's not forget your looks!" Bristel shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "We sacrificed _everything_ for _you._"

"Why? Why not let me die with my family?" I drop my head back into my hands and feel tears pressing against me. "They're all dead because of me. Because you were too scared to tell me the truth."

"We kept you alive because Katniss will need you," Grash says. "She'll need a friend."

"And Gale's in love with you," Bristel adds. "Without you he wouldn't be able to do anything." I bury my head into my hands even more and swallow roughly. "Katniss and Peeta are going to be in District 13, Madge. That's where we're going."

"But it's bombed," I whimper. To hell with everyone for making me so weak, making me dependable. I could've been strong if they'd let me.

"It's underground, they're still alive," she sits back down next to me and puts her arm over my shoulder. "There's going to be a war and we're going to win."

"We've already lost," I croak out. "Look at what they _did_," I swallow again, pushing a sob down my throat. "There's no hope, no hope…"

"Katniss will lead us," Grash says. "Katniss will help us win. We'll be a team, all of us!" Katniss, Katniss, Katniss. Katniss did this. Katniss caused this. I shake the idea out of my head, this wasn't her fault. She just wanted to protect Peeta. "Update?" Grash says weakly to Bristel.

"They're at the rendezvous point," Bristel tells him. "Madge, come on. We've got a bit of flying to do before we reach 13." I shake my head and push her off me, trying to process everything. "It's very close but we have to go slow to fly under radars and whatnot, we should be there by morning. Gale will explain it all to you, okay? He's alright, Madge." But my family isn't. I cling to the idea of Gale, his arms welcoming me to a safe place. A place in which we don't have to hide, a place in which the Capitol isn't watching us.

Watching us, the Capitol was always watching us. What else could they possibly have control over? My house? Grash said it was bugged, that must have added to them bombing it first. My mother was a rebel, as was Kasen, as was I… the way I helped with the newspapers and muttered angry things under my breath. I've been a rebel all this time. "Tell me more," I whisper. And they do. They tell me about Darius and how he's an avox. They tell me all about District 13 and how to get to it and all about it. They tell me about the president there, and the way they operate, and how they plan to make Katniss the mockingjay.

As I sit and try to absorb as much information as I can the hovercraft flies. I don't really care, to be honest, but it stops me from thinking about the family I love. The ride is slow and irritating and I want nothing more than to look at something that isn't white. I reach for my necklace and realize I don't have it. Even that was a symbol of the rebellion. I'm a key target, everyone's right. Friends with Katniss, dating Gale, I might as well have a red X painted on my forehead. They must deem me somewhat important if they used my screams in the jabberjay section of the arena. Every time I blink I see my mother's face and I'm washed with guilt. What happened to her was because of me.

I keep hitting my head, trying to force myself to wake up. But I won't because this isn't a dream. My parents are actually dead. For all I know the Capitol has gotten Gale by now, stealing him away and torturing him. He's all I have left in this world, him and Bristel and the hope for a happier life. I want to wake up. I wouldn't mind waking up if it meant everyone in the district was still alive. Jace. Oh, sweet mercy… _Jace_. I rack my brain trying to think of his last words to me. Something playful, something stupid. Something like _see you tomorrow_. Again I'm forcing tears back. Gone, just like that. He's gone, he's gone, he's gone… everyone's gone.

"Grash," Bristel suddenly says. "What's that beeping noise?" I lift my head from my hands and watch as the two scramble near the monitors. I try to listen for the sound and finally I hear it. "What's that noise?" she says more urgently, rushing away from the monitor and over to me. It's faint, but panicked. Like the noise is screaming to be heard. First it's slow but it speeds up rapidly. "Grash!"

"I don't know!" he says back. "I think we've been seen," he forces out, frantically hitting buttons on the monitors. "Tablu, Resce!" he's calling to the other people on the ship. "What's going on?"

"It's going to get bumpy!" one of them shouts back. "Hold on tight!" The ship makes a frantic dip and I cling to Bristel, my eyes going wide and a scream on my lips. "They're trying to knock us out of the sky!"

"No," Bristel clings to me. "No, no, no, we're supposed to be safe!" Her arms wrap tightly around my body. "They won't get us, Madge!"

"Who?" I scream again as the ship makes another dive and turns off to the left. "Bristel, you can't mean that they're…" but my voice gets cut off.

It's like a steady ringing, a steady sound of crunching metal. I'm seeing it happen in flashes. The way Bristel throws herself over me and holds me to the floor. The way Grash lunges for us. Glimpses of a full event. The side of the ship blowing off. The gust of air that attacks us. Again I'm being covered. Covered in soot, covered in flames. Bristel coughs next to me, moaning my name. I try to tell her that I'm here but I can't find my voice. The fall, the way my heart lurched in my stomach when there was suddenly no ground beneath me to cling onto. The throbbing in my wrist that reminds me of that very first day that I went to find Gale in the woods. Stars, lights, bright invading sources of energy is invading my vision. I cannot see, it hurts to breath. I focus on the steady cycle of breathing as shifting of the metal continues. I hear more screaming, I had thought the screaming stopped back in the district. There's a ground now and Bristel is trying to find me. I cannot move.

"Madge," her voice is hoarse. "No, no, no…"

"Grab her!" someone shouts. They aren't talking about me.

"Madge!" Bristel's voice is suddenly panicked. "Madge!"

"Brist…" my voice gives out before I can even finish her name. There's a round of gunfire and Bristel continues to scream until it stops. She's still alive, they weren't firing at her. I claw at the dirt on the ground. What happened? What _happened_? I squeeze my eyes shut as someone heaves a piece of the hovercraft wall off of me. That's right, we were hit. The Capitol found our ship, the Capitol sent a missile at us. The wall ripped off, air came in and sucked us all out, the entire ship following after us. The wings caught on fire, the engine gave out, we were discovered. Flashes, glimpse of the scene is all I see. My wrist is killing me. I think my forehead's bleeding. I try to wipe my face but it's covered in soot from my own District and I can't get a breath of fresh air that I'm so desperate for. Smoke is all I inhale.

"You can't!" Bristel is shouting. "You can't win this!" She's being restrained, she's so weak. I'm weaker than her and it's her fault. I'm the weakest of them all. I have nothing left. At last a piece of metal is removed from me.

"She's burned," I hear someone say. Their voice is quite near mine. "Her leg, she probably can't walk."

"Then carry her." I blink to make sure I'm actually seeing the sky, the moon above my head. I have to take it in, I have to remember this. Because when a man in a white suit reaches down and lifts me into his arms, deadweight, I see where I'm going. The hovercraft they're taking us on to is not one that belongs to District 13. It bares the emblem of the Capitol.

* * *

><p><em>AN: The last scene was meant to be a bit confusing. Their ship was found and taken out of the sky, the Capitol retrieving whoever was left. They knew someone important must have been on it, and I suppose they were right. Madge knows what happens and remembers glimpses but not all at once, as you can see. She goes back and forth between where she is and where she was, confusing the two because she hit her head. Basically, she's terrified out of her mind and can't figure out what's really going on. Anyway, happy mother's day! Thank you all for being patient with me. One of my lovely readers is writing a story called Beyond the Forest (/s/8095330/1/Beyond_the_Forest), feel free to check it out. Anyway, in my story, Gale and Madge will be separated for a few chapters. You have to bear with me and trust me. Hold your breath, it's going to be a bumpy ride. If there are anymore unanswered questions review with them and I'll get back to you, make sure your inbox open or whatever though ~ Let me know your thoughts. x_


	46. Chapter 46

**Disclaimer: I'm supposed to be studying for an AP exam but I'd rather post this.**

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><p>"It's okay," Gale's voice soothes me. My eyes flutter open, I'm in a white room. He has his arms wrapped tightly around me. I've never been more relieved to see his face, his perfectly sculpted chin and gentle cheekbones. "It's okay, Madge. You're okay." I reach up and grab his face, making sure it's really him. He smiles, leaning down so his nose bumps mine. "I thought I lost you." He's real, he's real and he's here and he's holding me.<p>

"I'm right here," I croak back. My throat is sore, I want a glass of water. He smiles weakly and bends down, kissing me gently. "How'd you find me?" His lips hover over mine, his breath tingles against my skin. He found me. He stopped the people in the Capitol. He saved me.

"Doesn't matter," he murmurs back, his lips against mine now. He's right, it doesn't matter how he found me. What matters is that he found me. He found me, he beat them. I'm safe. His arms are so warm, his breath is ragged. His hands trail up my back and down my sides, tangling in my hair, cupping my face. "I thought you were gone," again he's kissing me, frantically, scared. "I'd never been more terrified in my life…" I hate hearing him talk like this, like something bad has happened. Nothing's happened, he'd never leave me. I should've known he'd rescue me, keep me safe. How I thought anything different is a mystery.

"Shhh," I reach up and grab his neck, he smiles into the kiss. "I thought they took me." I must've been hallucinating after my ship crashed. Bristel is safe too, and Grash, and we're all safe in District 13.

"I wouldn't let them," he shakes his head, his hands wrapping tighter around my back. One dips under the hem of my shirt and caresses my skin, sending shivers down my spine. I know, I know he wouldn't let them. He loves me too much. He'd never let me go. "I won't let them hurt you, ever. I swear, I swear I won't." I nod as his lips meet mine again. Gale's hand reaches up and lightly moves across my cheek. "I love you," he whispers. "I'll find you." I pull away from the kiss and my eyes widen. He meant he'd find me if something were to happen.

"What'd you say?"

"Madge," he reaches for me again, but then his voice screeches. "Madge!" Again I force him away. His voice morphs into an angry snarl, "_Undersee_!" His figure dissolves, I stretch for him but grab an air of empty. I roll backwards off a bed and slam into the wall, my eyes snapping open. The white room is gone. The soft glow and comforting air is no longer here. "Thought you were dead," a voice growls from the door. I blink a few times trying to focus on the voice. That's not Gale. "Get up." I rub at my eyes, where am I? I can't see anything, the room is dark and foggy. I thought Gale saved me. I thought he saved me! "I said, _get up_," they repeat. I try to force myself onto my feet quickly, the anger in their voice making me shake, but I can't. I reach down and paw at my leg, charred skin rubbing off in my hand. It hurts to stand, it hurts to move and breathe. "You either get up and _walk_ to the hospital wing, or you stay here without help." I can't even see who's talking to me.

"It hurts to stand," I reply timidly. Who is this? And why are they being so cruel to me?

"What a shame," the door forces open and a yellow light invades the room I'm in. It's so harsh, so _bright_ that it throws me backwards onto my palms. The stranger charges into the room as I rub at my eyes, then they yank me up by my shoulder. I grunt in pain but finally I'm standing, my eyes adjusting to the light. One twin sized bed, a mattress as thin as paper. One toilet, one roll of toilet paper in the corner. No windows. Dirty, blood covered tiles. Cement walls. A metal door that's currently open. "Let's go, have to get you cleaned up first," the man in white shoves me forward into a terribly illuminated hall. The only light is from the dimming yellow light bulbs, casting an eerie glow. I finally get a chance to glance down at myself, I'm in the same clothes that I wore when the hovercraft went down. My hands and arms are covered in cuts and bruises, my skin covered in soot and ash. I realize there are other doors, similar to mine. People scream from behind them, beg to be free.

"Let me out!" one of them screams. "You can't win this!"

"Bristel?" my voice cracks as I snap in the direction of her words. "Bristel!"

"Madge!" she shouts back. There're too many doors, I can't tell which one she's coming from. "Madge! Don't tell them anything!"

"Pathetic," the man walking me mutters, shoving me forward.

"Bristel!" I scream again, trying to push past the person in white. "Where are you?"

"I'm here!" she yells, banging on the door. "Madge!" The person is too strong for me though, I'm too weak. He pushes me again, this time through another corridor, and then her screaming is gone.

"What did you do to her?" I hiss at the man, struggling to get past him. "Let her go!"

"Don't make me laugh," he snorts, shoving me against the wall roughly. I grunt under his weight as he presses me tightly. "Listen, princess. You don't call the shots here." I try to push his arms off but his grip is too strong. He tightens it, shoving his forearm over my throat. "You want to stay alive? You play along. You don't want to be in pain? You behave. You answer questions." I study his face and snarl as he drops me, grabbing my wrists behind my back. He's a peacekeeper, but the worst kind. He works my new place of residence, he works the dungeons.

Only now do I understand what has actually happened. I'm a prisoner. I must've been unconscious. For how long? I ache for Gale's touch, his comforting words. I thought I was safe, it felt so real… It hits me worse than when I found out I wasn't actually ill. I'm a prisoner of the Capitol. Everyone risked their lives saving me, keeping me from this place, and I'm still here. Tears press at my eyes but I won't let this man see me cry. The Capitol will not win this battle, I am not weak. I'm strong for my mother, strong for Gale, and as he grips my wrists tighter and shoves me into an unmarked room, I'm strong for myself. I won't let them break me. They won't break me. They _can't_ break me.

I'm thrown onto the floor and brace myself for the impact, my wrist still throbs painfully from the hovercraft crashing. The man who brought me here leaves me here, slamming the door behind me. I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. The lights in this room aren't as yellow, nor as bright. A dim white, perhaps. Everything feels damp, we must be underground. I try to remember everything my father told me about the prison dungeons. _They'll torture you_, his voice is faint. _Even if you don't know anything, they'll torture you_. _Anything to break you_. Of course, he hadn't been telling me for my sake at that time, he was telling me when I asked about Darius. Now, however, that information is coming in handy. _They do awful things to the girls, Madge_, he had said. _They don't care about anyone, anything. I don't even want to think about what they'd do to you_.

A group of two men charge into the room and I scoot back as fast as I can, but they're too quick. They grab my wrists and pull me into a standing position despite my protests. There's a bar overhead and they chain my wrists to it, peeling the clothes from my skin. I cringe, their sweaty hands touch my bare skin. I try to yank free, the shackles are cutting into my skin, they're too tight. As quick as they're in, they're gone. I'm alone in the room. I'm naked. "Hello?" I call out. "Is anyone…?" my voice is cut off by the sound of a hose turning on. A high power hose. Aimed right at my chest.

The water pounds onto my skin, it hurts so badly I can't even see, screams of protest claw up my throat. I sound inhumane, I sound like I'm dying. I squeeze my eyes shut and force the pain away, but it lingers. My arms, my legs, my face, it's coming in all directions, scraping the dirt and soot and any remnants of home away from me. Any remnants of my survival. I'm going to be clean, raw and more fragile. I'm not a fighter anymore, I'm a weakling. I'm a pure, breakable play toy. After minutes of agony, the hose cuts off. My entire body shivers and the shackles around my wrists release, causing me to collide with the floor painfully. They'd been holding me up. I lay there on the floor gritting my teeth. They can make me look like a prisoner but they won't win. They can't have me.

"Margret Undersee," a sharp voice invades my thoughts and I sit up, momentarily forgetting my wrist is injured and wincing in pain. I turn sharply and see the person in question, a tall slender man, his arms limp like noodles. The man must be in his forties, but then again you can never tell with people in the Capitol. His hair is sprinkled pink and his eyebrows are sharp and unforgiving. "Seventeen, daughter of the mayor, friend of the _mockingjay_," he spits on the floor next to me. "And yet still no better than anyone else in your pathetic district." I glare daggers as he analyzes my condition, but I can't stop the shivers that wrack my body. My hair drips down my shoulders. "You're better off dead." Of course he's right. Anyone's better off dead than being here. They can only kill me once, torture can last for years. In the Capitol they can repair you only to destroy you over and over and over again, the never ending cycle of pain to keep you company.

"Then kill me."

He smirks, "Now, now, that wouldn't be very fun." He reaches down and pulls me up despite my protests and throws me into a chair, flicking a switch so the lights in the room increase. "What hurts?" He's not referring to my skin, that's for sure. The bright pink welts splatter across my body. I don't even try to cover myself up anymore, it won't matter. I keep my mouth shut. If I get used to the inner pain, the throbbing of my wrist and ribs and lower leg, that's one thing, if they patch me up I'll just have to deal with it all over again sooner or later. "Oh, you're one of _them_," his smile broadens. "I like them feisty." He reaches down and grabs my leg, pulling it up to inspect. "Disgusting." Honestly, it is disgusting. The deformed skin, the charred black color it has and blisters it emits. Even the power wash couldn't clean me. He throws it back onto the ground and marches across the room and unlocks a cabinet with a key from around his neck. After digging around for a few minutes he finds a jar of cream and returns to me, yanking my leg back up. "It should only sting." I cringe as he slathers the cream across my leg and drops it back to the ground. It only stings _a lot_. "Now your wrist," he pulls it up and rolls it in his hand.

"It's fine," I bite out.

"Sure," he twists it and I clench my teeth. "Perfectly fine." Again he crosses to the cabinet and finds a needle, filling it with an unmarked substance and walking back over to me.

"What's that?" I ask quickly. No morphling, please no morphling.

"It'll align your bones," he says sharply, grabbing my wrist and injecting it quickly. I cringe again as the needle pierces my skin.

"Why are you doing this?" I ask weakly. "Making me better?"

"If it were up to me you'd rot in that cell," the doctor tells me. I still don't know his name. I don't want to. "President ordered it, however." My skin instantly fleshes in goosebumps and he pulls the now empty needle from my wrist. The man reaches across to a counter and tosses a pair of grey clothes at me. Shorts. An overly baggy shirt. Nothing to wear underneath. "Back to your room," he tells me after I'm dressed, pulling me up quickly.

"No, but I…"

"Let's get this clear," the man turns to me. "Your time in this prison isn't going to be easy. It isn't going to be enjoyable, it isn't going to just pass you by." I swallow and nod. "Behave, you hear me?" Again, I nod. He grins wickedly, "Good. Now, back to your room."

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><p>I can't even bring myself to lay in bed, so I stay on the floor staring at the ceiling, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I hear Bristel's voice down the hallway. In the other direction I hear screaming, panicked screaming of some sort of animal. It must be an avox. I can't even try to sleep, I won't get anywhere. Finally, the ceiling becomes visible. It's faint but I can make out the cement foundation above me, the cracks that line the walls.<p>

"Madge Undersee?" I hear a faint whisper. Great, the voices in my head have already started. I won't answer them. "I know you're not asleep." The sound is coming from the corner of my room. I sit up slowly and glance around. "Madge," they whisper again.

"You're not supposed to answer the voices in your head," I mutter to myself.

A muffled laugh, "I'm not in your head, I'm in the cell next to you." I glance toward the door, this must be a test. They're testing me to see... see what? "Come over here," they say quietly. It's a female voice, it sounds a bit familiar but I can't place it. Slowly, I scoot toward the corner, dropping my head to the ground. "Hello?" their voice is louder now that I've closed the distance.

"Who are you?" I ask quietly. I trace the wall until I see that there's a small crack. That's where her voice must be coming from. "How do you know my name?"

"The entire prison is talking about it," she whispers back. "How they hit the jackpot with you. I'm sorry that you have to be here." Instead of answering I lay back, staring at the ceiling again. "My name's Annie." There's another pause, I don't know what to say to her. Annie, it's a nice enough name and she sound sincere.

"How long have I been here?"

"A few days, maybe a week or two. I can't count the days anymore." I swallow and squeeze my eyes shut. They've waited until I responded to fix me up. What if I hadn't responded? "I've been here ever since the Games started."

"I'm sorry," is all I can manage to say.

"I've gotten used to it," she tells me. I wonder how you can get used to a prison. Maybe I, too, can get used to it. "I just cover my ears when the screaming starts." This is when I realize that the faint screams I heard from cells down get closer, that they'll be right next door. "I will when they come for you, too." Reassuring. "They will tomorrow."

"Thanks for the heads up," I mumble.

"It's not so bad," she says. I wonder why she's here. "Once they find out you don't know anything they…" she gets cut off by a sharp screaming from across the hall. Instead of covering my ears I listen intently. I know that noise. That sound. That cry. It's Peeta.

"Katniss!" he's screaming out. Peeta's supposed to be safe. Peeta's supposed to be in District 13. "Let me go!" I leap up from the floor and race across to my door, trying to peer through the small bars that see out into the hallway. "As long as she's alright you can't hurt me!" he's screaming his head off. He won't shut up. But then the words stop and it just goes into a scream. A real scream. A shrill scream that makes me do what Annie said. Cover my ears. I stumble backwards until I collide with the rust of the bed, climbing into a fetal position. I have no pillow, just a mattress. My hands aren't thick enough to block him out.

It feels like hours until he stops but it can't really be that long. I crawl back to my place. "Annie?"

"Peeta's the worst," she whispers with a shaky voice. "He's only been here as long as you. They aren't actually hurting him, though. Not with weapons." I cringe, I know what she means. There's more than one type of torture. The physical, _and_ the emotional. "He needs to be TV ready." There's a pause and I hear her shift. "Do you?" I don't know the answer to that.

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><p>The first night is awful. I can't sleep. I hear Annie laughing sometimes through the wall and it shoots shivers down my spine. There's more screaming down the hall. No one ever gets a break. They shove food to me through a slot in the door but I'm scared to eat it. Annie says it isn't awful but I still won't eat it. It sits in the opposite corner of my room. With all the spare time I let my thoughts wander. They take me back to Gale, back to his warm embrace. He's the only one who's safe now. I think of his scent, the way he'd push a strand of hair behind my ear. Anything that keeps me out of the darkness of this room.<p>

"Who's Gale?" Annie asks the next morning. At least, I think it's morning. It's sometime after I've snapped awake. The sleep I get is infrequent, short little bursts of quiet in the midst of screaming. "You said his name in your sleep."

"My boyfriend," I say back weakly. For all I know the Capitol is still monitoring the cells. In fact, I'm almost 100% sure they are. I have to watch what I say about him.

"Aw," she sighs. I wonder what Annie looks like. If she has ever loved. Ever felt so whole. "Where is he?"

"District 13," I tell her. Of course he's there, where else could he be? He has to be there. That's the only way I'm going to get through this, by believing Gale is in District 13. Safe. Away from the Capitol. "He's going to find me." I can almost feel her nodding through the wall, but she doesn't say anything. It's my mantra. Gale will find me. Gale is safe. This is what I say in my head as the dungeon peacekeepers pull me from my cell down the hall. I do not speak to them, I do not look up. Gale will find me. Gale is safe. They're going to torture me.

The men throw me into a bright white room, it's nearly blinding. I counted cells and it seems to be about where Peeta was yesterday. There are no weapons on the walls, no torture devices. Just a television screen. I stumble on my feet and make myself stand as tall as I possibly can. I glance around the room. "Ms. Undersee, please, have a seat." I glance at the chair in the middle of the room that faces the TV and move to stand next to it. I look around the room to see where the voice came from, but it's empty. "Ms. Undersee," it says in the same robotic voice, "please, have a seat." I timidly walk to the chair and sit cautiously, I have to behave or it will be worse. _Gale will find me, Gale is safe._ The second I sit firmly in the chair metal wires shoot out from the sides, wrapping around my chest, my wrists, confining me to the chair. I yelp in surprise and throw my head back, biting my cheek to keep from talking until I bleed.

I sit there a few moments wondering what will happen. The first day of torture is always the worst. The first day will always be the worst. However, it will prepare me for the days to come. I must stay strong. Stay strong for my mother and everyone who couldn't make it. The door behind me opens again but I can't turn to see who it is. I don't need to turn. I can smell them. "Ms. Undersee, what a shame it is to see you here." President Snow walks around the chair until he's standing in front of me.

"Mr. President," I force out through a strangled voice. He smiles politely at me, I force myself as far backwards as I can go.

"Do you know why you're here, Madge?" I shake my head no. A zap strikes my back. "You will use your voice."

"Yes," I say weakly. The doctor never fixed my ribs. "I do not know why I'm here." Another zap.

"You will not lie."

"I'm not lying," I bite out, another zap. "Stop it!" It's only been three and my visions already going hazy. The pain shoots up my back, down my toes, along my fingers. I flex them to make sure I still have some sort of feeling. "I could be here for… for anything." Another zap. "Maybe," I choke out, "I'm here because your stupid planes shot us out of the sky." Snow grins, and doesn't zap me.

"And where were you going, Ms. Undersee?"

"District 13," I ache, blinking rapidly. They won't take away my sight. I have to stay for this.

"What do you know about District 13?" A few more men enter the room now so I hesitate to answer. I only do so when another zap pricks my skin, sending me into a coughing fit of pain.

"It's underground," I choke. "They weren't actually bombed." Snow rewards me by not pressing the electrical shock again. "They have a president." _Don't tell them anything!_ I hear Bristel yelling at me. "They're better than you."

"Ah, but you don't actually know that," he says gently. He makes a motion with his hand and the other men in the room rush forward, grabbing my arms.

"Stop," I try to push them away but my wrists are restrained, it's no use. What if it's morphling? "Get away!" The needle slips under my skin and an instant pricking shoots through my body. This is not morphling. "Get off of me!" I hiss again, but my body can't combat the men. I'm restrained, my muscles are already twitching. "What…" The TV flickers on in front of me and Snow walks out of the way.

They start simple, the bombing of District 12. They show me my house collapsing, my mother screaming my name. Another shot in the arm and I grunt, trying to force away tears. "You couldn't save her," they tell me. I shake my head, I didn't have a choice. It isn't my fault, she didn't want me to risk it. "You killed her." Again, I shake my head. Whatever they put in my arm is making the room spin. They switch the image to Jace's jewelry shop and it hurts to swallow, the images blurring together. "You broke his heart."

"No!" I shout, "I didn't!"

"And then you let him die."

"I didn't!" I repeat exasperatedly. They continue showing his small brick building, over and over again until the image is imprinted on my head. "Jace," I croak out. "I'm sorry…" But they don't stop. It alternates between my mother and my friend.

"You let them die." I didn't. "You couldn't help them." They can't make me feel guilty! I snap my eyes shut, they can't make me watch, but then the zapping on my back occurs again and they shoot open. "You left them to fend for themselves."

"I had no choice," I croak out. I had no choice, I _have_ no choice. The venom slips up my veins and coils around my heart. I can only wince in pain as my eyelids flicker shut, the sound of my mother screaming is hollow in my ears.

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><p><em>AN: I'd say the chapter speaks for itself. _


	47. Chapter 47

**Disclaimer: It gets a tad confusing toward the end. Read the AN for more of an explanation.**

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><p>I wake up in my cell to Annie laughing through the wall. I cringe, my body is sore. I scan my legs, my arms, no bruises, no welts or cuts. Just a thin hole in the crook of my elbow. Annie's laughs grow in volume and I turn away from her cell. What happened? They showed me… showed me videos. Videos of something. I can't remember what. I press my hands into my eyes and try to think. There was fire, the video was of a fire. That's all I can remember.<p>

"Annie?" I say suddenly. "What do they do to you?"

She laughs again, "They don't do anything to me Madge." My stomach clenches and I roll back away from her cell. I squeeze my eyes shut again, trying to remember what they did. Why can't I remember? Bombing, it was the bombing of 12, that's what they showed me. They showed me my mother and _Jace_. Why would they show me that? My hands travel to my eyes and I press in as hard as I can. I don't want to be here. I want to be out. I want to be in 13 with Gale and Katniss and Haymitch and I don't want a war.

I thought they couldn't break me, but I was wrong. Before I know it I'm crying. I allow myself to give way to the terror that lurks in the hall and wretched sobs wrack my body. I clump my shirt in my fists and use it as a tissue, weeping until I can't breathe and I can't move or see or hear. Only my heart echoes in my ears and even then I can't stop. Choking breaths and a shaking body. I can't do this, I can't be strong. No one allowed me to be strong, how am I supposed to be? They always made me so weak, so innocent. If I had known! If only I had known what they were doing I could have helped! I could have been in 13 with them! I drop my shirt from my hands and it hangs over me, snot and tears in blotches on the fabric. I stand up, my legs shaking, and make my way to the corner of my rusty bed.

I won't forget who I am, where I came from, or what I've seen. I don't care about infection, I don't even care if I die anymore, I dig around until I find a loose spring. I yank it from the bed, and then I drag it across my palm. I clench my teeth when the blood starts to drip, and press back tears when it starts stinging. I have a gentle rhythm now, I carve into my palm as my own reminder that they won't take me. Finally, I look down at my work. Two small initials will carry me through. _GH_.

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><p>The second time they come for me is while I'm asleep. They drag me into the hall and I keep my eyes trained on the ground. "Madge?" my name escapes someone's throat and I snap my eyes upward.<p>

"Peeta!" I cheer before I can stop myself. I manage to get out of the men's arms and I throw myself on to him. "Oh, Peeta!" He squeezes me back despite the peacekeepers trying to tear us apart. When they finally have us off of each other I analyze his condition. He looks, healthy. He looks clean and healthy and… camera ready. They're taking him to an interview. "Fight for Katniss," I tell him. They're pushing me down the hallway again.

"Fight for yourself!" he screams back at me. "Don't let them…" and his voice is cut off by the sharp slamming of a door. I clench my fists as I'm manhandled, tossed into the same white room they locked me in yesterday. I feel my chin quivering and my thumb rubs across the scar in my palm.

"Ms. Undersee," it's the same robotic female voice from yesterday. My skin instantly fleshes in goosebumps. "Please have a seat." I stare at the chair and at the television. Whatever they did to me yesterday they're going to do it again today. The fear that is associated with this room almost makes me wish they would just tie me up and electrocute me rather than force me to watch the painful replays of the people I couldn't save. I'd rather be beaten and bruised instead of driven insane with grief and guilt.

"What if I don't?" I ask through a shaking voice. Of course, my little bit of resistance will be squashed and forgotten.

"Ms. Undersee," the voice repeats. "Please have a seat." I make my way over to the chair and stare down at it. Is this the seat Peeta sat in? "Ms. Undersee,"

"Alright!" I scream, throwing my hands up. The voice gives me the chills. I sit back gently, resting my arms where I know the bars will slide across. I know it's coming this time and it doesn't hurt as much. A table mechanically lifts from the floor, and then a man comes out with a chair and sits across from me. I study his face but I haven't encountered this man before. He's thin, his face is hollow. He's got a scar that goes from his cheek to his jaw and he's missing his left ear lobe.

"Hello, Madge," he says. I don't respond. "I just have a few questions for you." Again, I don't respond. What does he want me to say? Nice to meet you! Let's talk about how you'll torture me today! "What were you shown yesterday?"

"The bombing of District 12," I reply. "My house collapsing, as well as the jewelers." My voice cracks as I say jewelers. I think back to Jace's bright green eyes, how he never had a chance to escape. He was just against the Capitol as anyone had been, he would have made a good soldier. I didn't even get to warn him. To say goodbye. "And they shot something in my arm." I'm leaning towards tracker jacker venom, but then they would have altered my memories instead of just showing me the old ones. My mother told me about it once, how the Capitol would hijack people to make their memories different.

"What did they shoot in your arm?" his voice is deep and playful. It makes me sick.

"How would I know?" I snap back. A shot of electricity travels up my back and I realize the contraption he has in his hand. It'll control the chair. "I don't know," I force out, wiggling my fingers to make sure they still work. The zapping makes my muscles sore and my head ache. Maybe it's because I haven't eaten anything.

"Would you like to?" his voice is taunting and I rest my head backwards on the chair. Would I? I jerk my head into a yes, I'd like to know how they're torturing me. How I can plan to survive this. "It's an experimental drug." My eyes snap open and lock with his. Darker than night, soulless. "It works much like tracker jacker venom, but it performs different actions. Of course, we're using tracker jacker venom as well, but that's not the point."

"Like what?" I ask quickly, disregarding his last comment. "What does it do?" Why would they use an experimental drug on me? It doesn't make sense, there are hundreds of prisoners they could test it on. I'm nothing more than a test subject. "Why are you using it on me?"

"Well we can't use it on Mellark," he tells me. "And it wouldn't be very fun to use it on unimportant people." I nearly laugh. "You're very important to the cause. Peeta, he's the main one, but with you we can affect half of the Mockingjay's crew. The famous mentor," I swallow sharply, Haymitch. "The best friend," my heart drops, Gale. "And most importantly, the Mockingjay herself." Katniss. "The thing is, Madge, everyone thinks that you're dead." I swallow again and force a nod. "But you're not. Are you?"

"No," I shake my head, "not yet."

He laughs, "And not any time soon. You and Peeta, you're the important ones. We have plans for you."

"Why are you telling me this?" I croak, my eyes falling shut again. "I don't understand."

"Because you won't remember this conversation tomorrow," he tells me. "Or the next day, or the day after that." Again my eyes are open and I'm watching him. "And you won't remember the bombing of 12, and you won't remember all the people you held near and dear to you." I try sitting up straighter but I'm locked in. My eyes lock with his and he smiles. "The Hawthorne boy, your parents, even Peeta or the girl you came here with, Bristel."

I shake my head, "You can't break me."

"I don't have to, the drug will." And then as if on cue, two more men in black enter the room. One has a needle filled with green, the other with white. Each take an arm. One's tracker jacker venom. One's the new drug. "You'll wake up every morning wondering why you're here. You'll go to bed without even a memory of a happier time to comfort you."

"No," I shout, trying to wrestle my arms free. "You can't do that!"

"You're of no use to us, you only know as much as Bristel does."

"No," I say again. They're taking the only thing I have to hold on to. They're taking my past, they're taking my security. They're using the venom to alter my past, make me feel guilty, and then they're erasing the scene completely from my brain. If I were to remember anything it would be the altered memories, not the real ones. "What if it doesn't work!" I yell as the man scoots out of his chair and starts toward the door. "The drug, what if it doesn't work?"

He smiles, I can already feel myself drifting again. "Like I said, everyone already thinks that you're dead." And then he's gone. The table mechanically sinks back into the ground and the men with the needles are gone. The bombing is back on the screen and I shake my head. My mother screaming. _This is your fault_, they tell me. Jace's shop. _You broke his heart_. Gale running out of the district. _He didn't save you. He wouldn't._

"No!" I'm screaming. "_Please!_ You can't do this to me!" I try to get the bars off of my arms but they won't budge. "Please!" I say again. "_Please_," my voice is but a whimper. They can't take all of me, I trace the carving inside my palm. They won't take all of me. Gale loves me, whatever they say is a lie. It's a lie, it's wrong, it's a lie. The intermingling liquids choke my veins and my mind goes hazy as I hear _he left you all alone_.

* * *

><p>My eyes snap open and I'm in my cell again. It takes a moment for the haze to dissolve and the darkness to intrude again. I hear Annie giggling through the wall. My mind is empty, what happened?<p>

"Annie?" I push myself from my bed slowly and make toward the crack in my wall. "Annie, stop laughing," I scold her. Her giggles stop and I hear her shift over to the wall. "Are you there?"

"You don't scream very much when they take you," she tells me, and then she's laughing again.

"Annie!" I nearly yell. I don't need her going crazy on me. I rub at my face and groan, my muscles are sore and it hurts to move. I know they didn't use weapons on me though, I don't have any bruising. I almost wish I did. "They're doing something to me," I tell her through a hoarse voice. "I don't know what, but, but I keep forgetting what they do to me in that room." I almost think she's going to laugh again but she doesn't. "I can't remember anything they did to me." And I'm terrified. What if they're touching me wrongly? What if they're slowly cutting out my brain cells or my tongue?

"Think back to when they took you out of your cell," she says gently. "What happened next?"

I squeeze my eyes shut and press on my temples. "I saw Peeta in the hall, I think he was going to an interview."

"Yes," Annie nods. "Peeta went to an interview yesterday. He called for a ceasefire." A laugh almost bubbles out of me, like that would ever happen. They must have implanted that idea in his brain, he'd never say something like that. Must still be protecting Katniss. "What next?"

"They…" what next? "They threw me into a white room again. The same one like before." She doesn't say anything else so I suspect she wants me to carry on. "I sat in a chair and a man in black came out…" I trail off, the rest of it is hazy. I remember getting zapped but only once, I remember men with needles, I think. I'm not even sure. "I don't know."

"Well what do you know?" she asks. I know that I'm a prisoner. I know my family is dead. I know Gale is in District 13 with Katniss and Haymitch. I know I'm being tortured. "They're trying to take you away from your past."

"They can't do that," I say simply. "How could they do that?" I squint and rub at my face, a strange texture catches me off guard. I snap my hand away and look at the carvings in my hand. "Why do I have Gale's initials carved in my hand?" I ask quietly. It's sloppy work, the Capitol didn't do this to me. I must've done it to myself. I sit back against the wall and push my face against the cool cement now that I'm suddenly hot.

"You don't want to forget him," Annie replies just as quietly. "So don't."

And I don't know what she means, but I nod. Even though she can't see me. And then she starts laughing again and I have to pull myself over to the toilet in the corner to I can vomit. Bile trickles up my throat and I clench the porcelain with sweaty, shaking hands. After that I crawl back toward my bed and curl into a ball, squeezing my hand as tight as I can. Gale smells like smoke. Gale's favorite color is blue. Gale likes to sleep closer to the wall. Eventually, I drift off.

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><p>The next day I'm taken again to the small room. This time they make me eat before they inject me, considering I haven't eaten anything since I've gotten here. My body is weak but they force biscuits and hot soup down my throat. It burns away my taste buds and I end up nearly choking. They don't wait to start the televisions today. What I'm shown shocks me.<p>

My house collapsing, the jewelry shop collapsing. "What is this?" I scream, looking around the room. My district is being bombed. "What is this!" I scream again, but no one answers me. Why is my district being bombed? "No," I shake my head, trying to force the bars off of me. "When was this? Why is this…" I trail off as two men enter the room. Like clockwork, they inject me with needles. "What is this?" I ask them weakly. "Why is my district…" but they don't answer me, they leave and shut the doors. My chin quivers and tears well up in my eyes. When was the district bombed? I was just there…

The image changes to the 75th Hunger Games, the Quell. Katniss shoots an arrow into the force field around the arena and it collapses, my vision starts going hazy again. They do this with the rest of the Games, the 74th and 75th, but don't spend much time on it. As I lay in bed at night I think of what I can remember from those Games and it's a very slim picking. Katniss jumping over a burning log or Peeta stuck on his plate around the water. Annie quizzes me on what they do to me but all I ever remember is a white room, two men with needles.

Eventually the clips they show me start to get more personal. It appears Grash was right, the Capitol had been watching District 12 for years. Especially my house. They show me playing the piano in my own living room. Not only does it give me chills but it makes me miss my parents. I wonder where they are now. Hopefully not in this prison like I am. Maybe they're looking for me. I miss playing the piano too, the way my fingers would dance across the keys and calm me.

Not only that but they show me bonding with Kasen. I miss him too, the way we would sit on the couch and laugh with one another over unimportant things. It makes me nervous that they have these videos, these pieces of my past. I wish they would let me watch without injecting me with whatever is in the needle. Hazy, all my memories go hazy. Teaching Prim the piano, it's enveloped in a cloud of smoke. Jace spinning me around after Katniss and Peeta won, submerged in water. All my memories are getting harder and harder to reach. Peeta, gone. Jace, gone. My parents, gone. Bristel, Kasen, Prim, Rory, gone.

Finally, they get to Gale. They show me his whipping in full detail and I have to swallow the bile that slithers up my throat. They show me him kissing Katniss and tell me that he was only using me. I scream and I try forcing the bars off me but they won't budge. Kisses, so many kisses in the meadow we thought was hidden. _He never loved you. He was using you_. I scream until my voice is raw. I'm sure Annie doesn't appreciate it. The explosion of the mines, our late night adventures against the side of my house. Gale and I cuddled on my living room couch, I sigh in relief when I figure out they only had my house bugged and not his. Much more happened at his house than at mine.

But they always tell me the same thing. _He loves Katniss. You were his fallback. He used you. He doesn't love you. He won't come for you. He thinks you're dead_. Eventually, I start to believe it. But then, there's nothing to believe anymore. The memories are distant, no longer in my thoughts. Like I never had them at all.

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><p>I wake up in my cell day after day clinging to whatever I can. Annie tells me that they're taking my memories away and that I have to hold on to them, but I don't know what I'm supposed to be holding on to. She tells me of a boy named Gale, that I whisper his name in my sleep. I can't put the name to a face, but the <em>GH<em> I have carved on my hand makes me think she's telling the truth. Sometimes I wake up and the room smells like smoke, Annie tells me I said he smelled like that. But eventually, that too fades.

And finally the day comes in which I lay alone on my mattress. The voice is gentle enough, but it beckons me. "Madge?" I shift, but don't stir. You're not supposed to talk to voices in your head. "Madge, are you awake?"

"Who's there?" I ask weakly. Everything feels foggy to me, like nothing's actually happening and yet at the same time everything is. The door to my room isn't opened and yet I hear a voice.

"It's me," the voice says. I follow it until I reach a crack in the wall. How long has that been there? "Madge, are you alright?"

"Who's me?" I ask, lowering myself to the floor. Must be the voices in my head. I thought they had stopped.

"Madge, it's me. It's me, Annie. Are you okay? What did they do to you?"

I think for a moment, but I don't remember what they did to me. "I don't know," I say back. "Who are you, again?"

"Annie," she tells me. "We've been cell mates for months." Months? I've been in here for months?

"I'm sorry," I say quietly, "but I don't know an Annie."

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><p><em>AN: So there you have it. They're using an experimental drug on Madge that morphs her memories and basically wipes them from her brain. They start with more recent things like the bombing, so when she saw it again she was confused as to what was happening because the drug had already taken it from her memory. She doesn't know her parents are dead because now in her head, the bombing hasn't happened. This chapter was meant to show how slowly she's forgetting everything they show her, and that, is well, everything. Madge is sort of living on thoughts of wispy smoke and hazy ideas for freedom. She just wants to get out but doesn't know anyone or anything and that's where the problem arises. This was done to her so when they break in for Peeta and get Madge too, it's mean to like, break down Team Mockingjay. With them emotionally unstable about their loved ones it's meant to wear them down and make them weak and yeah. Does this make sense at all or am I rambling about nothing? Escape shall be next chapter. I wonder what happens when Madge and Gale reunite ~ Hope it made sense! _


	48. Chapter 48

**Disclaimer: You are all needy omg.**

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><p>The images that dance across the screen don't mean anything to me anymore. I don't know the people, besides myself, even though I find it hard to believe that's even me. My hair in the videos is shining, bright and clean. I have clear skin, I'm smiling. I don't remember the last time I smiled, the last time I ran my fingers through my hair and didn't feel grease. My skin is pale and lifeless now. I'm doubting the person in the video is Madge Undersee. Or maybe I'm the one who isn't Madge Undersee. I can't tell the difference anymore. Today I'm being shown two people walking down a street side by side. A boy with bright green eyes who stands very close to the person who might be me. They say it's me.<p>

"Where do we stand?" the boy in the video asks.

The other me answers, "Outside my house." At least I used to have a sense of humor. I don't remember the last time I laughed. The urge to laugh bubbles up inside me right_ now_ but I squash it. Compare it with the girl in the cell next to me who does nothing but, I'd prefer to stay monotonous. I think laughter leads to becoming crazy. The two strangers continue to talk until he gently kisses her. Me. Whatever. I want to reach for my own lips, see if I feel the remnants of a boy I don't even remember, but my arms are barred in. I doubt I'd be able to remember him anyway. I don't know his name, and although his eyes are bright and green, I can't place them. The venom in my bloodstream is starting to strangle me again and I start to slip, but I hear something out in the hallway. People are shouting, there's gunfire. The sound is so unfamiliar in the prison where guns aren't used that it causes my eyes to stay opened. I crane my neck to look behind me but it's strapped in and I can't get too good of a view. I know this isn't a prison uprising, no one in the prison is strong enough to do that, we're all too closed off to barely communicate. Someone must be breaking people out.

So I do the only thing I can think of. I scream. I shake against the bars and I scream until my throat feels like it's going to bleed and my wrists are bleeding with the pressure I put on them. And eventually, my door is opened. A man with incredible bright blue eyes rushes in, glancing at the trauma behind him. He looks at me then turns behind him, shouting orders to someone in the hall, "Get Cresta, Hawthorne went for Mellark!" His feet pound into the room and he presses something near the door that lets the bars holding me tight go free. "You're okay," he rushes toward me, helping me up. "Are you alright?"

"The drug," I say, my legs wobbly beneath me. "Hard to walk…" he nods and wraps his arm around my lower back so I can keep balance. This is the first person I've seen that doesn't work for the Capitol in what feels like years. It might be years. I have no idea how long I've been here. I don't even know _why _I'm here, no one answers my questions anymore. But he's being kind, and he's helping me, and I might owe my life to him.

"Stay with me." I nod and we lumber down the hall slowly. He's constantly looking around for oncoming danger but there seems to be none. His gun is aimed and ready to fire, just in case. "Anyone of utmost importance?" he asks in a hushed voice. I remember the girl in the cell next to me and I point but he shakes his head. "We got her. Anyone else from your district? Any friends?" I squeeze my eyes shut and think back to the first day I was here, a girl in a cell a little farther down. I can't remember her name or why she's important, but I remember her screaming for me from her cell. I gesture to the cell and the man nods, rushing forward and getting it opened easily. Why is this so easy? I readjust my grip on him as my legs start shaking.

A timid, fragile looking girl emerges, her skin as pale as someone her color can go. "Madge?" she asks weakly, charging toward me. Her body is covered in welts and bruises, her eyes are hollow. She squeezes me tightly but I don't know her. She's too excited to see me for me to say anything, I'm too nervous we're going to get caught. "I'm Bristel," she says to the man. "I was part of District 12's escape plan with Grash and the other rebels." The man nods as if he knows what she's talking about, and then again we're charging forward. I'm so confused, but we're getting out. We're getting out! Maybe I can _finally_ get some answers!

"Part of the hovercraft that went down?" he asks through a curious voice, throwing another glance over his shoulder. The girl named Bristel nods. "I'm Boggs. District 13."

"Boggs," she repeats. The venom is coiling around my brain and my legs start giving out. I wonder if I only imagined him say District 13. I mean, it was bombed years ago. The wreckage still smokes. District 13 isn't real. I try keeping my eyes open and my legs sturdy but nothing's working. This is where I fail. I'm going to be stuck here and these people, these strangers are just going to leave me. "Madge, you need to walk." Boggs shakes his head and reaches around for something on his back.

"I'll carry her," he says, and then there's a mask over my face. Instantly, a gas lulls me into a deep sleep, my limbs giving out.

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><p>"Madge Undersee?" my name is a question, but it's not to me. I don't even think I'm awake yet. "Everyone thought she was dead…" I drift in and out of sleep. "…he's in the other hovercraft, they had to go farther in the prisons to get Mellark and Mason…" I can't will my eyes open.<p>

"…he'll be excited to see her again." That's the voice of the girl Bristel. That means the other voice must belong to Boggs. "And her, him." There's a soft humming in the background which must mean I'm on board something that's flying. Every time I go to open my eyes it hurts so I snap them shut again. Where am I?

"Haymitch said something about her…" I want to talk to them. I want to know what's going on but they keep giving me that stupid gas like I'm still a prisoner. If what I think actually happened then I'm not in the prisons anymore, I'm free! So treat me like a person, please! Again, sleep takes me over.

When I stir again there's a bustle around me. Everyone's moving frantically and I hear a familiar voice off in the distance. "Finnick!" it cries, "Finnick!" I think it's the girl that had a cell next to mine, but I can't open my eyes to check. I hear the twirl of a curtain and I know that I'm being sectioned off from everyone else.

"We got them all out," the man Boggs is speaking again. He's outside my curtain, of course, but his voice carries over. "Except Enobaria, but she since she's from Two we doubt she's being held anyway. Peeta's at the end of the hall." The name Peeta rings a bell. "The effects of the gas are just wearing off. You should be there when he wakes."

"Go on then," another man says, and then footsteps pound off down the hall. Again, the voice is familiar, but I can't place it. I wonder if they gassed everyone they took from the prisons, maybe only the people who couldn't walk like me. They said the effects of the gas on Peeta were just wearing off too, so maybe it was just easier to get us out that way.

"Haymitch," Boggs's voice is heavy and he pulls him aside. "We got two more people out that weren't on our list." I think I might still be dreaming. My eyelids are heavy and everything is amplified. The scent of the room, the words being spoken. "People from 12."

There's a pause and I crane my head to hear them. "Who?"

"Bristel Clearwater and Madge Undersee." That's me. I'm Madge Undersee. I think. "Bristel's in the other room getting some of her wounds cleaned up. Madge is right…" I think he gestures to where I am because my curtains are suddenly being pulled. The bright light from the main room invades and it makes me squeeze my eyes shut tighter until the curtain is drawn shut again.

"Madge," the man named Haymitch sits on the edge of my bed and rests his hand on my leg. "Sweet heavens," his voice is astonished, and slowly I blink my eyes open. "Not a scratch on her." I force my eyes to stay peeled and I look at the man on the edge of the bed. His eyes widen in amazement and his chin starts to quiver. "Hey, sweetheart." I force myself up on my hands as the haziness dissolves from my eyes. I study the man in front of me, aged, tired, light gray eyes. His presence seems familiar but I can't place him. "Madge," he says again. I blink a few times, trying to place him. I can't place him. His eyebrows furrow. "What's wrong with her?" he snaps to Boggs who has peered past the curtain.

I look toward Boggs who looks at me with worried eyes. "When I found her she was…" he trails off as a scream echoes from down the hall. I snap my head to the source of the noise but then someone's suddenly lowering a gas mask over me again, it's Haymitch, his eyes are terrified. And then he leaps from the bed as I slip back to sleep.

* * *

><p>Again I'm laying in bed, my eyes wanting to open again yet can't. I think I've been moved but I can't tell, because I won't open my eyes. I'm tired of being drugged. I have enough drugs in me to sustain the population of Panem. I just want to sleep and not have to deal with drugs or gas or anything like that. "…because she's alive." Haymitch's voice is the one I hear again. It's pained and stressed but it's clear as day.<p>

"What do you mean she's alive?" a voice snaps at him. Angry. Betrayed. I keep my eyes shut and curl further into a ball. My body aches, but I'm not in the Capitol anymore. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not in the Capitol. I'm no longer in a gray prison uniform, but in a hospital gown. I'm safe, no matter where I am. Although no one's told me where that is, exactly. "I watched her _house_ collapse!" Whose house?

"I've seen her," Haymitch growls.

"Well where is she!" the other voice screams.

"Calm down, Hawthorne, you'll wake the entire hospital wing!" Curtains start being shoved out of the way and I hear nurses gasping and angrily pushing him away. "You have to understand, the Capitol did something to her and,"

"I don't _care_!" his voice booms back. "Don't you understand? I thought she was _dead!_ I don't _care _what they did to her!" I get the feeling that they're talking about me and I curl tighter into a ball. "Madge!" he starts shouting. "Madge!" My eyes snap open and I force myself on to my hands. "Where _is_ she?" My curtain is yanked open and the boy in question makes instant eye contact with me. Deep gray, a mix of brown. He's tall, squared shoulders, and a look of determination to him. But it all fades once he sees me. "Madge," his voice gives out and he reaches for me, his eyes melting and his rigidness evaporating. Out of instinct I pull my hand back, but he doesn't seem to notice, it's like he's in a trance just by seeing me. "I thought you were," he shakes his head moving closer, his eyes welling with tears I know he won't let fall, his voice cracking.

"She's like Peeta," Haymitch is quick, slamming his arm on the shoulder of the boy in front of me and pulling him backwards. He retains his unblinking gaze, his eyes traveling to my wrists, my neck, up my face. "Gale, she's like Peeta."

"No she's not," he says gently, walking toward me again. I force myself backwards on the bed until I'm as far away from him as I can get. Why is he coming so close to me? "She… Madge," again he reaches for me and I shove his hand away. "Madge… it's me," his voice cracks again as he drops his hand. "Madge," his eyes turn sharp and angry. "What's wrong with her?"

"Soldier Hawthorne," Boggs is back and attempts to pull him away but he shoves him off. "The Capitol has their own definition of torture…"

"Stop talking about her like she isn't here," Haymitch growls, striding toward me. "Say something," he says to me, practically begging me. "Anything. What's your name?"

"M-Madge," I choke out quickly. The boy Haymitch called Gale runs his hand through his hair and paces the length of the room. "What's going on? Where am I?" All of the men exchange a glance and I pull on the tips of my hair. "You're not going to hurt me, a-are you?" I hate how weak I sound but I don't care. If they're going to torture me like in the prisons I'll need to make a break for it now.

"Madge," Gale leans toward me again, but Haymitch pulls him back.

"What's going on?" I ask again, my voice dripping in terror. "Someone tell me!" I shout, balling my hands into fists and glaring at all of them. "Who are you?"

"What does she mean?" Gale jabs a finger at Haymitch. "Why doesn't she know who I am!" His voice is edging on hysteria, and when he doesn't get an answer fast enough he storms out of the room, throwing his hands in the air with an angry grunt. Boggs follows quickly after him, and then it's just me and Haymitch.

"I don't understand," I say quietly.

Haymitch nods slowly, unsure of how to continue. "Yeah, me neither." I study his face, try to read him, and he's being honest. "Why can't you remember us?" he asks himself, more than me. "Those fucking…" he trails off, reaching for the curtain and ripping it down angrily. I scoot back in my bed again and swallow. "Do you know anything?" he turns to me. "Did they…" he trails off. "Can you tell me anything?"

"Can I trust you?" I reply weakly. He drops to his knees by the side of my bed and grabs my hand.

"_Yes_," he's begging me now. "You can tell me anything. We won't hurt you here." The honesty in his voice is what gets me to cave. I tell this man, this stranger everything that happened to me. Everything I can remember, that is. The white room, the television screen, the two needles. I even show him the puncture holes. "What's that on your hand?" he reaches for it gently, turning it over in his own. I see the initials _GH_ and I shrug.

"I don't know, it's been there as long as I can remember." Haymitch drops my hand and rubs at his face, running his hand through his hair with a sigh. "What did they do to me?" I ask weakly. I'm not sure I even want to know. "How do you know me?" I want answers. All I want is answers.

He pushes himself away from the bed. Under his breath I hear him say, "I'm your Godfather."

* * *

><p>The doctors move me to a more secluded room, one with a door and everything. There's a wall that I know is made of one way glass, I know there's people watching me. They sent in doctors to check my eyes and my vital organs, then they gave me something to flush the last of a drug out of my bloodstream. Every time I try to sleep I remember there're people watching me and I can't. There's that, as well as the combination of screaming that carried over from the prisons in my head. No matter what I can't drown it out. I swear I even hear my cell mate laughing despite her not being here.<p>

Finally, after what feels like ages, the man named Boggs walks back in. "Don't you have more important things to be doing?" I ask under my breath, crossing my arms. I lean back against the bed post as he sits in a chair so he can study me. I wish I had more blankets, I'm cold and could use it to cover up. I feel exposed.

He smirks, "You are the important thing right now. Not much I can do for Peeta, but you haven't tried to kill anyone." I narrow my eyes, considering I don't know what he means, but I don't say anything. "Yet. That being said, hello Madge. Do you remember me?"

"You're the one that rescued me," I say weakly. "Boggs." He nods, a short smile on his face. "Did you get out the girl who was next to me?"

"Annie Cresta?" _Annie_. Sounds familiar.

"I don't know?"

"Well, yes, we got Annie out." He watches me for a moment and then says, "We can have her talk to you later if you'd like." I nod and he pulls out a notepad, penciling something in. "Alright, is it okay if I ask you a few questions?" I bite my lip and he adds, "You don't have to answer them if you don't like. We can always skip some and come back or you can just,"

"Just ask them," I say eventually.

"Alright, do you know your name?"

"Madge Undersee," I say quietly. "Right?"

He laughs, "Yes." He looks toward the wall and my suspicion is confirmed of it being one way glass. "How old are you?"

I'm reluctant to answer, "Seventeen."

"Good. You were being held in the prisons at the Capitol. Do you know why?" I shake my head. "You don't?" Again, I shake my head. "Hm," his eyebrows narrow in concentration. "It appears they were injecting you with a test drug, did you know that?" I shake my head again. I knew I was being injected with something, with a drug, but I didn't know it was a test drug. "You didn't…" I drop my gaze to the ground.

"I don't know anything," I say honestly.

"What _do_ you know?"

I look down at my palm and raise it up for him. "I know this has been here for as long as I can remember." His eyes study the cut and again, his eyebrows furrow. I pull it away and trace the curve with my opposite hand. "But I don't know what it means. And I know the girl in the cell next to me liked to laugh, but I don't know her name. Annie, I guess that's what you said. I know the peacekeepers injected something into me every day after forcing me to eat, but I don't know what was in the needles." I hesitate for the next one. "I know they showed me videos, but I don't know of what. The only person I could ever recognize was myself and even then…" the door slams open and in stalks Haymitch.

"That's enough," he tells Boggs, looking at me.

"And I know you're watching me!" I shout as they go to shut the door. "And I don't like it! I'm not crazy!"

"I know, sweetheart," Haymitch says. I slink back on my bed. "It's for the best right now."

"I just want to go home," I say weakly. "Are my parents here? Anyone? I just want to know what's going on." I hear my voice crack and cringe at how hopeless I sound. "And I just want, for once in what feels like forever, to sleep without someone staring at me." I rub at my face and lift my legs up to my bed as well, slinking back into the corner. "I just want to know…" and then they shut my door again. "I'm not crazy…" I don't even try to stop the tears.

* * *

><p>Sometime after I've fallen asleep I hear my door open. I think nothing of it, considering if they're going to use me for torture they'll just yell at me and get me to walk on my own. That's how it was in the prisons. I'd pretend to be asleep so it would take longer to get to the torture chamber. But whoever walks in my room doesn't yell at me, they lift my right hand and slide something on my finger. Moments later my face is cupped, hair pushed out of the way, and they sigh. They don't say anything, but then they're gone. Sleep is stronger than curiosity, and so I let it take me.<p>

When I wake, however, I feel the ring on my finger. I lift my hand up but my vision is still muddled with haze. Eventually, that fades, and I see a silver ring. No gem, just a small inscription. _Liberum Semel._ I take it off and bring it closer to my eyes, studying the words. I know what it means. It means free once more. It means _free once more_. "Haymitch?" I ask in a whisper, looking up toward the wall. Haymitch gave this to me. I know he did. "Haymitch!" I scream, and moments later my door is opened, the man himself walking in.

I don't hesitate to push myself from the bed, running full speed at him. "Hey, sweetheart," he says through a strangled voice. His eyes are wet and he wraps me in his arms.

"What's happening to me?" I ask as his arms pull tighter. His scent of white liquor is gone, replaced by a faint odor of wires and plastic. That's all I can conjure of him. The memory of this ring and his scent of white liquor. Nothing more, nothing less.

"I don't know," he shakes his head. "But we'll figure it out." I nod as again his arms tighten. "I had no idea you were in there," he says weakly. "If I had known I would've sent in people ages ago…"

"I'm so confused," I whimper. "What did they do to me? Why can't I remember you?" I pull away and rub at my face, my eyes, my chin is quivering. "Don't leave me in here." I don't know how I know him, but I do. And I trust him. And it's this ring that gets me to understand that.

"I won't," he grabs my wrist and pulls me from the room. On the outside is a group of doctors, people shouting questions at me.

"What caused you to remember Haymitch?"

"Do you know someone named Katniss Everdeen?"

"Don't you know your parents are dead?"

"Stop!" Haymitch barks at then, protectively shoving me behind him. Earlier he told me he was my Godfather, is that true? And what do they mean my parents are dead, they're back in District 12. "You leave her be." Someone steps forward but he steps back. "She moves in with me," he tells them. "She isn't treated like Peeta because she's not Peeta. They did something different to her, understand?" I can feel the people near him shifting, maybe nodding their heads. "Good." He starts pulling me away from everyone and I turn the corner, running smack into someone.

"Oh, sorry," I say quietly.

"Madge?" the girl reaches out to steady me. "What are…" her eyes switch to Haymitch but then back to me. "Madge!" Her arms instantly wrap around me. "I thought you were…" she trails off as Haymitch pulls her off of me. "Haymitch," she grumbles, balling her hands into fists.

"You don't understand, sweetheart," he tells her. "She's like Peeta." The girl widens her eyes and takes a step back, reaching for her throat. "Not as bad, but like him all the same."

"Why didn't anyone tell me she was here?" her voice comes out harsh and angry. Betrayed, like the boy Gale's was earlier. As if I'm a secret that no one wanted to share.

"After Peeta we didn't want to get your hopes up," he says calmly. "She can't remember a lot, it's something the Capitol did to her, it's…"

"Madge, you remember me," she turns back to me, "don't you?" I study her face, her deep grey eyes, the braid that trails down her shoulder. I timidly shake my head and her face caves. "It's me," she grabs my face and I take a step back. "Madge, it's me, Katniss!" Her voice is angry, desperate, and I try to figure her out but I can't. Again, I shake my head, and she steps back. Her chin starts to quiver and her eyes go wide, and then she rushes away from us.

Haymitch sighs and watches her go without any effort to stop her. "I don't understand," I say again, reaching up and pressing my hands to my temples. "Everyone… everyone knows me but I don't know any of you." Haymitch looks at me and frowns, starting to walk again. "Even you," I say weakly. "I know I know you but I don't know how." My voice shakes and he pauses in his step. "But I know I trust you. That's a start, right?"

He nods, "Right." And then he's walking again. "Don't worry, we'll get you to remember. You just have to trust me."

"I do," I say. "I'll do anything, I just want to know. I want to…" dare I say it? "I just want to remember." Remember all I've forgotten. Remember the people who remember me.

"You will," Haymitch tells me. "I'm gonna make sure. I'll start slow, okay? We'll start slow, I'll just remind you of some things. Maybe try to refresh your memory." I nod and swallow, pulling on the tips of my hair. "I'm not going to give up until you remember everything. But you have to promise me you'll try. Swear?"

"I swear," I'm nodding profusely. "I'll do anything."

* * *

><p><em>AN: And anything, she does. Any questions, lemme know. x_


	49. Chapter 49

**Disclaimer: Hey.**

* * *

><p>After I've bathed and changed out of my hospital robes, Haymitch starts telling me things. He tells me about the war that's going on, the war between the Capitol and the districts. It takes me awhile but I finally start to believe him. When he tells me we're in District 13 I call him crazy, but he walks me around and shows me all the things. I ask him if he has other things to be doing, and he says yes but they don't matter. I must have been very important to him, must still be. Finally he tells me about the bombing of 12, and I call him a liar. I hit him and scream at him in the middle of the hallway and pound on his chest, but there are videos, and my tears dry, and I know he's telling the truth. The day passes slowly and painfully and there's still a dull flame burning inside me that wants to believe my parents are alive. But I know, because of the ring I wear on my right hand, that I trust Haymitch, and that he wouldn't lie to me. He tells me they might take me to District 12 just to prove it but I'm not sure I could stomach it.<p>

"They want you to talk to Peeta," he tells me later once I've stopped crying. "You and Peeta were friends."

"But I don't know him," I shake my head. They want one Capitol tortured person to talk to another, it won't work.

"But he knows you. Madge, no one knows where to start with you. No one. What the Capitol did to you, erasing your memories completely, we think it's a lot harder to fix than Peeta's hijacking." They told me about Peeta, how he's a lot like me, how he doesn't remember things correctly anymore. They want _me_ to fix him? Ha. "Plutarch thinks maybe you can trigger some memories for him, and maybe he can trigger some for you. If you're up for it, that is."

"I don't want to sit around here and be useless," I tell him. And I don't, if my parents are dead like they told me… if I really am as important as they're letting on, I have to help. I have to do something. Everyone I pass in the halls looks at me like I'm psycho. Maybe I am. Haymitch tells me I'm not. Everything's confusing, everything. I can't think straight, there's a whole bunch of contrasting views being thrown at me. At least twice I have to stop and lean against the wall to take a deep breath, to process everything. The things they're telling me, it's all I can hold on to. I don't remember anything else, anything but the present. I have to hold on to it. Other than being looked at like I'm crazy, they look at me like they pity me. I'm starting to pity myself.

"Madge?" Haymitch has walked me to the hospital wing where Peeta sits behind a wall like the one I was in yesterday. "Is that you?" I look up and meet the dark green eyes of a thin woman. "Of course it is," she lurches forward and hugs me quickly, only to pull away just as fast. She must know I'm not a fan of being touched. Not as of recent, anyway. "I'm Annie."

"Annie," a man says from behind her. "I've already told you that Madge…" he trails off and looks at me. His hair is bronze colored, his body is defined as though he's athletic but right now he looks weak. I don't mention that.

"I know she doesn't remember me," Annie waves him off quietly. I watch their back and forth, the way his hand reaches for hers and interlocks ever so gently. "We were cell mates."

"You liked to laugh," I say quietly, thinking back to the days I spent staring at the cement ceiling. "You're Annie Cresta." She nods and smiles tightly. "You never told me that." I had seen her in the Games, she went insane when her district partner was beheaded. Yes, I know her, I had seen her before. Before the Capitol took me. She was on my TV. She was my cell mate? Her voice is familiar.

"Must've slipped my mind," and then she reaches over and grabs my hand while keeping the other locked with the boy. She studies the carvings. "Have you found your boyfriend?" I stare at her for a moment, my eyes narrowing. "I guess not."

"Annie," the boy behind her is gentle, tugging her back a bit. I think I've seen him before on my TV too, but I say nothing.

"It's alright, Finnick," Haymitch says to him. The boy named Finnick furrows his brows and watches. Yes, I've definitely seen him on the TV.

"I don't have a boyfriend," I tell her reluctantly. The only boy I know is Haymitch, and he's not much of a boy anymore. Oh, and Peeta, but only because they're making me talk to him.

She smiles, "His name's Gale." I think back to the boy who ran into my room, who kept reaching for me. "You told me he smells like smoke." And then she giggles and drops my hand. "You love him. You'll see." And then she's gone, pulling Finnick along with her.

I turn to Haymitch who keeps his gaze on the ground. "Haymitch," I grab his arm. "What did she mean? Did I have a boyfriend?"

"Later, sweetheart," he sighs exasperatedly. He starts pulling me again but I stop him. "Undersee we're going to be late, Katniss is already there." He turns to me, dropping his arms and showing his palms. "Yes, you have a boyfriend. Had, whatever." I search his eyes angrily and he sighs again. "What do you want to know?"

"She said his name was Gale," again he sighs. "Stop sighing." Now he smirks. "He's not… he's not the boy from yesterday, is he? The one that came to my hospital room?"

"None other than," Haymitch tells me, and then he's walking again, knowing I'll follow if he continues his story. "You two were crazy about each other, it was sickening." And follow I do, slowly, listening to him talk. "He's a complicated one, he's always really closed off, angry, but with you he's different. You saw how soft he was yesterday, how broken." I swallow sharply and straighten my back, my footsteps picking up pace. "He's only like that with you. It's daft," he shakes his head and stops outside a door, turning to the people that look in. "Can she go in?"

"I, wait, no…" I have questions about this boy Gale, but the people are nodding. I look for Katniss but she has her eyes trained on the boy through the glass.

"Don't mention Katniss, stick to what I told you okay?" Haymitch forces me in the room before I can answer.

The door shuts behind me and I find a tired, lifeless Peeta, staring at the ceiling. "Hi," I say quietly. His arms are restrained and his hands fidget. "Peeta? It's me, Madge."

"They got you too," he notes, his eyes shifting to me once. By they I'm not sure if he means the Capitol or District 13. I'm not sure I want to know. "Why aren't you being held in a cell?"

"I didn't try to strangle anyone," I say quietly, talking a few steps closer to him. They told me what he did to Katniss, told me he tried killing her the second he saw her. He doesn't shift as I mention it, he must not be regretting anything. "They say I can help you remember."

"They said the same to me about you. Delly tried, I remembered her from when we were little." I don't know anyone named Delly so I move closer again. It's not like he can attack me.

"This is an awkward situation, then," I laugh weakly, sitting on the edge of his bed. He looks up at me and grunts when the restraints keep him in place. "The only thing I know about you is your name, and the fact that we used to be friends." I shake my head and look toward the wall where they're watching us. "I wish I could help more."

"Delly told me that we're in District 13. That my parents are dead. Are your parents dead too or did you get out because you're the mayor's daughter?" I can hear the accusation in his voice. "My family burned in a fire."

"So did mine, they didn't get out," I say shakily. He turns to look at me, trying to read if I'm being honest. "I only know as much as you do. I swear, Peeta. I barely remember myself…" I trail off and reposition myself on his bed, turning slightly to face him. I want to remember him. I want to believe that he's the kind hearted boy everyone's saying, I want to believe we were friends. He stays calm, clammy. His forehead is sweating like he was yelling and trying to get out right before I got here.

"In the prison, we ran into each other," he tells me. "Once. It was right near the beginning. I remember you hugging me, you pushed the peacekeepers off you and ran into my arms screaming my name. I had never seen someone so determined, so brave." I push a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "I told you to fight for yourself."

"I don't remember," I admit sadly.

"You obviously didn't fight, then." The hollowness in his voice is evident. "I guess I didn't either." He reaches forward and grabs my hand, his fingers tracing the carvings. "I remember you. They were right, we were friends." I nod as he turns my hand over in his, even though he can't look at it he's studying the mark. Everyone's so fascinated with the stupid cut. "You loved this guy," he says quietly. "Have they told you that yet?"

"Barely," I mumble. "Doesn't help that I can't remember him."

"They tell me I love Katniss. Have you seen her?"

"She had a bruised neck," I say, pulling my hand away from him.

"She deserves to die," Peeta replies. "She killed my family. Our families. She's the reason we're like this."

"That's not true," I reply weakly, but it could be. It could be true. "She's just as scared…"

"No," he cuts me off. "She's not scared. She doesn't have a reason to be scared. We're the ones that should be scared." I swallow sharply, because I _am_ scared, and then the door opens. "We'll talk again later. You'll see the truth." By the time I'm out of the room I'm shaking. I don't want to talk to Peeta again.

"At least he didn't scream that time," Plutarch mutters under his breath. Katniss strides over to me, her eyes flickering from the room and back to me, and then she grabs my hand. "Katniss, what are you…" her eyes study my palm just as everyone else who's looked at it. Her touch is cold and I pull my hand out quickly, I don't like being touched. Especially not after Peeta just said what he said…

"What is this?" she asks weakly, although her eyes are glaring daggers. She keeps opening her mouth like she's going to say something and her eyes study mine. "What…" she keeps looking toward my hand but I cradle it in my grasp. "I don't… I don't understand."

"Sweetheart," Haymitch strides forward, placing his hand on Katniss's shoulder but she shoves it off, and then she storms away without another word. "It's been a rough day for her," Haymitch tells me. "Don't hold anything against her." I nod and then we're walking away from the one way glass. "A bunch of us are going to District 2. Would you like to come?"

"What's in District 2?" I ask confusedly as he sits me in a chair.

"They're going to do a battle of sorts," he keeps his talk simple, considering I still haven't grasped the entire war concept. "As much as I want you in my sight at all times I think I'd rather you stay here."

"That's alright," I wave it off dismissively. "I'm not much good in a war zone." He nods and glances around the room, his eyes up on the clock. "Do you have to be somewhere?" I ask again.

"With Peeta acting up and Katniss wanting to go to 2…" he trails off and I nod. "Listen, they're doing this group therapy thing for you later. Around two." It's only about eleven now. "I've got to go, but can you be in room 118A in the hospital wing around two?" Again, I nod. "Thanks sweetheart, I'll see you later." And then he's off, and I'm left sitting alone in the hospital wing.

I people watch for a little bit, the crazy ones you can tell are from the Capitol, the quiet ones obviously raised here, the lost ones that came from District 12. They all mesh together in the hospital wing, they all come here to get healed. I tug on my hair for awhile but I realize that's no good, and then I get up and start walking around the District. This place is a lot different from what I remember of 12. Well, obviously, I mean the entire thing is underground. Everyone moves like they all have a very important agenda to fill, everyone walks quickly. As I walk I continue to people watch, wonder which of these people I knew. Know. I don't know. I don't know anything.

And that's how I spend my morning. People watching. Wondering about my life. My parents are dead. Is what Peeta said true? That it's Katniss's fault? I've only talked to her once, twice if you count when she grabbed my hand. What was that about, anyway? As I try to make sense of everything and anything I realize I have no idea where I am. I ask someone that's also wearing gray where the hospital wing is, the clock on the wall tells me I might be late. My footsteps quickly carry me along, Haymitch said this would be a group therapy thing. He's been keeping me to himself so I haven't really seen anyone. I wonder who will be there, of course I can't conjure any names but there will be people trying to trigger my memories. People trying to get me to remember. I'm bound to stumble upon something!

I turn to make my way to room 118A when harsh whispers stop me in my track. I glance up and notice Katniss and the boy Gale from yesterday just outside the room. It's surely already filled with people, I could just dart by them and go in, but instead I slip against the wall and lean toward the conversation.

"What do you _mean_ you and her were in a 'relationship'?" I hear Katniss snap at him. "No one ever said anything to me! We… we kissed… and you…"

"We wanted to tell you," Gale says back. I try bending my head to see them but if I do then they'll see me. Instead, I rely on sound. "You were always busy and you and Mellark,"

"That's different," Katniss says back. "You're supposed to be my best friend and you've kept secrets from me! Her too!"

"Like _you _haven't kept secrets from me!" he yells back. They're talking about me again. "Katniss, you don't understand,"

"Obviously not," I can feel the tension in the room and I'm not even in the room. "Well go on then, tell me."

"Right now?" he asks irritably, I can feel her nodding. "Well when you went into the first Games she was showing up everywhere. In the woods, in the square, and we both wanted you to come home so we were just always with each other, I guess." There's a pause as he groans. "I was always attracted to her, I never said anything because she was Madge, she was the mayor's daughter…"

"And what _changed_?"

"She didn't care that I was from the Seam. She didn't care about any of that, she got me to laugh when all I wanted to do was run away. She's good with Rory and all the kids and she's, she's…" he trails off as a door creaks open. "What?" Gale snaps.

"She's supposed to be here soon, are you coming in or not?" a small boy asks. I can't see him but he does sound familiar. I bet I know him. I wonder if that'll be the only thing I can recognize from people, the fact that they sound familiar.

"I can't," Katniss says quickly. "I've got to go…" her voice trails off and I hear Gale sigh. "What do you want from me?" she nearly snaps at him. "I find out two of my friends have been seeing each other behind my back and you expect me to just accept right away? Gale, we…"

"I thought she was _dead_," he says. "Rory, go back in we'll be there in a second." The small boy sighs and then the door shuts. "Katniss, I don't know what to do! What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to stop lying to me!" she yells weakly. "I want everyone to stop lying to me! Do you love her?"

"Katniss,"

"Do you?" He must nod or shake his head because I don't hear him say anything. "I'll see you in 2," she mutters, and then she storms off down the hall. I wait a few more moments until I hear the door to the room open and shut again, and then count to twenty. Then I walk in.

Everyone stares at me, everyone except Gale. His eyes are on the floor. Haymitch is off next to a little girl with blonde hair, on the other side of her is a boy her age. I quickly assess that there's only six people here. I had been expecting at least ten, but no, only six. My heart drops into my stomach, either all the people who I was friends with died in District 12, or I don't have many friends. "Please, Madge," a doctor in a white outfit gestures to an open chair. "Sit." My eyes flicker to the chair, white, plain, it makes my throat knot and I shake my head quickly.

"It's okay, Madge," Haymitch says from across the room. Again I look at the chair, it reminds me of a bright white room. I squeeze my eyes shut, there are no televisions here, I'm not in the Capitol, they won't hurt me. "It's just a normal chair." But again, I'm shaking my head no. "Get her another," he says quickly. I keep my eyes shut and listen to the scraping of a chair, and then I'm tapped on the shoulder. My eyes open and now it's a thin cushioned chair that doesn't have armrests. "Better?" I nod and take a seat.

Now that I'm sitting I allow my eyes to flicker among everyone. The same girl who was extracted from the Capitol, some of her bruises are lighter. She sits closely with a boy, who's next to Gale. Gale's next to the other boy, the young one who must've called them in, and he's next to the blonde girl who's next to Haymitch. There's an empty seat. I bet it was for Katniss. They go around and introduce themselves. Bristel, Thom, they skip Gale who's still looking at the ground, Rory, Prim, Haymitch. He even plays along and says his name again like it'll help. And then they start with the memories.

Not even ten minutes in, Bristel has to get up and leave because she's crying so much, mumbling something about how sorry she is and how she had no idea what was happening. She says my torture was worse than hers. By the looks of her, I doubt it, but I don't say anything. Thom says something about the first day he sat with me at lunch and how I threw an apple stem at his forehead. The way he does it, retells the memory with his hands and his arms, it makes me laugh. Everyone looks at me expectedly, I realize they think I'm remembering.

"It sounds nice," I force out.

"It was," he says flatly, the enthusiasm dying from his voice. Again, they skip Gale, but I've noticed instead of looking at the floor he just stares at me. His eyes narrow in my direction and I find myself chewing on my lip and fiddling with the scar in my palm. Rory talks about one time when I bought him red velvet cupcakes. I don't even know what red velvet tastes like anymore. Prim says something about how right after the Reaping I went to find Gale in the woods because she asked me to.

"I didn't know who else to go to," Prim's voice is timid. "You were the first person I thought of. You were so brave, the way you just hopped the fence and ran into the woods. I was so scared for you."

"Did I like the woods?" I ask.

"Yeah," Gale says, speaking for the first time the whole meeting. Everyone turns to look at him, but he doesn't shift. His eyes stay locked with mine. "First time you were in the woods you got your foot stuck in one of my snares. You fell backwards on your hand and sprained your wrist." I shake my head in a quick no. I don't remember. "Next time I remember you in the woods was when you climbed a tree." Again, I shake my head no. I don't remember. "You nearly fell off, you yelled at me and made me swear to never make you climb one again." The hollowness of his voice makes me ache. My head slowly tips again. I don't remember. "And we'd watch the stars sometimes. You always talked about how you couldn't see them from town." He pauses and I watch as his eyes grow dark. "Nothing?"

"I'm sorry," I say weakly. "I, I just… I don't…"

"You don't remember any of that?" his voice is agitated and his hands ball into fists at his sides.

"Hawthorne," Haymitch growls.

"What about that night you fell asleep in the meadow? You told me to go home but I wouldn't leave you there alone so I stayed too. And we talked about a whole bunch of stuff like my favorite color and what we were scared of and…" I don't remember. I don't remember.

"I…" I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut. "N-no. I don't…" and then Gale pushes himself out of the chair and strides to the door, his hands at his sides. Everyone waits a second until the door shuts and I cringe at the sound it makes.

"It's okay," Thom says weakly. "He's just…" but before he can finish his sentence I'm up and after him.

"Gale!" I shout. He stops in his tracks but doesn't turn around. I hurry my pace so I can get closer to him before he starts running or something. "Gale," I'm panting by the time I get to him. "I'm trying. Okay? I'm _trying_."

"Not hard enough," he forces out through clenched teeth.

"You think this is easy for _me_?" I hiss. He must be shocked because he snaps around to face me. "You think it's _easy _for people to come up to me and I can't remember their name? How I know them?" His eyes narrow and he takes a step closer to me. "Everyone says we were together and I'm just supposed to believe them? You look at me like I'm a monster! Like I'm crazy!"

He scoffs, "What do you want me to do? Say sorry?"

"It's not my fault they did this to me!" I gesture to my head and then take a step back, rubbing at my eyes. "All I want. All I _want_ is to remember!" I throw my hands up, "Remember everything!" He catches my wrist in his hand and pulls my palm up to his eyes. I let my chin quiver as he traces the carving with his eyes, and then drops my hand lightly. "I'm trying," I say again weakly. "That has to count for something."

"You did that to yourself," he notes, his voice reaching a monotone point. "Before they got to you." I nod, knowing that's what they told me. The Capitol wouldn't carve something so useless into me, they didn't bother to fix it either considering I wouldn't know what it meant. He runs his hands through his hair and takes a few steps away from me. "Do you know how hard this is?" he growls when he gets back to me. I know he's trying to sound angry but his eyes are so helpless it contradicts it. "I see you, and you're alive, and you're still you, but you're not!" I frown and fiddle with my hands. "I've gotta go," he finally says, completely forgetting what he's just told me. I want to know more, I want to know more about me and him and us but he won't say anything else. I know he won't.

"Are you going to District 2?" I ask quietly. He slows his pace and nods once. He doesn't even bother to turn around. I say the only thing I can think of, "Be safe." He lets out a strangled sarcastic laugh, and then he's gone again. I make my way back into the room where the remaining four people sit and they're quiet for a moment. Eventually, their words start to pick back up but I'm not listening anymore. I keep thinking about Gale. I think about how everyone says we were together, but all he is, is angry. How could I have ever loved someone so cold? So distant? It eludes me, I can't imagine how I ever did. How someone so harsh could love me. I decided it must not've been love after all.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I'd just like to say, just because one chapter's depressing doesn't mean the story will be. While Gale and Katniss are gone at District 2 Madge will be slowly starting to remember thanks to Bristel, Thom, Prim, and Rory, who are all back in District 13. But her mind will stray to Gale a lot, even though she can't figure out why... happy ending to the story, I swear, but there has to be rain for the rainbow c:_


	50. Chapter 50

**Disclaimer: How did this ever get to be 50 chapters omg**

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><p>Once everyone leaves for District 2, District 13 feels quiet. I've only been here a few days but I was already getting used to the fast pace. Now, however, it's more laid back in the halls. In the special defense area though, it's hectic. I don't go in that direction, it makes me nervous.<p>

The first night Haymitch is gone I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I can't sleep. I keep thinking about how District 13 is underground just like the prisons were. All of a sudden everything feels heavy and I force myself out of bed so I can wander the halls. I get scolded twice by people who look official but completely ignore their commands. Haymitch was the only person I could talk to and now he's over in District 2. I bet I could call him and talk to him, that would be reassuring, but I won't. Too much of a hassle. Instead I wander and wander until I reach the hospital wing. It feels homey to me.

Without realizing it I make my way to where Peeta is being held. There's no one in the observation room but I'm sure there's a camera trained on him somewhere. I watch as his chest rises and falls in a steady rhythm while he sleeps. "You're not supposed to go in there," a voice suddenly says, pulling my vision away from the restrained boy.

"I was just watching," I turn to the girl and let my arms fall limp at my sides. She has bruises and welts, much like Bristel has, but her head is shaved. She winces when she walks closer, looking in. "He looks normal when he sleeps."

"Everyone looks normal when they sleep," she shoots back, leaning against the window. "His cell was near mine, he'd talk in his sleep." I glance back and study his face; sure enough his lips are moving gently as if he's trying to get out a message. It's too faint, too weak for us to hear from where we stand. "Mostly just say her name, sometimes angry, sometimes not." I nod, knowing she means Katniss.

"Johanna!" a voice calls from out in the hallway. The girl in the observation room with me doesn't shift. "Johanna!" they call again, and she rolls her eyes. Finally, the boy from the other day, Finnick, strides into the room. "Gone for not even five minutes and you up and walk away! You can't just do that!"

"Just stretching my legs," she says back, walking toward him. "See ya later, princess," she calls over her shoulder to me. Finnick watches me for a moment and frowns, and then he helps Johanna back to wherever she needed to be. My arms wrap around my body and I sigh, feeling awfully lonely. I decide to go try to sleep again and make my way out of the observation room, back into the halls.

I've only been walking a few minutes when a voice calls to me. "Madge!" I turn slowly, it still makes me nervous that everyone knows my name, but I smile when I see the boy from that group therapy thing. Rory, his name was. "Hey!"

"Hi," I say shyly. He picks up his pace and walks beside me.

"Where ya going?"

"Oh, um, home. Or well, Haymitch's. My house too, I guess. I was gonna try to sleep." He nods and slows his pace, I slow mine too. "It's hard sleeping by myself, you know, with no one home. I've just been walking around," I admit quickly.

He smiles, "You can come to my house! My mom won't mind, you can sleep on the couch."

"Oh, Rory," I sigh, "I don't know."

"You used to stay at my house all the time anyways," he shrugs. "Come on, just for the night!" He looks so eager I find myself nodding and following him. He takes many twists and turns and eventually we end up outside some sort of housing unit. "I'm not supposed to be out either but I was visiting Prim." I smile lightly, they must like each other. I saw how he looked at her in the therapy session. "Nightmares?"

"Just feeling claustrophobic," I tell him weakly as he pushes his door open. On the couch reading a book is someone who must be his mother. She looks up, making eye contact with me, and lowers her book. "Hi," I say weakly.

"Madge," she frowns, putting in a bookmark and closing it, quickly standing and crossing the room to embrace me. Her arms wrap lightly around me and she sighs and lets me go quickly. "Sorry, they said you don't like be touched, I forgot."

"It's okay," I say, although my arms are in goosebumps and my hearts in my stomach.

"I'm Hazelle," she tells me, a bit of hesitation to her voice. It's obvious we've met before, but I just nod and smile politely. If she feels close enough with me that she can hug me, I'm betting I can trust her. "It's very good to see you. Very good."

I want to say you too, but I don't remember her. Instead I say, "Thank you."

"Can Madge sleep on the couch?" Rory asks, shoving his hands into his back pockets. "She can't sleep cuz Haymitch isn't there."

"Oh, yes, that's fine," Hazelle scurries off down the hall and opens a closet. It's most likely filled with blankets and pillows. Her voice travels down the hall, "You can always sleep in Gale's room if you'd like, I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"Gale?" I spit out quickly. Rory turns to look at me and squints. "I, he lives here?"

"He's my brother," Rory laughs. "Come on, Madge," he leans forward and taps my head. I know he doesn't mean it to be demeaning, like it's just a simple thing. It even makes me smile, but inside I'm sweating. This means I've spent nights with Gale a lot. He said I spent time at his house all the time. We must've been really serious.

"I, I'll just sleep on the couch," I interject. Of course Rory and Gale are brothers, they look exactly the same! Why hadn't I realized it earlier! Hazelle rushes back out and makes up the couch for me while I awkwardly stand there. The action is utterly silent. Then she moves into the kitchen to make me some sort of hot chocolate for me and Rory. I sit nervously on the couch and glance around the room, it's a lot like Haymitch's only smaller. Which doesn't make sense because there's more people here than at his. It's just me and him there. Was only supposed to be him. Here they have Hazelle and Rory and Gale, I'm pretty sure there are a few more siblings too but I'm not sure.

Rory sits down next to me and Hazelle hands us mugs. "I'm going to go get some sleep, goodnight you two."

"Goodnight, thanks for letting me stay."

"Night Ma," Rory says, drinking from his glass heavily. He waits a few moments until he hears a door shut and then finally pulls the mug down. "Are you going to drink that?" I realize I've been watching him and he gestures to my mug. I laugh and sip from it, the sweet chocolate flavor sliding down my throat. Rory leans back on the couch and kicks his feet up on the coffee table.

"So," I say, licking my lips to get the moustache the drink gave me off, "I spent the night a lot?"

"Oh yeah," he nods. "You and Gale would sleep until noon. My mom always complained but you could tell she loved it. She'd mutter things under her breath but she always had a smile on." He removes his feet from the table and leans up again so he can drink from his mug without spilling it. "It was like, almost every night."

"Really," I frown, sipping from my mug again to keep myself busy. My eyes start feeling heavy, the warmth of the drink is a good comfort when it comes to sleep. "What else?" I don't want to know, but I do.

"Oh, um," he reaches down and puts his cup on the table and then rests his elbows on his knees. "About what?"

"What about you and me, you said I got you cupcakes once. Anything else that we did together?"

"Oh," he grins, "that day you got me cupcakes we did a whole lot. First we got shoes or something, then we went to the cupcake place. You knew the guy who owned it, it was Peeta's dad." I nod as his face suddenly goes dark. "There was this guy, I don't remember his name… C something. He tried pulling you away before I got out of the shop. It was scary, you were really shaken up by it." I think for a moment.

"Cassius?"

"Yeah," he deadpans, turning to me. "I think that was it. How do you remember him?"

"He…" I swallow, the memory flooding me, wrapping around me like a suffocating blanket, "he attacked me." Of course the Capitol wouldn't replace the painful memories for me. They couldn't do that. Too humane of them. The name Cassius forces me underwater, smothering the goodness out of me. Yes, I remember Cassius. Rory watches me for a moment, his eyes narrowing in my direction. "I remember him grabbing my wrist and trying to pull me away." _Just the girl I wanted to see_. I shudder, that was before he even really attacked me, and Rory places his hand on my shoulder. "I'm okay," I nudge him off. He's gone, Cassius is gone. "I'm okay. After that we… we went somewhere else didn't we?" As long as this memory of Cassius is with me I might as well try to get something out of it. "Another shop… a… a jewelry store?"

"Yeah, the jewelers. You knew the boy that worked there. He showed me,"

"The things that heat the metal," I finish the sentence for him as the vision unravels around me, Rory rushing into the back of the store while I browse the jewels out front. I squeeze my eyes shut, picturing the boy who worked there.

"You remember," he observes, his eyes widening as a smile spreads slowly on his face.

"A little bit, not all of it. It's… it's like it's muffled."

"But you remember a bit!" he grabs my hand and squeezes it. "Madge, that's great! What else? Anything?"

I pause for a moment, squeezing my eyes shut. "The boy, he, he had green eyes," I say through a strangled voice. Rory shrugs, obviously not paying attention to what color his eyes were, and then fiddles with the hem of his shirt. I remember the boy with green eyes, he's the boy in the video the Capitol showed me right before Boggs got me out. "Do you remember his name?" I ask, my eyes shooting open.

"Do _I_?" he laughs, and then panics because he thinks he offended me. "Sorry, yeah, it's Jace."

"Jace," I nod, my eyes flittering shut again. I reach up and press against my lips like I had wanted to do when they showed me the video, but I feel nothing. "He's dead isn't he?" He doesn't answer, which is answer enough. I press my hands into my eyes. "I guess there are some things I'd rather not remember after all, huh?"

"I don't know," Rory says quietly. "If I forgot everything like you did I'd like to remember the good and the bad."

His answer startles me, "Why?"

"Because there can't be good things without bad things. I mean, you can't be who you are without having both sides. It's like a black and white picture, it has to be both colors or you don't even have a picture. It'd just be black. Or white I guess, but no picture. You know?" I guess I kind of know what he means. "I was really mean to you a few times, Madge," he says suddenly, his voice going softer than before. Strained, even. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything I said."

"Aw, Rory…"

"No," he shakes his head and runs his fingers through his hair. "I kept thinking _maybe if I had been nicer_," he continues to shake his head and now he starts pulling on his hair. "We thought you were dead for awhile, all of us. When Gale told us he just… he got all quiet and then he went away for a really long time. A really long time, and then he got angry and he's been angry ever since and all I could think was _maybe if I had been nicer_ then you would've lived…"

"Rory," I say again as I watch his tiny eyes fill with water, my own threatening to do the same.

"And then you were alive and you were okay and I was going to tell you sorry but they said I couldn't see you because of the Capitol, because you were still scared. And I kept thinking, she hates me, Madge hates me,"

"I don't hate you," I say forcefully.

"You don't know that!" he throws his hands up and rubs the back of his hand up his face to stop the tears. "You don't remember me! What if you did hate me?"

"I couldn't," I choke out. I'm watching this little boy break over _me_. "There's no way I could ever hate you."

He ignores my words and finally lets tears start falling without a care. "I kept thinking of you in a Capitol cell just thinking I hated _you_ and I didn't! I didn't hate you! And I'm so _sorry_…" so I throw my arms around him, and I let him cry. "I'm so sorry…"

"Shhh," I stroke his hair as sobs wrack his body. "It's not your fault, Rory," I whisper. "What happened to me is not your fault. Okay?" His crying becomes muffled and less and I feel him nod. "Good. Don't cry over me."

Rory pulls away and looks up at me, his cheeks wet with tears and his face pink. "I didn't mean anything I said," he croaks, his eyes filling again.

"Rory,"

"I said Gale didn't love you but he did, he does, Madge, he still does," he reaches up and rubs at his eyes. "And I called you spoiled and said you got everything you wanted. I didn't mean it, I really didn't."

"I know you didn't," I reach up and push his bangs off to the side of his head.

"I said I wished my life was perfect like yours," his voice gives out and I pull him to me again, wrapping my arms tightly around and holding him. And then I start laughing. "M-Madge?" He pulls away and wipes at his eyes again and I just keep laughing. It just bubbled out of me before I could stop it. Perfect. Perfect! And then he starts laughing too, slowly at first, but eventually we're both in hysterics. I only stop when my sides start hurting and even then I still let out little bursts of entertainment.

"Perfect," I chuckle, rubbing at my face. "Oh, hell. Listen here, Rory," I throw my arm over his shoulder and lean back on the couch as he rubs tears of mirth out of his eyes. "There's no such thing as perfect. As far as I'm concerned, you've got a family that loves you, always has." He nods. "That's what matters. Right?"

"Right," he says weakly. "I really am…"

"Don't you dare say sorry," I squeeze his shoulder and he laughs. "This is me formally forgiving you. Okay? It doesn't matter what the Capitol did to me, I'm going to be fine." We sit there for a moment and I sigh. "Go get to bed, alright? I'm tired."

"Okay," he says, pushing himself off the couch. "Goodnight Madge."

"Night, Rory."

"You're going to remember everything," he says quietly once he's in the hallway. "I'll make sure."

* * *

><p>The sound of a whip echoes through the air. Grunts of pain, yelps of agony, flashes of dripping blood, someone tied to a whipping post. I scream until my throat goes raw, clawing forward through the crowd, trying to see who's tied down. My heart aches in my chest, my brain races. Ghostlike white wisps circle around me, snow tinkles above. I keep screaming, pushing forward. The more people I get past the farther away the whipping post seems. <em>They'll kill him! <em>I scream. I scream and scream pushing past faceless orbs. Everyone watches me, everyone looks at me.

Finally I get to the front, I'm forced forward and collapse on my hands and knees. In front of me is a boy with red hair, a bruised face, a lump forming on the top of his head. I reach forward, his skin is cold to the touch. His eyes shoot open and he starts screaming, he's an avox. I stumble backwards, disgusted, shocked, terrified, and another echo of the whip is present. I glance up, and then I see the person being whipped. Gale.

My eyes snap open and I take in a deep breath. Just a dream, it was just a dream. "Madge," a little girl is looking over me, her hair tickling my face. "Are you okay?"

"Posy, not so close, dear," Hazelle says from another room. The girl named Posy leans away.

"I'm fine," I force out, reaching up to rub my eyes. I forgot I was at the Hawthorne's. "Bad dream, that's all." Light flickers from above me and it makes it gives the feel of daytime despite being underground. "Time is it?"

"9:30," Hazelle answers for me. "Vick and Rory had things to do, they didn't want to wake you." I sit up slowly and watch the little girl in front of me.

"Hi," I say to her, and she smiles. "How're you?"

"You're like an angel," she tells me. She must be only four. "You were dead but now you're not." I laugh and sit up more, reaching up into the air and stretching, sighing with relief when my back cracks. "I always knew you were an angel."

"Posy," Hazelle scolds, but she wears a warm smile on her face. "Coffee?" I nod and Hazelle scurries back into the kitchen. "What was your dream about?" she calls out. Posy scoots up on the couch and sits next to me, her gray eyes widening every time I look down at her. She's so innocent, quiet, she hesitates to touch me. Eventually though, her hand grabs mine. "It's good to talk about it," Hazelle continues, entering the room with a mug similar to the one from last night. "It could help." Posy nods, tightening her grip on my hand.

"It's nothing, I'm sure," I say, taking the mug with my free hand and sighing with relief at the first sip. It's made perfectly. "It was just… just someone getting whipped," I tell her quietly, considering Posy's next to me.

"Gale was whipped," Posy tells me. "Awhile ago."

"He was?" I furrow my brows as she nods.

"Posy," Hazelle frowns. "I'm sure that had nothing to do with Madge's dream," her voice is skeptic, I'm sure she just doesn't like her daughter talking about her son's whipping. Instead of answering them I busy myself with drinking my coffee, my hand sliding out of Posy's so I can grip it with both hands. "Right?"

"Right," I nod, but she knows I'm lying. She raises an eyebrow but I go back to drinking the coffee.

"Posy, can you go in your room for a little bit? Play with your dolls?"

"Okay Mommy," she smiles. "See you later, Madge," I wave goodbye at Posy scampers off to her room, her knotty tangled hair falling behind her.

"I don't like her talking about it," Hazelle tells me quietly. "The whipping. She was sick around then anyway, it was just a bad time."

"It's alright, I understand."

"Your dream, though, it _was_ about Gale wasn't it?" I nod slowly and she sighs. "Yes, he was whipped. He was caught hunting, you brought him medicine."

"I did?"

She dips her head into a yes, "Saved his life." I frown, placing my now empty mug on the coffee table. "Maybe you should tell someone about your dream, maybe it means you still have all your memories somewhere in your head. They could try to do something, try to…"

"What would they do?" I ask dully. "Strap more wires to my head? Tie me down like Peeta? No thank you."

"Madge," she sighs.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything," I bite out a little too harshly. She sits straighter and nods, reaching for the mug and taking it into the kitchen."Hazelle you don't know what it's like," I follow after her, exhaling quietly. "Always being scared to sit down incase metal straps shoot out of the chair to tie you down, always feeling claustrophobic, being scared to watch a TV in case you forget whatever you see." She places the mug in the sink and pauses, leaning over it. "I will, okay, I'll tell someone. But not now, I just need to breathe for a bit. You can understand that, right?"

"I'm sorry," she sniffles quietly. It's so strangled, so strange, at first I don't understand that's what she's doing. Crying. "I'm sorry, I'm not usually like this," she chokes, turning to me. "They said that we're not supposed to cry around you just in case it makes you upset but," her voice gives out and she wipes her eyes again. "Sorry, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I say, the faintest smile spreading on my face.

"Back to," she breathes deeply, "back to Gale, you two had been fighting, I guess. After the whipping you got sick and then you two started talking again, I'm pretty sure. He tried not talking about it but sometimes he'd let things slip with me."

"Hazelle," I rest my hand on her shoulder, and then she instantly leans over me, hugging tightly.

"I'm sorry," she says again. "I'm sorry for what happened to you. It's all I can think about."

"Hazelle," I say again. "They were right, you shouldn't cry around me. I'm not good at comforting people." Then she laughs and pulls away with tearstained eyes. "I'm alive, that's what matters. Okay?"

"But you don't remember my family, me, Gale," she shakes her head. "You two were so precious and I was against it for the longest time. Not openly, of course, but against it nonetheless."

"What did I say?" I can't help but smirk.

"Sorry," she says again, and I laugh a bit.

"I should go, okay? Wander around the hospital wing, maybe help with Peeta some." I can't be around crying people like this, I need to give them time to cool down, room to breathe. Sooner or later they'll be able to see me without tearing up, and that's what we both need.

"My couch is always available to you," she says weakly. "Here, wait a second," and then she scurries off down the hall into her room, emerging a few moments later with a bag stuffed with books. "Take these."

"What for?" I accept the bag carefully.

"District 13 has this huge library," she tells me. "Filled with history books and love stories and action stories, basically anything. All the books from before the Capitol, all these books that would be seen as illegal to us." I raise an eyebrow as she smiles weakly. "It'll keep you occupied. Keep your mind off things while everyone's gone. They're really interesting, very inspiring."

I can't help but grin, "Thank you." I straighten the loop of the bag over my shoulder. "Really, thank you." And that's what I do, I keep my mind occupied. I read book after book, sitting in the hospital wing, with Thom and Bristel in the cafeteria, next to Rory as he does his homework. Book after book, page after page. At least one a day, it seems. People don't interrupt me, they just talk and sometimes I listen. I read fairytales from before the Dark Days, and I read about America, the place before Panem. I read love stories and stories about spies and stories with plot twists. I'm so absorbed in this story about a boy _wizard_ that I barely hear the voices that rush past me in a panic into the hospital wing.

"She's been shot!" they scream. "Katniss has been shot!"

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><p><em>AN: Not much gadge in this one, but Gale will be back next chapter so there'll be more interaction. Also, in Mockingjay there were a few Katniss/Gale makeout scenes when they went to 2, but that didn't happen in my story. Just clearing that up!_


	51. Chapter 51

**Disclaimer: It'll be okay, I swear.**

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><p>It's a few hours before anyone from 2 actually shows up. Haymitch is needed in defense, Katniss's spleen burst so she's in surgery, and I can't seem to find anyone besides panicking doctors. I push my way into every room, hoping to see someone, hoping to help. I'm tired of being useless. Of course, one of the last doors I open belongs to Gale. He's clenching his teeth as someone wraps some sort of cloth over his arms. I watch quietly, neither of the two looking up to see me.<p>

"Well the bullet didn't pierce your skin," the doctor says. For some unexplainable reason I feel my heart drop in my stomach. He was shot at? "Just slipped by, caught a weak part of your shirt."

"Hurts like hell," Gale mutters back.

"It's not that bad," the doctor smiles. "All done, you should be able to take it off in a few days."

"Great, thanks doc," Gale grumbles, obviously still in pain. I bet he asked for morphling or some pain medicine but they won't give it to him. All the people in District 13 conserve literally everything. Finally his eyes flicker to me and I freeze. He says nothing. The doctor slips out of the room. "How long've you been standing there?" he asks, his voice sharp.

"Few minutes," I admit quietly. Gale jaw clenches again and he shifts. "Are you okay?" I ask, my eyes flickering down to the white wrapping on his upper arm.

"Fine." I nod awkwardly as the ticking of the clock on the wall echoes in the room. "Did you need something?"

"I was just," I rub the nape of my neck and take a step forward. "No, not really." His face remains expressionless and I frown. "How was District 2?"

"Fine," he says again. His eyes flicker down to the book I have positioned between my arms. "What're you reading?"

"Hm?" I look down at the book in my hands, forgetting the name for a moment. "Oh, it's called Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. It's about a wizard." His eyes narrow. "It was banned when the Capitol took charge for rebellious thoughts, but um… It's, it's really good."

"Right," he sighs, his face morphing into something pained. "You should go." I jerk my head into a nod and then flee from his room without looking back. My pace quickens and I sprint until I'm outside the hospital wing, leaning against the wall as I steady my breathing. Slowly, I collapse onto the floor, my knees up by my face and my legs buried somewhere in between. And then I'm fighting back tears, a knot tangles in my throat. Why does his utter rejection of me affect me like this? It shouldn't matter, I don't remember him anyway. But everyone says… everyone says we were together. Everyone says he loved, no, loves me. If that's true then why is he acting like this?

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><p>It carries on like that a bit more, the cold shoulder he gives while I receive the empty stomach. I sit with Bristel and Thom in the cafeteria, considering they're friends with Gale he sits with us too. To avoid talking I bring my books and read. I think people think I'm turning into Annie, who's been spending ample amount of time with Finnick, might I add. Even Johanna sits with us at lunch sometimes, always next to Gale, always grabbing his arm. I turn my pages angrily and I'm sure someone notices by the way the awkwardly cough.<p>

"Something the matter, princess?" Johanna coos in my direction. I don't look up. "You've got a jealous girlfriend, Handsome," she says to Gale.

"Johanna," he bites out at her, forcing her hand off. She smirks in my direction and I lift my eyes momentarily, but then drop them again. I feel his Gale's eyes bore into me and I slowly push myself away from the table.

He also stops showing up for group therapy sessions. "He'll be back," Rory tells me, although I know he doesn't believe it. "It's really hard for Gale."

"Yeah," Prim backs him up. "He's just busy with defense, that's all." I shrug, acting like it means nothing, but it hurts. He's supposed to love me. As much as I tell myself it wasn't love I really want to believe that's what we had, but he's not helping by completely ignoring me. So I try to focus on the two little kids in front of me, telling me about the time I stood with them in the square handing out golden bracelets to everyone. "You even had a necklace," Prim frowns. "I wonder what happened to it."

The next time I see Gale he's talking to Bristel and Thom and the latter two start to laugh. Gale keeps his stony expression although his eyes flicker for a moment and I swear I see some sort of emotion. It's gone when they find me, however. "You just have to be patient," Bristel says later that day. "He'll come around eventually."

"Sure," I reply weakly with a frown. Bristel plops on the couch next to me and throws her arm around me. I've been trusting her more and more lately as my memory slowly is unveiled. Mostly when I see her in my head she's wearing a maid's outfit with her feet kicked up on a pull out chair in the corner of my old living room. She tells me it was her chair, and that makes me laugh.

"I remember when he first told me he liked you," she says. I raise an eyebrow and she snickers. "I told him he wasn't allowed to because you were the mayor's daughter. You know, Gale never talks about things like that with me, girls. He'd usually just talk to Thom but he came to me so I knew it was serious." I fiddle with the hem of my shirt. "He came up to me and was like, 'I think I like her,' and he gestured to your lunch table where you sat all by yourself and I just laughed. Gale had a reputation, I guess. He messed around with a lot of girls."

"Really, now?" I ask dryly.

She laughs, "Oh yeah. Before he met you, anyways. So when he first said that I was like, 'You can't mess around with the mayor's daughter,' and he just frowned at me. He said something about how he was serious and stormed off and next time I looked up he was sitting next to you at that stupid lunch table. Then Thom was there too and I was the one alone at a lunch table. I don't know why but you stormed off angrily and he followed and that's when I knew it was really serious for him. So while you were in the hall talking about something I moved to your lunch table."

"Were we friends?"

"Not at first," she admits. "I disliked you. I could tell you disliked me. I thought you were snotty, I hated your hair."

I chuckle, "Well thanks." There's a pause as I glance around the room, tracing the curves of the wall with my eyes. "What about now?" I ask faintly. "Are we friends?"

She smiles, "Of course we're friends." I smile too, she doesn't mention my lack of memory. "You know, I don't think you're crazy."

"I'm not," I say quietly. "I don't think you're crazy either." My eyes dart down to the scars that wrap around her wrists and claw across her forearms. She shows them off proudly in her short sleeved shirt, acts as if they're battle scars. "They hurt you."

"They hurt you too," her voice is pained. "They hurt you worse." I shake my head, that's not true. No one's told me what they did to Bristel but I've overheard doctors talking about it. The way she was violated, abused, touched. How they went through weapon after weapon inflicting more and more pain. They stole her innocence, they used her.

"That's not true."

"How about we say it was a tie and never talk of it again," she finally spouts out. I nod once. "Good, thank you." There's a pause and I hear her breathe shakily. "When we first got back, when I first saw you I thought I was dreaming." She lets out a quivering laugh, "And then we got on board the hovercraft and you were so quiet and calm in your sleep. I kept thinking, she saved my life, she got me out of that cell, away from that never ending torture and she's okay. I blamed myself for us ending up there, I still do."

"Bristel," I frown.

"Don't try and change my mind, Madge, it won't happen." I lean onto her side and she sighs. "Thom was scared to touch me, you know, even just hold my hand. He was scared it'd remind me of…" she trails off. The prisons. "I kept thinking about when he said he loved me and how much I just wanted him to love me again. Finally he just, he just went for it. Thank heavens, too," she smiles weakly. "But that's how Gale kind of is now."

"He doesn't remind me of the prisons," I say angrily. "He reminds me of a brick."

She snorts, "That's not what I meant. I mean he's just scared to touch you. He's hurting too, you just have to remember that."

"I'm trying," I tell her. "But he just stares at me! If he doesn't put effort into me then why should I put it into him?"

"Because deep down, somewhere inside of you, you love him." I frown. "You know it too, I see the way you watch him. You know you love him, the way you get jealous or angry or upset. You'll blame it on something else but I'm not blind. I can read you like a book, Madge."

"But I–I don't know. I don't remember. I just get angry or upset but that doesn't mean I love him it means I'm angry and upset." She chuckles a bit and I find myself clenching my fists. "If he's not going to help me then maybe I'll just move on, focus on other things."

"Don't give up on him," she nearly pleads. "Please. Don't."

* * *

><p>I stuff the bag Hazelle gave me back up with books, I finished all eleven that she gave me and hopefully she has some more. I want to read some more about that wizard boy or maybe another story about a princess. I'm tired of being forced to think.<p>

"You can't just read books all day, sweetheart," Haymitch says as I lug the bag into the kitchen. We've fallen into a nice routine. "You've got to start going to school or training or both."

"I'll just keep reading," I wave him off, continuing on my path toward the door. He steps in front of my path with a scowl. "Haymitch," I grumble.

"I'm worried about you."

"Everyone is," I say back.

"No, I really am worried about you Madge." I frown as he steps out of my way. "You've held yourself together very well." I can't tell if he's being sarcastic. I have to cry myself to sleep most nights to even manage some. He must see the puffy pink eyes in the morning, he's not oblivious. "I just want you to start participating. You can't stay closed off forever. In fact, Coin's a little ticked that you haven't even tried."

"I don't _want_ to," I say back irritably. "Tell her that I don't _want_ to."

"She doesn't necessarily take requests from people like you," he says lightly, a smile tugging at his lips. "Promise me you'll try?"

I hesitate but eventually nod, "Promise." Then he sends me on my way to Hazelle's. I know Rory won't be there, so Vick might not be either. I hope Posy is, I haven't seen her in a few days. When I knock on the door and she's the one to answer, I smile. "Hi Posy," I reach down and tussle her hair. "Can I come in?"

"Yes," she giggles, "but be quiet!" I nod and hold a finger up to my mouth to show her I'm being quiet. She grabs my hand and pulls me in, shutting the door for me. As I walk down the hallway I wonder why she told me to be quiet, considering an immense amount of noise is coming from the living room.

"Now you're an airplane," I hear a voice say, and then Vick is giggling. I smile and quicken my pace. "Vvvrrrrr, pshew pshew!"

"Gale!" Vick laughs. "Put me down!"

"Oh no, you're running out of fuel!" I lean on the wall and watch as Gale drops his brother, hanging him upside down by his ankles. "Beep, beep, beep… Oh no!"

"Gale!" Vick's laughing up a storm. Posy bounces on her toes and giggles, rushing forward.

"Me next!" she shouts, "Gale, me next!" Gale looks up with a grin, laying his brother gently on the couch and looking toward his little sister. His expression fades when he sees me.

"What're you doing here?" he spouts out quickly, obviously nervous, and shoves his hands into his back pockets. "How'd you get in?"

"Gale," Posy grumbles, pulling on his leg. "I said me next."

"Later, Pose," he says quietly, tapping her on the head and striding across the room to me. "Posy let you in?" I nod weakly, unable to retain his gaze.

"I, uh, I was just returning your books. Or well, your mom's books." I slide the bag off my shoulder and awkwardly hand it over to him. "Is she home?" he accepts the bag and hikes it up his shoulder while shaking his head no. "Oh. Do you have any more, maybe?" I ask, grabbing my hands together to stop them from shaking. This is the first conversation we've had since the one in the hospital wing, I can't help but make note of his closeness to me, the way his eyes are constantly searching mine whenever I get the nerve to look up. "If not that's okay," I add quickly.

"I can check," he forces out, taking a step back and then marching toward the back rooms. I wait in my spot, half in the hall and half in the living room.

"Hi Madge," Vick sits up and smiles at me.

"Hi Vick," I say back. "How're you?"

"I'm good," he runs his hands through his hair, trying to comb it back into place. "It's good to see you."

"Yeah, Madge," Posy stumbles back over to me and pulls on my hand. "You never come over anymore." I frown and fiddle with the sleeves on my shirt. "You could come over more!"

"Maybe," I say quietly, taking the free seat next to Vick. "Everyone's just been really busy lately, I think."

"Is it because you don't love Gale anymore?" Vick asks sadly. "Is that why you don't come over?"

"No," I shake my head quickly. "No, that's not it…"

"I really want you to love Gale again," he says, crossing and uncrossing his hands in his lap. "Why don't you love him anymore?"

"Vick," Gale sighs from the hallway. I turn around to look at him but his eyes are trained on his younger sibling. "We talked about this."

"I know," Vick frowns, "but you didn't tell me everything."

"I still love Gale," I tell him quietly through a nervous voice. "I just, I just can't remember that I do. I just have to remember."

"Will you soon?" Posy asks. "I want you to come over more!"

"Of course I will," I tell her, tapping her nose. "Just be patient, okay?" Posy nods and throws her tiny arms around me. I hear Gale shift in the hallway and look back to him.

"Can you guys go in your rooms for a bit?" Gale asks them gently. "So I can talk to Madge?" Vick and Posy exchange knowing glances and then they nod, sprinting off the couch at full speed. He wait until their doors are shut before he speaks again. "I told them not to say anything," he tells me.

"It's okay," I shrug. "I'm used to it by now."

"You're still really good with them," he says weakly, his eyes staring emptily past me. "Want something to drink?" I nod and he lumbers into the kitchen, I stand to follow him. He places the bag of books on the floor near the entrance way. "I found a few more books I thought you might like," he says, reaching into the fridge to get some juice of sorts. "More of that wizard you told me about." I feel my cheeks flush as I lean against a counter.

"Thank you." Gale turns to me and hands me the cup, his hand warm when I accidently touch it. I fumble with the cup but take it into both of my hands. He watches me as I sip and I have to keep my eyes downcast. "Do you hate me?" I finally ask after I've taken a drink.

"What?" he asks, almost angrily. "No," he shakes his head. "Of course not. Why?"

"You act like it," I say lightly, shrugging and placing the cup on the counter next to me. He frowns. "You know, everyone I talk to says that you love me. Everyone. Haymitch, Prim, Bristel, just everyone." He leans back on the counter across the tiny kitchen and crosses his arms. "I wouldn't be able to tell from how you act around me, though. You don't even talk to me, you don't acknowledge that I'm there. So for awhile I thought that you didn't actually love me."

"Madge," his eyebrows furrow. "I just…"

"And you were always so mean and cold I thought it was impossible for me to love someone like you. But when I saw you in there with Vick…" I trail off feeling my cheeks heat up. "I saw what I loved, I think." I half expect him to smile, or frown again, but his face remains blank.

"I'm sorry for how I acted before I went to 2," he says quietly. I shrug and he groans, "I know it upset you, don't just write it off. I was angry and I didn't mean it, okay?"

"Sure." I pull at the tips of my hair waiting for him to say something else, but he won't. "Are you giving up on me?"

"No," again he shakes his head forcefully.

"Are you sure? Because it feels like you are."

"Madge," his voice cracks and he strides across the room, his hand reaching out to cup my face. He awkwardly drops it at the last second, still not used to the memory loss, I guess. "I'm not, I just… I don't know how to do this. I want you to remember," his voice is pained. "I want you to remember everything, you have no _idea_. Every time I see you I just want…" he trails off, shaking his head. "And I can't because you don't know me and…" again he trails off, unable to finish.

"Well I'm not going to remember if you just glare at me every time you see me."

"I know," he croaks, moving away from me in one swift motion. "I know! And I can't do anything about it!" His fingers rake through his hair desperately. "I'd do anything, _anything_ for you to remember me."

"Then talk to me!" I plead. Gale turns back to face me. "Please. I want to remember you. I _want_ to. _Please_."

"You don't understand," he shakes his head. "You just don't, you don't understand how this is for me. Everything, I remember everything! Every little detail, every second I spent with you, every moment we shared, and you don't. You don't," his voice gives out again and my stomach aches.

"Then help me to," I whimper. "I can't do this without you. I can't. I need you."

Gale slowly closes the distance between us, his hand reaching up to cup my face. This time it doesn't drop, his rough hand gently curves and he lowers his forehead to mine, my voice getting caught in my throat. "And I need you," he says weakly. "Madge," he forces out. I feel his breath on me, warm bursts of air in an unsteady, ragged pattern. He smells like smoke, even here in District 13 where I doubt he has much access to a fire. My heart is racing in my chest, doing uncontrollable erratic things. Almost instinctively, my hand reaches up and rests on his chest. His tongue darts out to wet his lips.

"You can kiss me if you want," I whisper, swallowing nervously.

"Oh, I want," he says desperately. "But I can't." He leans closer, his nose nudging mine. "I want to so bad," he says even quieter. His lips hover over mine, I can nearly taste them. "You have no idea." And in this moment, I want him to. Centimeters away, so desperately close. I'm half tempted to press myself on my tiptoes, forcing his lips against mine, but I can't. My feet won't do it. I'm still shaking. "But I won't."

"Why not?"

"Because if it doesn't change anything then I'll be more broken than before," he says simply.

"But what if it helps?" Kiss me. Please kiss me.

"What if it doesn't? It'd just be an empty kiss to you while it would mean so much more to me," he shakes his head, his hand dropping from my face as he steps back slowly. "Sorry," he says weakly. "They said you don't like being touched."

"No," I shake my head, "it's okay." I close my eyes a moment and lean my head back, taking a deep breath. I should've kissed him. He should've kissed me. "I should go," I say quickly. "Before Haymitch starts to worry," I add, "I said I'd be right back." I'm lying, oh I'm lying. I need to breathe, need to figure out the racing of my heart.

"Yeah," Gale nods hesitantly and then crosses the room, picking up the bag of books and handing it to me. I'm reluctant to take it from him, our eyes meeting each other's gently. Magnificent gray, mixed with brown and stormy specks of silver. "Madge," he says quietly. I raise my eyebrows and that's when he does it, he smiles. Only slightly, only for a moment, but the corners of his lips tug just a bit. "I swear I'm not giving up," he says gently.

"Will you come back to my therapy?" I ask nervously.

His eyebrows knit and unknit. "Maybe. I'll try. I don't like everyone else there when I talk about us," he admits faintly.

"Then it can be just me and you," I tell him. "If you want."

"We'll talk about it later," he tells me, reaching across and pushing a strand of hair out of my face and behind my ear. I squint my eyebrows, the gesture feels so familiar, so homey. My eyes drift shut, a faint image of me and Gale in the woods drifts across my vision. My head on his chest, his fingers teasing through my hair. "Madge?" I blink open and drop my gaze to the ground, trying to suppress the smile that's growing on my lips. "You okay?"

"Yeah," my cheeks are pink I can feel it. "I'll see you later." He nods, walking me to the hallway and opening the door for me, watching me as I stride down the corridor of District 13 back to my house. He's not giving up, I won't either. I crave the racing in my chest that he gave me, I need to know more. I need to remember him.

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><p><em>AN: My shipper heart. Annie and Finnick's wedding coming up, as well as some angry Katniss. Bear with me. _


	52. Chapter 52

**Disclaimer: I've been in a very writey mood lately. Enjoy it while it lasts. **

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><p><em>Ragged breath, soft touches, it's all so gentle. Every brush of skin, every layer of clothing being peeled off of me. Sweet, tempting, desperate. The scent of smoke, a gentle voice telling me I love you, I love you, over and over again. Kisses up my jaw, kisses down my neck. Kiss after kiss, my heart erratic in my chest. "Gale," my voice is a whisper, but he cuts it off with a kiss, another kiss, I'm melting, I can't breathe. "I love you," I say weakly. My voice quivers, my voice shakes, "I love you so much." His breath dances across my collarbone, warm yet giving me goosebumps. Mews of pleasure, muffled grunts of ecstasy.<em>

_A smooth rhythm, a pinch of pain for minutes of pure pleasure. My fingers rake across his back claiming him as mine and only mine. "Am I hurting you?" his voice is aching, desperate. I shake my head. No, never. He doesn't hurt me. He wouldn't hurt me. Again his lips find mine, warm, reassuring. He nuzzles into my neck, my skin tingling as the scruff of his jaw presses against me. Teasing against my collarbone, I arch my back. "I love you," his voice sends vibrations down my spine. Against my neck, his fingers trace across my waist. I wrap my ankles around him. "Never leave me."_

_"I won't," I pant, pulling him closer by the shoulders. "Never, I love you."_

My eyes snap open, my heart racing in my chest. The white ceiling of my room comes into view and I take a deep breath. I force myself out of bed and rush to the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face to bring some color back. I'm blushing at myself in the mirror. Did I really just dream that? I really just dreamt that. My thoughts are racing faster than my heart; I can't focus on anything but the warmth in my stomach. Splash of water, splash of water, what just happened?

I race out of the bathroom and into the kitchen where Haymitch sits drinking some sort of hot liquid. I know it's not coffee, they're not allowed to have coffee in District 13. "You alright?" he raises an eyebrow. I glance at the clock on the wall, it's 7:30. Perfect.

"Fine," I shake my head, sliding on my shoes by the door. "I'll be right back."

"I've got special defense in an hour," he tells me, but I'm already out the door, my feet carrying me through the cool hallways of District 13. I have to know. I have to know if that was a memory, if that really happened. If it did… that changes a lot, that changes everything. Part of me is hoping it was just a dream; the other half craves more, is desperate for more. His touch was magnetic, it was just a dream. His breath was reassuring, just a dream, just a dream. I pound on the door of the Hawthorne's, they're surely awake by now.

Hazelle's the one to answer, raising an eyebrow curiously at me. "Is Gale home?" I ask desperately, and she nods, ushering me into the house. I rush forward, not caring about how well I know these people anymore, and find Gale in the kitchen reading a book. When he sees me he snaps it shut, hiding it under the table instantly.

"Madge, what are you…"

"Did we have sex?" I burst out quickly. His eyes widen and dart to Hazelle who follows me into the room a few moments later.

"No," he responds just as fast. Almost too fast. "Why?"

I turn to Hazelle, my cheeks surely pink now. "I, I don't know. I was just wondering is all." He raises an eyebrow and drops his gaze.

"You were against it," he says weakly. "Didn't want to rush." Something about his voice is off, but I believe him.

I pull my fingers through my hair, "I just had to know, I mean everyone says we were crazy about each other and… I'm going back to bed." Hazelle laughs, pushing me lightly toward the door. "Sorry for interrupting your morning."

"Never a bother, dear," Hazelle strokes my hair, and then I'm in the hallway back to Haymitch's again. My feet take a ridiculously long time getting there, all I can think about is that dream. It was so real, so… different, it gets my stomach in knots. I rake my fingers through my scalp and tug on the tips of my hair. I'm so confused. I need answers, hell I need answers. When I finally get back to my unit Haymitch is still sitting at the table, although his cup of hot liquid is gone.

"Wanna tell me what that was about?" he says as I sit across from him.

"I had a dream, is all. Wanted to see if it was real." He pauses, waiting for me to continue. "It _wasn't_. It was just a dream," I grumble angrily. I think I wanted it to be real. Wanted someone to touch me like that, love me like that. They say he does, he says he does, I don't know. My head is spinning and I blink, trying to get myself to breathe. It should've been real.

"Sure, sweetheart. What was it?"

"My business," I snap back. He smirks and takes his empty cup to the sink. "Haymitch, do you ever think I'll remember everything?"

"I don't know," he says honestly, pausing at the sink and leaning over slightly. "I hope so."

"What about Peeta?" I ask, "Will he ever be the same?"

"I don't think so," Haymitch says slowly.

"So you don't think I will either," I note. "You think I'm always going to be like this."

"I didn't say that," he grumbles, turning to face me. "What happened to you and Peeta are two totally opposite things." He watches me for a moment as my eyes stay downcast. "Madge, you're gonna remember."

"But not everything," I say quietly. "I won't remember everything, the little things, the tiny details." I rub my eyes. "That's what matters to me, the little details, the little things I remember for myself that no one else could ever remember for me. The way someone smelled or how their hand felt in my hand or the stitching of a fabric." His eyebrows furrow as he takes the seat across from me. "I'm just tired."

"You'll remember. One day."

"Well I want that day to be today," I hiss. "And it isn't going to be, and it isn't going to be tomorrow either. Or the next day, or the next day. I don't want to have to ask people what actually happened, what's real and what isn't. I just want to know."

"Undersee,"

"I'm going back to bed," I sigh, pushing myself away from the table and running to my room quickly. I collapse backwards against my door, slinking to the ground slowly. I just want to know, that's all I want. I want to know.

* * *

><p>I finally convince myself to look at the temporary tattoo on my arm. Haymitch forced it under the scanner today, and as much as I try, it won't scrub off. I hate this place. I skipped the entire morning just to lie in bed, just to think. I told Haymitch he should be happy I at least got the damn thing on my arm, but no, he actually wants me to attend classes and whatnot. I glance at the clock on my wall and the stamp on my arm. I'm just another product. District 13 is like the prisons only we get to walk ourselves from place to place.<p>

But right now, the stamp tells me lunch, and I'm starving, so I force myself out of bed and toward the cafeteria. I walk in and instantly spot Bristel, nestled up against Thom and across from Katniss. She must be done surgery. Prim and Rory are there too, as well as Johanna, but not Gale. I'm somewhat thankful for that considering my outburst this morning. It was a little uncalled for. I stride over and sit down with them, the seat across from Katniss. She doesn't glance up from her plate, instead just picks at it.

"Good afternoon," I say politely. Mostly everyone responds happily. Once they all start to eat I realize the atmosphere is strangely quiet. "Where's Gale?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood some.

"Strawberries for lunch," Katniss mutters. I raise an eyebrow as she looks up at me. "He never eats in the cafeteria when there're strawberries."

"…What? Why not?"

Her hands clench and unclench. "That's why he's not here, because there're _strawberries_. Even when everyone thought you were dead he didn't eat with us."

"Katniss," Prim says gently. "Madge doesn't understand…"

"We used to sell them to you," Katniss finally mumbles. "They were your favorite. I only just figured out that's why he doesn't come. Only when there're strawberries though." Our small group of people falls silent as Katniss scowls at them. "What? It's true. That was how you guys met." Her voice is angry, disgusted even. "Don't you remember?"

"No," I say weakly.

"Well isn't that a shame," she says back, pushing herself away from the table with a half eaten plate, and exiting the room quickly. Everyone's eyes flicker to me but I drop my gaze.

"I'll go talk to her," Prim volunteers herself, leaving the table to chase after her sister.

"Does she really hate me that much?" I ask nervously.

"No," Bristel shakes her head. "You two were friends. Are friends. She's just upset." I shrug, and then I am also leaving the table. I won't follow Prim and Katniss though, whatever Katniss is on about will pass. I know she's upset with me, she has every right to be. If what I'm told is correct, when Gale and I were together we never told her. Gale's her best friend, and apparently I was too, so that's a low blow. Kind of makes me hate myself. Not only that but she's losing Peeta because of what the Capitol did to him, I'm sure she thought that she still had Gale.

Against my better judgment my feet take me back to the Hawthorne's. Gale's the one to open the door and he lets me in wordlessly. "Strawberries?" I ask weakly.

He lets out a dry laugh, "I'm working on it, alright?"

"It's just a fruit, Gale."

"It's how we met," he says back, collapsing onto the couch. My stomach turns, he must really love me. I follow slowly, sitting next to him. "Vick and Posy are here," he tells me gently. If I listen hard enough I can hear them in their rooms playing with some sort of toy. "So is my mom."

"Right," I say back. I don't know what the warning was for, but okay. "Have you talked to Katniss about… about us?"

Again, his laugh is dry. "Yeah. Tried to, anyway. She's really angry."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," he says. "The whole situation was just…" he trails off, leaning over on his knees with his elbows. "Not that I regret it, I don't, I just wish it wasn't so complicated." I nod, waiting for him to continue. "She's still my best friend, she just looks at me differently. I thought she'd be happy for me…" Gale shakes his head. "I don't know. She'll get over it later, I guess."

"Sorry I've caused such a ruckus."

He laughs, "Ruckus?" I shrug and his smile brightens. I've decided I like when he smiles. "Are you busy?" I shake my head no and he stands up. "Can I show you something?"

"Sure," I follow after him. "What is it?"

He leads me out of his unit and holds the door open for me, walking a comfortable distance away from me. "I've been working on something with Beetee, you know, once they found you and all. He got it all figured out a few nights ago but I wasn't sure if you were ready… I don't know."

"Well what is it?" I ask again, a smile playing at my lips. Gale takes a turn down a corridor and I follow slowly. It's not the hospital wing, or special defense. In fact, it's a whole new section I haven't seen. "Where are we?"

"Secret," he says back. Again, I'm smiling. He opens a door and ushers me inside, closing it lightly behind us. The lights flicker on and my eyes adjust to the room. "I know yellow isn't the best color," he says, "but I didn't want it to be white, because, well you know." I nod, my eyes skirting over the dull sunshine that spreads across the walls, patterns on the floor. "And I didn't know what kind of chair so…" there's just a couch. It's a small room, one television in the center, the couch in the back. A coffee table on one side, on it sits some sort of tablet. "It was a last minute type of thing, just kind of thrown together. Coin didn't even want it, said it wasn't top priority…"

"I'm not a fan of television," I say quietly.

"I know," he runs his hand through his hair, "but this is all I could come up with on short notice. We don't have to if you don't…"

"Well what is it?" I ask, making my way to the couch. He follows after, sitting next to me. "I mean what's it for?"

"The Capitol took videos of District 12," he tells me. "The ones they used against you. They were still all on file, Beetee hacked in and got them all out. I thought maybe seeing them again would trigger something, I don't know. It's stupid."

"No its not," I say quickly. All the videos the Capitol took from me, an entire expanse of the memories they stole. "Let's watch some."

"Are you sure? If you're not ready for it then…"

"Gale," I turn to him. "I want to remember. You said you'd help me."

"I don't want you to have to think about the prison," he grumbles. "If it makes you upset,"

"Just play a damn video," I scold him. He looks conflicted but eventually reaches over to grab the tablet. "Start from the beginning." With a nod, he scrolls for a few moments and then hits something, a video appears on the screen in front of us. I hate the television. I hate it so much.

"Madge," Gale's voice is strained, he leans like he wants to reach for me but doesn't know if he should. Eventually he doesn't, instead just runs his hands back through his hair.

"I'm fine," I say back, unclenching the fist I didn't know what clenched. "I just need to breathe a bit." He nods, leaning back to sit straight. The video plays on and I blink, the images registering in my mind. "When was this?"

"My birthday," he says gently. A girl that looks like me sits on a log next to a boy that looks like Thom. "First night you drank," he says, trying to suppress his smile. "The," he hesitates, "the strawberry spirits were your favorite." Again with the strawberry.

"You're funny, you know that?" Thom says in the video.

"I know," the other me responds. Gale snorts from next to me.

"Haven't you seen these?" I raise my eyebrows and cross my arms.

"Only a few, once or twice," he admits with a smile. "You're just funny when you're drunk." I lean over and push him and he laughs again, blocking my hands. "You are! Look!"

"Are you gonna kiss me now?" the drunk me asks Thom. Now it's my turn to snort.

"Why'd you let me drink?" I push Gale again.

A grin breaks across his face, "You wanted to! I told you not to unless you wanted to, and you did!"

I cross my arms angrily as the video reels on. "Hell Madge," Thom says in the replay, "I'd never do anything to a drunk girl! Especially you, Gale would murder me." I lift my eyebrows and look at the boy next to me.

"Did you like me then?" I ask. He nods. "For how long?" His shoulders lift in a shrug.

"Awhile," he presses the fast forward button until it shows me and him sitting on a log. I'm wiping a cut up the side of his cheek. "Got in a fight over you," he smirks. "Night of firsts for us. First fight."

"There were more?" I inquire. He laughs and nods his head. "Interesting." The thought of someone fighting over me, the thought of _Gale_ fighting over me, it makes me nervous, makes knots bunch up in my stomach. "Do you still have the scar? From the cut? Or did it not scar?"

"Er," his hand reaches up to his face, "I don't know." I lean forward, grabbing his chin and turning it toward me. My fingers trail across his cheek until I find a dip in his skin. His eyes flicker shut, his breathing hitches. "Madge," he whispers, one of his hands reaching up to grab mine. "Don't."

"What else happened that night?" I ask faintly.

"We held hands. You agreed to go on a date with me. You kissed me."

"Gale," I say back. _Are you finished, Dr. Undersee_, the voice on the TV croons. I turn to watch and Gale cups my cheek. Not TV Gale, but real Gale, right here, right now. He leans forward, his forehead pressing against mine. "What's harder?" I breathe. His head slides down, his cheek pressing against mine. I feel his breath on my neck. "Me being dead, or me not remembering?" His hand reaches toward the tablet so he can pause the video, and then it wraps around my waist.

"Both," he chokes out. "They're two different kinds of torture. When I thought you were dead…" his arm wraps tighter and I drop my head to his shoulder. "Am I too close?" I shake my head no, I need him closer. "Madge if I'm too close,"

"No, just keep talking," I plead. "When you thought I was dead…"

"I couldn't feel anything," he whimpers. "I wanted to give up, I wanted to quit. Emptiness, that was all I had. Not even Posy could get me to laugh." My hand reaches up and wraps around his neck, my fingers darting to his hair line. "And now… now it's just a never ending ache in my stomach. You see me, and I can hold you like this, but what does it mean to you?"

"Don't do that," I grumble as he leans away, pulling my chin up. "It's helping. I… I feel safe," I tell him nervously. He smiles weakly, pushing a strand of hair out of my face. "You did that a lot. Before, you know. Push my hair back."

His eyes light up, "Did I?"

"Yeah," I nod. "Last time you did it… I remembered a bit. Well, it was mostly just an image. You and me laying in the grass… you always had your hands in my hair."

"That could be true," he nods. My eyes flicker to his lips and his tongue darts out to wet them. "I like your hair."

I force my eyes back up to his, "Do you still love me?"

Again his forehead is pressing against mine. "More than you could imagine." I reach up, my fingers trailing against his face, across his cheek, down the bridge of his nose, under his earlobe. "Do you believe that you loved me?" he asks faintly.

"Yes. I know I love you, but I… right now I…" his nose bumps mine and I swallow. "I like you." That's all I can come up with. His presence, it's familiar, it's comforting. I _know _I like him. But that's all I can conjure.

He chuckles, "That's a step, I guess."

"I know there's something," I say, trying to get him to understand me. "I feel it. I feel it whenever I'm with you, whenever you…" his hand is against my cheek again. "That. But I need more than that."

"No rush," he breathes, his lips pressing quickly against my nose. "You hear Finnick and Annie are getting married?" I shake my head no quickly. The thought makes me smile. The poor, mad girl from the cell next to me. The girl who liked to laugh. Getting married to her true love. "Will you go with me? To the wedding?"

"I don't know," I drop my head. Gale's fingers dances across my cheek.

"Too close?" he whispers. I shake my head and pull my gaze up again. "Too _fast_?" I don't know, I can't tell if this is too fast. I want to touch him, feel his skin against mine, breathe in his breath. But it's just a craving, an indescribable itch. "You still don't remember anything," he croaks. "Do you?" After I'm hesitant to answer he finally pulls away. His eyes flicker up to meet mine and they're pained, his eyebrows angled sadly. "You remember some of the feelings you had for me, but not me," he notes, his eyes taking on an angry form. Gale takes a deep breath, obviously trying to calm himself. "I hate them."

"Gale," I sigh.

"If you could remember me, if you could look into my eyes and see everything that we've done together, everything we've been through, you'd understand." He shakes his head angrily. "I swear to you I'm not gonna stop until we win this. This war."

"Which war?" I ask quietly.

"Both. The one with us, me and you, but the one against them too. I'm not gonna stop." I nod and he pushes himself from the couch. I watch as he paces to the door, but stops. "Madge, I…"

"It's okay," I stand up, following after him. "You can go, I understand." He needs to breathe, get some anger out. Instead, however, Gale turns to me, leaning down once more. "That offer to kiss me still stands," I say as his proximity increases. His lips hover over mine, I can taste his breath.

"Tell me something about us from before," he asks in a hushed voice. "Something I haven't told you, that other people haven't told you." I frown, all I have is what people told me, but he smiles a bit. "Once you can do that, okay? Once you can tell me something like that. Then I'll kiss you."

"What if I can't?" I ask angrily. "What if I never remember anything?"

He shakes his head. "You will." Gale leans away from me and starts toward the door again. "So the wedding?" he asks, holding open the door so I can pass through. A smile cracks on my face and I nod, the two of us walking back to his house together.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I think the wedding'll be next chapter, I'm not entirely quite sure. Wanted to slip this scene in there somewhere. I hope it's understandable, the thing about how she knows her feelings but doesn't know why. Let me know your thoughts!_

_Edit: Yes, Madge and Gale did have sex. Yes, Gale lied. For starters, his mother was right there. Awkward, much? Secondly, how would you feel if all of a sudden you have a sex dream and that's basically you remembering your entire sex experience with someone you barely know. He didn't want Madge to freak out, I think that's a pretty big step. Also, the part about her remembering things, Gale isn't really saying he wants her to say something, that's just how it comes out. He wants her to be sure, to be ready, and to feel the same way back. _


	53. Chapter 53

**Disclaimer: I just really love Rory and Madge's relationship ok.**

* * *

><p>"Just pick one," Rory frowns, crossing his arms and staring down at the four different shirts on the floor. My eyes scan over them, each different, each confusing. He's laid out four shirts, all strange to see considering no one's allowed to wear anything but this bland gray. I bet this is one of those tests that'll show them if I'm mentally unstable. Like if I pick one it means there's anger in my heart or something weird like that.<p>

"Why?" I ask again. "What's the point of this whole thing?"

"I'll tell you once you pick one," he mutters, gesturing to the shirts again. All men shirts, all short sleeved. One's white with a stain down the center, another's gray like a typical District 13 shirt only a lot darker. "The one you're most drawn too." The other two I linger on for a moment. They're familiar. "Madge,"

"I'm deciding," I grumble at him. Rory's face lifts into a smirk and he crosses his arm. Rory's the one who's been helping me the most in therapy. They've given us an allotted time to spend together on that stupid schedule they're making me follow now. I use our meetings to get me out of history and Rory out of math. Working around the system. I decide to look at the other two shirts again, the ones that seem too familiar to have been picked at random. One's red, just red. A faded vintage type of red. The other's the color of clay, of sand. Across it are faded words I can't make out, something about the mines. "That one," I point to the last. It reminds me of home… reminds me of, well, something. It looks familiar.

Rory picks up the one the color of clay, "This one?" A smile cracks on his face. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I reach forward and twist the fabric in my hands. "It… it feels right."

"Really?" I nod again and he lets out a laugh. "Madge, you remember a lot more than what you give yourself credit." I raise an eyebrow and toss the shirt at him. "You slept in this shirt a lot."

"What?" I cross my arms angrily. "Why?"

"When you stayed at my house, anyway." Oh. _Oh_. "Gale told me." I grab the shirt out of his hand and hold it up, like a nightgown it would hang just above my knees. "Your face is _so_ red," Rory teases, and then I throw the shirt at him again. "Hey!" he laughs.

"Shut up, Rory."

"I'm only joking, kind of," he snickers. "Listen, this is good, it means you're starting to remember more things. Little things." I sigh, wondering if I really remembered or if I just got lucky. I hope it's the former. "Smile, would you?" I force my lips in an upward curve and he laughs.

"Hey, what time is it? I've got to see Peeta." He checks his watch and tells me the time, and then I'm being ushered into the cell they're holding Peeta in. I haven't seen him in awhile although Haymitch tells me he goes through frequent mood swings. I had a dream about Peeta the other night, we were just sitting there laughing. That was all. Just us laughing. When I push through the door he's standing there with a tube of frosting in his hand. "Peeta?" He holds up his hand to shush me, finishes the flower he's working on, and then raises his eyes. "Hi."

"Hi," he says back, a hint of a smile on his face. "Do you like the cake?" I scratch my head, this Peeta is much different from the one I first talked to. He's frosting a cake. He's not restrained.

"I love it," I nod. I study the flowers that wrap around the outside. "You did this all by yourself?"

"Well don't sound too impressed," he scoffs, leaning down to touch up a few petals. I lean backwards against the wall to watch him. "They say you're improving."

"You look to be improving, too," I note. His cheeks are rosy pink, his hair clean and bright on the top of his head. His eyes aren't hardened blue, they're crystal clear.

He shrugs, "Obviously not enough if I'm still being locked up." I cringe at his words which were aimed at me, and he hands me a tube of icing. "Here, do a flower. It's therapeutic." I snort, taking a step over to the cake.

"It's too pretty, I don't want to mess it up."

"Come on, Madge, it'll be like old times." I squint at him, but don't question his words. "When we were really little my dad would let us decorate the cookies. It was only once or twice."

"Sounds nice," I note, studying one of Peeta's flowers and doing one as similar as I can next to it. "Have you been remembering anything else?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes I'll remember something one day and forget it the next." I nearly drop my tube at this. Will this happen with me, too? Every time something new is unveiled… will it just be covered again? "Don't worry, it eventually sticks with me. That's what they say, anyway. They say sometimes I get really angry too, that I throw things and scream and stuff. Doesn't sound like me." It doesn't sound like the Peeta I first met, but maybe it sounds like this one.

"Peeta," I reach out and rest my hand on his arm. He tenses at my touch and looks up from his cake.

"They think I'm crazy," he says quietly. "Like I want to be like this."

"I know you don't, that you aren't," my eyes flicker to the glass. "You know they're watching you."

"Of course I know," he rolls his eyes, and I drop my hand from his arm. "Doesn't necessarily help me feeling crazy." His free hand rakes through his hair and he sighs, dropping his tube of icing on the table.

"What the Capitol did to us… none of them understand. They don't know what it's like, Peeta." He turns to me and suddenly smiles brightly, the pain from moments ago evaporating instantly. "There, that's Peeta. That's the Peeta I know."

He laughs, "Thought you couldn't remember." I pause for a moment, watching as he turns back to the cake. I couldn't. But… but that was Peeta. Happy, smiling, selfless. "You should come talk to me more, Madge. It's nice seeing a familiar face. It helps."

I nod, "I will." Someone knocks on the door signaling that my time with Peeta is up. "I hate that they make our time so short." They said it's to prevent outbursts, but if he doesn't look like he's going to yell then why should they separate us?

"I'll see you later, Madge," he says, and then he's back to work on his cake. As I exit the room I turn to Haymitch who has been watching the entire interaction.

"That's the best I've seen him talking to someone else," he tells me quietly. "Right then, when he talked to you."

"It's the cake," I tell him firmly. "Plus he's not tied down anymore." They need to learn that tying Peeta down isn't going to help him, just make him more afraid. "Also I think it's because I didn't mention Katniss. He might've gotten angry if I did."

"Speaking of Katniss," Haymitch strokes at his chin, "she wants to see you." I raise an eyebrow and he shrugs. "Don't ask me, I'm just the messenger."

* * *

><p>"Katniss?" I knock on the door lightly and she looks up from the table. It looks like she was writing something but didn't get very far. "Haymitch… Haymitch said you wanted to see me. Can I come in?" She nods and I stride across the room, taking the seat across from her. I allow her to study me for a moment, her eyes tracing my hair, the curves that make up my face. I study her too, the braid that hangs over her shoulder, the confusion in her eyes. "I know you don't like me," I say quietly. "If I was you I probably wouldn't like me either. What Gale and I hid from you was wrong."<p>

"Yes, it was," she says, leaning forward on her elbows. I slink backwards in my seat. "But it's not your fault. I'm sorry I've been… angry with you." She struggles with the words, unsure of how to say them, unsure if she means them. She's never liked talking about things like this, she's not good at it. "Gale's my best friend… if you make him happy…" she scowls, looking down at the table. "I'm not good at this."

"It's okay," I say quietly.

"I don't hate you. I'm just…" she trails off. She's stressed. She's tired. She misses her best friend. She misses Peeta. I nod in understanding, at least as close as understanding as I can reach. "Just… just don't hurt him, okay?" I smile and also look at the table. "I've heard how he is with you, everyone says he's a lot different. Not as hostile, I don't know. I haven't seen." Everyone says he's different with me, more gentle, but I don't know enough of the other Gale to judge. He was a bit harsh with me when I first got to 13, though. She tugs at her braid, "He was never like that with me."

All I can manage to say is, "I'm sorry."

She waves it off and our eyes meet again. "I need to learn how to deal with things," she tells me, a hint of a smile on her face. "I already lost Peeta," her voice gives out when she says his name, "I don't want to lose you or Gale because I can't accept your… relationship. No matter how hard it might be. Or strange it is."

"So that's it?" I ask, my voice hitching. "We're… we're okay?"

She nods and I can't help but push myself out of my chair, running over to her as quickly as I can and wrapping her in a tight hug. She laughs, her arms circling back around me. "It's good to see you, Madge."

"You too, Katniss."

* * *

><p>The hovercraft dips down closer to District 12 so Annie, Katniss, her prep team, and I will be able to get off safely. "Just don't look out the windows if you aren't ready," Katniss says quietly. I'll have to face the destruction of our District soon enough, but not today. Today is for celebrating, today we find Annie her wedding dress. As we get closer to the ground, however, my stomach aches and lurches up to my chest. My mother, my father, the man named Kasen who cooked our meals. Jace, the boy with green eyes. The District is a place of heartache for me.<p>

Annie starts laughing and I pull myself back to reality. Katniss's eyes grow wide and she looks into her lap. She isn't very comfortable around Annie yet. "Annie," I say gently. The giggles stop and she looks toward me with a smile. "How'd Finnick ask you to marry him?" I decide to change the subject completely without belittling her with some child question.

"Oh, it was so sweet," she sighs. Katniss's prep team leans in, excited to hear some news. "We were just laying there together and he slipped the ring onto my finger, whispering everything he loved about me…" she holds out her hand and I gaze at the gem, bright green, much like Finnick. Beautiful. I can't help but glance at the ring on my finger, the one Haymitch gave me. No gem, nothing fancy, just the promise of freedom. I'm not sure whose ring I like better.

After that we all hop off the hovercraft. Katniss ushers me inside her house before I can look back, and I'm thankful for that. She still looks at me strangely but all negative attitudes are dropped. I don't blame her for the hostility, no matter how much it hurt. I deserved it, and she deserved to be feeling it. Katniss takes us all to her room upstairs and as she opens her closet the room falls silent. The prep team starts sniffling and Katniss has to look away for a moment. After a brief time spent thanking Cinna, everyone jumps right into it. Katniss and I sit on her bed as the prep team throws dress after dress at Annie, forcing her to try them all on. Annie wears a delightful smile on her face throughout the duration of the time, spinning in each, yet her eyes stay distant and foggy. Katniss comments on a few of them but I make sure to tell Annie that she looks great in each. She does, too, and it's nice to see clothes other than the gray we're always forced to wear.

Eventually, Annie slips into a green silk dress that brings out the highlights in her eyes. "That's it!" I shout, pointing to the dress as she twirls. "That's it, Annie!" The prep team and Katniss both agree with me. As her prep team takes Annie into another room to make a few alterations to the dress, Katniss and I start cleaning up the dresses on the ground. "I wish I could wear some of these," I sigh, fingering the soft fabric in my hands.

"You can," Katniss says lightly, holding up one. "Coin gave special permission for everyone to dress up instead of just Finnick and Annie. Plutarch convinced her." My eyes widen as she tosses a dress at me. "Go on, try it on."

"Are you serious?" I look down at the creation I hold, it feels so foreign in my hands. She nods and picks up another dress. "What will you wear?"

"This one," she holds it up. It's a deep red dress with a neckline that goes straight across. It poofs out a bit around the waist, but not to the point where it's frilly. "It was my favorite. You should wear that one, or maybe one of these." Katniss gestures to a rack where multiple sparkling dresses hang. We spend the next few minutes trying on different ones, but the ones she suggested always fit wrong. Finally she hands me a short blue dress, made of silk. "You look nice in blue," she says quietly. "You should wear it."

* * *

><p>Considering Haymitch isn't very good at helping when it comes to weddings I go over to Katniss's house. Prim, Johanna, Bristel, and Annie are all there as well. Mrs. Everdeen does everyone's hair as silently and patiently as she heals someone's wound. She leaves mine down a bit but curls the tips gently. Prim wears a dress that makes her look like a fairy. Even Johanna smiles. The mood the wedding is putting everyone in makes me overly excited.<p>

"You look great, Madge," Bristel tells me as I stare at myself in the mirror. It's so strange to see me so made up. I haven't felt pretty in a very long time, haven't felt like myself.

"Are you sure the dress isn't too short?" I ask quickly. The dress I'm wearing is the silk blue one Katniss suggested. It hangs a bit above my knees, and the neckline shows off a small amount of chest. The straps are thick and hold the dress up firmly, my body fills out the curves of the fabric. "Too revealing?"

"Well I'm sure Haymitch wouldn't approve," she jeers back, "but yes, I'm sure. You look stunning." I have an obsession with running my hand over the silky fabric, back and forth. It calms me. I'm nervous. I agreed for Gale to take me. "Hey," Bristel grabs my arm after noticing the alarm on my face. "He'll love it, okay? You look great. Come on, let's go." We wave our goodbyes to the other girls and then make our way to the Hawthorne residence. Posy lets us in, yelling about how beautiful and pretty we look, and Hazelle exits her room to look at us.

"Girls," she gushes, straightening her own dress down her thighs. "You look _gorgeous_!" I can't help but blush, the entire event is becoming too much for me. Posy pulls me down to the couch as Hazelle and Bristel keep talking. "All I said was that they had to brush their hair and they'd be fine but no, they have to go spend hours getting ready…"

Posy giggles at her mother's comment. "Madge, you look super pretty."

"So do you, Posy," I tap her nose. She has on a flowing pink dress that goes down to her tiny ankles, her hair is back in a ponytail. "I made them get a pink dress just for you because I know you love pink."

"Oh, Madge!" she cheers, throwing her small arms around me. "You're the best!" I laugh and hug her back. "Mommy put my hair up and it took forever, she said I kept fridgeiting."

"Fidgeting," Hazelle corrects with a smile. "I tried braiding it…" her eyes widen and she shakes her head. "Too much work." I laugh, leaning up to tap Posy's head. Posy then decides to start telling me all about her day, how she woke up early just so she could help Hazelle look nice and her brothers. She tells me how Vick refused to wear a tie because it was too itchy and how Rory's only wearing one so he can look 'smart'. She then complains about how she hasn't seen Gale because he and Thom are getting ready all secretly and then she starts giggling because she bets they don't want to look silly. As she tells her story I'm unaware of the shift in the room, I just keep nodding and laughing.

Finally I look up and realize Gale's standing in the hallway, leaning against the wall and looking at me. His arms are crossed loosely over his chest and he wears a gentle smile. "Wow," he breathes. I stand up quickly, straightening my dress over my thighs.

"Gale," I say quickly, and his smile brightens. Hazelle makes quick work of scurrying into the kitchen, calling Posy to follow after her. Thom exits a few moments later and strides right up to Bristel, leaning down and kissing her gently while whispering something only she can hear. She smiles so greatly it looks as if her cheeks might burst. I turn back to Gale and take a few steps closer to him. "You clean up nice," I say quietly. I study the blue of his tie that makes so perfectly with my dress against his white dress shirt, the contrast of his dark black pants.

"You look beautiful," he counters, his eyes washing over me, down the curves of my body, up the curls of my hair. "Hell, Madge," his hand reaches to cup my face and he tugs on a strand of my hair. Thom coughs and Gale drops his hand, looking up toward his friend with narrow eyes. "I guess we should go then?" He offers his arm and I feel my cheeks flare up. "Tell me if I cross a line," he whispers. I nod, the hair on the back of my neck standing up as I loop around his arm. "First date," he murmurs. I elbow him in the ribs and he lets out a chuckle, pulling his arm closer so I have to walk closer.

We arrive at the wedding fairly early and take seats near the front, A few people are already here too. We sit near Katniss and Prim, who has Rory sitting next to her. Rory looks smart, just like Posy had said. Out of the corner of my eye I watch Katniss studying me and Gale as we sit down, and then he tips his head, and she smiles at him. As the wedding procession goes on Gale's hand finds mine, he traces the carvings on the inside, back and forth, side to side. Every once in awhile he'll give me a reassuring squeeze, but he always goes back to tracing it. The ceremony continues, some sort of ritual with a net and salt water, and then the fun begins.

The tables and chairs are pushed out of the way and a fiddler starts playing some sort of familiar tune I must've heard back in District 12. Greasy Sae rushes over and grabs Gale who lets go of me with a laugh, running into the center of the room and starts a face off. Many people jump at the opportunity of this and then two large lines are formed. Gale rushes back, grabbing my hand and pulling me in. "Gale!" I laugh, trying to get him off. "I don't know how!"

"Just trust me," he grins, stationing himself in the line across from me. He starts showing me how to do the steps and other people too, but I'm laughing too hard to get any of them right. Once I slip and end up in Gale's arms as he chuckles, stationing me up right again. Slower, he teaches me the moves.

"Did we ever dance together before?"

He gasps, "You don't remember that time out in the moonlight?" I turn, raising an eyebrow, waiting for him to share the story. "Madge, I'm joking," he laughs. "Tonight isn't a night for you to ask questions, it's for you to have _fun_. It's okay to make new memories, too." The night carries on, me switching between dancing partners with each song. Bristel, Haymitch, Katniss, Thom, Prim, even Rory takes a dance with me. I'm dizzy from all the spinning, my cheeks are flushed with excitement, happiness.

As I'm dancing with the younger Hawthorne the song changes to something slower. He spins me right into the arms of Gale. "Have fun you two," he winks, and then he's away, looking for Prim with eager eyes.

Gale slides his hands around my waist quickly and I nervously snake mine around his neck. "Hey," he says gently. His face is flushed, he's spent the entire time on his feet. He's danced with elders, young children, basically anyone and everyone who can walk.

I laugh, "Hi." Despite his crowded ever-moving night, he looks just as handsome. The tinge of pink in his cheeks makes me blush.

"Having fun?" I nod and he smiles, repositioning his grip around my back. "Madge, you've got to give me something to work with."

"Hm?" I ask confused. He drops his hands before grabbing my wrist and twirling me once. "Hey," I laugh again. The mood of this night is contagious, enchanting. All I want to do is laugh, to smile.

"Dance! You're just standing there swaying!"

"I don't know how," I bite my lip. "Not slow dancing, I don't know how to do that." I can't fast dance either, despite everyone's attempts to teach me. Thom spent the majority of our dance together laughing at me and trying to get me to stand on his feet so he could show me what to do.

He raises an eyebrow, "It's like playing the piano."

I roll my eyes, "I don't know how to play the piano, Gale. If it was that simple then…" he stops in his tracks. "What?"

"What do you mean you don't know how to play the piano?" his face takes on a pain stricken gaze.

"I mean," I stutter out quickly, "I know, I know that I used to play the piano. I mean Prim said I did anyway, and I kind of remember it a little bit, but I haven't played since I've been here." His eyebrows furrow and he scratches his neck lightly. "I don't even know if I remember how to play. It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal? Madge," he scowls, "you and the piano go hand in hand. Come on," his fingers wrap lightly around my wrist and he starts tugging me out of the room.

"Gale," I frown, trying to hank my hand out of his grasp but he only holds tighter. "What about the wedding?"

He waves it off, "We'll be back before they notice we're gone." I check over my shoulder and catch Rory grinning up at us as he sways slowly with Prim. "You're going to play," he says once my feet pick up pace to match his stride. "Tonight." Then he sneaks me out of the room, leading me down through the twists and turns of District 13 to the only known place with a piano.

* * *

><p><em>AN: No, Madge hasn't forgotten to play the piano again, she just doesn't really ever remember playing. It'll come naturally. One of my readers asked me to put out the word about their SYOT Hunger Games (/s/8162225/1/The_87th_Hunger_Games). Check it out! Submit someone! How're you liking the wedding?_


	54. Chapter 54

**Disclaimer: Goodie but a badie.**

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><p>"Wow," I gasp when he pushes open the door. A white piano sits in the middle of the room and my grin brightens. "It's <em>beautiful<em>."

"Mmm," Gale agrees with my statement but his eyes dart toward me. It's so nice to see something other than gray, something that condones creativity. My heart sings as I rush toward it, collapsing in the seat and allowing my fingers to skirt over the keys without pressing them. Gale stays in the back a bit, watching as I burst with excitement. "Play something," he laughs. The sound of his laugh is more beautiful than the piano and I find myself blushing. I try to cover it up even though he's behind me and can't see my face.

"Like what?" his footsteps indicate he's getting closer, his fingers reach down to press a key.

"Anything." I push his hand away as he lowers himself onto the bench next to me. Gale's hand rests on the other side of my seat but he doesn't touch me. He's still trying to keep his distance just in case. When will he learn that he's the only want I want this close to me?

"There are so many options," I say nervously, "I wish I had some sheet music." I press my fingers against a key and feel myself melt with the noise it creates. Classic, harmonious, I'm home. My eyes flicker shut as my fingers dart across the piano gently. Slow at first, but gradually picking up speed. Gale's hand slips around my waist and I hear him sigh. I snap open my eyes and find him smiling.

"Keep going," he urges. "I just want to listen." Oh, how I ached to play again! How good it feels to do something you hadn't realized you had been craving to do. Soft tinkling sounds fill the room, quiet, serene. "You're a natural," his voice is a whisper in my ear. The hair on the back of my neck stands up and I can almost feel his lips against my skin. Suddenly my playing stops, I think for a moment. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I shake my head. I want to play a song, a specific song. A song that I wrote. "I'm trying to remember a tune." His hand slips from my waist but I reach down, pulling it back up. A throaty chuckle escapes him as his grip tightens, his chin reaching down to rest against my shoulder. His breath is in my ear sending goosebumps over my entire body. "I think it goes like this," I reply faintly, pressing out a tune nervously as I try to remember it. I'm unsure of the chords, when the tempo picks up and slows. "Does it sound familiar?" I ask Gale. He turns his head toward the keyboard and pulls his face away from my chin, nodding slowly. "Good, good." He says nothing, only listens, and then as I become surer of the notes unraveling in my head I pick up speed. Finally, the song comes to an end.

"It's like falling in love with you all over again," he whispers faintly as my hands pause over the keys. I turn to him, raising my eyes a bit. "You have no idea. Watching you dance with Rory… watching you play the piano," his voice falters and he peels his hand from my waist. "I don't know what to do."

There's a pause as I squeeze my eyes shut, listening to the song I just played as it reverberates in my head. "I wrote that song for you," I tell him quietly.

"You wrote it for the recital," he corrects lightly. "The one Prim told you about." I remember the recital, the dress that made me look cheap, the green eyed boy staring at me from behind the curtains. There's even a faint memory of flowers after being hugged tightly.

I shake my head, "Yes, but no. I wrote it for you, it's about you." I can feel it, I know it's about him. "About the first time you took me in the woods." Gale squints at me, confused at what I'm saying. "And when you brought me flowers or held my hand, it's how you made me feel."

Faintly, he says, "You never told me that."

I look down at the keys as if they'll provide me with some sort of answer, some place to lead me next. "It's the first time you came to my house at 2 in the morning, when you had me look across the valley from that tree I nearly fell out of. It's you, Gale." He leans down, his forehead against my temple. "Don't you hear it?" I hear it, it's all I can hear. The faint memories I have of him bounding together to create this song, then slowly unraveling for me to study one by one.

"I only ever hear Madge when you play," he says sweetly. I turn so our forehead press against one another. My breath catches in my throat as his eyes sparkle. His hand lifts up, fingertips sliding across my cheek. "More."

"When I forgot how to play after Cassius attacked me, this was the first one." I remember, I remember this. "You had your hand around my waist like you did a few minutes ago and you kept pressing that ob_nox_ious key." A smile cracks on his face and he nods lightly. I feel his breath over my lips, I feel the heat of his skin.

"I love when you get lost in your music," he whispers. My heart picks up pace in my chest as he moves closer. "I love when you close your eyes and just press out some tune I've never heard before. Or maybe I have, but you always make it yours." I crane my neck so my lips are nearer to his. Centimeters. "I love the way your eyes glisten when you're excited," his tongue darts out to wet his lips. "I love _you_." And then, ever so lightly, his lips press against mine. It's so gentle, so faint I could pretended it didn't happen. A warmth spreads through my body, gentle and sweet. I reach up, my hand wrapping around his neck to force him closer. He pulls away too quickly, but my wrap is still around him.

"Gale," I pant. I need more. "You… you like to sleep on the left side of the bed, closer to the wall." Again, his lips tease mine without actually kissing me, hovering over mine so I feel his presence yet can't taste it. "You can't sleep with socks on. You absolutely hate it." He laughs, a burst of warm air near my mouth. I rack my brain thinking for memories, trying to conjure anything I can. "And you like to sleep with your hand around my waist. You never move it."

"You sure remember a lot about us sleeping," he murmurs with a smirk, bending down once more to kiss me. Just as I lean up so our lips can touch, the door to the room slams open, Rory standing on the other side. Gale drops his grip on me quickly, turning to face his brother.

"Sorry," Rory grins. Oh, he's not sorry, but he's going to be. "Annie's gonna throw the bouquet though, I figured you might want to be there…"

"Right you are, little brother," Gale smirks back, pushing himself from the seat before offering me a hand. Damnit, Rory. "Shall we?" Gale extends his arm to me and I wrap my hand around it gently, taking a deep breath. I need more. We make our way back to the reception room silently. There's no need for words. My hands are shaking and my legs feel like jelly, but he says nothing. A content smile stays pressed on his face the entire time.

I make it back just as the girls are lining up for the flowers to be thrown. I race over nestling myself next to Katniss who gives my hand a quick squeeze, and then the flowers are off, flying through the air. Bristel's the one to catch them, her face flushing a bright red as she looks in Thom's direction. His cheeks are pink, too. I go over to laugh but my wrist is grabbed lightly and I'm being pulled back toward the dance floor.

"Dance with me," Gale says, rather than asks. The song is slow, much like the one we left to earlier. I nod, my hands find their way around his neck and his around my waist. We move slowly, he's right. It's like playing the piano. I close my eyes and lean against his chest. His arms wrap tighter and Gale lowers his chin to my shoulder. "How did you do that?" he asks quietly. "Remember those things?"

"I don't know," I mumble against him. "I wasn't trying to… they just came out. I… I wanted you to kiss me." He pulls away from my shoulder so he can press his forehead against mine. "Still do."

"But why?" his voice is gentle, honestly curious. "Not that I don't want to kiss you, but you barely remember me. I don't understand."

"I don't know," I reply. "They're there for a moment, just like a flash, like a picture. Then they're gone." I want to remember. I want to remember him more than anything, the way he unconditionally loved me, the way he held me in his arms. I want it all back. "I feel like a part of me's missing. It's like you're here and I know what you are, but I don't."

"We're nothing but our past," he says. "You don't know what we've been through, why I love you like I do." I think back to when Peeta said sometimes he'd remember things but then they'd be gone again. I think about how Peeta is completely different from me. That he has his memories they're only warped. I'm not sure if I would prefer that. "Can I show you something?" his voice is deep and gives me goosebumps. "After the wedding, now, whenever you're good."

"We can go now," I say, the thought of his lips against mine is what compels me to agree. The chance that he might want to kiss me again. A smile spreads across his features and his hand drops down, linking fingers with mine. "Where to?"

"Back to my place."

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><p>When Gale sits me on his bed and tells me to close my eyes I have no idea what I'm supposed to expect. I follow his request, obviously, and listen as he rifles through drawers and speaks quietly. "I hadn't wanted to give it back yet," he tells me. "I was always scared that you'd never remember me, any of me. So I kept it just in case. So I could hold on to it… a piece of you." My eyebrows furrow as the digging continues. "But now I think… I think you're remembering more every day. I want you to have it. Lift up your hair."<p>

"Why?" I let a laugh bubble out of me before bunching my hair into two hands, lifting it off to the side. "Can I open my eyes?"

"Not yet," his voice is quiet in my ear. I bite my lip, he's so utterly close I don't know what to do. I want more kisses. His hands fiddle around me and his mouth finds a way to my neck. One, two, three kisses up my jaw. I shudder and listen as he chuckles. A thud on my chest as the charm of a necklace drops onto my chest makes me more curious than before. "Okay, now." I crack open my eyes as he guides me to the mirror.

"Where did you get this?" the words tumble out of me before I can stop them. Accusatory. Harsh.

"You told me to hang onto it," he says, taking a step away from me and frowning.

"Well I don't want it," I yank it from my neck, the chain snapping behind me as I slam it on the dresser. "Why on earth would you think I'd want a mockingjay?" I turn to him, my hands balling into fists. _She killed your family. She's the reason you're here_. "Katniss Everdeen ruined my life."

"Madge, what are you…" I make eye contact with him and stumble backwards, my eyes going blurry for a moment as a sharp ache of pain shoots through my head. "Madge," his eyes take on a worried stance, but I know he's faking it. _He used you. He doesn't love you_.

"No," I shake my head, my hand reaching up to press my temples. "Stop, stop…"

"Stop what?" Gale closes the distance between us. _He's one of them. He's on Team Mockingjay_.

"Get away," I push him backwards, my voice cracking. "You… you…"

"Madge," he says again, his voice cracking. "What's happening? Look at me, what's going on in your head?" I study the boy in front of me. I study Gale Hawthorne. The way he stands like he's so much better than I am, the way his eyes pierce through me. He didn't save me from the fire. He didn't save me from the Capitol. He loves Katniss, I was all part of his _plan_. My hand slings forward and cuts him across his cheek, he cringes in pain and takes a step back, holding his hand up to stop the blood. His eyes meet mine, panic stricken.

"You left me," I choke out in a whisper. "You left me and you let them take me!" He shakes his head violently, his hand reaching out for me again. "I said get away!" my voice shakes as I lash out at him again, pressing myself backwards against the wall. _He never loved you_… he did. Gale loved me… he had to, he still does… _Gale used you_. "Stop!" I scream again, slinking down against the floor as a voice gnaws in the back of my head. "Stop, stop, _stop_…" Gale takes a step back, his eyes narrowing in my direction. _He only loves Katniss Everdeen. The one who killed your family. No one can save you. _"Stop…" and then it all goes black.

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><p>The scent of smoke envelops me as I wake up. I hear murmurs around me but I can't force my eyes open. Something seems wrong but I can't figure it out. Everything was so right… it felt so right… but it wasn't. Something… something happened. Something was triggered and it all went downhill. But what?<p>

"Madge, sweetheart," Haymitch's voice is gentle in my ear. "I know you're awake." I blink my eyes open and meet his sturdy gray ones. "How're you feeling?"

"What happened?" I say sleepily, stretching backwards and stationing myself up. I'm in someone's room, it's not my room. "Where am I?"

"You're at the Hawthorne's," he says simply. Gale's bed, I must be in Gale's bed. It smells just like him. My eyes lift and he's standing in the doorway, his eyebrows pulled together tightly. Once we make eye contact his hand reaches up for his cheek, and then he pulls himself away, lumbering back down the hallway.

"What happened?" I ask again, bringing my gaze back down to Haymitch.

"When Hazelle got here Gale was lowering you into bed with a hot rag on your forehead," he tells me quietly. "His cheek was cut and he was freaking out, he said you attacked him and then blacked out. Did you get in a fight with Gale?" I shake my head no, everything was going great…. Haymitch frowns and I bite my lip. Apparently that was the wrong answer. "Madge, what do you remember from tonight?"

I scratch my head, "Finnick and Annie got married. I played the piano." He nods, urging me to continue. "I… I don't know. Why? What's happening?" He reaches forward and grabs my wrist lightly, pulling me out of bed. I'm still in the dress I wore to the wedding, the fabric soft against my skin yet confusing. Why am I still in this? He pulls me out of the room and through the living room where the Hawthorne's, Rory Gale and Hazelle sit discussing something quietly. Only Rory lifts his eyes as I'm dragged out of the room against my will.

"What did they do to you?" Haymitch nearly screams once we're in the hallway. "When I get my hands on them I swear…" I let him rant, unsure of what he's talking about. I don't know what's happened. Last thing I remember is Bristel catching the flowers at the wedding…

Past the check in, past the waiting rooms, past the nurses, Haymitch has a firm grip on my wrist. He pushes me into Peeta's room and then leaves, the door slamming and echoing around the small space. "Peeta?" I ask confused. He's not restrained anymore, he looks up at me confusedly. "What's going on?"

Haymitch is in the room moments later and points at Peeta without hesitation. "Did you hear anything, _anything_ about what they did to her in the prisons?" Peeta's eyes lighten and he shakes his head no, a curious expression on his face as if he wants to know why. Again, Haymitch turns to me. "You said they injected you when you were in the prisons." I nod. "How many needles?"

"Two," I say through a shaky voice. "I… I don't understand what's happening…"

"And you only had one?" he points to Peeta, who nods once. "What color was in the tube?"

"Green," Peeta tells him. "An opaque green, almost yellow."

"What about in yours?"

"One was w-white," I stammer. "The other was…"

"Green," Haymitch finishes for me as I tip my head into a nod. Peeta's eyes widen as he glances in my direction. "Stay here." And then he's out the door. I turn to Peeta and pull on my hair.

"You look nice," he says flatly. I roll my eyes and sit next to him nervously. He doesn't ask why I'm here, mostly because he knows I don't know the answer. He just sits next to me and we both stare at the floor. "Did you see the cake?"

Guiltily I admit, "No. I was somewhere else." He nods, as if that's the only answer he needs. I know they think whatever was done to Peeta might be what happened to me, they just won't say it. Not yet, not right now. "What's it like?"

"The cake?"

"No," I nearly snap, "not… not remembering things."

"You would know," he replies dryly. I rake my fingers through my hair and bite at my lip. I'm not like Peeta. I can't be like Peeta. They can't have changed my memories, that isn't fair. _The Capitol does not play fair_, my mother's voice rings painfully in my ears. _They never have, they never will. _They took my mother from me, they took me from myself, Peeta from himself. We're all just running to their a moment he sighs, "It's confusing. Everything's always confusing." He starts pulling on some fluff that's sticking out of his mattress. "I want to believe what they tell me and sometimes I do but something in my head doesn't let me and I don't… I don't know what to do." My hand reaches out and grabs his. "I'm just scared all the time."

"You said that thing about remembering things and then forgetting them again," I choke out. "Do you think that could happen to me?"

He frowns and gives my hand a slight pump. "Madge… I think it already has."

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><p><em>AN: Don't worry, Madge won't be as bad as Peeta. The closer she gets to recovery... however... confrontation with Gale next chapter, as well as more discussion about the necklace. _


	55. Chapter 55

**Disclaimer: Sorry.**

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><p>My head rests against the door as I hear voices on the other side. They want to lock me up like Peeta for further testing. Haymitch nearly punches whoever suggests it in the face, I can tell by the way they panic. "They won't lock you up," Peeta says from his spot on his bed. "Gale wouldn't let that happen."<p>

"I scratched him," I bite out at Peeta. "He probably thinks I'm psycho."

"Yeah, well." He doesn't mention how he tried to strangle Katniss, simply because that wouldn't work in his defense. "Listen, they're coming now." I wonder how he knows, considering I hear nothing, but he's right. The door swings open and Haymitch holds his arms out to me, beckoning me to follow. I suppose Peeta's spent so much time in here he can tell when someone starts for the door. "Don't worry, Madge," Peeta calls from behind me. "You're not crazy."

For some reason his words aren't reassuring, and I rush into the arms of Haymitch. "I'm not like Peeta," I mumble against his chest. "Don't let them do this to me."

"I'm not letting them," he says. "You're to go straight home and to bed."

I shake my head, "No, I have to see Gale. I have to apologize…" Haymitch tips my chin up and hesitates. "Haymitch I _have_ to."

"You clawed his face," he says simply. "I think it'd be best if…"

"I'm going," I push him away and watch him smirk. "You're not going to stop me."

"Yes," he wraps his fingers around my wrist and starts dragging me down the hall, "I am. You don't call the shots, Undersee. You might think that seeing him is best right now but it _isn't._" I clench my teeth as he pulls me along. Nothing, I'm _nothing_. Once we get back to our housing unit he tosses me in my room and slams the door shut. "Just get some sleep," he says through the door. "I hate to do this, but you've been through a lot tonight." And then a lock slides into place.

"Hey," I jiggle the handle. "Haymitch!" His footsteps carry down the hallway. "_Haymitch!_" I bang and I plead and I scream until my voice is raw, but he doesn't respond. And I know he won't. My fault, they're acting like the entire thing is _my _fault! As if I _asked_ for the Capitol to kidnap me and drug me up to the point of my insanity! I pace the room and ball my hands into fists. I need something to throw. I haven't lived here long enough to have anything on the walls, but I have a bed, and I have a dresser stock filled with clothing I don't intend to wear. Pillows, sheets, gray shirts, gray socks, they all fly across my room as I scream in anger, throwing them sideways and backwards. "Let me _out_!" I kick and I pull but the door doesn't budge.

I've always been a prisoner.

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><p>When I wake up the door is no longer locked. I storm through the entire house searching for Haymitch but he's gone and there's no sign of him anywhere. I push my arm through the scanner and it tells me that it's breakfast time. Once I get to the cafeteria, however, I decide I don't want to be there. Not only is the entire Hawthorne clan absent, Katniss won't lift her eyes from her plate and Prim sits on the far end of the table. Bristel keeps her distance and keeps conversation to a minimum, and Johanna laughs whenever she makes eye contact with me, mumbling something like <em>crazy after all<em>. Only when Annie and Finnick show up do I feel somewhat welcome. Annie tries to keep the conversation going, but I doubt she even knows people aren't talking. Finnick can tell though, his eyes never keep a gaze on me.

It's when Annie starts to laugh at the mention of Gale that I force myself from the table. Everyone's eyes follow me but no one makes an attempt to _actually_ follow me. It's just me. Myself. Alone. But not, I'm not alone. I skip all of my classes and wait until lunch, then I make my way to Peeta's cell. Or, where he's being held. I don't want to call it a cell, what if I end up in one? I push open his door without bothering to confront the people observing him.

He raises an eyebrow, "Back already?"

"No one will look at me," I babble. "No one will look at me and they're all acting like I'm insane and Haymitch locked me in my room last night and I can't breathe… I can't…" Peeta stands and crosses the room, wrapping his arms around me tightly. "Peeta what do I do? I'm not crazy. I'm not."

"I know," he says gently. The Peeta I know, the Peeta who cares. "Neither am I." I nod and his arms press tighter on my back.

"Can I eat in here?"

He laughs, dropping his hold. "Sure, Madge. If you like prison food." I take a seat on the bed next to Peeta and he frowns. "They won't come in until I'm over here. They think I'll attack them."

"Would you?"

"Maybe," he admits with a smirk. A few moments later people push in two trays, one for me and one for Peeta. "See?" he waits until the door closes and then makes his way over to grab the food for us. "This is literally awful."

I snort, "Peeta, that's the same food we get in the cafeteria." He frowns and then a bubble of laughter erupts from me.

"I was hoping it'd get better once I got out of here." He lowers a tray to my lap and then slides against the bed, carrying his own tray with him. "I guess not."

"Maybe you can start baking some bread for them," I tease. "That ought to change things a bit. The quality of the food _and_ your attitude."

"Ha-ha," he jeers back, reaching onto my plate and taking a scoop of mashed potatoes for himself. After he shoves the food in his mouth he sticks out his tongue. This continues for awhile, him stealing my food, me stealing his. We're laughing the entire time. "You know, we might both be crazy," he says after we've finished, "but that might be alright."

"We're not crazy," I roll my eyes. "We're just having fun."

He lets out a long whistle, "Maybe that's why it feels like I'm crazy. Been a long time since I laughed." A smile cracks on his face and he nudges me with his elbow. "It feels normal whenever you're here. Like I'm home."

"But you're not," I say quietly.

He frowns, "I know that. I said it _feels_ like it." There's a pause in the conversation as he fiddles with the hem of his shirt. "They might let me to the cafeteria. You know, to eat with everyone else." I turn to him and his eyes flicker lightly, "Would you sit with me? Or would you hide away like you are now?"

"I'd sit with you," I say firmly. "Annie can join us. Then we can have our own table and we can all be crazy." I throw my hands up playfully, "Then everyone can just stare at us all at once! Sounds great."

"You're bitter," Peeta chuckles. "It's funny." After a peaceful, relaxing afternoon with Peeta, I'm forced to leave his presence. At least he understands what I'm going through, at least he knows what's happening isn't my fault.

"Madge," Haymitch frowns when he sees me, pulling me aside. "You spent the entire day with Peeta?"

"He's the only one that would talk to me," I cross my arms. "He didn't lock me in my room."

"That was for your own safety," he snarls. "And it was a damn good thing I did. You're lucky I'm the only one who saw what you did to your room." I clench my teeth, I only did it _because_ I was locked in. Why doesn't he understand that? "One more slip up then you're put in."

"Put in?" I jerk away from him and throw my hands down. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Like Peeta." I widen my eyes and he clenches his teeth. "Is that what you want?"

My chin quivers before I can answer. "No." He doesn't understand. Haymitch doesn't understand that the only reason I spent so much time with Peeta because no one else would be with me. He hasn't been shunned like I have. "Why are you being so harsh?" I ask, my voice quivering. "You're supposed to be my Godfather not… not…"

"Not what?"

"Not one of them!" I throw my hands up, casting glances to the doctors in gray uniform that watch our back and forth. "You're supposed to be on my side, you're supposed to under_stand_." He watches me through narrow eyes and I clench my fists. "I won't slip up."

"Good," he nods once, and then marches away without looking back.

* * *

><p>Somehow I make my way to the place where Gale showed me the video that one day. I don't know why, of all places, I chose that, but it's secluded enough and I figure no one will disturb me. I sit on the couch and fiddle with the remote that controls the TV. It takes me a few minutes to figure out how to get it working, but finally some sort of video starts playing. They're not just of me and Gale, they're of me in general. Most of them, however, most of them are of me and Gale.<p>

I like the ones that show us hopping the fence, it makes me feel like I was more than just the mayor's daughter. More than this one dimensional person everyone made me out to be. "What are you doing?" Gale's voice pulls me out of the screen. I fumble with the controller, tapping buttons until the TV snaps off. "People have been lookin for you everywhere." He doesn't acknowledge the fact that I was watching our memories without him.

"I needed to get away," I force out. My eyes divert to his cheek, the pink claw marks I've left. "Gale," I go to stand but he shakes his head, leaning backwards against the door. "I'm so sorry… I never…"

"Drop it," he says simply. "I know it wasn't your fault." My chin quivers as I force myself backwards on the couch. Me. I did that. It's clear it's been taped up, even some sort of gel to probably make it less noticeable, but I see it. It's all I see. "Stop looking at it," he murmurs. "It's not even that bad."

"Not that bad?" I frown, standing up and closing the distance between us. "I'm so sorry…" I reach up and stroke the cut across his cheek. "I did that…"

"Madge," he grabs my hand and lowers it, twisting his fingers with mine. "It's okay." The action makes my throat knot and he even forces a gentle smile. "Please drop it." I jerk a nod and his smile increases a bit. "What were you watching?" he asks lightly.

"Us," I say quietly. Gale raises an eyebrow and I drop my gaze. "Us hopping the fence or just walking holding hands…" I trace the link of our hands right now and he loosens his grip. "It was nice."

"I'll bet," he says weakly. He lifts my chin slowly and I pull my eyes up to meet him. "It's not your fault," he says again. "I'm not angry with you." I go to mention how he wasn't there for breakfast but he beats me too it. "I had command things to do this morning. I would've talked to you last night but everyone said it wasn't a good idea. They don't even want us talking now, they think it might trigger something."

I frown, "Not everything triggered is bad."

"I know," his voice drops. "But it could be." My frown deepens as his hand skirts across my cheek, the other grabbing my waist and pulling me closer. He goes to say something a few times but eventually gives up, intent on just watching me for a moment.

"I had a good night before that," I tell him. "With… with the dancing, and the piano." A smile spreads across his face, a genuine one and it makes me smile too. "It was more than that but those were the basics…" I whisper. I long for the warmth he gave me with his almost nonexistent kiss. Gale lowers his forehead against mine and I grab the hem of his shirt, forcing him to stay close. "I'm sorry I had to ruin it… I always ruin everything, I…"

Suddenly, he dips, his lips pressing gently against mine, effectively cutting off the rest of my sentence. The first thing I feel is shock, confusion, but out of instinct my hands trail up and latch around his neck. "Madge," he breathes into my mouth, threatening to pull away.

"No," I nearly beg, "don't stop." I may mess everything up, but Gale knows how to fix it. His hand wraps tightly around my waist, inching up my shirt and trailing against my spine. The other cups my face, fingers tangling into my hair gently. I don't even question what brought this on, I don't _care_. My brain sparks and my heart races and my knees give out as his kiss deepens and the shock wears off. Gale catches me and spins us so I'm against the door instead of him. "Gale," I pant, his nose brushing mine. The stubble on his chin scrapes across my skin and I arch my back, fitting into his mold perfectly. I drop one of my hands, grabbing at his waist and pulling him closer as the kisses become more needy. Passionate, my body sizzles as a muffled moan escapes his throat.

"Madge," he pulls away momentarily. "Tell me something."

"Tell you…" I trail off and press on my tiptoes to kiss him. He returns this kiss yet it's quick. "What do you mean?" Something about last night? Something I've never told him before?

"Anything," another kiss, frantic, desperate. "About me. Just something." He wants me to answer him but he licks his lips and leans down again, kissing my mouth, my cheek, my jaw.

"Gale," I gasp as he suckles my neck. The first thing I think of tumbles out of me with much effort, "Your… your middle name is… Vincent. It's Vincent."

"Good," he breathes back, his lips against mine again. "Now how do you know that?"

"How do I…?" I grab his face in my hands and force him back to my mouth. He diverts last moment, his cheek pressing against mine as he breathes heavily, every pant soft against my ear. "I don't know… I-I just know." A hearty sigh escapes him as he makes an attempt to step away. "Wait," I plead, keeping my grip on him firm. He pulls back before resting his forehead against mine, twisting his finger through a strand of hair and pushing it behind my ear. His eyes search mine and I search his as I reach up and stroke the cut across his cheek.

"My mom yelled it out one day," he whispers. "My middle name. I watched you smirk despite totally being terrified of her." A smile graces my lips as he kisses me lightly again. "I knew you'd never forget it." Again he kisses me, slowly this time. His lips tease mine, parting them and breathing hot air into me. I take a moment to savor him, the texture of his lips, how soft and warm they are. The way his body leans over me, protecting me from the unknown dangers. How his calloused hands feel against my skin, rubbing circles against my hip. "Something else," he murmurs, the vibrations of his voice sending goosebumps down my spine.

"Blue," I force out as quickly as I can. "Your favorite color, it's blue." He nods, and my eyes snap open. "Why is it blue?" For some reason I always assumed it to be green, but it's not.

His face lights up and he presses closer against me. "Your eyes are blue," he tells me quietly. I blink a few times and his smile brightens, but fades just as quickly. Finally he pulls away, I reach for him again but he's too far. I crave his touch, his breath. "This is my fault."

"What?" my eyebrows narrow as I press backwards against the door, trying to catch my breath. "What's your fault?"

"Everything," he walks over to the couch, dropping down and placing his head in his hands. "I shouldn't have done that, I was being selfish…" I watch as he contemplates his words. "I'm the reason you're like this."

"Gale," I follow after him but he doesn't acknowledge me as I sit. "It's not your fault it's the Capitol's. They did this, not you…"

"But I'm the reason they did it!" he shouts, lifting his head out of his hands. "Don't you _get it_?" I obviously don't get it and slink back on the couch as he stands up to pace. "Everything they did to you, it was so it would break _me_! They knew! They _knew_ you were the only thing that could get to me like this… and its working!" I swallow tightly as his fingers tug angrily on his hair. "One moment everything's okay, the next moment you're attacking me, then we're like that… sometimes I trigger good memories sometimes I make it worse…" he shakes his head and sucks in a sharp breath. "And it's working… it's _working_…"

"Gale…" The only reason they'd want to break him is because of Katniss, because they know how close the two are. "It's not…"

"It is," he says again. "You're not going to convince me otherwise, Madge." I stand and cross the room to him as he freezes in his path. "It's my fault."

"No it isn't," I repeat. He shakes his head and I cup his cheek gently. "Gale, it _isn't_. Please." His chin quivers despite how hard he clenches his teeth, I see a flicker of pain behind his eyes. Gale leans down again, his forehead against mine. "_Please_," I repeat. "Don't do this."

"We shouldn't… I just need a break, Madge…"

"Gale,"

"I'm not giving up," he says again. "I'll die before I do that, but I just…" I launch myself on my tiptoes and press my lips against him. Maybe he'll change his mind, maybe he'll say he was just being stupid… "Stop," he whispers weakly. "This isn't helping, this kissing… it's making things worse, I shouldn't have done that I just needed," he sighs, groans, and then takes a step away so my hand falls limply. "My head is going to _implode_." Gale rests against the wall and takes a deep breath before turning to me again. "I love you, I do,"

"Then why are you doing this?" I cut him off sharply.

"Because you don't love me. Not right now. Not tomorrow…"

"Not _ever_ if you just walk out," I growl. But that's what he does, he walks out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him after murmuring a gentle _I'm sorry_. As if that will fix everything.

I don't know how long I sit in their crying, it's like everyone wants me to be alone, to be scared and afraid. He's supposed to love me, Gale's supposed to hold me and tell me that everything's going to be okay. But he just left. And so I do the only logical thing in the moment, I go to give him a piece of my mind. I can't have him doing this, out of _everyone_, he's the only one that isn't allowed to leave me. I knock lightly on the door and Rory's the one to answer.

"Hey Madge," he says quietly. I know he must be scared of me, must know what I've done. "Is there something you need?"

"Is Gale here?" I ask weakly.

Rory narrows his eyes, "No, he left about an hour ago."

"Where'd he go?" I try not to make eye contact, but now I'm curious. The District's only so big. "I need to talk to him."

"Madge he went to District 4," Rory squints. "He said he was saying goodbye to you and then leaving." I stumble backwards as my heart hammers in my chest. "Didn't he tell you?" I jerk my head into a no. "He'll be back!" he adds quickly. "Next week, he's just doing some routine things, he'll be back." I nod, yet I'm still stumbling backwards. "He didn't tell you…"

"He… he…" I can't tell Rory what he _actually _said, what he _actually_ did… "No… I've got to go."

"Madge, I'm sure he meant to tell you," but I shake my head, and my feet are already carrying me away. This wasn't a mistake, he did that on purpose. He's leaving me. Just like he promised he wouldn't.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Okay, I swear, I SWEAR it will get better. I swear. I swear on all that is holy and on gadge and on everything in the world. You just have to trust me and even though I'm sure you all hate me, it had to happen! I hope you understand how broken Gale really is, how all he wants to do is be with her but he can't because he's scared he'll hurt her or make things worse but he can't stop himself and he's just more confused than ever before. I swear they'll be happy. Just trust me. The struggle is what makes the solution that much better. _


	56. Chapter 56

**Disclaimer: I get out of school Tuesday! More chapters, huzzah!**

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><p>I go to my classes and learn about nuclear fusion and long divison. I go to lunch and eat without looking at anyone else, without talking. I go around the District like I'm a robot, doing what they want, when they want it. Voices talk but not to me, I don't listen anyway. They float in one ear and out the other gently, a quiet hum. A few days into the week I look up and notice that I'm by myself. Its funny how not paying attention will leave you sitting alone.<p>

"Where is everyone?" I ask Annie as she sits, Finnick attached at her hand.

"Oh, they're all training," she says quietly. Finnick pretends as if we aren't having this conversation and continues to eat, I wonder if he still thinks I'm crazy. A lot of people called him crazy once too, I heard he tied a lot of knots. I raise an eyebrow and she smiles. "You know, running around with guns and things like that."

I hadn't known. I heard people talking about things like that once but I figured it was for the adults, not the children. "It's for the war," Finnick finally contributes. "For people going to the Capitol to fight."

"Well what if I want to do that?" I ask, a tinge of anger in my voice.

"Get it cleared, I suppose," the amount of uneasy in his eyes makes me wonder why that would be so bad. I have plenty of reason to want to fight, plenty of fire that I can add to the flame. They killed my parents, killed my friends. They took me from myself, Peeta from _him_self. If anyone has a reason to fight it would be _me_.

After lunch I ditch classes (and I had started becoming such a good student) and make my way to the special defense unit. I've never really been around this area and it takes me awhile to find anyone. Of course, when I do find someone, I find guards. Big hulking guards with giant guns and a look of anger on their face. "No admittance," they say, and I frown. "Do you have permission to enter?"

"Yes," I lie, but they can see right through me. "I'm looking for someone."

"For _who_?" they narrow their eyes.

"Oh, Madge, there you are," a voice I haven't heard before calls out to me. I turn and raise my eyebrows, forcing a smile as if I know the person. "She's with me, silly girl always getting lost down here."

"Yeah," I look toward the man, thin glasses, frail smile. "I'm with him." The guards seem skeptic, but eventually they let us in. Lots of scanning, lots of blood tests. "Thank you," I say weakly once we're inside. I take a moment to look around, breathing in the fresh air of the indoor meadow from this area. "I don't believe we've met."

"We have not," he says, "but I've heard plenty about you. Beetee," he extends a hand and I shake it. Considering I don't know where I'm going I follow him. My feet are soft against the grass and it has never felt so nice to breath in some sort of nature. I feel like I'm outdoors even though I know I'm inside. "Haymitch speaks of you often, as does Gale." I cringe at the sound of his name but don't comment. "Quite a week you just had, hm?"

"Quite," I force out. "I was looking for Haymitch, actually," I tell him. "I want to start training. You know, to go to the Capitol. Have you seen him?" Beetee raises an eyebrow and pauses in his step. "What?" He thinks I'm too weak, too fragile to compete in battle. I see it on his face.

"Haven't you been attending the sessions?"

"…No, I just said that I…"

"They're supposed to be on your arm," he tells me, reaching down and pulling it up so he can study my wrist. "Unbelievable."

"What?" I ask again.

"They've edited yours… they've made it so you don't have those parts of the day in your schedule…" I guess that explains why I'm with a whole bunch of kids Rory's age while in actual classes. "That's just sickening. They don't think you can do it." I furrow my brow but he grabs my wrist and pulls me back through the door we came in. We go through a whole bunch of twists and turns to the point where I don't even know where I am, and then he leaves me by the side of the room as he talks to someone that look like a so-called trainer. They talk animatedly for awhile, using their hands and gesturing toward me and back toward the people. I hear things like _restricted _and _hijacked_. After awhile, however, Beetee walks back over to me. "You're in," he says.

"I'm… what? I'm in what?" He gestures to the kids, a bit older than Rory, learning to load guns. "Really?"

"Really," he rests his hand on my shoulder. "I know we haven't met, Madge, but I do hear a lot about you. You seem kind, determined, I know exactly why you want to be doing this." I nod once and he smiles. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some weapons to build. It was nice meeting you," I smile and then he's gone. The first nice person to me in days, helping me get here.

I stride across to the trainer and she scowls at me. She asks me what I know about guns, what I know about _anything_, but I don't know anything really, nothing at all. She's upset, but she gives me a partner who's been in the class longer than I have. Sure, I'm 17 and they can't be much older than 15, but they're very kind. It's a boy who was born and raised in the District, he can unload and load guns faster than anyone in the class. He's patient with me, showing me step by step, how to clean, what to do with the safety, and by the time the class is over I can effectively do much of what everyone else can.

"See, you're a natural!" Fraizer nudges me. That's the boy, the one who's my partner. He's got pale skin like me but tussled dark brown hair. "Tomorrow you'll know how to do it all without me telling you, and then you learn how to shoot."

"Shoot?" he nods and I hand the gun back to him. "Maybe that can wait a few days."

But it doesn't. The next day after I can do all the steps with ease and my fingers are bleeding from the gun snapping back on me so many times, he tries to teach me to shoot. It makes me nervous, holding a gun. "Madge," Fraizer frowns, "it's not going to bite you." I tell him how it already _has _bitten me and show him the cuts on my fingers, but he just laughs. The first time I go to shoot it, bracing myself for the impact, the gun just clicks. "You left the safety on," he snorts, and then I have to fix it and do it all over again. This is all being done, might I add, under the watchful eye of the trainers as well as a few more guards. They think I'm going to snap again.

After lunch we're forced to run fields with the guns and I nearly slip twice. By the time the run is over I'm panting and feel like my entire body is going to collapse. Still, they take us back and make us shoot some more. My arms are so limp that I can barely hold the gun straight.

I avoid Haymitch like the plague, considering he disapproves of the entire thing. I know someone's told him but I don't speak to him about it. He doesn't speak to me much at all as of recent and I'm perfectly okay with that. I don't need anyone. Except maybe Fraizer considering he's teaching me everything I know about guns. In fact, I'm perfectly fine with everyone ignoring me. That is until they switch me into Katniss's class. When she sees me it's like she's seen a ghost, her face going pale and muscles going taught. She's got bruised arms and legs and looks tired, but I can't mistake the fear that flickers across her eyes.

"Hey Princess," Johanna throws her arm around me. "Wondering when we'd see you around here." I push her off lightly and force a smile. It's like everyone can go back to being friendly just because I'm in their shooting class. After the morning run we have to start shooting practice again. Somehow I end up between Katniss and Johanna and I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't like this set up very much. "So," Johanna says, "how'd you manage to get your way into this class?"

"I wanted to learn to protect myself," I call over to her through the gunfire. That, and I wanted to fight. Wanted to avenge.

"You won't need to do that," Katniss hisses as her gun throws her shoulder back. "Plenty of people will be throwing themselves over each other to protect you." She's still bitter from what I did to Gale, obviously.

I frown, lowering my gun and flicking on the safety. "Katniss, I know you're still mad at me…"

"Mad at you?" she drops her gun too and turns to me, narrowing her eyes angrily. "No, of course not."

"You haven't talked to me since it happened," I roll my eyes. Even Johanna lowers her guns and watches us from her spot. "The thing with Gale."

"Say it," she clenches her hands into fists. "Say what you did to him."

"I attacked him," I force out, narrowing my eyes on her. "I scratched his face. Because I was hijacked." I couldn't control it, I don't even _remember_ doing it.

Katniss scoffs, "Sure, blame it on that. You shouldn't even be allowed in here until you're fine, you could go crazy again!" My jaw drops and I go to defend myself but she cuts me off. "You don't even know what you did to him! It's more than just that stupid cut, you don't even realize that!"

"Of course I realize that!" I shoot back, angrily marching toward her.

"No," she jabs her finger at me. "You don't! That's why he ran off to District 4 for the week, because of you!" I swallow tightly as her gray eyes bore into me. "You've _broken_ him, Madge!"

"No I haven't," I say weakly, but it sure feels like it. The way her voice claws at me, sending shivers up my spine. "He's fine, he doesn't love me anyways."

"Of course he does," she hisses. _He loves Katniss Everdeen. He used you_. "If he didn't he wouldn't have left!"

"He loves _you_," I stress. "He's fine, I apologized for scratching him."

"You're such an idiot!" she growls, throwing her hands up in the air. _Team Mockingjay set your District on fire. She killed your family. She never cared about you. He never cared about you. They left you to die._ "And they're idiots too! Thinking that you can just come in here and start shooting and everything'll be okay!" _She deserves to die. She isn't like you._ "You're crazy! You're crazy and you know it!"

"I'm not crazy," I grit out, striding across to her. I click the gun out of safety and raise it to her. Katniss eyes widen and Johanna freezes behind me. I'm the only sane one in the place, I see her for who she is. She's a liar, she doesn't care about anyone but herself. She's killed, she's ruined my life.

"Not crazy? Put the gun down, Princess," Johanna coaxes.

"Give me one reason why!" I shout. "She killed my family! She's blaming _me _for everything! It's her fault!" _Kill her_. I pull the trigger back and take another step closer. The entire area is frozen around me. "You think I'm so damn special? People would die for you willingly, people didn't have the _choice _to die for me. They just did. Because of _your_ actions, because of what _you_ did." Without the ability to pull the trigger while she's looking at me I rear the gun up and bring it down against her forehead, watching her crumple to the ground in pain. She's not looking at me anymore. She's free game. I pull the gun up again, and then it all goes black.

When I wake up my head is throbbing. I lift my hand to my forehead and groan, rolling sideways. Where am I? My eyes flicker open and I'm instantly blinded by a bright white light. My eyes snap shut again and I roll to the side, trying to absorb everything slowly. White lights, white walls, white bedding and outfit.

I'm in a cell.

Panic bubbles up inside me as I push myself from the bed, landing shakily on my legs. I can see the door but there's no handle from my side. I pound on the door as a sob escapes my throat. "No, no, no…" Why am I here? I slam my head against the door and suck in a sharp breath. "Please… _please…."_

"Step away from the door," an automated voice comes out of a speaker. It reminds me of the prisons, it makes me feel sick. "Step away from the door." I push angrily against it and groan, crossing back over to where the bed is. I wait for it to open but it doesn't.

"Madge," Haymitch voice comes over the loudspeaker now. "You need to calm down."

"Calm down?" I scream. "Calm down! You're not even going to open the door to talk to me!"

"Safety precautions," he replies. I slam myself on the bed and cross my arms tightly to stop them from shaking. They've locked me up. They've locked me up like Peeta. "I knew you training wasn't a good idea, that's why I cut it out of your schedule."

"I was doing fine!" I shout back. "I was doing… fine…"

"You held a loaded gun at Katniss," Haymitch says back. "And then you knocked her out. I told you, one more slip up." I drop my head into my hands and gasp for air. "I didn't want to do it, you know I didn't…"

"Bull," I croak. "Bull shit." He'd been waiting for this moment, this moment to lock me up good and for all. To get me out of his hair.

"Madge, you're my Goddaughter, you _know _I don't like seeing you like this!"

"Just leave me alone," I say. His voice stops carrying over the loudspeakers and I gaze at the wall I know is where those in observation stand. Instantly I drop my gaze, rolling over to face the wall and leaving them to stare at my back. I held a gun on Katniss. _Katniss_. A loaded, fully capable gun. I pull on the tips of my hair and clench my teeth to stop my chin from quivering. I _am _weak. I'm no better than Peeta. In fact, I'm probably worse.

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><p>Just like Peeta had, I learn when people are coming up to the door to push food through. I don't speak to anyone, I think they think I'm crazy. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe that's what solitude does to you. I count the tiles on the floor, I count the tiles on the ceiling. I attempt to count my strands of hair but I always lose my place. They send doctors in to scan my eyes and I attempt to cooperate. They're in and out as fast as possible though, considering I'm deadly.<p>

I've held a gun at their precious Mockingjay.

Of course, no one comes in to see me. No one I know, anyway. Even Haymitch doesn't talk to me over the speakers. Not that I'd answer him. I can't keep track of days in here. I sleep when they dim the lights and count when the lights are up. Actually, that's a lie. I sleep all the time. When I'm sleeping I don't have to worry about being probed or stared at. The eyes that watch me through the one way glass eventually fade and I'm by myself. I don't have to worry about doing anything productive because they won't let me. They won't even give me books. When I sleep I can dream, I can pretend I'm not here. But every time I open my eyes and I am here… I just close them again. Maybe it's hopeful thinking, okay, it is hopeful thinking, but maybe if I try this enough I can open my eyes and be home with my mom, with my piano in the sitting room downstairs and Kasen listening from the kitchen.

Kasen, I remember him. I know if he were here then I wouldn't be locked up. He wouldn't let them lock me up. Considering he was dead the Capitol didn't alter things about him. I heard his family made it out, his wife and kids…

I face the wall and scratch at the tiles. I just want to go home. I just don't want to be here anymore. Sometime while I pick away at the wall I hear footsteps pacing outside the door. I don't turn, that would give away the fact that I knew they were there. Instead I continue to pick at the wall. I should probably be asleep anyway, the lights are dimmed and it's harder to sleep when they're on full blast. Yet, the person continues to pace. They're the only one there that I'm aware of. Back and forth, back and forth.

"I know you're there," I snap. "I'd appreciate it if you stopped pacing." The footsteps on the other side of the wall stop and I sigh, picking at the wall again. But the footsteps don't walk away, and I know they're just waiting outside my door. "I don't bite, either," I speak to the room.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," a voice carries over the speakers. The sudden use of it causes me to sit up and glance toward where the observation room is.

"Gale?" When there's no response I lay back down but keep myself turned so I can see the door. "You're probably not supposed to be here," I say.

"Probably?" the speakers fizzle. "I _know_ I'm not supposed to be here." I lean myself up so I'm resting on my elbow. "I just had to see you." Considering I don't know what to say next I roll so I'm facing the ceiling.

"Shame I can't see you," I finally manage. Footsteps pick up quickly and the door squeaks open, I sit up in a huff and widen my eyes. There in the doorway stands Gale, leaning against the doorframe and watching me. "That's better, I suppose."

"You suppose?" he walks in, the door slipping shut…

"Wait!" I lurch off the bed but the door's already closed. Gale raises an eyebrow and I groan. "There isn't a handle from in here," I tell him.

His eyes dart back toward the door and graze across where a handle should be. "Oh." He doesn't seem too upset.

I frown, stepping away from him. "What time is it?"

He hesitates, "About three." I rake my fingers through my hair and stalk back over to the bed, collapsing in a huff.

"Well you might want to sit in that corner then," I gesture toward the opposite room. Can't have him too close to me. I might 'lash out'. "They won't be here for at least another three hours."

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><p><em>AN: Don't forget to check out my other stories! They're also gadge! When schools out that means I'll be updating more c:_


	57. Chapter 57

**Disclaimer: Fluffy/filly/probably confusing**

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><p>I lower myself back onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. I don't want to look at him. I don't want him to be in this room. He kissed me and then left me here. He <em>kissed<em> me, a _lot_, and then left without saying goodbye. "Sit over there," I gesture towards the door. But he doesn't, Gale walks right over and sits on the foot of my bed. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Like you'd kill me," he says lightly, scooting so his back is pressed against the wall.

"I almost killed Katniss," I force out. "Why couldn't I kill you?"

"Because for starters you don't have a gun," he notes. "Secondly, I'm not trying to piss you off." I raise an eyebrow and he crosses his arm. "Oh yeah, I heard all about it. She just kept going. Johanna told me. She pissed you off and then just kept going. I might've held a gun at her too." I swallow tightly and roll to face where the one-way glass is. "You're mad at me."

"You left me," I snap. Left me here by myself. Left me alone at the lunch table with people giving me terrified looks when they thought I wasn't looking. Left me to sort out what all those kisses he gave me meant even though I eventually gave up because I couldn't figure it out.

"I had no other choice," he mutters. I let that hang in the air for a minute, deciding not to answer him. He had plenty of choice. He had the choice to talk to me instead of running away, the choice of explaining why he actually left. "You still don't understand." Still, I remain quiet. "Madge," he groans, his hands slipping through his hair. "I don't know how to explain it to you without sounding like an idiot."

"Well we've got plenty of time," I wave to the empty room. "Take your best shot."

Gale's quiet for a minute, trying to think of some sort of response. I'd be perfectly okay if he didn't answer. But he does. "I've lost you twice," he says. "Once when I thought you were dead. A second time when you looked at me and couldn't figure out who I was. That makes a total of two times I've just wanted to quit. Backpack to some other District and work the war from there." I remain expressionless, staring at the wall. "I don't even know what I'm trying to say," he groans. "You're here, and you remember some things but not others. You're _here_ and you have some sort of feelings for me but you don't know why. You're here but it isn't you at all."

"I'm still me."

"Maybe not," he says quietly. "I don't see the same Madge anymore."

"I'm not the same Madge," I hiss, forcing myself up to look at him. "But I'm still me." His eyes scan over me and his lips pull taut. "Aren't I?"

"You're more aggressive," he says quietly. "Sometimes I meet your eyes and don't see you at all. You can be empty."

"But," my eyebrows furrow, "I'm still… I mean that's only the bad things. I'm still _me_…"

"Oh, of course you are," he nods. "You're still witty and you still lose yourself in music and still get my thoughts muddled," he smirks and rests his head against the wall. "But you'll never be the same again. And when I realized this I needed to breathe. I needed to go to a place where I wouldn't see you. Not that it helped much," Gale grumbles. "All I thought about…"

"Not helping," I scowl. "See, this is what you do. You make me feel like you love me and then make me feel like you'll never love me again." He turns to me again, as I sit up all the way.

"I'll always love you," he says weakly.

"You know what I think? I think you love the old me and you're using the me now as a replacement." The fact that he doesn't respond right away is what causes anger to boil up inside me. "Is that it?" He shakes his head no but still doesn't say anything. I push myself backwards so I'm as far away as possible from him on the bed, pulling myself into a ball with my knees up by my chest. Like he does so often I clench my jaw, balling my hands into fists so tightly they turn white. "So is there really any purpose to me being alive?"

"Madge," he groans again but I shake my head.

"My parents are dead, you don't love me, Katniss thinks I'm psycho, Haymitch won't talk to me. I just make everything worse. I'm going to end up costing us the entire war in one way or another."

"That's not true,"

"Half of it is!" I should be dead like my parents. Gale should still love me. Katniss should consider me a friend, not an enemy. Haymitch is supposed to treat me like a daughter. "There's no point in me being here. I'm basically legally insane and psychotic. Everyone's given up on me I might as well just quit too…"

"Madge," he says again, but this time his voice cracks. "Don't talk like that."

"Nothing makes sense anymore," I tell him. "You say I don't understand you but have you tried understanding me?" There's a pause and I frown. "I lost my parents. Both of them. All my friends, all the people who ever cared about me. I lost my home, my life, my _memories. _I lost _you_. What we had must have been special or you wouldn't be sticking around like you are. I just wish I could remember… if I could remember then everything would…"

"I'd kill to forget everything. I'd switch with you in an instant," he spews the answer out so fast I look up from my knees. "Then again, maybe not. I wouldn't want you to have this pain…" he shakes his head and I know what he means. The fact that he remembers everything. "I was so endlessly in love with you that I wouldn't hesitate to give my life up," he adds faintly.

I gnaw at the inside of my cheek, "And now?"

"I'd still do it."

"But you're not endlessly in love with me, are you?"

"I still love you."

I groan, throwing my head back. "But it's not the same!"

"Of course it's not the same!" he snaps. "You've been through hell and back, I've seen things I never hoped to see in my entire _life_. We're at war! Of course it's not the same! You're different and so am I, but I still love you. My stomach still twists when I see you and whenever you're in pain I want to kill whoever caused it. Sure it's different, but it's not." I continue to gnaw at my cheek, trying to figure out how I feel about his words. "Yeah, it sucks that you forget things, but it sucks _more_ to remember them."

"I doubt that."

"We had sex," he spouts out just as fast. I widen my eyes and look at him. He either already lied to me, or is lying to me now. The way his words were gentle yet desperate confuse me, the way he drops his gaze and starts staring at the floor. I'm not sure if I want him to be lying now or lying then. If he was lying now it would make things a hell of a lot less difficult.

"But you… you said…"

"I lied." It takes me a moment to close my jaw, I blink a few times as the words process through my head. "Does that change things?" I jerk my head in a yes, but it might look like a no considering I'm feeling light headed. I can't see straight and I keep blinking over and over again but he won't come into focus. Finally I give up, closing my eyes and thinking back to that dream I had. The smell of smoke, gentle touches, kisses that made my lips swell and my stomach go hot.

"How many…"

My eyes snap open as he says, "Once."

I swallow and rub at my face, "You lied… you…"

"My mom was right there," he mutters. "Besides, I didn't know if you were asking because you remembered or because you were curious. I didn't want you thinking you had sex with a stranger, Madge." Technically we weren't strangers, but I know what he means. If some stranger had come up to me and told me we had sex then I'd probably be freaking out a bit.

"I knew it actually happened," I shake my head. "I… remembered it."

He frowns, "I'm sorry I lied." I shrug because I understand why he did it. Something like that is special, the way two people get lost in each other without a care in the world. And I didn't know of it until I had that dream. Meanwhile Gale could probably recall the entire night, my body molding to fit his, his lips grazing across every inch of my skin… I'm suddenly jealous of the old Madge. The Madge that had something like that with Gale.

"Was it… nice?"

Gale snorts and throws his head back against the wall. "You're ridiculous. You know that? Course it was nice, it was with you." My cheeks flare up and then I bury myself in my knees again. "I answered your question, now it's your turn. Does that change things?"

"I said yes,"

"You shook your head yes and it didn't even look like a nod," he corrects. After a pause he adds, "I also asked your mom permission to marry you." Again my heart drops in my chest and I lift my head to look at him. "Does _that_ change things?" I really hate the old Madge.

"Gale…"

"She said yes if it means anything," his voice drops and then he pulls his legs up like I have, resting his face against his knees. Gale was going to ask me to marry him. Gale wanted to marry me. He wanted me to be his wife, to be my husband. I drop my legs and crawl across the bed until I'm sitting next to him. "Madge," his voice is weak. "All I want is for you to be happy. I'm done trying to mess things up, I'm just tired of this and I want you to be happy." My hand rises to rest on his arm and he turns his head to look at me. "I love you. I do, I still do." He reaches out and cups my face. "I'll do whatever you want as long as it makes you happy."

"You still left," I say quietly. "You left me here."

"If it makes you feel any better I got stung by a jellyfish while I was in 4."

I snort, "Yes, that does make me feel better."

Another pause as I swim in his eyes, feel his hand trail across my cheek. "Why were you in training anyway?" his voice is soft. "I don't particularly like it."

"I want to join everyone on the invasion of the Capitol," I tell him. "I want to be able to protect myself, I want to fight and I…" my words get cut off as he leans, pressing his lips against mine. He drops his legs down flat as my hand wraps around his neck, sliding up his jaw and tangling in his hair. My worries, my fears and doubts all melt as he deepens the kiss, leaning over me on the bed and resting his hand behind me. "Why are you kissing me?" I murmur. A peck on the lips, his nose brushing my chin as he dips down to my jaw.

"Because I love you," he says back. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No," I laugh and he grins, continuing down my neck. "Not out of selfish reasons?" I ask, and Gale shrugs.

"It might be selfish… You're just so _determined_," his voice vibrates across my skin. "And the image of you shooting a gun…" he trails off and raises his eyebrows. I fall backwards on the bed with a laugh as he hovers over me.

"So what are we doing?" I whisper. I hate him. I like him. I want his skin against mine, his fingers tangled in my hair. He's a liar, he loves me. I can't figure this out. "Us, what are we doing?"

"Are you happy?" he lowers his forehead to mine. "Is this what you want?" I nod and I nod as he sucks against my lips. "Are you sure? We can start fresh, we can…" still I nod and nod, his hands sliding against my waist. "I want you to be happy, if this makes you happy…"

"Stop talking," I pant. "Gale would you shut up for once?" He laughs, his hands curving up, brushing through my hair lightly. "Will you leave again?" I ask, and he tips his head into a no. "Will you hold my hand and act like you like me?"

"Madge," he laughs, "I don't have to act."

"Even though I'm different?"

"We're both different," he says again before pressing his lips against mine again. "I'll try, okay. I'll try not to compare it to old times because I want to be with you. I really want to be with you and I'll do anything if we can start over." Again I'm nodding, I can do that. Fresh start.

"Gale," I say quickly, pushing him off and sitting up. Footsteps pad down the hallway. "Someone's coming,"

He groans, pushing himself up more. "It hasn't even been an hour," he mumbles, his hand reaching for mine as I lay to rest on his shoulder.

The speaker fizzles. "Hawthorne, what the hell are you doing in there?" Haymitch's voice rings on the other side, can't say I'm pleased to hear it. It makes my skin crawl, if we're being honest.

"Real question is what the hell is _she_ doing in here," he retorts, squeezing my hand a bit tighter. "I want her out."

"No can do."

"Abernathy I swear to God," Gale hisses. His words make me pause and I lift my eyebrows, I've never heard Gale talk about God even if he was blaspheming. "You let her out."

"Hawthorne,"

"She can stay with me," he says back. "You don't even have to look at her, we all know you don't want to anyway." I knew Haymitch had given up but hearing Gale say it like that makes me upset. And then most amazingly, the door opens. Without hesitation Gale pulls me up, charging toward it and keeping it open, pushing me out before he's out himself. Then without looking back, Gale pulls me from the hallway, down the twisting turns of some strange section of 13 that I've never been in. He doesn't say anything until we're back at his house and then he shuts the door behind him, locking all three locks and sliding the chain on.

"Well that was easy," I say quietly.

"Lost you twice, wasn't going to lose you again to _them_," then he leans down so his lips can graze across mine lightly. "I'm not going to rush," he says quietly. "I'm not going to compare it to then, it'll come back naturally. Whenever you remember something then you tell me, okay?"

"Sure," I nod. His hands twist around my waist and I press myself on my tiptoes. "I can't stand you," I mumble against his lips.

"Good," he replies with a grin. "We're already on the right track." He leads me down the hall quietly, the clock on the wall telling us it's sometime between 3 and 4 in the morning. Past his siblings room, Gale pushes me into his room and presses another kiss to my lips. "I'll sleep on the couch, you take my bed."

"Gale," I grab his shirt and attempt to pull him with me but he shakes his head, leaning down to kiss me again.

"Get some sleep in a real bed, alright?" I nod as his lips linger over mine. "Tomorrow I take you on a date and we talk about you training. Sound good?"

"Mmm," he pushes me backwards and pulls the door shut between us. "Gale," I groan, his laughter echoing quietly down the hall.

With a grin I can't wipe off my face I dig through his drawers until I find something I can wear, slipping into it quickly before climbing into his bed. His comforter pools around me and the scent of smoke envelopes my senses. Am I confused? Yes. Am I angry? Yes. Am I giddy? Hell yes. But as I drift off into the best night of sleep I've had in weeks I wear a smile because as long as he truly isn't giving up on me, as long as still loves me, I can do this. I can fight off the confusion and twisted thoughts and hang on to the faintest light of hope at the end of the hallway.

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><p><em>AN: Not my favorite chapter, mostly because I find it confusing. No matter how many times I rewrote it I couldn't get it right. They both have very conflicting emotions concerning the entire situation and they don't really know what they want. Meh. I know it's very contradictory. Don't hate me too much for it. _


	58. Chapter 58

**Disclaimer: I'm not a robot, I like to have at least semi quality work. Do not nag me for updates, I update when I please. **

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><p>No one questions as Gale and I sit down at lunch. Katniss doesn't look at me, or talk to me, but she doesn't question anything. Much like Finnick had with Annie, Gale doesn't let go of my hand. He talks to me quietly about how training went that morning. It was different, that's for sure. I'm by myself now, Fraizer still helps me but under the extreme watchful eye of like, three bodyguards. I'm not in Katniss's class and no one really speaks to me. I'm pretty sure Fraizer's scared to talk to me too, but he puts on a brave face.<p>

Peeta joins us for lunch and smirks at how close Gale is to me. I pretend not to notice the guards that stand behind him or the chains around his wrists. "What's with the fancy bracelets?" Johanna asks him.

"I'm not quite trustworthy yet," Peeta says back.

I laugh before I can stop myself, "Join the club."

"Am I allowed to sit here?"

"Sure," Johanna answers for everyone, patting the seat next to her. "Peeta and I are friends, we had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We're very familiar with each other's screams." I gnaw at the inside of my cheek and Gale squeezes my hand tighter. Annie covers her ears and Finnick shoots Johanna a nasty look. "My head doctor says I'm not supposed to censor my thoughts," she says matter-of-factly. Then she looks toward me, "Your screams too, Princess."

"Johanna," Gale bites but she smirks.

"I don't remember screaming," I say weakly.

"You wouldn't," she shrugs in response. With that everyone turns silent, Gale's hand drops from mine and circles around my waist. He doesn't need to say anything for me to understand that he's here for me. Meanwhile Finnick is whispering quiet things to Annie, trying to get her hands off of her ears. I remember that a bit, the part about Annie not liking the screams. I don't blame her. I still hear them too, sometimes.

Finnick and Annie eventually leave, Peeta hasn't said much of anything else. Everyone continues to eat in silence but Gale leans down, his lips hovering over my ear. "I'm ready to go when you are," he says quietly. I feel my cheeks run pink as he smirks, quickly pressing his lips to my temple.

"Well aren't you two precious," Johanna drones, pushing food around with her fork.

"Yeah," Peeta smirks, "you might want to hang on to her, Gale. I might try and steal her." Gale's grip tightens around me but he keeps an expressionless mask on. Peeta's voice was light and playful, only I don't think that's how Gale took it.

"Don't make me regret breaking you out, Mellark." Gale replies firmly. I look up and catch Katniss staring, her eyes dropping back down to her place when we make eye contact.

"You know," Peeta leans on his elbows. "I knew about you two before any of this even happened." Katniss furrows her brows but keeps her gaze down on the plate. Once again, Gale's grip tightens. "Figured it out. You two weren't very secretive."

"I'm done," I say abruptly, pushing myself away from the table. I don't want to talk about the past, especially if Peeta's eyes turn a shade darker. "See you later, Peeta," my voice is weak as Gale follows me out. The second we're outside the cafeteria he pushes me against a wall, his arm going above me.

"Did he upset you?"

"No," I say, suppressing a smile. I've decided protective Gale is my favorite, but then again I can only compare him to the Gale that dips out when he's nervous. "I just didn't want him to so I figured we could leave before he did." He nods, his forehead resting against mine. "I should get back to training," I say quietly.

His lips press against mine quickly as my stomach leaps up my throat. "Can I come?" Another kiss to the jaw, another one down the neck. My hands slide up and link around him as I nod. "Madge," he mumbles against my skin. I arch my back as his free hand wraps around my waist; Gale nuzzles into my neck and my breathing hitches. "We can skip training…"

I laugh, forcing him away lightly as he grins. "I have to go back." With a groan he drops his stance, his hand reaching for mine and twining with my fingers.

"How'd Peeta know about us?" he asks. "Wait, never mind," he says just as quickly.

"It's okay," I know he didn't mean to ask, considering I don't know. "I probably told him. Or at least confirmed it." I wrap closer to his arm, reassurance in the fact that we don't have to hide like he says we used to, reassurance in the fact that he isn't going to leave again. "Don't you have other classes to go to?"

"Do you really think I'm going to miss the opportunity to watch you fire a gun?" he raises an eyebrow, a sly grin creeping onto his face.

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><p>At training Fraizer runs up to help me, eyeing Gale as he follows in. "You're late," Fraizer says with a smirk.<p>

"That'd be my fault," Gale says with a grin. "Didn't exactly want to let her come back." His hands wrap around my waist lightly and I can't stop the pink that creeps up my cheeks. "You've been treating my girlfriend with the utmost respect, right Fraizer?"

"G-Girlfriend?" the younger stutters and his eyes go wide. "Yes, Solider Hawthorne." Fraizer looks at me differently than he had this morning, like he has more respect for me.

"As expected," Gale says back, a smile still playing on his lips. "I'll take it from here." He leans forward and ruffles Fraizer's hair, the boy smiling as he pushes Gale's hand away. Fraizer scampers away, excited to basically have the rest of the training day to himself rather than to work with me, and Gale takes me over to the shooting range. "Good kid," he tells me.

"I wasn't aware you two knew each other," I reply. Gale hands me a gun, "Although I'm not exactly surprised. You seem to know everyone, _Soldier Hawthorne_."

"I don't appreciate your tone, Soldier Undersee," he smirks, leaning over to kiss me again. "Okay, go."

I raise an eyebrow, "Just shoot it? Not very responsible of you. Fraizer always makes sure that I'm…"

"Oh, come on, Madge," his hands cross over his chest. "You're not an idiot. I know you know how to shoot a gun, I'm here to help with _aim_." My aim isn't that atrocious, it's fairly good for a beginner if I do say so myself. I correct my stance, making sure my gun is ready to go, and then position the gun. "No," he shakes his head. "Wrong."

I lower the gun, switching the safety on. "I didn't even shoot."

"Your stance was awful!" he laughs, taking the gun from my hands and motioning for me to move out of the way. "Like this," he stands differently, the gun against his shoulder, his elbows in a different spot. Gale tries pulling the trigger but I've put it in safety. "Aw, you actually do that?"

"Put the gun in safety? Yes," I frown, taking it back from him. "It's called _safety_ because it's _safer_." I take a stance similar to his, switching off the safety and firing the gun before he can correct me. The aim isn't too bad, a little bit lower and off to the left from where the target is. "See, it's not awful."

"Yes, it is," he smirks. Gale stands behind me, pulling my body into the correct stance. His breath tickles my ear, "Now shoot."

"You're distracting me," I force out, but his arms tighten around me. "This could be dangerous," I say lightly. "I could fire and totally miss because of you." His lips press against my ear, down the side of my neck. "Seriously, you aren't helping."

"You'll have to learn to fire with distractions," he teases.

"Not these sorts of distractions," I exhale as his hand slides against my hip. "Gale Hawthorne,"

"Shoot," he murmurs, so I do. He stands up straight as the sound the gun makes while taking a step backwards away from me. I can't help but laugh. He didn't think I'd actually do it. "Hell, Madge, you could've killed me!" He's exaggerating, I couldn't have killed him. The look in his eyes, however, is hilarious.

"You told me to do it!" I laugh and set the gun down. "Look, I hit the target," I gesture toward the bullet hole, still low and left but only a few inches from the exact center. With that Gale closes the distance between us again and nuzzles into my neck. "Maybe you're not as distracting as you think," I whisper. He laughs, the sound giving my skin goosebumps.

"Do it again, then,"

I shake my head, "Too dangerous. I could kill you." The rest of the day continues like that, constant teasing from Gale about my shooting. The miraculous thing, however, is that my aim actually starts to improve a bit. By the end of the day it's a lot easier for me to hit the center of the target. It isn't consistent but it's more than I've ever hit before. Fraizer watches us from the corner of his eye and once Gale notices he winks. Fraizer doesn't spy on us after that.

With Gale around me things seem to be much easier. People don't look at me like I'm crazy, I feel safe with Gale's hand in mine. Katniss doesn't show up for dinner but Peeta joins us again. He acts completely normal, completely calm. I'm starting to think that they used some sort of peace serum on him. "They said I'll get to start training," he tells us. Gale raises his eyebrows but keeps his mouth shut. "Maybe not tomorrow, but soon."

"That's great, Peeta," I smile.

He smiles too, "I could use some fresh air. I don't think I've had any for weeks."

"Me neither," I frown. The runs my unit goes on in the morning aren't outside the actual District, they're on special tracks inside. It's because the people I run with are younger kids and they don't want them up on the surface yet. Gale chews on his lip and wolfs the rest of his dinner down in the next few minutes.

"Let's go," he says quietly. I raise an eyebrow, finishing off the last of my water without question. Once I've pushed myself from the table he grabs my hand, pulling me through the District without speaking. We reach an elevator and he pushes me in, following after and closing it off.

"What are you doing?" I lean against the back and he turns to me.

"You'll see."

"Gale,"

"I said you'll see," he tells me with a smirk. I'm not a big fan of the elevators, I cling to the bars tightly. This elevator is mostly moving up, but it does go from side to side every once in awhile. The trip is a lot longer than I had expected it to be. "Alright," he tells me once the doors open, "we're here." I step onto the rubble outside the door with a confused expression. Gale reaches down, twisting his fingers with mine. "I promised you a date, didn't I?"

"I sort of doubt we have permission to be up here," I say as a smile cracks on my face.

"I sort of don't care what Coin wants anymore," he tells me quietly. "Besides, I have special permission," he gestures to the cuff on his wrist.

"I had no idea it was this dark out," I murmur, gripping his hand tighter. The lights inside have really thrown me off, I never expected it to be like this. Gale guides me through the rubble of the old District 13 until we reach a field. He pulls me down, allowing me to rest on his chest. "Best part about 13 is that there aren't any lights up here," he says, his hands twisting through my hair lightly. "Which means…"

"You can see the stars," I finish for him, blinking at the millions of fireballs that swarm the sky. He nods and his free hand, the one that isn't in my hair, reaches for mine. "It's been so long since I've seen the stars," I breathe. Nothing can replace the beauty of space, the unending galaxy above us. District 13, try as they will, cannot give me the impression of fresh air while I'm inside. They cannot give me the feeling of being alive I receive when I'm at one with nature. "There's so many. It makes me feel small."

"Is that good?" he asks carefully, and I nod.

"Makes my problems seem insignificant." Gale suddenly turns, his hand slipping from my hair as it cups my face. "What'd I say?" I laugh as his lips skim over mine. "Gale," I shiver as he diverts, hot opened mouth kisses trail down my neck. My hands rake at his chest and his eyes flicker open. "What'd I say?" I ask again.

"Nothing," he says before kissing me again. "You're just… wonderful," he breathes. We spend the night like that. Stargazing and kissing, over and over again. He kisses my wrists, my fingertips, my nose, whispering the sweetest things I've ever heard. His hands stay spinning through my hair giving me an overwhelming feeling of normalcy. After hours of what feels like heaven on earth we make our way back to the confining walls of District 13, the smothering air and crowded buildings. "We can go back whenever you'd like," he whispers to me, sensing my shift since we've entered. I nod, his hand reaching for mine again. When he isn't touching me in some sort of way I feel empty, I feel lost.

"Well, bed time," I frown once we're back in a familiar place. "I don't think Haymitch will be too happy to see me," I start off toward Haymitch's house when Gale stops me. It's not like I want to see Haymitch either.

"You're not going to Haymitch's."

"That's my house, though," I purse my lips. "Listen, I don't want to go either but…"

"You're not just going to show up and sleep there," he shakes his head. "You can talk to him tomorrow, you're staying with me until you do, though."

"Gale, he's my Godfather," I murmur, but let him drag me to his unit. "I have to talk to him sooner or later." His eyes harden as he turns to me, stopping us in the middle of the hall. "What?"

"He's not in a good state," Gale says slowly. "With you being… shaky… and him not being able to drink… it's been rough for him. I don't approve of how he's been acting but at least he didn't run away like I did." Gale pulls me closer, "Give him time to calm down and maybe he'll come to you. If he doesn't then you can go to him, and I'll go with you." I nod as he tips my chin up, kissing me quickly. "Bed time."

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><p>I tug on Gale's shirt and pull him into his room. "Madge," he frowns.<p>

"You don't have to sleep on the couch," I tell him.

"Yes I do, as long as you're here anyways." I shake my head as he shuts the door behind him. "If we're starting over that means moving from step one," he whispers, his hands slipping around my waist and pulling my hips toward him. "Not jumping to step five."

"But I like step five," I say nervously, unsure of how he'll take it. Thankfully he smiles again, combing his fingers through my hair. "Just lay with me," I plead. "I sleep better when there's someone with me?"

"How would you know that?" he asks. "Unless you've slept with someone…"

"I have trouble sleeping by _myself_," I correct. "I know I'd sleep better if you were here," I mumble. "Please?" I don't care what his mom thinks or what his little siblings think, I just want him to lay with me. I want him to play with my hair and kiss my shoulders and just hold me. That's what I want. "I want you to hold me." His eyes widen, pupils dilating, and he nods before kissing me again. We take turns standing in the hallway as the other changes, me just wearing another one of his shirts back from 12. It smells like smoke, it reminds me of home.

Gale flicks off the light switch and climbs into bed next to me. Without hesitation he moves to the side with the wall and I snicker, reaching up to cup his face. He looks down, his eyes illuminated in the faint glow that seeps from the hallway under his door. "You're beautiful," he whispers. His nose bumps mine as he scoots closer, his breath sending shivers down my spine. "Madge," his voice is a plea as his hand snakes around my waist. I need him closer, I pull his face towards mine until our lips brush.

I eventually turn so my back is to him and he scoots closer, molding his body to mine. "Did we sleep like this a lot?" I ask.

"Not enough," he says weakly. "Nowhere near enough." His knees nestle behind mine and his chin rests on my shoulder. "I missed this," he tells me. "So much." Gale kisses where my neck and shoulder meet as I tangle my ankle with his. His arm wraps tighter and I feel his breath down my neck. "I love you," he murmurs, and then I drift off to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night I've rolled back around to face him. Gale's arm is still securely around my waist but now I'm resting on his chest to the point where I can hear his heartbeat. He sits up in a panic, waking me from my slumber. "Gale," I choke out, "are you okay? What's wrong?" His heartbeat has picked up and he rubs at his eyes quickly, studying me intently. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," he says just as quickly. His voice cracks as he lies back down. "I'm fine." My hands trail across his chest as he pulls me closer. "Bad dream is all."

"Want to talk about it?" I ask, but he says no, resting his forehead against mine. I crane my neck to kiss him, his lips are warm and gentle. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," he reassures me. I don't mention that his heart is still racing in his chest or that his forehead is sweating. I reach up and trail my fingers across his chin, the faintest smile spreading across his face. "I'm glad you're here." I lay back across his chest, my hand tracing circles around his bellybutton and up his ribcage. "This is how it should've been," he says faintly.

"It's how it is now," I say back. "That's what matters."

* * *

><p><em>AN: I wonder what his dream was about, eh? More action is amongst us. Getting back into the sigh-I-love-Gadge phase._


	59. Chapter 59

**Disclaimer: I love summer**

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><p>Gale never leaves my side. His hand is always linked with mine or his arm is around my waist. People come in and film him teaching me to shoot. They even get a few shots of him kissing me when we're not paying attention. Gale tells me it's for propos that they're using, but I don't know how us making out is going to inspire the country.<p>

"It's not about that," he laughs. "It's just that even though we're being productive we still find time for…" he trails off before kissing me, totally getting lost in the sentence. Gale's kisses never get old. They always cause my stomach to stir, my thoughts to go fuzzy. "Besides, who wouldn't want to rub it in Snow's face that you're all mine again?" His kisses are a nice distraction. I haven't seen Haymitch in weeks, mostly because he avoids me and I avoid him. I miss him, sure I do. Sometimes I twirl the ring on my finger without even realizing it.

I throw myself into training. Half the nights I wake up with nightmares, my parents screaming as our building collapses or just a voice telling me to _please have a seat_. I'm filled with a burning passion to destroy them, the Capitol, to show them that they can't have me. Peeta shows up for some training too after awhile. He's more himself and I'm more myself. We shoot and we laugh and we run and we ache. My entire body aches. I'm sore in muscles I didn't even know that I had.

By the end of the week I'm sure I'm ready for more advanced training. I can do everything I've been taught on my own without help from Fraizer. I can do it in half the time he can, too. I'm more determined than I've ever been in my life, I just want to show the Capitol that they can't take me. "I'm ready to move up," I tell my trainer. I'm tired of waiting for them to take action and allow me on, I'm going to force my way there. "Today."

"Sorry, Solider Undersee," she frowns. "I don't make those calls."

"You're right," I cross my arms tightly. "I do. And I'm ready." She raises an eyebrow, amused at my outburst. I've talked to Trainer Jellu only a few times, she always wears a smirk of enjoyment. It's like she thinks I'm a lost puppy trying to find my way around. "Don't look at me like that! I'm not 15, if you haven't noticed," I glance around at the people who fill the room. They're all younger than me. "I'm 17, and I'd like to at least train with other 17 year olds."

"You'll have to talk to your boyfriend, hun," she raises her eyebrows playfully. "He's bent on keeping you here." My eyebrows shoot to my forehead and I'm out of the room before anyone registers that I'm leaving. Technically I'm always supposed to have someone with me, but Gale had his own training today and I've been by myself. I push through the training rooms, one after the others. My ears buzz with the sound of gunfire, ring from shouts of other trainers.

I search until I find Gale's unit. He's chatting animatedly with Finnick, a grin plastered on his face as Finnick waves his arms around the air. I don't hesitate to march over, jamming my finger into his chest. "Nice to see you, Madge," Finnick smirks at my arrival.

"Stay out of this," I snap, Finnick holding his hands up with a laugh.

"Gale's in trouble," Finnick teases, and then he's off, back to the shooting range.

I dig my fingers deeper into his chest and Gale frowns. "What'd I do?"

"What'd you tell Jellu?" His eyebrows narrow as he looks around the room, searching for people nearby. "Gale Hawthorne! What did you tell her?"

"I told her I didn't want you moving up," he says quietly. He grabs my hand and pulls me down to sit. "Can we talk about this later?" he sighs, but I narrow my gaze. "Can we talk about this somewhere _else_, then?" He takes my blank expression for yes, and then pulls me from the room back out into the hallway. I refuse to say anything else until he explains himself. "Alright," he leans against a wall and I take the other one, crossing my arms tightly. "What do you want to know?"

"What do you mean what do I want to know?" I hiss. "I want to know why you told her to keep me in training with children two years younger than me!"

Gale chews on his lip for a bit and throws his head back. "I just want to keep you safe, alright? I don't… I don't want you…"

That's when it clicks, "You don't want me going to the Capitol." Gale doesn't respond, just stands with his head back looking at the ceiling. "You never actually wanted me to advance, you don't want me on the mission."

"It isn't _safe, _Madge," he groans, raking his fingers through his hair. "If I kept you out of advanced training then you wouldn't be able to take the test and…"

"I can't believe you," I shake my head. "Out of everything you've done…"

"You're still shaky," he adds weakly. "You're not even supposed to be training after you held a gun on Katniss, you're lucky I got you back where you started."

"Lucky!" I throw my hands in the air and march over to him. "I haven't done anything like that in weeks! You still think I'm crazy?"

"I never thought you were crazy," he says quickly, finally looking down at me. "Other people, however, do. They don't think it's safe for you to hold a gun, they don't think it's safe for you to walk the _halls_."

I swallow sharply, "So you basically think I'm a helpless little girl that can't defend myself. Right?"

"All the anger you have for the Capitol isn't exactly going to be a good thing. You could lash out at any moment, you could corrupt the entire thing…"

"Like you don't have anger towards the Capitol," I ball my hands into fists.

"You really think you'd be able to kill someone?" Gale narrows his eyes in my direction.

"If I had to!" I throw my hands in the air again, "I can't believe you did this to me." The test for the Capitol is in a few days, there's no way I'll be able to catch up with the level everyone else is on. "You've made me weak."

"I'm trying to keep you safe," he says harshly.

"And what, you don't think I worry about _you_ being safe?" I narrow my eyes and his jaw unclenches a bit. "You're selfish." Gale goes to object but I cut him off, "No, you are. You only think about yourself, you aren't thinking about me at all." And with that, I storm back off down the hall. Gale doesn't rush after me, he doesn't call out. I hear the door to his training center open and close, just like that. Anger, loathing is built up inside of me. After everything I've been through, after everything I've seen and _done_, I'm still helpless. I'm still comparable to children.

I walk around District 13 angrily until I find my way back to Haymitch's. The door is unlocked and I storm in, unsure of what to do next. I need someone to talk to, I need my Godfather. Haymitch sits at the kitchen counter, a warm cup of some sort of tea in his hands. "Well, look who finally decided to come home," he says gently before turning to look at me. His tone is teasing and it almost makes me more angry, but then I see his face. Empty, bored, he looks tired. "What brought you back?"

"I'm sorry," the words choppily fall out of my mouth. "I'm sorry I've been staying at Gale's." Haymitch says nothing, tipping the cup back and forth between his hands. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you, but you treated me like I was insane. You locked me up, you wouldn't talk to me…" Words spill out of me at an incredible rate. "And I'm angry with you! I'll always be angry with you because of what you've done…"

"I know." That's all he says. That he knows. "And I'm sorry." The anger dissipates at his expression, the pained empty gaze his eyes hold on me. I rush forward without hesitation, Haymitch setting his glass on the counter and holding his arms open for me. "It was so hard to see you like that," he says weakly. "I didn't know what to do. I was driving myself mad but I thought I was doing it for you…" I can't stop myself from choking back sobs, tears from leaking from my eyes. "I'm sorry."

"You're supposed to be here for me," I say angrily, although it doesn't have much force behind it.

"I know," he strokes my head gently. "I know. I'm sorry." And just like that, I forgive him. He's the only family I have left, he's the only _person_ who will always be here for me to fall back on when everything else goes awful. He truly loves me, and I love him.

I spend the rest of the day with Haymitch. We sit at the counter and I tell him about how I've been training, how handy I am with a gun. I go off on a rant about how I'm not allowed to move up in the training levels and he remains impassive. I'm sure he doesn't want me moving up either, but at least he doesn't say anything. He doesn't want me training at all so I should be thankful that he allows it. "He's so selfish!" I throw my hands in the air, thinking back to how Gale is able to manipulate things into his favor. "Isn't he?"

"Please don't involve me in your relationship problems," Haymitch fidgets, his face contorting into some sort of pained expression. "I have enough problems with that boy, I don't need another." Haymitch and I spend the next few days like that, actually. I rant to him, he rants to me, we become friendly again. I spend a lot of time in my room reading. I don't want to train anymore if there's no point to it. I wanted to go to the Capitol and they're not going to let me if I'm twelve levels below everyone else.

Haymitch isn't going to the Capitol, he'll be staying here. That's reassuring, considering I don't want to be totally in the dark after everyone leaves. Bristel isn't going either, and if what Haymitch tells me is true then neither is Johanna. It would appear all of us that were kept in the prisons aren't strong enough to be in battle.

I can't stand to think about Gale. Every time I do my hands turn into fists and I narrow my eyes. Half the time I spend pacing, wondering when it was that he started treating me like this. Everything seemed so great! We were making progress together and then he decided to just let it all go to waste…

One afternoon I push my bedroom door open and freeze in my tracks, my hands easing out of fists. I had been marching around the District looking for something to do but ended up empty handed. Gale stands once I enter the room, his hands going to his side and a pained look on his face. He'd been waiting in my room for me. "I know you're mad at me," he says quickly. "I know you are. But can you forgive me for tonight? You can go back to being mad at me in the morning." He chews his lip nervously as I study him. "Please." I tip my head a nod before rushing into his arms. I know what this means. It means that he's leaving.

* * *

><p>"I don't want you to leave," I whisper, pulling his hand up so I can kiss his fingers. We lay in my bed, my back to his chest. Angry or not, I need him here, and if he's leaving then I <em>really <em>need him here. "Don't go."

"I have to," he says weakly. I roll to face him and his fingers trail up my face. "I don't want to."

"Then _don't_," I plead. Gale switches positions so his arm wraps around my waist. "I don't want you to go. Please don't go."

"I have to," he says again. I pull his face into my hands, craning my neck to kiss him. "I'm gonna come back," he tells me. "Don't worry about that, alright? I'm going to be fine as long as you're okay."

"I could be going with you," I say, but he shakes his head. "Why not? I could have done it, I could have fought and helped and…"

"I've lost you twice," his voice gives out as he pulls me closer. "I can't stand to lose you again. I _can't_, Madge." His nose rests against mine and I study his eyes, trying to memorize every detail, every flicker of gray and brown that swirl together. "You're right, I'm being selfish."

"Gale," my hands grab at his neck, bringing him closer. I don't care what he's being, I just want him. I need him. My lips press against his and he lifts himself up to hover over me. Gale kisses down my jaw, down my neck. "Are you scared?" I force out, but he shakes his head no. "At all?"

"I can handle myself," he tells me, kissing my nose gently. "Besides, I've got plenty reason to get home." I know he means me, and it causes my cheeks to flush pink. "I just need you safe, Madge. You're everything to me. Please don't be mad because of what I did." Again he's kissing me, I can't even think about what I wanted to say. Of course I'm mad at him, but he did it for me. I should be able to handle myself, but maybe he's right. I don't know. I just want him to be here.

"Don't go," I say again, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Don't leave."

"You're making it awfully difficult," he admits with a smirk. I shove him away, annoyed at his teasing, but he just pulls me closer. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Duh," I roll my eyes and he laughs. "What about your family?"

"I said goodbye to them before I came here," he whispers before pressing his lips below my ear.

"What if I didn't let you sleep here then?" I ask amusedly.

Gale rolls on his side, pulling me towards him by my hips. "That would've been really awkward to explain to my mom." With a grin my hands dive under his shirt, tugging it upwards until he obliges and pulling it the rest of the way off. "Madge," he lowers his forehead to mine, dipping in for kisses as my hands trail up his sides, back along his spine. I need the feel of him under my hands, the bittersweet memory of his olive skin. My lips press up his stomach, across his ribcage. "Hell almighty," he whispers, his own hands sliding under my shirt.

A knock on the door forces Gale's hands off of me. "Hey," Haymitch's voice carries through the room. "You two behave, you hear?"

"Go to hell, Abernathy," Gale shouts back, a grin on his face before he kisses me again. Haymitch's snickers are heard trailing down the hallway. "He has impeccable timing," Gale murmurs, his lips skirting across mine. He never actually gets my shirt off but we do spend the rest of the night tangled in each other. His lips slide against mine, down my jaw and neck, behind my ear. My ankle twists with his, his arm settles around my waist. I could spend the rest of my life like this, his chest pressed against my back, his breath gentle in my ear. "I love you," he whispers, over and over again. "I love you more than anything."

Yet, when I wake up in the morning, my bed is empty. His scent lingers, as does the impression of where he slept, but my fingers dance along the cold sheets and I give up hoping that he'll come back. I don't go back to being mad at him, simply because I can't. I can't be mad at him. I don't love him, mostly because my memories are muddled and I'm scared to say it if I do, but I like him a lot more than anyone else. I know I used to love him, and I know that I'll love him again, but I don't want to say it until I'm sure. I half wish that I had told him I loved him just in case something were to happen, but I know I have to wait until I mean it. Until I'm sure.

Haymitch knocks on the door and brings in some tea, saying nothing about last night's events. I know he doesn't like Gale but he keeps his mouth shut. "So they're gone?" I ask weakly.

He nods, "Left this morning." I picture Gale slipping out of bed, sneaking past Haymitch. Maybe they had a few words, maybe not. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

I shrug, sipping at the tea quietly. "Had to be done, I guess." He shrugs too, sitting next to me and sipping at his own glass. "Did you talk to him?"

"I was passed out on the couch," he laughs. "So no, I didn't. He locked the door, however."

"What a gentleman," I snort. We finish our tea in silence, I soak up Gale's scent, clinging to it as long as I can. "What's the tea for? I know you don't like him."

"No, I don't," he admits. "Boy's got a temper. You, however, are my Goddaughter, and I know you must be upset." I wait for him to continue, I'm not stupid. I know there's more to it. "How is it you can read me so well?" he frowns, considering I've said nothing. "Coin wants to see you."

"C-Coin?" I choke out. He nods and takes the empty cup from my hand. "What for? What does she… I've never even talked to her before!" Haymitch lifts his shoulders into a shrug, of course he doesn't know. She wouldn't tell him. He takes our empty glasses to the sink and I get ready, brushing my hair over and over again until I deem myself presentable. How do I impress the President? The things Gale murmured under his breath about her were never exactly the nicest, am I supposed to like her? I haven't had the best experiences with President's before, I feel as though they might all be the same. Cold. Cruel. Maybe not.

After I make myself look nice and then Haymitch and I take a walk down the corridors of District 13 in silence. Every once in a while he nudges me with his elbow and offers me a smile of encouragement. We wait outside her office for a few minutes before I'm ushered in. Her chair is turned so I can't see her, but I settle in the empty seat by her desk. Haymitch isn't allowed in the meeting, if that's what this even is. He waits in the hall for me.

"Ms. Undersee," her voice is gentle, although sends a shiver down my spine. Too much like Snow. "How nice it is to finally meet you." Alma Coin spins in her chair, finally turning over so she can see me. I'm not sure what I expected to see in her, maybe something similar to Snow. All I see, however, is a little old woman, ice in her eyes.

"And you," I fold my hands over my lap lightly. I'm a politician's daughter, I know how to handle myself.

She smiles, although it's forced, "I hear you wanted to join advanced training." I raise an eyebrow and she smirks. "Oh yes, I hear everything."

"They've already left," I shake my head. "It's too late."

"Oh, dear," she waves it off, leaning forward on her elbows. "It's never too late to send out more troops. We're still preparing our soldiers for war." I chew on my lip. Why now? Why has she suddenly decided to meet with me? To move me up? "You will train with Peeta. If, when the time rolls around, you pass the test, you will be sent into battle. Just as you wanted."

"Just like that?"

Her smile broadens, "Just like that." There's a pause in our conversation, something about the way her voice coils like fog makes me not trust her. "There's no one left to hold you back, Ms. Undersee. Mr. Abernathy will approve of you training, in fact I'm sure he'll be happy to see you off." Again I chew on my lip, I'm still not understanding her sudden persistence. "Is that what you want?"

"Yes, but I…"

"Good," she nods firmly. "You start tomorrow." And then President Coin pushes herself from her desk, exiting the room quickly and leaving me in the dark, confused as to what just happened.

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><p><em>AN: Don't worry... Madge and Gale won't be separated for too long. _


	60. Chapter 60

**Disclaimer: What if I stopped doing disclaimers omg.**

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><p>Training becomes my muse; it's the only thing to get me through the day. I run faster and jump higher and do everything the trainer tells me to do. Peeta joins me. We run and we ache and we show everyone that the prisons haven't put a damper on us. With Gale gone I have nothing to do, so I train more, and I train longer, and I train until I feel like I'm going to pass out.<p>

"You're going to break yourself," Bristel frowns as she wraps my ankle in a salve. Every day after I train I go to her and she makes the pain stop. Instead of becoming a solider she stuck to the medical route, helping Prim and Mrs. Everdeen in the hospital wing. "Why are you still training, anyway? I thought they already left for the Capitol."

I groan, repositioning myself on the bed. "Coin said she would still send us out if we pass the test."

"I just want to get out of here," Peeta adds from the bunk next to mine. Prim repositions some sort of wrap on his forearm and frowns. "Aw, Prim, I just want to help stop the war." For awhile I was confused as to how Peeta didn't lash at Prim but would lash out at Katniss. It makes sense to me now though, Prim is the epitome of innocence. Even hijacked Peeta likes her.

"I thought Gale didn't want you training?" Bristel asks slyly. She's been using everything she can to try to get me to stop, mostly just hinting at Gale instead of actually _mentioning_ him like she did now. I scrunch my nose and she smirks.

"Well Gale isn't here," I retort. She pulls her hands away and places them at her hips, narrowing her gaze. She thinks she knows how to get to me, but she doesn't. Not about this. I'm going to fight whether or not she tries to stop me. "Don't look at me like that! My life doesn't revolve around him, Bristel. I want to fight, I want to make the Capitol pay for what they did to me." They killed my family, they killed nearly everyone I considered a friend, they took my home, they took _me_.

"I'll second that," Peeta adds, flexing his shoulders and letting out a sigh of relief when his back cracks.

"Besides, he won't even know. Peeta and I are going to be sent to a different place, we won't even be around Katniss or Gale. We'll fight the war, win, come home, everything'll be okay. He won't even know I left, and then once he finds out he'll be all proud that I did it." Of course Gale will be proud of me, I'll be a soldier, a hero that helped end the war in Panem. I'll be a part of the future, maybe I'll go down in the history books. I won't be insignificant like I've always been before, I'll make a difference.

"I don't know, Madge," Prim sighs, sitting on the edge of Peeta's bed and facing me. It also confuses me as to how Prim can be so calm around Peeta considering he tried to strangle her sister. Then again, she's calm around me and I held a gun at Katniss. Prim's just good with people, I suppose. She doesn't hold grudges. "He might be upset." Apparently Prim _also_ knew about me and Gale before the Capitol took me and confused my thoughts. Sometimes she'll start giggling and then tell me something she remembered. My favorite is when I first told her I liked Gale, we were apparently playing the piano.

"Well then he'll just have to deal with it," I counter. The corners of Prim's mouth lift like she's about to smile, but it never quite makes it there. "Hey, what are you doing here anyways? Don't you have a date or something?"

Prim's face flushes and the smile dissipates, her hands reach down to smooth her shirt. "It's not a date, Madge."

"Sure it isn't," Peeta teases. Prim crosses her arms and lifts her gaze to him. "Go on, go to your date."

"Rory and I are just friends!" Prim says back, but her cheeks are tinted pink. I think Rory and Prim are adorable together. They're both 13 anyways, that's plenty old to date. Especially in a war time, especially if no one's sure how long we'll last. Bristel smirks and helps Prim off the bed, leading her to the door. "You guys are awful."

"You know we love you," I cheer, and then Prim sticks her tongue out at me before running down the hall. "Young love," I sigh, "how precious." Peeta snorts and rolls on his side to face me. "When's our test?" I ask him.

"Two days," he responds, watching Bristel carefully as she stores her things back in the cabinet. "You might want to have some salves on standby."

Bristel rolls her eyes, "I'm done helping you two. You're out to get yourself killed." I roll my eyes too and cross my arms over my chest. She doesn't have much of a reason to fight, and I know she doesn't like war. The fired up Bristel back from District 12 is hard to find in this stuffy District 13. She likes to keep a low profile now, doesn't like getting in arguments or anything of the sort. She and Thom are still together, and Thom has somehow found a way to stay out of the war too.

"I'm just tired of fighting," he told me the other day. "Actually, I'm just tired. I'm not cut out for this." I heard him talking to someone about how he felt when he thought Bristel was dead, and how he never wants her to feel like that with him. That's my best bet as to why he isn't joining the ranks alongside us.

Peeta and I leave the hospital wing and let Bristel get back to work. We walk silently for a bit but he's on edge, I know he is. "What's wrong?" I finally ask. He frowns, letting out a sigh he must have been holding in for awhile. "Peeta," I turn to him and we stop, letting people pass us. I pull us to the wall and he scratches at his forehead.

"I want to fight," he says. "I just don't want to endanger anyone. I feel like that's what will happen, like I'll hurt someone because of what they did to me." I know he means the Capitol, I know how he feels. "They're awful. They killed my family, they made me crazy…"

"You're not crazy," I say quickly.

"I feel crazy."

"But you're not," I place my hands on his shoulders. "Peeta, we're not crazy."

He smirks, "I didn't say we, I said me. I know you're not crazy, you're better at controlling yourself. Gale keeps you in check while Katniss makes me…" he squints and blinks a few times. I can almost see the thoughts running through his head. How he's supposed to love her but every fiber in his body is telling him not to. I sigh, removing my hands from his shoulders. I don't understand how it's fair, how I'm allowed to be with Gale again but Peeta isn't allowed to be with Katniss. Peeta still doesn't even understand that he loved her, that deep down he still does. It's not fair. None of this is fair. Then again, Katniss and Peeta are more of a threat than me and Gale, but I still don't think it's fair.

"Hey, you're not gonna compromise any mission, alright? You're not gonna hurt anyone."

"You don't know that," he scowls, taking a few steps away from me. I'm quick on his tail, looping my arm with his. "Madge," he sighs as I link my arm tighter, strolling down the hallway alongside him.

"I won't let you, alright?" He nods one but I know he doesn't believe me. "And you won't let me."

"You don't need to be watched," he nearly growls.

"Yes I do," I tell him. "There're people watching me right now. I held a gun at Katniss, Peeta. A fully loaded, fully functional gun. All I had to do was pull the trigger." Peeta scrunches his nose. "I'm still fragile, I'm not trusted, and I'm not even supposed to be walking the halls."

"I think you're exaggerating," he says.

"Well I'm not." I drop my arm and Peeta runs his fingers through his hair.

"If we're so unstable why are they sending us into battle?" he asks quietly. I raise an eyebrow but he holds up a finger. "It's like they want us to mess things up, Madge."

"They want to show everyone that we're strong again," I say quickly.

He shakes his head, "I don't think so. I think there's more to it than that."

* * *

><p>I think about what Peeta said for the next few days. I wonder why Coin only said I could move up once Gale left, same with Peeta. The test comes and goes and I pass it with ease, Peeta too. It's like we've been training for this our whole lives. Peeta tells me how it reminded him of the Games a lot, how there were different traps set up. After he tells me this he leaves the room, saying he needs to be alone before he does something stupid. I know he's trying to prevent himself from lashing out.<p>

"I know I'm supposed to be okay with this," Haymitch tells me the next day, "but I'm not. I don't want you going out there."

"Haymitch," I frown.

"Madge, you're all I've got." I rest my hand on his arm and he sighs. "Coin's doing this on purpose. She doesn't like you."

"That's reassuring," I mutter.

"She doesn't like Hawthorne either. Or Katniss or Peeta." The thing Peeta alluded to earlier sparks in my brain and I pull my hand away. "I don't know what her angle is, but she's up to something." Haymitch cups my cheek and frowns. "Don't you have a meeting with her?"

"Yeah," I purse my lips. "But if she doesn't like me…" Haymitch rolls his eyes and sends me on my way. I pick up Peeta and we walk together. I don't tell him what Haymitch told me. We're both ushered in to Coin's office and take our seats carefully.

"Congratulations," her voice finds us before her eyes do. She spins around in her chair again and I study her. She's plain, boring. She doesn't leave a lasting impression. Her eyes, though, they stare right through me. She smiles at us but I don't get a happy vibe. "You two have made it, just like I knew you would."

Peeta nudges me and a smile spreads across his face. "So we get to fight?"

"You two are great soldiers," she nods. "There's no reason to keep you here when you could be making a difference." Still, I can't find myself smiling. It's the way her eyes meet mine, like she's hiding something. "You leave tonight."

"Tonight?" it bubbles out of me before I can stop it. "But that's so soon! That's…"

"Would you rather stay here, Soldier Undersee?"

I bite my lip, "No."

"Then tonight it is. You will say your farewells and then meet at the loading station at 4pm exactly."

"That's in two hours," I narrow my eyes. That's not tonight. That's practically right now.

"Solider Undersee," her lips curl. "If you wish to stay here then please,"

"I'm _going_," I say again. She smile and crosses her hands, resting on the desk.

"Then you are dismissed to say your farewells. I shall see you off at 4." Her eyes flicker to Peeta. "You, Solider Mellark, will stay here so I can discuss something with you." I raise an eyebrow. "It's none of your concern, Ms. Undersee."

"Just go, Madge," Peeta says quietly. The look in his eyes shows me that he'll tell me later. I scrunch my nose and gnaw at my cheek, and then push myself from the chair. They say nothing else as I exit the room, making my way back to Haymitch.

We say our goodbyes, Haymitch holding me in his arms and telling me how much I mean to him. "You're the daughter I never had," he says. "My second chance." His arms stay wrapped around me for a very long time and I make no effort to leave. "You're strong, you're brave. I'm so proud of you." I even swear that he starts to cry. I give him a kiss on the cheek and tell him I love him. "I love you too, sweetheart," he says. "Now go change the world." With that he sends me off, a watery smile on his face.

Next I stop by Bristel and Thom. Of course they're together, they're always together. They even hug me together. "You're stupid," Bristel mumbles through misty eyes.

"I think she's got guts," Thom says back. "Spunk."

"I think she's an idiot," Bristel shoots back.

"I think you're both idiots," I grumble between them. They let go and smile at me. "I'm going to be fine."

"You better be," Thom raises his finger at me. "If you're not then Gale'll kill me." I stick my tongue out at him and he laughs, patting me on the back. "You'll be a good soldier."

"I _am _a good soldier," I correct him. Bristel squeezes me tightly one more time and whispers to me to keep safe. I tell her always.

Prim and Rory are next, Rory obviously upset that I get to go fight and he doesn't. "Maybe I'll see you," Prim says brightly. "They're training me to be a battlefield medic."

"They are?" Rory crosses his arms. "You never told me that."

"Well I knew you'd be upset I got to go and you didn't," she teases. Rory's cheeks run pink. "Good luck, Madge. I'm sure you'll be back before we know it." I give her one last hug, and then give Rory one too.

I tussle his hair, "Tell your family I'll miss them, alright? That I wanted to say goodbye but I didn't have any time." He nods and squeezes tighter. "Rory, I'll be fine."

"I don't hate you," he says quietly. "Remember what I said? I don't hate you."

"I know, Rory," I pull away and his chin quivers, although he tries to clench his teeth and stop it. "I'll see you soon." He nods, and then I'm on my way again.

The last person I say goodbye to is Annie. I haven't seen her much since I've been training but I know where she's staying and everything. I walk to her apartment quickly, glancing at the time. I still have a bit, but I know if I'm even a second late they'll leave without me. I can't stay here anymore.

"Madge!" she cheers when I open the door, pulling me into a hug. "Oh, it's so good to see you! I never see you anymore!" I laugh as she brushes strands of hair from my face, she looks different. Her cheeks are pink and the smile she wears is bright. "They're sending you off, I assume?"

"That they are," I nod. She grabs my hand in hers and squeezes tightly. "I just wanted to say goodbye before I left."

"That makes it sound like you won't be coming back," she says, raising her eyebrows lightly. "I know I'll see you again."

"Of course you will," I laugh, and then she hugs me again.

"Can I tell you something before you go?" she whispers. I nod and she leans closer to my ear. "I'm pregnant." My eyebrows shoot to my forehead as I pull back to look at her, she just nods over and over again, an everlasting smile spreading on her face. "Oh, isn't it great!"

"Annie, that's wonderful!" A baby born into the world that won't have to fear the reaping. A child that will grow up happy, grow up free once we win this war. "I'm so happy for you." She grins, bouncing on her toes. I suddenly want to stay, to sit here with Annie and talk about babies and baby clothes and cribs and toys and blankets and anything a baby would need, but I glance toward the clock and realize I'm running out of time.

"I know you have to go," she says, "I can see it on your face." I nod as she wraps me in her arms one more time. "You've made it so far," she says. "You never let the Capitol win." Annie plants a kiss on my forehead, and then pushes me out the door, still grinning. A baby. Annie and Finnick are going to have a baby. I nearly skip down the hallway to the loading zone.

Peeta stands waiting for me and then we board together, arms locked. "Nervous?"

"No," he says, but his voice is distant. I turn to him and raise an eyebrow and then he forces a smile onto his face. "We're getting out of here, be happy." With that I can't help but grin. We board a train and ride in silence. Somewhere in the middle someone gives us clothes to change into, our uniforms, and then presses a stamp onto our hand.

"What's that?" I ask.

"Squad number," they reply before leaving the compartment. I study the number, 451. It sounds familiar. It sounds very familiar. I rack my brain trying to think of how it sounds familiar.

"So we're meeting our squad there?" I ask Peeta. He nods his head once. I glance around the empty train and wrinkle my nose, we'll be outcasts with whoever we join up with. They'll have been together longer, we'll be the new recruits. "Do you know where we're going?"

"No, Madge," he frowns.

There's a pause as I watch him, the way his eyebrows furrow as he stares at the floor. "Well what did Coin talk to you about?"

"Nothing." It's silent the rest of the ride, I know the more I poke and pry at him the more likely he is to turn cold and snap at me. Maybe even attack me. So I drop it. I wonder who Peeta said goodbye to, it's not like he's made many friends since he's gotten out of his cell. Maybe Johanna. I wonder if I should have said goodbye to Johanna. We weren't friends, I don't think. She mostly just liked being snarky with me, trying to make me jealous when it came to Gale.

Finally we reach our destination and I've never been more eager in my life. I'm going to help change the world, I'm going to make a difference. I'm going to show the Capitol that they didn't win. That they can never win. Peeta who had once been excited is no longer. His eyes are dark and I grab his hand to shake him out of it, but they stay dark. It must have to do with what Coin told him, but maybe not. We step off the train and everyone at the campsite turns to study us.

That's when I see him, his head is turned and he's laughing at something Finnick said. He's sitting next to Katniss, who has her eyes widened, and she nudges him with her elbow. His laughter stops as he turns and studies me. I've got my gun, I'm in uniform, and his smile dissipates from his face. Gale Hawthorne is _not_ happy to see me.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Some of you were oh so right. Madge, welcome to the battlefield. _


	61. Chapter 61

**Disclaimer: Includes some real dialogue from Mockingjay. **

* * *

><p>"What the hell are you doing here?" Gale's words are forced out through clenched teeth as he pulls me away from everyone else. He snatches the gun from my hands and tosses it toward Finnick, then wraps his hand around my wrist and drags me to the edge of camp. He throws his hands up, "Well?"<p>

"I… I don't…" I can't figure out what to say. I was supposed to be somewhere else, somewhere where Gale _wasn't_.

He pulls his hands through his hair and paces, "After everything I did to make sure you were safe, after everything I did to keep you out of harm's way… you still! You still went back into training, didn't you?"

"Yes," I say weakly.

"I can't believe you," he shakes his head. "I can't believe you would be so _selfish_,"

"Me?" I let out a dry laugh and take a step backwards. "Me! I'm the selfish one!" Gale stops pacing and narrows his eyes at me. "You knew how much I wanted to do this and you held me back!" His eyes narrow more, as if possible, and he continues to shake his head. He opens his mouth like he's about to say something but I hold up a hand. "No, I'm not finished!" His mouth clamps shut and my hands ball into fists. "How is it fair that you get to go out to war while I'm home treated like someone who can't do anything for herself! I want to fight! I want to prove my worth!"

"You're the most idiotic person I have ever met," he says quietly.

I don't know if it's meant to be condescending or playful, probably the latter, but it pisses me off. "You just get up in the middle of the night without saying goodbye! You left me there to worry endlessly about you and then you act like I have no right to stand up for what I believe in? I'm glad Coin sent me here! Now you'll get to see that I can do this!"

"That's not the _point_, Madge!" Again his hands are in the air and he's pacing again. "I know you can do it! I know you can do this! But are you not registering that your _life _is on the line?"

"Are _you_ not registering that _your_ life is on the line too?" Gale turns to me and lets out a deep sigh. "Unlike you, I don't have much to go back to. Haymitch, that's pretty much it. No family. You have Posy and Rory and Vick and…"

"Don't," he bites out.

"If anyone's selfish it's you!" _Of course he's selfish_, words are suddenly pounding in my head. _He left you to die_. "And you left me in 12 to fend for myself! And you…"

"No I didn't," he narrows his eyes and his face turns as pale as it can get. "Madge I thought you were dead…" _He'd rather that's what you be, dead_.

"I might as well be, it's not like you… care…" my head aches and I stumble backwards. "Gale Hawthorne you are the most irresponsible, unloving _bastard _I know!" I have to squint my eyes as my vision is flooded with spinning lights. I have to force words out and it isn't with ease. "You never… cared…"

"Madge," my knees give out and he rushes over, catching me before I plummet. "What's going on in your head?"

"You don't love me," I pant, trying to push him away.

"Don't listen to them," he says gently. "Listen to me."

"You love Katniss," I whimper, my nails desperately trying to find his face, to get him off of me.

"I love _you_," he stresses, pulling me closer despite my attempts to push him off.

"You want me dead," _that's why he left you_.

"I'd rather me be dead than you," I blink open and find him staring at me. "Listen to me, not to them. Listen to _me_. I love you, Madge. I love you." Then he presses down, his lips quickly against mine. At first I'm confused, I keep trying to push him off but he keeps his hold tight. Softer kisses, gentler until my eyes flutter shut. "I love you," he whispers. "Madge, I love you. Can you hear me?"

"Yes," I nod and peel my eyes open. "What happened?" Gale drops his forehead to me and frowns. "What did… what did I do?" Panic bubbles up inside me as I see the look on his face, the disappointment and badly concealed terror.

"Nothing," he replies. "You just said some stuff, alright? I shouldn't have yelled, that was my fault." I grab his face in my hands and force him to look at me. "We were yelling and I pushed you too far. It was my fault," he says again. "You didn't do anything. I stopped you." I nod once as he dips to kiss me again, his lips warm and reassuring against mine. "I still think you're an idiot," he mumbles. "And I'm still mad at you."

"That's okay," I crane to pull him closer. "I'm mad at you too."

"Good," he says before kissing me again. I pull my fingers through his hair and he sighs, kissing the corner of my mouth, running his tongue over my lips.

"How'd you stop me?" I force him away. "From… from hurting you. How'd you know?"

"I knew you'd never actually say that stuff to me," he says quietly. "Whether you thought it or not. And your eyes got really dark, you kept blinking like everything was too bright. You looked really confused."

"Don't let me hurt anyone," I command him. He nods once and pulls me closer. "Gale, don't."

"Then go home," he says weakly. "Go home for me."

"I _can't_," I say again. "They killed my family, basically killed me…"

"Let's just go back to camp," he finally murmurs into my neck before helping me up.

"Don't tell anyone," I plead. "What just happened, don't tell anyone." His eyebrows furrow and he chews at his cheek, but eventually nods. I know he's lying.

* * *

><p>"You knew we'd be sent here, didn't you?" I ask Peeta that night. They've given us our own tent and neither of us are allowed on watch. "That's what Coin wanted to talk to you about." Peeta forces his head into some sort of nod and I scowl. "Why didn't you tell me?"<p>

"Because I knew you'd demand to get off the train," he says simply. That's why he was so upset, his eyes were so dark, because he knew he'd have to be seeing Katniss. "You swore you wouldn't let me hurt anyone."

"I won't," I repeat.

"I'm just so," his hands squeeze into tight fists and he nearly growls. "I'm just so angry! I just want to hit someone!"

"Peeta," I crawl across the tent and grab his hand, feeling his body ease up at my touch. "Look at me," I say, and he rolls on his side to face me. "What happened to you is not your fault. It isn't Katniss's fault either, you have to remember that."

"I don't…" his face clenches painfully, "Madge,"

"It isn't Katniss's fault," I repeat. "Say it."

"I can't," he chokes out. "I can't."

"Say it."

"It isn't her fault," he says weakly. "Katniss, it isn't Katniss's fault…" his hands tighten into fists again and he squeezes his eyes shut. I grab tighter and his body starts shaking.

"Stay with me, Peeta," I say quietly, pulling him into a sitting position. "You're stronger than this." His head jerks into a nod and his eyes snap open. "Right?" A few minutes later our tent door is yanked open and Boggs is standing there. "What do you want?"

"Both of you, out here," he gestures.

"What for?" Peeta snaps. I grab his hand again and feel him take a deep breath.

"You're sleeping in plain view of all of us." I reach down and grab my sleeping bag, then wait for Peeta to grab his.

"Just remember," I say quietly to Peeta once Boggs is out of earshot. "They don't know any better." He rolls his eyes but follows me out to the middle of the field. We lay out sleeping bags out and curl up into them. A few moments later I hear Katniss exit her tent, taking watch with another one of the soldiers. Peeta gets uneasy and starts knotting and unknotting a rope.

"What's Madge even doing out here?" Peeta mumbles, but mostly to himself. "She's fine, she'd never hurt anyone."

"Not what I heard," a solider named Jackson says. "Solider Hawthorne told me of a little incident today."

"Yep," Katniss mumbles. I know Gale told her, so he probably told everyone else. I wonder if he told her everything or just the fact that I backtracked. Probably just that I backtracked. Of course leave out the fact that I never actually _did_ anything.

"What'd you do?" Peeta asks me quietly.

I chew at my cheek, I can't get over the fact that Gale said he wouldn't tell anyone. "He provoked me," I finally say.

"Sure he did," Katniss crosses her arms.

"Much like you did when I drew a gun on you," I snap, and this time Peeta's the one grabbing my hand. I take a few deep breaths and squeeze my eyes shut. _You should've pulled the trigger_, the voice tells me, but I shake my head. I shouldn't have pulled the trigger, and I didn't. I'm stronger than the Capitol. Stronger than them. Katniss doesn't disagree with me because she knows it's true.

We lay there a bit longer, I try my hardest to fall asleep but it doesn't work very well. Same with Peeta, he just keeps knotting and unknotting. I can't stop thinking about Gale, how he lied to me, how he told them what I did. I don't blame him, I suppose, considering it's for everyone's safety, but he could have at least told them it wasn't entirely my fault. Now I'm being watched, and there's absolutely no way I'll be able to fall asleep. It's just like when I was in the holding cell, how I could feel everyone's eyes on me. Gale doesn't even leave his tent to be on watch too, or to talk to me or anything. He's probably fast asleep, no guilt on his conscious.

Peeta and Katniss start talking back and forth, I notice Katniss tries her hardest not to snap at him. I don't have enough energy to stop Peeta from his attitude, the way his words bubble out of him. Her voice eventually takes on a desperate tone, I turn on my side so I don't have to face her. They talk about her favorite color, and then about Peeta's.

"You're a painter," Katniss adds after a few moments of silence. "You're a baker. You like to sleep with the windows open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces." Then she dives into her tent leaving Peeta left to fidget beside me uncomfortably.

"Why did she say that to me?" Peeta asks quietly. "Tell me those things?"

"Because she cares about you," I say weakly. He squints his eyes like he doesn't believe me and I frown. "She doesn't want you to forget who you were. Did you remember those things?" Peeta jerks his head into a no and I sigh. "Exactly. She just wants to remind you. She still loves you."

"I don't think so," he says, but after that he falls asleep quickly. It takes me a few more hours but I eventually drift off, nothing but the stars above me as a reminder as to who I was.

* * *

><p>In the morning I wake and Gale, Katniss, and Finnick are all gone. We eat breakfast and everyone stays armed, watching us like we're monsters. With Katniss away at shooting practice with the camera crew Peeta seems less uptight. Time passes and we end up sitting in a circle waiting for them to return. Jackson has devised a game in which Peeta asks thinks and they tell him if it's real or not real.<p>

"You can play too, Madge," he tells me.

I just shake my head, "It's better for me to just listen." I don't think he understands that I legitimately can't _remember_ the things I'd like to ask about.

Peeta starts asking questions and I try my hardest to listen and help. "Most of the people from 12 were killed in the fire."

"Real. Less than nine hundred of you made it to13 alive." I cringe, because I knew that. I remember bursts of heat, being knocked off my feet multiple times.

"The fire was my fault," Peeta continues.

"Not real. President Snow destroyed 12 the way he did 13, to send a message to the rebels." Peeta nods, trying to process this information.

Suddenly something bubbles out of me before I can stop it, "I got out of 12 before they took me to the Capitol." Jackson stares at me, widening his eyes. Of course he wouldn't know the answer; I don't know why I thought he would.

"Real," a voice chirps from behind me. Gale's back. "You got on a hovercraft with Bristel and it was shot out of the sky." I don't turn to face him. I also don't ask any more questions.

The guards, or well, our _squad_ tries splitting me and Peeta up, saying that we're dangerous together. I bare my teeth and tell them I'll be dangerous if they take him from me. They aren't getting Peeta away from me, I promised I'd keep him in check and I can't do that if I'm not with him.

"Since when does she care so much about Peeta?" I hear one of the soldiers ask Gale.

I try my hardest to keep my mouth shut but I eventually hiss, "Since we went through similar torture methods." They don't try to split us up after that.

I listen as they go through game after game of Real or Not Real. Gale doesn't make eye contact with me and it only reinforces my anger towards him. I don't know what I excepted, him to be holding me I suppose, giving me kisses that would make me feel less crazy. I guess not. I don't even care anymore.

The next afternoon we're told we'll be in a propo. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be excited or nervous, because I'm mostly indifferent. I wanted battle, I wanted gunfire and danger and quickened breath, not staged propos.

We're suited up in special new suits and protective gear, if I'm excited about anything it's the fact that I get to hold my gun. Boggs makes a very big deal saying that Peeta's gun is filled with blanks. He only shrugs, "Madge is the good shot. Not me."

I frown as Boggs adds, "Hers is filled with blanks too." Of course it is.

Peeta studies one of the other soldiers in our squad to the point where it makes me nervous. It makes everyone nervous, obviously. Eventually Peeta asks, "You're an Avox, aren't you? I can tell by the way you swallow." I raise an eyebrow, no one's really spoken with me about Avoxes. "There were two Avoxes with me in prison. Darius and Lavinia, but the guards mostly called them the redheads."

"Darius?" I ask before I can stop myself. His name is familiar, he was mentioned a few times in my therapy but I never really asked about him. "He was in the prisons?"

Peeta nods, "I watched them being tortured to death. Lavinia was lucky, they used too much voltage and her heart stopped right off. Darius, though, it took days to finish him off." I try to swallow but it's thick in my throat. "Beating, cutting off parts, they kept asking him questions but he couldn't speak. He just made these horrible animal sounds. They didn't want information, just wanted me to see it." I wonder if they showed me Darius while I was there, I'm almost one hundred percent sure he was very important to me. "Real or not real?" No one answers him and Peeta's hands ball into fists, "Real or not real!"

"Real," Boggs finally answers. "At least to the best of my knowledge." Again I try to swallow but it isn't working.

"I thought so," Peeta says. "There was nothing… shiny about it." He starts wandering away and I follow after him, watching as Katniss makes her way to Gale. I suppose I should get jealous but I don't. They are best friends after all, and like I said, I'm a bit peeved at him.

"Peeta," I grab his hand and he turns to me with a frown. "Are you alright?" I study his eyes, still bright blue.

"Why would Snow do that?"

"Because he's evil," I offer. Peeta frowns. "Come on, let's get back." I rest my hand on his shoulder as he squints a few times. "Do you think they showed me Darius too?"

"Maybe," he shrugs, resting his hand on mine. "I guess you wouldn't really remember, huh?" I shrug too, and then we slowly walk back to the group. Gale watches me from the corner of his eye and frowns at my proximity to Peeta. I squeeze my eyes shut a few times, screaming ringing through my ears. Animal noises. Flashes of a red head. "Madge?"

"I think they did," I say weakly. "You know, show me Darius."

He nods, "You two were friends."

"We were?"

Again, he nods. "Yeah. He stopped Gale's whipping." I cringe, remembering that more vividly than Darius. "I don't know why Snow would show me Darius considering I only knew him through the Games, he was my attendant, and not show him to you if you had a real connection to him." The thought makes me sick, and I'm filled with a new inspiration to fight.

The more important people of the operation are sent to the makeup artist, Peeta and I standby as Boggs gives everyone instructions. Under his direction we wait for the camera crew to get ready, and then they're setting off a few smoke signals to change the atmosphere. I can't help but think that if we were really in battle we wouldn't need fake effects.

Gale's assigned the real target and we move down the street. Everyone has windows to blow out – except me and Peeta, of course – and they're doing a marvelous job making things look nice for the camera. I'm just grumpy. When Gale hits the pod everyone ducks, Peeta pulls me into a doorway while others flatten across the ground. Bullets shoot out and before we can rise the camera people go around and record our reactions.

They skim right past me and Peeta considering we take the entire thing as a joke. I can't stop snickering but other people are trying their best to pretend desperation. One of the soldiers tries so hard to look scared that everyone starts laughing, including me and Peeta. Boggs tries to keep us under control and I cup Peeta's face, trying to get him to stop laughing but he won't, he just shakes his head with a very-Peeta-grin on his face.

"Pull it together, Four-Five-One," Boggs says, trying to position the Holo of the street we're on into a better light. The smoke filling the air is making it difficult to do so, so he takes a few steps backwards. Peeta's still laughing so I'm not paying attention to Boggs, just to the person I deem a true friend in a place like this.

Peeta keeps mumbling something about _pathetic, he looked pathetic! _and I just keep snickering. That is, until Boggs triggers a bomb that blows his legs off. The laughing stops instantly, and all hell breaks loose.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Sorry, I wanted to update a few days ago but I went to he aquarium! Haha. I'm trying to keep the Peeta/Katniss interactions very similar as well as stick to the plot of Mockingjay as best I can. I really love the Madge/Peeta friendship, the fact that it makes Katniss and Gale both a tad jealous, and the fact that they truly are there for each other. Sorry if it triggered some Peeta/Madge feels because that's not my intention, I just really love their friendship!_


	62. Chapter 62

**Disclaimer: Re-reading Mockingjay has given me a new love for the book.**

* * *

><p>Everything happens so fast. Peeta dives over me and I crumple below him, he keeps his head up and we listen as another as another explosion rings out. Katniss rushes forward to Boggs and Peeta keeps me down. I keep trying to shove him off but I know this is the safest spot for me. "You alright?" he asks weakly.<p>

"Yeah, you're crushing me though," I force out. He pushes himself off and we wait a few moments, slowly making our way over to Boggs. Some green light is enveloping Katniss and I can't help but watch out of curiosity.

"Prepare to retreat!" Jackson yells in our direction. Finnick starts pointing towards where we came, a black oily substance, not quite gas nor liquid, leaks onto the street between the buildings and there's no way we'll be able to get through it. Gunfire continues and we look up, Gale and Leeg 1 are shooting through stones where we'll have to continue. Another bomb detonates and there's a hole in the street that we should be able to get through.

They start trying to drag Boggs and he protests in pain, I keep myself close to Peeta as the blackness behind us starts billowing toward where we are. Suddenly Peeta lets go of me, rushing forward towards Katniss. I'm too shocked from the wave behind us to see what he's doing, but reality suddenly kicks in.

He pulls Katniss back and she slams against the stone. Peeta looks down on her, his eyes dark as he rears his gun back. "Peeta!" I shout, lunging forward and knocking him so he's pinned to the ground. He's stocked up on tracker jacker venom so he's a lot stronger than me, and his eyes are dark as night. "Peeta, stop," I grunt, but his eyes stay dark and he doesn't let me keep my grip on him. He's stronger than I am but the determination I have is letting me stay against him. Peeta's eyes study me; a look of confusion crosses his features as his foot connects with my stomach, kicking me off of him.

I fly a few feet before colliding with the ground, cringing as my body aches. Agony shoots up my spine and I take a moment to collect the breath that's been knocked out of me, but if I don't get back to Peeta then he'll hurt someone else. I've felt pain like this before, in the prisons, when my ship went down, pain isn't a new feeling for me. I push myself up as fast as I can and charge at Peeta, knocking him down again. "Get off!" he hisses, but then my hand makes contact with his face. The action shocks him and he stops struggling just long enough that I can pin him again. People around us watch the interaction as his eyes start to fizzle back, those paying attention are unsure of what to do. "Get… off…"

"Peeta," I grunt as a wave of pain tingles up my spine. "You're stronger than the Capitol," I say. "Stronger than the Capitol, you hear me?" He blinks over and over again, his hands reaching up to cup my face. "Peeta, _please_."

"Madge?" He squints his eyes and then reaches down to his own face. "You slapped me," he says quietly, blinking his eyes and trying to process what's going on.

"You kicked me ten feet," I say back, pushing myself off of him. Mitchell, another soldier who had been running after Peeta before I got to him, helps me up. "Come on," I help Peeta up as he continues to blink, struggling with himself and the people around him, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. He doesn't understand what's happening, two conflicting realities are pushing at his brain. He'll walk a few feet perfectly fine but then struggle against whoever is leading him like they're trying to kill him. I keep Peeta forced behind me while Mitchell is attached to him, forcing him to walk forward, and although he's closest to the black ooze that makes its way to us I know it's the safest place for him.

Someone shoots open the door to a house and leads us in; I force Peeta down on the couch and grab his face again. "I'm fine," he forces out as I tip his head, studying the shade of his eyes. "Madge, really, I'm fine." In the panic someone cuffs Peeta and then forces him in a closet despite him no longer threatening to attack anyone. I drop my head into my hands knowing I can't say anything to get him out of the closet.

"Gale!" Katniss shrieks and I pull my head up, my heart sinking in my chest. Where is he? I go to stand and search for him but someone bumps me backwards.

At the last moment he rushes in choking out the word, "Fumes!" Gale makes his way to the sink and starts retching. Everyone else is grabbing towels and aprons to shove in the cracks of the house, I chew my lip as everyone around me panics and I keep my calm. Why am I so calm? I pull my fingers through my hair and scowl, I need to do something with my hands.

Mitchell sits next to me despite the panic and turns to me, "Thank you." I raise an eyebrow and the faintest smile creeps onto his face. "I'm sure if I had been the one to stop Peeta I'd be dead. The familiar face, you, it's like he knew not to use his full strength when kicking you. He knew it was you, I watched him study your face."

While this is happening Katniss kneels next to Boggs as he whispers something to her. "He still kicked me," I say back. I couldn't break through his entire shell, just the surface.

"Yeah, three more feet and you would've triggered more pods, you would've been dead… I would've been dead." Peeta starts slamming on the door of the closet they've locked him in and I drop my head into my hands again. "They were right, you have your head on more than he does."

"Don't talk about him like he's crazy," I nearly snap. "He isn't. It isn't his fault he's like this either, he doesn't know any better."

"I know," Mitchell replies. "Just… just thank you." Then he gets up and starts toward Boggs. Peeta keeps kicking, trying to get out of the closet, but no one pays any mind. They tune out his efforts easily while it's all I can focus on. Boggs is dead, they say so a few minutes later. My heart clenches even though he hasn't been very friendly to me as of late. He was the one that got me from the prisons; he was the one that saved me. Everyone starts to discuss about how we've got to move on because we're on surveillance, but I can't focus on their words. All I hear is Peeta's kicking. It eventually slows down, and then stops.

Katniss starts talking about a mission, one that Coin sent her on. A mission to carry on and kill Snow. Suddenly there's a lifting of guns. Half are pointed at Katniss, half at Jackson. "As your current commander, I order you to transfer the prime security clearance to me."

"No," Katniss says back. "That would be in direct violation of President Coin's orders."

Finally Cressida, one of the camera crew members, speaks up. "It's true. That's why we're here."

"And why are they here?" Jackson points toward where Peeta's being held, and then at me. I feel everyone's eyes on me and I think of the best thing I can.

"Some of the interviews were shot in President Snow's personal quarters, they think Peeta might know the location." I don't know why I'm lying, why these words are stumbling out of me before I can stop them. Coin never said anything to me, and if she said anything to Peeta then he never told me. So I'm lying. I know that I'm lying. I have to show Katniss that I'm on her side, though. That I'm not crazy, that I'm here for the same reason she is. To win this war. "He's obviously unstable though, which is why I'm here. I have to keep him under control."

Katniss tries to mask her confusion but I can see right through her, she's shocked that I'm lying for her.

"We have to go," Gale suddenly says, tearing his eyes from me. "I'm following Katniss. If you don't want to then head back to camp. But let's move."

Someone gets Peeta out of the closet and throws him over their shoulder, he's unconscious now and I hold back my angry words. He would've been fine if they hadn't locked him up. We all start walking a bit, me keeping to myself now that I don't have Peeta. There are objections of where we should go but then it's decided we put our masks on and go back the way we came.

I rush over to make sure Peeta's mask is on but Finnick beats me to it. "Don't worry," Finnick says, "I'm not going to let anything happen to him." I frown and continue to follow the path, keeping near Peeta's unconscious body. He's the only thing I have to focus on now, keep up and make sure he's alive.

We trudge through the black ooze, finally making our way to some sort of apartment. Everyone collapses once we get inside, trying to catch their breath. They lay Peeta out on the couch and I sit on the floor next to him, waiting for him to wake up. Jackson keeps her gun trained on Peeta, even though he's cuffed and unconscious, and I can't help but glare at her. Suddenly a chain of explosions shakes the room and I look toward Katniss, our new leader.

"It wasn't close," Jackson says. "Good four of five blocks away."

A few minutes after that the television turns on, I jump to my feet before someone shouts that it's alright, that it's an emergency airing. The reporter on screen identifies half of us by name, including me. I'm sort of shocked to hear my name on the television, I didn't think I was that important. We're deemed dead.

I suddenly feel a pinch of guilt, Haymitch will think that I'm a goner. I'm not, of course, but he'll still think it. "So, now that we're dead," Gale suddenly says, "what's our next move?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I turn around to face Peeta who I hadn't known woke up. His face is distorted in obvious discomfort. "Our next move is to kill me."

"Peeta," I scowl.

"I almost murdered you!" he shouts in my direction. "If it hadn't been you I probably would have murdered whoever it was, Madge!"

"But you didn't," Finnick offers. "You stopped once she got through to you."

"Who cares?" Tears start to well up behind Peeta's eyes, his chin quivers. "I'm a monster, I'm a mutt. I'm a weapon now, Snow made me a weapon."

"It isn't your fault," Finnick says gently.

"You can't take me with you. It's only a matter of time before I kill someone for real this time, and I can't let it happen. I won't."

"I'll kill you before that happens," Gale dismissively says. Without pause I leap to my feet, an obvious tinge of annoyance plastered on my face, and storm into the kitchen. This is pathetic! We can't kill Peeta, no one can kill him! Once Peeta's gone it's only a matter of time until I'm gone too! Peeta's voice carries over from the living room and I know he's still trying to convince people to kill him, but I pace the room I'm in. "Madge," Gale lumbers in after me.

"You aren't killing him," I say, crossing my arms and turning my back to him. "You'll have to kill me first."

"Would you not talk like that?" Gale mutters. "I don't appreciate it."

"And I don't appreciate you openly saying you'll kill him!" Finally I snap around to him and jab my finger into his chest. "You're so calm about it too! Who even are you?"

"Someone trying to keep you safe," he says plainly. "I'd only kill Peeta if he put us in danger, it's not like I'd do it for fun." I let my hand fall and Gale lowers his forehead to me. "When he kicked you off of him today," his hands wrap around my back and I give in to his efforts, "I wanted to snap his neck. I thought you were a goner, I knew what was past us, in those pods."

"But I'm fine."

"He could've killed you and you're still defending him," he shakes his head. "You're crazy."

"I'm looking out for a friend," I say weakly. "He promised to keep me in check if I kept him in check. It's been working, too." Gale dips until our lips collide and I sigh, my hand traveling up his chest. "Why can't you just trust me?"

"Because we're really going into battle now," he responds.

"You won't talk to me," I say, but his lips are on mine again and I can't form another sentence.

"I'll just trigger something again," he tells me, pushing us until we're against a counter. "I can't. I can't do that." My arms snake around his neck and hold him close to me. "I don't want to be the reason you go mad."

"I'm not mad," I shake my head. His arms tighten around my waist as I cave, sighing as he nips across my neck. "I'm strong enough to do this."

"I know," he breathes. "I just… I just keep thinking if that had been you out there, if you hadn't made it inside…" Gale shivers against me and I pull his face up. "I can't live with the knowledge of knowing I'm able to stop you. Like if something happened and I knew I could have prevented it," I press on my tiptoes and kiss him gently. "If something happens to you that I could've stopped and I didn't…" Again I kiss him, bringing him as close to me as possible and trying to stop his words. "Sorry," he whimpers as he rests against my forehead again. "I just… you're everything," his voice gives out as he kisses me again, my annoyance and anger from today slowly dissipating.

"Oh," a voice pulls us out of our apology and Gale lifts his head slowly from me. Katniss stands in the hall blushing, "I was just, we were looking for food. I didn't… sorry."

Gale smirks, "It's alright Catnip. We should get back anyway," Gale tugs at my waist as my own cheeks turn pink.

We all sit down in the living room and eat from cans that some one discovered hidden in the house. The residents of District 13 are outraged that the people in the Capitol were hoarding cans, but if they hadn't been then we'd be hungry for the night. I station myself next to Finnick and Peeta, nudging the blonde in his side with a smile. Peeta tries to offer one back but he can't quite do it.

The Capitol continues to talk about how Katniss is dead, the Mockingjay gone, just a girl who didn't know what she was doing. Katniss basically just rolls her eyes in response. She blinks a few times and it's obvious that she's tired but she insists that Jackson show her how to work the Holo.

"You know," Finnick says quietly to me, "I never thought you were crazy."

"That's sweet of you," I say lamely.

Finnick smirks, "You and Annie were friends. You never thought she was crazy either."

"That's not true," I admit. "I always thought Annie was crazy."

"Yes, but you didn't mind," he smiles. "That's what matters. She spoke highly of you. Said you two were very close in the prisons." I lift my shoulders into a shrug, I don't know if we were or not. I remember her, that's for sure, but I don't know if we were close. "Thank you." Again I shrug, I'm unsure why everyone keeps thanking me today. I've done nothing special. I study Finnick for a second, I remember the way everyone talked about him. I've seen the videos, his confession of what the President made him do. It makes my stomach knot, he's been living through hell most of his life and he still battles on. I wonder if he knows Annie's pregnant.

"Madge," Katniss voice rings out and I lift my head away from my can. I finished it awhile ago but focusing on the ridges of the metal has given me something to do. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," I force myself up and follow her into another room. She waits until I'm in and then closes the door, taking a seat on the bed. "What's up?"

"Why'd you lie for me?" she asks cautiously. "I know you don't like me. And I know you know this isn't a real mission."

"Real mission or not, it has to be done. And it's not that I don't like you," I tell her as I take the seat beside her. "It's these people shouting in my head," I start to shake my head, "they're telling me not to like you. We're friends." She nibbles her lip, unsure of my words. We might not be friends now but we used to be. "I trust you."

"Why?"

"Because you're not stupid. You're determined." Still, she nibbles her lip. "You're a bit crazy, but you'll do anything to survive. To keep people safe."

"Is that what the voices are telling you?" she mutters.

"No, they're telling me to kill you." Her eyes snap in my direction as I hold up my hands. "I'm just not listening." I know Katniss isn't good at saying things so I wait a moment. "Sorry for holding a gun on you," I say. "It is kind of your fault, though. You kept yelling at me. That's what gets me… bad. Yelling, usually." Sometimes it's other things that trigger it like the Mockingjay necklace but as of late it's been the yelling.

"Then I'm sorry," she says, leaning back on her hands. "I was upset. I mean you had Gale and you were friends with Peeta too, meanwhile I had neither," she starts to shake her head. "I didn't understand why Gale liked you, or why Peeta could talk to _you_ normally and would threaten to kill_ me_. It never made sense." She pushes her bangs out of her face, "I guess I see why now, though."

"Why's that?"

"Because if you're upset you keep it to yourself, you don't yell or accuse other people unless you're provoked." She shrugs lightly, "You're good with Peeta… with keeping him calm." She scrunches her nose as someone knocks on the door. "What?"

"You okay?" Gale's voice carries through and I watch Katniss smirk.

"Yeah, we'll be out in a sec." His footsteps echo down the stairs and she turns back to me.

"Peeta's going to be okay," I offer. She shrugs as if she doesn't believe me then goes to stand. "Really, Katniss. The last thing anyone needs is you giving up on him."

"I'm not giving up on him," she says with a tinge of annoyance and a frown, and then she pushes herself from the room. I sigh as she leaves and then carry myself down a few minutes after her. I know she didn't mean to be angry, I can't blame her. She's just upset. Everyone's gathered in the living room and Katniss is asking about how we're going to carry on. Of course the best suggestion is the one I least want to deal with.

The place where the prisons were, the suffocation of District 13. We've got to go underground.

After climbing through many tight spaces and what feels like hundreds of yawns later we reach the underground sewers. When we're told that we have to keep walking to further distance ourselves I must give some groan of disagreement. "This is what you signed up for," Finnick teases lightly before we start our trek. My body aches, all I want to do is sleep.

Hours later, apparently six, we reach a place deemed appropriate to sleep. No one has been looking at me like a monster as of lately so when Gale pats the spot next to him on the floor I crawl up gratefully. His arm wraps around my waist and he nuzzles into my neck. "Goodnight," he whispers before pressing a kiss to my skin. I start to reply but sleep overtakes me before I can.

I stir in the middle of the night to Katniss and Peeta in conversation. I turn my body and pull myself closer to Gale's chest, his grip around me tightens and I wonder if he's awake too. The last thing I hear before I drift off to sleep again is Katniss telling Peeta, "Because that's what you and I do. Protect each other."

A bit before seven we're all being woken up. Katniss wakes up Gale who wakes me up, kissing my nose quickly and brushing a strand of hair out of my face. I yawn and throw my arms up, stretching and rolling my shoulders, sighing as they crack. Suddenly Katniss is shushing all of us, chewing on her lip as she looks down the tunnels and that's when I realize what she's trying to listen to. A hissing, but more than that. It's her name. Over and over again.

And it's coming straight for us.

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><p><em>AN: Okay can I just straight up say that my intentions were never for any of you to hate Katniss? You have to understand that Katniss has a lot going on, the whole world _and _the future are weighing on _her_ shoulders, so it's easy for her to become agitated. She's frustrated, confused, tired, all she really wants is to understand why everything is happening and she really can't. Of course she still cares about Madge, but this is _Katniss _we're talking about. She's going to have trouble with her emotions and what not. So stop hating on her, I actually love Katniss. So there. Enjoy the chapter! _


	63. Chapter 63

**Disclaimer: I quite enjoy writing Mockingjay with Madge in it.**

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><p>Peeta stirs at the sound of Katniss's name ringing through the tunnels and she pulls an arrow on him. He's obviously upset, his hands opening and closing as if the sound is meant to trigger something in him. I'm about to lunge for him when he suddenly shouts, "Get out of here!" I narrow my eyes at the interaction and Gale grabs my hand, stopping me from leaping forward. He knows Peeta's fighting off whatever was meant to trigger him, it brings a swell of pride to my heart. Peeta's stronger than them, I knew he was.<p>

"It might be a good time to split up," Katniss says. Everyone objects, _everyone_, and then weapons are being divvied again. Katniss hands me a loaded gun and tips her head at me once, a sign of trust, and I watch as she instructs the other members on how to shoot. Peeta's the only one without a weapon but he doesn't seem to mind; he keeps squeezing his eyes shut and taking deep breaths, his hands cover his ears every few seconds. His eyes are turning darker but he's trying his hardest to stay with us.

I know whatever's following us must be a muttation, it has to have a keen sense of smell if it's following us so well. They're a bit behind us but should be able to catch up fairly quickly. Years of watching the Games lets me know that muttations are fast, they'll be here shortly if we don't start moving.

Finally we get the signal to move forward. Everyone tries to keep their tracks light and I can't help but throw glances behind me every once in awhile. My heart pounds in my ears as I try to picture what could be following us, how so many of them together make Katniss's name echo through the tunnels. Everyone tries their best to keep quiet but sometimes people splash in water in the sewer, sometimes a gun clangs against another. Katniss even tries to keep her voice quiet but it rises a bit louder than it should. She knows this too, considering she cringes when she gives orders.

Suddenly screaming starts, it bounces off the walls and surrounds us all. "Avoxes," Peeta tells us without hesitation. "That's what Darius sounded like when they tortured him." I cringe as images flash before my eyes, Darius shaking his head, screaming in front of me. I have to take a deep breath, forcing the picture out of my head. White room, bright lights. They definitely tortured Darius in front of me. And he _did_ sound exactly like this. Gale grabs my hand again, nodding at me once. I force a smile to show him that I'm okay and then he lets go, a frown plastered on his face.

It's then discovered that the mutts aren't just after Katniss, they're after everyone in the tunnels. They won't stop until they get to her. Gale and Leeg 1 confirm my suspicions by discussing this. Gale throws a glance in my direction and swallows painfully before looking away. I know what he's thinking, that we could be next. That I could be next. I'm thinking the same thing about him, about all of us actually.

Once the screaming stop we all hear Katniss's name again only it's below us as well. Everyone starts running knowing that our time is limited. They're closing in on us, the mutts are closing in. My heart races in my chest, there's nothing I can do but move forward.

Katniss starts gagging as the scent of roses fills the tunnels; Jackson orders us to put our masks on. We continue to run, Katniss and Gale using their bows to blow up pods, one after the other. I keep behind them considering I never had a map and have no idea what pods could be released, what traps could lie ahead.

"Katniss!" Finnick suddenly yells, grabbing her shirt and pulling her backwards. We all turn to see a member of the crew, someone named Messalla, frozen in his tracks. His mouth is opened, he might be screaming but we can't hear. His skin melts from his body and I have to turn away before I hurl. He's found himself trapped in an unmarked pod, and there's nothing we can do to get him out. His skin drips from his body and I put my hands over my face to block the picture.

"Can't help him!" Peeta yells, pushing all of us forward. "We can't!" He pushes my back and forces me to continue charging forward, I can't get the image of his melting flesh out of my brain. Thankfully Peeta was able to pull us from our stupor, forcing us to continue on down the tunnels.

Suddenly gunfire is raining down upon us. I freeze for a moment, remembering the night of the bombings when the Peacekeepers just fired into the crowd at random. When it happened the first time I cowered, I cried, I froze up in fear. That won't happen now. I have a squad I have to help protect, I have a reason to fight. With new determination I pull up my gun, finding a Peacekeeper and taking him out in one shot. It continues on like that, everyone firing if they can and watching as the Peacekeepers give out. I don't even flinch. They're just dummies in target practice for me.

Blood spills over the uniforms and someone knocks into me, causing me to almost lose my balance and tumble into the pod in front of us but I catch myself last minute. We're surrounded, I'm not letting these Peacekeepers win. As we run I shoot, trying my best to get them all in one shot. More continue to poor into the tunnels, effectively surrounding us. We'll never have enough ammunition to take all of them out and the Capitol has an endless supply anyway. We're going to have to find another way out.

I turn my head to search for a tunnel we can duck through and end up stumbling backwards. I get a glimpse of what's been following us and my stomach turns in my chest. The mutts lurch for us, four legged full grown human reptilian creatures that want nothing more than death. Disgusting tails, arched backs, they rip off Peacekeepers head as they climb over them, trying to get past them to get to us.

"This way!" Katniss shouts, turning to avoid the pod in front of us. Our squad joins her as she activates a pod, making it harder for the mutts to follow. "Forget the mission, what's the quickest way aboveground?"

I can't tear my eyes from where the mutts will be coming, their sick bodies still evident in my mind, as well as the melting skin and the blood that dripped onto white Peacekeeper uniforms that _I _caused. I don't even have time to care about the last one but the image is still imprinted in my head.

Peeta forces me forward as a few other members of the squad rush backwards, running past us without a word of goodbye. "Where are they going?" I choke out, running my hand over my face once to compose myself.

"To hold them off," Peeta responds. He means the mutts. Which means we don't have much time, and neither do they. We reach a ladder and my stomach clenches again. We just left people behind. We left people behind. I know it's too late for them when the lizard mutts slither onto the ledge toward us. They're gone, we didn't even hear the screams of those who just sacrificed themselves. I don't know who it even was, to be totally honest. I try to scan everyone in the crowd to figure out who we're missing but I can't. The faces of everyone blur together and I can't focus.

"Stand back!" Gale shouts, sending and arrow to destroy the ledge they come at us on. It explodes, some of the mutts sinking into the sewers. The mutts are closer now and I can see them, the gore across their hands and feet, claws that could kill on impact.

Everyone begins to open fire. I doubt my bullets will do much to stop them so I aim for their eyes, their nose, anything to prevent them from tracking us further. Many of my bullets go through their brains as well, which helps as they slip into the depths of the tunnel. They can't hang on forever but they do have an advantage on us with their thicker skin, their seemingly ever beating hearts. Not only that but the sewers keep filling with them, more and more pile up until there's no hope left to carry on.

"We've got to start up!" someone shouts. I can't identify their voice but I'm soon being forced toward the ladder. I jerk my way out of their hand and make my way back towards the front line, continuing to fire my weapon.

Again someone places their arms around me trying to tug me backwards and I shake them off. No. I refuse to go until everyone else is up. What does my life mean to the others? Katniss has to carry on, she has to make the future a better place. Eventually whoever tried forcing me to the ladder gives up, trying to save their own life instead. Katniss reaches the ladder and so does Peeta, everyone starts going up. I keep my head twisted so I can watch people climb. Gale's too caught up in the moment to notice that I've stationed myself on the ground.

"Climb!" Gale shouts at Katniss, and then she pulls him up too without hesitation. Person after person until it's just me and Finnick. "Madge!" Gale's voice carries down the shaft and hits a nerve with me. Of course he'd notice I hadn't climbed up yet, but that isn't the point.

I clench my teeth, "Finnick, go!" I stumble backwards and grab his shoulder, trying to push him towards the ladder.

"You first!" he yells back, shoving me toward the ladder. He continues to spear them with his trident, lizard muttations collapsing in front of us. We're not enough to hold them back, the creatures are pushing through our defenses. I take a deep breath trying to register the fact that I am about to die.

"I said you!" my bullets dig into the mutts and they climb closer, it's getting harder to breathe. My life feels infinitely small. "You have to get back to Annie!" He's being ridiculous! He has a kid on the way, he can't just abandon ship! Someone starts sending arrows down the tunnel, just in time too. The mutts are only feet from us as Finnick shoves me against the ladder. I feel their claws against my ankles and know the Finnick must be getting the worst. He rears his trident back and knocks another on the head, the one at my ankle must have died.

"We've got to keep going!" Katniss's voice carries down the tunnel. They can't go without Finnick! He has to get back to Annie!

"You're not sending the Holo!" Gale screams back. "Madge!"

"Climb already!" Finnick hisses. My fingers feel for the rungs and protest in pain as I try to force my way up. I keep turning around to see Finnick who continues to hold them back. He grunts in pain as another arrow cascades down the tunnel and wipes them out, a wave of heat licking at us. "Go," he chokes, and then I pull myself up the ladder. I don't climb until his hands are nipping at my ankles, forcing me up faster. My heart is pounding in my ears and I lift myself onto the cement above us.

Someone grabs me and pulls me away from the hole to give me space and allow Finnick to hoist himself up. The second he reaches the surface and collapses on the ground Katniss throws her Holo in screaming, "Nightlock, nightlock, nightlock!" Someone else from the crew pushes the lid down and then an explosion echoes below us. I pant as I stare up at the sky, balling my hands and unballing them. If Finnick had gone up before me there's no doubt in my mind I would've died. I try to force myself to sit up but I can't, everything seems dizzy and my throat is entirely too dry.

Suddenly I'm being smothered in Gale's arms, he pulls me up to sit and the world goes hazy. "You're an idiot," he breathes, kissing me again and again. "I love you but hell you're an idiot." He keeps his grip firm on me as I pant, still trying to catch my breath. He doesn't let go, just tightens his grip. "Are you okay?" he asks, finally pulling away and cupping my face in his hands. "Are you alright? What hurts? Madge are you okay?"

I nod over and over again but that isn't enough for them, they want me to use my voice. I choke out that my legs, my ankles are covered in scrapes. They start searching for some sort of cream but we don't have anything of the sort. They hand me a bottle of water and I sup gratefully, my breathing eventually slows. "You saved my life," Finnick says abruptly. I lower the water bottle and turn to him; his bronze eyebrows are knitted in concentration as he watches me. "You risked your life for _me_."

"You should've been up first," I almost snap, but the way his chin quivers doesn't allow it to come out harsh. I'm suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion, I don't know how to explain myself to him. "You have to be back for Annie, Finnick. You can't just let yourself go."

Then he does something I'm not expecting, he throws himself over me and wraps me in his arms. Finnick says nothing as he holds me, the only sound I hear is his breathing. People eventually pull us apart so they can wrap up our legs where we were attacked. Finnick has tears in his eyes as he lets go of me and I offer him a gentle smile, his hand cups my face once before he turns to tell someone what's hurting him.

"We can't stay here," Mitchell says as his hands wrap my leg in someone's jacket. I cringe as it tingles and squeeze Gale's hand.

Peeta starts begging to be left behind, claiming he'll go mad. I'm in too much pain to say anything, to defend or help him carry on, I just keep squeezing Gale's hand. The more I sit here and think about the claws that attacked my skin the more they hurt, I can feel every beat of my heart in my ankles. Katniss leans forward and presses her lips to Peeta's, not drawing away until she needs to breathe again. Everyone is shocked at her sudden movement. "Don't let him take you from me," she demands, a sound of desperation in her voice.

Peeta breaks out in a sweat, "No, I don't want to…"

"Stay with me," she clenches his hands tighter.

"Always," Peeta murmurs, his eyes returning to a shade that could be deemed as normal. Gale pulls me to my feet and I sway, not ready to face another danger in the moment. His hand wraps around my waist as a guide, Finnick uses Mitchell to walk. A quick scan of everyone else shows that Finnick and I have the most amount of damage from the ones who survived the attack. My stomach clenches as I think about the people who sacrificed themselves. I was about to sacrifice myself. I could've been one of them.

As Katniss takes out a Capitol citizen and we make our way into her house I wonder why I was so willing to give myself up. I know a few people would be sad if I was gone, but it's just a few. If Finnick had died then nearly all of Panem would be heartbroken, that, and Annie doesn't need to add anything that will make her worse. I'm no one special, I'm just another soldier trying to make the world a better place. If I had died, if the mutts had reached me and I had died then I can only hope it was for a good cause. The future of Panem is more important than my measly life. The fact that children won't have to fear being Reaped, or cower when Peacekeepers walk by, that's why I'm fighting. If I die then it'll be for a good reason.

"How long do you think we have before they figure out some of us could've survived?" Katniss asks as others search for people in the building.

"They could be here anytime," Gale answers after depositing me on the couch. Finnick sits next to me and I rest my hand on his leg, giving his knee a reassuring squeeze. We could both have died, and we're both still here. The thought amazes me. "They knew we were heading for the streets. Probably the explosion will throw them for a few minutes, then they'll start looking for our exit point."

It's decided that we need to conceal ourselves, so we start for the closets. We find a woman's closet as well as a man's and then we start suiting ourselves up. They go to take Peeta's handcuffs off but he refuses. "When I feel myself slipping, I dig my wrists into them," he says. "The pain helps me focus."

Katniss digs through the girl's closet while the men go through the other. Thankfully it's cold outside so we can hide our uniforms and weapons under giant bushy coats. I hate to admit it but some of the clothing here in the Capitol gives me a brief reminder of home, it makes me tear up for a moment. I go to help search through the clothing but Finnick pulls me and makes me keep sitting. "They'll bring us things," he tells me. "We just have to sit here. Hopefully they find medicine." I nod and fidget, feeling entirely too useless. "Thank you," he says quietly. "I'll never be able to repay you."

"Would you stop," I frown at him, causing the smallest of smiles to form on his face. "I wasn't going to let you get left behind. You're much more important than I am."

"Not to Gale," Finnick nearly snorts as the boy he speaks about strolls back into the living room. Gale has medicine for us, spreading some sort of cream over our cuts gently. "How come you spend more time on her cuts than on mine?" Finnick raises an eyebrow. "Is it because she's prettier than me?"

"Oh, Finnick," I roll my eyes playfully, "no one's prettier than you." Even Gale smirks at my comment, a brief feeling of normalcy spreading throughout the room. It's crushed of course, when Katniss brings down clothes for us to force on. I'm still not steady on my feet but I'm able to get myself wrapped in a coat, concealing my weapon underneath as well as my uniform. I don't comment about how ridiculous I'm sure I look, considering that's the point, and I wait as someone applies makeup to my face.

_Everyone_ looks ridiculous, like Capitol citizens, I try not to seem too amused at the outfits everyone is wearing but inside I'm giggling like a schoolgirl. We all get scarves wrapped around us and even the boys get coated in makeup. I have to stifle a laugh when I get a glimpse of Gale. He rolls his eyes, obviously un-amused by what we have to do. With that, he offers me his arm and leads me to the door. We're about to brave the Capitol as wanted criminals.

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><p><em>AN: Obvious amount of direct quotes taken straight from Mockingjay, with Madge added in when I deemed necessary. I couldn't let Finnick die, I couldn't! The pain, oh the agony! He had to live! I just love Finnick so much, so very very much. _


	64. Chapter 64

**Disclaimer: I think we're nearing the end...**

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><p>Everyone strolls down the Capitol streets with a bit of nerves. I keep my arm around Gale's and he helps me limp; I try my best to conceal the awkward hobble but I'm still in a bit of pain. Finnick is much better at pretending like he's okay. Of course he's using Mitchell to stroll down the street but he doesn't flinch as pain strikes up his spine. He keeps a grin on his face with every step he takes.<p>

After a bit of walking we hear sirens go off, and from our place on the streets everyone sees our faces flash across the screens in Capitol houses that surround us. Everyone is about to become an enemy, someone we'll have to hide from. Gale wraps his arm tighter around my waist and leans down, pressing his lips to me once. I know he's going for the Capitol couple in love but I don't mind the interaction. It makes me less nervous. It also conceals us a bit better. It's just his way of reassuring me that we're okay, that we'll be alright. I grip his hand tighter and force my body closer to his.

We pick up our pace as Cressida leads us through the twisted streets until we reach a store. She said she knew a place, but I didn't think it would be like this. I guess when I think of a safe house I think of a white room, a place that's filled with communication systems and people in uniform. This place, however, is nothing like that. It's covered in furry clothes and I try my hardest to mask my confusion at where we are. Cressida heads straight for the person behind the counter while we all lag a bit back. It would look suspicious if we all went up, and the woman Cressida is talking to has whiskers. _Whiskers_. As if I'm not already out of my element enough.

"Wouldn't you look lovely in this?" I coo in my best Capitol accent, holding up a fur pelt to Gale. "Dear," I pull Finnick toward me, "wouldn't he look ravishing in this?" I gesture back to Gale who tries his hardest not to look angry.

"Oh, indeed!" Finnick plays along although his eyes stay focused on the interaction at the counter. "Darling, you should try it on!" I nearly bust a gut at Finnick's attempt at Capitol accent. It bears a striking resemblance, so spot on and silly I have to clench my teeth to prevent my chin from quivering in mirth.

"I don't think it's my size," Gale says back lamely, his eyes narrowing in annoyance but his lips pressed in a forced smile. He doesn't even pretend to have an accent. "Maybe find another."

"Oh, please!" I nearly beg. "For me?" Gale chews his cheek and goes to lift the coat on as Finnick holds back a bit of laughter. At the last minute, however, we're being waved forward. Gale raises his eyebrows playfully and I roll my eyes, grabbing his wrist and pulling him towards the panel in the wall.

Tigris, that's the name of them woman who's helping us. She has a hidden room in her shop in which we'll be stored. "Did Snow ban you from the Games?" I hear Katniss ask the woman. I try not to pay any mind to her whiskers as I walk by her, forcing my way down the tiny steps and flicking on a light. "Because I'm going to kill him, you know." Something of a smile forms on Tigris's face, and then Katniss pushes her way to crawl into the space as well.

The place we end up is small, no windows or doors; it's a cellar of sorts. It's cold and there's a mess of different pelts all over the floor. Once Katniss reaches the floor we hear Tigris sliding the wall shut again, and then we're trapped in her cellar.

All at once Finnick drops his cheerful act, his face contorting in pain as he hunches against the wall. We tear off our outfits and start making him a bed of pelts, laying him down gingerly as he bites back yelps of agony. I grit my teeth through the pinches of pain that tear up my spine knowing Finnick risked more than I did. He's hurt because he made me go up first, I should be the one in his pain. All in all I don't have any right to protest, I saved his life, both of our lives, by refusing to go up the ladder. If I had gone up and left Finnick there then the mutts would have reached us; my extra bullets and the worry of Gale who sent down flaming arrows is what allowed us both to survive.

Katniss starts working away on Finnick's cuts, sewing them together with some sort of needle and thread. Once he's settled, filled with painkillers and knocked out, I find myself a corner and take a seat. Peeta makes his way over and hands me a water bottle, sliding down next to me.

"Peeta!" I gasp at the red that rings around his wrists. "Katniss!" I call, "Peeta needs some bandages!"

"Help Madge first," he shakes it off. I raise my eyebrows and narrow them angrily. He eventually adds, "Or not."

Katniss works diligently on Peeta's wounds, the handcuffs he's been digging his skin into have caused them to bleed out. "You've got to keep them clean," Katniss tells him as she puts an antiseptic over his wounds. "Otherwise the infection could spread and…"

"I know what blood poisoning is, Katniss," says Peeta. "Even if my mother isn't a healer."

Katniss pauses in her work, tossing me a quick glance before continuing to wrap up his wrists. "You said that same thing to me in the first Hunger Games. Real or not real?"

"Real," Peeta responds. They continue to talk about the first Games as I sit idly by, watching as Peeta fights off tracker jacker memories for the real ones. After a bit he says, "I'm so tired, Katniss." His eyes go to me. "Can you tie me by the stairs?" I frown as Katniss takes the job, although uncomfortably, and shackles him with his hands above his head. It doesn't matter, however, for Peeta passes out quickly.

I stay in my corner, my head back against the wall as I listen to the breathing of everyone. My mind goes hazy and all I want is to sleep, sleep for the rest of my life. I don't care how in danger we are, how trapped we would be if the shop was raided. I'm just tired.

"Hey," Gale lowers himself next to me. "You haven't complained about any of your cuts." I lift my shoulders into a shrug, they weren't that important. His hand tilts my chin until I look at him. "How about I fix you up then we go to sleep, yeah?" I must jerk my head into some sort of a nod because Gale starts pulling away the weak makeshift bandages from my legs. "It's going to sting," he says softly. Again I feel myself nod, cringing as he spreads an antiseptic over my cuts.

I clench my teeth to keep my grunts of pain muffled; I don't need to wake everyone else up for my bit of discomfort. "Gale," I force out, grabbing his shoulder. "Stop, it hurts."

"It's going to," he says as he wraps fresh new bandages around the cuts. "But I'm done now." I nod and lean my head back again, letting go of his shoulder but balling my hands tightly. He stands and offers a hand to me but I force my head into a no. There's no way I'll be able to walk, I'm good right here in my corner. "I've got you, then," his voice is quiet. Gale leans down, one of his arms going under my knees, the other cradling my back. He lays me down gently on a pile of pelts and I curl into a ball. I feel my heartbeat pounding through my skin as the medicine he gave me stings. Gale makes his way across the room, grabbing some painkillers and a bottle of water. I take the pills quickly and chug down some water, my eyes flickering shut almost immediately. Gale stations himself next to me and makes sure not to disturb my stance. "How do you feel?"

"Everything hurts," I whimper as his arms lowers over my waist. With his touch a bit of the pain eases, I feel safe with him around me.

"Want to go home?"

"No," I shake my head as his lips move toward my neck. "I'm just tired."

"You're so determined," he mumbles, the sound of his voice is as gentle as ever. I turn my body and curve to fit across his chest. "So brave," he adds, and then I drift into a dreamless sleep.

When I wake up Katniss is telling everyone, or well everyone who's _left_, of how she lied about the mission. Gale rolls his eyes, saying how everyone already _knew_, and I can't help but smile. I curl myself into a tighter ball and listen as they talk. Then I count the people in the room.

Katniss. Peeta. Gale. Me. Finnick. Mitchell. Cressida. Pollux. Eight. There are eight of us.

Gale starts talking about how everything we've done has been successful thus far and then Katniss goes off about how we've lost so many people, how no one even cares who dies anymore. Peeta tries his best to convince her that everyone we lost knew what they were doing. For some reason Katniss caves at his words, listening as he breaks through her thick skull. Eventually everyone changes the subject and they all try to figure out how to get Snow out in the open so Katniss can kill him.

I stay in my spot and just listen, I'm still tired. So very tired and I know I won't be able to fall back asleep. I just try to absorb the warmth of the pelts, the warmth from Gale's body before he left our makeshift bed. Gale eventually notices I'm awake and he winks at me, offering me a gentle smile. I return the smile but still can't force myself out of bed. That is, until Tigris offers us some food.

It doesn't matter to me that the cheese Tigris gives us is moldy or that the bread is stale, it's one of the best things I've ever eaten. I hadn't realized how hungry I was. After we eat Finnick slips me a can. "You didn't eat lunch," he shrugs his shoulders. "It isn't fair we got more than you." I shovel that down my throat greedily and watch as he grins. "How very ladylike," he teases. I don't hesitate to jab him in the side with my elbow. At first I think he'll flinch in pain but he only chokes out laughter.

After dinner we all talk about a plan, how we're supposed to carry on. Someone mentions that we should split up and Gale twines his fingers with mine. "No," I snap, tearing my hand out of his. "You're going with Katniss." I know what that gesture was, he wants to stick with me.

"Madge," he frowns.

"Don't _Madge_ me," I mutter. "If we split up then you're going with Katniss. You're her best friend, she trusts you the most out of any of us. Don't you Katniss?"

I turn to her, watching her fumble. "I mean, it's his choice if he…" my eyes narrow and she sighs, "Yes, Gale. I trust you the most."

"But I," he begins to object.

"No buts, you're going with her." Gale scrunches his nose knowing there isn't a way to convince me otherwise. I look toward Katniss again and her eyes crinkle into a smile. She mouths the words _thank you_ and I tip my head once.

I know Gale wants to keep me safe, I understand that, but right now Katniss is our best chance at winning this war. They work well together; they've spent years hunting in the woods. Only Gale knows how Katniss's brain works, knows what her commands and orders mean. They basically have an entire code worked out just through inside jokes they've acquired over the years.

Eventually everyone decides it's time for sleep. Katniss makes herself comfortable by Peeta and Finnick, Gale leads me back to what we've made a bed. I know he's angry with me by the way his eyes watch every move I make.

"Gale," I start, but he holds up his finger.

"You're right, I'm mad." I frown, knowing I didn't even need to say anything. "But it's alright. Can't we just not fight? For tonight? Just cherish the fact that you're alive and I'm alive and we're here together?" His words cause my stomach to flip and I tip my head into a nod. "Good, because I'm tired of arguing over every little disagreement." He pulls me close to him by my hips and presses his lips against mine. "I love you," he whispers.

"I'm well aware," I say back, watching his lips curve into a smile. I still haven't told him I love him and I'm not too eager to. I want to be sure; I want this damn war to me over before I utter those words. I like him, I like him _a lot_, but I don't know if it exceeds that. Yes, he gets my heart racing, and yes he gets my thoughts muddled. But is that love? I don't know.

"Good," he says again, his lips gentle against mine. I laugh as his hand tangles in my hair, pulling away and pressing my forehead against his. "Get some sleep," he says quietly.

"Sing me a song," I reply. Gale raises an eyebrow and I feel my cheeks heat up. "Please?" I don't know where the request came from but I'm suddenly filled with an intense desire for it. To hear his voice go along to some sort of tune. For all I know we could be raided and discovered, killed on the spot tomorrow. I just want to hear him sing. I don't know why, I can't explain it, I just do.

"I'm not a good singer," he laughs. Mostly everyone is still awake and engaged in some sort of conversation, I know it isn't because he think they'll hear.

"Please?" I ask again. His eyebrows pull together but a smile stays on his lips. "Gale," I kiss him quickly and he sighs. I know how to get to him, how to pull on his heartstring. "I _really _want you to."

Gale frowns as my hand strolls up his cheek, "I don't know any songs."

"Then make one up," I suggest lightly. Again he's smiling, shaking his head as if I've gone crazy. "_Please_," And then he starts humming. He makes up his own tune, humming and throwing in random tidbits of whistles as I nuzzle against his chest. "A song with words," I tease.

"Your songs don't have words," he says back before continuing to hum again. I know he's referring to the piano and I laugh. "…_her eyes sparkle like the stars_, _sometimes I think she's from Mars." _I raise an eyebrow as he goes back to humming. _"Her hair is bright and golden, shining as the sun…"_

"That doesn't rhyme!" I laugh as I run my hand up his chest, pulling him towards me in fistfuls of his shirt. I launch myself until our lips collide, but Gale pulls away quickly.

Again he hums, "_She drives me up the wall…"_

"This is not a real song," I press my lips to his. He hesitates before pulling away, his hand sliding up my spine slowly as he sucks against me.

"You said I could make one up," he eventually replies. "…_she can't dance to save her life…"_

"I'm a fine dancer!" I laugh again, pulling his face into mine and sliding my lips teasingly across his. A muffled moan of pleasure comes up his throat as he nudges my shoulders back, breaking the kiss.

"Who said this song was about you?" he jokes, raising an eyebrow. I fake a gasp as he goes back to humming. "_…her skin is softer than the finest silk; her words keep me up at night_…"

Again I kiss him, "Do they now?"

He raises his eyebrows and nods lightly. "_…and I loved her then. I love her now. I always will…" _I cut him off for the last time, dragging his chin until his lips are forced against mine. And he kisses me, and he kisses me, again and again until my heart sinks into my stomach, until my fingers knot in his hair. He keeps kissing me until I forget how to breathe, until sleep threatens to overtake me despite the rapid beating of my heart and hazy thoughts that cloud my brain. Everyone else in the room has drifted off and I keep my giggles stifled, we keep our kissing quiet. "Go to bed," he finally murmurs with a grin. I shake my head and pull him towards me again, he diverts at the last minute and kisses my cheek. "Go to sleep," he says quieter as he licks his lips.

My hands have found their way up his shirt, tracing circles around his bellybutton and up his ribcage. Gale's hands stay gentle around my waist, tracing designs onto the skin near my hip where my shirt has ridden up. After a few more kisses I finally drift of, pressed as tightly to him as I can manage. When I wake the next morning I'm still nestled against him; I take a moment study his features. The scrapes he's received from battle that claw across his face, the tip of his nose. I watch as his chest moves up and down as he breaths, I nuzzle into the stubble on his chin.

While he sleeps I think about his words last night, the way he held me, the way his hands traced across my body. I think about the war and how despite everything that's happened he continues to love me, continues to keep the promise of fighting. Not only the war, but fighting for me. Trying to get me to stay with him, trying to keep me as his. And as he shifts in his sleep and unconsciously pulls me closer I realize this: I'm in love with Gale Hawthorne. His eyes flicker open as he wakes and his dusk gray orbs glisten as they find me. There's no doubt in my mind anymore. I can't seem to figure out why there was doubt in the first place. I'm in love with him.

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><p><em>AN: I'm playing up the Madge/Finnick friendship as much as I want because I love it so ha. Like I said in the disclaimer I think we're nearing the end... it feels strange. What was your favorite part of the chapter? Review and lemme know!_


	65. Chapter 65

**Disclaimer: The war rages on **

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><p>The rest of the morning is mostly spent in a panic. Not by me, of course, but by everyone else. I don't quite understand what's fully happening because I'm muddled with thoughts of Gale and sleeping but I know it isn't good. Katniss paces the cellar back and forth and Tigris leaves to get any information she can. Citizens on certain blocks of the Capitol are being asked to leave because the pods are starting to go off and it's creating a dangerous atmosphere. Some are being set off by rebels, some by the Peacekeepers, but all in all it isn't making for a very fun situation.<p>

"We're in the home stretch," Mitchell says as we watch citizens scurry around in a panic. "Getting to the end." The thought should comfort me but it does the opposite, knowing we're going to have to go back into battle. Just because we've made it this far doesn't mean we can keep getting lucky. I'm not scared to fight, it's not that. I'm just worried. Worried about Gale, worried about Peeta and Katniss, worried about Finnick. I can only save someone's life so many times before fate gets angry with me.

Peeta chews his cheek as Katniss continues to pace. Finnick tries to get her to stop but to no avail, it doesn't even look like she can hear his words. Her face doesn't contort or anything of the sorts, she just keeps her brows furrowed and paces. Not only is it driving me up the _wall_, it makes me more nervous. Eventually Tigris returns with food, _hot _food, and we all dive in with greedy stomachs, shoveling the food down as fast as we can. Nothing has tasted better than this.

The TV tells us that people are to start opening up their shops and homes for people who have been displaced, and we all realize that the very place we're staying in could turn into a refugee center overnight. Everyone looks around as if we should start forming evacuation plans but we keep our eyes on the news before saying anything. The television continues to tell us things that make me sick, like how a boy that resembled Peeta was beaten to death out of fear. The picture they show us of the boy looks _nothing_ like Peeta except the blonde hair. That's it. People are starting to go crazy.

After dinner Gale and Katniss offer to do the dishes and I watch Peeta's eyes follow them out. "They're going to leave," I say. "Aren't they?"

Finnick nods, "Maybe I'll go with them."

"They won't want you to," I tell him. Katniss won't want to risk Finnick's life whether or not he's a good fighter. Not after that close call with the lizard mutts. "Peeta either. Or me." Mitchell maybe, Cressida and Pollux probably considering they know the place well, but not me and Peeta. "We'll have to do something else."

"I'll go out and be a distraction," Peeta says. I go to object but he raises his hands up to shush me. "I'm the best chance they've got at getting in. You saw what happened when a boy who looked like me was found, what happens when it's really me?" My stomach clenches, I don't want to think about that. I don't want to think about the Capitol getting their hands on Peeta again, I doubt they'll put him in prisons this time. They'll just kill him. Same for me, probably. That thought hurts less, the thought me going despite other people. I'd go back in a heartbeat if I could keep someone else out, I know what it's like. I can fight the terrors again, they would have to experience them for the first time ever.

"Then I'm going with you," I say firmly. There's no chance I'm leaving Peeta to brave the Capitol streets alone, and there's no way I'm going to be able to go do some fancy mission.

"No you aren't," snaps Gale. I jerk my head and realize him and Katniss are back from washing dishes. "You're staying right here." I clench my teeth and drop my gaze. I don't want to have this argument, not with everyone listening, but there's no way he honestly thinks I'll be staying here. Because I'm not. I won't. I refuse. "So are you, Peeta."

"No, Gale," he shakes his head. "I'm not. If I start to lose control I'll make my way back here, but only then."

"You don't have a gun," Katniss says as she chews on her lip. "What if Snow gets you?"

"I'll take my chances," Peeta lifts his shoulders into a shrug. I find myself gnawing at the inside of my cheek, things really are starting to get worse, more dangerous. It makes my stomach clench. Gale reaches into his pocket and pulls out a nightlock pill, the one that kills you within seconds of taking it, and slides it into Peeta's hand. "Thanks." Gale nods once and then looks toward me, expecting me to add to the conversation. But I won't. I also wonder why I don't get one of these fancy pills, but I don't say anything.

In fact I don't say anything most of the night. Gale and Katniss make plans with Mitchell, Pollux and Cressida, like I had assumed, and Finnick, Peeta and I sit quietly. Peeta rolls the pill around in his hand, staring at it with confused eyes. Eventually I close my hand over his so the pill wraps tightly in his palm, urging him to put it away. Finnick zones out. Sometimes I'll wave my hand in front of his face but he doesn't always respond. Every once in awhile he'll scrunch his nose at me. I think he's listening to the plans Katniss is making. I just watch them.

Eventually when night comes around and plans have been made I lay in Gale's arms, listening to his breathing. He watches me and I watch him. I study his smoky gray eyes, his olive complexion, the arch of his cheekbones and the crease of his brow. "You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"I'm always mad at you," I say back. That causes him to smile but I can still see the sadness, the disappointment in his eyes. "Be safe tomorrow, okay?" Tomorrow, that's what their plans are. They're leaving tomorrow.

"Course," he murmurs before kissing me. I savor the taste of his mouth, the feel of his lips. "You're not going to stay here, are you?" Instead of answering him I grab his shirt, pulling him closer. "I knew you wouldn't. You didn't even have to say anything."

"Gale," I sigh. Of course that had been my plan, to go with Peeta anyway, to be a distraction. "It'll just be easier if you accept it, if you don't try to hold me back." He gnaws on his lip before I press a kiss to his nose. "I don't want you to be mad when I go out on the streets tomorrow."

"Just know that I love you, alright?" I nod as he pulls my face into his hands, pressing his lips light against mine. "I love you." _Say it back, _my voice screams in my head. _Just tell him you love him too_. But I can't. I don't. He doesn't mind that I say nothing, he continues to kiss me as I nod. Why can't I say it back? Why can't I tell him that I love him? "If anything happens to you," his voice drops to a husky level and I feel my chin start to quiver. "I won't be able to… I just can't…"

"Stop," I command him. "Don't talk like that." My voice came out stronger than I thought it would, it brings a smile that's only evident in his eyes.

"Madge," his voice is still pained.

"I said don't," I say again. "We're going to be fine. Both of us. Alright?" He nods, although painfully, and then rests his arm around my waist. "Take care of yourself. Okay? Don't let us lose."

He shakes his head, "Never."

In the morning Tigris dresses all eight of us up as Capitol citizens. Again with the makeup and disguises, but they're less sloppy this time and more believable. No one can see our uniforms anymore, our solider boots. Our wigs are held on with pins and our faces are painted in makeup again. I'll give her that, Tigris is a perfect designer. She should have been allowed to continue in the Games, the style she's given us is so believable I don't feel like myself anymore.

Gale embraces me one last time as Katniss unlocks Peeta's handcuffs. "See you soon," I say quietly. I'm hesitant to let go, his body gives me strength, gives me warmth. "Be careful." I hate that our perhaps last embrace is with us looking like silly Capitol citizens, but I still smell smoke behind his cologne soaked clothing. I force the thought out of my head, it isn't our last embrace. I'll see him again. I'll see him in a bit. I have to keep reminding myself this.

"You too," Gale whispers back, pressing his lips gently against my forehead.

Cressida and Pollux are the first to leave so they can lead a path for Gale and Katniss, who leave second. "You have to go with Peeta," Finnick tells me. "You're the only one that can keep him under control." That leaves Finnick to go with Mitchell after Katniss and Gale, then me and Peeta to follow them. I pretend as if I'm browsing the shop as everyone takes their turns, Peeta keeps himself near me.

"You should just stay," Peeta tells me once we're alone in Tigris's shop. "I won't mind. I can do this alone, Madge."

I grab his wrist, now free of the handcuffs, and then twine my fingers with his. "You're being ridiculous," I say before pulling us into the street. Shockingly, he laughs, grabbing my arm tighter and holding me close as if we were a couple. "If Gale saw you he'd tear your eyes out," I whisper.

Peeta laughs again, "Trust me, I know." Out in the cold air, snowflakes attack us. The sky is gloomy and dark and I'm grateful Tigris put us in the warmest clothes possible. We walk quietly for a bit and I absorb all the Capitol residents who flee. People with every color hair, every color jacket. It's funny to see them rushing around in a panic, I feel like I'm watching some sort of horror flick. "Do you see them?" Peeta cranes his neck. "Finnick? Katniss? Anyone?" I realize I haven't been paying attention and then I shake my head. "Me neither." Peeta had been watching them so we could create a distraction if necessary but he lost sight of them. I should've been watching too.

We walk and we walk and we try and find our way or look for the time to give a distraction. I know what a distraction means, getting captured and saving the rebels some time, but I'm sort of eager to give it. Maybe we'll both rip off our wigs, maybe we'll take down someone who threatens to expose us. I don't even know what we'd do, I just want to help. My thoughts are interrupted when a sudden gunfire rings out. Peeta jumps on top of me, again, and crushes me to the ground. Everyone around us starts falling, screaming, trying to shake others awake. I watch as a boy leans over his father and tries to stop the blood that leaks from his chest. "What's happening?" I choke out. He shakes his head like he doesn't know. "Peeta!"

"They're on the rooftops," he tells me. We lay still for a bit, I think he might be pretending to be dead. I know he's scared to move in case they start firing again. "Am I crushing you?" Yes, he is, but I shake my head no. After a bit a grin breaks on his face. "It's the rebels!" I shove him off of me and jerk my head back, sure enough the rebel forces have broken through. My footsteps freeze as they start taking out the Peacekeepers on the roofs, the soldiers that pace around the streets. "Come on!" He helps me up and we rush forward. A man in uniform, a rebel, brings their guns up at us but Peeta pulls of his wig. "We're with you!" he shouts, "We're with you!" I pull mine off too, blonde hair spilling down my back and nodding furiously to get them to understand.

With the sight of Peeta their eyes widen and he lowers his gun immediately. "You're still alive?"

"Yes!" I shout. "Do you have an extra gun?" The man nods and yells a few orders as the soldiers continue to march past us. Someone from the back tosses a gun towards us. I check it, it's loaded and exactly like the gun I had in training. "And another?"

"Madge," Peeta shakes his head knowing that I'm getting it for him. "I don't trust myself…"

"But _I_ trust you," I say as they hand him the gun. "We can do this." He hesitates before he nods and then we join the ranks in the front line. What happens after that is mostly a blur. Peeta and I march upon the Capitol, taking out peacekeepers, guiding refugees. We mesh in with the other soldiers, we listen to commands and follow them, but we never split up. He stays by my side the entire time. Sometime while we're marching toward the mansion we hear an explosion. We hear children screaming but can't find a way to reach them, to get to them. The leader of the squad we joined shouts orders, sending people to go find them, but Peeta and I aren't in that group.

Instead we take out peacekeeper after peacekeeper, pod after pod. We lead the way to freedom. We storm the president's mansion. Someone else has the privilege of capturing Snow, but Peeta and I charge to the back until we find prisoners. It's easy enough to take out the Peacekeepers who were left. Most of them fled once the mansion was captured by rebels, but a few tried to hold their ranks.

We charge through where everyone is being held. I get a chill sent up my spine because the prisons in the mansion are too similar to the prisons underground. I'm certain they must link somewhere.

"It'll be alright," I tell someone as I unchain them. "You're free now." They nod and I lift my finger, "Go that way. Down the hall. There will be someone who can guide you to a doctor." The person I set free rushes away shouting their thanks at me before I continue on to the next person.

"Gale?" Peeta's the one that finds him, handcuffed to a wall with a black eye. The second I hear Peeta say his name my heart stops in my chest. I continue to unhinge whoever I'm working on but I keep fumbling, my fingers unable to concentrate. "Are you okay?" He pauses and reaches for the chain, I hear the jingle echo through the small corridor.

"Just get me out of this thing, Mellark," Gale grumbles back. Once the person I free is loose I rush over and shoot the chain off of Gale's wrist. Peeta leaves to free other prisoners once he realizes I've got the situation under control.

"You idiot!" I scream at Gale, bashing my hand against his chest. "You got captured by peacekeepers?" My voice comes out angry, terrified, and he jerks his head into a nod before enveloping me in his arms. "And I'm the stupid one!"

"Not like I planned it," he murmurs. His lips go down across my neck and I feel his breath across my skin. And then I'm crying. I sob into his arms as he pulls me closer. "Hey, I'm alright," he tugs on my hair and presses kisses to my forehead. "Madge, I'm alright!"

"If we hadn't found you," I choke out. "If we didn't get here then you… you…"

"Then someone else would have let me free," he says, but I shake my head no. That's not what I was thinking. I was thinking of them taking him to the prisons, torturing him, wiping his memories and locking him in a cell with no hope to ever see the light of day again. "Stop it," he commands, pulling my face into his hands. "We're okay! We're both okay, we won!" I nod and try to repress my ugly sobs as he wipes under my eyes. "We _won_, Madge." My mind keeps racing with what they would've done to Gale. Tortured and killed him for sure, made it publicized so everyone could've watched. More tears leak from my eyes as he pulls me closer. "Stop," he laughs lightly as I sniffle, "we've got to free the other prisoners." I nod as he kisses my nose, my lips, my hands. "Madge," his voice is quiet.

"You're an idiot," I say again, unable to think of any other words to scold him. "Biggest idiot in all of Panem."

"I know," he says softly.

"Stop acting like you weren't scared," my chin quivers and his forehead drops against mine.

"Alright," he nods as his eyebrows draw together painfully before he wraps me in his arms again. "I was terrified out of my living soul. Now can we rescue the other prisoners or would you like me to break down crying?" I force my head into a no as he kisses me again.

Things remain somewhat simple after that. No one forces me to work, I'm allowed to just sit back and relax. I hear news of rebels taking over, and I'm told that Katniss is in the infirmary for getting burned, but that's it. I wish to visit her but they say she's in a lot of pain and isn't taking visitors, so I don't push any further.

The first person I get to see is Haymitch, he pulls me into his arms mumbling things about how we have our own room in the mansion and how he missed me and how he loves me. "And when they showed your picture on the screen I didn't believe it but I still couldn't sleep at night and…"

"Haymitch!" I laugh. "I'm okay!" He nods, his hands cupping my face. "I'm okay."

"I know you are," he says. "But hell I missed you."

His arms stay wrapped around me, "I missed you, too."

Finnick and Annie make no hesitation on finding me, basically adopting me as their daughter. They invite me to dinner and drag me around telling me stories and hardly let me out of their sight. I'm an honorary Odair after awhile. Annie giggles nonstop and calls me a hero, Finnick plants kisses on my cheeks. "I knew you were special for a reason," Annie cheers, her arms cutting off my breathing as she holds me as close as she can.

"I never would've met my son," Finnick tells me. "I didn't even know I was having one."Again he wraps me in his arms. "Thank you." After that I see Bristel and Thom, of course they're hugging me together again. Unlike everyone else they don't say anything, they just hold me. Bristel cries and Thom laughs while patting me on the back and I just sit there and let them hold me. Because it feels nice. It feels nice to be held again. They're here to help with medical efforts but they take a break for me of course.

Lastly I see Rory. I haven't heard where Prim's been staying but I know Rory's a few rooms over from mine. He flew out on a hovercraft to see Gale, to see Prim, but he spends most of his time alone. I'm not sure why, maybe Prim is with him, so I decide to go visit. "Hey," I take the seat next to him, noticing that he's alone. His eyes lit up when he first saw me but he's yet to respond to my presence.

"Hi," he finally says, his voice is weak. I throw my arm around his shoulder and he leans into my grasp. "Good to see you made it out," he sighs, his hands raking across his face as he breathes deeply.

"You too," I tease. A light smile plays at his lips as he turns to look at me. "Why're you spending all your time alone, eh? Why don't you go see Gale or Prim or…"

"Prim?" Rory tears out of my grasp angrily and the smile dissipates from his face. "That's not funny, Madge."

I furrow my brows, "What do you mean? Did you two get in a fight or something?"

Rory rolls his eyes, angry tears starting to blot his vision. "Prim's dead, Madge. She died when the bombs exploded." He takes a sharp breath as I narrow my eyes. He's lying. Rory's lying, Prim can't be… "She wasn't even supposed to be on that _mission_," he chokes out as tears start to fall. "It was a last minute thing, I told her not to go, told her to stay but she _went_…"

"Rory," I pull him into my arms, squeezing him as tight as I can. This is the first I've heard of this news, the first I've been told anything. I knew Katniss was in the hospital with burns, I knew she was in an emotional state, but no one had told me _why_. "Oh, Rory, I didn't know…" I wouldn't have said anything if I knew! I would've kept my mouth shut! I would've…

"I shouldn't have let her go!" he whimpers into my chest. "I should have made her stay!"

"Rory don't," I'm beginning to fight off tears of my own as he cries. Prim's light blonde hair, the way her cheeks turned pink when we teased her. Prim. Primrose. Sweet, innocent, Primrose Everdeen… "Don't say that. Don't."

"Madge," he chokes. "I'm so sorry… I'm _so _sorry…"

"Shhh," I stroke his hair and clench my teeth to keep my chin from quivering. I have nothing to say, I can't find the words to comfort him. A sob bubbles out of me and I pull him closer, letting him weep alongside me. Prim is dead. Prim is _dead_. And there's nothing any of us can do.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I couldn't save everyone... and I'm sorry :c ugh this was so heartbreaking to write but it needed to be done. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and I'm sorry. That's all I can say. _


	66. Chapter 66

**Disclaimer: We're in the wrap up chapters now omg**

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><p>I spend most of my remaining time in the Capitol with Rory. We play checkers, chess, watch awful Capitol films, anything to keep our thoughts busy. I haven't seen Gale since we got him out of the dungeons in the Capitol because he's been busy with some military things, and Katniss is still in pretty bad shape. So Rory it is. Not that I mind, I'd rather him be with me than be alone grieving. In fact, if I spent time alone I'd be grieving too. This way we both have company and we're partially entertained.<p>

We don't talk about Prim. We don't talk about the war. We drink way too much hot cocoa. But by the end of the week I've got him smiling, even if it isn't comparable to his old grins. It's a start.

"You know," Rory tells me one afternoon, "they're going to have another Hunger Games."

I raise an eyebrow, "You're joking." I'm still only 17, even if I was 18 I'd still be in for the Reaping. It causes my heart to sink and my stomach to knot. Considering I just fought in this war I'd still probably be up for consideration. I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on the cocoa mug in front of me.

"Nu-uh," he shakes his head. "That's what Beetee told me yesterday. It's going to be Capitol children. The old winners voted on it."

"Well I still think that's ridiculous," I mutter. A weight is lifted from my shoulder, yet not all of the heaviness is gone. Capitol children or not, this is what we fought for. To stop this. Stop the tyranny of the Capitol and now we're just doing exactly what they did.

He shrugs, "I would've voted yes." His voice drops, "They killed Prim." We stop talking about it after that. I rack my brain trying to think of how it ended up being yes, the majority would have needed to vote in that direction. Of course Katniss must have voted yes because of Prim, which made other people change their vote to yes as well. It still makes me uneasy. I wonder what I would've voted. They did kill my parents after all…

Rory and I go to the execution of President Snow together. He holds my arm the entire time and once we're in the sunlight I notice the bags under his eyes. He hasn't been sleeping and I know he really doesn't want to be here. I don't either, but I'm not going to lose the satisfaction of watching him die. Besides, it's mandatory.

It all happens so fast, Katniss walking out to stage followed by President Snow on the other side. Coin is up on the balcony with seething eyes as always, a smirk of amusement on her face. I'm almost wishing she was the one being shot instead. She threw me and Peeta into battle hoping we died and killed Gale and Katniss in the process, considering they don't like her and their influence can take votes away for her election. All she cares about is herself, she wouldn't have cared if Katniss died in battle. If anyone should die today, it should be Coin.

And just as that very thought registers in my mind, she collapse over the balcony. I hear her crunch as she hits the pavement, see the blood that leaks out of her head. I watch Katniss lower her bow. She shot President Coin instead of President Snow. I cover Rory's eyes as fast as I can but he's already seen the whole thing. The crowd is an uproar and I pull him as fast as I can away from the danger.

How I manage to get me and Rory out of there alive and almost unscathed is still a mystery. The crowd was intense, pushing and shouting and charging, I just needed to get us safe. I watched Peeta stop Katniss from taking the nightlock pill before she was taken into the mansion but after that I lost sight of her. Rory and I end up back in the room he's staying in waiting for someone to tell us what's going on.

Haymitch finds us in there a bit later and tells us that they're putting Katniss on trial for killing Coin but with the claim of insanity. He also tells us President Snow is dead. Then he sends us back to District 13 to pack. Just like that. We don't have time to ask questions, he just tells us to pack. I think he's just as eager to get out of District 13 as we are.

On the hovercraft Rory bounces his feet and stares out the window. "Why are we packing?" he asks.

"I think we're going back to 12," I tell him. "To rebuild, you know."

"It's not like any of us have anything important in 13," Rory mumbles. "If I could I'd never go back there again. To 13, that is. I miss 12."

"Don't say that," I nudge him with my elbow. "They took us all in when our District was under attack. Your mom and Vick and Posy are in 13 waiting for you."

He shrugs, "I would just see them in 12 again." There's a pause as he fiddles with the hem of his shirt. "Are you going to be living with Haymitch?" I nod, Haymitch told me I could move in with him in the Victor's Village. "Oh, that's cool I guess." Again he frowns, "Are you sure you want to go back?"

"What, to 12?" Rory jerks his head into some sort of yes. "No, but I don't really have a choice now do I?" I don't want to see my crumbled house, the house of Jace, the place I grew up in… tarnished. I can't deal with it. I can't.

"I think Mrs. Everdeen is going to a different District," he says. "I went and visited her yesterday. I don't think she's going to 12. You could always choose to go somewhere else. Start fresh, if you wanted."

"Everyone I know is going to 12," I tell him. "Gale, Bristel and Thom, Haymitch…"

"You could go to 4 with Finnick and Annie," Rory smiles. "I'm sure they'd let you live with them."

I laugh, "Yes they probably would, but that would be intrusive of me and I don't think I will." He laughs too. It's been awhile since I've heard Rory laugh.

In District 13 I realize I have absolutely nothing to pack. It gives me a pit in my stomach and I keep thinking about how much I don't want to return to 12, to see the destruction of my District, the ruins of my home. I'll hear the screams from that night again, every time I close my eyes I'll see the bombs that littered the ground.

I make my way over to the Hawthorne residence and find it surprisingly empty. They must've caught the most recent hovercraft out. I wander the small apartment and nearly jump out of my skin when I realize Gale is still here.

"Hell, you scared me," I murmur, leaning against his doorframe. "I thought you left."

"Rory and all of them did," he shrugs. "Surprised they didn't say goodbye to you. I guess they expect to see you there soon." Gale's lying on his bed, he's got his arms behind his head and his eyes closed. "My hovercraft leaves later tonight."

"To 12?" I walk over and sit on the edge of his bed as his eyes flicker open, watching me slowly.

"No," he shakes his head. "I'm not going back." I narrow my eyes at him as Gale pushes himself into a sitting position. "Don't look at me like that, Madge."

"This is the first I've heard of it," I nearly snap at him. "You just weren't going to tell me?" He lifts his shoulders into a shrug and my heart sinks in my chest. "Well where are you going?"

"Doesn't matter, you're going to 12."

"Not if you aren't!" I yell, cringing when my voice cracks. "Gale, what… what's going on?" He pulls his fingers through his hair but won't meet my gaze. "Why aren't you coming to 12?"

"I can't go back there," he shakes his head. My dreams of rebuilding, of restoring everything back home are slowly being crushed. There's no way I'm going to be able to pull myself through the darkness of the District without him, I just won't be able to. "And you can't make me." My chin involuntarily quivers and I hold my hand up to my mouth to stop it. "But you have to go back with Haymitch and live your life and…"

"I'm not going without _you_," I say again, trying to keep my voice from shaking. He lifts his head to look at me but drops his gaze immediately, his eyes won't meet mine.

"Why?" Gale mutters. "It's not like you love me anymore." I narrow my slowly watering eyes and he lets out a dry laugh, the pain in his voice is evident. "I'm not an idiot, Madge. You haven't said it since before. I can't keep trying to convince you that you love me when you clearly _don't _anymore."

"That's not true," I shake my head and lean toward him but he's too quick for me.

"Hell if it isn't," he pushes himself from the bed and starts to pace in front of me. "You deserve so much better than me anyway! I should've known it'd end up like this, with you…" he shakes his head.

"But I do!" I force out quickly. "Gale, I _do_ love you!" He pauses in his pacing and looks toward me while I roll my eyes to stop tears from falling. "I do." He shakes his head and I drop mine into my hands. How am I supposed to convince him that I do? That he's all I want? If he doesn't believe my words then what do I have to do? I'll do it! I'll do anything to get him to believe me. "Why won't you come with me?"

"I can't go back there, Madge," his voice drops into a sad state as he sits next to me again. "With or without you, I can't go back to 12."

"Why not?" Gale continues to shake his head, back and forth. His eyes well up but he doesn't let a tear fall and my heart drops in my chest again, seeing him in pain like this. I just want to comfort him, to hold him and tell him that it'll be okay. "Gale, why can't you come back?"

"I killed Prim!" he shouts, finally lifting his gaze to look at me. "I killed _Prim_." Now I'm the one shaking my head, reaching forward and pulling his face into my hands. "Yes I did," he whimpers. I hold his face but his eyes won't meet mine, he's given up trying to pull away from me. "I killed her… the bombs… they were my creation, I…"

"No," my fingers slide across his cheeks, as I whisper to him, "you didn't. You didn't kill Prim." My voice is surprisingly soft, the only gentle thing I can conjure at the moment.

"Yes I did," he chokes, pulling me into his arms so he can drop his forehead to my shoulder and keep his eyes away from me. "Katniss thinks so, Rory thinks so, he won't look at me, he _knows_ he…"

"Gale," I wrap my arms tightly around him, I feel his unsteady pained breath on my neck. "You didn't, Coin did."

"With my bombs," he says back through a shaky voice. "Prim, she… she was so…"

"Stop this," I command, but my own voice wavers and I listen as he holds back a sob. "Gale _please_ stop this…"

"Just go back to 12," he forces out, changing the subject away from Prim. "Go back and meet someone new and…"

"I'm not going without you," I say again. "I won't." He lifts his head and I drop my arms so I can reach up and wipe the desperate tears that fell from his eyes. "I can't. I refuse." He lowers his forehead against mine. "You're home for me, Gale. I'll go where you go."

"Don't," he chokes.

"Because I love you," I say again. He needs to know it, he needs to understand that we've both been through hell and back and I still want him. I need him. "I was scared to say it in case anything happened but I do, I _do_." He drops his head until his lips brush mine. "You can't make me go back if you aren't coming too," I whisper. Again his lips are on mine, warm and reassuring, they move gently, patiently. "I love you," I repeat.

"Then come with me to 2," he says quietly. "I've got a place there all lined up. Come with me."

"Okay," I nod, my lips tugging up in the smallest smile. "Are you sure you want me to?" He rolls his eyes before nodding, a smile tugging on his lips too. "Then okay," I nod again, "I'll come with you."

* * *

><p>Convincing Haymitch that I'm going to be living with Gale in a studio apartment in District 2 isn't necessarily easy. Add in the fact that it's all on the phone just increases the difficulty. "I don't want you living with him," Haymitch grumbles. "It's not that I don't trust him with you, I do, I just wish you'd come <em>here<em> instead."

"I know," I respond with a sigh. Gale has his arms wrapped around my waist and nuzzles into my neck as I speak on the phone. We sway around the kitchen of the Hawthorne residence in District 13 as I tell my Godfather my plans. "I can't go back, Haymitch."

"Just hang up," Gale whispers with a smile. His voice sends shivers down my spine and as he kisses my collarbone I'm _tempted_ to just let the phone click.

"You can come visit whenever you'd like," I continue with a strangled voice, Gale's making it awfully difficult to concentrate. I don't mind, though, his touch is reassuring. "Make sure everything is up to your satisfaction…" Gale continues pressing kisses down my neck and I bite my lip to stop from responding to his actions. Once I got Gale out of his slump, his thoughts about Prim that I know he still believes, he was unable to keep his hands off of me.

"Fine," Haymitch finally sighs. I give Gale a nod and a grin spreads across his face. "Just remember that you're only 17 and…"

"Oh hush up," I grumble despite the smile I wear. "I turn 18 next week."

"Yeah," Haymitch drawls, "but that's still only 18. He's 20 and…"

"Haymitch," I groan, "I know how old we both are so you can calm down…"

"I'll just miss you is all," he finally says. "Don't be a stranger."

"Of course not," I laugh. "I love you, Haymitch!"

"Yeah, yeah, love you too sweetheart." I hang up and Gale flips me around, leaning over me against the wall as I fumble to put the phone back on the holder.

"So you're really coming with me?" he asks as he dips down, pressing his lips to mine. I nod and wrap my hands around his neck, forcing him to stay down at my level. "I love you," he laughs, the sound of it causing my fingers to tingle. "I love you so much."

The rest of the night is a blur. Gale and I catch a hovercraft to District 2, his hand never lets go of mine. Every chance he gets he's kissing me, whispering things that make my heart race and thoughts go hazy. The war is over, why can't we be happy? We can, and we are, and that's all that matters right now. I don't want him thinking about the horrors that he's been through, and I don't need to think about mine. I just want to enjoy this bit of happiness while I can. When we get to District 2 I'm not sure what to expect. I'm going to have to find a job doing something while Gale works his military job, but I don't mind. It's just me and him, starting fresh in a new place. Together.

Considering District 2 is in a different time zone than District 13 it's only about 6 PM when we get there. Gale introduces me to the guy who gave him the job, someone named Heru, who then proceeds to show us to the apartment. "Only the best for you, Mr. Hawthorne," Heru says. "Although I hope you weren't expecting another room because there's only one…"

"That's no problem," Gale smirks, wrapping his arm around my waist. We ride up the elevator of the apartment building, Gale keeps my body pressed against his as I fight the pink from my cheeks. He's only got one bag of things he could save from 12, a duffle that slings over his shoulder.

"Right," Heru nods, raising his eyebrows at me. "I wasn't expecting you to be bringing… a lady friend with you."

"Lady friend?" Gale lets out a chuckle, "She's my girlfriend." His grip on me tightens as he presses a quick kiss to my temple. Gale doesn't quite care who sees us together but I'm still not a big fan of public displays of affection. I mean sure this isn't entirely _public_, but he is a stranger. I force a smile onto my face and chew on my lip.

"Right," Heru says again, stepping off the elevator and gesturing to a door. "Well here you are," he slips the keys into Gale's hand. "Rent is paid for and,"

"Yeah, yeah, I've already been told about the details of the matter," Gale reaches forward and unlocks the door, the bolts sliding loudly into place. "Thanks Heru, I'll see you tomorrow,"

"Sure thing," Heru smirks, walking back to the elevator and winks once before closing the elevator door.

Gale raises his eyebrows and rests against the door despite already unlocking it. "Are you sure you want to be here with me?"

"Would you just open the door," I grumble lightly, pushing on him until it opens and sliding us into our apartment. Our apartment. Not his, not mine. It's ours. We stumble around in the dark until he finds a light switch and then I pause, absorbing the place in front of me.

Penthouse, very top room of the apartment building. Giant windows open out on District 2 and the whole city twinkles below us, the mountains snowy in the distance. The living room and bedroom are one in the same, a king sized bed with red velvet sheets is against the back wall in the center, bedside tables on each end. The kitchen has a cutout wall, fully stocked with food as well as a brand new oven and fridge. A balcony that overlooks the area, walk-in closets, a Jacuzzi bathtub. I run my hands over counter tops, I jump backwards onto the bed, I kick my shoes off and slide in my socks along the hardwood floor until I bump into Gale.

"Madge," he pulls my hips backwards until I collide with him. He leads me over to the balcony and pushes us into the brisk air of the evening, a grin spread on my face as we lean over the railing. "Do you like it?" I force my head into a nod because I can't find the words. I feel him smile against my neck. "Good," he kisses down my collarbone, "because it's all ours."

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><p><em>AN: I'm thinking... two more chapters... oh my God... I don't know... how I feel.. about... this... favorite part of the chapter? Did the conversation between Madge and Gale seem believable? Thoughts, please. _


	67. Chapter 67

**Disclaimer: I know last chapter was a bit rushed but I wanted to get us to _this_ chapter and to do that I needed the end of that chapter to be a bit fast paced. **

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><p>I wake up with Gale wrapped around me. I'm nuzzled against his chest, his arms are tight around my back. He blinks awake when I stir and a smile spreads across his face. "Good morning," he brushes a strand of hair off my forehead, his fingers catch my skin and send a tingle down my spine. "How'd you sleep?"<p>

"I'm still not used to waking up next to you every morning," I say back, my fingers curling up his chest as his grin widens. "I'm still used to you dipping out in the middle of the night."

"Well I'm not going anywhere," he whispers before leaning down and pressing a kiss to my nose. His breath on my skin gives me goosebumps and he pretends not to notice. "Except work. In two hours."

"Mmm," I laugh as his arms tighten around me again and his lips attack my face. Across my forehead, my nose, down my neck… "Gale!"

"What?" he laughs innocently against my mouth. I roll my eyes as he halts his kisses. "Are you hungry?" I nod timidly before he kisses me again, pushing himself out of the comfort of _our _bed and starting toward the kitchen. I curl into the warmth he left and sigh, listening as he digs through the cabinets. Gale never can keep himself on his side of the bed; he ends up on mine, his body pressed against me as we threaten to fall off the edge every morning. My pillow becomes his pillow, his warmth becomes mine.

We've been here two weeks and there's no place I'd rather be. I found work in a bookstore on Main Street while Gale continues his job training recruits. Haymitch calls every day, _every _day, to make sure I'm adjusting. Honestly, I've never been happier in my life. Haymitch keeps us updated on Katniss and Peeta and everyone in the District. I watch the fan spin on the ceiling as I think about District 12, wondering how I would feel if I was there instead. I wouldn't wake up warm every morning, that's for sure. I wouldn't work a bookshop, either, where I could read to my heart's content about anything I wanted. And I wouldn't have Gale, the constant reassurance that the war is over, the boy who lights me up when I'm feeling blue.

I think about all the people I've left behind in District 12. I mean technically I haven't left them behind, but I'm so used to seeing them every day it feels like I have. Peeta doesn't call much, he's too preoccupied with trying to get his life sorted out. Bristel and Thom think the telephone is still bugged from the Capitol and refuse to use them. I miss everyone a lot, but not enough to pack up and move back.

"Hey Gale?" I call from bed and wrap the blankets tightly around me. It's a lot colder here in the mountains of District 2 than it is in District 12, but I embrace the chill. It's a hearty reminder that I'm still alive, and I love wearing Gale's District 2 issued sweatshirts to keep warm. "Have you talked to Rory recently?"

"Yeah," Gale calls back. "Why?"

I chew my lip, "How is he?"

"He's alright," he tells me. I push myself out of bed and wrap the blanket around my shoulders, trailing into the kitchen. I finally convinced Gale to call Rory, the two spend a lot of time on the phone. I think Gale understands that Rory doesn't blame him. In fact, Rory blames himself more than anyone when it isn't either of their faults. I'm glad they're talking again. I love stumbling upon Gale smiling as he talks on the phone, it sends a burst of pride into my stomach. "Why?"

"What about Katniss?"

"I don't know," he tosses a box of sugary cereal at me. He knows food will get me to hush up, I'm just curious. "I haven't talked to her." I frown and he rolls his eyes, "Don't give me that look."

"You've got to talk to her Gale," I lift myself to sit on the counter and place the box of cereal next to me. I haven't talked to Katniss since I last saw her either but that's because I know she doesn't need to talk to me. She's strong without me, she always has been. Gale, however, she used to depend on him for everything. I know that Katniss doesn't blame Gale for Prim's death even if he _does_. "She needs you right now."

"She's got Mellark."

"Gale,"

"Why does it matter, hm?" he strides over and raises his eyebrows. It matters because I miss her, because I miss everyone over in 12. It's strange to think that everyone's life is just going on just as ours are. "I'll talk to her, alright?"

"I think we should visit," I finally say. Once he reaches me I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me. Gale doesn't hesitate to lean into my grasp, I know if I ask enough then he'll eventually cave. He always does. He might let me get a cat because I've been asking for one since we got here. "Please?"

"You visit," he murmurs, dipping down to kiss me quickly. "I've got work." I roll my eyes and pull him closer. Just a few more kisses and it'll be a homerun, he'll come with me. "Besides, we've got that convention dinner thing tonight. Didn't you want to go to that?" I tip my head into a yes as he pulls away to get out two bowls and two spoons for the cereal. "Exactly. We just don't have _time_ to visit now."

"I didn't mean right now," I say back. "If you won't visit with me then call her," I cross my arms and yank the blanket closer. "We're going for Christmas, alright?"

"Sure, Madge," he groans, pulling the milk out of the fridge. Despite acting like adults with work and living alone we still find time to feel our age. Sugary cereal being one way. Another way is the cuddling and the dates and the kisses… He pours us our breakfast and we eat at the table, his cold feet from the hardwood floor finding mine only to have me shove them away and yell at him about putting socks on. He knows whenever I'm cold I find my way to him so Gale puts in _way_ too much effort trying to freeze me so we can cuddle. At night when he crawls into bed after me I have to shove him away due to being so icy, but he's stronger than I am and always manages to find a way to get me closer.

After that he leaves for work and I clean up, taking a moment to watch as the world wakes up from the giant window that looks out on the District. District 2 flickering on in the morning is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen, how few people on the streets end up congregating into crowds as they rush to work and the children rush to school. Gale constantly worries that I'm missing out on being a _teenager_, which is stupid if you ask me. He wants me to finish high school but I don't see the point in it. I chose to be here, and growing up is something I seriously needed to do. I'm happy with him, acting like a family in a sort of way. It makes me happy.

I spend the rest of the morning just straightening up. I wash the dishes and make the bed and clean the windows. Finnick calls and tells me that he and Annie are flying out for the convention tonight in District 2. It's for war heroes of the sorts. The treaties were signed and everything was finally _officially_ worked out, it's plenty reason to be celebrating. Gale got a special invitation. I'm sure Katniss did too but I doubt she wants to come or if Haymitch even gave her the letter. Finnick is coming though; it'll be nice to see him.

"So how are you and the brick wall?" Finnick teases, his voice static-y over the phone. Finnick and Annie take turns calling every few days, it's always a pleasure to hear their voices. They keep me updated on the baby and how things are going out in District 4. I can barely get through one phone call without them begging me to visit. I'm tempted to give in to their pleas. Get a breath of warm air for once.

"He's not a brick wall," I say back with a smile.

"I'm just playing," he laughs. "What I meant is, is he _treating_ you alright?"

"Only the best," I reply. One of the best parts of District 2 is the entertainment sector. Gale revels in the fact that he can finally take me on a 'real' date. I much prefer when we just watch the stars, however. The dates are fun, I must admit. Walking hand in hand through the District and entering the candy shops and movie theaters just for the hell of it. We're getting to do everything we couldn't back in District 12, it makes me feel like the teenager I am. Gale does everything he possibly can to make sure that I'm happy and sometimes I worry that it stresses him out too much. He needs to understand that just _being_ here has me happy.

"Good, good," I can almost picture Finnick nodding. "Have you had any more… you know," he pauses, "have you attacked anyone?"

I laugh before I can stop myself, "No, I haven't attacked anyone." When I first got to 2 it was a bit difficult to get a job because everyone thought I was going to go crazy, but I haven't since then. "I have remembered a lot more, though."

"That so?"

"Mhm," I lean backwards against the counter and twirl the phone cord. "It gets progressively easier as the days go on." Constantly being around Gale is what helps. I'll watch him do something simple like put the dishes away and it'll trigger a memory. There are only a few things missing, I can feel the empty voids but don't know where to start. I remember our first kiss, our first date, our first fight, our first _time_, everything slowly comes back to me day by day.

"Well that's good," I can hear the inclination to his voice, the key that he's smiling. "I'm happy you're doing alright, Madge."

"You too, Finnick," I laugh. With the war out of the way and everyone carrying on with their lives, things have been getting back to normal. I love it. I love it more than pressing my cold toes to Gale's calves and listening to him curse under his breath. I love it more than seeing shooting stars. "How far along is Annie?" I ask even though I already know, I love listening to Finnick talk about it. Annie's always the same, raving about the ultrasound and the progression, but Finnick… the happiness in the sound of his voice is like a baby bird learning to fly.

"Two months to go," he tells me. "I still can't believe I'm going to be a dad… I never thought I'd be able to, and now…" he lets out a slow laugh. "I've never been happier."

"Just wait for the kid to be born," I laugh too. "_Then_, you'll never be happier." Until the baby cries and wants attention and needs the diaper changed. Gale and I have talked about kids. Not seriously, considering we aren't engaged or anything like that. Just lightly. It reminded me of the time after Peeta's interview when his hand traced circles on my stomach. The memory makes my head swim.

Finnick tells me he'll see me tonight and hangs up. The rest of the day carries on with me reading a book I took from the shop, something called _The Catcher in the Rye_. I switch from that to playing the piano. Gale ordered one for me for my birthday last week. Sounds of spring and holiday cheer ring through our apartment and eases my mind, causes the knots in my shoulders to slip away. Today's my day off and I'm more than pleased to spend it alone. My co-workers, though lovely people, can drive me up the wall sometimes. Just the other day one of them kept poking my shoulder trying to get me to spill on how I 'captured' the 'handsome Hawthorne boy', and then when I told them they didn't believe me.

Gale gets home in the late afternoon with a scrape across his cheek, telling me one of the recruits wasn't very keen on taking orders. "And then he clawed me," he mutters as I dab an antiseptic on it. It feels like Gale comes home with a new injury every day but I keep my mouth shut. He enjoys his job and if he's happy then I'm happy.

"Surprised you let him get the jump on you," I tease and he smirks, lifting his hand to rest over mine on his cheek. Eventually he drops it but the feel of his touch still lingers.

"I was taken off guard, thank you very much." He winces as I seal the wound. "Now I've got to go to this stupid dinner thing with a red mark."

"Yes," I nod, knowing that was his subtle way of trying to talk me out of it, "you do. Finnick and Annie will be there and whether you admit it or not you miss them."

"Sure," he grabs my chin and tips me down until his lips graze mine. "Then I've got to shower. Will you pick something out for me?" I raise an eyebrow, "Aw, come on Madge! You know I'm no good at dressing fancy!" One of the first mornings here he had an important meeting and tried to dress himself. I'll leave it at the fact that blue and orange do _not_ go very well together, especially when trying to impress your boss.

"Go shower," I laugh, pushing him towards the bathroom.

"Love you," he calls over his shoulder before pulling the door shut. I roll my eyes and make my way to the closet, fingering through the different outfits until I find a crisp white shirt and some black slacks. I then go through my own dresses, picking out what to wear so I can match one of Gale's ties to it. Eventually I find something simple, a deep maroon dress that cuts off at the knees and dips down my chest. Thankfully he has a matching tie, everything works out well. He gets dressed as I shower and then I get dressed once I'm out.

"Madge," he groans and fiddles with the tie around his neck. "Oh," he smiles when he sees me, "you look great." His eyes travel down my body and back up until I meet his gaze. Even after all this time he causes my cheeks to turn pink, still makes me feel nervous in his presence. Every touch is like the first, sparking an overwhelming curiosity, the desire to be with him in more than one way.

"Thanks," I don't let the butterflies in my stomach show, strolling over with a grin and grabbing the tie before undoing his awkward knotting. His hands slip around my waist and slide across the silk fabric. "You suck at tying ties," I say gently, my fingers working through the tight knots he's created.

"Which is why I have you," he murmurs, cupping my face in his hands and kissing me lightly. My fingers fumble over the fabric and I take a deep breath trying to get it undone. "I love you, I really do."

"Because I can tie ties?" I tease, grabbing his neck and pulling him closer as the tie slips to rest over his shoulder. "I love you too." The tie is temporarily forgotten as I lose myself in him, his lips parting slightly as he explores my mouth. I try to keep myself grounded as my knees threaten to give out, his lips floating across my skin, down my collarbone and threatening to move to my chest. "Gale," I pant, trying to tear myself away. "We'll be late,"

"I don't care much," he tries pulling me closer again but I lean backwards before he can sneak another kiss. "Fine," he frowns, "tie the tie." I lift my eyebrows playfully, an indication that I won, and he rolls his eyes. Just as I sling the tie around his neck a sudden headache hits me and I flinch. "You alright?" panic seeps from his voice as I blink trying to straighten out my vision.

"Yeah," I wave him off. "Headache, that's all." I squint as I start to tie the rest of the tie, looping it around so I can pull it against his neck. But as another spike of pain digs into my temple I don't stop pulling.

"Madge," Gale reaches for the tie as I pull tighter, my eyes narrowing as he starts to cough. "Let go,"

"No," I grit out, gripping the fabric of the tie in my hands and pulling it in different directions in attempt to cut off his air supply. Everything happens so suddenly I don't have time to process it, I just need him gone. I need him out of the way once and for all before he strikes, before he kills me.

"Madge," he chokes out, giving up trying to pull away and instead leans down, crashing his lips against mine. My fingers slack for a moment out of confusion and he's able to force a hand up between the tie and his throat. "Drop your hands," he begs weakly through a strangled voice. "_Please_," again he kisses me, his lips moving gently against mine. I don't understand. "Please." Why is he kissing me? He wants me dead, he wants to _kill_ me. "I love you."

My hands drop fully and I stumble backwards against the wall, leaning my head and taking a deep breath. Gale loosens his tie and makes his way to me again but I hold up a hand, causing him to slow his speed. "What happened?" I force out, rubbing my temples as the pain lessens. My vision is hazy and I try to pull myself out of the sudden blackout, the past few minutes remain a mystery to me.

"Nothing," he cups my face as my eyes flicker open. "Are you alright?"

My eyes widen in a panic as I register the look on his face, the look of pure terror, "What did I do?"

"_Nothing_," he says again, but I see the red mark around his neck. I drop my hands and slam them against the wall, cringing at what I've done. Again, I did something again. The crumpled tie around his neck is what gets me to piece it all together, the fact that I attempted something drastic. The thought makes me sick, and I know he sees that I've figured it out. "Did I do something to trigger it?"

"No," I shake my head and blink, dropping my head against the wall again. "No, I just got a headache and…" my eyes fill with tears as he lowers his forehead to mine. "I was doing so well! I'm sorry, I'm _so _sorry, Gale,"

"Hey," he whispers, his fingers sliding up my cheeks. The gesture should be reassuring but I rip out of his grip, dropping my head and my gaze at the same time. "Stop, it's okay." He swallows and tries not to wince but I catch it anyway. "Don't," he wipes under my eyes. "Don't cry, Madge it's okay."

"I'm sorry," I say again, collapsing against his chest. One of his hands goes to my waist and the other tangles in my hair. He murmurs for me to be quiet, presses kisses to the top of my head. "What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing," he says forcefully. "Nothing's wrong with you." His words sound so sure and I can't understand why, I just tried… I almost just… I pull away from his chest and he tips my chin up. "We're going to be late," he says quietly. "Do you still want to go?"

"Of course I want to go," I push him away and cross my arms, angrily swatting at the tears that still leak from my eyes. After everything we've been through, how we've won the war I thought I had been getting better. I thought things were looking _up_ not backtracking. "But I'm not tying your tie."

"Yes you are," he steps closer again and holds it out to me. "I don't know how." I go to protest but he forces the maroon fabric into my hand. "You have to learn how," he says quietly, "how to fight it. Tie the tie. You can't be scared of simple things because of what they did to you."

Hesitantly I pull it around his neck. As I go to loop it with shaky hands and squinting eyes he presses his lips against mine. "Did I hurt you?" I ask. He shakes his head no but I know that he's lying. My hand trails across the red mark I left. "I thought I was better."

"You are better," he whispers. "Did you see how quickly you snapped out of it? Faster than ever before." I nibble my lip as I perfect the tie. My hands still shake and my insides still feel like a puddle of melted ice. By saying this Gale knew that I wasn't better, he knew I was still able to attack at any given time. Yet he still invited me to live with him, still loves me. I hurt him and he still holds me close. "I'm fine, Madge." He sounds so determined, so brave, but all his words come out through a scratchy voice, the constant reminder that he _isn't_ fine.

"I'm crazy," I respond dully, straightening his tie across his chest and sucking in a sharp breath.

"No you're not," he laughs lightly as he kisses my forehead. "You're strong and determined and beautiful and the girl that I _love_." I roll my eyes to stop another onset of tears as he presses himself closer. "Madge, you're not crazy."

"I just tried to strangle you, Gale."

"And you failed miserably because I'm still breathing," he smirks, pressing his lips to mine. I know he's nervous, I can see it in his eyes, but he keeps on a brave face for me. Gale's hands lift up and cup my cheeks. "I'll just have a sore throat, that's all." How he doesn't flinch at that fact I just tried to _murder him_ is beyond me, he just repeatedly kisses me, allowing me to breathe him in and absorb his warmth.

"Doesn't it scare you?" I whisper against him. "What I'm capable of?"

"No," he responds with the faintest smile. "I know you'll never hurt me. You're strong enough to stop yourself." I still frown at his remark, the fact that I _did_ hurt him, but I suppose I know what he means. "Now come on, if Finnick's there before we are he'll never let us live it down."

* * *

><p>The awards at the beginning of the ceremony take forever. Finnick and Annie sit at our table, we beat them to the ceremony by five minutes tops. Both Gale and Finnick receive some hero award type of thing and I can't wipe the smile from my face. Most of it is boring but it's great to see Finnick and Annie again. It's only been a few weeks since we last saw them but it feels like much longer. Annie's much further along, her belly sticks out and she holds my hand to it, telling me the baby kicks despite me never feeling anything. I've never seen her happier, she doesn't look like the same 'mad' girl I knew back in District 13.<p>

Once the awards are over and the tables and chairs are pushed out of the way, a band starts to play. "For the Republic of Panem!" someone shouts, and then rest of the people in the room echo their call. Finnick whisks me onto the dance floor before Gale can and I watch out of the corner of my eye as Gale sits down next to Annie, talking animatedly about something. Annie's cheeks are flushed as she nods excitedly, I can only assume they're talking about the baby again. I wonder how Gale feels about it, talking about children. Like I said we haven't really gotten into detail with that topic, we're still young.

"She doesn't like dancing while she's pregnant," Finnick says as he spins me, realizing I've been staring where the two sit. "She mostly just came to see you two."

"How sweet," I say back, steadying myself on his shoulders. Finnick keeps a respectable distance from me and often looks over at Gale who watches us dance with an amused expression. I know Gale thinks the friendship Finnick and I share is silly but he doesn't say anything. The two became good friends during their time in Squad 451 and they both trust each other greatly, he knows Finnick wouldn't try anything. I smirk as I watch Gale turn down a dance offer with another girl, pointing out on the floor toward me. "Hey, remember how I said I hadn't attacked anyone?" Finnick nods and I frown.

"You didn't…"

"Gale, a few minutes before we came here." Finnick pulls me into a quick hug as we continue to sway to the beat. "I thought I was doing so well, I thought I had gotten better."

"I hate to say this," Finnick pulls away and steady me, "but I'm not sure you ever will." My face contorts into an angry scowl but he holds up a finger. "Before you go scolding me just hear me out. What Snow did to you was awful, I know, but things like that just don't go away."

"So I'll be crazy for the rest of my life," I frown. The nightmares have mostly stopped ever since I moved here to 2 but sometimes I'll get an overwhelming feeling of dread as images restore themselves from the prisons. Just as I remember about Gale and my life in District 12 I remember the horrendous things they did to me back in the underground prisons.

"No, I don't think so. There are long term effects, sure, but it's not going to be an everyday thing. Maybe once a month, then once a year, finally every two or three years. You're going to be fine, Madge." The confidence in his voice makes me want to believe him but I can't, I just can't.

"I still hurt Gale," I shake my head. "I hurt him and he acts like it isn't a big deal. I know he's scared."

"Not of you," Finnick tells me. "But _for_ you. And it doesn't matter either way because Gale's in love with you and would do anything to be with you." Still, I frown. "You're ridiculous, you know. That boy's crazy about you."

"He could always be crazy about someone else," I mutter.

"No he couldn't," Finnick shakes his head, "it's you or no one with him."

"With who?" Gale's voice causes us both to turn. Gale and Finnick exchange smirks as they switch places. "Thanks for keeping your eye on her. Nearly everyone in the room wants to dance with her but they're all too afraid to approach _the_ Finnick Odair. Everyone knows better than to come near me."

"Stop it," I laugh, pushing his chest. I highly doubt anyone wants to dance with me, but Gale makes an effort to glare at a few men that linger on the edge of the dance floor so it could be possible. Gale wraps his arms tightly around my waist and winks at Finnick who makes his way back to Annie. My arms twist around his neck as I lean against his chest, breathing in the reassuring scent of smoke that gets me through the nights. "I love you," I whisper as we sway to the beat.

"I know," he responds gently. "And I love you,"

"No," I shake my head. "Like, I _really_ love you," I pull away and tilt my head up, catching the blossoming smile on his face. If I started a list of everything I admired about Gale, everything that caused my heart to beat to an irregular pattern, I don't think I'd reach the end. His determination, his bravery and confidence. The way his hair looks when he wakes up, the fact that he always remembers to put the cap back on the toothpaste. "You have no idea how much you mean to me, Gale." He dips down until our lips press but I pull away. "I'm serious," my hand reaches up to trail across his cheek and his grin widens. I love the feeling of his heart beating in his chest as we sleep, how he holds me close after he has a nightmare and begs for forgiveness of letting the Capitol take me despite me never blaming him for it. Gale Hawthorne is all I could have asked for and so much more.

Again he dives down, his hand tightening across my waist as I force myself on my toes to keep him against me. Someone from the crowd whistles and Gale gives them a not-so-friendly gesture. We both laugh to find out it was Finnick who crosses his arms amusedly at the two of us. "Do you really want to stay?" he whispers against me and I turn my head into a no. "Alright I'll go get our stuff, you say goodbye to Finnick and Annie." I feel my cheeks heating up as I rush to the sea soaked couple and bid our farewells.

"You really must call more, Madge," Annie holds me tightly in a hug. "Or visit!"

"Can do," I nod, trying to speed the process along. It takes two minutes to walk to our apartment building, three for the elevator to reach the top floor give or take a few minutes depending on what level it starts on…

Finnick raises an eyebrow as he studies the face I make as I calculate the time it will take for me and Gale to be alone again. "See you two lovebirds later…" he says slowly.

"Bye guys," I chew my lip as I rush back to Gale, shouting my love for the two over my shoulder as I meet him at the door. His hand laces with mine as he waves over his shoulder at the Odair's, pulling me quickly into the brisk night and rushing toward our apartment.

I hear my heart pounding in my ears as we reach the elevator, Gale doesn't hesitate to press me against the wall once we're alone. I can't decide if I want to push him away with the fear of someone else trying to use the elevator and finding us like this or if I want him closer. His lips tease their way down my neck and I decide closer, I need him so much closer. My arms link around his neck and his hand slips to my rear before hoisting me up. My ankles latch around him as his kisses continue, painfully slow as I try to repress moans of pleasure.

"Madge," he whispers against my skin and I shiver as my insides stir. "You're perfect." If perfect has a name I'm a hundred percent sure that it isn't _mine_. We reach our floor and he drops me, letting me land on my toes as I pull him backwards by his tie. Gale fumbles with the key in the lock and I can't help but laugh at how he shoves the door open, scooping me into his arms and carrying me into the apartment. The door slams shut and he drops me again. My hand reaches for his tie and pulls him down, forcing his lips against mine.

"I love you," I force out every time we pause to catch our breath. "I love you Gale Hawthorne." My hands shake as I undo his tie; Gale rests his forehead against mine as I try to figure out how to unknot it. Despite tying ties I'm terrible at getting them off, he pauses and lets out a muffled laugh, unknotting it just to the point where I have to pull it off of him. The tie slips out from around his neck and I send it cascading to the floor. My fingers stumble across the buttons of his shirt and he repeatedly presses kisses to me as I work my way around the maddening pieces of plastic that stop me from reaching his chest.

Gale and I haven't been together like this since _before_ and I don't want to mess it up. Sensing my sudden onset of nerves he lets out a chuckle, grabbing my hands and guiding them to the remaining buttons. Once I've got them all undone he holds his arms out so I can pull the shirt from his body. He doesn't hesitate to yank the undershirt off, adding to the pile of clothes we've created on the floor. "Your turn," he teases, causing my cheeks to run deep red. Gale smoothes kisses down my neck as his fingers scan over my back. "Where's the damn zipper," he murmurs, causing a laugh to burst out of me. Now it's my turn to guide _his _hands, he lifts his head and meets my gaze once before launching his lips against mine. His eyes are filled with excitement, serenity, something I claim to be _love_.

The maroon dress slips to the floor as he gets the zipper undone, I shiver as his fevered hands slip around my waist and he lifts me into his arms. "Gale!" I laugh as he throws me over his shoulder, only to lightly deposit me on the bed. His fingers slide under the straps of my bra and I give him a nod of reassurance as he eases them down my shoulders. My fingers trail down his chest and over his shoulders and up his neck. "What if I'm not… what if I…"

"Madge," he laughs pressing kisses down my clavicle and eventually over my ribcage. "I love you, alright?" All I can do is nod as my voice has given out. The warm sensation between my legs rises up to my chest as I pant his name, eager to get him out of his slacks. He leans over me as I undo his belt, smirking as I toss it to the side. "I love you," he repeats, causing the doubt to seep from my mind. "You're all I want," he tells me. And he's all I need. Together we slip into the night, the first true sense of freedom washing over us since we've arrived in District 2.

* * *

><p><em>AN: For starters, this is by far the longest chapter I've written for this story and there are no regrets whatsoever. The purpose of this chapter was to show how they settled into their life in District 2, as well as demonstrate how they keep in touch with others. Not only that but to show how Madge is regaining her memory and will always have that little bit of Capitol in her, the small part that could come up whenever much like Peeta had after the war. One more chapter, guys. One more and we're done! If you feel as though my ending in the last chapter and this chapter is too rushed well I'm sorry but the end of Mockingjay was _much_ more rushed. Besides, you get one more chapter which I think you'll enjoy very much. I love you all, I hope you liked the chapter. _


	68. Chapter 68

**Disclaimer: We've reached the end.**

* * *

><p><span>Christmas Time<span>

I sit in Gale's arms as he presses kisses down my neck. Haymitch scoffs in annoyance but I see the smirk he wears. We all sit in the Hawthorne residence as we pass Christmas presents around. Gale was hesitant to return but after a phone call from Vick nearly begging him to stop by, he didn't have the heart to say no. I wouldn't have let him, anyway. Posy rips open a brand new doll and lets out a victory screech before shouting her thanks to me and Gale. "Madge picked it out," he tells her. "You should thank her."

"Madge you're the best in the entire world!" Posy cheers, rushing over into my arms and squeezing the life out of me. "You're the best sister ever!" Gale's eyebrows lift as Posy runs back to the tree to open her next present.

"Sister, eh?" Rory smirks. "I didn't know you two got _married_."

"We didn't," I sputter quickly, watching relief flood Hazelle's face. It's not that she doesn't want us to get married, I have no idea if she does or doesn't, but we've got our whole lives ahead of us and there's no rush. "Not for awhile," I add, shooting a look toward Haymitch who keeps his eyes narrowed in our direction. Gale continues to kiss me with a grin plastered on his face, he doesn't even care that his family is watching. We've talked about marriage and decided to wait, we're still young. I'm only 18, he's only 20. We've got all the time in the world at our disposal.

"Well good thing you two are waiting," Bristel forces out through a voice she isn't sure if she wants to use or not. "Because we _aren't_." She lifts up her hand slowly as the entire room turns to her and Thom. A ring sparkles on her wedding finger, thin and silver with a bright red jewel. My jaw drops open but no words come out, she's getting _married_! I'll have to help plan the wedding, maybe I'll get to be a bridesmaid or the maid of honor! I haven't been to a wedding ever since I was very little and there was a very high up in the District that my father made me attend. Hazelle shouts in joy as Thom's face runs red. I'm already deciding on what type of flowers they should use. "He asked me last week," Bristel tells us as we study the small ring she wears on her finger. "And I love him, so…"

"Bristel," Thom turns red again as she speaks, dropping his head into his hands. "Can't you have girl talk later?"

"No," Gale calls over, "girl talk now." I know Gale's irritated that he had no knowledge of this whatsoever, so he's taking it out on Thom while he can. "Go on, how'd he ask you?" Bristel flushes, shocked that Gale's actually going to let her talk about this. She gushes out a story about how Thom took her back to the place where they shared their first kiss, dropping down on one knee and everything. My heart leaps as I watch one of my closest friend babble on about this, Thom's face stays the same shade the entire time. "You want a ring like that?" Gale whispers to me as I listen to her story.

"No," I reply with a smile. He brushes a strand of hair out of my face and kisses my temple. "I want an original."

He laughs, "You know what I meant." I lift my shoulders into a shrug as he digs in his back pocket, pulling out a small wrapped box. "Here."

"Gale Hawthorne I swear…"

"Just open it," he smiles. Everyone else in the room is too preoccupied with Bristel and Thom to be paying any attention to us. Thom is starting to open up, talk about all the wonderful things he loves about her. I finger a piece of wrapping paper that hasn't been taped down. "Go on," he tickles my side so I squirm. "Open it." I chew my lip and tear the paper until I get to the small velvet box. I give him another look and he rolls his eyes, threatening to tickle me again. I pop open the box and nearly drop it.

"No," I shake my head, turning around to force it into his hands. "Gale, I…"

"Here," he takes it and pries the golden necklace out, the golden Mockingjay necklace my father gave me what feels like hundreds of years ago. The last time I saw this necklace I clawed Gale, the last time I saw this necklace I discovered they did more than wipe my memories. I continue to shake my head but he pays no mind, unlatching it before pulling my hair out of the way and re-latching it behind my neck. "You're not going to hurt anyone," he whispers. "I know you want it."

"I do," I admit as I peel my eyes open, "but I don't." Not if I'm going to hurt someone because of it.

"I promise I won't let you hurt anyone," he says again as if he's reading my mind, tipping my chin so he can kiss me. "I want you to have it. So you know I'm always with you and so are they, alright?" My parents, Kasen, they're all still with me. I nod weakly as his eyes dance over the solid charm.

"You've had it all this time?"

"You told me to hold on to it," he reminds me, pressing a quick kiss to my nose. The weight of the necklace against my chest reminds me of old times, of cuddling in bed and a loom of war overhead. Now it's a symbol of rebirth, of freedom, along with the cuddling. "Do you really not want it?"

"No," I pull his face into my hands, "I do want it." A nervous smile spreads on his face before he kisses me again. "But you better have gotten me something else too." Just as Gale opens his mouth to let out a laugh the door opens and two snowy figures walk in, shaking themselves until all the white is off. Everyone turns as Katniss pulls off her scarf, we all watch as Peeta takes her jacket for her and hangs it by the door.

"Are we late?" she asks quietly. Her eyes find Gales and the corners of her lips tug upwards. I feel Gale tense behind me and I scoot myself off of his lap, allowing him to walk forward if he so wishes. Gale eventually stands and slowly moves across the room, his eyebrows knitted as he looks down on his broken friend, her hair falling messily down her shoulders and light bags under her eyes. "Hey, Gale." Unable to say anything he reaches down, enveloping in her arms. "I missed you," she chokes out.

"I missed you too, Catnip," he replies weakly. A smile spreads on my face as I watch the interaction, he mumbles something quietly in her ear and she lets out a tearful laugh, shaking her head no and pulling him closer. I lift my eyes to Peeta who raises his eyebrows, striding across the room and taking the open seat next to me. Everyone goes back to talking; Haymitch keeps his eye on his beloved tribute with a faint smile.

I twist myself on the couch and squeeze Peeta as tight as I can. "You never call!" I scold him, reaching up and brushing a bit of snow out of his sandy blonde hair. "Makes me think you hate me."

"Just not a big fan of the telephone," Peeta grins and swats my hands away from his hair. "You know I love you." I grip his hand with a smile, my way of telling him that I love him too. Katniss and Gale finally pull away and they take the seats next to us. Peeta drops my hand and instead links it with Katniss, I grab Gale's arm tightly as he bends down to kiss my neck. Katniss makes eye contact with me and tips her head once, that sign of trust and respect has returned. I do the gesture back and we both laugh, eventually pulling our gazes away from each other.

"This one's for you, Haymitch!" Posy hands him some sort of box everyone can only assume to be some sort of alcohol.

Haymitch stutters, unsure of how to continue. I wonder the last time he got a Christmas present. Eventually he forces out, "Thank you, but I didn't need anything." Under his breath I swear I hear him whisper something about _already the best Christmas_. Still, he pulls down the paper and lets out a hardy laugh. "Apple cider. Funny." The rest of us echo his laughter, watching as he thanks Posy for his present.

* * *

><p><span>One Year Later<span>

I skim through the pages of _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows _for the hundredth time, continuing to wallow on the fact that all of my favorite characters end up dead. One of my co-workers snatches the book from me and holds it up to the light, her eyes widening as she skims the words. "You're still reading this?"

"Rereading it," I frown, snatching the book out of her hands. Before she can make a comment about how I do nothing but _read_ I snap the book shut and shove it under the counter. I don't need her sass today, I have a headache and nothing seems to be going right. "Don't you have work to do, Cece?"

"Only to pester you," she grins, leaning backwards against the counter. Cece works the children's section of the bookstore while I'm mostly stock and behind the scenes type of things. I tell her that her job suits her considering she never learned to read, she tells me I'm only good at my job because I'm good at following _orders _and can't think for myself. My job is finding the books when they call for them over the loudspeakers, guiding customers to the appropriate section. When there isn't anything to be done I get to read, and let me just say I've been through nearly half of this bookstore. I can't even begin to list the amount of times I've reread certain series. "Actually, I'm here to deliver a message."

"A message?" I raise an eyebrow and lean forward on my elbows. "Don't tell me you've got yourself _another_ cheap date?" Out of everyone in the shop, Cece is the one I can tolerate the most. In fact I'd call us friends. Our banter is only to get us through the painstakingly long days. Sure she drives me up the wall and I could think of thousands of different ways to grind her gears on the spot, but that's what friends do.

"Funny," she smirks, crossing her arms and threatening to walk away, "but it's a real message this time. It's about your husband."

I roll my eyes, "Gale's not my husband, Cece." Sometimes I get this overwhelming dread that he's never going to want to marry me. It's not like things with me and Gale are bad, they're quite the opposite. But as every day passes and no question is popped I wonder if he'll ever ask me to be with him forever. He knows I'd accept in a heartbeat. He _knows_ that. Yet no question. I suppose we're both still young and don't need to rush into anything but I wouldn't exactly call it _rushing_ anymore. In fact everyone, including Cece, assumes we're married. We act like we are, why not make it official?

"Boyfriend, whatever, he's in the hospital. Boss told me to…" she trails off as I lift my head and start toward the door before she can even finish her sentence. That's all I need to hear, that he's in the hospital, and I'm on my way. He shouldn't even be at work right now so I don't think it's from that, it only makes the pit in my stomach grow as I consider what could've happened. The streets of District 2 aren't exactly the safest and considering we walk everywhere instead of driving it only increases the chances of something awful. "Madge," she chases after me and places her hand on my shoulder.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" I snap at her despite the situation not being her fault. Her hand yanks away from me instantly as if I've burned her, I don't have the energy to apologize to her, maybe tomorrow if I'm able to come in. Why's he in the hospital? Maybe he broke something, maybe it's nothing important. My heart races in my chest as I push past the crowds of people in line to buy books. "I'm going and I'm going now," I call back to her.

"Madge," she repeats, a hint of desperation to her voice despite the fact that she's not trailing me anymore. "Boss didn't say you could…"

"I don't care!" I hiss at her. "I don't care what he said, I'm going!" She holds up her hands and offers me a look of sympathy before starting toward my station. She chews on her lip much like I do and I can tell by the look in her eyes that she's going to cover for me. I rush through the cold November streets of District 2 and push anyone in my path out of the way. Every possible thought is going through my head right now. Dying, slowly dying. They found cancer. They can't heal him. Gale is out of my grasp.

The panic in my thoughts causes my feet to pick up their pace and I eventually make my way to the hospital. I don't care how long anyone's been waiting here, whether they're in labor or have a broken limb, I elbow people out of the way until I get to the front desk. I demand to see him _now_. At first the secretaries hesitate but upon seeing the look on my face and hearing the sheer panic in my voice, they tell me his room number. I decide that elevators are too slow for me; the adrenaline pumping through my veins gets me up the stairs plenty fast.

My chin quivers as I search for his room number, my hands shake as I fiddle with the door handle. I think back to the war. Images from the skin melting off of people to others being clawed apart by lizard mutts, I prepare myself for the worst. I slam my way into his room and am met with doctors trying to push me back into the hall. "She's my _girlfriend,_" I hear Gale grunt, and they all drop their hands. The sound of his voice causes me to pause in my step; if he's well enough to speak then he must be mostly alright. I still don't breathe until I see him, taking the seat at the side of his bed. They've most likely _forced_ him to lie down. I grab his hand in mine and force out the breath I've been holding all this way here. "Hey," he says weakly, his lips attempting to lift in some sort of smile.

He's sweating; a lot of the color has drained from his face. "What happened?" The words spill out of me and I blink rapidly to stop tears from doing the same. He's got a patch on his shoulder where blood threatens to leak through. It's clear they've cleaned the wound and wrapped it but it's mostly a makeshift job, they're waiting for something else before they do something. I lift my hand to the white square they've got taped to him but can't find the strength to touch the bandage; instead I cup his face and pull his chin down. "What _happened_?" I repeat, forcing him to look at me. The doctors aren't here, the nurses aren't here, it's only me and Gale.

Gale swallows once and leans in to my touch, taking a deep breath before starting his story. "I was walking home, you know? Some guy tried stealing this girl's purse." I narrow my eyes as he takes a break to cough, his chest heaving with each movement. "I kept thinking if it was you, what if it had been you, so I went after him." I shake my head as he leans down, pressing his forehead against mine. "He had a gun."

"Gale," I groan, chewing on my lip and knitting my eyebrows together. My hand slides down his cheek and I flicker back to the bandage. There's a bullet wound there. A _bullet _wound. I've been through a war and I haven't even been hit by a bullet, I don't think Gale has either.

He shrugs lightly but then pulls away to start coughing again. "Caught the guy, if that means anything to you," he mumbles. "He's in jail, the girl got her purse back." I try to force a smile but I can't seem to do it. All I can think about is Gale with a bullet wound in his shoulder right here. He lets out another cough as his body shakes, I realize the he's holding back more pain than evident by the way he tries to keep his back straight and how he winces at every twist of his body.

"Well what's being done about it?" I shout to the doctors, suddenly filled with rage at the fact that they've just left him here. "About his wound! You can't just let him rot!"

"Madge," Gale says quietly. "They're gonna put me through surgery they've just got to wait until…"

"Surgery?" I shake my head frantically and burst onto my feet. "No, no, you can't, you can't go into _surgery_…"

"I have to," he says, grabbing my hand and forcing me to look at him. "The bullet broke apart when it hit me, there're pieces of it in my shoulder. It's nothing major, alright? They've just got to get the bullet pieces out." Still I'm shaking my head, unable to stop the tears from literally falling this time, and he strains himself to reach me. "I'm going to be fine," he reassures me through a quiet voice. "I'm going to get a cool new scar and everything."

"Gale Hawthorne there is no such thing as a cool new scar!" I whimper, throwing my arms around his neck, careful to avoid his shoulder. "I swear if you leave me in this place alone I'll never forgive you."

"It's not a major surgery," he says again with a hint of a smile. He kisses me once before the doctors force me out of the room. "See you on the other side," he teases, but it's not reassuring to me at all.

Of course, everything ends up going smoothly. Sure, I pace the hospital for hours refusing to go home until Gale's out, but everything is fine. He shows me his scar and wraps me in his arms, boasting about how he's a hero of the sorts. All I can do is let him smother me in kisses, reassuring me that he's okay, that he's not going anywhere. I'll never admit to him that the scar _is_ cool.

* * *

><p><span>Two Years Later<span>

When the option arises for me to take a trip to District 6 and help put down a political unrest I jump on the opportunity. Gale protests at first but I eventually coax him into it. All I want is one final mission, one exciting reminder that I'm in charge of my destiny. I tell him how the bookstore is stuffy and I just want a break, how I'll be back the next week, and he finally lets me go. Once Gale finds out that he can't get out of work to go to the other District with me he decides against it, trying to talk me out of going.

"You're just gonna get yourself blow up," he mutters one night. "I don't know why you want to go so badly!"

"I don't understand why you don't _trust _me with this," I hiss back, slamming cabinets as I go. He doesn't understand that I just want this one last shot at proving myself. "You're just upset that you can't come with me," I conclude.

"Of _course_ that's why I'm upset!" he snaps. "Madge, every time we're apart for awhile something bad happens!" I roll my eyes and rest my hands on the counter to take a deep breath. I know he has a problem with leaving me; he always has ever since the war, but this is how it has to be.

"I'm going, whether you want me to or not." With that, Gale throws his hands in the air and exits our apartment. He says nothing, marching out and not returning for the night. I sleep on his side of the bed hoping he'll join me sometime in the twilight, but he doesn't.

Gale doesn't see me off, he doesn't even call me or leave a message. The entire week I'm away from him a fire burns inside of me, a secret hatred at the fact that he doesn't trust me, that he still treats me like I'm so much younger than him. Everything goes as planned in District 6, of course. The unrest is halted with ease, I don't even get the chance to fire my gun. Overall the trip is uneventful, nothing but a bit of drama between squad members to keep us entertained. I don't talk to Gale the entire week, I half expect him to call me but I know he's too stubborn to do so.

Mostly we were needed for extra security in District 6 while the higher ups worked out some sort of system. We board the hovercraft without problem, I keep mostly to myself. I keep thinking about Gale, how he didn't even bother to call me. I mean sure, I could've called him, that probably would have made more sense, but he's supposed to call _me_.

The hovercraft starts shaking about half an hour after takeoff. Ten thousand feet in the air our engine gives out, sending us plummeting toward the Earth. Everything happens so fast, so suddenly, I don't have time to process what I'm doing. Someone shakes me until I respond, grabbing both of my arms and hoisting a parachute onto my back. Flashes of the night when I rode with Grash and Bristel flash before me. It's not as bad this time, the wall doesn't rip off and suck us out, but I still feel my heart in my throat.

Those who have been trained in parachuting take the opportunity to get us _all_ involved, instructing us on how to exit the plane. I have a fear of heights I'm not willing to discuss at the time and force myself into the brisk air of the night when they tell me too. I keep my eyes shut but feel the wind that rushes around me. Flames start to leap from the hovercraft as I cascade toward the ground, waiting for the signal to pull the strap I have around my back. I don't have time to panic, I don't have time to cry.

I've been in a hovercraft that went down once before and I have to keep a level head. I bite my tongue and copper swirls in my senses, I force myself to take deep breaths as my body drops to the ground. My insides are screaming, my stomach threatens to send my most recent meal into the air around me, but I listen for orders to be shouted despite the wind funneling in my ears. I make out the faint cry of someone shouting _pull_ and I yank the strap around my stomach. Once the parachute escapes behind me and strangles my insides, causing me to gasp and plead for air, I squeeze my eyes shut and force back tears. I sprain my ankle when I make contact with the ground, twist my wrist as I try to stop the impact. I get plenty of scrapes, bruises, and burns that are sure to leave permanent marks.

"Undersee!" Another member of the team shouts to me as I heave myself up onto all fours, panting and trying to regain my breath. They stride over to me and help me up slowly on shaky legs. I don't know their name but I've seen them around the past week, he places both of his hands on my shoulders until I find myself standing. "Are you okay?" I study his face and find it without a mark, I tip my head into the best nod I can manage. The weight of the situation suddenly hits me as I hear someone scream out in pain, a piercing yelp that pounds through my ear. The world goes black and I stumble backwards. I can only hope someone catches me.

They do, of course, and when I wake again I'm being rolled into a hospital on some sort of gurney. The walls tell me we're back in District 2 and all I can think about is Gale. How he didn't want me to go in the first place, how I hadn't talked to him the entire week I had been there because of said argument. "Gale," I whisper, finding my throat dry and raw. "I need Gale." Neither of the doctors that are wheeling me make any effort to respond so I try my best to shout. The shout comes out ragged, I start coughing violently and sucking in sharp breaths.

"Shhh," the doctors try to keep me quiet as they roll me into a room. I start thrashing, tearing at the straps around my wrists. What if I'm dying? I have to see him! I have to see him one more time!

"I need him!" I shout desperately. "_I need him!_" They don't understand; they don't know what it's like! The last thing we did was fight, argue, I just long for his scent one last time, a final goodbye so I know that he still loves me, that he doesn't hate me because I left. The two doctor's exchange worried looks but eventually one of them leaves to presumably find him for me. At this reassurance the world slips back into darkness and I don't hesitate to fall into sleep's grasp.

When I wake again someone is pressing their lips to my hand, shaky breaths escape from their throat as they squeeze tightly to my fingers. "It's okay," they whisper as I shift in my spot. "You're okay." My eyes flicker open and study the man in front of me, Gale's eyes are deep with lack of sleep and his eyebrows are knotted in worry. "Hey," he says weakly, kissing my hand again. I squeeze as tight as I can back and he lowers his forehead to my fingers.

"Gale, I'm sorry," the words spill out of me as he brings himself closer, scooting the chair as close to the hospital bed as it can possibly get. "I'm sorry, I should've _listened_ to you, I shouldn't have…"

"No, _I'm_ sorry," he shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut. I attempt to push myself into a sitting position but Gale forces me back down, his eyebrows in the same worried shape. His eyes scan over me as he figures out how to continue. "I shouldn't have yelled at you," he says weakly, he keeps his voice quiet to stop it from shaking but I still hear the quivers. "Before you left. I shouldn't have yelled. I was so worried, Madge, I…"

"I love you," I force out. It's the only thing I know that can get him to stop apologizing. It was my fault too, the fight, I can't stand when he blames himself for things that aren't his fault. "No more fighting, I just love you."

"Only 20 survived," he tells me, dropping his forehead so it rests against my hand. I take a moment to breath, feeling the spark of pain on my rib whenever I inhale too deeply. My ankle's been wrapped and so has my wrist. There's a cord on my forearm that keeps me on a monitor. "Out of 45 of you. I kept thinking how I hadn't said goodbye, how the last thing I said to you was how bad things happen when we're apart." I feel his chin quiver against my hand. "Marry me."

"Gale?"

His head lifts up as he gazes into my eyes, repeating, "Marry me." I open my mouth to say something but words continue to leak from him. "I never want to lose you again. Ever. Madge, I love you, I can't lose you again. Please. _Marry me_." My head tips into a nod as he digs in his pockets. "I should have asked you ages ago, should've married you right when the war ended but I was scared that you'd… that you'd want someone else that…"

"Only you," I refuse his protests and push myself up to sit. I need him closer; I need his skin against mine. I pull his face into my hands and lean until our noses brush. "It's always been you, Gale."

"I'm sorry it took me you to nearly die to ask," he shakes as he pulls out the ring, grabbing my hand lightly and sliding the finger on. It takes a few tries but eventually the jewel glistens, he straightens it properly as he takes deep breaths. "I just… I can't... I've had the ring for months, I couldn't…"

"Yes," I choke out, my hands sliding up his face and forcing him down with me. "Yes, I'll marry you. Right now, tomorrow, whenever." He forces his lips against mine as a tearful laugh escapes me. I wince as a spike of pain shoots down my back and Gale moves away but I grab him again. His hands move lightly over my face, softly against the cuts they've glued together and the burns that haven't fully healed yet.

"I love you," he breathes. "I was so scared, I never felt… I just…" I tease my lips against his until he stops talking, listening as a muffled laugh escapes his through.

"Ms. Undersee," a doctor marches in angrily with a clipboard. "If you over exert yourself your forehead is sure to…"

"Hawthorne," Gale says between kisses. "Mrs. Hawthorne." The doctor stares at us as Gale pulls himself away, "She said yes." I doubt the doctor knows Gale and she surely only knows me because of the name on the clipboard, but her eyes widen and she lifts her hand to her mouth as Gale holds out my own hand. "Yes! She said yes! Hawthorne, her name…"

"Not yet!" I laugh as he kisses me again. With every second the pain lessens, the bubble in my stomach expands. "Not yet."

"Soon," he grins, his hands reaching up to brush the tears from under my eyes. "Very soon."

* * *

><p><span>11 Months Later<span>

Bristel is bent on not letting Gale see me before the ceremony, same goes for me to him. I pace the room she's locked me in and glance at myself in the mirror. I worry the dress I have on is too short, too revealing, yet not showing enough. Katniss sits on a chair in the corner and watches as I pace, saying nothing. I chew my lip and pull on my hair, only then does she make an attempt to stop me.

"Madge," she says quietly, grabbing my hands and pulling me to a pause. "Are you nervous?"

"No," I hurl out quickly. She lifts her eyebrows and I frown, "Maybe a little." I twist the golden ring on my finger, the diamond sparkles. I'm not nervous to be married to him; hell it's not that, it's just weird that it's going to be official. I don't know how much is going to change; we've been together like we were married for years now. The Undersee name will be gone forever; I'll be Madge _Hawthorne_ in just a few hours. "I don't know."

She places her hand on my shoulder and taps at my chin, "You're going to be fine."

"What if he changes his mind?"

Katniss rolls her eyes, "If he didn't want to marry you he wouldn't have asked." Her hands drop to her side and smooth across the dress she's wearing, obviously uncomfortable in the blue garment. She tells me to sit down and then she starts pulling the locks of my hair over my shoulders so they rest on my back. "You look great, Madge. He's going to love it." Still, I chew on my lip. The white dress I wear is longer in the back, trailing across the floor, while the front is shorter. It's covered in beads and pearls and lace in an intricate design. I'm barely wearing any makeup, a light blush down my cheeks. Bristel did my eyes and they have a hint of blue on the lids to 'bring out the color', as she says. My hair's tied back but still down my shoulders, Katniss's hands place the curls in a line.

A knock on the door forces me to my feet and I watch Katniss smirk. "You ready?" Haymitch's voice carries through the door before he pushes it open all the way. He straightens his suit and raises his eyebrows at me. "All grown up and still only 22," he shakes his head. "Katniss you're needed down the aisle." Katniss is my maid of honor. It was going to be Bristel but she rejected the position, saying she would be crying too much to stand on the stage the whole time. Katniss pats me once on the back before exiting the room, making her way down the hall and disappearing out of sight. "Cold feet?"

"Never," I continue to chew my lip. The open door means I have to make my way down the aisle in a few moments. "I might throw up, though."

Haymitch extends his arm and I grip tightly to it. "The nerves will pass," he smiles. We make our way down the hall and I cling tighter to him, hearing music ring from the room we'll be entering. "Hey," Haymitch pulls me to the side and lifts my chin up so I meet his gaze. "I've never met two people more perfect for each other than you and Gale, alright?" I timidly force my head into a nod and he smiles. "Just watch his face when you enter the room. All your doubt will fade." I raise an eyebrow but say nothing, silently agreeing to follow his request.

"Haymitch," I grab his arm before we reach our destination. "Thank you. For handing me off, you know."

"I'm your Godfather," he smirks. "Kind of in the job description." He leans down and wraps his arms around me quickly. "Your parents would be so proud of you," he whispers to me. "Your mother, she'd be a wreck. Your father…"

"He wouldn't come," I respond. "He didn't like Gale."

"He didn't like Gale _then_," Haymitch corrects as he drops his arms. "He thought Gale was going to get you killed." He pushes a strand of hair out of my face and smiles. "Now, however, after everything you've been through. He'd like Gale. He'd be happy for you, sweetheart. He would." I lift my shoulders lightly, willing the tears to stay out of my eyes. "They're with you, you know," he taps my necklace and I let out a laugh, sniffling once as he wipes under my eyes. "They always will be."

"I know," I say weakly. "Just, thank you. For being here." He grabs me in another hug, careful not to mess up my dress or my hair, and then pulls me down the rest of hallway.

Once we reach the door he pulls me closer to his arm and I force my eyes open. Everyone in the room stands and it should cause me to shift my gaze but I can't. I'm doing just what Haymitch said. I keep my eyes trained on Gale as I take nervous steps down the aisle. Gale's eyes widen when he sees me, all expressions momentarily dissipating from his face. As I continue down the aisle the faintest smile on his face stretches into a grin, his eyes widening as they trail my body. By the time Haymitch hands me off to Gale I'm sure the eyes of both men are wet. Gale's arm shakes as I take hold and we continue up toward the official who will legally bind us forever.

When he lets me go so we can face each other, Gale dips down and kisses me quickly. My heart thuds in my ears as the official snickers, "These two must be eager."

"You look beautiful," Gale murmurs to me and only me, keeping the comment between only us. It causes my cheeks to explode pink. I chew my lip as he pulls away, turning to the official. "Well get started, already." Gale's comment gets receives some laughter from the crowd, hinting toward the _eager _again, and the official carries on his business, binding us once and for all.

The ceremony goes on and the official reads out of a tiny book. "Do you, Gale Hawthorne, take Margret Undersee to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold for all eternity? To love, cherish, and protect her from all harm, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

"I do," Gale nods as slips the wedding band onto my finger. While he lifts my hand he kisses it, repeating, "I do."

"And do you, Margret Undersee, take Gale Hawthorne to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and hold for all eternity? To love, cherish, and honor him, in poverty or wealth, until death do you part?"

"Yes," I say, but then quickly correct myself. "I-I do." I fumble as I try to get his ring on, receiving another laugh from the crowd. Gale's steady breath and now un-shaking hands are what allows me to focus, to breathe. I meet his gaze as the ring slides on and watch as his smile brightens.

"Then by the power vested in me by the Republic of Panem, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss…" his words are drowned out in applause as Gale closes the distance between us and presses his lips hungrily against mine. My arms latch around his neck and his around my waist, he dips us and the cheering from the audience increases. Somewhere between the pounding of my heart in my ears and the applause I hear the official shout, "I present you, Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne!" Hawthorne. I'm Madge Hawthorne.

* * *

><p><span>Later That Night<span>

"When my son told me he was dating the mayor's daughter," Hazelle stands at the mic and tells our story, "I was… annoyed." Chuckles lift from the crowd as Gale squeezes my hand tightly. His fingers trace the initials I carved so long ago. They're now mostly faded, but still easy to find if you know where to start looking. Whoever wants to share their story of me and Gale goes to the microphone in the front of the room and does that, shares it. Hazelle's up there now, her eyes focused on me and Gale who sit by the front in the center.

"Thanks for the support, Ma," Gale calls out, and then the crowd laughs again.

"You have to understand we had nothing, then. We were poor, always hungry… I just kept thinking: what could she possibly _want_ from us? Madge was lovely, of course, and the more I saw them together the less I opposed the idea. She didn't want anything, just my son's heart." My cheeks turn pink as I see Gale smirk out of the corner of my eye. Hazelle continues, "I thought my son had been setting himself up for heartbreak. The mayor's daughter was sure to have plenty of boys after her that would fight for her affection. I never would have imagined that we'd end up here. However, tonight, there's no place I'd rather be." She pauses, lifting up her glass, "To Madge, my new daughter."

"And sister!" I hear Rory shout from the back of the room.

The crowd echoes, "To Madge!" Everyone tips their cups and drinks to the toast. I roll my eyes playfully as Gale nudges my side while he sips his champagne.

Hazelle steps off the stage and makes her way to us, placing her hands on both of my shoulders. "I'm so happy for you," she says quietly. "There's no one else I'd rather my son be with."

"Thank you," I force out. Hazelle nods as the smile I wear widens, and then she presses her lips to my forehead. Then she moves to Gale, her hand trailing across his cheek lightly before making her way back to her table.

The toasts carry on through the night. I can't decide if my favorite toast is Thom ("You'll never understand how jealous I was. The mayor's daughter? Damn, Gale! I mean then I realized I liked Bristel so I wasn't as jealous but still…"), Haymitch ("Oh, I knew Gale through Katniss. Madge didn't know I was her Godfather then so I couldn't exactly rough him up without receiving a few questioning looks. I knew he upset her though and I wanted to tear his throat out.") or Katniss ("I thought it was a joke at first if we're being honest. It made me want to puke. Then I saw them together and I knew… I just knew it wasn't. The way he treats her, he doesn't treat anyone else like that.").

Eventually, however, I decide on Finnick's speech being my favorite. "You never know true love until you've experienced it yourself," he says. "With Annie my love grew. With our child my love only increased." I glance over my shoulder at Finnick's table where Annie sits holding a bouncing baby boy. "Watching Gale and Madge together… it's one of those things that you know. You can just tell by looking at them. The way Gale's eyes light up and the way Madge blushes even after all this time. That feeling doesn't go away." He pauses to readjust the microphone. "Once you have true love you can identify it so easily, and they have it. Oh, they have it."

The crowd busts into applause as Gale pulls me closer, pressing a kiss to my temple as our oceanic friend continues his speech. "Madge became like a daughter to me and Annie after the war. She still is like a daughter. No offense, Haymitch," Finnick points to the aging man in the crowd who raises his shoulders in a shrug while a smile lifts on his face. "And with your daughter you must trust her judgment on things like this. Gale, if you hurt her I will kill you."

"I'll allow it," Gale calls up to him with a laugh. "But I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"No," Finnick answers. "I don't either."

* * *

><p><span>A Few Hours Later<span>

Once we step off the elevator Gale scoops me into his arms. "What are you doing?" I laugh as he strides toward our apartment.

"I know you wanted to get married in District 12," he says as he opens the door, "and because we couldn't do that I wanted to bring a bit of District 12 _here_." He carries me across the threshold and then deposits me lightly on my toes. My hand rests on his chest as I gaze into our apartment; the fireplace across the room is already flickering to life.

"The Toasting," I gasp, and he nods. Many people assumed that because I was the mayor's daughter I hadn't heard of the Toasting or wanted anything to do with it, but I had. Oh, I've always wanted something like this. His arm slips around my waist as he pulls me toward the fire.

"I had Mellark bake the bread," he tells me. I roll my eyes at the nickname that stuck despite Katniss soon becoming a Mellark herself. "Because you love him so much."

"Mmm, yes, maybe I should have married Peeta." Gale also rolls his eyes while he cuts the bread. My eyes linger on the ring he now wears on his finger, the ring I placed there just earlier today. He notices me staring and lifts his gaze, a minuscule smile spreading on his face. He keeps his hand on the slice while I grab the other end. "Count of three?"

He nods, "1… 2…. 3…" Together we toss the piece of bread into the fire, listening to it crackle and sizzle below us.

"Do we take it out?" I ask. I've heard of the Toasting ceremony but I've never done it, nor watched it happen. Gale nods, waiting a few more minutes before getting it out with prongs and placing it onto a plate. "Do we _eat_ it?" Again he nods, a laugh bubbling out of his throat. I take to the sofa and wait for him to follow. He slathers the piece of bread in strawberry jam before cutting it in half, handing one piece to me.

"For you, Mrs. Hawthorne," he says brightly.

"Thank you, Mr. Hawthorne." He pulls me into his arms as I nibble on the bread. Toasted perfectly. Once the treat is gone Gale spins me around, pinning me down on the couch before nipping against me. "We're married," I force out between desperate kisses. He nods, his arms slipping around my waist and up my sides and through my hair. "Gale, we're _married_."

"I know," he laughs, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "You're my wife." I nod once as he grins. "I've wanted to say that for so long."

"Then say it again," I giggle as he kisses my nose.

"I have the rest of our lives to say it," Gale replies, dipping down and pressing his lips to my collarbone. "Now, however, there are some other things I'd like to do." His hands circle around my waist as he pulls me up, stationing me in his arms before carrying me off to our bed.

* * *

><p><span>Seven Months Later<span>

I pace back and forth through the apartment trying to figure out what else I can clean. I've already scrubbed the bathroom, the kitchen, there has to be something else. My eyes catch a spot on the glass as I scan out across District 2 and I realize I need to clean the _windows_. I rush to get the supplies from under the sink and begin spraying away, wiping away all the fingerprints and places our foreheads have rested. As I'm scrubbing a particularly dirty spot I hear Gale come home, the door quietly shutting as his footsteps echo through the room.

"Madge?" his voice carries around the apartment until he finds me. "Hey," his face brightens when he spots me. He tosses his jacket on the counter and makes his way toward me. I drop the sponge in the bucket as he gets near and wipe the sweat off my forehead quickly, still trying to impress him despite him being my husband. "Guess what?"

"What?" I ask, pressing up on my toes and meeting him in a kiss half way.

He glances down at me, his mouth open like he's going to continue, but then stops. His lips press together and then against mine once more. "What's wrong?"

I narrow my eyes as he licks his lips, "What?"

"You only clean when you're upset about something," he says, brushing a strand of hair that fell out of my bun back behind my ear. I roll my eyes and reach back down for the sponge but he pushes the bucket out of the way with his foot. "You're my wife, hun, I know when you're upset about something." I cross my arms and straighten my back. "Hm?" I narrow my gaze as his grin widens. "How about I tell you my news and then you tell me what's on your mind, okay?"

"Sure, Gale," I sigh, leaning backwards against the windows that I'll just have to clean again. "You go first."

"I got a promotion," he says simply. His eyebrows rise up his forehead like it's the most natural thing ever. "Triple the pay, as well as the title of _Commander_."

"That's great!" I laugh, rushing forward as he holds his arms open. "Oh, Gale," his arms tighten around my back as he spins me. Once he drops me he lowers his forehead to mine, lightly teasing his lips against mine.

"Your turn," he grins, but I scrunch my nose. "Tell me." He kisses me again trying to coax it out of me. "Tell me." Another kiss. "Tell me."

"Gale!" I pry myself out of his arms but he doesn't let me get far, wrapping himself around my waist and resting his chin on my neck. "It's nothing, I just… it's nothing."

"Something at work?" His breath is warm against my ear and I lean my head into a no. "Did I do something?" Again I shake my head no, trying to escape his grasp. Every time I try, however, he pulls me tighter. "You gotta tell me, Madge. Do I need to beat Thom up?"

I laugh, "It's nothing like that." Gale plants kisses on my collarbone and I sigh, leaning backwards into his grasp.

"Then tell me," he pleads lightly. "Is it about moving again? Because if it is then we can still talk about it…"

"No, it's not about moving," I scowl. I went through a phase a few weeks ago where I was dead set on moving back to District 12 but Gale, of course, was opposed. He ultimately won the argument and I no longer wish to move back there. I quite like District 2. I rub my face until he loosens his grip, allowing me to turn and face him. "I just… I don't know how you'll take it." He raises an eyebrow and leads me to the couch, pulling me down so I rest against his chest. I yank my hair out of the bun and pull my fingers through it, trying to straighten it a bit.

"Hit me," he says simply, playing with the tips of my hair. His fingers curl around my golden locks as he kisses the top of my head. "I can take it."

I chew my lip, "No, I'm not sure you can." Gale isn't good with news like this. He's good at delivering news, sure, but surprises? Nope. Not Gale. Once I surprised him on a trip out to District 4 to see Finnick and Annie and he was red in the face the entire day as if his whole schedule was off whack.

And then there's the fact that Gale always goes to the worst case scenario. "You didn't… you didn't cheat or anything…"

"No," I shove his chest. I know he doesn't really think I'd do something like that; he just wants to make sure. I'd probably ask the same thing if he was acting like I am, I just can't figure out how to say it, how to tell him. "Selfish bastard."

He smirks, "Just making sure." His lips find my neck. "Tell me," he whispers again. His voice is pleading, desperate. "I just want to make sure you're okay." I throw my head back as he works away on my collarbone. Gale's hands tighten around my waist and my heartbeat picks up. It's now or never.

"I think I might… I think I might be," I fumble in my words and Gale picks his head up. I can't get all the words out.

"Might be what?" I sigh as Gale turns to face me, his eyebrows knitted in concentration. "Might be _what_, Madge?" His hand reaches up to cup my cheek but his eyes drop to my stomach. I dip my head in the slightest yes and watch as his eyes widen. "Pr–" he can't finish the word as I continue to nod. Gale drops his hand from my cheek and rests it against my stomach, I close my eyes to the gentle gesture. "You think? Or… or you know?"

"Okay, I know," I say weakly. My eyes flicker open as his forehead lowers to mine; his eyes are trained on my stomach. "I wasn't sure but I went to the doctors this morning and…" he cuts me off by crashing his lips to mine, lifting his hand back to my face and pulling me in as close as he can. "Gale?"

"You're… you're really?"

"Pregnant?" He nods and so do I. "Yes, I'm really pregnant." A strangled laugh escapes him as he kisses me again. His arms circle gently around my waist and he's careful not to touch my stomach. "You're not going to hurt anything," I laugh as he squeezes me with precaution. His lips skirt across my forehead, down my cheek until they find my lips again. "Are you ready for this?" I breathe against his mouth and he shakes his head no.

"Not yet. But I will be." He cups my face and grins. "I love you," he tells me quietly. "I have no idea how to do this but I'm going to be the best father I can, okay?" I nod as my lips curl into a smile. "I just really love you."

"I know we're still young," I add quickly, but he shakes his head no.

"Big family, remember?" I laugh as his hands trail across my body, unsure of where to stop or what to do. "We're really… we're having a baby?" Again I nod, his hands finally settling on my face to pull me closer. "How many?"

"Hopefully just one right now," I mutter, knowing my mother was a twin and it's very possible for me to give birth to twins. "How many kids do you want?"

Gale thinks for a moment before saying, "Five."

"Five?"

"Or six."

"Gale I'm not a birthing machine!" He laughs, his hands dropping to my waist and holding me as close as he possibly can. My arms find their way around his neck. "I thought you were going to freak out," I admit.

"I am freaking out," he replies weakly. I lean back a bit and place my palm lightly on his cheek. "First a husband, then a dad…" he shakes his head as I kiss him gently. "What if I'm not…" Again I kiss him, cutting off his sentence. He melts into this kiss, his hand lifting up to tangle in my hair, the other firm against my hip.

"You're going to be a great dad," I tell him as I brush through his bangs with my fingers. "I love you."

* * *

><p><span>Approximately Nine Months Later<span>

"I hate you, I hate you, _I_ _hate you!_" I squeeze his hand and throw my head back. "Gale Hawthorne I'm going to kill you once this baby gets out of me!"

"Just take a deep breath," he replies calmly. As if he's the one trying to shove a baby out of the smallest opening in his _body_. I can't breathe, I can't feel anything. Where's the pain medicine? Oh, hell, my body is being ripped _apart_!

"Where the hell is Finnick? I'm going to get him to kill you for me!" I'm dying, oh hell I'm _dying_. Waves of agony ripple through my skin and up my spine and through my stomach. I squeeze as tight as I can on Gale's hand and feel him flinch. I hope I broke a damn finger. "Where the hell is the pain medicine!" Doctors shout around me, telling me to _push, push, _because that's so easy! My eyes snap shut as I make my attempt at _pushing_ and I grunt.

"You're almost there, babe," Gale says from beside me.

"Do _not _call me babe you inconsiderate bastard! I hate you," I say again. "We are not having six kids, damnit!" Deep breath, deep breath, I suck in air as fast as I can and release it back. "I can't _do this_!"

"Almost there," he says again. Stabbing, getting my flesh ripped off and out, a pounding headache that will not go away. "Come on, Madge," I shake my head no, no, no, I can't, I cannot do this. "One more." With one last final push the pain is gone; I let out a deep breath as the sound of a baby's cry fills the air.

"It's a boy," the doctor is saying. "A beautiful baby boy, Mrs. Hawthorne."

"Let me see him," I pant, reaching up in the air as if they're going to hand him to me right now. "My son, let me see him." A few minutes pass of frantic moving around and I force my eyes open as they thrust him into my hands. "Gale," I extend my hand until I meet his face, pulling him close to us. "Look." All Gale can do it nod, his eyes traveling over the small figure in my hands. The baby starts crying again and a laugh bubbles out of me as my fingers dance across his tiny cheek. The ghastly noises fade as the baby blinks, my baby, our baby. "What do we name him?"

"Boone," Gale says quickly. "After my father…"

I nod, "Boone Leon." Both of our fathers. "Boone Leon Hawthorne." The doctors and nurses hit a few buttons on the computer as Gale leans closer. "He's so beautiful." He has the lighter skin that I possess but a head already full of hair as dark as Gale's. His eyes are bright, a collision of blue and gray swim before us. I swaddle the baby in my arms and another laugh bubbles out of me. My son. Our son. "Do you want to hold him?" I lift the boy wrapped in a blue blanket up to Gale who hesitates. "Hold him," I say, handing him over gently.

One in Gale's arms the baby reaches up, his fingers traveling across the stubble on Gale's chin. "Hi," Gale says quietly. "I'm your dad," he whispers. "And that's your mom," he points in my direction as another laugh eases out of me, my eyes suddenly prickled with tears. "And we love you very much, we're going to spoil you rotten." Gale lifts his gaze to me and mouths _I love you_ before looking down at Boone again. "Hi baby," Gale laughs brightly and traces his nose with his finger. "You're perfect."

* * *

><p><span>Twenty Years Later<span>

The dryer beeps and I make my way to the laundry room, listening to the rowdy footsteps of my husband and children downstairs disappear out the door. Today is Iulia's 10th birthday which means Gale is taking her and the others out for her first hunting trip. Me, unable to kill an innocent animal, has chosen to stay home no matter how much Gale pleaded with me. Along with Iulia is Pax who turned 12 last month and Zeno who turns 14 in a week. Sarus is with Finnick and Annie to stay for the weekend, him and the most recent Odair are both 9.

I make my way to the window just in time to watch my dark haired men push their way into the woods by our house, followed by my beautiful blondes. After I gave birth to Boone Gale decided we needed to move. Not out of District 2 considering it had become our safe haven, but into a bigger house. With six children I'd say the house we live in is plenty necessary. Where we live now is around others yet with an abundant forest right on the edge. It became a tradition to take all the kids hunting on their 10th birthday considering that's when Gale learned how to hunt. So far it would appear the girls like it more than the boys, but Sarus hasn't been yet. Pax didn't like it much either but she went along because Iulia asked her to.

I make my way back to the dryer and begin pulling out clothing, humming a tune that often gets stuck in my head from many years ago when I played in a recital. "Mom?" I lift my head from Gale's uniform and watch Anetha stick her head in the room. "Can we talk?"

"Sure, hun," I smile, turning. "Would you like to help me with the laundry?" She laughs, taking a hair tie off her wrist and pinning up her long dark hair up in a pony. She's the only of our daughters to have hair like Gale's while Sarus is the only boy with golden hair like me. "What's up?" Ann takes a shirt out of the dryer and attempts to fold it. "I thought you went with your father."

"I was going to," she says. "I just wasn't up for it today." She folds the shirt sloppily and I snatch it from her hands with a smirk.

"So what's up?" I ask again, watching her sink into a laundry basket filled with dirty towels. "Is this about Boone leaving for college?"

"Nah," she shakes her head. Boone left for his degree in art studies a few weeks ago, the house hasn't been the same without it. He and Anetha were close despite having a four year age difference. They learned piano together, went hunting together, went to parties together. "I talked to him yesterday."

"Well then what?" I pry, nudging the basket she's in with my foot. "Hm?"

"I was reading my textbook the other day," she starts, and I can't help but laugh. Anetha gets good grades, sure, but it doesn't mean she likes school. She got that trait from her father, of course. "Aw, Mom!"

"Sorry," I grin, brushing a strand of hair from my face. "Go on, textbook…"

"And I was reading about the war," she stubbornly continues, crossing her arms across her chest. "You know, about you and Dad." I tip my head into a nod. The kids know a bit about the war, about how the Capitol tortured me so when I get headaches I'm to be kept away from at all costs. They don't know the details, only to stay away when my head aches. It's rare but it still happens. They don't know the details. "You were still Undersee then."

"That I was," I nod. The name almost feels foreign to me, I haven't been called Undersee in years. The only time I hear it is when Finnick teases me or one of Gale's work buddies comes into the bookstore.

"Did you and Dad meet during the war?"

"So you want to know about me and your father, eh?" I chuckle, leaning backwards against the dryer. "No, I met your father back in District 12. I lived there when I was younger with my parents." I pause as I heave the rest of the clothes from the dryer into a basket, stationing it between me and Anetha so she can help if she'd like. Fortunately she reaches for a shirt as I continue. "My family was the wealthiest in the District, my father was the mayor."

Her eyes widen, "I thought Dad was poor when he was younger. How'd you two meet?"

I laugh, "He sold me strawberries."

"Let me guess," she says once she gets a few things folded. "You and Dad hated each other. Then when the war happened you two ended up on the same squad and somehow worked around your differences?"

"Wrong," I snicker. "I loved your father way before the war started. We were together when the war happened. We were supposed to go to District 13 together but then the bombing of the District happened and we got separated. I ended up going to the Capitol instead." Anetha nibbles on her lip and averts her eyes, pausing on the pair of shorts she's currently folding.

"You never talk about it," she says quietly. "Is it because I'm too young? I'm 16, that's how old you were when Aunt Katniss got Reaped, and…"

"It's not because you're too young," I sigh, taking a seat in the laundry basket next to hers. "I didn't even tell _Boone_, dear." She keeps her eyes on the shorts in her hands and continues to chew on her lip. It's not that I don't want to tell her, especially because she wants to know. I just fear for her. Gale still wakes up with nightmares about the Capitol, as do I. Why would I want to pass that burden on to my children? "It was scary," I finally say. "Not something I want any of you kids to live through. They did horrible things to me in there, things I don't have the heart to tell you. You have to understand that, Ann."

"I do," she frowns. "I'm just curious is all." There's another pause as she finally folds the shorts. "I saw you attack Dad. Last week." I wince at her words, taking a moment to pause and collect my breath. It was a short moment of course but my hands were tight around Gale's neck. His voice is still a bit sore but nothing too major. "I keep thinking about it."

"I black out whenever it happens," I finally force out. "I'm so sorry you had to see that… I…" I drop my head into my hands and rub my fingers over my temples. "You probably think I'm _crazy_…"

"Nah," she lifts her shoulders into a shrug and continues folding things from the basket. "It was scary but if Dad married you then you're obviously not crazy. Unless he's crazy too, which is possible." I laugh slightly and pick my head up from my hands, watching her lips curl into a smile. "Anyways, back to you and Dad."

"Why are you so interested?" I laugh. "Alright, after I got out of the Capitol your father saved the day and we went into the war together and both came out alive and now we're here. The end."

Anetha frowns, "Dad told it in much more detail than you did." I raise my eyebrows, wondering what sort of details Gale used in our story. There are some things I don't want our children to know, some things I like to keep between just the two of us.

"Oh, so you've asked your father about this already?"

"Course she did," Gale's voice causes us both to turn; Anetha nearly falls out of her basket. I hold my hand up to my heart considering he startled me and go to scold him. "It's going to storm," he answers the unasked question of why he's suddenly home. "I told the kids they could stay outside until it starts raining." He walks over and extends his hand to me, helping me up out of the basket. "Were you comfortable?" His voice stays quiet as if he's asking me something private.

"Yes," I frown, masking the pink to my cheeks, "I was." He laughs, leaning down and pressing his lips against mine quickly.

"Want me to make dinner?"

"If you want," I reply quietly. His eyes trail to Anetha who pretends to busy herself folding clothes. Again he kisses me, my stomach still twisting even after all this time.

"I don't want," he laughs, starting his way back toward the stairs, "but I will for you." I roll my eyes as his laugh echoes through the hall and then extend a hand down to Anetha, helping her up quickly. She straightens her shirt and then pulls the tie out of her hair, letting it fall down her back in curls like mine had when I was younger.

Anetha turns to make sure her father is actually downstairs. "I still don't understand how you were so badass in the war and now you work at a bookstore."

"Language," I scold her. "And I don't _work_ at the bookstore, I _own_, the bookstore." She rolls her eyes but keeps a smile on her face. "Why do you want to know so much about me and your father, hm?"

"I'm just _wondering_," Anetha finally answers, "because you met Dad when you were 16, right?"

"You met a boy?" I raise an eyebrow. Of course she met a boy. Play at the heartstrings to get my approval of some boy. "What's his name?"

"He's Boone's friend so he's 19 and…"

"Nope," I shake my head. She sighs angrily and balls her hands into fists, dropping them at her sides. "No, no, and no. You're 16, Anetha!"

"Dad was 19 when you first started dating!" Her arms cross as she storms from the room. "Dad! Mom won't let me date!"

"Aw, Madge," Gale's voice echoes from the kitchen. "Let her go out!"

"Gale Hawthorne," I frown, following Anetha down the stairs. "You were enough trouble when we first started dating, Anetha doesn't need…" I end up in the kitchen where both my daughter and husband have their arms crossed and their eyebrows raised. They planned this, of course they did. Like father like daughter. "I get to meet him," I finally sigh after realizing there's no way I'm going to win this. Anetha jumps on her toes, rushing over and hugging me quickly.

"Thanks Mom! Love you!" After that she rushes from the room, probably to call up the boy in question. I turn to Gale and mimic his stance, crossing my arms across my chest.

"You always side with her," I mutter.

"You always sided with _Boone_. All because he played the piano just like you."

I laugh, "That's not true."

"It is true," Gale grins, dropping his arms and grabbing the hem of my shirt to pull me closer. We both turn our heads as we hear Anetha squeal into the phone, her footsteps echoing overhead from where her room is. "Look how happy you've made her," he whispers, tipping my chin up. "Could be true love."

"Could be heartache," I say back as his lips move gently across mine. "Or true love. Is that what we were?"

"No," he laughs. "We were heartache." I push his shoulder as his shoulder as he switches his grip around me, pulling me close against him. "I love you," he grins, kissing me quickly. His eyes avert to my forehead as he lifts his hand up, toying at a strand of my hair. "Is that a gray hair?"

"Oh, you ass!" I push him backwards as he lets out a hearty laugh, pulling me into his arms once more. In one swift motion he lifts me to the counter, cupping my cheek and forcefully kissing me. "If anyone has gray hair it's you," I murmur between our lips. "I just choose not to say anything." He grins against my lips, kissing down my neck slowly.

"Mom! Dad!" Zeno's shocked voice pulls us out of our moment of passion and be both turn. He and Pax stand staring at us with wide eyes. "Really? In the kitchen?"

"I will kiss your mother wherever I please," Gale answers with a smirk, pulling my chin and kissing me again. "And you will deal with it!"

"Gale," I laugh and fight the swirling of my stomach, pushing him backwards to the point where I can slip off the counter. "Make dinner," I demand with a smirk. He starts toward the fridge with a defeated face.

"Sure," he frowns. I shoo the kids out of the kitchen and turn back to him. "I love you," he tells me quietly, pulling me back in for one more kiss. "And our children, despite them never letting us have a moment of privacy anymore."

"I love you too," I laugh against his lips. "Good thing I'm sending them to Haymitch for the holidays, eh?" Gale's eyes brighten at my words and I tip my head once, watching a grin form on his face. I follow my kids into the living room with a smile. I plop down next to Pax and throw my arm over her shoulder, kicking my feet up on the coffee table and watching some show roll across the TV. All I can think about is the man in the kitchen, the man I fell in love with. Holidays are in two weeks, and they're two weeks long. They'll only be at Haymitch's for one week but that's one week of just me and Gale together alone…

"Mom," Pax nudges me. "What're you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I laugh, brushing her hair out of her face. "Just my beautiful children and how I love them all so much."

She rolls her eyes but leans more into my side. "We love you too," she says brightly. "Maybe not as much as _Dad_ loves you," she teases and I tickle her side. "But we still love you." I press a kiss to her forehead and watch Gale scurry about the kitchen. He catches me watching and winks once, causing my heart to leap in my chest. Pax nuzzles closer to me; I sigh watching Iulia and Zeno fight over the remote. Gale whistles the tune of a song he once sang to me while he cooks and I can't wipe the smile from my face.

We've been through whippings, bombings, and wars. We've been through late nights with early mornings, through drunken nights and headaches. Gale's carried me through thresholds, to the car, to our bed. We've managed through hundreds of diapers, children who pull each other's hair, and babies that kept us from sleeping. How we did it, how we _do_ it, I don't know, but there isn't anyone else I'd rather have spent my life with. None of this was expected, but that's how it ought to be. Gale Hawthorne is all I need in life, the memories, the children… what we've made out of each other are just the perfect bonus.

* * *

><p><em>AN: 12000+ words later, we're finally at the end. Thank you. Thank you all who have read and stuck with me for so long. I hope the ending lived up to it. Obviously it was difficult to wrap everything up, especially this last paragraph, but I hope I did it justice. It has been such a journey, writing this story. My fans, my lovely readers, you're all amazing. Thank you so much for being with me through this. I'm so privileged to have readers like you. You are the reason I write, why I try my hardest. I hope you enjoyed this final chapter, for I enjoyed writing it. And if you didn't, well, I did. So oh well. I love you all, and once again, thank you. Love, Jenn. _Omg I almost forgot to thank Sera for beta-ing. Thank you Sera!__


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